It was January 2nd 2003. A clever little trick of mine to always remember the day that I proposed to my wife 1/2/03. As I waited in her apartment with dinner ready and candles lit, I was extremely nervous. That feeling was only compounded when she arrived. Then I started to ask and I could feel my legs shaking. This was gut-wrenching but necessary. The fear and the nerves came from risk. The risk of putting myself out there and the possibility that the answer could be “no”. It ended up going in my favor but I think that risk is an important factor to the things that really matter. You need to care enough to be willing to lose.
Perhaps it is part of being American or the popular culture of my youth but the idea of the underdog or long shot is ingrained within me. The Rocky movies were an unofficial soundtrack to my young life. The story of a nobody fighter who takes on the undefeated champion. He knows that he is going to lose before the fight even happens. That is the risk that the people who truly care must take. The men who signed the Declaration of Independence knew the risk of the pen strokes but chanced the loss of life for something greater. Elon Musk risked the wealth he had accrued in order to start a solar energy company, an electric car company and a space company. Each venture had very long odds. Those odds are not the ones taken on by a man looking to turn a quick profit. They are the risk of a man who cares about the change he wanted to make in the world. These are just three examples of caring enough to risk losing.
I’ve heard it too many times to count “What grade do I need to get on this quiz to bring my grade up to a __________?” The lack of the math skills from my young students is not the most troubling part. The most disheartening part of this question is the refusal to put forth any effort until a concrete exchange has been mentally negotiated. Effort will only be employed if the target seems reasonably attainable. This is not a statement about educational malaise or the disconnect between schools and our modern society. It is a reflection on a pervasive attitude toward loss. No one should fail. The ref or the coach cost us the game. The aversion to loss seems to be correlated to risk of losing one’s self. If I give my all and fail, then I am not worthy and that is too much to bear.
In a world where we are better insulated from death than ever before in history, it is the death of our image of ourselves that we seem to fear most. Much like the avatars that represent us online, we have created mental pictures of who we are. Most of us will defend that image regardless of its accuracy or usefulness. Playing within the boundaries of that existence may be comfortable but is the lack of risk truly safe? More than likely the risks that truly matter are worth taking because they force us to stretch. Reaching out into the void is not a failure if it is done with true intention. Failing to reach out is the bigger loss because the possibility of knowing yourself better and having what you actually wanted is left on the table. Don’t aim to lose but don’t only play if you know you’re going to win. All of the true joy on the back end lies in the fact that you risked yourself on the front end.
Put yourself on the line today!
Pete
Each week in fourth grade, we had a folder that contained all of our work. On Friday, if you had everything done, the word ‘Complete’ was written on your folder and you got to do some craft or game. If you didn’t have everything done, you received a note of ‘Incomplete’ and you needed to finish your work before getting any free time. In the entire school year, I think that I was ‘Complete’ only twice. It took me most of the year to finish my macrame owl due to my limited free time. I’m quite certain that I only passed fourth grade by the skin of my teeth. Perhaps I should have (or continue) to feel badly about my incomplete track record or tendency. The fact of the matter is that I don’t.
In this country and around the world Champions are lauded for their accomplishments. Usually the scene of victory is filled with a trophy to be kissed, confetti falling, champagne popping and players/fans rejoicing. The reason that this scene is so easy to recreate in one’s mind is that it is pervasive throughout sport. Depending on the particular sport, one could be even more specific about the scene. Regardless of which championship is won there is an invisible specter that is ever-present but has seemingly been forgotten by many who are watching. The fruits of the labor are on full display but the labor often gets overlooked. In a world where instant gratification is becoming more of the norm will we be seduced by the empty triumph of getting the small reward now or choose the labor that creates real results? The answer is that both will happen.
If you go to a fine restaurant and order a steak, you will probably enjoy a fine meal and receive no side-ward glances from anyone. The location and timing are everything. On some level you must realize that months earlier, that steak was part of cow. If you got dressed up, went out into the field and bit the cow’s ass, you’d definitely get a reaction especially from the cow. There’s a place and time for almost everything. Getting that combination right is the difference between being cheered and ridiculed. To a certain extent, Galileo was considered a “cow-biter”. The things that he was saying and doing were so far ahead of their time that no one understood them. He was even excommunicated from the church for his beliefs. People were not ready to hear what he was saying because they were too invested in their worldview.
The other night I had dinner with a former student/player of mine. We ran into each other a few months back. Our common love of books and podcasts started the conversation. He’s freshly out of college and we’ve been talking about life and career lately. This dinner was a eye opening conversation for me and I’m hoping that this post will help someone who may be in the same spot as my friend.
To a certain extent, I feel like I’m in therapy or at an AA meeting about to admit one of my biggest weaknesses but here it goes: I like a lot of Keanu Reeves’ movies. It really shouldn’t be that embarrassing because the man’s movies have made millions (maybe billions) over the years. Unfortunately he gets a bad rap because he’s pretty goofy and doesn’t have a lot of range. The interesting thing is that for the most part, this anti-Keanu sentiment comes from people who have never acted before and have paid to see his movies. So is it really that he is THAT bad? Or do people simply have a need to pick apart a mediocre swan because it’s easier than looking in the water to see an ugly duckling reflected back?
Each of us has a potential amount of fire power in a given year. If you think of your energy to finish projects as gunpowder, some of us have a barrel full and others could barely fill one of those Chinese novelty snap pellets. While knowing how much powder you have is helpful, it is also important to divvy it up intelligently. Even the barrel-full may not be sufficient if divided a thousand times and put into the wrong weapons. By contrast, an intelligently used pinch could be life-changing. So how much firepower do you really have and where are you going to use it?
At the end of this year will you be basking in the glory of your successful hunt? Or will you be left standing with your Red Ryder Carbine in denial that you’re full of hot (but compressed) air? That’s completely up to you and it starts right now. Pick out your targets, if you haven’t already. Write them down and decide how you will take them down. Although truly ‘How’ is very rarely the problem. It is usually getting the focus and commitment to the target that people fail to do. So write them down now!
Once you have your targets, then you can plan out how to systematically deal with each one. It’s a simple enough process once you commit to it. What you need to do is “fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that’s all she wrote!”
It’s a throwaway line from Star Wars: A New Hope. The purists will point out that the actual line is “This R2 Unit has a bad motivator!” but either way it is enough to stop the red droid in his tracks. At that point, it’s back in the sand crawler with the Jawas. There is something all too familiar about this situation. At times motivation seems like an illusive force that some people have the power to wield while others struggle to find it. There is nothing supernatural about it. The reason to do or not do something (don’t get me started on trying) is a mixture of chemicals that are released in our brains and the story that we tell ourselves. So if you’re not doing something that you want to (or know that you should), it’s because you’ve got a bad motivator.
Huryk Unlimited 