Blogpost, self-reliance

The Paper Wall

My daughter is one of the coolest people that I know for a variety of reasons. A particular instance that exemplifies this was when we moved into our last house. She was very particular about the decoration of her room. Above her bed, she wanted the wall to be brick and the skull of an animal (fake of course) painted gold hanging as decoration. Since the house did not have exposed brick in her room and we were not about to have it put in, she was happy to compromise with brick wall paper. It served her purpose quite well because it looked real enough for her and it could be easily changed.

In addition to her ever-changing sense of style, my daughter’s ability to move past obstacles is one of my favorite characteristics of hers. She generally doesn’t see them as obstacles at all. When she wants to learn how to draw better, she simply finds a way through a video, class or some other method. Upon deciding to play hockey, she was not bothered by the extreme learning curve between her and more experienced players. When she needs to buy something, she’ll make an impromptu business selling hot chocolate. It’s one of the ways that I would like to emulate her.

Most people in this world tend to see a series of brick walls between themselves and what they want. Their boss, finances, circumstances, parents, teachers, opponents, challenges, etc. are all standing in their way. While some of these walls may be solid, most of them are paper. They are as substantial as the stuff that we put up on my daughter’s wall. The problem is that we tend to imagine that they’re not. They look like brick! Or better yet, we’re afraid that they are brick, so we don’t even test them. We don’t even inspect them to see if they are anything more than paper. These walls give us the perfect excuse to do nothing. It’s just too risky to try to run through them. If we fail, we’ll feel foolish. Or worse! We might succeed and figure out that we’re more capable than we thought. Then we would have to push ourselves beyond our present expectations and that might be too hard!

This is not a finger wagging session that I’m having with strangers on the internet. As I usually do, I’m talking to myself more than anyone. There are walls in my path and I’m quite sure that they are paper or at best cardboard. They’re just in a different direction than I’m used to running. So I’m scared. Not that I’ll fail but that I’ll succeed. On the other side of these challenges, I may find another version of myself that was always available to me. Then I’ll need to reconcile why I didn’t do this sooner. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. First, I’ve got a wall to run through and you probably do too! So let’s get to it!

Love you Emily!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Worth Fighting For

It was 2003, I believe. As I was driving north toward Hyannis, Massachusetts, even I was having trouble making sense of what I was doing. Everyone else had bailed out and I had the same exact option. I was supposed to be part of a 4 or 5 person group who were all going to compete in the Hyannis Sprint Triathlon. My girlfriend (now wife) and her friends had made all of the arrangements. I was tagging along for my first triathlon experience. On the day of our departure at the last minute, everyone decided not to go but for some reason I went. Due to all of the uncertainty about the others, I got a late start. After 11pm when I arrived to town, the bed and breakfast where we had reservations was shutdown for the night. So I started scouring the town for a hotel room. The first place that I went had nothing. Luckily the Days Inn had one room left, the “honeymoon suite,” complete with mirrors on the ceiling and a heart-shaped bed. It was not ideal considering I would only be sleeping for about 5 hours but I took it.

Although the race didn’t start until later in the morning, I got to the headquarters around 5:30am because I needed to pick up my race packet and drop off my bike. My first triathlon was off to a bumpy start to say the least. Luckily my registration was done ahead of time and that was the first thing to go off without a hitch. Ill prepared, on my own and completely unsure of the task in front of me; I sat and waited. The swim was by far my weakest event and it is first. Despite being a triathlon newbie, I had received one piece of good advice from a veteran weeks prior, wear a wetsuit. It helps to keep you afloat slightly. Even though I had that slight help, I still swam very slow. Out of nearly 1000 competitors, I was around 800th after the swim (from results after the race, no idea at the time).

My ability on the bike was definitely better than my swimming but my equipment was not. I had borrowed my older brother’s mountain bike for the weekend and although it was functional, it wasn’t set up for speed. Of course I really can’t use that as an excuse because a few miles in, I was passed by an older gentleman on a bike from the 1950’s (I’m guessing). He had no gears or special clipped in shoes and he passed me like I was standing still. Luckily I was also moving up in the pack. I focused on one by one passing the person in front of me. By the end of the bike, I had climbed into the 500s out of 1000.

