Blogpost, self-reliance

Haggling: An Underdeveloped American Skill

Pete Huryk

During my trip to Ecuador in college, I had the opportunity to visit Otavalo Market. It’s a relatively famous market where the indigenous people of the region come to sell their wares. Many of my experiences in Ecuador were memorable and this was just one of them. Early on during our time in Otavalo, I saw a blanket that I wanted to buy. My friend asked me, how much I was willing to spend on it? I said around 60,000 sucre ($1=1,700 sucre). When I inquired about the price, the woman said “Sesenta mil” which was exactly what I wanted to spend. I commented back that it was very expensive. She instantly dropped the price to 45,000 sucre. After delaying for a moment, I thanked her and walked away. I knew that I would be back but I didn’t want to carry the blanket for the next few hours and walking away was bound to drop the price some more. After eating lunch and walking around a bit more, I returned to the woman’s stand again. She remembered me and offered the blanket for 40,000 sucre. In the end I bought the blanket for 36,000 sucre (just over $20 compared to the $35 that I had originally had in mind).

None of these are the actual blanket. This photo was taken in Salasacas. I’ll post a photo of the real blanket at some point.

The skill of haggling is not one that is largely applicable in modern American culture. Prices in stores are usually fixed and people wait for a sale to get that reduced price. I learned how to haggle at flea markets when I was a kid. It’s not an overly complex skill. Mainly it is a balancing act between the seller and the buyer assessing each other and the value exchange. It’s completely possible that the woman in Otavalo was happy to get the 36,000. The 60,000 was an ideal number that she would love to get but didn’t hold out much hope for it. I’m sure that there was a number that she would not have gone below but we never got there. Haggling on either side of the equation takes a bit of self-knowledge. Understanding your minimums and maximums while gauging the other person and the value exchange. This is why I believe that it is a valuable to skill to at least encounter, if not develop.

In a fixed price world, the customer can often feel powerless. Their options are binary: buy or don’t buy. The world of haggling represents a much more accurate picture of two important aspects of life: exchange and relationship. We have become far too comfortable with the idea that other people determine the value of most things. The self-agency that haggling requires is not the “end all be all” of human existence but it gives practice to that thought process. Recognizing that each of us has value to offer and that walking away is sometimes the right move are both lessons that haggling teaches. The reason that I’ve continued to use haggle rather than negotiate is that same idea of personal separation. Negotiating is done in board rooms, at conference tables and in skyscrapers. Haggling is done at flea markets by 10 year old kids. It’s accessible to anyone regardless of education, standing in the community or lineage.

At this point, I’ve gone an awfully long way to “sell” you on an idea. The next step is for you to determine your own value and the value of others. As a buyer and a seller, you need to decide your worth. Don’t let people devalue who you are. This is not particularly a monetary thing. It goes for any exchange that you might have with someone. Do each of you value the exchange at the same level? If not, perhaps it is time to walk away. You have something to offer. Don’t devalue yourself because of past transactions. The past does not equal the future. Get what you’re worth and don’t overspend your attention, emotion or money on the meaningless and frivolous (even if everyone is buying them). Develop your haggle muscle because the price you pay in most things is really up to you.

Going once, twice, SOLD!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Careless and Reckless

Pete Huryk

“I got the ball!” is the exclamation of many players after they’ve been called for a foul. This phrase represents a separation between the actual Laws of the Game and the common misconceptions about what they say. Nowhere in the laws does it say that a player’s contact with the ball makes something a foul or not. It does however refer to careless and reckless behavior. That is the standard by which a referee must determine a foul, not contact with the ball.

This type of misconception is not exclusive to fouls in soccer. It is represented in a variety of other areas where we should really know better but we try to justify our careless and reckless behavior with a qualifier. “He hit me first!” “I don’t usually do this type of thing.” “My parents used to….. so I can.” “It’s not against the law.” “No one is watching.” If we were to truly look at our actions with an objective eye, we can see the folly. However we stack up these “got ball” excuses to make it easier to exist as a lesser version of ourselves. We don’t want to admit that life is going to demand a higher standard than makes us comfortable. It’s easier to fall to the level of what “everyone else” is doing.

