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Other People’s Crap

dumbanddumberLiving with a teenage boy can be disgusting.  Having grown up in a house with three brothers, any one of us had the ability to make everyone else leave the house based on a bodily function.  We were delighted by our own disgusting-ness.  Since the offensive odor belonged to us, we were almost immune to it.  Eventually we all turned into civilized human beings but I’m sure there was some real doubt from my mother for a while.  I’m sure that most mothers occasionally envision their sons growing up to be lifelong bachelors.  Not by choice but by necessity.  Her grownup boy would be alone in a one bedroom apartment playing video games, farting and giggling.  He would be completely nose-blind to his effect on others.  Luckily most boys figure out their effect on others and keep their crap to themselves.

The things about other people’s actual crap is that we generally don’t have to deal with it.  It’s a private thing that they must take care of.  However when it comes to their figurative crap, it’s easy for you to see what they should do with it.  Think of it now.  All of the brilliant things that you’ve thought up for other people.  It’s a pretty pervasive thing.  I’ve worked as a garbage man where my coworkers had “great ideas” for the government, the boss, that CEO or the president.  The crap is so much easier when it’s not yours.

So maybe it’s time that you write down the solutions to that other person’s crap.  Write a nice little letter or email to Jane or John Doe.  Sending the message will be easy because their address (physical or email) is the same as yours.  You’ll be intimately aware of all of their issues because they’re the same as yours.  The letter is your chance to be separate from the issues and come from the outside perspective.  What would you tell a friend, colleague or loved one to do with your situation?  You’d know how to help them wouldn’t you?  Sit down, take the time to actually write out one problem and one solution.  DON’T FIX EVERYTHING AT ONCE!  Just one.  Start small.  There will be more crap tomorrow.  It’s not going anywhere until you do something about it.  Because other than your mom, no one’s cleaning up after you.

Get sponge and bucket!

Pete

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The Perfect Prison

ShawshankThe Shawshank Redemption is one of my all time favorite movies.  Based on how often it is shown on TV, I’m not the only one.  SPOILER ALERT!  If somehow you’ve not seen this movie that was released in 1994 and don’t want it ruined, STOP READING!  (For those that are pressing on)  The movie and the book that it is based on recount the multiple decades of Andy Dufresne’s life in Shawshank State Penitentiary as the wrongly convicted murderer of his wife and her lover.  There are some differences between the movie and the book but mostly Andy is a methodically planning his escape through a tunnel in his cell wall.  He finally achieves his goal after years of slow chiseling and eventually crawling through a shit-filled pipe.  Shawshank was not meant to hold Andy Dufresne because he was free where it counted most, in his mind.

While most of us can’t imagine living Andy’s life in Shawshank, we can definitely imagine the way that we wish our life was.  We wish that things were easier, less busy, more money, fewer problems and more “perfect”.  The problem with the image of perfect is that it is a prison of its own.   That image exists in a completely fictitious world where things just fall into place magically.  While it may be a nice diversion, it is not anything resembling a game plan.

So if you want to break free from the prison of that perfect image and move to real freedom, you may need to follow the path of Andy Dufresne.  Chisel away at that dream that you have, possibly for years.  Take joy discarding the small pieces of rubble that you’ve chipped away from the wall in front of you.  Just be ready when you finally feel that you’ve broken through, there could still be 500 yards of shit for you to crawl through.  Expecting that type of a path will make your real journey to your dream life seem like a walk in the park!

Break out the rock hammer!Rock hammer

Pete

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Manufacturing the Rolling Stones

Rolling stonesThe Rolling Stones are iconic and endured long past most of their contemporaries.  That type of longevity mixed with commercial success is worth noting and aspiring to but not manufacturing.  Trying to manufacture the Rolling is not only impossible, it feels foolish to suggest trying.  Despite this realization in the folly of trying to manufacture the next Rolling Stones, people seem obsessed with being the next Uber, AirBnB, Amazon or Lebron.  Either individually or organizationally at certain point, we all must break away from the icons that we adore in order to stand in our own right.

Twentyone pilotsFor the moment, my daughter is listening to Twenty One Pilots.  I’ve enjoyed their music because much like the Rolling Stones, they have their own style.  It has been a long time since a musical group has not sounded like some derivative of a style or past performer.  It’s possible that I missed who they are copying but for now I’ll stay impressed.