The run was by far my best event. Having been a track athlete and soccer player, I knew how to pace myself over long distances. However my legs were heaviest during this portion of the race. After about a mile, the weight of my legs was starting to get into my head. What was I doing? No one was here to cheer me on. I was alone. Whether I ran harder or not, that fact was not going to change. Then I started thinking about my girlfriend. Even though I knew she wasn’t there, I became fixated on the thought of her and my legs felt lighter. So I picked up the pace and began catching as many people as I could. Although I knew it really wouldn’t matter one way or another to her, I was able to mask the pain of the moment by associating my performance with her. Much like the knights of the past used to go into battle to win the favor of a lady, I put that emotion into my legs. By the end of the run, I had progressed to the low 300’s.

When I crossed the finish line, I still did it alone but I had a full heart. Although I had entered the race ill prepared and unsure, I walked away from the event feeling more certain. Since I had already paid for a hotel room that I used for about 5 hours, I wolfed down as much post race food as I could. Then I had just enough time to go back to the “honeymoon suite” to take a shower before checking out and going home.

This story is about me but it applies to many more people. There are battles to be waged throughout our lives. Some are simple and fleeting like a triathlon. Others are complex and life altering like cancer. Regardless of which you are engaged in, it’s important to realize that you don’t need to be alone in that fight even when you are alone. People believe in you. They care about you and want you to win. Sometimes that can be hard for them to say. Perhaps they don’t even know that you need to hear it because they just think it’s implied. In a world where we can send and receive messages from around the globe through a device in our pocket, we can forget to send the simplest of messages to the person next to us. Perhaps we need to turn off that “connection” device and get reacquainted with the device inside of our chest. It can also send and receive.

Now more than ever we have the opportunity to connect with those that we love in order to raise each other up. There are things in this world worth fighting for and most of us have more ability than we realize. Sometimes it just takes the right person believing in us to bring it out. Don’t wait around for them to say it though. Just trust that it is out there. No matter how many people are cheering you on, you need to show up first. You’re worth fighting for!

Thanks Beck!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Dollar Store Self-Esteem

It’s everywhere right now and it’s a real problem! I’m speaking from personal experience because I’ve been using this product for years. Dollar Store Self-Esteem! One of the biggest issues with Dollar Store Self-Esteem is that it’s not just sold in Dollar Stores. It’s sold everywhere! You can get it at Gucci, Walmart or even Tiffany’s. You don’t even have to get it at a store. It’s basically everywhere you look. Sometimes you have to pay more but the product is basically the same. It’s a cheap (or expensive) knock-off that tries to act like the real thing but it’s nothing of the sort. If we just look at the label then we can see that we’ve been sold crap but usually we just stick with it because it’s easier. The people who sell it are everywhere too. The ad campaigns are hitting us in the face all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not 100% positive if most people can tell the difference anymore. Now is the time to figure it out!

If you break it down, self-esteem should be a pretty simple concept. It’s confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. Unfortunately many of us (including me) have mangled this definition. Notice that the definition of self-esteem has nothing to do with other people, things or ideas. It is all about the confidence that the individual has in themselves. At the moment, it is so much easier to extract the “self” from the equation. Rather than accomplish something or move toward a personal goal, the order of the day seems to be finding the fault in everyone and everything else in the world. That’s Dollar Store Self-Esteem! It’s nothing more than a sugar coated air bubble. It may feel good for a moment but it’s empty and unsatisfying. No matter how many you eat, it will not sustain you.

So if you notice yourself about to buy another dose of Dollar Store Self-Esteem, STOP! Take a moment and do something that might actually make you feel better about yourself. Rather than attacking that stranger whose opinion is different to yours on Facebook, send a message to someone you love. When you see the latest picture of Karen, Tom, Dick or Harry; acting in a way that you think is abhorrent. Don’t comment, go do something that you’ve been putting off for a long time. It’s not as easy I know and that comment, Tweet or like was probably going to change something (tongue in cheek).

The world is in a pretty messed up place at the moment. If you want to, there are plenty of people and situations that you can blame. More blame isn’t the way out of this situation. More action is. Each and every one of us has the ability to impact the world that we touch everyday. As we are seeing with the present Pandemic, we are all connected. So doing good things in your own little world is not futile. It will do two things! 1) It will make you feel good about you. 2) It will ripple outward. Spiral out, keep going!

