Blogpost, self-reliance

You’re Prehistoric!

cavemanWe live in a modern world but humans are prehistoric creatures.  Obviously we have acquired skills and knowledge that our ancestors did not have.  So I am not suggesting that we are on their level in that respect but I do want to point out that we are using the same hardware.  The same brain structure that caused us to run from saber-toothed tigers is now tasked with managing a world that moves faster than we were intended to go.  We’re overwhelmed and stressed because we created an environment that stresses and overwhelms our prehistoric brains.  This is not a blog to suggest that we go back to living in caves.  Rather it is intended to point out the fact that there are limits on our bandwidth, therefore we must manage ourselves so the prehistoric brain does not go into overload.

The odd irony to our situation is actually that in a modern world, very few things are trying to kill you.  This is an important thing to realize.  Our prehistoric brain’s major functions were centered around keeping the self and the species alive.  So things like fear and sex were major priorities, while general happiness was farther down the list.  The world that we live in requires very little self/species preservation.  Despite this fact, the “wiring” for the old world is still intact.  So a modern “threat” feels very much like a situation of life or death without any of the true peril.  The signals will continue to be sent in this fashion, until we are willing to “re-wire” ourselves.

This process is not like the re-wiring of house.  It doesn’t require a professional or a lot of money but it does require time.  Humans generally don’t change without time and/or major incentives.  A methodical approach to managing your mind can go a long way to creating a better life for you.  Regular practice at calming your prehistoric brain will go a long way.  Taking the time to recognize that your response to situations is not based on what will help but rather things that are pre-programmed will help you to re-program those responses.  Remember that you don’t have to act like a caveman even if you have the same operating system as one.

Go make history by reprogramming your prehistoric systems!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

The Latest Version

IMG_3647
It’s so common to us that we are almost blind to it at this point.  The release of the latest version of something.  Whether it’s a car, an app for the phone or a video game; the old version is eventually replaced by the latest version.  Sometimes this comes with huge upgrades that revolutionize the way that we think about the product.  Other times it messes up something that was working to our liking.  The thing is that even if we don’t see the changes, they’re happening all the time.

It’s so much easier to understand with technology especially.  The cellphone does not change shape or size when you add a new app or update it.  It simply acquires the new programming and moves on.  Often bugs need to be fixed but I’m pretty certain that Bill Gates does not lament the fact that Windows 7.1 was not as good as Windows 10.2.  There is an understanding that each new version is intended to build upon the past.

In a very similar way, here you are.  Version 2018.193 of yourself.  You may look at yourself as the same person that you’ve always been but that’s most definitely not true.  You’ve learned new things since version 2015.125 (after the decimal is the number of days past in that year).  The question becomes whether or not you want to just maintain what is working or truly upgrade.  Unlike Windows, you’re not going to be rereleased.  Your bug fixes and big upgrades have to all happen at the same time.  AND YOU ARE THE LEAD DEVELOPER!  Only you can make changes to the system.

So what is the latest version of you going to look like?  Is it just like today’s you but with a few more miles worn off the treads?  I hope not.  I hope that you believe that you are capable of a big jump.  A leap from the version that you are today to the version that you’ve always wanted to be.  My hope is that you’re making the plans and putting in the code to launch yourself to a whole new level.  So that people who haven’t seen you in a while will take notice to the fact that the latest version of you is a huge upgrade!

Upgrade today!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

The Javelin Thrower

lance-150317_960_720This story comes directly from a dream that I just had.  I was brought in to help a javelin thrower with some issues that he was having.  Despite his great potential that everyone could see, he was underachieving and plagued by injuries.  As we started to talk about his issues, we walking near a lake.  He was confused and upset by all of the issues that he was having.  As he talked, he picked up a stone and hurled it into the lake.  His words became more heated as he described his disappointment in his lack of progress.  Another stone farther into the lake.  Then his disappointment turned to anger as he focused in on how many opportunities he’d wasted.  Stone lake farther.  In a crescendo of shouts and rage, he picked up a rock larger than all of the stones that he’d hurled so far.  With three steps forward and a shout of “why?”, he threw the rock as far as he could but it did not reach the water.  He winced slightly in pain and stared at his failed effort.  I woke up.

Everything was a javelin.  He had taken his own existence and reduced it down to one thing.  Nothing else mattered.  Farther, stronger, better.  These were the ways that he was judging himself.   It was not that he was on a path of progress that would get him to: farther, stronger, better but rather that those were metrics.