The mixture of uncertainty and pervasive broadcasting of “success” through social media leads to a desire to impersonate.   Trying to emulate the airbrushed life of a quasi-celebrity is an exercise in futility and disappointment.  Regardless of the person, what you see is not 100% of who they are.  It is the public version or the highlighted reel.  Holding yourself to that standard will end in failure.

So hold yourself to your own standard!  Can you be influenced by others?  Absolutely!  Borrow, experiment and test but in the end your product is going to need a huge helping of YOU at its core.  Keeping that in mind from the outset will allow you to be a much happier version of yourself.  Comparison can be a killer because you know everything about only one person in the comparison, you.  You know every thought, fear, desire and screw up.  No matter who you’re comparing yourself to, you’ll never know all of that.  So you’ll either be too hard on them or yourself and usually it’s the latter.

So go out there and be you today.  Wear your flaws and shortcomings like they’re some of your best accessories because in all honesty, THEY ARE!  Just imagine, there is probably someone out there who would love to be you and the message to them is the same.  They can’t be.  So go be yourself.

Have a great Monday!

Pete

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Your Part of You’re Problem

ObesityIt’s Mr. Baxter from 7th grade science class that started my tendency toward being a spelling/grammar Nazi.   Two times receiving a 99.5% based on spelling errors was enough frustration to get me to pay attention.  I fully recognize that language is a fluid and live thing.  Every day we can influence it for the better or worse.  Outside of church, very few people are using “thine” and “thou”.  These words have been morphed and replaced with their more recent counterparts.  Change is not my concern.  It is laziness and apathy.

Widespread education and technological advances have democratized access to knowledge and the overwhelming response of the public has been indifference.  There was a time in this country when only a select few could hope to become educated.  The huge supply of knowledge seems to have caused an equally huge plummet in demand.  While this lowering of expectation has happened in the realm of language, it is just as obvious in personal health, civic responsibility and many other areas of life.  As the challenges of life have become easier, we seem to be less inclined to meet them head on.  Instead we have found a degree of comfort in social proof.  If “everyone else” is holding a low standard, then it makes us feel that we are OK.

What if you were the one to hold the line for yourself?  Not to tell the world that it is wrong but to do what is right for yourself and those around you.  If you held the line on your health, your marriage, your relations with people or yourself; what kind of a ripple effect could you have on your family, community or even the world?  Even if no one else took up your particular cause, how would it feel to be the answer to your own problem?  Deciding for yourself, exactly what you would and would not stand for could be liberating.  Rather than looking at those around you to find the path of least resistance, you could look inward to find the strength to hack out a new trail.  Our world is filled with more possibility and less hardship than every before, so are you going to sit there and bask in the glow of what our forefathers built?  Or are you going to do your own work?  The choice is yours!  And that is probably the biggest kicker of all, we get to choose to step up or not.

So I hope that you find within yourself a desire for better than most.  Be a leader by doing first.  Utherwhys whee May knot bee aybl two reklame wut weave lust!

Make today better.

Pete

 

 

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Call Him Double Down

DoubleDownMike – “This is Trent. We call him Double Down.”

Trent. – “Stop right there!  Ladies, don’t you always double down on an 11?”

Lisa – “No matter what. Like splitting aces.”

It’s a smart play to double down on an 11 in Black Jack because your chances of hitting 21 are worth the extra gamble.  On the other hand, it’s foolish to double down on a losing hand.  In cards your chances are based on mathematical probability.  Playing the odds is the name of the game.  Avoid the slim odds!

In our lives, the game is not entirely mathematical.  Decisions are made for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with probability.  Emotion, prior programming and a host of other variables lead to the less than logical decisions that we humans make regularly.  For example I double down on mistakes.  It’s not something I do intentionally.  It happens less today than it did a few years ago but it happens.  Most of the improvement in this area is due to habits and pre-scripting.

Like doubling down on an 11, daily habits that have the greatest possibility of working are key.  Usually these habits are not hard to find.  You know what they are but in the moment people get overwhelmed by emotion and choose the easy/comfortable route.  The path to where you want to go is not hard to find, it’s just hard to follow.  The more times that you follow that path, the easier it becomes to stay on.

Actors can definitely ad-lib their lines but for the most part, they work from a script.  Pre-scripting particularly difficult actions in your mind can be an effective way to get past them with the best results.  Visualizing the event in advance puts you into a proactive state of mind rather than reactive.  It does not resolve the situation in advance but can reduce the amount that emotion carried to it.

