I had blood all over me. I didn’t know where I was. It was the coldest that I’d ever been in my life. I couldn’t see a thing. All that I could do was scream. Luckily help was nearby and I was able to calm down. It had been a difficult trial but I was alive and in the hospital. Just when things seemed as if they would be OK, a complete stranger came along and chopped off a quarter of my penis. All of that trauma happened in the first twenty four hours of my life. Despite that very rough beginning, I’ve done quite well for myself.
This story is at least partially true for almost all of us. We were all thrust into this world naked, afraid and unable to speak, read or write. It is not something that we give much thought to because it happens to everyone. However birth (or creation) is a messy and traumatic business by all accounts. Not just the human producing ones but also the birth of companies, relationships, art or anything else. There is always that starting point of conception that is magical and exhilarating. Eventually that moment is replaced by some form of hard labor in order to get the creation out into the world. Just because it’s painful, doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it. The narrative of the present day is about safety and comfort. Our world has had most of its sharp edges taken off. While I’m all for vaccinating against the next Bubonic Plague, there are some struggles that are important for people to go through. Not all pain is trauma.
As you conceive the next dream of where you’re going or what you’re doing, do a little pre-trauma planning. Like a person that is preparing for a marathon, it is important to understand your “quit points”. Quitting is not shameful if it is done for the right reasons. A broken leg is a justifiable quit inducing occurrence. Cramps are a nuisance to be fought through. The difference between trauma and possibility is perspective and the next few steps that are taken. Expectation that everything will be easy is a sure fire way to turn every problem into trauma. Traumatizing yourself with things that should be expected is recipe for disaster. Imagine freaking out because your newborn child couldn’t walk. It’s a process not a fully completed miracle. Take the possibility and run with it.
Movies are a spectacular medium for telling a story and also relating a message. One of the main reasons that I believe that movies can be so transformative is that they work a lot like memories. They are not the full story because showing every small detail would be exhausting and detract from the overall point. Also they tend to be “larger than life” which is what we often do with our memories. We do not have a completely accurate recollection of the situation, often our emotion about the situation tends to give more color to them.
For these reasons and many others, movies are great teachers. They give us audience to experiences that we may have never had. It’s done in safe environment. We can have peak emotions while taking whatever information is on display and assimilate it as our own. Below is my list of movies that a high school age boy-man should see in order and what they should extract from them. They are listed in a tenuous order where the lessons build on top of each other but in the binge watching culture of today, the order may not matter as much. By the end of this list there may be an accusation that I have a “man crush” on Matt Damon but that crown belongs to Ryan Reynolds!
There are a ton of spoilers in the descriptions of each movie. So if you want to go in with a clean slate, just refer the list below to start and return to this post for the descriptions and takeaways:
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
The Breakfast Club
The Wizard of Oz
Dead Poet’s Society
Good Will Hunting
The Martian (2015) – This movie has probably the most overarching message that young men need to have ingrained. Each of us has exactly one job on this planet or that planet: FCO (Figure Crap Out). Throughout this great story, Matt Damon’s character keeps getting sucker punched by circumstances. Every time that he comes up with an answer, a new problem arises. Despite all of issues that he has, his determination to FCO is the key component to his success and the lesson that needs to be carried out of the movie. I use the acronym FCO because “responsibility” seems stuffy and oppressive but that’s all that I’m talking about. The ability to respond to a situation coupled with the recognition that it’s on you to do so. Thumbs are a feature that separates humans from much of the animal kingdom. Although they help with our ability to grasp things, I believe in the concept of “thumbs before fingers.” Point at yourself first with the thumb before pointing at anyone else with the finger.
The Matrix (1999) – After the Martian, the next step is to recognize that each of us has exactly one possession in this world: the mind. The body and the mind are definitively linked but “the body cannot live without the mind.” This movie can be taken to so many places philosophically. The main one that I would focus on to begin with is that of belief. While the Martian had a focus on the ability to respond, it takes belief in one’s abilities to engage with situations. Although uploading information directly to the brain through a computer program has not happened (yet), the picture painted is relatively accurate. In order to navigate successfully through life, one must acquire skills. As skills are layered one on top of the other, belief is constructed. Unlike the Matrix, this takes time and deliberate effort in the real world but it is worth it. Believing in yourself long enough to make things happen is crucial.