This is not a finger wagging session from a pedestal of superiority. Quite the opposite! It’s an admission of my lower self in soccer and life. Telling the players on my TV to “just get in the box!” in the hopes of a soft penalty. All of the other areas of my life where I’ve not held myself to that higher standard because it was inconvenient, time consuming or I just didn’t want to! We’ve all been careless or reckless at one point or another. Now we have another chance to decide if we will continue or not. The game is not over! You’re probably not even at halftime yet. Make a change in order to play a better game. I need to as well.

Game on!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

IKEA Is No Longer the Idea

Pete Huryk

There was a point in my life where I owned a decent amount of furniture from IKEA. It just made so much sense at the time. Every piece was cheap, easy to put together and impermanent. I didn’t love my IKEA furniture. It was functional and I’m glad that it was there for that time of my life. At this point, all of those items have been left behind or discarded. They fulfilled their purpose and now I’ve moved on.

So many parts of our lives have begun looking like IKEA furniture. Either we have opted for them because of their simplicity or their disposability. While these are qualities that may be attractive in some areas, the IKEA mindset seems to have crept into places where it probably shouldn’t be. Areas like education, fitness, relationships and mental health often fall prey to this (lack of) thought process. Short term solutions are implemented while long term consequences are ignored or at best given lip-service. Divorce is the norm of marriages. Education is not about learning but about grades. Fitness is not about being healthy and feeling good, it’s arbitrary metrics like steps. Mental health is not about having control of a strong mind, it’s about existing in a safe space and removing obstacles.

These are oversimplifications of course. However they bring into focus the fact that we might be valuing the wrong things. IKEA is great for an answer to a certain type of furniture problem. Just like these answers to life’s problems work in specific circumstances. Unfortunately herd mentality and general malaise have brought us to the point where they are almost ubiquitous.

So if you’re in the market for solutions, the convenient answer may not be the one that will yield the best results. Shop around a bit! Consider the problem that you’re trying to solve and your unique circumstances. It will surely take more time and effort than the simple solution but it may yield better results.

Shop around!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

The Formation of Your Life

Pete Huryk

Formations in soccer are popular solution to game time problems. Often one formation or another is viewed as a cure-all but in reality, they are mainly aimed at defining responsibility. Soccer is such a fluid game that very rarely after the first whistle will the alignment of players look like a 4-3-3 or 4-2-3-1. The positions morph to respond to the moment. It is completely possible in a moment of crisis that all eleven players could be called upon to defend in their own box. We don’t call that a 1-10 because generally those players responding to the crisis have a role that is at least partially defined by their position in the formation. If you never told a striker that they were playing that position, it’s conceivable that they spend all of their time defending in their own box.

One of the many jobs that a coach has is to align the team in a fashion that will lead to success. Perhaps that will mean crawling into a defensive shell, initiating an all out attack or finding a balance. Each of us must do the same thing within our own lives. Decide on a strategy that moves us toward our goals and protects against conceding our self-esteem. And the people that surround us are also part of that equation. Some are on our team while others are opponents to our cause. Putting the right people into positions that will help move you forward and protect you as well is important. Obviously I can’t do this for you but the suggestions below may help you begin to decide if people are in the right positions or not.

Your goalkeeper: This should be someone who will defend you with everything that they have. Depending on your station in life, this may be your parents or spouse. I wouldn’t normally put a best friend in this position. The reason why is that you don’t usually want your last line of defense to also be constantly helping to move you forward as well. However this is your team. You may do as you see fit.

Your backs: Similar to the goalkeeper, these people are interested mostly in your protection. The difference is that they are also part of your progress forward. Family, friends and possibly selected colleagues who truly have your back. There’s no perfect number to delineate their responsibility but 75% defense and 25% attack would be reasonable. So these people are invested in your protection more than your progress forward, REMEMBER THIS!!! It becomes important later.

Your midfield: These are people who are half protection and half defense. Again, friends and family are the most likely to make up this group. However there are plenty of sections to your life that may produce people to help in this area. Work colleagues may be helping to push you forward, possibly even a boss who sees potential in you. Personally in the past, significant others were almost always a catalyst for improvement, either personally or professionally.

Your forwards: This is the group that is most likely to help you to achieve (score) your goals. This may be the most diverse group. It is possible that you don’t even need to know these people. Inspiration to get you close to your goals can come from anywhere: books, podcasts, videos, speaking events. However the people that we’ve mentioned before could also play this role. It all comes down to who it is best equipped to help you in this area.

