Tag: self awareness

Blogpost, self-reliance

Red + Green = Judo

Pete Huryk

We were little kids and made up a silly game as children do. The concept was that a color combination was given as a kind of “math” problem. Green + Yellow, for example. The other person had to guess what that combination was equal to out of a variety of fighting styles: judo, kung-fu, boxing, etc. I’m not sure exactly how or why the game developed but the only thing that kept the game mildly interesting was that the person posing the question didn’t have to follow the pattern of past combinations. “Red + Green = Judo” one minute and the next “Red + Green = Boxing”. While that variety added some intrigue, it also could create frustration as the person guessing starts to feel like they can never win. Childish game right! Despite the fact that it was a silly game, it mirrors two ideas that are worth considering.

We were the coolest!

Sunk costs – This term is used to describe investment of time, money, effort, etc. into an endeavor. Some people get extremely hung up on sunk costs. The amount of investment that they’ve put into something makes the situation more difficult to walk away from regardless of the prospects of success. It’s difficult to walk away from Judo because that’s what Red + Green was before. Unfortunately the game is fluid and does not really care what happened before. Sometimes “sunk costs” need to be allowed to sink, so that you don’t go down with them.

Set up your rules to win – There was nothing won or lost in our silly little game. So nobody got overly worked up about the results. It was obvious that the person posing the question also had control of the answer. It’s a great idea for going through life that many people ignore. Pain + Reflection = Progress is a completely acceptable equation for people to use regularly. It sets the user up for success rather than failure. Unfortunately for many people Pain = Pain + Complaining = Frustration. This equation is a disaster for the person who adopts it but many do. It’s easy to forget that you are making up the rules for your mind. If your rules have you set up to lose, then change them.

We’re always playing games, whether we are conscious of it or not. Most of the games are played inside of our own minds. Keeping score (if we do) and determining success are largely up to us. It’s not the childish game that my brothers and I played. However it is just as malleable. Almost nothing is set in stone. There is no rule definitive rule book that everyone follows. Most of it is a mismatch of experiences from our pasts that create our defaults. Just remember that those defaults are not particularly right. The world has many shades of color combinations and it’s your job to figure out how to fight what life throws at you.

Red + Green = Judo!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Born Ready!

Pete Huryk

BS!!! I was born just like everyone else! Naked, afraid, unable to read or write or even hold up my own head! Yet I persisted through those difficult circumstances. After many failed attempts at walking, my parents tried to convince me to move on to easier modes of transport but I wouldn’t hear of it. Probably because I only understood basic words and phrases. I was stubborn and knew that one day I would walk. Now here I am! Decades later celebrating my imperfect birth. 46 years worth of fumbling and stumbling through life but celebrating nonetheless.

My brother holding me when I was just a blob of potential.

It’s odd isn’t it?!?! We come from such humble beginnings and the plan is very much laid out for us. “You’re not perfect from the beginning but through trial and error, you will figure things out.” Eventually we tend to forget that formula. We give up on things quickly because we’re “not good” at them. Actually we’re not good at anything in the beginning but we forget that is the modus operandi. We weren’t born ready! We were born horribly, laughably, disgustingly inadequate! But the people around us didn’t chide or berate us. They propped us up and encouraged us along the way. It was a beautiful thing for many years.

Hopefully this year, you can give yourself that same encouragement and support that you received in the early years. Maybe you’re not ready for what’s coming right now either but you can be with time and effort. You used to be a miracle! It stands to reason that some of the miracle remains, no matter how old you are. None of us was born ready. So give up on that story because the truth is much more useful. You were born as a little blob of potential. Now you get to see how much of it you can realize in a lifetime!

Happy birthday to everyone!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Baking Soda Doesn’t Taste Like Pepsi!

Pete Huryk

Baking soda isn’t even a liquid! For those who don’t bake, it’s a white powder that gets put into a large number of recipes. Those who do bake might be thinking that I’m an idiot for the title. Cool your jets for a moment. I’ve never tried to drink baking soda nor have I substituted it with a tablespoon of Pepsi in my cakes. The foolishness of both is obvious to most. It does bring an interesting juxtaposition though. One thing is an item that many people use for its pleasurable effects. The other is a necessary ingredient to make a finished product. It puts a want in direct contrast to a need.

Most of us run into this issue on a daily basis. Our wants and our needs are put at odds with one another as we combine the ingredients of our days. It is not usually a case of knowing. We tend to know the things that we need in our life: exercise, healthy food choices, sleep, a meditative practice, etc. Unfortunately those things are often in conflict with things that we want: free time, stimulating food, exciting nights out, an ample amount of social media, etc. This is not a call for all things in moderation nor is it a finger waging sermon about how you must choose only from the “need” column. I’m not your mom or your dad for that matter. Your choices are your own. All I am here to point out is that the cake that you’re producing is based on the ingredients.

