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The Perfect Prison

ShawshankThe Shawshank Redemption is one of my all time favorite movies.  Based on how often it is shown on TV, I’m not the only one.  SPOILER ALERT!  If somehow you’ve not seen this movie that was released in 1994 and don’t want it ruined, STOP READING!  (For those that are pressing on)  The movie and the book that it is based on recount the multiple decades of Andy Dufresne’s life in Shawshank State Penitentiary as the wrongly convicted murderer of his wife and her lover.  There are some differences between the movie and the book but mostly Andy is a methodically planning his escape through a tunnel in his cell wall.  He finally achieves his goal after years of slow chiseling and eventually crawling through a shit-filled pipe.  Shawshank was not meant to hold Andy Dufresne because he was free where it counted most, in his mind.

While most of us can’t imagine living Andy’s life in Shawshank, we can definitely imagine the way that we wish our life was.  We wish that things were easier, less busy, more money, fewer problems and more “perfect”.  The problem with the image of perfect is that it is a prison of its own.   That image exists in a completely fictitious world where things just fall into place magically.  While it may be a nice diversion, it is not anything resembling a game plan.

So if you want to break free from the prison of that perfect image and move to real freedom, you may need to follow the path of Andy Dufresne.  Chisel away at that dream that you have, possibly for years.  Take joy discarding the small pieces of rubble that you’ve chipped away from the wall in front of you.  Just be ready when you finally feel that you’ve broken through, there could still be 500 yards of shit for you to crawl through.  Expecting that type of a path will make your real journey to your dream life seem like a walk in the park!

Break out the rock hammer!Rock hammer

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

The Championship Photo

ChampionshipPhotoIn this country and around the world Champions are lauded for their accomplishments.  Usually the scene of victory is filled with a trophy to be kissed, confetti falling, champagne popping and players/fans rejoicing.  The reason that this scene is so easy to recreate in one’s mind is that it is pervasive throughout sport.  Depending on the particular sport, one could be even more specific about the scene.  Regardless of which championship is won there is an invisible specter that is ever-present but has seemingly been forgotten by many who are watching.  The fruits of the labor are on full display but the labor often gets overlooked.  In a world where instant gratification is becoming more of the norm will we be seduced by the empty triumph of getting the small reward now or choose the labor that creates real results?  The answer is that both will happen.

There will be many people who get swept up in the power of the “Now Economy”.  They will take the short term rewards and overlook some of the long term consequences.  It is not a surprising phenomena that people take the easier path.  On a biochemical level, our reward system is easily seduced by the immediate regardless of its hollowness.  It takes time and training to override this system.

The greatest of all time were able to train themselves to be long term greedy.  Rather than giving in to the temptation of the moment, they put in the work now in order to reap the benefits later.  Often that was months or even years later.  The prize at the end may have been what drove them but the process of attaining greatness is won daily.

Each of us has the power within to choose.  There probably won’t be a championship trophy at the end for most of us.  Our accomplishments won’t be on ESPN.  It will almost all happen on the inside.  The triumph will be over self and circumstance with only a few fans (friends and family) there to celebrate.  Will you be able to hold your head high based on what you have done?  Or will you be looking down at the path of shortcuts that you took to run yourself in circles?  You have the power to choose and you’re choosing right now.  Choose wisely!

Pete

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Your Part of You’re Problem

ObesityIt’s Mr. Baxter from 7th grade science class that started my tendency toward being a spelling/grammar Nazi.   Two times receiving a 99.5% based on spelling errors was enough frustration to get me to pay attention.  I fully recognize that language is a fluid and live thing.  Every day we can influence it for the better or worse.  Outside of church, very few people are using “thine” and “thou”.  These words have been morphed and replaced with their more recent counterparts.  Change is not my concern.  It is laziness and apathy.

Widespread education and technological advances have democratized access to knowledge and the overwhelming response of the public has been indifference.  There was a time in this country when only a select few could hope to become educated.  The huge supply of knowledge seems to have caused an equally huge plummet in demand.  While this lowering of expectation has happened in the realm of language, it is just as obvious in personal health, civic responsibility and many other areas of life.  As the challenges of life have become easier, we seem to be less inclined to meet them head on.  Instead we have found a degree of comfort in social proof.  If “everyone else” is holding a low standard, then it makes us feel that we are OK.