Have a great day people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Jello Jenga

I didn’t realize before I started writing this that it was a drinking game. For me it’s actually just a concept that I’ve been thinking about recently. Under normal circumstances, the game of Jenga (even the drinking kind) is played with some form of wood blocks arranged in a tower type construction. A player must remove a block and put it on top of the stack without causing the entire thing to collapse. It takes some concentrations and manual dexterity.

As I have been thinking about people and their problems recently, I imagine that many people would love for life to work something like Jenga. Identify the problem, remove it and put it someplace/discard it. The mental image works to a certain extent but our lives, problems, fears, and anxieties are not firm and solid things. They are much more fluid and unstable like jello. So imagine the tower of jello rectangles, wobbling and shaking, as you try to remove one of the blocks. Although it may be possible to get it out, it’s not going to be a neat and tidy operation. It will probably take several attempts. Half of the block may remain stuck in the space and require a different angle of approach. In addition to the extraction, there is the eventual sagging into the open space. It may have been one block that was removed but it affected all of the blocks around it in some way. The ripple effect may be felt throughout the entire structure.

My point here is not to create a very messy new game for people to try. Quite the opposite, it’s a game that you’re already playing. My entire point is to give a framework for dealing with some of the issues that people have. Quitting smoking, overcoming anxiety, dealing with depression and so many other extractions are going to be messy but they are possible. Humans were never intended to work like the machines that surround our world at the moment. We are fluid, ever-changing and imperfect structures that require a high level of care.

So as you go out into your life today. Survey your situation and see if any wobbly and sticky situations need to be removed. Using this idea as a framework, start to dislodge them. Just remember, that it’s not always going to be simple or pretty but you can figure it out even if it requires a spoon.

Have a great day people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Left Foot Psychology

It’s almost comically predictable at this point! The responses that I’m bound to hear when I say, “Ok, let’s do the same skill with your non-dominant (usually left) foot.” Most players will reply with “My left sucks!” or “I can’t do this with my left.” Other grumbles will be heard but I don’t let them linger for too long. I know that it is not so much their left foot that needs work, it’s their mindset.

After over twenty years of coaching and teaching, I am not surprised anymore. The same patterns of problems keep coming up over and over again. It’s not because people lazy, stupid or indifferent. One of the main reasons that people don’t do the things that they need to do is that they are trying to protect themselves. Their weaknesses are safety blankets that protect them from an effort toward something that might not work out. It’s not truly the effort that they are scared to put in. The uncertainty of the outcome combined with the effect that “failure” (real or perceived) would have on their self-image are the true obstacles.

So in my practice, it is my job to create a place where we redefine failure. Failure is not trying! Success is 1% improvement. If you missed the goal by 10 yards on the first attempt, then missing by 9.5 on the second is a success. This redefinition of success and failure gives an open invitation to effort and protects their self-image.

Most of us are not working with a coach on a daily basis. No one is redefining success and failure for us, so we stick with that safety blanket approach. We protect our self-image because it is important for us to feel good about ourselves or at least comfortable with who we are. The exercise regiment, new eating habits, relationship tweaks, etc. are not safe because if we tried and it didn’t work out, what would that say about us? It would mean we’re a success.

That’s right! It was easy enough to see the efficacy with little kids kicking a ball but as soon as it is our weakness, it seems much more complicated but it’s not. Trying is your new measure of success. (Yeah, Yeah! There is no try. F$#% Yoda for the moment) Once you’ve tried, then any small smidge of improvement is something to be celebrated. You jog 100 yards on Monday. Then on Tuesday you do 101, that’s success. Perfection is not attainable and movie style miracles are not coming your way any time soon. So get up off your a$$ and put your left foot forward!

Have a great day people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Caboose of Your Choices

At one point in history, the caboose was a standard part of a train. It served many functions. It was used as lookout point for identifying issues with the cars being towed by the engine. The caboose was also where the crew of the train tended to live. As train technology improved, the caboose was deemed unnecessary and discarded. Although technology made the actual caboose irrelevant, it is possible that it makes our life caboose much more relevant. Allow me to explain.