Your formation: Depending on where you are in your life, you may be playing defensive or offensive. It may also be a different strategy depending on the portion of your life that you’re considering. Regardless, it’s worth considering the roles of each person. Some people may need to be put on the bench. Others may need to become more important players. Remember that your team isn’t the only one that is playing. You can have direct or indirect opponents. Some will show up in places that you wouldn’t expect.

Opponents: These are the people who are looking to take shots at your self-esteem or just thwart you from achieving your goals. They might be “enemies” but more often than not they are people that you probably thought of as we worked through your teammate list. Remember the people who were 75% protection. Although they have your best interest in mind, they may be trying to protect you from going beyond their comfort zone and not yours. It’s worth considering the fact that the line between teammate and opponent could get pretty blurry at times. The most difficult opponent to get past is usually yourself. You know your fears and weaknesses. So it easy for you to stand in your own way at times.

As the coach of your life, it is up to you to get the right people in the right positions on your team. It’s also your job to read the opponent and change the game plan to get around them. None of this is easy! Especially when we’re not talking about getting a ball into a net but rather our lives. Regardless of whether it is easy or not, it’s necessary. Surrounding yourself with the right people and having them serve the right roles in your life is important. Only you can make those decisions though. Find your formation but don’t fall in love with it. It needs to be adjusted when necessary.

Go team!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Monday Morning Center Back

Pete Huryk

As a player, I slowly moved from the front to the back in terms of position. Originally I was a forward or wing (playing in a 2-3-5). As a player in men’s leagues, I was usually center back. If I weren’t horrible at it, I probably would have ended up in the net at some point. This progression was not surprising. When I was young, I was pretty fast but eventually my most prominent skill was my ability to talk. Center backs and goalkeepers have some of the best views of the field. Therefore it is their job to help organize everyone in front of them. A perfect use for my big mouth! If it weren’t for my height, I probably always should have been playing in the back because it fits with my personal ethos to help people.

Recently I had been thinking about all of the overlaps that find and point out between soccer and life. My intention behind this exercise is always to help the people in front of me (literally or virtually). Despite the fact that it is a transformed version of a negative American Football term, I’d like to use it as a positive. I’d like to be a “Monday Morning Center Back.” Rather than someone who second guesses your mistakes after you’ve made them. The point would be to help people to be ready for the week going forward.

Monday has gotten a bad rap because people are living for the weekend. Generally they want to “survive” 5 out of the 7 days of the week. I get it! But it’s also a pretty big waste of time. Finding the joy in the mundane is a skill that needs to be developed. Otherwise the source of our joy is dependent on circumstances beyond our control. During my time as a garbage man, I developed this skill out of necessity. Eight hours in the heat of the summer, throwing trash into the truck while smelling horrible and encountering maggots and other fun things. I had so much fun! Literally, I found a variety of different ways to enjoy the job and the time. The first time that I conceived of writing a book was on that truck and I “wrote” much of it inside my head during that time. So whatever you’re doing on a regular basis, it is probably not maggot infested. Make the best of it because this time is all that you get. Don’t give away 5 out of your 7 days without a fight.

Now that I have the concept inside of my head, be on the lookout for more Monday Morning Center Back ideas. I’m here to help and I’ll try blogging, videos, podcasts in order to see what sticks. Have a great week! Yes I realize that it’s Wednesday but hey, nobody’s perfect!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Nothing Guarantee

Pete Huryk

At the turning point in the movie “Tommy Boy,” Chris Farley’s character offers to take a dump in a box and mark it “GUARANTEED.” It is part of a sales pitch to undermine his customer’s confidence in other products that offer a guarantee. After that, he gets on a sales hot streak, saves the company, gets the girl and impales Rob Lowe’s nuts. Cinematic gold! Despite my love for the movie, my focus is really on the concept of a guarantee or actually the inverse of that, the “Nothing Guarantee.”

As a teacher especially, I see the effort to reward analysis happen constantly. From time to time, it is overtly questioned. “What do I need to get on the next test in order to bring my grade to an ‘A’?” The math isn’t that hard and the effort in extra study to achieve that feat isn’t either. However the calculating still happens in the student’s brain. “How much effort do I need to exert for the promise/guarantee of what I want?” My suggestion is that this calculation is occurring in the heads of far too many people and it’s almost dangerous.

