Category Archives: self-reliance

Exhausting the Thumb

IMG_2786I would not have been surprised if I annoyed the hell out of my former teammates.  It’s not that I’m a bad player, I’m actually OK (or was).  The annoying factor would come from two things in particular.  First, I never shut up.  I talk incessantly.  Almost as if I were the unofficial play by play announcer for our team.  The other would be my tendency to blame everything that went wrong on myself.  Regardless of how small of an influence I had on a situation, I tended to focus on my little component rather than anyone else’s.  If a goal was scored, it was almost always followed by an admission of guilt.  As an intelligent human being and player, I realize that not everything that went wrong was my fault.  It’s just not true.  However I always wanted to exhaust the thumb before I went to the finger.

In a world where almost everything is on video, accountability is an easy thing to track, especially in sports.  Who lost their mark or misplayed a pass is available in HD clarity.  I’m not particularly keen on accountability though.  It has its place.  However responsibility is a much more interesting quality.  People need to take responsibility.  Accountability can be handed out and often leads to separation.  Fingers tend to make enemies and excuses.  Thumbs tend to make leaders and solutions.  By continuously pointing the thumb at one’s self before resorting to the finger, a few very important things happen.

First, the thumbed individual sees him or herself a part of a larger whole which is influenced by the actions of all.  Like the butterfly that flaps its wings and contributes to an eventual hurricane.  A person willing to exhaust the thumb recognizes that they’re not working independently of the rest of the group, team, company or world.  Every action of the individual has the potential to influence a much larger whole.  Could a tiny gesture of kindness toward a neighbor influence the relations of an entire town or city?  Absolutely!  Especially if those actions are done consistently.

Second, the thumbed individual infrequently or never blames others.  This posture creates fewer separations between people.  Finding fault in others rarely creates better behavior.  It usually only creates resentment for the person doing the blaming.  Most people in this world are their own harshest critic.  Giving them the ability to rectify the situation without judgment can go a long way toward future success.  Fear of letting someone down is a much stronger motivator than fear of punishment.  It also has the added benefit of creating better relations between people who are giving their best to each other and know that criticism (if it comes) will come with understanding.

Like anything else that is really important in life, not everyone will do this because it’s hard.  It’s so much easier to lose your temper or “let off some steam”.  After all things are often other people’s fault.  Taking on this world view doesn’t change that.  However it does get you focus on the only person that you can fully control, yourself.  If you are in control of yourself, then it’s possible that you’ll end up where you want to go.

Have a great day!

Pete

The Give Up Bargain

zeusLately I’ve been thinking a lot about the old school gods and their importance in the lives of our ancestors.  Although we have so many technological and societal advantages, there are some aspects to their belief structure that could be helpful if implemented.  I’ve joked several times that I may start worshiping Zeus and the other Greek gods because of their idiosyncrasies.  You’re less likely to beat yourself up over work snafu when your god is regularly cheating on his wife.  Despite the possible comedy arising from this, I don’t know that there’s much to it.  The main area that most of the ancient religions have in common is the concept of “sacrifice”.  I will be focusing on the non-human variety.

With a scientifically inferior way of understanding the world, our ancestors intuitively seem to have comprehended something that has become lost recently.  Despite the fact that their reasons for sacrificing crops, animals, etc. was founded in mythology, it is a practical lesson.  The recognition of giving something up in the hope of influencing the greater system.  I’m sure that the phrase “give up” came from the ceremonial act of giving a thing up to a deity.  As our world has more, we are less willing to go without.  We don’t see the point.  Our parents and grandparents worked hard for the prosperity that we now enjoy.  Therefore we “deserve” everything we have.  Unfortunately the word DE-SERVE, could be hyphenated and it means “from service”.  To keep that which we have, we must continue to serve.  Or to get more we must serve more.  At a certain point the words service and sacrifice tend to intertwine.

