Fantasy sports are a popular pass time for many people. It is no longer a young male adult game but something that any sports fan can attempt. For me, the only one that has ever held my attention was fantasy football. The scoring is easy to follow and the games are only once per week. The concept behind fantasy sports is a simple one, try to compile the best team that you can in order to earn the most points each week. There are many different perspectives on drafting players but the overwhelming concept is filling your team with as many “superstars/point getters” as you possibly can.
I have friends and colleagues who spend hours or even days planning out their draft selections. These choices are important. Getting the right players off the bench each week and into the game is the key to survival. It is natural for players to be dropped to the bench or even released from the team when more desirable players are available.
It’s easy to see when talking about sports and fantasy that compiling the best team in order to win is important. That you would drop players that are holding you back and look to add players that will bring you forward. Why don’t we do the same thing with our friends and acquaintances?
In many ways our friends are part of our team. They not only support us but they also shape us. There are acceptable norms within relationships. Depending on your friend group, it may be unacceptable for you to smoke cigarettes. Or if you are part of a different group, it may be expected that you smoke. These acceptable norms are not limited to simple things like smoking. They extend out to your expectations of life.
When you add a player like Tom Brady to your fantasy team, you do it because he is going to get you closer to what you want because he’s an all-star. Take a look at your friends. Are they all-stars? Are they helping you get to where you want to go? Do they hold you back?
Like it or not, your friends are influencing who you are. Did you pick them consciously and for the right reasons? Are you going in the same direction? Can you get where you want to go with them around?
Perhaps some of your friends need to be put on the bench or cut from the team. This should not be a decision that is made quickly. People can serve all kinds of purposes, so do your homework on why your friends are your friends.
Also in a very real sense the internet has made fantasy football possible when it comes to the people who influence you. In the past, you might have been limited to your town or school. Now you can listen to leaders of almost any kind, speak about almost any topic. Who are you listening to today?
In this extremely fast paced world, it’s easy to get distracted from that which is important in favor of that which seems important. It is the reason why we make shopping lists and set reminders for ourselves. Getting caught up in the moment is not only normal, it seems to be a way of life. Despite all of the technological and societal distractions, it would seem as though we might have accidentally thrown out all of our babies in order to make room for more bathwater. Perhaps it is time to decide what is truly important and focus on it.
There are plenty of people who will get married this year. They will painstaking search for a great venue, a photographer, delicious food, the right guest-list and register for the perfect gifts. But before they did all of that hard work, they forgot to find someone worth spending their life with.
We have access to amazing communication devices in our pockets and at our fingertips. There is the capability to reach the other side of the world, translate to almost any language and do it instantaneously. But we rarely say things that mean much of anything. There is so much coming at us that it all becomes devalued. We tend to only listen in order to respond, not to understand or empathize.
Students and teachers are no longer bound by the bricks in the walls of their buildings. All facts are available at a moment’s notice and the greatest minds are within reach. Yet our young people are worried about grades that will soon not matter and facts that have little value. The word educate comes from the root educe which means to bring out or develop. The cramming information in might not be the best way to draw out our young people’s genius.
These are just three examples where we seem to be so caught up in the process that we have forgotten why the process was invented. When broken down to the core, the world is a relatively simple place. We are here to survive first. Once that is taken care of we look to progress and we do both more effectively together. So get back to the core of what you do and why it is done at all. If you are in school, then learn, regardless of the grades. If you’re in a relationship, then relate, give of yourself and be willing to be changed. The superficialities of life can only sustain us for so long. Our true progress depends on depth of experience and it needs to be found again. Right now are you focused on ANYTHING BUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER?
If you’re here, that means one or more of a few things:
- you have a problem with people telling you what not to do
- you have a selective reading issue where you miss certain words
- you clicked on it by mistake
- you sensed that there was more to this than the title
I’m going to assume the final one because it will get us farther faster!
The ability to see past the obvious and simple solution is not one that everyone possesses. Judging books by their covers or even first chapters is not always the best strategy. Not everything in the world is completely formulaic. Even some chemical formulas require a catalyst to increase the rate of their reaction. Despite these facts, there is a solid majority of people that believe the obvious answer is the only possible answer. One of the main reasons is that it is comfortable. Comfort is probably the ethos of our age. So the reason that I asked you not to read this blog is that I want you act on it.
