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You’re a Plane, Not a Helicopter!

takeoffI have a friend who has pretty strong anxiety about flying.  It’s actually not so much the flying but specifically the taking off and the landing.  Proximity to the ground is the cause for most of the anxiety because hitting it in some unwanted fashion would be a real bummer.  I’m not sure how she would deal with riding in a helicopter.  With the liftoff being so instantaneous when compared with a plane, I’m not sure if it would be easier or harder to deal with.  I’ve never been in a helicopter but my guess is that the sensation of it is very different.  Since I’ve never been in a helicopter, I just assume that most people haven’t been either.

Despite that fact it seems as though people have a generalized desire for the Helicopter experience in their lives and work.  The overwhelming feeling that I get (and sometimes have) is that success should require effort for sure but then you just lift off from there.  While I recognize this is irrational, it does not stop people from wanting it.  The lottery winner type story seems almost ingrained in our consciousness to the point that it overrides our rational brain.  So it is time to embrace the fact that we need a runway.  As humans, we’re generally not going to reach the heights of our potential in a “straight up” way.

As you go out into the world to make big things happen, realize that you need to build a runway.  Reaching the highest heights is difficult when you’re running into trees, rocks and walls.  You need to clear a path for yourself to take off.  This may take a finding a new location or lots of elbow grease.  Regardless, building a good runway is better for the process of your takeoff rather than expecting your plane to be a helicopter.  The world tends to work in specific ways, so lay the groundwork and eventually you’ll be “ready for takeoff”.

Enjoy your flight!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

We Lived In Castles

castleAt certain point in history, in particular parts of the world, the wealthiest people such as kings lived in castles.  I’m sure many people have fantasized about living in a castle.  The fantasy probably does not mirror the reality of what it was like hundreds of years ago.  By comparison, the comforts of most of our modern day houses outshines castle living.  Castles were made of cold stone without heat or air conditioning.  Although they served as protection from the elements in some ways, there was no escaping the fact that survival was the order of the day and not comfort.

In the past month, I’ve challenged myself to take cold showers every morning.  This has been an eye opening experience for a variety of reasons.  Although I started it for a variety of health benefits, it has actually been the change in perspective that I’ve noticed the most.  The key to making it through the cold exposure is control.  Not control over the external world but control over the internal world.  Recognition of the discomfort that you are in and finding a way to become comfortable with it is a revelation.

WE LIVED IN CASTLES!  The wealthiest people used to live in a discomfort that we don’t really understand but they survived.  The human body, mind and spirit are actually set up to endure much greater discomfort than we put ourselves through on a daily basis.  The thing is that we’ve lured ourselves into the comfort trap.  We’ve trapped ourselves into a 10 or even 5 degree window of comfort.  It’s not the circumstance but rather our perspective on it that traps us.  We believe that we cannot handle the discomfort, so we live as if it were true.   The space between where you are and where you want to be is filled with the discomfort that you think you’re not ready for.  So the question becomes, do you want to live in comfort of your present life or in the castle of your dreams?  Neither of them requires your circumstances to change, the latter requires that you do!

Get moving!

Pete

Blogpost, posh

Modern Football/Soccer Fandom: A Practical Guide

In football/soccer, the most popular teams tend to ebb and flow with their success.  The crowd of front-runners and bandwagon jumpers is most likely not going anywhere.  It is just too intoxicating to be “a winner”.  Historically speaking, the team that you were bound to support depended heavily upon your geography.  The local team was the one that people supported because they were an extension or a representation of you and your community.  Since we now live in a more global community, you can choose to support any team because local is basically everywhere. Whether or not the true locals embrace you as an equal or anyone knows about your fandom is immaterial. Being a fan is a series of choices. My terms for these choices would be PICK, STICK, SUFFER and CELEBRATE.

The first step is to PICK a team. Depending on who you are, this may include picking a name out of a hat, detailed spreadsheets with statistical data or in my case, a desire to make a video game more challenging. The reason you choose a team is less important than what you do from then on.

