I don’t feel comfortable sharing their names as I have not asked for parental permission. Nor would I ask because these people have definitely suffered enough. In my almost twenty years of coaching, I’ve lost no less than five former players to suicide, drugs/alcohol and avoidable accidents. This may not be statistically significant to some but it is something that I carry with me always. In the eyes of many, the job of a coach is to direct an individual or group in technique and tactics in order to win a particular contest.
While this may encapsulate what coaching is for some, I can define coaching in one word: PROGRESS! When broken down to the molecular level, this is what coaches should be striving for. The progress of an individual or a group in not only their sport of choice but also as people. At some levels, progress is measured by winning and it should be. Professional athletes and coaches are in the business of competition/entertainment. Their business model is dependent upon the sale of tickets, jerseys, food, etc. and winning is a key ingredient in that equation. The problem is that the base blocks of the pyramid are not supposed to look like to the top block or “pyramidion”. Basically 99% of all soccer played in the world is either true recreation or competitive recreation. The previous statement will probably stick in the craw of many people but this fact should be embraced rather than lamented.
Recreation is the main reason that athletics came to be. The battlefield was given up for the athletic field, where defeat did not mean death. Therefore the “vanquished” could improve and RECREATE themselves into a better version. Progress as an athlete meant facing your shortcomings. That self-analysis is a skill that overflows into everyday life. Recognizing one’s own weaknesses is not weakness. It is actually strength because it allows the individual the possibility of progress. Pain + Reflection = Progress is a formula coined by Ray Dalio (Bridgewater Associates). In it lies the secret that so many of us continually overlook. Failure is a key component to progress. Those who are unwilling or unable to see their own faults cannot hope to move past them. Since coaching is about progress and failure is a necessary ingredient to progress, then winning can’t be the point.
Having lost so many former players, I know all too well that the results of today’s game matter little compared to the results of a lifetime. The point is not to win the game but rather to have a dynasty of days that have been won by moving forward. So take the long term view with yourself and those that you care about. Decide that short term wins that lead to long term loss are not in your game plan. Recreate yourself regularly and recognize that the only person that you’re competing with is you.
Have great day!
Pete
At one point in history, I’m sure that superlatives meant something. I surely felt like they did during my childhood. Michael Jordan was definitely the best player in the NBA. You didn’t need to shout it louder to make your point. It could be said softly with a calm assurance that it was accurate. As the internet has given a voice to every two thumbed animal with a high speed connection, superlative seems to be a game for people who want to yell the loudest.
My soccer career started on a team called the Orange Crushers. I didn’t know what “irony” was at seven years old but our name epitomized it. We crushed nothing and it seemed as though our purpose in the league was for us to be crushed by others. My memories of that season are a complete blur except for one game. In one of our final games of the season, we won and I scored. I was so glad when it happened. The other team from town, Blue Bombers, was filled with friends and classmates and they were undefeated. So that lone victory was important for me because I’d received some ribbing at school. Perhaps that lone victory kept me hanging on despite the poor start to my soccer career.
Fantasy sports are a popular pass time for many people. It is no longer a young male adult game but something that any sports fan can attempt. For me, the only one that has ever held my attention was fantasy football. The scoring is easy to follow and the games are only once per week. The concept behind fantasy sports is a simple one, try to compile the best team that you can in order to earn the most points each week. There are many different perspectives on drafting players but the overwhelming concept is filling your team with as many “superstars/point getters” as you possibly can.
Hollywood is regularly churning out super hero movies and their sequels. At the moment they seem to be almost a sure thing at the box office. Iron Man, Spider Man, Batman and Captain America all seem to capture the imagination of the people as they pay big movie theater prices to see these super humans. It is obvious that “super” is what the people want to see.
The beauty of the art of Self-Rejection is that it is so easy. You only need yourself and the dream of something inside of your head. They are your paint and your canvas. Like an infant sitting in a highchair eating spaghetti, it is possible to create a beautifully horrible landscape of all of the things that could go wrong. You will be laughed at, shunned, ignored, or defeated. And there it is inside of your head, a masterpiece of nothing. Nothing real at least.
I inadvertently ruined Santa Claus for my son this morning. Late last night I typed up a letter to a former professor and friend. This morning my son asked to use my laptop to look up something for school. I had completely forgotten to close out the document where I had talked about our holiday season and our kids still believing in Santa. Ultimately it could have been a lot worse because he is old enough to move on from that belief.
As we are moving past the time when most people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions, I offer this subtle reminder. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED. It is sometimes a difficult thing to swallow. Goals and resolutions are pretty and shiny when we create them. Everything will go great! You’ll be able to maintain this level of excitement until you get to the end! The problem is that we usually forget or don’t know the following.
In this extremely fast paced world, it’s easy to get distracted from that which is important in favor of that which seems important. It is the reason why we make shopping lists and set reminders for ourselves. Getting caught up in the moment is not only normal, it seems to be a way of life. Despite all of the technological and societal distractions, it would seem as though we might have accidentally thrown out all of our babies in order to make room for more bathwater. Perhaps it is time to decide what is truly important and focus on it.
Kids pretend all the time. They turn sticks into swords, a backyard into a jungle and anything has the potential to be magical. Then as we grow, it seems to be trained out of us. We tend to see ourselves in finite terms. Our limits are not those of our imagination but rather of our circumstances. We don’t consider the impossible or even the improbable because it has been trained out of us. Pretending is child’s play and most of us consider ourselves too mature to do that. The truth is that we’re all pretenders, we’ve just bought into a more sophisticated game.
Huryk Unlimited 