Your life is a sum total of the choices that you’ve made up until this point. Some of it has been DNA and parenting but it’s more than likely that you could counteract those forces on some level. Most of it is the daily ingredients that you are adding, subtracting or maintaining. There are few hard and fast rules about what a person should be putting into their life. I know people who need a lot more baking soda and others who need more Pepsi. It’s not an exact science much like baking there is a bit of artistry to it. Yes there are measurements and instructions but the people who do it best tend to “eyeball” it. Following someone else’s recipe will get you similar results but that may not be the right thing for you.

The main thing is that you want to be conscious of the ingredients that you are putting in. Too often people want a particular result but it requires need and they are busy choosing their wants. No doubt substitutions can be made but they have to make sense. Pepsi and baking soda are not the same thing! Don’t allow yourself to believe that they are. Instead, decide what it is that you truly want and stick to the recipe! It’s usually not a matter of not knowing. It’s a matter of being willing to do what you know!

Enjoy!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Was a Bad Homecoming Date

Pete Huryk

In my junior year of high school, I got asked to the homecoming dance by a senior in my trigonometry class. She was a really nice person that I got along with but I didn’t navigate the concept of going as her date well. Everything from showing up separately to only spending the very beginning of the dance with her, I was a pretty crappy date. As a foolish high schooler, it was easy enough to justify in my head and also distract myself with other people. At this point, it is barely even a memory other than the fact that I was not a good date. The Crosby, Stills and Nash song “Love the One You’re With” tends to remind me of this situation. Not because a teenage version of me should have “loved” the one I was with. At bare minimum, I should have either had the courage to say no or live up to my side of the bargain. This discussion of high school regret is not all about self-flagellation.

Not actually from the dance in question. This was a Christmas dance freshman year. I think I was an ok date for this one.

Our lives are filled with options. We have an almost infinite number of choices that we make through our lifetimes. In the time that we live, it is easier than ever to look at other people’s situations with envy. Social media is filled with lives that seem to be photoshopped to look perfect and they mainly are. The downtimes and troubles are rarely on display. So it can be easy to wish that you had a different “date” at the dance of life. Fortunately (in my opinion) you don’t get to trade and you need to “love the one you’re with.”

The beauty of this date that you have is that they are not stagnant. They can get better with time. However it is up to you to make your “date” better. The only way to improve your “date” is to be a better version of yourself. If you’re not happy with how it’s going, you’re the one who has to change. You don’t get to “trade up”! This is the one that you’ve got. So love the one that you’ve got while always trying to get better at dancing, conversing, relating and loving. No one else is going to steal you away! You’re all you’ve got and that’s a great thing!

Be a good date!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Define Yourself

Pete Huryk

If you look up any word in the dictionary, you will read a variety of other words that are used to represent that item, idea or whatever. So understanding that definition is dependent upon knowing the other words. It’s an odd kind of shell game. There are also other words that we feel like we know what they mean. But without a dictionary in hand, if we were asked for a definition, it would be a struggle to come up with one. We just know. Much like a dumbbell, there is a balance to be struck with the things that are dependent upon others in order to have meaning and things that just are.

High School Soccer from Senior Year
It may look foolish now but at the time, we LOVED these jerseys!

As human beings, we are often trying to make sense of things. We are looking for meaning in a largely random set of circumstances and characters. Sometimes we use the dictionary approach. Our meaning is dependent upon others. Things that could be easily represented to people. At times, the more intuitive route “feels” right. We do not know how to explain it but our decisions seem to have a cosmic GPS that we couldn’t really explain to someone else.

I’ve had both experiences and cannot say wholeheartedly that either is 100% correct. They each have their advantages and disadvantages. At a certain point though, you need to be you. Defining that completely externally is dangerous because it can end with losing yourself. The completely intuitive route can ignore vital information in favor of feelings that may be misguided. It would be a lot easier if we had a map but then we would lose the joy of “figuring it out.” Our lives are largely lived in duality. Too much certainty is boring and too much uncertainty is chaos, not fun.

At the moment, we’re going through a tough time. A lot of the paths that we believed were important are becoming less so. A deluge of readily available “information” has made us doubt ourselves on a variety of fronts from how we look to our health and well-being. Within all of this turmoil, each of us must try to define who we are. This is a constant process that requires a bit of thought and some trust that you’re going to get it right eventually. The definition of who you are is not showing up in a dictionary and thank god! You get to figure out who you want to be over and over again. Take the time to get to know you, so maybe you can define you.

None of this will be on the quiz!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Someone Is Coming After You!

Pete Huryk

It sounds almost sinister if you put the wrong inflection in your voice when you say it. Horror movies find a way to make this idea last for almost two hours. A series of jump scares and near misses that bring the hairs on our arms to stand up straight. The panic that comes with the idea of some shrouded figure who is following our footsteps is almost palpable. But what if they meant you no harm? What if they didn’t even know that you existed? They were just someone who is coming after you. When you are gone, they will show up and they mean you no ill will. If they are not coming in order to hurt you, would you be willing to do the little things that will keep you from hurting them?