If you picture your life as a train heading down a track, there are splits in the track everywhere. From moment to moment, you are presented with choices of which direction to go. Some choices you labor over as you see them approach. Others you’ve made so often, you don’t even view them as choices anymore. You just staying on that track. All of those decision are made at the front end based on what you, the engineer, see coming up. In a modern context, things come up fast because the world is moving at an alarming pace. So it is no wonder that as we are moving forward we forget that we live in the caboose.

We forget the fact that when things slow down and the place where we live catches up, those momentary choices may have us in a really bad spot. The choices, that only took an instant, deteriorate as soon as the engine passes by and leave the caboose living in a desert of poor consequences. It’s easy to beat yourself up when the caboose comes along but you need to get the message up to the engine “Remember we’re back here!” I say ‘we’ because there are so many parts of your life living in the caboose: health, relationships, finances, self esteem, etc. So what do you do?

  • Make a plan – decide where it is that you want your caboose to end up and spend most of its days, WRITE IT DOWN!
  • Follow the routes – someone else has done this thing before, follow their procedure
  • Keep that plan in mind – keep the plan somewhere that you will see it often, build habits into your life that perpetuate the plan
  • Stay on track – (pun intended) you know you better than anyone, build processes into your life or take things out that make it more likely that you’ll reach your destination

It’s easy to look at the world and say “there are no tracks”. So you feel like you’re at the mercy of the world. You’re absolutely right! There are no tracks if you don’t lay any but as I said at the beginning, there are some decisions in your life that ceased to be decisions a long time ago. In the future, you want those new habits to be the things that you don’t consider anymore.

This entire post sprung out of a thought that I had while listening to an Impact Theory interview with Trevor Moawad. The interview is amazing and I loved so many parts of it that I’ve listened to it at least ten times already. However I disagreed with his statement about choice being an illusion. I believe that we have the ability to choose but those choices get followed up by a full train that endure the consequences.

STAY ON TRACK PEOPLE!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Trauma or Possibility?

Marathon

I had blood all over me.  I didn’t know where I was.  It was the coldest that I’d ever been in my life.  I couldn’t see a thing.  All that I could do was scream.  Luckily help was nearby and I was able to calm down.  It had been a difficult trial but I was alive and in the hospital.  Just when things seemed as if they would be OK, a complete stranger came along and chopped off a quarter of my penis.  All of that trauma happened in the first twenty four hours of my life.  Despite that very rough beginning, I’ve done quite well for myself.

This story is at least partially true for almost all of us.  We were all thrust into this world naked, afraid and unable to speak, read or write.  It is not something that we give much thought to because it happens to everyone.  However birth (or creation) is a messy and traumatic business by all accounts.  Not just the human producing ones but also the birth of companies, relationships, art or anything else.   There is always that starting point of conception that is magical and exhilarating.  Eventually that moment is replaced by some form of hard labor in order to get the creation out into the world.  Just because it’s painful, doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it.  The narrative of the present day is about safety and comfort.  Our world has had most of its sharp edges taken off.  While I’m all for vaccinating against the next Bubonic Plague, there are some struggles that are important for people to go through.  Not all pain is trauma.

As you conceive the next dream of where you’re going or what you’re doing, do a little pre-trauma planning.  Like a person that is preparing for a marathon, it is important to understand your “quit points”.  Quitting is not shameful if it is done for the right reasons.  A broken leg is a justifiable quit inducing occurrence.  Cramps are a nuisance to be fought through.  The difference between trauma and possibility is perspective and the next few steps that are taken.  Expectation that everything will be easy is a sure fire way to turn every problem into trauma.  Traumatizing yourself with things that should be expected is recipe for disaster.  Imagine freaking out because your newborn child couldn’t walk.  It’s a process not a fully completed miracle.  Take the possibility and run with it.

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Teenage Ten (The 10 Movies High School Boys Should Watch and Why)

Movies are a spectacular medium for telling a story and also relating a message.  One of the main reasons that I believe that movies can be so transformative is that they work a lot like memories.  They are not the full story because showing every small detail would be exhausting and detract from the overall point.  Also they tend to be “larger than life” which is what we often do with our memories.  We do not have a completely accurate recollection of the situation, often our emotion about the situation tends to give more color to them.