What if you were the one to hold the line for yourself?  Not to tell the world that it is wrong but to do what is right for yourself and those around you.  If you held the line on your health, your marriage, your relations with people or yourself; what kind of a ripple effect could you have on your family, community or even the world?  Even if no one else took up your particular cause, how would it feel to be the answer to your own problem?  Deciding for yourself, exactly what you would and would not stand for could be liberating.  Rather than looking at those around you to find the path of least resistance, you could look inward to find the strength to hack out a new trail.  Our world is filled with more possibility and less hardship than every before, so are you going to sit there and bask in the glow of what our forefathers built?  Or are you going to do your own work?  The choice is yours!  And that is probably the biggest kicker of all, we get to choose to step up or not.

So I hope that you find within yourself a desire for better than most.  Be a leader by doing first.  Utherwhys whee May knot bee aybl two reklame wut weave lust!

Make today better.

Pete

 

 

Blogpost, self-reliance

Biting the Cow’s Ass

GalileoIf you go to a fine restaurant and order a steak, you will probably enjoy a fine meal and receive no side-ward glances from anyone.  The location and timing are everything.  On some level you must realize that months earlier, that steak was part of cow.  If you got dressed up, went out into the field and bit the cow’s ass, you’d definitely get a reaction especially from the cow.  There’s a place and time for almost everything.  Getting that combination right is the difference between being cheered and ridiculed.  To a certain extent, Galileo was considered a “cow-biter”.  The things that he was saying and doing were so far ahead of their time that no one understood them.  He was even excommunicated from the church for his beliefs.  People were not ready to hear what he was saying because they were too invested in their worldview.

The entire world is never going to cheer or ridicule you but it feels that way when those close to you do either.  In order to become the best version of yourself, you will need to change some things.  While some may be subtle, others may be drastic and misunderstood by your “world” (friends, family, colleagues).  The people close to you are invested in who you are now.  That better version of you is something that they might not be ready for.  Your actions may force them to see things in themselves that they do not like.  That’s not your burden to bear.  It is your job to decide if you’re a cow-biter or Galileo.

Can you see a future that you want to create for yourself?  If you’re a true believer in that future, then don’t worry about the people who think you’re a cow-biter.  They are invested in your yesterday and you’re using today to build a better tomorrow.

Sink your teeth into today!

Pete

 

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Call Him Double Down

DoubleDownMike – “This is Trent. We call him Double Down.”

Trent. – “Stop right there!  Ladies, don’t you always double down on an 11?”

Lisa – “No matter what. Like splitting aces.”

It’s a smart play to double down on an 11 in Black Jack because your chances of hitting 21 are worth the extra gamble.  On the other hand, it’s foolish to double down on a losing hand.  In cards your chances are based on mathematical probability.  Playing the odds is the name of the game.  Avoid the slim odds!

In our lives, the game is not entirely mathematical.  Decisions are made for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with probability.  Emotion, prior programming and a host of other variables lead to the less than logical decisions that we humans make regularly.  For example I double down on mistakes.  It’s not something I do intentionally.  It happens less today than it did a few years ago but it happens.  Most of the improvement in this area is due to habits and pre-scripting.

Like doubling down on an 11, daily habits that have the greatest possibility of working are key.  Usually these habits are not hard to find.  You know what they are but in the moment people get overwhelmed by emotion and choose the easy/comfortable route.  The path to where you want to go is not hard to find, it’s just hard to follow.  The more times that you follow that path, the easier it becomes to stay on.

Actors can definitely ad-lib their lines but for the most part, they work from a script.  Pre-scripting particularly difficult actions in your mind can be an effective way to get past them with the best results.  Visualizing the event in advance puts you into a proactive state of mind rather than reactive.  It does not resolve the situation in advance but can reduce the amount that emotion carried to it.

So go out into the world and bet on yourself.  Double down on the things that lead you to the life that you want.  Don’t allow yourself to bet on lottery number odds with your life.  Getting what you want is not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of time if you set the game up right!

Pete (The guy behind the guy behind the guy!)

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Early Seinfeld

SeinfeldSeinfeld is one of my favorite TV shows of all time.  It has so many memorable episodes and characters.  Despite my love for the series, I’m not a huge fan of the early episodes.  Many of the episodes, I just don’t find funny at all or they feel forced.  This is not surprising in the slightest.  It took those early episodes in order to get to the later ones.  Early failures lead to better episodes later.  A few of the story-lines were even repeated with better effect the second time around.  The early episodes of Seinfeld were not a good indication of where the series was going.

