Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

The Championship Photo

ChampionshipPhotoIn this country and around the world Champions are lauded for their accomplishments.  Usually the scene of victory is filled with a trophy to be kissed, confetti falling, champagne popping and players/fans rejoicing.  The reason that this scene is so easy to recreate in one’s mind is that it is pervasive throughout sport.  Depending on the particular sport, one could be even more specific about the scene.  Regardless of which championship is won there is an invisible specter that is ever-present but has seemingly been forgotten by many who are watching.  The fruits of the labor are on full display but the labor often gets overlooked.  In a world where instant gratification is becoming more of the norm will we be seduced by the empty triumph of getting the small reward now or choose the labor that creates real results?  The answer is that both will happen.

There will be many people who get swept up in the power of the “Now Economy”.  They will take the short term rewards and overlook some of the long term consequences.  It is not a surprising phenomena that people take the easier path.  On a biochemical level, our reward system is easily seduced by the immediate regardless of its hollowness.  It takes time and training to override this system.

The greatest of all time were able to train themselves to be long term greedy.  Rather than giving in to the temptation of the moment, they put in the work now in order to reap the benefits later.  Often that was months or even years later.  The prize at the end may have been what drove them but the process of attaining greatness is won daily.

Each of us has the power within to choose.  There probably won’t be a championship trophy at the end for most of us.  Our accomplishments won’t be on ESPN.  It will almost all happen on the inside.  The triumph will be over self and circumstance with only a few fans (friends and family) there to celebrate.  Will you be able to hold your head high based on what you have done?  Or will you be looking down at the path of shortcuts that you took to run yourself in circles?  You have the power to choose and you’re choosing right now.  Choose wisely!

Pete

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Call Him Double Down

DoubleDownMike – “This is Trent. We call him Double Down.”

Trent. – “Stop right there!  Ladies, don’t you always double down on an 11?”

Lisa – “No matter what. Like splitting aces.”

It’s a smart play to double down on an 11 in Black Jack because your chances of hitting 21 are worth the extra gamble.  On the other hand, it’s foolish to double down on a losing hand.  In cards your chances are based on mathematical probability.  Playing the odds is the name of the game.  Avoid the slim odds!

In our lives, the game is not entirely mathematical.  Decisions are made for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with probability.  Emotion, prior programming and a host of other variables lead to the less than logical decisions that we humans make regularly.  For example I double down on mistakes.  It’s not something I do intentionally.  It happens less today than it did a few years ago but it happens.  Most of the improvement in this area is due to habits and pre-scripting.

Like doubling down on an 11, daily habits that have the greatest possibility of working are key.  Usually these habits are not hard to find.  You know what they are but in the moment people get overwhelmed by emotion and choose the easy/comfortable route.  The path to where you want to go is not hard to find, it’s just hard to follow.  The more times that you follow that path, the easier it becomes to stay on.

Actors can definitely ad-lib their lines but for the most part, they work from a script.  Pre-scripting particularly difficult actions in your mind can be an effective way to get past them with the best results.  Visualizing the event in advance puts you into a proactive state of mind rather than reactive.  It does not resolve the situation in advance but can reduce the amount that emotion carried to it.

So go out into the world and bet on yourself.  Double down on the things that lead you to the life that you want.  Don’t allow yourself to bet on lottery number odds with your life.  Getting what you want is not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of time if you set the game up right!

Pete (The guy behind the guy behind the guy!)

Blogpost, self-reliance

What Won’t Be on the Test

TestThe other night I had dinner with a former student/player of mine.  We ran into each other a few months back.  Our common love of books and podcasts started the conversation.  He’s freshly out of college and we’ve been talking about life and career lately.  This dinner was a eye opening conversation for me and I’m hoping that this post will help someone who may be in the same spot as my friend.