Probably the most important step is to STICK. Once you’ve picked a team, you need to stick with them, regardless of results, personnel changes or other inconveniences. Front runners and bandwagon jumpers struggle with this step and it is what precludes them from being true fans regardless of the number of jerseys or scarves they might own. Being a fan is similar to being in a committed relationship, sure breakups happen but moving around too much says something.

SUFFER might seem like an undesirable step to go through but it is necessary to be a true fan. Anyone can go through the motions of fandom. Buy some merchandise, watch a few games and you’re acting like a fan. The true test for whether you’re invested is that you hurt when your team hurts. If you feel nothing in the moments of disappointment, then most likely you’re a tourist. Taking pleasure in success is also far too easy for anyone to do. I take pleasure in different teams success all of the time. As my team needs points toward the end of the season, I will celebrate almost any team’s success that helps my team’s cause. It’s pragmatism, not fandom. If you’re only in it for the good times, you’re not really in it at all.

Finally, you can CELEBRATE! You’re no longer a nomadic loner. You have a tribe! A group of people to share experience with. This may be relegated to online or through other means but that is largely irrelevant. You’re a part of something bigger than yourself. People have been doing this type of thing for millennia. Clans, cliques, clubs, tribes, guilds, unions, etc. fill a human need for connection. Now you’ve got one!

Now that you know the steps for being a fan, I would be remiss if I didn’t suggest my favorite club as a possibility. Peterborough United Football Club, known as “The POSH,” are small club located about an hour outside of London. After 17+ years of supporting the club, I’d say that I’m committed or maybe I should be. They play in the EFL Championship and typically are among the top scoring teams in English Football. CHECK THEM OUT!

Be a fan!

Pete

Blogpost

Steam Is Contagious

Huryk-LukeIt was many years ago but I’ve still not encountered a better example.  I was the field marshal at a youth tournament in Pennsylvania.  The players were under twelve years old and engaged in a very back and forth game.  One team was extremely adept at the offside trap.  Late in the game, there was a corner kick.  The cross was cleared out of the penalty box and the defense pushed up.  The ball fell to the foot of a offensive player about 30 yards from goal.  He shot.  The ball rocketed toward the goal and hit the post.  The rebound fell to a forward who was slow getting back onside and he scored.  The referee instantly called offside and awarded a free kick to the defense.  The coach of the team that had the goal disallowed went ballistic.  He screamed about how “ridiculous” the call was and asked about the referees sight, etc.  As the field marshal I felt that it was my job to diffuse the situation in order to avoid it interfering with the game.  I said, “Coach, if you’d like, I can explain to you why that was the right call.”  He responded, “I know it was the right call!  I’m just blowing off some steam.”

In most cases, soccer is not a life or death situation.  It’s a passion, diversion, recreation, fun or even a teacher.  The game has the possibility to do so many things because it garners the emotions of the people around it.  There is nothing inherently wrong with emotion.  We need them to live and color our lives.  However emotion without any sense of reason is problematic.  The word was chosen very deliberately.  REASON!  The reason why we’re there in the first place gets lost when we cannot control our emotions.  Referees become demons.  Opponents become enemies and sense of our self-interest overrides the judgment that we use elsewhere.  This is not so much of a problem when it is a single person.  However it seems to have become a societal norm.

The steam that so many people are letting off is clouding our vision.  The ability to see what is right in front of our faces.  Children.  Children who are looking at us for how to act.  Not just on a soccer field on Saturdays or Sundays but in their daily lives.  When something doesn’t go their way, they’re supposed to have an emotion freak out session because that’s what you do.  You don’t take a breath and refocus on the task at hand.  You don’t see the bigger picture.  You don’t recognize that human error is part of life and needs to be coped with.  Those things aren’t done because they’re hard.  They require effort, judgement and self-control.  These skills are difficult to develop, especially when you’re a child, watching the adults act like children.