In a world where we can measure almost anything, we have begun to do so and rely upon measurement. The problem is that many of the endeavors that are truly worth our effort and attention cannot be measured and have no guarantees. People, who start businesses, families, cultural movements and the like, often have no idea how much work is going to be necessary to make it a success. The success is also not guaranteed and that’s the point! The reason that something is worth pursuing is because it’s not a guarantee. If we knew for certain that it was going to work, then anyone could do it.

So as you are reading this, I’m asking you to embrace the idea of the “Nothing Guarantee.” The concept that you are willing to put effort into things that might not work but you are willing to give it a go. My suggestion would be that regardless of the success or perceived failure of the situation that you’ll be happier with the version of you that is created. However I need to be fully transparent that even that is not guaranteed. Farmers have to plant more than they need in order to compensate for some of those seeds not maturing. The same needs to go for you. You’re probably going to need to put in more effort than you think to get that result but do it! So that when you make that team, achieve that goal or become that better version of yourself, you have a story to tell more than “I knew it would work.”

Throw away that guaranteed crap in a box and scale that mountain!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Kickball Rules

Pete Huryk

In my neighborhood as a child, kickball was the game that we played most often. I lived near the local middle school and the blacktopped area behind the school was our regular play area. The beautiful thing about that time of my life and in our history was that there was almost no adult supervision. Our parents knew where we were but they were not watching us directly nor directing our activity. The organization, rules, procedures and culture was completely up to us. It usually started with knocking on doors to assemble enough players. Team selection was usually done by captains but almost never the same ones. Our preferred game ball was an old volleyball but we tried a soccer ball and even a basketball once. House rules said that two fouls was an out. Pitches couldn’t bounce and littler kids got a slow roll. The rules themselves are not what matters because we probably inherited them from a gym class or somewhere else. What does matter is that we had to decide regularly. We had to consider a number of variables as a group of young kids and figure out how to make it work so that everyone would want to play again tomorrow.

Despite the fact that kickball still exists and kids play it, my sense is that the autonomy and decision making are gone. A quick YouTube search produced at least five videos on the rules of kickball. There are a lot of positives to having that amount of access to desirable information. However a negative consequence that comes along with it is deniability when it comes to responsibility for decisions. If people are not used to making up the rules, they struggle when a new situation arises.

Each of us is playing our own game. It’s nowhere near as simple as kickball and we have to come up with the rules. There are definitely common practices out there that may inform our game. However the decisions are ultimately up to us. Do we greet people that we dislike? Do we work hard on something that no one will ever see? Do we prefer to play on our own or in groups? These are all things that we must answer for ourselves. It’s completely possible to defer all decisions to other people like your parents, teachers, bosses, friends, etc. Eventually though, you’ll most likely end up playing a game that you dislike.

So perhaps it’s worth considering. What game are you playing and what are your house rules? You don’t need to keep score like everyone else unless you want the same results. Your boundaries may not be the same. The game that you’re playing may be unrecognizable to others and that’s alright. This world can be a playground or a prison based on these decisions. Some people who have all of the freedoms in the world feel trapped. While others who seemingly have every disadvantage find a way to win on a daily basis. It’s not about the external factors. The game that they’ve organized for themselves is one that they’re set up to lose or win internally.

Set yourself up to win!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You Are Here

Pete Huryk

They are really quite useful! Maps with that drawing or sticker that tell you exactly where you are on the map. It gives you a frame of reference for your future movement. Whether in a shopping mall, amusement park or any other area with twists and turns, this added feature to a helpful guide to the territory can be invaluable.

In the real world though, there is rarely an indicator of this sort. Sure we generally know where we are geographically but in a larger context, we’re often lost! There are traditions and conventions that we may follow. Paths that others have trodden which gives us some assurance of success. However it’s not the precision of a map with our exact location of the moment spelled out for us.

At the moment, I have no idea if this is the blogpost that will skyrocket me to stardom. I don’t even know if that is on the map nor if that would get me closer to my goal of helping people. Since there is no map, it’s even more important to have a compass. Something that helps you know if you’re heading in the right direction. Do you have yours? If not, it’s worth developing or considering. Getting lost is part of most journeys but losing yourself shouldn’t be. Define for yourself the direction that you’re heading so that when you reach obstacles, you understand why you must get past them.

