Tag: self awareness

Blogpost, self-reliance

Turn On The Bat Signal!

Pete Huryk

If you want Batman to show up, then turn on the Bat Signal. It’s not a difficult thing to figure out when you live in Gotham City. There is only one superhero with a signal that the commissioner has at his disposal. However, what if there were lots of signals? Not just for the heroes but also for the villains, sidekicks and everyone in between. Depending on what signals you put out into the world, you could have the entire population of Arkham Asylum on your doorstep. Or you could attract the “Caped Crusader” and Boy Wonder. The key would be putting out the right signals.

Obviously there aren’t a lot of winged vigilantes hanging around looking for spotlights in the clouds. However, you are putting out signals all the time. The world is picking many of them up and people are reacting to your signals whether you realize it or not. If your world is full of villains, is it possible that you’ve called them into your life?

I waiver back and forth on exactly how strong the powers of our intentions are. At times they seem to be “all powerful”, a single thought of an old friend seems to cause a text message or phone call to come my way. Other times, it seems like the signals just aren’t getting through. Either my spotlight isn’t turned on or Batman isn’t looking. Regardless of what is floating out there in the ether, we are sending a variety of signals throughout the day.

  • Texts and emails – They are probably the most pervasive messaging that we send out at the moment. When was the last time that you audited: Who you’re sending messages to? What are you saying? What’s your tone? Would you want to get a message from you?
  • Words – These come in combination with the next category but they are extremely important. Not simply because other people hear them but because you’re hearing yourself say them. They are double signals! They go to yourself and your audience. Be careful how you use these signals because they can repel or attract equally well.
  • Body language – This is a crucial signal that needs attention. Eye contact, body posture, hand movement, etc. can all play a part in attracting the forces of good or evil toward you. Or sending the message to stay away! It can be difficult to see yourself in the moment. So consider practicing in front of the mirror. It’s almost stupid enough of an idea to work!
  • Mental messages – If this is too “woo woo” for you, then move on. I’ve already said that I waiver on how strong this can be. It’s one of those things that is not reliable enough to be scientific but at the same time I’ve seen enough evidence to believe there is something to it. Our intentions have power! I’m just not sure how much!

These are just some of the signals that are available to you. There are also: smoke, dress, scent and more. Regardless of whether you are conscious of the signals that you’re sending, they are out there and people are receiving them. The main thing is sending the right messages. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t assume that the message that you want to send and the one that is received are one in the same. This requires some detective work on your part. It may be cumbersome (good song) but it’s worth the time and effort.

Holy subliminal messages Batman! Be loud and clear!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Yellow Mayonnaise

Pete Huryk

It’s not like yellow snow which is extremely different from regular snow. Yellow mayonnaise is simply an amazing concoction that left in an unnecessary ingredient, egg yolks. Let’s start from the beginning, mayonnaise is amazing! Not because of the taste which people are allowed to have their own opinion on. Mayonnaise is amazing because it is scientific marvel! When asked if you want oil and vinegar on your sub sandwich or mayonnaise, it’s not really a choice. In both instances, you’re getting oil and vinegar! The only difference is that the mayonnaise has taken two things that don’t mix and forced them together through an emulsifier, egg whites. It is amazing! But it’s usually white. I didn’t experience yellow mayo until I visited Ecuador. The family that I lived with served yellow mayo and I was intrigued. The taste was mostly the same but it wasn’t normal.

Normal is something that seems to have been taken away from us in many ways. Some things are being described as “new normal” while people more often long for the “old normal.” Regardless of which camp you fall into, normal suggests some level of expectation. A way that things are supposed to be, otherwise there is reason to be upset. While this is all perfectly reasonable, how much should the outside world be dictating whether things are normal or not? Since we are largely the ones that are making the “mayo”, shouldn’t we be deciding if yellow is acceptable in times where white isn’t available? Of course by “making the mayo” I’m referring to the internal processes of physiology, focus and internal dialogue that determine so much of how we feel. It’s easy to forget that we are mixing the ingredients as they come in. NORMAL is only partially dependent upon the outside world. Accepting the “yolks” is largely up to us.

So start by remembering this! Just like mayonnaise, YOU ARE AMAZING! You’re a beautiful mixture of physical matter, intelligence, spirit and a lot of other ingredients that has been bound together into this wonderful package. There will be times when you don’t feel like the miracle that you are. That’s ok! Not all mayo is pristine white. Not every day is perfect. Not every thought that you have will be bright and sunny. Sometimes the only thing that we notice is the exterior that looks different than we expect and forget that inside you’re a miracle! You are yellow mayonnaise.