So go out into the world and bet on yourself.  Double down on the things that lead you to the life that you want.  Don’t allow yourself to bet on lottery number odds with your life.  Getting what you want is not a matter of luck, it’s a matter of time if you set the game up right!

Pete (The guy behind the guy behind the guy!)

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Early Seinfeld

SeinfeldSeinfeld is one of my favorite TV shows of all time.  It has so many memorable episodes and characters.  Despite my love for the series, I’m not a huge fan of the early episodes.  Many of the episodes, I just don’t find funny at all or they feel forced.  This is not surprising in the slightest.  It took those early episodes in order to get to the later ones.  Early failures lead to better episodes later.  A few of the story-lines were even repeated with better effect the second time around.  The early episodes of Seinfeld were not a good indication of where the series was going.

JKRowlingDespite all of the examples of enduring early hardship, there is still a pervasive desire for instantaneous results.  People want to be hit right away, if not sooner.  The perception of overnight success is usually due to the glossing over of the hard work done before the big break.  Sylvester Stallone was a breakout start with Rocky!  After he was a starving actor who had to deny a big pay day in order to star in his own movie.  J.K. Rowling had the blockbuster Harry Potter book series followed by movies.  After she was on welfare and had her book rejected by many publishers.  Most of us are looking for the triumph without the trials.  It seems that it doesn’t usually work that way.

The road to success in anything will most likely be filled with potholes, detours and poorly constructed bridges.  The sports car or limo that you’ve imagined yourself arriving in will probably not make the trip.  In fact you’ll probably have to go most of the way on foot.  Are you willing to make that trip?  Or will you take the easy road to Nowhere Near Where You Want To Be?  It sounds like a town that many people live in while they dream about being someplace else.

Get on the road today!

Pete

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Bock-rottom

bockrottomAbout a year ago, I was having a discussion with a friend and she said she had hit “bock-rottom”.  It was a moment of mental dyslexia.  I really liked the word but wasn’t sure what it should mean.  This morning on my run it became obvious what bock-rottom was.  Rock-bottom is the place lowest point that a person can hit.  “Hitting bock-rottom” is the act of hitting your lowest point, bouncing up and hitting the lowest point again.  It is so disorienting that it mixes up the letters.

Negative circumstances can be so discouraging that they thwart positive action.  Even worse is the discouragement of getting up from poor circumstances only to be knocked down again.  Look at that word again “discourage”.  Break it apart “dis-courage”.  The situation has taken away courage.  The thing is that courage is not created by circumstance, courage is created by people, INSIDE.  It is a choice to be courageous and one that can be made at any time.  Even in the worst of circumstances, courage is possible but are you really at bock-rottom?

If you’re reading this blog, chances are that you’re not at bock-rottom.  You’re most likely in the “pit of perception”.  You’ve made the hole that you’re in seem deeper inside your head.  Or you have a negative situation but you’re ignoring all of the positives that are working in your favor.  If you’re reading this, you have advantages that you’re probably ignoring because you’re focused on how bad it is.  You can read, you have internet access, you probably live in the US (but a shout out to my friends in India & Brazil), you have a mind that is searching for answers.  These are all advantages that can be used as weapons in the battle with your poor circumstances.  Complaining, whining and sulking are not going to help you.  Depression is not a strategy!  It’s an emotional state.  Just like a hole, you can climb out of it.

So take a moment to see where you are, since most of us are not truly at bock-rottom.  We’re in a bad spot that we need to get out of.  The fight is yours to make.  Is there any value in giving up?  Don’t surrender to circumstances.  Make your circumstances!  Here’s the theatrical version!

Make today a better day!

Pete

 

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Your Life in Sexual Terms (Uncomfortable content, you’ve been warned!)

strawberryIt’s a longstanding phrase in advertising, “Sex Sells!”  It sells things that have nothing to do with it whatsoever.  Sex or the perception of sex has been used to advertise cigarettes, alcohol, deodorant, shampoo and so much more.  The reason is that it works.  If someone is able to link your desire for sex to their product, they’ve increased their chances of making a sale exponentially.  So with this all in mind, I’m going to try to sell you on your best life in sexual terms.  This sales pitch will start with the less desirable and move up from there.

Rape – Acting on your desires without any thought to the impact or desires of others is rape.  You do things that you know are wrong but you just don’t care.

Fantasizing – All of the action happens inside your head and stays there.  It’s perfect because it’s all imaginary.  You can have anything that you want and be exactly how you want to be but in that moment, it’s just you ALONE!