So don’t breathe in the steam, just breathe!  Recognize that the children on the field have spent hours this week trying to improve their skills in order to perform for you.  Put your focus on that.  Double, triple or quadruple your focus on the fact that these are kids, trying to do something that is difficult.  AND DIFFICULT THINGS ARE THE ONLY ONES WORTH PURSUING!  So don’t produce steam, produce esteem for what everyone on that field is trying to do.

See you on the field!

Pete

 

Blogpost

Medals, Trophies and Tombstones

IMG_3917I’ve been extremely fortunate through the years to have won some medals and trophies, either individually or as part of a collective.  Most of them are in a box in my basement or in a display case that I don’t have direct access to.  Medals and trophies are all pretty similar.  They usually have a name of an individual or group, a year and the indication of some accomplishment.  As I was thinking about the trophies that teams and individuals are going to reach for this season, I realized that trophies are the tombstones of our past accomplishments.

They do not actually say anything about who we are in this very moment.  Instead they are a reminder of our former self.  Usually that persona is embellished by a form of nostalgia or selective memory.  This is actually not the worst thing in the world if it is employed correctly.  The idea is not to intoxicate ourselves with the image of our past self.  Deluding ourselves into believing that we are better than the flesh and blood that presently exists.  It needs to be used as a stepping stone toward something else.  If we worship our past achievements, they become ghosts.  If we use them as an indicator of our capabilities, then they become fuel for a fire within and path to possibility.

So don’t let your past self die without leaving an inheritance.  Make sure that your trophies are not tombstones but rather mile markers on a path that takes you to higher and higher heights.  You are always the product!  And there is no quicker way to the grave than to believe that all of your best days are behind you.

Keep climbing!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You’re Prehistoric!

cavemanWe live in a modern world but humans are prehistoric creatures.  Obviously we have acquired skills and knowledge that our ancestors did not have.  So I am not suggesting that we are on their level in that respect but I do want to point out that we are using the same hardware.  The same brain structure that caused us to run from saber-toothed tigers is now tasked with managing a world that moves faster than we were intended to go.  We’re overwhelmed and stressed because we created an environment that stresses and overwhelms our prehistoric brains.  This is not a blog to suggest that we go back to living in caves.  Rather it is intended to point out the fact that there are limits on our bandwidth, therefore we must manage ourselves so the prehistoric brain does not go into overload.

The odd irony to our situation is actually that in a modern world, very few things are trying to kill you.  This is an important thing to realize.  Our prehistoric brain’s major functions were centered around keeping the self and the species alive.  So things like fear and sex were major priorities, while general happiness was farther down the list.  The world that we live in requires very little self/species preservation.  Despite this fact, the “wiring” for the old world is still intact.  So a modern “threat” feels very much like a situation of life or death without any of the true peril.  The signals will continue to be sent in this fashion, until we are willing to “re-wire” ourselves.

This process is not like the re-wiring of house.  It doesn’t require a professional or a lot of money but it does require time.  Humans generally don’t change without time and/or major incentives.  A methodical approach to managing your mind can go a long way to creating a better life for you.  Regular practice at calming your prehistoric brain will go a long way.  Taking the time to recognize that your response to situations is not based on what will help but rather things that are pre-programmed will help you to re-program those responses.  Remember that you don’t have to act like a caveman even if you have the same operating system as one.

Go make history by reprogramming your prehistoric systems!

Pete

Blogpost

It’s Not You! It’s Me! (But It’s Really You)

CostanzaGeorge Costanza would not accept it! Upon being dumped by a significant other, she tried to employ the most common of breakup cushioning. “It’s not you! It’s me!” This is an age old ploy to deflect a super direct hit to the ego of the person being dumped. Rather than telling the person the real reasons that they no longer want to be with you, the softener is used.  While it may cushion the short term blow, it does nothing for the long term development of the person as a viable mate.  Costanza, as usual, is an outlier in his stance on “It’s not you!  It’s me!”  He doesn’t want to hear it.  He wants to know that it is his fault that the relationship is falling apart.  While a little aggressive in his approach, maybe it’s time to learn from George.