I’m asking you to be uncomfortable, see past the past and act in spite of any past failures that you might have. We’ve all got something: talking to that special someone, losing weight, making the team, starting a business, writing a book or whatever. At this point it has been written off. You’ve either failed sever times or not tried because you believe that you can’t. Either way make me (or anything else that you choose) your excuse. You need to give that thing another go. Not because you’re guaranteed success this time but because it’s still inside of you somewhere. I don’t really care if you give up on a goal. I just don’t want you to ever give up on yourself.
Every moment is a new opportunity. Pile up the dead carcasses of your past selves and make a staircase to take you to the place where you know that you can get. If you believe that you’re who you’ve always been, that’s exactly who you’ll continue to be. But if you believe, even for a second, that you can be different. You can be stronger, more determine, resourceful, patient, caring, aggressive or anything else that you’ve failed to be in the past. That’s not who you are! That’s who you were! Today, right now before you finish reading. Take a step! No! Take a leap and move yourself forward. The you from six months in the future is BEGGING for you to do it! Because he/she doesn’t want to be where you are now. They want to be five miles down the road or ten thousand dollars richer or in a relationship. So now I’m BEGGING! Don’t read this blogpost! Live it! Step up and out into the world that you deserve and not the one that you’ve grown accustomed to. DON’T READ! DO!
Love you guys!
It is one of my favorite exchanges from the classic movie, Tombstone.
“Doc, you should be in bed. What the hell are you doing this for anyway?” -Creek Johnson
“Wyatt Earp is my friend.” -Doc Holliday
“Hell I’ve got lots of friends.” – Creek Johnson
“I don’t.” – Doc Holliday
Our technology filled world has changed the way that we use certain words and their meaning. If you do a Google search for the word “cloud”, the only reference to the white things in the sky is the dictionary definition. Otherwise it’s advertisements and references to gigabytes of storage space that is elsewhere. This is not the first time that this has happened in the history of language. It actually happens all the time. The technological cloud doesn’t make the sky cloud any less of a cloud. Both have meaning in their own right. I do fear for the word “friend” though.
My fear is not that the word will only mean “people that you relate with mainly online” but rather that the word is becoming devalued. It is common for people to have hundreds of “friends” online and this is great. Keeping relations with people from great distance and from other life periods is an amazing advancement. The concern is that all of these tiny and relatively “easy” relationships will make true, closer and more “difficult” relationships seem like too much work. It’s easy to become intoxicated in the numbers game of friends. Having more of something, does not particularly make life richer. Perhaps even, the collection of a maximum number of “friends” might just mean that the collector doesn’t truly have any. The word starts to lose all meaning when it is applied to basically everyone.
For me, I’d rather go the route of Doc Holliday. Going all in on the people who truly matter. Having those few but special people in life that you’re willing to go into war with (figuratively or literally). Those types of bonds make us stronger people and better humans. So have a social network by all means! But never lose sight of the difference between your FRIENDS and your “friends”. No matter how far the internet has the ability to reach, it is a worthless tool if it’s use means that no one ever touches your soul. If the connection that you feel to the important people in your life is as weak as the Wifi at the local coffee shop, it might be time to double down.
Have a great day with your friends!
Despite being a 41 year old man, I really like the Harry Potter movies and watch them regularly. My wife would say that it’s because of Emma Watson but that’s not quite the truth. The story itself is what draws me in. It’s a pretty classic story of good vs. evil with enough twists and turns to make it unique. I’m also very interested in young people and how they learn to find their way through the world. Obviously completely fictitious but in parallel to the real world, one major failing of Hogwarts is to maintain a consistent Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. In that world, the imminent danger of Voldemort made that post important. In our much less magical world, the danger does not come from a completely evil dark lord but rather other young people trying to find their way in the world.
Just prior to sitting down to write, I was watching the Today Show and their guests were the parents of the twelve year old girl who killed herself in Rockaway, NJ. With an eleven year old son and many young people in my life, I truly feel for these parents as they’ve gone through the worst pain that a parent can bear. That story is not fiction and no matter the result of the lawsuit, it will not end completely happily.
I do not believe that social media is inherently bad or evil. It does create a loosely guarded gateway for evils to be perpetrated. While most of the focus is on stopping cyber-bulling and the perpetrators, I’d suggest that young (and older) people need to learn how to defend themselves against the dark arts of bullying. Let me say here, I am not condoning bullying in any way shape or form. Schools and organizations need to respond to these types of actions. Unfortunately the adults in a child’s life can only protect them so much. At a certain point, a child (or adult) is going to need to know how to protect themselves; not just from bullies but from friends, strangers, rejection, failure and loss. Knowing how to cope with and defeat these “dark arts” is crucial but rarely taught or even discussed. The two best Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers were Remus Lupin and Harry himself. Both were effective because they were practical in their approach. They did not deny that their students might face dark times like Dolores Umbridge. The beauty of the Order of the Phoenix is that students organize in order to protect themselves because they know that danger is out there.