For these reasons and many others, movies are great teachers.  They give us audience to experiences that we may have never had.  It’s done in safe environment.  We can have peak emotions while taking whatever information is on display and assimilate it as our own.  Below is my list of movies that a high school age boy-man should see in order and what they should extract from them.  They are listed in a tenuous order where the lessons build on top of each other but in the binge watching culture of today, the order may not matter as much.  By the end of this list there may be an accusation that I have a “man crush” on Matt Damon but that crown belongs to Ryan Reynolds!

There are a ton of spoilers in the descriptions of each movie.  So if you want to go in with a clean slate, just refer the list below to start and return to this post for the descriptions and takeaways:

  1. The Martian
  2. The Matrix
  3. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
  4. Rocky
  5. The Breakfast Club
  6. The Wizard of Oz
  7. Dead Poet’s Society
  8. Rounders
  9. Swingers
  10. Good Will Hunting

 

MartianThe Martian (2015) – This movie has probably the most overarching message that young men need to have ingrained.  Each of us has exactly one job on this planet or that planet:  FCO (Figure Crap Out).  Throughout this great story, Matt Damon’s character keeps getting sucker punched by circumstances.  Every time that he comes up with an answer, a new problem arises.  Despite all of issues that he has, his determination to FCO is the key component to his success and the lesson that needs to be carried out of the movie.  I use the acronym FCO because “responsibility” seems stuffy and oppressive but that’s all that I’m talking about.  The ability to respond to a situation coupled with the recognition that it’s on you to do so.  Thumbs are a feature that separates humans from much of the animal kingdom.  Although they help with our ability to grasp things, I believe in the concept of “thumbs before fingers.”  Point at yourself first with the thumb before pointing at anyone else with the finger.

matrixThe Matrix (1999) –  After the Martian, the next step is to recognize that each of us has exactly one possession in this world: the mind.  The body and the mind are definitively linked but “the body cannot live without the mind.”  This movie can be taken to so many places philosophically.  The main one that I would focus on to begin with is that of belief.  While the Martian had a focus on the ability to respond, it takes belief in one’s abilities to engage with situations.  Although uploading information directly to the brain through a computer program has not happened (yet), the picture painted is relatively accurate.  In order to navigate successfully through life, one must acquire skills.  As skills are layered one on top of the other, belief is constructed.  Unlike the Matrix, this takes time and deliberate effort in the real world but it is worth it.  Believing in yourself long enough to make things happen is crucial.

Walter mittThe Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) – I would absolutely love for all of the philosophical concepts covered in this movie to hit home with the young men who watch it.  Right down to the LIFE motto which has so much to offer.  However if just one thing was to be extracted from this film, the idea of connecting your dream world to the real world would be it.  Humans are special in a variety of ways but our ability to imagine things then make them happen is one of our greatest strengths.  Walter’s life starts out as a collection of day dreams where he escapes his reality.  In the end, he starts engaging with life and has better experiences than most of his daydreams.  All of our actions start in our minds but if they stay there, then they only exist in the hypothetical.  We must transpose our dreams into the real world in order to give them life.

RockyRocky (1976) – You’re going to lose!  This may not seem like a very positive message to take in.  However at times, the odds are going to be so astronomically against you that it may seem like trying isn’t worth it.  People are going to tell you that you’re crazy.  In those circumstances, you need to find a version of success that is in line with who you are and stretch yourself.  There are magical moments throughout this film including the 14th round knockdown.  Probably the most important comes prior to the fight where Rocky admits to himself and the woman that he loves, exactly who he is and what he expects of himself.  Power is not always displayed through a punch.  Often power is ability to be vulnerable and defenseless to the people that matter.  Although most of the movies thus far have focused on going for the prizes that are out there to be won, Rocky is a reminder that winning is not everything.  There are ways to go through life as a “success” without winning every time.  So be prepared to be punched in the face!

wizard of ozThe Wizard of Oz (1939) – Like so many of the movies on this list, there are a variety of takeaways.  Even though the main character is a teenage girl on an adventure to get herself home, I’ll focus on the great and powerful Oz.  This is a man who has created  a reputation of great prestige and power for himself.  In the end, he is only a small man hiding behind a curtain who is trying to project a fearsome alter ego.  Each and every one of us will have to put a version of ourselves out into the world.  Many of the people that you will meet will be exactly like the Wizard of Oz, lots of theatrics to make themselves seem important.  Eventually we realize that the Wizard was valuable because of what he had to offer the travelers, not his big persona.  So as you project yourself into the world decide who you will be.  Also be on the look out for people who are hiding behind the curtain.