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) – I would absolutely love for all of the philosophical concepts covered in this movie to hit home with the young men who watch it. Right down to the LIFE motto which has so much to offer. However if just one thing was to be extracted from this film, the idea of connecting your dream world to the real world would be it. Humans are special in a variety of ways but our ability to imagine things then make them happen is one of our greatest strengths. Walter’s life starts out as a collection of day dreams where he escapes his reality. In the end, he starts engaging with life and has better experiences than most of his daydreams. All of our actions start in our minds but if they stay there, then they only exist in the hypothetical. We must transpose our dreams into the real world in order to give them life.
Rocky (1976) – You’re going to lose! This may not seem like a very positive message to take in. However at times, the odds are going to be so astronomically against you that it may seem like trying isn’t worth it. People are going to tell you that you’re crazy. In those circumstances, you need to find a version of success that is in line with who you are and stretch yourself. There are magical moments throughout this film including the 14th round knockdown. Probably the most important comes prior to the fight where Rocky admits to himself and the woman that he loves, exactly who he is and what he expects of himself. Power is not always displayed through a punch. Often power is ability to be vulnerable and defenseless to the people that matter. Although most of the movies thus far have focused on going for the prizes that are out there to be won, Rocky is a reminder that winning is not everything. There are ways to go through life as a “success” without winning every time. So be prepared to be punched in the face!
The Wizard of Oz (1939) – Like so many of the movies on this list, there are a variety of takeaways. Even though the main character is a teenage girl on an adventure to get herself home, I’ll focus on the great and powerful Oz. This is a man who has created a reputation of great prestige and power for himself. In the end, he is only a small man hiding behind a curtain who is trying to project a fearsome alter ego. Each and every one of us will have to put a version of ourselves out into the world. Many of the people that you will meet will be exactly like the Wizard of Oz, lots of theatrics to make themselves seem important. Eventually we realize that the Wizard was valuable because of what he had to offer the travelers, not his big persona. So as you project yourself into the world decide who you will be. Also be on the look out for people who are hiding behind the curtain.
The Breakfast Club (1985) – I’d like to believe that the walls of cliques in high schools have broken down slightly since this movie came out. Unfortunately I don’t know that it’s true. Even if it is, there are still valuable things to be taken from the film. Mostly it involves self-reflection and understanding your place within the social strata of your world. Ideally everyone in your school, town, etc. would get along wonderfully. Unfortunately that’s not very realistic. So recognizing how you perceive and are perceived by others is extremely important. You don’t need to live in the box that others try to put you into but knowing that you’ve been put in the box helps if you want to break out of it.
Dead Poet’s Society (1989) – Similar to The Breakfast Club, the ideas of conformity and living in a school community are on full display. Whether it is teachers, parents or peers; there will always be pressures to become what other people want you to be. There is nothing wrong with people trying to influence you. Generally it is done with a certain amount of caring for your well being. However the teenage years are a time for self-discovery. Figuring out who it is that you want to be. I’m not calling for all out revolt against the powers that are trying to influence you. But rather a recognition of the pull of the things that make you feel most alive versus the push of those in positions of power in your life. In most cases there is a balance to be struck. The death of Neil toward the end of the film is a cautionary tale about failing to communicate. The Dead Poet’s Society is all about expressing one’s self honestly. Try to find your voice.
Rounders (1998) – On a surface level this movie is absolutely about poker but it has several layers underneath that are worth exploring for a young man. First is the concept of friendships and loyalty. The movie does a good job of putting loyalty on full display while also warning against blind loyalty to people who may no longer deserve it. The reason why I truly put this movie on the list is the scene with Mike in the Russian bath house. He tells Joey Knish about an encounter with Johnny Chan. “I’m just going to outplay the guy, this hand.” So many of us get overwhelmed by how big our goals are in this world when it all comes down to this. Are you going to give it your all in this moment? Are you willing to bet on yourself? If you’re not, then who else will?
Swingers (1996) – This movie is on the list for a very specific purpose. As a young man gets into the dating world, there is bound to be rejection either external or internal. Although you may never hear the word “no” from a girl but there is still rejection because you rejected the idea of asking. The story that each of us has running inside of our own heads about who we are and what we are capable of is crucial. After years of being tentative with women in the singles world, Swingers gave me a new insight. If I approached a girl and she “rejected” me, it had very little to do with me and more to do with her perception of me and the perception I projected. This is a skill like any other that must be honed and practiced over time. The “bear” discussion between Mike and Trent in the middle of the movie is the key. There are ancillary parts about dealing with a breakup but overall this movie got me to believe in all that I had at my disposal to “kill the bunny”.