Measuring yourself by metrics is not always a negative thing.  There are all kinds of things that we can use to quantify aspects of our lives: grades, weight, time, distance and many others.  The issue comes from using those measurements as a punishment device rather than a measuring stick.  Dissatisfaction with where you are because it is not where you’ll be is a recipe for disaster.  The process of living is just that, a process.  Each step has inherent value as it leads you toward your destination or destiny.  To devalue the step because it is not the destination is devaluing the destination.  Because in the end you have sacrificed all of those steps for a moment.  The joy of accomplishment is compounded when the process is enjoyed.

So go out there today and pursue something that you love.  But pursue it with the joy of a child chasing a butterfly, not the angst of a man paying his taxes.  Most of life is the process, so enjoy it!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

Small Time Heroes

GrootMarvel and DC have had a long term duopoly on the Super Hero.  They’ve got teenagers bitten by radioactive spiders all the way to a billionaire orphan vigilante.  These characters have been cultural mainstays for decades with their popularity reaching a crescendo at the moment with big budget movies.  These heroes capture the imagination because of their exceptional abilities.  Each has their personal foibles but in the end the world depends on them to put things right in extreme situations.

There are two problems with the Super Hero though.  First, the world is very rarely in the kind of peril that requires Super Heroes.  Second, they’re not real!  Even the Super Heroes, with no super powers whatsoever, bend all kinds of rules of reality.  So if we don’t have those big problems and these individuals don’t exist, why are we so obsessed?

It is really quite simple.  Super Heroes are a distraction.  A way for us to be let off of the hook.  Since I’m not able to do anything EXTRAordinary, I only need to do the ordinary.  Being a hero is just too far out of reach because I don’t have a magical hammer, futuristic body armor or a utility belt.  It’s just me!  What can I do?

You can be a small time hero!  You just need to do a little more than the ordinary person and that by definition makes you EXTRAordinary.  Be a little kinder.  Be a little more resilient.  Be a little more intelligent.  Love your family a little more.  BUT what difference will that make?  Almost none.

UNTIL a few people around you catch on.  Then it has the possibility of developing super power.  Because small time heroes stacking up their little powers together becomes a force multiplier.  It’s not particularly easy!  Nor is it blockbuster movie worthy but it really is the only way.  Super Heroes are not coming!  The people in “power” generally worry about two things: keeping the power they have and leveraging it to their own ends.  So it is up to us, the small time heroes to save the world from………us!  Go suit up!

Have a great day!
Pete

 

 

self-reliance, Uncategorized

Choosing the Bench

BenchIt’s such a common conversation that in each instance, I really need to work to not get fired up.  A player (or a parent) will complain to me about the fact that their coach is not playing them for __insert reason here____.  Usually it is some combination of “playing favorites” or “doesn’t know what he/she is doing”.  The reason why these conversations are so difficult is that the player almost invariably refuses to see that they are choosing the bench.  That sentence and the title of this post must sound ridiculous but I’ll do my best to make my argument for its accuracy.

The player who is complaining about playing time is almost always ignoring the fact that they have control over the key component to their PT, themselves.  When people don’t get what they want, the easiest thing to do is  blame someone else or circumstances.  While this is the easiest thing to do, it rarely has positive results.  In these situations of complaint, I usually direct the player’s attention to how much extra time they’re putting into their skills, fitness, tactical awareness, relationship with key players, etc.  Upon asking about these things, I usually get a blank stare or a halfhearted explanation of their “extra” work.

In all of my years of playing and coaching, I’ve never met a coach who kept talent on the bench without a reason.  Therefore the equation of playing time becomes quite a simple one.  GET SO GOOD THAT YOU CAN’T BE IGNORED!  The truth of most of these situations is that the player only wants to do enough to get what they want.  They do not truly want the playing time because if they did, they’d be doing all of the work to get it and a ton extra.  The obstacle of the coach is just an excuse for them not to do the work.

“Thumbs before fingers!” has been a mantra of mine for years.  It simply states that you need to acknowledge your contribution to any challenge before you blame someone else.  By seeing your faults first, you have the power to change them.  If you ignore the fact that you have any fault, you become powerless.  You are completely at the mercy of the person or situation.  So I implore you!  Don’t put yourself on the bench!  Become so good that you can’t be ignored!  Give so much effort that the coach has to feel guilty about taking you off the field!  Then other people can talk about you being “the coach’s favorite” but you’ll know the truth of how hard you worked to get there.

Go get your goal today!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

Desire for Perpetual Triage

ERUnless you are brought to the hospital in an ambulance, the first place that you visit is triage.  It’s the station where the severity of your injury or illness is determined in order to prioritize treatment.  Broken bones take precedent over upset stomachs and so on.  People who can wait, often do, for long periods of time in the waiting room.  However no one stays in triage for very long.  Once your situation is determined, it is time to move on to get the help that you need or wait your turn.  Triage is not an outcome!

