Tag: Friends

Blogpost, self-reliance

Biting the Cow’s Ass

Pete Huryk

GalileoIf you go to a fine restaurant and order a steak, you will probably enjoy a fine meal and receive no side-ward glances from anyone.  The location and timing are everything.  On some level you must realize that months earlier, that steak was part of cow.  If you got dressed up, went out into the field and bit the cow’s ass, you’d definitely get a reaction especially from the cow.  There’s a place and time for almost everything.  Getting that combination right is the difference between being cheered and ridiculed.  To a certain extent, Galileo was considered a “cow-biter”.  The things that he was saying and doing were so far ahead of their time that no one understood them.  He was even excommunicated from the church for his beliefs.  People were not ready to hear what he was saying because they were too invested in their worldview.

The entire world is never going to cheer or ridicule you but it feels that way when those close to you do either.  In order to become the best version of yourself, you will need to change some things.  While some may be subtle, others may be drastic and misunderstood by your “world” (friends, family, colleagues).  The people close to you are invested in who you are now.  That better version of you is something that they might not be ready for.  Your actions may force them to see things in themselves that they do not like.  That’s not your burden to bear.  It is your job to decide if you’re a cow-biter or Galileo.

Can you see a future that you want to create for yourself?  If you’re a true believer in that future, then don’t worry about the people who think you’re a cow-biter.  They are invested in your yesterday and you’re using today to build a better tomorrow.

Sink your teeth into today!

Pete

 

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Bock-rottom

Pete Huryk

bockrottomAbout a year ago, I was having a discussion with a friend and she said she had hit “bock-rottom”.  It was a moment of mental dyslexia.  I really liked the word but wasn’t sure what it should mean.  This morning on my run it became obvious what bock-rottom was.  Rock-bottom is the place lowest point that a person can hit.  “Hitting bock-rottom” is the act of hitting your lowest point, bouncing up and hitting the lowest point again.  It is so disorienting that it mixes up the letters.

Negative circumstances can be so discouraging that they thwart positive action.  Even worse is the discouragement of getting up from poor circumstances only to be knocked down again.  Look at that word again “discourage”.  Break it apart “dis-courage”.  The situation has taken away courage.  The thing is that courage is not created by circumstance, courage is created by people, INSIDE.  It is a choice to be courageous and one that can be made at any time.  Even in the worst of circumstances, courage is possible but are you really at bock-rottom?

If you’re reading this blog, chances are that you’re not at bock-rottom.  You’re most likely in the “pit of perception”.  You’ve made the hole that you’re in seem deeper inside your head.  Or you have a negative situation but you’re ignoring all of the positives that are working in your favor.  If you’re reading this, you have advantages that you’re probably ignoring because you’re focused on how bad it is.  You can read, you have internet access, you probably live in the US (but a shout out to my friends in India & Brazil), you have a mind that is searching for answers.  These are all advantages that can be used as weapons in the battle with your poor circumstances.  Complaining, whining and sulking are not going to help you.  Depression is not a strategy!  It’s an emotional state.  Just like a hole, you can climb out of it.

So take a moment to see where you are, since most of us are not truly at bock-rottom.  We’re in a bad spot that we need to get out of.  The fight is yours to make.  Is there any value in giving up?  Don’t surrender to circumstances.  Make your circumstances!  Here’s the theatrical version!

Make today a better day!

Pete

 

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Completely Focused On Being Scattered

Pete Huryk

In 1925 President Calvin Coolidge famously said that “The business of America is business.”  Almost a full century later, those words are still quoted often enough for it to be recognized.  Since the proliferation of the internet to most households, the pace of information exchange and communication has continued to increase almost exponentially.  The problem is that with so much information flying around, very few people are taking the time to communicate or do anything to the best of their ability.  It seems that with technology as our guide “The business of America is BUSYness.”   There is no soap box under my feet.  I am not chastising, judging or pointing a ridiculing finger.  This post is as much for me as it is for anyone who reads it.

focusDistraction is a way of life in the country at the moment.  Not only is completing tasks without getting distracted difficult but the fear of missing out (FOMO) seems to be an almost pervasive issue.  People have divided their focus between too many activities and are simultaneously getting distracted from them.  It’s a recipe for disaster no matter how you slice it.  No one can be everywhere for everyone every time.  Distraction always comes with a price tag and it is not you who is profiting.  The losses are felt by you, your family, your friends, your colleagues and classmates.  The people who are actually in your life are the ones who are missing out on a key component of their experience and that is you.  All of you, not the partial you that has a technological device in hand “JUST IN CASE!”  The cyborg version of you that cannot let go of the phone, tablet or computer has a distinct weakness, it is never fully present.