The phrase that he uttered the most was “I don’t know.”  In some ways this could be viewed as a positive.  Moving from the teen years where young people tend to think (or project) that they know everything, “I don’t know” could be a sign of positive motion.  In this case (and possibly for this generation) there was a definite sense that his need to know was a bit of a surprise.  His GPS had gotten him to the restaurant.  He mirrored my choice in beer and our conversation followed that theme of uncertainty.  While I know that this is not completely his fault, he needs to deal with the consequences.  The finger of blame will do nothing to give him direction or satisfy the remainder of his life.  So how does one find the answers for the test that’s not coming?

The first step is recognizing that the answers are your answers, not right or wrong answers.  While the majority of a young person’s life may be spent in a very regimented existence today, the “real world” is becoming less definite each year.  The internet has changed the rules of almost every facet of our lives.  Industries that did not exist ten years ago are major components of our everyday life.  The economy, geopolitics, the job-market and many other areas of life are variable at best and regularly volatile. While this amount of change may be disconcerting to some, the way to avoid being swept away in a tumultuous seas is to have an anchor.  In a world that is always changing, it is important to find consistency in something that is under your control: YOU.

Perhaps the hand that you were dealt is not what you wanted, you still have to play it.  For most of us, mom and dad can’t be relied upon forever.  At some point we all must take responsibility.  Break that word down into “response” and “ability”.  Having the ability to respond to the good, the bad and the ugly of your life rests completely with you.  Is your response going to be “I don’t like this”, “I hate this”, “I’m not ready for this” or “I can work with this”?  Regardless of your circumstances, the only one that makes any sense is to work with the ingredients that you have.  Stop comparing your life to some celebrity’s airbrushed picture perfect life or some other source that detracts from your pure power.  No matter what comparison is a waste of time.  No one has exactly your set of unique ingredients, so the only person that you’re competing with is yourself.  There comes a time in each of our lives that we realize that this life belongs to only us.  It is not your teachers’, parents’, professors’ or bosses’ life.  If you choose to give them control, it is still your choice.  So no matter what the question, the answer is yours to choose.

The second key is realizing that time is on your side and patience truly is a virtue.  If you’re in your twenties or teens, you’ve got the time to figure things out.  Just because you don’t have the answer right now, doesn’t mean that you won’t eventually.  Amazon does not do “same day delivery” on the perfect life.  Even the most incredible stories of overnight success usually have a less known story of hardship and patience.  Unfortunately in a 140 character world, it’s easy to have expectations that surpass what the world actually consistently delivers.  The only thing that you can get RIGHT NOW is the opportunity to plant seeds that you can reap in a year, five years, ten years or more.  Climbing the mountain is not an instantaneous process and even if you could teleport there, you’d miss all of the good stuff that comes with the climb.

So take these two points out into the world and use them.  Anchor yourself with an unshakable belief that you can figure out your life on your terms.  Then be patient with your pursuits because nothing worth having comes without effort.  With those two concepts in mind, I’m sure that you’ll do well on this art project called life.  Enjoy it!  It’s yours!

Pete

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Early Seinfeld

SeinfeldSeinfeld is one of my favorite TV shows of all time.  It has so many memorable episodes and characters.  Despite my love for the series, I’m not a huge fan of the early episodes.  Many of the episodes, I just don’t find funny at all or they feel forced.  This is not surprising in the slightest.  It took those early episodes in order to get to the later ones.  Early failures lead to better episodes later.  A few of the story-lines were even repeated with better effect the second time around.  The early episodes of Seinfeld were not a good indication of where the series was going.

JKRowlingDespite all of the examples of enduring early hardship, there is still a pervasive desire for instantaneous results.  People want to be hit right away, if not sooner.  The perception of overnight success is usually due to the glossing over of the hard work done before the big break.  Sylvester Stallone was a breakout start with Rocky!  After he was a starving actor who had to deny a big pay day in order to star in his own movie.  J.K. Rowling had the blockbuster Harry Potter book series followed by movies.  After she was on welfare and had her book rejected by many publishers.  Most of us are looking for the triumph without the trials.  It seems that it doesn’t usually work that way.

