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The Myth of Keyser Söze

usualsuspectsOne of the best movies from a pure story standpoint that I’ve seen is “The Usual Suspects”.  The film takes you on a ride where you’re continuously led down paths for particular reasons.  A main reason for the perplexing nature of the film is the doubt surrounding the myth of Keyser Söze.  For those unfamiliar with the film, Keyser Söze is a purported crime boss who controls the sale of drugs, weapons, etc. from the shadows of anonymity.  At one point he is portrayed as a “spook story” that thieves tell their children, “Rat on your Pop and Keyser Söze will come get you.”  

RedRidingHoodPersonally I never heard that version of spook story when I was a kid but I can see its usefulness to some people.  The fairy tales and legends that we are told as children vary greatly depending on the desired outcome from our upbringing.  Aspirational and cautionary tales alike are used to push the child in particular directions.  Keep on trying courtesy of “The Little Engine that Could”.  Be prepared by “The Three Little Pigs”.  Don’t be sexually promiscuous by “Little Red Riding Hood” (Didn’t know until I talked to a German teacher).  These stories were all fashioned to get a result.

The thing about all of these stories is that they are made up.  Complete fabrications from the imagination of someone long ago.  They’ve been changed, updated, amended, forgotten and remembered.  The reason that they still exist is that they were effective through the years.  “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” got me to stop going to the nurse’s office every day in 3rd grade.  So since stories are effective if they’re told enough and have the desired message, what is the story that you tell yourself about yourself?  The Myth of Keyser Söze was that he was an almost superhuman figure who was powerful and ruthless.  Before that story could be spread, he had to at least partially tell it to himself.

Now it is your turn.  Tell the story of you to yourself.  Adapt it, amend it, change it to fit your needs.  The endpoint that you desire to have should be attained through some form of work mixed with an optimistic attitude to never give up.  The story is out there in the realm of possibility.  Now you just need to write it, tell it and live it.

Tell your story!

Pete

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Accidentally Mummifying Yourself

KilimanjaroThe world is filled with things that cut.  Like walking through a patch of thorn bushes with exposed skin, injury is an almost certainty.  In the short term, bandaging the cuts is the right strategy.  In time, the wounds will heal.  If too many cuts pile up, the bandages become wrappings.  You become a mummy.  Movements constrained by the bandages on wounds that never healed.  Avoiding cuts completely is an impossibility but choosing a new path and learning how to wield a machete are both options.  Band aids are not a long term solution, they are a short term fix.  This concept is obvious when thinking about real wounds but with metaphorical wounds, this is a common strategy.

The key has always been preventative medicine/measures.  Solving old problems with solutions that minimize or eradicate the issue is the best way to get better problems.  That is an understanding that everyone needs to have: PROBLEMS AREN’T GOING AWAY!  The most that you can hope for is to have the best problems possible because you’ve solved the old and boring ones.  Why would you choose to flail around in that same old thorn bush when you can figure out how to climb Mount Kilimanjaro?

I know that many of you out there are bleeding and it hurts.  My heart goes out to you and I hope that this message will help you move on.  Break free of the thorns and find the path to the mountain where you can see for miles.  It won’t be easy but it may be worth it!

Have a great day!

Pete

 

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Your Life in Sexual Terms (Uncomfortable content, you’ve been warned!)

strawberryIt’s a longstanding phrase in advertising, “Sex Sells!”  It sells things that have nothing to do with it whatsoever.  Sex or the perception of sex has been used to advertise cigarettes, alcohol, deodorant, shampoo and so much more.  The reason is that it works.  If someone is able to link your desire for sex to their product, they’ve increased their chances of making a sale exponentially.  So with this all in mind, I’m going to try to sell you on your best life in sexual terms.  This sales pitch will start with the less desirable and move up from there.

Rape – Acting on your desires without any thought to the impact or desires of others is rape.  You do things that you know are wrong but you just don’t care.

Fantasizing – All of the action happens inside your head and stays there.  It’s perfect because it’s all imaginary.  You can have anything that you want and be exactly how you want to be but in that moment, it’s just you ALONE!

Masturbation – Desire with a little action is masturbation.  You’re one step up from fantasizing.  You’re actually doing something that will produce a result.  But let’s face it, you’re still alone and you’re still not doing what you really want to be doing.

One Night Stand – You’re another step up the ladder!  You’ve gotten that thing that you’ve been hoping for.  This is a good sign but you know it’s basically meaningless.  A temporary band-aid over the bigger desire that you have.

Porn Sex – You’re doing something like what you want but you’re mainly showing off.  You know there’s an audience and it’s obvious that this isn’t who you are.  Once the spotlight is off of you, you’re going back to your normal life and it’s not as glamorous as you want it to be.

The F*#% Buddy –  This is a comfortable situation.  It’s meeting a good number of your desires and regularly enough that you don’t feel like you’re going without.  It’s a good place to be but you know it can’t last forever and you’ve got needs on other levels that aren’t being met.