So many of our systems are built largely upon attendance but that model is at best flawed and at worst catastrophically broken. Absence, attendance, presence, engagement and immersion are very different levels of an inverted pyramid of human involvement.  While attendance is a nice start, it is just barely above absence and meets only minimum requirements.  Showing up is just not enough.  To really take full advantage of this life that you have been gifted, you must strategically move up the pyramid with the things that you have decided really matter.  And there lies the problem we must DECIDE.  Decide comes from the Latin meaning to cut off.   We must cut off the things that don’t matter in order to preserve the things that do.    Our focus needs to be cut down to that which we value most.

The only person who can win this focus battle for you is you.  Anyone can suggest, plead or punish you to do it but you do not have to comply until you choose.  In the end there are so many companies and individuals who want your focus.  It is your job to divvy it out as you see fit or scatter it without a care.  Where you put your focus determines your life.  If you decide to immerse yourself in Facebook, that is your choice and far be it from me to judge.  As long as it is a decision and not a resignation to the world of distraction.  Choose what you want for yourself before others choose for you.

Pete

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.  -Theodore Roosevelt

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Invisible People

Pete Huryk

InvisibleAs a teacher, I take pride in the fact that I learn all of my students’ first and/or last name within the first three days of class.  Learning the names of over 100 people in that amount of time is not always easy but it is good for building a rapport with people.  There are plenty of tricks to acquiring information that quickly.  Unfortunately the honest truth is that I don’t remember all of the names after the year is over.  The other day a former student came to visit and it took about five minutes for me to remember her first name.  While I’m not proud of this event, I don’t feel all that badly about it either.  The information was in there but just not near the top of the filing system.  I feel much worse when I first meet someone and less than a minute later, I don’t remember their name.

There are many reasons why this happens but a major one is that new people aren’t usually important to us yet.  In English class you may remember your teacher talking about the “first person”, “second person” and “third person”.  That basically represents the way that we used to define people’s importance.  In a pre-technology world, the most important person in our lives was ‘self’.  This was followed by the people we had contact with directly.  Finally there was the rest of the world that held up that third position.  Now there is a third class of people, invisible.

Invisible people are all around us.  Of course they’re not truly invisible.  We can see them if we look hard enough.  The reason we usually don’t see them is because we’re looking at our phone, TV or tablet.  In theory these should be “third person”, people that are there but you are not directly interacting with.  The problem is that position has now been replaced by the “second person”.  These are the people that we are in direct contact with but today they are almost universally ignored in favor of the digital.  The digital second person is basically the default contact that we reach to before anyone else.  For some, it seems as though all people have become invisible people.

So this weekend, give life back to the invisible people.  Take the time to see who is there.  Engage with people you know and don’t know on human level.  Remember that a hug is better than text.  A smile is better than a like.  Time with an old friend is better than a new Facebook friend.  Technology is a tool just like a hammer.  Used correctly, both are intended to build.  Used incorrectly, both have the possibility to destroy.  Be human this weekend and visit with the invisible people.

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The Fist

Pete Huryk

IMG_0671At one point in my coaching career a group of my players referred to me as “the fist”.  The reason for this nickname was a team talk that I gave.  It highlights the fact that in combat ten separated fingers can do minimal damage.  However combine the fingers into a fist and you can do some real damage.  Today I want to expand upon that idea but generalize it to life rather than athletics.

As I think about the fist of life, I would equate it to an inner circle of people who play particular roles.  Each role is distinct and important toward the inner balance of a person.  The organization of an effective fist may take a good amount of time and introspection.  However the positives to be drawn from the fist are immeasurable.