JKRowlingDespite all of the examples of enduring early hardship, there is still a pervasive desire for instantaneous results.  People want to be hit right away, if not sooner.  The perception of overnight success is usually due to the glossing over of the hard work done before the big break.  Sylvester Stallone was a breakout start with Rocky!  After he was a starving actor who had to deny a big pay day in order to star in his own movie.  J.K. Rowling had the blockbuster Harry Potter book series followed by movies.  After she was on welfare and had her book rejected by many publishers.  Most of us are looking for the triumph without the trials.  It seems that it doesn’t usually work that way.

The road to success in anything will most likely be filled with potholes, detours and poorly constructed bridges.  The sports car or limo that you’ve imagined yourself arriving in will probably not make the trip.  In fact you’ll probably have to go most of the way on foot.  Are you willing to make that trip?  Or will you take the easy road to Nowhere Near Where You Want To Be?  It sounds like a town that many people live in while they dream about being someplace else.

Get on the road today!

Pete

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Check the Ingredients

IngredientsAt one point in my life, ketchup was not a condiment, it was an ingredient.  Ketchup sandwiches were a staple of my diet.  Any undesirable food such as broccoli could be made digestible with an ample serving of ketchup.  Obviously this is not an ideal system for a balanced diet.  It was more of a survival tactic for an extremely picky eater rather than a conscious decision about eating good food.  Eventually I learned that ketchup was not the answer to all of my food issues.  It wasn’t versatile enough to be an everyday ingredient.

When putting together the ingredients for a great day, it is easy to think of all of the garnishes and forget about the main ingredient.  If asked what are the ingredients to a great day, what would you say?  Sunshine, a beach, friends, family, food, and drink are all things that I typically hear.  People usually don’t lead off with the number one ingredient to every day of their life.  You are the only person that will be there every single moment of every single day of your life.  So shouldn’t you be the first and most important ingredient regardless of all of the garnishes.  No matter the other circumstances that surround you, you should be the ingredient that defines the dish.

JamesEarlJonesDespite the extremely broad reach that the internet gives us, people seem to feel as though they are at the effect of their circumstances.  If circumstances were what made people, then a frail asthmatic doesn’t become a president revered for his adventures.  A stutterer doesn’t become one of the most recognizable voices of his era.  And an actor with a partially paralyzed face doesn’t become the face of multiple film series.  The truth is that we all know that circumstances are only part of the recipe.  It is just easier to use poor circumstances as an excuse for poor results.  Or a lack of resources as a reason for no results.  You may not have everything you need to make today great but you have the most important thing and that is you.  You’re the ingredient that you’ve been waiting for!  If you’ll step up to the challenge and be what today needs.

Go be the best you today!

Pete

 

 

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Worst of the Best

KeanuTo a certain extent, I feel like I’m in therapy or at an AA meeting about to admit one of my biggest weaknesses but here it goes: I like a lot of Keanu Reeves’ movies.  It really shouldn’t be that embarrassing because the man’s movies have made millions (maybe billions) over the years.  Unfortunately he gets a bad rap because he’s pretty goofy and doesn’t have a lot of range.  The interesting thing is that for the most part, this anti-Keanu sentiment comes from people who have never acted before and have paid to see his movies.  So is it really that he is THAT bad?  Or do people simply have a need to pick apart a mediocre swan because it’s easier than looking in the water to see an ugly duckling reflected back?

While wading through all of the photos, videos, memes, tweets and posts, it is possible that some of us get a little judgmental.  It’s easy to forget when looking at a screen that the people on the other side are human.  They have hopes, fears, idiosyncrasies, habits and faults.  These are all things that we expect from the people that we are close to.  However when looking at people on social media or especially people in the spotlight, all understanding goes out the window.  The best of the best need to be as close to infallible as possible.  If they fall anywhere short of that standard, then we of the judging majority can swoop in to point out their shortcoming.

But it is not the critic who counts*.  The internet has given each of us a voice.  That voice should be used to make your own special contribution to the world.  Not to tear down that of another.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena*.  So take that chance to put your own stamp on the world.  Don’t worry about the haters because even Keanu has got them.  Would you rather be the worst of the best or the best of the worst?  Put another way.  Would you rather have produced something that wasn’t great?  Or never produced anything but gotten really good at calling out other people’s failures?  One’s easy and one’s hard but the decision should be obvious.