Good Will Hunting (1997) – This is another film that has layers to it. Although it could be dissected from a variety of angles. We’ll focus in on the romantic relationship. Will has put up walls and created masks to protect himself from both past and future pain. That constant state of protection keeps him from all of the possibility that is banging at his door. He is so afraid to admit who he is that he creates a fake world that he shows to other people and denies possible opportunities to move on to a better existence. His relationship with Skylar is tumultuous at best but that is a result of his protection strategy. The movie Swingers was all about how to get your foot in the door long enough to get someone interested. Once you are inside, you need to let the other person see who you are. Teenage relationships are supposed to be like chemistry experiments. They are supposed to blow up in your face from time to time but you learn and progress based on what you’ve learned. If you are always in protection mode in order to avoid being hurt, no one will see your imperfections. That may seem like a great strategy until you actually find someone who you want to let in, you’ll have no practice.
These are most definitely not the only movies available that could have an impact on a young man’s life. These are just the ones that I’ve selected at the moment. I’m sure that each person out there has at least one that could be added with good reason. So in the comments below, give me your suggestions. Even I had trouble keeping it to just ten. Below is my honorable mention. So with that film in mind as I finish this post up, don’t just be a consumer! Take these films into your life (RESPONSIBLY of course!)
Fight Club (1999) – This is a film with great possibility but it comes with a lot of distractions for the young teenage mind. So I put it on the list very tentatively realizing that many will get sidetracked by the sex, violence and mayhem; missing the point completely. Although Fight Club focuses principally on the underground club that encourages violence and eventually mass destruction, the key component to the entire story is the relationship between the “two” main characters. The two is in quotations because they are both Tyler Durden. Tyler is split in two. Each version brings something to the table but Brad Pitt’s character leads the charge into uncharted territory. He is everything that the other version of himself is not. He’s confident and capable! This is taken to the extreme of course but it is something all of us have within us.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
The past was a simpler time in many ways! There’s no doubt about it. The complexity of the world has jumped exponentially. Despite its complexity, human beings remain relatively the same. The complexity is around us, not within us. So it is possible to keep the effects of the world at bay if we remember that we are part of the “natural order” of things. In most cases we act much more like animals than machines. Despite this fact, we expect ourselves to work similar to machines or want results to show up machine time.
Our ancestors understood that the amount of time spent hunting was far greater than the amount of time spent eating. This proportion is a natural occurrence. Obviously there would be times when a quick hunt would happen but it could not be relied upon. The same was true of the harvest. While the farmers did less “intense” labor than the hunters, it was stretched out over a longer period of time. Again the time and effort spent obtaining the desired outcome was far greater than the time enjoying it. However these proportions were in line with expectation. So people prepared and adjusted for them. Now we live in the world of Amazon, INSTAgram, SNAPchat and Uber.
These services and other recent cultural norms are not bad if they are kept in context. The separation of modern expectations from “natural” phenomena is the key component to surviving the complexity of our world. Trust is not one click away. Overnight shipping is not available on love. Physical fitness is not dependent on an application but rather dedication over time. Keeping the expectations for the enjoyment of results in correct proportion to the necessary inputs to obtain those results is the key. This balance can be difficult for people to maintain because the call of the modern context is so enticing. Why would you spend months going to the gym when you can swallow a pill?
My hope for you is that you’re able to see past the false advertising. Many of the things that you want are not available “On Demand” and that’s OK. If everything were as easy as one click shopping, it would cheapen the peak experiences of life. Time, struggle, intention, effort, passion and so many more ingredients are the appropriate price tags for what is truly important in this world. It is those people that keep in line with their nature as humans who will avoid the trappings of the modern world. So go out there today and get whatever it is that you want but don’t click on “one day shipping”! Enjoy the process instead!
I’m continuing to challenge myself going into the month of June. Last month I did not eat until I posted a blog. This month, my focus is on my exercise routine. Each day I will do what I refer to as 2 out of 5. I’ve developed a list of 5 exercises to choose from each day. In order to meet my requirement each day, I must complete two of the five from the list but cannot repeat the same exercises two days in a row. The intention is to build consistency into my regimen while maintaining some variety. We shall see what this does. Below is my list of five:
Run 2 miles or more.
Do 250 push-ups or more.
Do 125 air squats.