The thumb – This is the person that is your counterbalance.  They are strong in ways that you are weak.  They may seem different and may not exactly fit in with the rest of your fist.  However they are an anchor that allows you to grasp things and hold on.  My wife is my thumb.  She makes me better because of our differences.  Without her I feel off balance.  The thumb may be the most difficult for a young person to find because that person may be an non-obvious ally.

The pointer finger – This is the person in your circle that is where you want to be in many areas.  They act as a role model or mentor in some ways.  Sometimes it is difficult to get a personal relationship with the people that you want to be.  So modern technology is a great asset.  Use podcasts, blogs, books, videos or whatever other means you can find to get into the mind of someone that you respect.  Depending on your specific goals, this person may be intelligent, wealthy, athletic or inspiring.  If you are relying on resources rather than live people, it may be worthwhile to diversify your pointer fingers.  I’ve had many over the years for different reasons: Tim Ferriss, Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, Teddy Roosevelt and Jack Canfield.  I try to avoid “hero worship”.  As you get a deeper picture into a persons life, you realize that we all have flaws.  So picking up the musical talent secrets of a figure like Kurt Cobain might be great.  Following him in other ways is less productive.  Take the good that fits within your model of the world and run with it.

The middle finger – This is the person who believes in your abilities with such confidence that they are willing to say “F___ YOU!” to anyone that doubts you.  I would prefer that this person be you but I realize that you might not be there yet.  The key to the middle finger is that it is your strength.  It stands above the rest in a prominent position.  It doesn’t need to flip off the world all of the time, just when it’s warranted.  Another reason why I’d like for your middle finger to be you is that it stands at the center of the fist.  You should be at the center of your world and all fist movement should be directed by you.  I wasn’t always my middle finger but I am now.

The ring finger – This is your support person.  This person is most like you in the world.  There is little chance that in any situation they won’t understand your point of view.  They are the person that you lean on in bad times.  Perhaps you can sit and watch TV with them just because their presence is comforting.  A good ring finger is worth its weight in gold because you don’t ever have to try.  My ring finger is my brother, Dave.  I never have to consider for a moment where we stand.

The pinkie – This is your comic relief.  The person who can always make you laugh.  Regardless of the situation, they are able to give you a chuckle when you most need it.  Often this person is a stark contrast to the rest of your fist.  No matter how different they may be, they are extremely important to the fist and your balance.  I’m extremely lucky because I met my pinkie in college.  My friend, Schaef, is the guy that I call when I need to laugh.  Even at myself.  We repeat the same jokes and it doesn’t matter.

Even though I’ve got my fist set at the moment, it is able to change and should at times.  For example, I am looking very deeply into finding a live “pointer finger”.  I think that interaction would be great for me to go to the next level.  So go find your fist or at least identify them and realize their importance.

Go get stuff done.

Pete

 

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The Greatest Lie That I Was Ever Told

Pete Huryk

On December 29th 2001, I was told the greatest lie of my life.  It was told to me by one of my dearest friends.  He told it to me because he knew that it would give me the confidence to do something that I normally would not have.  I am thankful every day that he told me that lie.

The night before on December 28th, my friend and I went out like we would on any other Friday night.  We ran into his younger brother, another friend and the friend’s sister.  The sister and I talked for a long time that night.  Although I was very interested in her, I didn’t ask for her number or anything.  However the next day, I was told that she was very interested in me and wanted to do something with the group again for New Year’s Eve.  So later that evening, I called her up in order to make plans for all of us to go out again.  That’s when I found out that it was a lie.  My friend had conjured up most of the story just to get me to call her.  She was going to Philadelphia for New Year’s and had no plans to go out with us again.  However she was happy to hear from me and the rest is history.  She is now my wife and we’ve been married for 10 years.

Although it was a lie, it was more valuable to me than the truth.  It took away the fear that normally would have paralyzed me into inaction.  The lie made me act.  It made me believe with certainty that I was going to be successful.  It was a placebo of the best kind.  I had taken the drug of self-confidence and it work magic on me.

There are so few things in life that are absolute.  Perhaps the “truths” that you’ve been telling yourself haven’t helped you very much.  The divide between the truth and a lie is often completely based on perspective.  If you’re going to lie to yourself or believe the lies of other people, be sure that they serve you.