So the give up bargain is simple.  Recognize that on some level, you’ll need to give up something that you have in order to get that which you want.  Not in any religious context but in a more practical way.  Giving up your anger will allow you to find peace.  Giving up your excessive eating will allow you to find the slimmer you.  The reverse is also in play.  If you are not acting in the service of what you already have, it will eventually be taken from you.  You are not an independent force in this world/universe.  Your actions have consequences.  Giving and taking are two sides of the same coin.  Therefore they are linked.  Keep this in mind as you give things up.  The lottery mentality is a losing strategy because it applies in such a small number of cases.  Practical sacrifice and service of that which matters most to you.  When you decide what you want, also decide on what you’re willing to give up to get it.  Usually this bargain will involve trading now for later and so many of us are in love with NOW.

Give up today!

Pete

 

At War with the Rainbow

TestImagine it.  A soldier walking through a jungle in a foreign land just as the rain stops.  In the distance there is a rainbow.  All of the sudden there is an attack from the enemy.  The attack is repelled and the soldier marches on.  The next day the rain stops, rainbow, surprise attack.  This pattern continues for a week.  On the eighth day, the soldier comes upon a beautiful waterfall.  With the water plummeting from a height of over fifty feet, a mist above the surface of the water forms a miniature rainbow and soldier discharges his weapon several times into the falling water.  There is no attack, so the soldier is sure that the enemy is dead.  It is ridiculous, isn’t it?  The soldier believing that the rainbow somehow caused or could help the prediction of the attacks.  The truth is that we all do it at one point or another.

The combination of two things that have almost no association whatsoever is quite common.  An undefeated streak and an unwashed pair of socks.  Traffic and the driver in front of you.  School and learning.  WAIT!!!!  That’s blasphemy!  Especially for someone who has spent years as a teacher and vehement proponent of learning.

The problem is that in many ways the statement is true.  School and learning have almost completely been divorced from one another.  People recognize that at one point in history they went hand in hand.  However that relationship has decayed in people’s minds.  School has become a pariah that people only endure because they have to.  Learning has gotten mistaken for its cousin, information.  Since information is everywhere, people have no need to engage in the relationship with learning.  So this once inseparable couple is now separated and only feign a relationship “because of the kids”.

This is an extreme picture of the present situation.  While not completely accurate, it is not altogether inaccurate.  School is in a precarious position because it only ever came into being because of learning.  The point of school was to learn (especially how to think).  In many instances that has been replaced with “The point of school is to get good grades.”  Like the telephone game that many of us played as children, over time the message has gotten garbled and disjointed.  Politicians, administrators, parents and teachers propped up a system that only partially meets its expressed purpose.  Like the situation of rogue traders who bet on speculative numbers with the life savings of others, this could leave many people bankrupt.

So for now, my suggestion is double, triple or quadruple down on learning.  If it happens at school, GREAT!  If it happens elsewhere, GREAT!  Learn about the things that are important to you and the people in your life.  Dive deep into learning about yourself.  How you work.  How your mind works.  How your emotions work.  Not so you can be self-centered but you can find balance with the world.  Learning is not actually the hard part as it happens all the time.  The key is learning things that are useful and meaningful to your world.  So if you are still in school, don’t think of learning as drudgery.  Seek out those opportunities when school style learning overlaps with your life.  If you’re already done with school, realize that you aren’t done with learning.  Don’t try to kill the rainbow just because it was lumped in with something that you perceive to be your enemy.

Have a great year!

Pete

 

Dream Amnesia

amnesiaHave you ever woken up from a night of intense dreaming and not been able to remember much of anything about the dream?  Well that’s not what I’m talking about at all!  I’m talking about your dreams forgetting you!  Those things that you want to have in your life: a goal, a person, an item or anything else you can imagine.  It started as an image in your head.  Then you took some form of action to make it a reality.  You might have even got close.  But then it was gone.  Sorry to say, your dreams have amnesia!