Run 10 sprints or more (100 meters)
Do St. Johns for 25 or more. (AB rotation: Each exercise done for 25 reps or more, crunches, jack knives, one legged jack knives (each leg), scissors, heal touches, mason twists, 1 minute plank)
While I’m putting this out in public to hold myself accountable, I’m also happy to help anyone else looking to challenge themselves. If you’d like to take the month of June in order to get a little more consistency to your workouts, feel free to reach out.
It is graduation season! Whether high school or college or even pre-school, millions of students will be walking forward to receive their diplomas. This tradition has carried on for centuries and will probably continue into the foreseeable future. The act of public recognition of achievement is extremely important. It releases a cascade of chemicals into our systems that act as a reward/marker for the accomplishment. Our feelings are what drive us to do almost everything in our lives. So the event is important but what about the paper? What does it say or not say about us as individuals?
The things, that a diploma is, are numerous. It is a certificate of completion of requirements. Depending on the level of study, it may indicate certain levels of outstanding performance. It is a signal of a certain level of commitment. At the university level, it is almost a form of tribalism that uses the reputation of the institution to in theory say something about the individual. All of these and many more are things that a diploma may say. But even more important for graduates at the moment is what a diploma does not say.
It does not say:
That you’re done learning.
That you’re smart.
That the world now owes you something.
That you won’t need to reprove that you deserved to earn the diploma.
That you are less than, equal to or better than anyone else with a diploma or without one.
That you’re stuck pursuing that one thing for the rest of your life.
That the value of the diploma won’t change over time.
Obviously this is just a short list but at this point you probably get the picture. A diploma is a piece of paper. In the end it is not the paper that matters, it is you! You are the one who will go out into the world to make things happen. Pinning that paper to your chest to use as a shield against all future challenges is a poor strategy. INSTEAD use the diploma as a milestone. A marker that delineates the difference between one portion of your life and another. The story that we tell ourselves about ourselves is extremely important. So recognize that the paper is flimsy, easily tarnished and not very valuable on its own because another copy is available at a price. However you have the ability to be anything that you decide to be regardless of the paper. You are what truly matters and your continued pursuit of life will be the record that you will be judged upon. There is no other copy of you, even if you’re a twin. Take your individuality and mix it with what you have learned and pursue those things that create energy within you. Build a life that you will be excited to get up and live every day!
You are the ancestor of survivors! Cavemen and women who braved the bitter cold, extreme heat and dangerous predators just to continue the species. Their successors improved hunting and developed farming in order to make survival more probable. Eventually they were succeeded by people who developed technological advances that gave us every advantage and the ability to bend many of the laws of nature to our will. This is your lineage!
Despite that fact, you feel weak, uninspired, defeated or out of control. For so long our species had one objective: stay alive. Now that survival is less of a concern, we seem to have forgotten how to live. The words “successors” and “succeeded” were used intentionally because they illustrate a point that has been lost in the shuffle of the demands of modern life. Success is now an arbitrary term that people often conflate with money, possessions or other status symbols. It was originally about passing something on to those who would come after.
So don’t balk at the opportunity that you have. You are the descendant of people who were brave, resilient and strong. They left us every advantage and that has tricked us largely into believing that we are weak that we are nothing without them. That we can’t handle the cold or the heat or the difficult or uncertain. DON’T ASSUME THAT YOU’RE WEAK, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T FOUND YOUR STRENGTH YET! Inside of your very DNA is the stuff that made survivors. Now it is your turn to do whatever you can with the time that you have. Your strengths, the things that you were meant to do are out there, waiting for you. Your belief in them and your ability to find them will beckon them eventually but first you must act! You must do things that take you outside of your comfort zone. Test the limits to see where your strengths lie!
In 1998 I spent almost a month in Europe with my best friend, Schaef, attending the World Cup. When you think of life experiences, it really doesn’t get much better than that. Spending a month engrossed in the thing that you love the most with one of the people that you love the most. It truly was an amazing trip but when it was over he and I didn’t speak for almost two months. The experience of that trip has helped me in a variety of ways, one of which I’ll share here.
The trip was planned extremely well by my friend. He was the planner and I played the role of translator because I spoke both Spanish and French. We flew into London and saw the sites there briefly. Our main focus was the games. So site seeing was kind of a fast paced game. We tried to see as much as possible in the smallest amount of time possible. Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, etc. were all done in a day and at a quick clip.
Then we took trains down to Barcelona where we spent a few days touring and watching games in the afternoon. Again, the Olympic Village, La Sagrada Familia, Gaudi’s buildings and all were seen but not studied as we had to block out times for the matches which were almost social events along Las Ramblas. Unfortunately Schaef lost his passport on our second to last day there. For that story, CLICK HERE.