Go make something happen.  Let someone else do the criticizing.

Action!

Pete

*Lines from Teddy Roosevelt’s speech at the Sorbonne.

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Mind the Gap

mindthegapIn the English subway system, there are both visual and auditory reminders to “Mind the Gap”.  This is a call for attention to the space between the platform and the train.  It is a helpful reminder but probably almost unnoticed by most local people.  However for the American tourist this is an out of the ordinary bit of speech.  “Mind” is rarely used as a verb in American English and “the gap” is a store or possibly brings thoughts of Michael Strahan.  Due to its unique wording and situational use, it tends to have sticking power with tourists.  It is helpful to “Mind the Gap”.  While it is a everyday practicality in the UK, it seems as though there is a gap issue in the USA.

The gap that I am referring to has nothing to do with the subway but rather the “gap” between you and your goals.  It is a space that many people do not want to acknowledge.  The gap represents all of the undesirable aspects of the goal: the work, the discipline, the sacrifice and persistence.  These are the bricks that form the path to the object of our desires.  Unfortunately the easy road is so seductive that you forego logic and buy the false lottery promises.  So you ignore the gap and sit on the couch to dream the impossible dream.  The only reason that the dream is impossible is that you never take enough action to get there.  All of that action happens in the gap.

Since the gap is a necessary part of eventual success, why not mind the gap or even better learn to love the gap!  It’s the place where you will be spending most of your time.  So why waste it by avoiding or hating it?  Take it as the place where you find out who you really are.  Anyone can sit on the thrown of triumph without effort.  It takes a totally different mentality to wear a medal that was buried under a mountain of muck.  So can you mind the gap?  It is a difficult task but your up to it.  Don’t get discouraged by the other people (even those who care about you) who are afraid of the gap and try to protect you from the gap.   They are invested in their own comfort, not your goal.  If you succeed, then they might have to mind the gap.  So take the step!  Start now because the gap isn’t going anywhere and right now, neither are you.  Your goal is not magnetic, you need to go to it.  Get in the gap!

Pete

Blogpost

Might Never Get to Poland

polandFor the past six months or so, I’ve been learning Polish using a program called Duolingo.  It is a completely free online language learning tool.  I started using it to prove the point to my students that you can learn a foreign language by using such a tool.  When summer hit, I took a Polish hiatus but now I’m back on the train.  The funny thing is that I’m not sure that I’ll ever get to Poland.  It is the homeland of my ancestors and I love to travel but it is not a huge priority.  So then why bother to learn the language?  There is no foreseeable return on my daily investment of time and energy into this language.

Return on investment is an almost pervasive calculation in the modern world.  Kids and adults alike seem to be in a never-ending calculation of whether or not things are “worth their time or effort”.  This is not particularly the troubling thing.  Time is a nonrenewable resource.  So being conscious of how you are spending it just makes sense.  Energy is renewable but often feels like it is linked to the time.  As if the addition of energy to invested time multiplies it and can magnify any possible waste.  “I’m only applying if I know I’ll get the job.”  “I’m not going out for the team unless I’m on varsity.”  “I’m not going to ask her out, she might say ‘no’.”

The problem with this almost ruthless avoidance of wasted energy/time is that very few limits get pushed.  Possibility is viewed as a negative rather than a positive.  Life tends to shrink into a smaller and safer box that confines and disillusions us.  Investing in only sure things expends nothing extra.  It is a transaction of time and effort for a result.  In this type of mindset, there is no room to give true gifts.  People become hoarders because giving of themselves is too risky and scary.  In the end giving of one’s self is the best way to come to know yourself better.

The sure thing may be comforting but it is not progressive.  Putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone or spending ourselves in an uncertain endeavor are the places where we become a new version of ourselves.  Much like a software update, we have the possibility of becoming more but it requires some risk to the old version.  Perhaps I’m throwing away ten minutes per day by learning Polish.  Or maybe risking that small amount of time each day will take me somewhere that I never would have imagined.  In my eyes, I win either way because of who I’ve become; a person willing to move forward.  Where you are is most likely not where you want to be forever.  The opportunity is there for you to move forward but you have to risk the time and energy of the step.  It’s time to step up!

A funny little reminder

Pete