Your dreams don’t know who you are and don’t care about you in the beginning.  Like the most popular girl in high school, your dreams could not pick you out of a line up.  What’s worse is that your dreams have a form of amnesia.  You can walk up and introduce yourself but the next day you’ll be forgotten.  Just like Adam Sandler in the movie “50 First Dates”.  You need to recognize this condition and not take it personally.  DO THE WORK!  The only way for your dreams to remember you and begin to accept you is through constant contact.  Don’t let a day go by that you’re not courting, coaxing and down right harassing your dreams (the last one doesn’t work well with people).  It won’t happen overnight!

I can’t even tell you how long it will take but if you’re consistent daily, hourly and minutely (is that a word?).  You’ll find yourself getting closer to your dreams.  Maybe one day they’ll welcome you with open arms.  Unfortunately that’s going to take a lot of work first.

Dream big and make yourself memorable!

Pete

 

Defence Against The Dark Arts (Bullying)

DarkArtsDespite being a 41 year old man, I really like the Harry Potter movies and watch them regularly.  My wife would say that it’s because of Emma Watson but that’s not quite the truth.  The story itself is what draws me in.  It’s a pretty classic story of good vs. evil with enough twists and turns to make it unique.  I’m also very interested in young people and how they learn to find their way through the world.  Obviously completely fictitious but in parallel to the real world, one major failing of Hogwarts is to maintain a consistent Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.  In that world, the imminent danger of Voldemort made that post important.  In our much less magical world, the danger does not come from a completely evil dark lord but rather other young people trying to find their way in the world.

Just prior to sitting down to write, I was watching the Today Show and their guests were the parents of the twelve year old girl who killed herself in Rockaway, NJ.  With an eleven year old son and many young people in my life, I truly feel for these parents as they’ve gone through the worst pain that a parent can bear.  That story is not fiction and no matter the result of the lawsuit, it will not end completely happily.

I do not believe that social media is inherently bad or evil.  It does create a loosely guarded gateway for evils to be perpetrated.  While most of the focus is on stopping cyber-bulling and the perpetrators, I’d suggest that young (and older) people need to learn how to defend themselves against the dark arts of bullying.  Let me say here, I am not condoning bullying in any way shape or form.  Schools and organizations need to respond to these types of actions.  Unfortunately the adults in a child’s life can only protect them so much.  At a certain point, a child (or adult) is going to need to know how to protect themselves; not just from bullies but from friends, strangers, rejection, failure and loss.  Knowing how to cope with and defeat these “dark arts” is crucial but rarely taught or even discussed.  The two best Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers were Remus Lupin and Harry himself.  Both were effective because they were practical in their approach.  They did not deny that their students might face dark times like Dolores Umbridge.  The beauty of the Order of the Phoenix is that students organize in order to protect themselves because they know that danger is out there.

InvisibleIn the real world, young people are increasingly living their lives in a virtual world where the perceived becomes as important or more important than the real.  So they are fighting in a world of perception when they are still learning how to perceive themselves.  If you know of someone who is struggling to manage the world, here are some starting points:

  1. Keep your phone/iPad/etc. in another room while you sleep.
  2. Do not log onto your device of choice for the first 30 minutes of your day.
  3. During that 30 minutes, take about 15 to do the following:
    1. Write down or think of people, things, experiences that you’re grateful for.
    2. Write down or think of the positive things that you’d like to have happen today (things that depend more on you than other people)
    3. Write down or think of the person you want to be in the future.  Don’t get caught up in the space between where you are and where you want to be.  Allow yourself to be in the future.
  4. After you’ve made these first 3 a habit, add in some form of body movement.  Enough to get your blood pumping above a resting rate.

The point behind all of these items is to focus your mind on the things that matter most to you before it gets distracted by the desires of others.  Decide what it is that you want out of your life/day before anyone else gets to add their input.  If you need a helping hand, my email address is pete@hurykunlimited.com.

Have a great day people!

Pete