BreakfastThe Breakfast Club (1985) – I’d like to believe that the walls of cliques in high schools have broken down slightly since this movie came out.  Unfortunately I don’t know that it’s true.  Even if it is, there are still valuable things to be taken from the film.  Mostly it involves self-reflection and understanding your place within the social strata of your world.  Ideally everyone in your school, town, etc. would get along wonderfully.  Unfortunately that’s not very realistic.  So recognizing how you perceive and are perceived by others is extremely important.  You don’t need to live in the box that others try to put you into but knowing that you’ve been put in the box helps if you want to break out of it.

DeadPoetsDead Poet’s Society (1989) –  Similar to The Breakfast Club, the ideas of conformity and living in a school community are on full display.  Whether it is teachers, parents or peers; there will always be pressures to become what other people want you to be.  There is nothing wrong with people trying to influence you.  Generally it is done with a certain amount of caring for your well being.  However the teenage years are a time for self-discovery.  Figuring out who it is that you want to be.  I’m not calling for all out revolt against the powers that are trying to influence you.  But rather a recognition of the pull of the things that make you feel most alive versus the push of those in positions of power in your life.  In most cases there is a balance to be struck.  The death of Neil toward the end of the film is a cautionary tale about failing to communicate.  The Dead Poet’s Society is all about expressing one’s self honestly.  Try to find your voice.

RoundersRounders (1998) – On a surface level this movie is absolutely about poker but it has several layers underneath that are worth exploring for a young man.  First is the concept of friendships and loyalty.  The movie does a good job of putting loyalty on full display while also warning against blind loyalty to people who may no longer deserve it.  The reason why I truly put this movie on the list is the scene with Mike in the Russian bath house.  He tells Joey Knish about an encounter with Johnny Chan.  “I’m just going to outplay the guy, this hand.”  So many of us get overwhelmed by how big our goals are in this world when it all comes down to this.  Are you going to give it your all in this moment?  Are you willing to bet on yourself?  If you’re not, then who else will?

Swingers.jpgSwingers (1996) – This movie is on the list for a very specific purpose.  As a young man gets into the dating world, there is bound to be rejection either external or internal.  Although you may never hear the word “no” from a girl but there is still rejection because you rejected the idea of asking.  The story that each of us has running inside of our own heads about who we are and what we are capable of is crucial.  After years of being tentative with women in the singles world, Swingers gave me a new insight.  If I approached a girl and she “rejected” me, it had very little to do with me and more to do with her perception of me and the perception I projected.  This is a skill like any other that must be honed and practiced over time.  The “bear” discussion between Mike and Trent in the middle of the movie is the key.  There are ancillary parts about dealing with a breakup but overall this movie got me to believe in all that I had at my disposal to “kill the bunny”.

GoodWillGood Will Hunting (1997) – This is another film that has layers to it.  Although it could be dissected from a variety of angles.  We’ll focus in on the romantic relationship.  Will has put up walls and created masks to protect himself from both past and future pain.  That constant state of protection keeps him from all of the possibility that is banging at his door.  He is so afraid to admit who he is that he creates a fake world that he shows to other people and denies possible opportunities to move on to a better existence.  His relationship with Skylar is tumultuous at best but that is a result of his protection strategy.  The movie Swingers was all about how to get your foot in the door long enough to get someone interested.  Once you are inside, you need to let the other person see who you are.  Teenage relationships are supposed to be like chemistry experiments.  They are supposed to blow up in your face from time to time but you learn and progress based on what you’ve learned.  If you are always in protection mode in order to avoid being hurt, no one will see your imperfections.  That may seem like a great strategy until you actually find someone who you want to let in, you’ll have no practice.  

