In the movie “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” is one of my favorite scenes from any movie. It is a conversation that the character Smeagol has with his alter ego Gollum. Peter Jackson and his crew did a beautiful job with the scene. It was shot as a conversation between two people even though the two exist in the mind of one person. Gollum is obsessed with reacquiring the power of the ring while Smeagol fights to regain his life from the grips of that obsession. This scene resonated with me because at times I feel that type of conversation going on in my own head.
Inside of my head I have two voices battling for my attention. One says all the things that I fear and want to avoid. It not only points those things out but it also tells me that they are bound to happen. The other voice tells me that everything is going to work out and that I have nothing to fear. Neither voice is particularly right. However believing the first paralyzes me and it was the one that I listened to most in younger years. Believing the second has gotten me to do more than I thought that I could.
For a moment in the “Two Towers” Smeagol is able to banish Gollum from his life. However he resurfaces later in the movie much like my own antagonist. It is a battle that I know will most likely never be won completely. However with each successive day, I find new ways to unlock myself and others from the paralysis. The fear is not stronger but giving up is easier than doing what needs to be done. So the combination of fear and complacency is a two headed monster that squashes our dreams for the future before we even begin.
Love you Dr. Knowles!