This is so apparent when dealing with a medical emergency.  No one would forego seeing the doctor so that they could stay with the triage nurse longer to describe their situation.  However when it comes to our lives, many of us seem to desire eternal triage.  Describing the horrible situation that we are in with excruciating detail to friends, family, classmates, coworkers and even strangers.  Rather than doing something about the situation that we lament, we pile on more and more description.  The unfortunate thing is that many people seem to want to turn their paper-cut into a shotgun wound.  This situation is at the forefront today because it is Monday.  A day that many people dread because it is just too far away from the weekend.  Does this day carry with it any particular issue?  No, it is just the story that we’ve made up in our heads.

So here we are at the door to the emergency room.  What are you going to do today?  Spend the entire day describing your issues to the triage nurse in order to make your headache seem like a stroke.  Or check yourself for bullet holes and if you need real help, go get it.  Or most likely, you can handle this on your own/with the help of those close to you.  Describing the problem with more clarity is rarely the answer.  Moving forward takes action, no matter how small.  Clawing your way toward a destination is far better than hoping it will be attracted by the sound of your complaints!

Today is an opportunity, not a punishment!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

Dropping the D Bomb

YodaSome people get very offended by particular four letter words.  Others use them so much that they cease to have any power whatsoever.  Despite their semi-taboo nature, the things that they represent are quite common place.  The teeth of the matter can be taken out by substituting a word.  It’s the word that makes it vulgar and repellent.

By contrast, the word “DO” has almost no connotation whatsoever.  It shows up in so many contexts that its meaning is somewhat of an afterthought.  When it’s not holding up space at the beginning of a question, do implies some form of action.  Therein lies the problem with this seemingly insignificant word.  People are not afraid of the word, they’re afraid of what it represents.  ACTION that will take them out of their comfort zone or cause them to face their inadequacies.  Do may only have half the characters of the four letter words but it has ten times the bite.  People are paralyzed by their do’s.

So just like the foul mouthed people who drop the F bomb way too much, the key to reducing the potency of something is to increase the frequency.  DO until you’re not afraid to do anymore.  Give it a shot!  Try!  (That’s right Yoda, I said TRY!  Go F#%$ yourself.)  Succeeding/Failing do not matter anywhere near as much as the feeling that you have about who you are when you unshackle yourself from fear.

DO today!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

I Give You Nothing!

It’s an odd thing to write for someone like me.  I’m hellbent on helping people.  My writing and speaking are all about tools, tricks and techniques for getting you farther forward than you are now.  Despite all that desire, I have to realize that, I GIVE YOU NOTHING!  It’s not just me though.  Books, movies, podcasts, lectures, schools, universities, coaches and so many other media are stillborn UNTIL… you breathe life into them.

It seems as though there is an overarching belief in the power of the other.  “This book is going to change my life.”  “This coach is making me a better player.”  In the end the truth is that no one can change you without you.  You are the key ingredient!  In the case of many people, the missing ingredient.  There is so much out there but nothing until you do your part.

checkSo today I give you nothing because it’s exactly what you need.  You need to know that no one is coming to save you.  Ed McMahon is not showing up with a check!  Superman is not coming to carry you away to a beach vacation!  And you aren’t getting rock hard abs by watching commercials, you get them by doing the sit-ups.  You probably don’t need more information, you need more action.  Take a bunch of the tidbits that you’ve let die on your dreams list and make them happen because only YOU CAN!

Make a great day!

Pete

self-reliance, Uncategorized

The Happiness Lottery

LotterImagine there was a Happiness Lottery.  Once per week some lucky person would be awarded a lifetime supply of happiness.  Of course there would need to be some payment for the ticket.  Since the normal lottery requires a small amount of money in exchange for the chance at the big cash prize, it stands to reason that the Happiness Lottery would require a small happiness sacrifice to get into the big drawing.  How many times would you play?  How much of your daily happiness would you sacrifice on the long odds of Happiness Lottery?  My hope is that you wouldn’t hang your hope for happiness on luck but rather come up with a systematic plan to create happiness and compound that which you already have.

  • The first step would be to take stock of what assets you already have.  Be grateful for the people and situations that are already in your life that cause happiness.  Write down the happiness assets that you have in your life.  The more grateful you are for what you already have, the less likely that you are to squander it.
  • The second step would be to look for ways to create more.  Accentuate the areas where you are creating great happiness and put more time into happiness areas that may be lagging.
  • Diversify your portfolio.  Don’t expect all of your happiness to come from one area.  If you lean to heavily on one happiness source, tough times in that area will leave you living very thin.  Friends, family, hobbies, entertainment and a slew of other possibilities exist for you to have a balance to happiness.
  • Cut down on waste.  Recognize where you are putting in great efforts but getting little returns.  Perhaps an area that used to be your biggest happiness producer is now a leach but you don’t see it.
  • Watch out for thieves!  There will be thieves looking to steal your happiness if you let them.  With money we use banks, vaults and safes to protect our assets.  With happiness we need to vigilant watchers of our world and who we allow access to it.