Just don’t spread yourself too thin! Hahaha (dad joke)

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You Are Here

Pete Huryk

They are really quite useful! Maps with that drawing or sticker that tell you exactly where you are on the map. It gives you a frame of reference for your future movement. Whether in a shopping mall, amusement park or any other area with twists and turns, this added feature to a helpful guide to the territory can be invaluable.

In the real world though, there is rarely an indicator of this sort. Sure we generally know where we are geographically but in a larger context, we’re often lost! There are traditions and conventions that we may follow. Paths that others have trodden which gives us some assurance of success. However it’s not the precision of a map with our exact location of the moment spelled out for us.

At the moment, I have no idea if this is the blogpost that will skyrocket me to stardom. I don’t even know if that is on the map nor if that would get me closer to my goal of helping people. Since there is no map, it’s even more important to have a compass. Something that helps you know if you’re heading in the right direction. Do you have yours? If not, it’s worth developing or considering. Getting lost is part of most journeys but losing yourself shouldn’t be. Define for yourself the direction that you’re heading so that when you reach obstacles, you understand why you must get past them.

There will probably not be a convenient map for you to follow through your life. Life is rarely set up for your convenience. However if you set yourself up with the right tools for keeping you on track, you won’t even need the sticker because you’ll know “You are here!”

Find yourself today!

Pete

Uncategorized

The Size of Your Cell

Pete Huryk

Today the family and I visited Alcatraz Island. Despite the very moving exhibit about the Native American occupation of the island, our main purpose for the visit was the prison. This was my second visit to “The Rock” but it was my children’s first. It’s easy to forget how small the cells are and the solitary life that must have been led by the prisoners. Surely their past actions put them into that position. However can’t that be said about all of us? The size of the cells in Alcatraz was 5 feet by 9 feet. How big is the cell that confines each of us? Are we only confined by the limits of our imaginations? Or is the size of our cell around 3 inches by 6 inches?

It easy and enticing to believe that we’re not confined by anything. The optimist inside of me would love to believe that we are all limitless, no bars, no guards, no walls to keep us in. Largely that could be true if it weren’t for us. We confine ourselves, punish ourselves and obstruct ourselves. The prison around us is man made but the man or (wo)man who made it, is also the prisoner. This knowledge is important but not liberating. It can help us to see past the bars and wall but escape is not particularly any simpler. Depending on how old you are, those impediments seem as real as the stone and steel of Alcatraz.

There is still debate about whether or not anyone ever escaped from Alcatraz. There is no debate that people escape their self-made prisons every day. The question is how far they get and whether or not they lock themselves back up in the same cell with the same number. It’s possible for you to make it! You don’t need to use a spoon from the commissary to tunnel through concrete. The escape plan needs to center around you and the amount of freedom that you’ll allow yourself to believe in. No one is stopping you! Unlock the cell and walk out! Freedom awaits but you need to believe.

Let’s go!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and Talent

Pete Huryk

Children around the world are taught to believe in some things that just don’t exist. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are two western world creations that give excitement and anticipation to children around their respective holidays. Eventually these particular mythical creatures are revealed for what they are: cultural fantasy. I’m not sure that they do any pervasive psychological harm because the fantasy is replaced by a functional reality that young people can understand. The same cannot be said for the cultural ghost of “talent.” I’m sure that my argument is going to get someone’s knickers in a twist. So let me be as specific as I possibly can be. I am referring to the seemingly “god given” ability that comes without effort, training or intention. The ability that comes from nowhere.

Unlike Santa Claus and the Eastern Bunny, this myth is extremely dangerous and erodes the possibility of personal achievement in so many lives. It breaks the confidence of young people and older people alike. People are left feeling like a child on Christmas with nothing under the tree but they don’t seem to ever realize that they’re waiting for something to appear that really doesn’t exist. The way that people generally think of talent has set them up for disappointment. Sure there are people that are born with some slight advantages such as height, intelligence or kinesthetic awareness. However these advantages are the beginning of a path, not the end of the road. Someone who is dedicated can catch up to those with a head start. It happens all of the time. The stories of people like Michael Jordan are told often in order to dispel the myth of talent. However the truth isn’t what most people are looking for. They are actually looking for an excuse.