The road to success in anything will most likely be filled with potholes, detours and poorly constructed bridges.  The sports car or limo that you’ve imagined yourself arriving in will probably not make the trip.  In fact you’ll probably have to go most of the way on foot.  Are you willing to make that trip?  Or will you take the easy road to Nowhere Near Where You Want To Be?  It sounds like a town that many people live in while they dream about being someplace else.

Get on the road today!

Pete

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Bock-rottom

bockrottomAbout a year ago, I was having a discussion with a friend and she said she had hit “bock-rottom”.  It was a moment of mental dyslexia.  I really liked the word but wasn’t sure what it should mean.  This morning on my run it became obvious what bock-rottom was.  Rock-bottom is the place lowest point that a person can hit.  “Hitting bock-rottom” is the act of hitting your lowest point, bouncing up and hitting the lowest point again.  It is so disorienting that it mixes up the letters.

Negative circumstances can be so discouraging that they thwart positive action.  Even worse is the discouragement of getting up from poor circumstances only to be knocked down again.  Look at that word again “discourage”.  Break it apart “dis-courage”.  The situation has taken away courage.  The thing is that courage is not created by circumstance, courage is created by people, INSIDE.  It is a choice to be courageous and one that can be made at any time.  Even in the worst of circumstances, courage is possible but are you really at bock-rottom?

If you’re reading this blog, chances are that you’re not at bock-rottom.  You’re most likely in the “pit of perception”.  You’ve made the hole that you’re in seem deeper inside your head.  Or you have a negative situation but you’re ignoring all of the positives that are working in your favor.  If you’re reading this, you have advantages that you’re probably ignoring because you’re focused on how bad it is.  You can read, you have internet access, you probably live in the US (but a shout out to my friends in India & Brazil), you have a mind that is searching for answers.  These are all advantages that can be used as weapons in the battle with your poor circumstances.  Complaining, whining and sulking are not going to help you.  Depression is not a strategy!  It’s an emotional state.  Just like a hole, you can climb out of it.

So take a moment to see where you are, since most of us are not truly at bock-rottom.  We’re in a bad spot that we need to get out of.  The fight is yours to make.  Is there any value in giving up?  Don’t surrender to circumstances.  Make your circumstances!  Here’s the theatrical version!

Make today a better day!

Pete

 

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Your Life in Sexual Terms (Uncomfortable content, you’ve been warned!)

strawberryIt’s a longstanding phrase in advertising, “Sex Sells!”  It sells things that have nothing to do with it whatsoever.  Sex or the perception of sex has been used to advertise cigarettes, alcohol, deodorant, shampoo and so much more.  The reason is that it works.  If someone is able to link your desire for sex to their product, they’ve increased their chances of making a sale exponentially.  So with this all in mind, I’m going to try to sell you on your best life in sexual terms.  This sales pitch will start with the less desirable and move up from there.

Rape – Acting on your desires without any thought to the impact or desires of others is rape.  You do things that you know are wrong but you just don’t care.

Fantasizing – All of the action happens inside your head and stays there.  It’s perfect because it’s all imaginary.  You can have anything that you want and be exactly how you want to be but in that moment, it’s just you ALONE!

Masturbation – Desire with a little action is masturbation.  You’re one step up from fantasizing.  You’re actually doing something that will produce a result.  But let’s face it, you’re still alone and you’re still not doing what you really want to be doing.

One Night Stand – You’re another step up the ladder!  You’ve gotten that thing that you’ve been hoping for.  This is a good sign but you know it’s basically meaningless.  A temporary band-aid over the bigger desire that you have.

Porn Sex – You’re doing something like what you want but you’re mainly showing off.  You know there’s an audience and it’s obvious that this isn’t who you are.  Once the spotlight is off of you, you’re going back to your normal life and it’s not as glamorous as you want it to be.

The F*#% Buddy –  This is a comfortable situation.  It’s meeting a good number of your desires and regularly enough that you don’t feel like you’re going without.  It’s a good place to be but you know it can’t last forever and you’ve got needs on other levels that aren’t being met.