The finger of blame is wielded around like an oscillating sprinkler head.  It blankets the surrounding area effectively enough but the source never becomes a target.  It creates a two-fold problem that compounds over time.  People, who are unable to hear the truth of their shortcomings, never get beyond them.  Despite being adept at avoiding the mirror’s reflection, they usually become better at noticing the faults of others.  From a perch of perfection, the mere mortals that surround you seem almost foolish in their daily mistakes.  So the cycle of delusion and dispersion continues.  Until there is that extremely uncomfortable face to face meeting with the reality of imperfection.

The way to combat this is to cut it off at the beginning.  Assume that it’s you!  At least partially, if not wholly.  You’re to blame.  You didn’t do enough or did too much.  Put it onto yourself first because at least then you’re in control of it.  You can change something: an action, a habit, a relationship or even just your outlook.  When you take total responsibility for yourself and the things you can control, you’ll find yourself on much more stable ground to influence the people around you to do the same.  You’re not a victim!  You’re a contributor!  If all you have to contribute is blame and excuses, then you’re going to end up alone on your perch of perfection.  Waiting for it to fall!

Pete

 

Blogpost

I’ll Go For You!

L-Photo9-dog-sniffing-locker-1During my sophomore year of college, my two younger brothers were in high school together.  One was a senior and the other was a freshman.  At one point during the school year, there were “Drug sniffing” dogs brought in to do a search of the school.  Students stayed in their classes while the school was swept.  If your locker was tagged, you were supposed to report to the office in order to have your locker searched.  My freshman brother’s locker had a tag on it.  Completely panicked, he went and found his senior brother.  One question from the senior brother, “Do you have any drugs in your locker?”  The response was “no”.  The senior brother went straight to the office and reported that his locker had been tagged.  He brought the officials to the locker for it to be searched.  The school officials questioned whether this was really his locker or not because it was in a freshman hallway.  My brother was adamant!  This is my locker!  Upon being opened and searched, the locker did not contain any drugs.  There was however a half eaten box of crackers at the bottom which the dog must have smelled.  I wasn’t there and no one has discussed that incident for years but I still get choked up when thinking about it.

As I am going through preseason as a coach, I am always trying to instill in my players through my words and my actions, the exact sentiment that my younger brother displayed that day.  I’LL GO FOR YOU!  The idea that I’ll put myself in harm’s way for the good of others.  It’s one of the main reasons why I’m still involved in sports after all of these years.  It’s not the championships, trophies or victories.  It’s those moments when you can truly see that people throughout the team have that simple idea tattooed on their brains “I’ll go for you!”  I’ll give you everything that I’ve got and then some because I know that you’d do the same for me.

The ironic thing is that this has become so very rare in our society but the teams that I’ve seen do the best had this.  People are usually worried about what’s in it for them and when will they get their due.  In my experience, it seems to be that when you are willing to give everything and expect nothing, is exactly the time when you get more than your due.  This can be a difficult concept for a large group of people to buy into but when they do, it can be magical.

The best example of this idea that I’ve ever heard of was when Brett Favre of the Green Bay Packers had his father pass away.  There was some doubt whether or not he’d play the next game.  It’s not his decision to play that I find extraordinary but rather his teammates commitment to him.  In this video clip about the game at 2:19 Donald Driver (Wide Receiver) describes exactly what I’ve been talking about.  “Whatever he throws, we catch.”  In a time of pain for their teammate, they were not going to let him fail.  That’s what being a teammate and a family member is about.

Now don’t misread my words!  Not everyone deserves everything you’ve got but if no one is willing to go first then we all lose.  So be the one who is willing to give into the unknown.  Tell the people who truly matter with both your words and your actions; “I’LL GO FOR YOU!”  Most of the time you’ll find, they’ll go for you too!