Talent is the perfect alibi for low achievement. The lack of it can be used to explain away the poor results that were unwanted. People want to receive positive results but often are unwilling to put forth the time and effort required to get them. It’s so much easier to point the finger at the people who are getting better results and brand them as having “talent.” Then their conscience is free because God, Allah, Buddha, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or some other deity did not bestow upon them the magical power necessary to become something special. It’s a lie and it needs to be called out.

Unfortunately we don’t put “talent” into shopping malls every year in a costume where everyone older than ten years old can see the farce. We perpetuate the lie because most of us want to be protected by it in some way. However we have to realize that it is not protecting us from anything more than all that we could be. So let go of the myth! Your lack of talent can be overcome with grit, determination and consistency. When you eventually become so good at something that people call you talented, you’ll know the truth. It will then be up to you to tell them or let them believe in fairy tales. Either way, you’ll be free!

Merry F#$@ing Christmas!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Unpickle the Cucumber

Pete Huryk

One of my favorite places to eat in the entire world is called “The Sub Shack” in Hackettstown, NJ. As a kid, we would go there from time to time and as an adult I make it a point to go whenever visiting home. They had a barrel of pickles soaking in brine that were sold for one dollar a piece. As a child, I didn’t realize initially that pickles were cucumbers (or other vegetables). Traditionally it was done to prevent spoilage. In modern times, it seems to principally be done for taste. Once pickled, it is almost impossible to turn a pickle back into a cucumber. By soaking the cucumber in brine, that liquid permeates the entirety of the cucumber. Even if it is soaked in water for a long period of time, it can’t go back. Luckily humans are not pickles but we may be “pickled” to a certain extent.

The Sub Shack located on Main St. in Hackettstonwn, NJ.

This discussion of brining and pickles was brought about as I was thinking about my own mindset and habits. Much of who I am today is due to being immersed in a particular set of circumstances. My upbringing, education, friends, experiences, etc. form the brine that my mind has been soaking in for these forty-five years. Some components have been thrust upon me while others have been deliberately chosen. All of the “flavors” that I am can be changed on some level by “re-brining.” My American flavor would be affected to some degree by living in England for a decade. However it is almost impossible to completely “unpickle the cucumber.”

Just because you can’t start over, doesn’t mean that you need to continue on your present path. It is completely possible to change the you that people see everyday. However it takes more than an inspirational Instagram post or a week’s worth of discipline. You need to become immersed in the change that you want to create. People, location, media, schedules, etc. can all help to “brine” you in one way or another. The key is to figure out exactly what you want to taste like (did I take the analogy too far? That felt like a bit too far.) REGARDLESS the person that you are is who you will stay unless you immerse yourself in something different. You’ve already been pickled. Now it’s up to you to decide if you like the recipe that was used!

Bon Appetite!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Repeat Yourself, Continuously

Pete Huryk

As a father, it is almost my sworn duty to tell dad jokes. My grandfather was a well known joke teller in his neighborhood and the family. Most of the time when he would start telling you a story, you weren’t sure if it was the set up for a joke or not. Since his name was Pete, he would often introduce himself, “My name is Pete and this is my son, RePete.” He specialized in Polish jokes because we’re Polish by descent but he was always looking for new material. There were a quite a few that you would hear over and over again because they worked.

My grandfather, the joker!

Since we have so much choice these days, there is a desire for the new and unique. Despite all of this choice, I still find myself going back to the things that work over and over again: Shawshank Redemption, Knapsack and the Tim Ferris podcast with Robert Rodriguez. Predictability has its place in a world as volatile as ours. The important skill is being able to tell the difference between a track and a rut. The major distinguishing factor is that tracks lead someplace and ruts are formed because you’re just spinning your wheels.

So I suggest that you repeat yourself, continuously……..After you’ve decided who it is that you want to be. Consistency is a key to most endeavors. If you want to be a great version of yourself, that is going to require that you are a consistent version of yourself. Consistent action in a particular direction leaves tracks and people can understand who you are where you’ve come from. Unfortunately in our distraction culture, it’s easy to be led astray but the things that we believe are necessary tools. The latest thing is always going to be around because there’s always a new latest thing.

Even though he looked for new material, my grandfather knew which jokes worked because he had thousands of hours of experience. He didn’t recite poetry because that was not his thing except for that one about the guy from Nantucket…. But I digress. You don’t need to be all things to all people. You need to be you, everyday for the rest of your life. Make sure that it’s a decision and not an accident who it is that shows up.

Did I ever tell you the one…?