The Committed Relationship – This is where you want to be.  It’s good for you and good for the people around you.  There’s a compounding return on the weeks, months and years that you’ve put into this.

Now that we’ve defined the terms, let’s apply them to an area of one’s life.  Let’s use personal fitness.

  • A person who does not care about their fitness at all is raping themselves.  Over and over acting only out of desire and never thinking of consequence.
  • A person who sees fit people and thinks about how they could be or used to be is just fantasizing.
  • The person who joined a gym but never goes or goes only when they feel like it is masturbating.
  • Training for and running a 5K is a one night stand.  It’s not going to last.
  • Entering a fitness challenge at work is porn sex.  Without the spotlight, it’s just not happening or at least not to the level that it is.
  • Personally I’m in a F*#% buddy relationship with my fitness.  I do it when I feel like it.  I’m not committed to it.  It’s convenient but not committed.  I’m missing out on all of those connections that would take it to the next level.
  • The fit person is in a committed relationship.  Not particularly to the type of exercise that they do but rather to their body.

Apply these labels to any area of your life.  It could help you to realize that you’re raping your career and you really don’t want to be anymore.  No matter what your situation this is a tool to help you examine where you are and where you want to be.  ENJOY!

Pete

If you’ve got suggestions for other possibilities, leave them in the comments.

 

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Check the Ingredients

IngredientsAt one point in my life, ketchup was not a condiment, it was an ingredient.  Ketchup sandwiches were a staple of my diet.  Any undesirable food such as broccoli could be made digestible with an ample serving of ketchup.  Obviously this is not an ideal system for a balanced diet.  It was more of a survival tactic for an extremely picky eater rather than a conscious decision about eating good food.  Eventually I learned that ketchup was not the answer to all of my food issues.  It wasn’t versatile enough to be an everyday ingredient.

When putting together the ingredients for a great day, it is easy to think of all of the garnishes and forget about the main ingredient.  If asked what are the ingredients to a great day, what would you say?  Sunshine, a beach, friends, family, food, and drink are all things that I typically hear.  People usually don’t lead off with the number one ingredient to every day of their life.  You are the only person that will be there every single moment of every single day of your life.  So shouldn’t you be the first and most important ingredient regardless of all of the garnishes.  No matter the other circumstances that surround you, you should be the ingredient that defines the dish.

JamesEarlJonesDespite the extremely broad reach that the internet gives us, people seem to feel as though they are at the effect of their circumstances.  If circumstances were what made people, then a frail asthmatic doesn’t become a president revered for his adventures.  A stutterer doesn’t become one of the most recognizable voices of his era.  And an actor with a partially paralyzed face doesn’t become the face of multiple film series.  The truth is that we all know that circumstances are only part of the recipe.  It is just easier to use poor circumstances as an excuse for poor results.  Or a lack of resources as a reason for no results.  You may not have everything you need to make today great but you have the most important thing and that is you.  You’re the ingredient that you’ve been waiting for!  If you’ll step up to the challenge and be what today needs.

Go be the best you today!

Pete

 

 

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Leaders and Followers

LeadButtonIn a world where almost anyone can have 1,000 or more followers, who is doing the leading?  It seems as though there should be a connection between the two: leaders and followers.  Unfortunately the act of following has such a low threshold for involvement that many have it as the default option.  Following is easy, semi-rewarding and comes with little to no responsibility.  The problem is that just because people are following, doesn’t mean that anyone intends to lead.  Following the car in front of you is a good strategy if you’re going to the same place.  It’s a horrible strategy if your intentions are different than the person you’re following.  Leadership should be an intention, not meandering with followers in tow.  So the question is, who should be a leader?  You!

You should be a leader of at least one person if not more.  Leadership is needed now probably more than ever before in the history of the world.  The reason that leadership is in such high demand is because we as a people got so damn good at following.  We’ve become so exceedingly talented at following that we barely recognize our power to lead.  That power starts with you and your choices.  Are you leading your own life or following the rules, path or suggestions from someone else?  There is nothing wrong with following the path, if it leads where you want to go.  The issue comes from following out of complacency, fear or doubt.  These are not usually the emotions that cause greatness.