Happily ever after is a nice idea for the end of a fairy tale but it’s not a realistic plan.  The lotteries, both monetary and happiness, are not a plan.  They are a pipe dream.  Happiness and finances both need to be cultivated through some strategic planning.  Very rarely are either the result of the luck of the draw.

Happy days are yours to create!

Pete

self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance, Uncategorized

America Needs to SOCCER!

pulisicMost of the time soccer is a noun but today I’m going to use it as a verb.  Of course when you are creating a new word, it’s important to define it.  Here is my explanation of the term.

The action of “soccering” is not the act of playing soccer.  We already know how to say and do that.  And NO!  It doesn’t mean acting like you’re injured when no one did anything to you.  The action of soccering is the real life application of the virtues that are possessed within the game.  In soccer, players must make real time decisions about what to do, based on the stimuli that they take in from both teammates and opponents in order to achieve the outcomes of simultaneously reaching a goal while defending their own.  The soccer paradigm puts the impetus of decision onto eleven individuals acting as a collective rather than following the pre-scripted orders of an overseer.  Although positioning and style of play may be directed, principles and judgment are the main directors of decisions.

America needs to soccer!  It needs to take back the very impetus that this country was founded upon.  Regular people doing things as a collective that move us all forward and protect us against failing.   We need regular citizens who want to be self-determining within the existing system and help to influence that system.  At the moment we seem to be overwhelmingly passive and extremely willing to look for someone else to be accountable rather than looking to be responsible ourselves.

We can soccer by trying to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.  We can soccer by changing our perspective from a “they” to “we” mentality.  We can soccer by doing the right thing even if we know that no one else will notice but us.  We can soccer by deciding to take a chance on something that might not work, rather than doing it “the way we’ve always done it.”  There are so many ways to soccer but the thing about soccering is that it has to start with you.  You can’t tell someone else to soccer.  You can only show them how by doing it first and being an example.

Below is a long description of the historical paradigms where this thought came from.  If you are inspired to do something right now, then don’t read the bottom, act now, read later.

Why do I believe that America needs to soccer?  The historical successes of the United States have in large part been attributed to a football paradigm.  Land acquisition and forward progress are the hallmarks of the All-American sport.  In the past, both politically and economically, we have pushed forward in the name of progress and it has served us well.  Manifest Destiny is the perfect example. Presidents and other decision-makers laid out a playbook for the American people to score a touchdown on the Pacific coast.  Americans led the charge across the continent through wars and promised economic success, the way football players might listen to a play called from the sidelines.  The Space Race, the Arms Race, the Cold War and Industrial Revolution were all perfectly suited to the football paradigm.  So why change?

The reason for change is that the football paradigm is fundamentally flawed in a few different areas.  The idea of neverending progress is unrealistic.  At some point stock prices level off, profits decline and progress slows and stops.  In a paradigm that preaches forward motion as the truest indicator of success, it is not surprising that we have: insider trading, big CEO bonuses for bailed out companies and strategic layoffs to protect profits.  Individuals, companies and the government have all pushed toward their given marker of success whether it be money, land, power or prestige.  These success markers are not inherently evil or negative but their acquisition without thought to the human equation has created an imbalance in our perspective on success.

There are also the separations in the football paradigm.  The coach is the one who calls the plays.  The offense scores the points and the defense stops the other team.  Although all are members of the same team, it is easy to point the finger at another individual or group when things go wrong.  In the Industrial Revolution this system was completely acceptable.  Henry Ford brought forth the assembly line.  He took men who were making fifty cents per day and paid them five dollars per day because of his efficiency.  People were more than willing to be a cog in that machine because it was a better life than what they expected.  They were linemen but were happy to be that.  Now with modern technology and globalization that deal doesn’t work anymore.  That deal is being shipped overseas and no one wants to be a lineman anymore.  Everyone thinks they’re a quarterback and expects to be paid like one.

America needs to soccer because you’re part of the problem and part of the solution.  You’re on the field.  The decisions that you make on a daily basis matter.  The President, the senator, the governor, your boss, your wife, your children, your friends, your teachers are part of it all but so are you.  So before you point the finger, point the thumb.  What can you do today to SOCCER?

Thanks!

Pete