In the real world, young people are increasingly living their lives in a virtual world where the perceived becomes as important or more important than the real. So they are fighting in a world of perception when they are still learning how to perceive themselves. If you know of someone who is struggling to manage the world, here are some starting points:
- Keep your phone/iPad/etc. in another room while you sleep.
- Do not log onto your device of choice for the first 30 minutes of your day.
- During that 30 minutes, take about 15 to do the following:
- Write down or think of people, things, experiences that you’re grateful for.
- Write down or think of the positive things that you’d like to have happen today (things that depend more on you than other people)
- Write down or think of the person you want to be in the future. Don’t get caught up in the space between where you are and where you want to be. Allow yourself to be in the future.
- After you’ve made these first 3 a habit, add in some form of body movement. Enough to get your blood pumping above a resting rate.
The point behind all of these items is to focus your mind on the things that matter most to you before it gets distracted by the desires of others. Decide what it is that you want out of your life/day before anyone else gets to add their input. If you need a helping hand, my email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Have a great day people!
The thought of school being like prison is not a new one. I’m sure that most students have thought it or said it at one point. It’s an easy enough correlation to make: brick walls, questionable food, time to be served and other ne’er do wells in the same boat. Although I’ve visited a prison before, most of my frame of reference comes from books and movies. The most prevalent being The Shawshank Redemption. While this book/movie is completely fictitious, conceived in the mind of Stephen King, there is value in the exercise of comparing the fiction to the reality.
Most prisoners in the story are simply waiting out the term of their sentence. Like the character Brooks in the movie, they wait for many years and then are utterly lost when they are released. This is not unlike many high school students. Their years in captivity are spent waiting for their time to be up but not fully conceiving what they might do with their freedom.
The one outlier in Shawshank Prison is Andy Dufresne. A former banker that does not endure his time in the prison but uses it. Although his sentence is life, he always has an idea of what he’ll do with his life when he gets out. Slowly and methodically he uses time as his ally to dig his way out of prison and to his desired future. While this makes for a good movie, it is just fiction, isn’t it? A quick read of the story of a young Bill Gates shows a great example of art imitating life imitating art.
Prison is a place where a person is confined. It is possible to be in physical prison and be free mentally. The much more common situation seems to be people that are physically free but mentally imprisoned. They are shackled to self-limiting thoughts and habitual attitudes that keep them from living freely. If you feel like you’re in prison, take a look around and try to find the warden. There really isn’t one. Just systems that can be endured or used to improve your station when you’re done with your time. Don’t let a situation that you don’t like turn your life into one that you don’t like. The only one who can give permission for your mind to be a prison is you.
Be free today!
It was around 1988 when I started making the phone calls. On Friday nights, it was my job to call all of the players/parents from my soccer team. The information that I had to tell them was where the game was and what time the “caravan” was leaving A&P’s parking lot. It wasn’t a fun job but it was a necessary one to make sure that everyone got to the game. Today we have TeamSnap and other services to take care of this job. While I’m sure that my fourteen year old self would have jumped at the chance to have this service available. I’m glad that I suffered through that weekly chore.
There are so many little inconveniences that have been taken off of our plates. At a quick glance, it may seem that we’ve gained in time by their removal. The question that I’m asking at the moment is what was lost at the same time? If you take that job away from my young self, he loses a sense of responsibility, ownership in the team concept, ability to talk to adults on the phone, a knowledge of our surrounding area and other things that are worth a half hour per week.
I’m definitely not anti-technology. The thing that I’m trying to maintain in my own life is a sense of being human while utilizing technology. We can become more human by using technology as a tool to enhance our lives. Connect with people that are far away. Learn and grow at times that are more convenient. Save time in order to spend it with friends and family. Some of the best things in life are inconvenient. I would never replace my brother with an app just because it is more reliable and remembers my birthday.
Before Amazon, there was (at least in my world) the Sears Catalog. It was a huge “magazine” that had just about every product in the Sears store. It was a place that my brothers and I would peruse some time before Christmas to find things we wanted. I remember that I always focused in on the guitars. They weren’t overly expensive at the time and I fancied myself as a future guitarist. Despite my desire, I never told my parents nor did I save up money to purchase one. In hindsight, I really didn’t want the guitar. I liked the idea of the guitar but if I had truly wanted it, I’d have found a way.