The Committed Relationship – This is where you want to be.  It’s good for you and good for the people around you.  There’s a compounding return on the weeks, months and years that you’ve put into this.

Now that we’ve defined the terms, let’s apply them to an area of one’s life.  Let’s use personal fitness.

  • A person who does not care about their fitness at all is raping themselves.  Over and over acting only out of desire and never thinking of consequence.
  • A person who sees fit people and thinks about how they could be or used to be is just fantasizing.
  • The person who joined a gym but never goes or goes only when they feel like it is masturbating.
  • Training for and running a 5K is a one night stand.  It’s not going to last.
  • Entering a fitness challenge at work is porn sex.  Without the spotlight, it’s just not happening or at least not to the level that it is.
  • Personally I’m in a F*#% buddy relationship with my fitness.  I do it when I feel like it.  I’m not committed to it.  It’s convenient but not committed.  I’m missing out on all of those connections that would take it to the next level.
  • The fit person is in a committed relationship.  Not particularly to the type of exercise that they do but rather to their body.

Apply these labels to any area of your life.  It could help you to realize that you’re raping your career and you really don’t want to be anymore.  No matter what your situation this is a tool to help you examine where you are and where you want to be.  ENJOY!

Pete

If you’ve got suggestions for other possibilities, leave them in the comments.

 

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Invisible Meals

InvisibleMealI love food!  Almost too much.  This is at least one of the causes of my battle with weight loss.  Cravings for things that taste good at meal time are a daily occurrence.  Although I know all of the reasons for a healthy diet, the struggle still exists.  Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.  The other day I started to give some real thought to this dilemma.  At that time I realized that most meals are invisible.  It’s not that we can’t see them at all but rather that they only exist long enough to serve their purpose.  After they are gone, they are generally forgotten.

If you were asked, I’m sure you could probably remember what you had for dinner, lunch and breakfast yesterday.  However unless you eat the same thing each day or have a schedule, the memory of your meals probably only goes back a week or less.  Even take a special meal like Thanksgiving, you probably remember what you had but don’t remember whether the turkey was dry or how many helpings of mashed potatoes you had.  The power of a meal is the power of an instant.  Based on our national problem with obesity, it is easy to see that we have a problem with getting past those instances.

Choosing what we want most over what we want right now is the key to overcoming this issue.  It does not just relate to food and weight.  It is a failure to fully decide what we want before the instant of temptation comes up.  Being prepared to react to those temptations with a steadfast denial by saying with your actions, “I already chose differently.”  It is not easy!  Without a doubt, this is most likely a fight against years or even decades of habit and desire.  Depending on the habit, like me, you may be carrying around a large reminder of all of those momentary choices with almost no memory of the “joy” that they brought.

So if the memory is going to fade of these instances and you know they will, can you start to make a better choice?  Can you choose to not be overwhelmed by now in the service of later?  Whether it’s food, sex, anger, distraction, beer or any other vice that you may have, make your choice before the moment arrives.  Then carry that decision into tomorrow.  You are not a machine!  This will take time and practice but remember that your present desire will eventually fade in your memory.  Most meals end up being invisible.

Have a great week!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Don’t Marry Your F#@% Buddy

FBuddyIt’s so obvious on one level.  A spouse is someone that you are supposed to spend most of your days and the rest of your life with.  So choosing a person that offers a one dimensional relationship is absolutely ludicrous.  It would make for a very long and difficult daily road because all of the other areas of your life would suffer.  The sex would be great but what do you do with the other 23 hours 59 minutes of the day?  Most likely that extra time would be spent trying to makeshift a life with someone who should have been a guilty pleasure but has become a daily burden.

This is a description of a very extreme situation that is probably not realistic to most people.  Almost no one marries their “f#@% buddy” because it makes no sense and few of us would make that foolish decision.  The reason is that it is such a big decision that it would usually get sorted out before the cutting of the cake.  Signs would be so obvious that either self-examination or friends would intervene.  But what happens with the small things?  Marriage is a big decision or at least is should be.  The small decisions might be the ones that sneak through almost undetected.

Each of us has them, the guilty pleasures that we love probably more than we should.  Ice cream, chocolate, Youtube,  beer, physical affection and so many more are pleasureful things in their correct amounts.  However when we “marry” them and make them a central part of our existence, they wield an unbalancing power.  Just like the fictitious marriage that seemed so obviously out of place, relationships with items and experiences can create a burden in the other areas of your life.  It’s easier to dismiss because it is not a person that you need to take home with you.  It’s a thing, a moment in time that you deserve and the consequences will be dealt with later.

So now it is up to you!  Are you married to one of your “f#@% buddies”?  Then choose!  You don’t need to break it off completely (unless you want to).  The key is to put this relationship into its proper context.  See it as it really is and not let it take over.  Then you are available to marry the things and experiences that you really want!

Have a great weekend!

Pete