Go team!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I’m Afraid to Try

“You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me.  I’m loner Dottie, A REBEL!” -Pee Wee Herman (Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)

DannyZukoThis line is from the quite ridiculous but still entertaining Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.  And it was co-opted by the band The Get Up Kids as a song title in the 90’s.  The song outlines one perspective of a short term love affair where the singer refuses to give the relationship a chance.  In his own words, “because I’m afraid to try.”  It’s an old story that probably precedes Danny Zuko in Grease.  Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girls.  Boy wants to leave while things are still fun and casual because a relationship is just too much work.

It’s applicable to so many things but relationships are possibly the easiest target.  In a world where Tinder and OkCupid are facilitators of the present dating scene, this mindset will probably get more widespread.  The fast and easy wins out over the slow build (which is perceived as a grind).  Of course this is only perception.  Reality holds millions of possibilities.  For many, a life with one person is a much more joyous existence than the shallowness of singles life.  Regardless of which way you lean, it’s not really the point.  The point is the actual words.  “I’m afraid to try!”  It’s not, “I’m afraid to commit!” or “I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt!”  It’s “I’m afraid to try!”

This is probably the most dangerous thing that I see from not just young people but people in general.  There is a fear of trying.  Putting yourself out there has the perception of being difficult.  And in the younger generation, it is chastised because for some reason “try hard” is now an insult.  Much like nerd or geek of the past, this is a completely idiotic strategy as a culture.  Demean those who excel in order to make the average feel better about themselves.  (But I digress)  The thing is that people have become so accustomed to guarantees that effort toward an unknown is just too scary.  There’s no point in following a rainbow because a pot of gold is not waiting for us.

It’s time to buck the trend.  TRYING (no offense to Yoda!) is often the point.  Finding our limits.  Pressing up against what is possible.  Discovering new territory is exactly the point!  Imagine where we would be if through history, we were this risk averse.  We’d be dead!  Hunters wouldn’t have had any assurances of catching any prey, so why go out to hunt?

Your survival and progress as human being depends on THE TRY!  So go out there today with the intention and determination to try.  It doesn’t need to be something monumental.  It just needs to be outside of your comfort zone.  An experiment, an attempt, a risk, a small gamble.  That’s the only way to move forward.  One little try at a time.  And I’ll suggest that you deny the teenage ridicule by TRYING HARD!

Have a great day people!

Pete

 

 

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Refuse to Lose Your Race

In high school, I ran track and field. High jump and long jump were my specialties but I also won points for the team in some of the sprints. Track is a completely different animal than most other sports. Although it’s a team competition, most of the events are competed as individuals. Much of a track meet is spent waiting around for your event to take place. So they end up being long affairs because all of the races are run on the same surface.

The longest race that was run in my area was the two mile. It could get time consuming if there were slow runners. So the officials would have the slow 2 milers move to the outside lanes and start the next race. It was pretty easy to tell the difference between someone running a slow 2 mile and the 400 meter relay, so it was an effective way to use the common space. Imagine though that the officials ran every single race at the same time. It would be chaos! Tracking who was leading which event would be difficult if not impossible. Despite this fact, it begins to paint a picture of the challenge that many people have internally and society may have externally.

The metaphor of a track and field competition is a useful one. Although time and distance are the two major measurements used, there are other factors that play heavily into certain events. A javelin thrower cares very little about the time of his run up but very much about his arm mechanics. The fact that all of the athletes are focusing on different components in order to get different results mirrors much of our perception of success in life.

People are gauging their success in different ways and for different reasons. Much like the simultaneous track events, it’s easy to get confused about whether you’re leading or trailing when comparing yourself with others. If you’re focus is on having a spectacular family life, you may feel like a failure when comparing your wealth to someone who is judging themselves only on the monetary metric. It’s a fool’s errand to try to beat someone at a game that you’re not even playing.

So the thing to do is Decide! Decide on the games that you’re playing. For sure you can play the family and monetary game simultaneously but recognizing that your attention is split between the two will keep you from caring about the 30 other games that are going on. Win on your own terms in the things that are important to you. You’re much more likely to enjoy the game when you set up the rules and keep score!

Ready?  Set!  Go!

Pete