That’s the way that life really works. Look down and look around. For the most part, the things that you have are the things that you really want. They are your musts, non-negotiables, have to haves. People often think that they have wants but most of the time they have dreams or fantasies. I have a fantasy of weighing 170 lbs again. Unfortunately I don’t really want it. If I did, I’d be there. My weight is a direct reflection of my true wants: taste, dietary freedom, comfort food and convenience. When I truly start wanting that ideal weight, I’ll take the actions that will get me there. Until then, it’s not true. I don’t want it unless it’s easy.
The things worth having are never easy. Value is usually associated to scarcity or uniqueness. This is a tough thing to remember in a life of convenience. There are so many good things that are easily accessible that we bury ourselves in the good, foregoing the truly valuable because it’s inconvenient. What you wanted is all around you. If you truly want for more, you’ll find a way. In five years will you be surrounded by more mediocre trinkets? Or will you have something better? In the end you’re going to find the ultimate thing that you’re looking for is that best version of you. It won’t come easy and it’s not in a catalog or on Amazon. So get what you want by being who you want to be.
Have a great day!
The life of the single celled organism, the amoeba, must be tough. In order to survive, it needs to change its shape in order to “absorb” its food. It is the ultimate “go-getter” in the microscopic universe. It’s survival is completely predicated on how much and how often it “puts itself out there”. A lazy amoeba would be a dead amoeba.
Living in the world of higher order organisms, we are not as dependent on stretching ourselves in order to survive. In fact over the past century we’ve been rewarded for being small amoebas. Stretching or standing out was discouraged. Get good grades, get into a good college, do your job and follow the rules. Being a small amoeba is not as smart as it used to be. The systems that rewarded the small amoeba are breaking down all over the place and we’re being asked to stretch again.
The opportunities to stretch are all around. The problem is the same as the amoeba “Am I stretching in a direction that will help me survive?” The trial an error method is probably a big part of the amoeba’s life and may be required of you. This is uncomfortable. The old system was predictable, repeatable and safe. Even becoming a big amoeba only required adherence to the system that almost told you where to stretch.
The question is not whether the world will require you to stretch or not. The question is whether you’ll allow yourself to be stretched, pulled apart or reach of your own volition. Do you believe that you are a small amoeba with very defined limits? Or are you consistently able to reach out into the void and find what you need and stretch yourself? You are much less rigid than you think. Most of your limits are not based on DNA but rather WTT (Willingness To Try). The old rule book is slowly being torn apart. You don’t need to go with it. Reach out into the void and see what you get. Then do it again!
Keep the Nucleus Strong!
It’s Mr. Baxter from 7th grade science class that started my tendency toward being a spelling/grammar Nazi. Two times receiving a 99.5% based on spelling errors was enough frustration to get me to pay attention. I fully recognize that language is a fluid and live thing. Every day we can influence it for the better or worse. Outside of church, very few people are using “thine” and “thou”. These words have been morphed and replaced with their more recent counterparts. Change is not my concern. It is laziness and apathy.
Widespread education and technological advances have democratized access to knowledge and the overwhelming response of the public has been indifference. There was a time in this country when only a select few could hope to become educated. The huge supply of knowledge seems to have caused an equally huge plummet in demand. While this lowering of expectation has happened in the realm of language, it is just as obvious in personal health, civic responsibility and many other areas of life. As the challenges of life have become easier, we seem to be less inclined to meet them head on. Instead we have found a degree of comfort in social proof. If “everyone else” is holding a low standard, then it makes us feel that we are OK.
What if you were the one to hold the line for yourself? Not to tell the world that it is wrong but to do what is right for yourself and those around you. If you held the line on your health, your marriage, your relations with people or yourself; what kind of a ripple effect could you have on your family, community or even the world? Even if no one else took up your particular cause, how would it feel to be the answer to your own problem? Deciding for yourself, exactly what you would and would not stand for could be liberating. Rather than looking at those around you to find the path of least resistance, you could look inward to find the strength to hack out a new trail. Our world is filled with more possibility and less hardship than every before, so are you going to sit there and bask in the glow of what our forefathers built? Or are you going to do your own work? The choice is yours! And that is probably the biggest kicker of all, we get to choose to step up or not.
So I hope that you find within yourself a desire for better than most. Be a leader by doing first. Utherwhys whee May knot bee aybl two reklame wut weave lust!
Make today better.