Desire, courage and self-belief are the kindling that begin the fires of greatness.  We were all meant to be leaders of at least one person.  Lead yourself in the direction that you most desire to go.  Have the courage to take steps forward.  Believe in your ability to string enough of those steps together to succeed.  Perhaps when you’ve developed the leadership muscle enough, you’ll be ready to take on followers.  Just make sure that they are following you with intention.

Pete

Good song below!

 

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Mind the Gap

mindthegapIn the English subway system, there are both visual and auditory reminders to “Mind the Gap”.  This is a call for attention to the space between the platform and the train.  It is a helpful reminder but probably almost unnoticed by most local people.  However for the American tourist this is an out of the ordinary bit of speech.  “Mind” is rarely used as a verb in American English and “the gap” is a store or possibly brings thoughts of Michael Strahan.  Due to its unique wording and situational use, it tends to have sticking power with tourists.  It is helpful to “Mind the Gap”.  While it is a everyday practicality in the UK, it seems as though there is a gap issue in the USA.

The gap that I am referring to has nothing to do with the subway but rather the “gap” between you and your goals.  It is a space that many people do not want to acknowledge.  The gap represents all of the undesirable aspects of the goal: the work, the discipline, the sacrifice and persistence.  These are the bricks that form the path to the object of our desires.  Unfortunately the easy road is so seductive that you forego logic and buy the false lottery promises.  So you ignore the gap and sit on the couch to dream the impossible dream.  The only reason that the dream is impossible is that you never take enough action to get there.  All of that action happens in the gap.

Since the gap is a necessary part of eventual success, why not mind the gap or even better learn to love the gap!  It’s the place where you will be spending most of your time.  So why waste it by avoiding or hating it?  Take it as the place where you find out who you really are.  Anyone can sit on the thrown of triumph without effort.  It takes a totally different mentality to wear a medal that was buried under a mountain of muck.  So can you mind the gap?  It is a difficult task but your up to it.  Don’t get discouraged by the other people (even those who care about you) who are afraid of the gap and try to protect you from the gap.   They are invested in their own comfort, not your goal.  If you succeed, then they might have to mind the gap.  So take the step!  Start now because the gap isn’t going anywhere and right now, neither are you.  Your goal is not magnetic, you need to go to it.  Get in the gap!

Pete

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Living in the Echo or the Tidal Wave

tidal-waveThis morning on my run I had a glitch with my headphones.  Only part of the sound was coming through.  The guitars, bass and backing vocals all came through crystal clear while the drums and lead vocals were inaudible.  Occasionally the vocals could be heard but only as a kind of echo.  Each song that played was a muted version of what it normally is and those echoes were the only reminders of the lyrics of the normal song.  The only song that came through relatively clearly was “Jane Says” by Jane’s Addiction because it was from live recording rather than a chopped studio version.

As I ran, I thought about how we are always living in the present but we experience the past as a form of an echo.  The moment that we remember is long gone, much like the source voice to an echo.  However these echos shape much of what we think about ourselves.  Some of these memories are more than echos because they push us in particular directions, more like waves of water rather than sound.  If you’re anything like me, there are probably memories that act more like tidal waves that can crush you at a moment’s notice.  The question becomes why?  Why give something that much power?  The answer should be simple, only give that much power to constructive rather than destructive forces.

Since the past is gone and only represented in these echos, they should be used to serve and not to destroy.  It is possible to turn up the volume on those echos that can carry you forward and mute the ones that do not serve.  It comes down to a decision about focus.  Take the memories that will help you and make them a daily part of your.  Make them a tidal wave if it’s warranted.  If you don’t have any that will do that, make future memories, if your mind is inundated it cannot tell the difference.  The waves of your past can put you on the rocks!  Unless you use your rudder and your sails to get caught in the positive current.  The future should be a destination to behold not a rerun of the old.

Pete