There will probably not be a convenient map for you to follow through your life. Life is rarely set up for your convenience. However if you set yourself up with the right tools for keeping you on track, you won’t even need the sticker because you’ll know “You are here!”

Find yourself today!

Pete

Blogpost, posh

Player Value: Creating POSH Out of Potential

Pete Huryk

As the Euros are on at the moment, there is plenty of buzz around different players. The value of a player can go up or down massively during a tournament like this. Some stars are born out of these circumstances and others that have shown bright in the past fade. Gareth Bale used to be worth nearly 100 million pounds. Now his market value is around 19 million. Is he one fifth the player that he used to be? Probably not, his chipping has definitely improved! Haha! But seriously, a player’s value is not a fixed thing, nor is it ever completely accurate. It is based on many perceived factors including consistency and potential. No one can see what tomorrow will bring but those who guess right consistently enough, create value for their clubs.

Aaron Mclean (jumping) congratulates Craig Mackail-Smith after he scored the winning goal for Peterborough during the FA Cup First Round game between AFC Hornchurch and Peterborough United at Bridge Avenue on Sun Nov 9, 2008

Luckily for the past decade and a half, the POSH have had a relatively consistent combination of a gambler and a teacher who have maximized player value. This season that value is no longer going to help finance the club’s future young starlets. It is going to pay the rent for a year in the Championship. While the POSH haven’t done any transfer business yet this summer, the core of their promotion winning side is intact. This side’s fate will depend largely on the “dynamic duo” of DMac and Fergie to do what they have for so many years, see value where others don’t and improve it.

Although it’s easy say after the fact, that Boyd, Gayle, and Toney were “destined” to be great, no one can ever truly say. The order of the moment is to believe. Consistently through the years, the DMac/Fergie combination have delivered results. Although the Championship is a different level, lessons have been learned and the course is clear. There is nothing magical about the Championship. No one has a divine right to play there but there are teams that it’s almost a given that they are going to stay up. The bookies know who they are, that’s how they set the odds. However they have made a slight error in setting the POSH at 15/8 to get relegated. They are discounting the gambler and the teacher. The track record of turning potential into POSH should not be overlooked. Perhaps it’s for the best though. Long odds can create strong mentality of belief in teams and individuals. Us against the world is an idea that can be sold because people who are undervalued have something to prove. This season is all about the things that POSH does well. Finding diamonds in the rough and getting them to shine for all to see. Patience.

Up the POSH!

Pete

Uncategorized

The Size of Your Cell

Pete Huryk

Today the family and I visited Alcatraz Island. Despite the very moving exhibit about the Native American occupation of the island, our main purpose for the visit was the prison. This was my second visit to “The Rock” but it was my children’s first. It’s easy to forget how small the cells are and the solitary life that must have been led by the prisoners. Surely their past actions put them into that position. However can’t that be said about all of us? The size of the cells in Alcatraz was 5 feet by 9 feet. How big is the cell that confines each of us? Are we only confined by the limits of our imaginations? Or is the size of our cell around 3 inches by 6 inches?

It easy and enticing to believe that we’re not confined by anything. The optimist inside of me would love to believe that we are all limitless, no bars, no guards, no walls to keep us in. Largely that could be true if it weren’t for us. We confine ourselves, punish ourselves and obstruct ourselves. The prison around us is man made but the man or (wo)man who made it, is also the prisoner. This knowledge is important but not liberating. It can help us to see past the bars and wall but escape is not particularly any simpler. Depending on how old you are, those impediments seem as real as the stone and steel of Alcatraz.

There is still debate about whether or not anyone ever escaped from Alcatraz. There is no debate that people escape their self-made prisons every day. The question is how far they get and whether or not they lock themselves back up in the same cell with the same number. It’s possible for you to make it! You don’t need to use a spoon from the commissary to tunnel through concrete. The escape plan needs to center around you and the amount of freedom that you’ll allow yourself to believe in. No one is stopping you! Unlock the cell and walk out! Freedom awaits but you need to believe.

Let’s go!

Pete