These are most definitely not the only movies available that could have an impact on a young man’s life.  These are just the ones that I’ve selected at the moment.  I’m sure that each person out there has at least one that could be added with good reason.  So in the comments below, give me your suggestions.  Even I had trouble keeping it to just ten.  Below is my honorable mention.  So with that film in mind as I finish this post up, don’t just be a consumer!  Take these films into your life (RESPONSIBLY of course!)

Enjoy!

Pete

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Honorable Mention

VeterinarianFight Club (1999) – This is a film with great possibility but it comes with a lot of distractions for the young teenage mind.  So I put it on the list very tentatively realizing that many will get sidetracked by the sex, violence and mayhem; missing the point completely.  Although Fight Club focuses principally on the underground club that encourages violence and eventually mass destruction, the key component to the entire story is the relationship between the “two” main characters.  The two is in quotations because they are both Tyler Durden.  Tyler is split in two.  Each version brings something to the table but Brad Pitt’s character leads the charge into uncharted territory.  He is everything that the other version of himself is not.  He’s confident and capable!  This is taken to the extreme of course but it is something all of us have within us.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Blogpost, self-reliance

Amazon Doesn’t Work Like The Amazon (The Balance of Being Human Today)

RightNowThe past was a simpler time in many ways!  There’s no doubt about it.  The complexity of the world has jumped exponentially.  Despite its complexity, human beings remain relatively the same.  The complexity is around us, not within us.  So it is possible to keep the effects of the world at bay if we remember that we are part of the “natural order” of things.  In most cases we act much more like animals than machines.  Despite this fact, we expect ourselves to work similar to machines or want results to show up machine time.

Our ancestors understood that the amount of time spent hunting was far greater than the amount of time spent eating.  This proportion is a natural occurrence.  Obviously there would be times when a quick hunt would happen but it could not be relied upon.  The same was true of the harvest.  While the farmers did less “intense” labor than the hunters, it was stretched out over a longer period of time.  Again the time and effort spent obtaining the desired outcome was far greater than the time enjoying it.  However these proportions were in line with expectation.  So people prepared and adjusted for them.  Now we live in the world of Amazon, INSTAgram, SNAPchat and Uber.

These services and other recent cultural norms are not bad if they are kept in context.  The separation of modern expectations from “natural” phenomena is the key component to surviving the complexity of our world.  Trust is not one click away.  Overnight shipping is not available on love.  Physical fitness is not dependent on an application but rather dedication over time.  Keeping the expectations for the enjoyment of results in correct proportion to the necessary inputs to obtain those results is the key.  This balance can be difficult for people to maintain because the call of the modern context is so enticing.  Why would you spend months going to the gym when you can swallow a pill?

My hope for you is that you’re able to see past the false advertising.  Many of the things that you want are not available “On Demand” and that’s OK.  If everything were as easy as one click shopping, it would cheapen the peak experiences of life.  Time, struggle, intention, effort, passion and so many more ingredients are the appropriate price tags for what is truly important in this world.  It is those people that keep in line with their nature as humans who will avoid the trappings of the modern world.  So go out there today and get whatever it is that you want but don’t click on “one day shipping”!  Enjoy the process instead!

Pete

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Blogpost, self-reliance

The Challenge for June!

RunningI’m continuing to challenge myself going into the month of June.  Last month I did not eat until I posted a blog.  This month, my focus is on my exercise routine.  Each day I will do what I refer to as 2 out of 5.  I’ve developed a list of 5 exercises to choose from each day.  In order to meet my requirement each day, I must complete two of the five from the list but cannot repeat the same exercises two days in a row.  The intention is to build consistency into my regimen while maintaining some variety.  We shall see what this does.  Below is my list of five:

  • Run 2 miles or more.
  • Do 250 push-ups or more.
  • Do 125 air squats.
  • Run 10 sprints or more (100 meters)
  • Do St. Johns for 25 or more. (AB rotation: Each exercise done for 25 reps or more, crunches, jack knives, one legged jack knives (each leg), scissors, heal touches, mason twists, 1 minute plank)

While I’m putting this out in public to hold myself accountable, I’m also happy to help anyone else looking to challenge themselves.  If you’d like to take the month of June in order to get a little more consistency to your workouts, feel free to reach out.

Get things done!

Pete

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