Our next stop was Paris. There was of course the visit to the US Embassy in Paris to get a new passport which took longer than we would have liked. After getting it we had to rush to pick up our tickets to the five games that we were going to attend. Our first match was Germany vs USA. Despite both being American we were following Germany through the group stage. The most memorable thing from following Germany for me was the warm-up. Watching Jurgen Klinsmann get crossed balls for him to side volley from head height was amazing. He was obviously a world class player honing his craft and I loved seeing it up close. In addition to that match, we saw the Louvre in less than 2 hours. Art lovers we are not! Next was Germany vs Yugoslavia which was in Lens, a much smaller venue and not much around.
We fit in a quick trip to Munich Germany to experience Schaef’s heritage. This was the first time that I felt like we needed some space. I didn’t speak German but I felt there was an expectation that I was still on translation duty. I learned quickly how to say “Zwei biere, zwei pretz” (two beers and two pretzels) which was about all we needed to survive. That feeling of unnecessary expectation faded quickly because we were back on the road to Montpelier to see our final group stage match, Germany vs Iran, which ended with Germany winning the Group. Montpelier was also the first place that we were able to kick a soccer ball around. We met a girl from Chicago who got her brother to lend us a ball. Her father’s only directions were “don’t pop it”. Now I’ve never popped a soccer ball before in my life. But sure enough, the very last kick of the ball took a weird bounce hit this tree with spikes on it and POP! We felt so bad for the kid, I think we gave him around $140 in Francs to replace it. At this point, the togetherness was getting difficult. I even started smoking cigars on a daily basis just to get away for a bit.
Our final day of matches was filled with drama both on and off the field. We went to the knockout stage match in Lens between France and Paraguay which Les Bleus won in overtime. This was inconvenient for us because we had another match to attend in Paris that night and OT almost made us late. On top of that we had to navigate around riot police due to an altercation that happened during the match outside the stadium. Despite the difficult circumstances we got onto a fully packed train back to Paris. Denmark beat Nigeria handily that night.
We traveled back to England in order to catch our flight home. At this point, we have not had one argument or negative word said but we don’t speak much on the flight. The next day we part ways and don’t talk for about two months. Eventually we pick right back up in a good spot but we obviously needed some time apart.
This experience taught me so many things about relationships but the two main ones were: most upsets come from a mismatch of expectations and no matter how much you love someone, space is necessary at times. These both came into play in the best possible circumstances.
On a daily basis, we are not dealing with the best possible circumstances but we are cultivating our most important relationship. Each and every day we are in the closest possible contact with our key associate: the self. Although it may seem odd to apply the same concepts to an internal relation as an external but they can be used to good effect.
First the mismatch of expectations with who you think that you are or should be is a common cause of upset. We have a narrative about who we are inside of our head. Some of it is conscious and other parts unconscious but when our external environment fails to meet our expectations of who we are, it creates issues. Those issues can manifest in a variety of ways but the underlying problem is that our life does not match our expectations. One way to combat this is actually create a definitive description of who you expect yourself to be on a daily basis. Not the “best case scenario” or “ideal self” but rather standard operating procedure or bare minimums description. This way you are setting yourself up for success. Exceeding these expectations will be a gold star to shoot for but at least you have a definition of who you will accept going out into the world each day.
The second is slightly more complicated because getting distance from yourself can seem difficult. I’m obviously not talking about physical distance but rather psychological distance. The daily opportunity that we have for this space is sleep. I truly believe that people who do not sleep well have a more complicated internal life because they are caught up too directly in their own story. The inability to take a break from being puts additional stress onto the relationship with the self. Other forms of psychological space from the self are meditation and exercise. These can both be extremely effective provided that they can be done without intense focus on “results”. Using these tools to take a mental vacation will have great effects provided that the vacation is not turned into a business trip.
So recognize that you’re on a lifelong trip, living out of a purse sized “bag”, with the same person that you cannot get rid of. It would make sense for you to make them a friend, possibly your best friend. In order to make it work though, you’re going to need to set expectations and give each other space. Otherwise you could end up hating the person inside your head and that seems like a bad way to spend this great trip that you’re on.