Masturbation – Desire with a little action is masturbation.  You’re one step up from fantasizing.  You’re actually doing something that will produce a result.  But let’s face it, you’re still alone and you’re still not doing what you really want to be doing.

One Night Stand – You’re another step up the ladder!  You’ve gotten that thing that you’ve been hoping for.  This is a good sign but you know it’s basically meaningless.  A temporary band-aid over the bigger desire that you have.

Porn Sex – You’re doing something like what you want but you’re mainly showing off.  You know there’s an audience and it’s obvious that this isn’t who you are.  Once the spotlight is off of you, you’re going back to your normal life and it’s not as glamorous as you want it to be.

The F*#% Buddy –  This is a comfortable situation.  It’s meeting a good number of your desires and regularly enough that you don’t feel like you’re going without.  It’s a good place to be but you know it can’t last forever and you’ve got needs on other levels that aren’t being met.

The Committed Relationship – This is where you want to be.  It’s good for you and good for the people around you.  There’s a compounding return on the weeks, months and years that you’ve put into this.

Now that we’ve defined the terms, let’s apply them to an area of one’s life.  Let’s use personal fitness.

  • A person who does not care about their fitness at all is raping themselves.  Over and over acting only out of desire and never thinking of consequence.
  • A person who sees fit people and thinks about how they could be or used to be is just fantasizing.
  • The person who joined a gym but never goes or goes only when they feel like it is masturbating.
  • Training for and running a 5K is a one night stand.  It’s not going to last.
  • Entering a fitness challenge at work is porn sex.  Without the spotlight, it’s just not happening or at least not to the level that it is.
  • Personally I’m in a F*#% buddy relationship with my fitness.  I do it when I feel like it.  I’m not committed to it.  It’s convenient but not committed.  I’m missing out on all of those connections that would take it to the next level.
  • The fit person is in a committed relationship.  Not particularly to the type of exercise that they do but rather to their body.

Apply these labels to any area of your life.  It could help you to realize that you’re raping your career and you really don’t want to be anymore.  No matter what your situation this is a tool to help you examine where you are and where you want to be.  ENJOY!

Pete

If you’ve got suggestions for other possibilities, leave them in the comments.

 

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If it ain’t broke…

If it ain’t broke, wait until it is and then try to fix it or reminisce about how good it used to be.  Now I know that this isn’t the way that the old adage goes but it seems to be the thought process of today.  There are so many services and institutions that dig their heals in against change.  This reluctance is all about fear.  Letting go of the old is much like letting go of a trapeze.  It is not the other bar that causes the fear.  It is the empty space in between.  So why let go of this perfectly functional bar?

For some there will never be a good enough reason to let go.  The risk is just too great.  But what about for you?  You know that the bar that you’re on is going fall or may even be on fire.  Letting go is the only safe bet.  You need to make progress or take the fall.  But you’re hedging.  Why?  Because it’s not broken yet and you’re hoping that it won’t.

It’s all in the story that you’re telling yourself inside of your head.  The story is broken.  You’ve been served a fear sandwich that you’re unwilling to eat.  Don’t tell yourself the story that you want to hear.  Tell yourself the story that is true.  The one that will get you to move forward.  Write the script, don’t wait for it to be written for you.

You know who you are!

Pete

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The Shoehorn, the Crowbar and Bulldozer

ShoehornThe shoehorn*, crowbar and bulldozer; all use a combination of an inclined plan and a lever.  While they all have the same base components, almost no one would ever use one as a replacement for the other.  Using a bulldozer to get your shoes on could get messy really quickly!  It’s overkill and everyone can see that.

As we go through the tumultuous times in our lives, it can seem easiest to bulldoze through challenges.  As the “pressure” of daily life seems to be getting higher, bulldozing can become the default lever that people use to move forward.  In the end this leaves a flattened earth with nothing living left behind.  People are especially susceptible to being hurt in the process of bulldozing.  Getting what you want from a personal situation is usually better served by using a delicate tool rather than a massively destructive one.  In a world where we’ve become comfortable with possible heart attack from a drug intended to length your eyelashes (tongue in cheek), it might be that our tolerance for negative consequence has gotten too high.

Choose the right tool for the situation.  Damage control is not something to be done after the fact.  It can be done beforehand with even better results.  Exercise your leverage without the destruction.

Pete

*A shoehorn may not be something that young people recognize.   It is a tool that is used to help slide a shoe onto a foot.  They used to be prevalent but I’ve not seen one since my grandfather passed away.