RePete III

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Toaster and the Smartphone

Pete Huryk

A toaster is a useful piece of machinery at breakfast time. Its identity is so certain that it bears the name of what it does. A smartphone on the other hand has many functions. It can take calls, search for information, teach you another language and thousands of other things. It’s just horrible at making toast.

My toaster!

There is no shame in being a toaster if you place yourself in the right spot. In fact you can be the most valuable item in the right kitchen. There is also no value to being a smartphone in the wrong environment. A place with no cell towers and no electricity renders this ubiquitous tool inert. It becomes a paperweight or a good skipping stone.

In the end it is not what you can do or what you cannot. The skills that you have need to match the life that you lead or want to lead. So it is up to you to decide. Is your identity the perfect size for your life? If you’re a toaster, then be the best damn toaster ever and find the right kitchen for your output. Don’t envy the smartphone, it can’t do what you can!

Heat things up!

Pete

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

Hand Stitched Soccer Balls

Pete Huryk

There was a point in the past where the mark of a “good” soccer ball was that it was “hand stitched.” Unfortunately most of that stitching was probably done by children in another part of the world but we’re going to put the geo-political implications aside for the moment. Quality was associated with human labor. Someone putting in an effort to create. Doing it with intention that lead to a better result. While technology has improved enough that a machine can make a better soccer ball than a kid in a sweat shop. Some tasks are better done by hand and maybe even by children.

While I have no desire to make a better soccer ball, I do have an explicit interest in helping to make better people. It is nowhere near as simple as manufacturing because the material is inconsistent. The methods are various and not always effective or efficient. However there is one that I am more sure of than ever as we cope with this pandemic. Better people are made by hand. This does not mean that they are stitched together by a low wage worker in another country. It simply means that contact is key. Our ability to become a better version of ourselves depends heavily on the influence of people. While the position of influencer seems to have been reduced to someone who has a lot of followers, it truly is the people that we allow to nudge us in one direction or another. Those little pieces of other people that we pick up can be stitched together into something beautifully functional. Much like the panels of a soccer ball, we have a patchwork design that fits together in a way that no machine could predict. So we need to be “hand-stitched” and at some point we need to do it to ourselves.

There is a societal push toward perfection. Clearer pictures on TV, faster Wifi, smarter automobiles… These improvements seem to positively impact lives. However that same expectation around human existence is more dangerous than anything else. We are born through difficulty and struggle. Usually that is what makes us better as well. We need to be hand-stitched because from time to time, life tears us apart. It’s a skill that needs to be developed, picking up the pieces. Even though we want to protect our kids from anything harmful, they need to learn how to sew. Otherwise they’ll be dependent upon other things or people to make them feel put together.

Get back to work!

Pete

Blogpost

Success Is The Distance…

Pete Huryk

For years I’ve been saying it to my teams, “Winning is not always success and losing is not always failure!” Now this sticks right in the craw of many people who want to put trophies on mantles and points on the board. The problem is that this one metric doesn’t tell the entire story. It’s just the most obvious thing that people measure. It’s also the reason that I REALLY REALLY dislike Manchester City in the English Premier League. We need to dig a little deeper to uncover the metrics by which true success can be measured.

My statement about success and failure is usually followed up by a thought exercise. I’ll ask my high school players, “If we played Arsenal and lost 1-0, were we successful?” The answer is always a resounding “YES!” Then I ask, “If we were to play against a U8 team and won 1-0, were we successful?” The answer is always a resounding “NO!” “Could we even characterize that as a ‘failure’?” Again the answer is always unanimous, “YES!” So if a loss can be success and a victory can be failure, how do we truly measure these contradictory outcomes that are so integral to how we feel about ourselves? It is simple but not easy.

Success is the distance between someone’s resources and their results. Many of the components may be subjective but we have the exemplars written in the fabric of our culture. It is no wonder that Rocky continues to be a classic after all of these years. That movie personifies this idea about success. Rocky has almost none of the resources but uses what he has to get unexpected results. Conversely Apollo has all of the resources and barely gets the minimum expected. These may be fictitious characters but these stories play out in the real world everyday. Possibly even in your own life.

Now that you have a definition for success. Take it, use it, run with it. Measure yourself against it. Are you really succeeding or are you beating up on the U8 team because it’s easy? With the resources that you have at your disposal, are you living above or below that line? Recognition is the first step to moving in a new direction. Then put on the gloves and start swinging.

Fight the good fight people!

Pete