This is your one and only opportunity at TODAY! Yes tomorrow is right around the corner but there is no guarantee that the same situations, circumstances or people will be available. Whether you are truly in a once in a lifetime situation or simply building the inertia that will be necessary to get you over the mountain that your climbing; TODAY CANNOT BE DISCOUNTED! So give it the attention and forethought that an opportunity like this deserves. If you treat today like every other day, then that is exactly what it will be. However if you treat it like the unique opportunity that it is, you’re more likely squeeze all of the juice out of it. So ask yourself the following questions:
What do I want long term?
What do I want short term?
What can I do today that will bring me closer to both?
Once you’ve identified those three things, then take action! You can’t do everything today but you can do something. Your life is a series of one day sales. Can you become the best possible shopper or leave the store empty handed because you didn’t notice the signs? The choice is up to you!
In my junior year of college, I traveled to Ecuador as part of a winter semester program. I lived with a local family and took a class on literature. It was a life altering experience on a variety of levels. Although I went there to improve my Spanish abilities, I can link many of my fundamental beliefs back to that trip. I changed as a person during my time there. One of the simple ways that I changed was that I became the “King of Introductions”. There was no official coronation! It’s an unofficial title that I developed for myself but it was a key component to many later successes.
Two days after Christmas in 1996, I arrived in Ecuador. After a few days of touring, I was paired with my ‘Ecuadorian family’ on New Year’s Eve. For the next two days, I attended no less than three family parties. If I had to guess, I was introduced to over fifty people in less than 48 hours. Obviously all of those introductions were done in Spanish. It was nothing that I had planned but the more times that it happened, the better that I got at introducing myself. With the first few people, I was only saying ‘hello, nice to meet you’. Eventually the conversations got more robust with full explanations of why I was in Ecuador and my thoughts about the country so far. The repetitions were the key. Even though all of conversations were slightly different, each one gave me another opportunity to organize, edit or add. By the end of those first two days, I was definitely the “King of Introductions”.
It seems so simple but often people ignore this methodology. People give up on things quickly because they’re not “good enough”. The need to not look foolish is ingrained so strongly within us that we tend to avoid even chancing it. So we never get past the peasant status much less reach to the level of king. With something so simple, it would seem like everyone would follow this recipe but often we don’t. Any success requires that you:
Notice what’s working/what’s not
Adjust the approach
Pay attention to those already getting the result you want
It’s almost too easy, isn’t it? The problem usually isn’t a lack of role models to follow. It’s a failure to take any action at all. When there is no guarantee of success, a lot of work and a possibility of looking foolish; peasant status is what is chosen. In the minds of so many, it is better to be the peasant that never tried rather than the one who went for the crown and failed. The most important thing for you to recognize though is that the walls between you and the crown are usually built by you. The world offers all kinds of riches and above is the plan for how to get any of them. We just need to be willing to follow it long enough to get them!
In about a month and a half, I’ll be moving to Virginia. It’s an exciting time! Filled with all kinds of possibilities. While we’re looking forward to that future, we must first deal with the daunting task of moving all (or most or some) of our stuff. The process of packing is a necessary evil where you must decide what is going with you and what things just need to go! Some people have trouble letting go of the things that they’ve accumulated over the years. For better or worse, we get attached to things from the past and have trouble letting go.
The same holds true for the events from our past. Some are vital and need to be packed in bubble wrap to make sure that they never get damaged. While others should be sold at a garage sale or taken to the dump. It’s difficult though. Somehow the events of our lives feel like part of us and letting go of anything seems like a mild betrayal to who we really are. Much like the physical moving, the weight of carrying the past into the future is a consideration to be made.
Since we are talking about emotional weight rather than the physical, the process for unloading or putting old memories into deep storage is different. It is actually the process of making the memories that support the new future bigger/more important or re-purposing those unhelpful memories. Talk about, envision and feel the stories from your past that you want to carry forward with more intensity and belief that it is who you are. Let the less than helpful ones fade or flip them to support where you are going rather than where you’ve been. That breakup or firing does not need to be a scar on your self-esteem. It can be a rallying cry for better performance in the future. Those “small” accomplishments that you overlook when you discuss what you’ve done can be made larger and more vivid. It is simply a process of focusing on it in a different way.
So regardless of who you are or what portion of your life you are in. You’re always packing for the future. What are you going to bring with you? Are you going to allow yourself to be weighed down by things that are probably insignificant to where you want to go? Or are you going to be selective about the “baggage” that you carry with you? It’s all your baggage but you don’t need to carry it all.
“It’s my industrial strength hairdryer. AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!”