This thought experiment was brought on because I tripped on a dumbbell in our gym yesterday. I was the first person to enter in the morning. The lights were off and the weight was right in front of the door. It ended up ok. I didn’t end up on the ground or impaling myself on any of the nearby metal. The person, who left that weight there, just forgot that “someone is coming after you.” They gave no thought to the fact that I would be there in the early morning and could have gotten truly hurt. No malice, just indifference.

At this point in history, we seem to have forgotten that this moment that we are living in was created by a lot of people who knew someone was coming after them. No doubt mistakes were made and there was carelessness on their part at times. The recognition of the future was key. The future seems to be coming so fast that it has pressed itself directly onto the present. We seem to have trouble remembering the next people who will be here. Are we leaving something behind that they will actually want or be able to use? Or have we decided that our moment is so important that leaving a mess is our right?

More than likely, it is in our best interest to remember the people that are coming after us. We should be leaving them gifts to find rather than messes to clean up. It’s a force multiplier if everyone does it. The good will moving forward allows for others to be “infected” by it. If each of us is able to see the gifts from those before and remember that someone is coming after us, then the world becomes a better place to live on a regular basis. It’s not our moment that is most important. It is just most important to us. Giving a portion of it to the people coming after shows respect to the people who built our present.

They are coming! But it doesn’t need to be scary for either of us.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Turn On The Bat Signal!

Pete Huryk

If you want Batman to show up, then turn on the Bat Signal. It’s not a difficult thing to figure out when you live in Gotham City. There is only one superhero with a signal that the commissioner has at his disposal. However, what if there were lots of signals? Not just for the heroes but also for the villains, sidekicks and everyone in between. Depending on what signals you put out into the world, you could have the entire population of Arkham Asylum on your doorstep. Or you could attract the “Caped Crusader” and Boy Wonder. The key would be putting out the right signals.

Obviously there aren’t a lot of winged vigilantes hanging around looking for spotlights in the clouds. However, you are putting out signals all the time. The world is picking many of them up and people are reacting to your signals whether you realize it or not. If your world is full of villains, is it possible that you’ve called them into your life?

I waiver back and forth on exactly how strong the powers of our intentions are. At times they seem to be “all powerful”, a single thought of an old friend seems to cause a text message or phone call to come my way. Other times, it seems like the signals just aren’t getting through. Either my spotlight isn’t turned on or Batman isn’t looking. Regardless of what is floating out there in the ether, we are sending a variety of signals throughout the day.

  • Texts and emails – They are probably the most pervasive messaging that we send out at the moment. When was the last time that you audited: Who you’re sending messages to? What are you saying? What’s your tone? Would you want to get a message from you?
  • Words – These come in combination with the next category but they are extremely important. Not simply because other people hear them but because you’re hearing yourself say them. They are double signals! They go to yourself and your audience. Be careful how you use these signals because they can repel or attract equally well.
  • Body language – This is a crucial signal that needs attention. Eye contact, body posture, hand movement, etc. can all play a part in attracting the forces of good or evil toward you. Or sending the message to stay away! It can be difficult to see yourself in the moment. So consider practicing in front of the mirror. It’s almost stupid enough of an idea to work!
  • Mental messages – If this is too “woo woo” for you, then move on. I’ve already said that I waiver on how strong this can be. It’s one of those things that is not reliable enough to be scientific but at the same time I’ve seen enough evidence to believe there is something to it. Our intentions have power! I’m just not sure how much!

These are just some of the signals that are available to you. There are also: smoke, dress, scent and more. Regardless of whether you are conscious of the signals that you’re sending, they are out there and people are receiving them. The main thing is sending the right messages. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t assume that the message that you want to send and the one that is received are one in the same. This requires some detective work on your part. It may be cumbersome (good song) but it’s worth the time and effort.

Holy subliminal messages Batman! Be loud and clear!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Yellow Mayonnaise

Pete Huryk

It’s not like yellow snow which is extremely different from regular snow. Yellow mayonnaise is simply an amazing concoction that left in an unnecessary ingredient, egg yolks. Let’s start from the beginning, mayonnaise is amazing! Not because of the taste which people are allowed to have their own opinion on. Mayonnaise is amazing because it is scientific marvel! When asked if you want oil and vinegar on your sub sandwich or mayonnaise, it’s not really a choice. In both instances, you’re getting oil and vinegar! The only difference is that the mayonnaise has taken two things that don’t mix and forced them together through an emulsifier, egg whites. It is amazing! But it’s usually white. I didn’t experience yellow mayo until I visited Ecuador. The family that I lived with served yellow mayo and I was intrigued. The taste was mostly the same but it wasn’t normal.

Normal is something that seems to have been taken away from us in many ways. Some things are being described as “new normal” while people more often long for the “old normal.” Regardless of which camp you fall into, normal suggests some level of expectation. A way that things are supposed to be, otherwise there is reason to be upset. While this is all perfectly reasonable, how much should the outside world be dictating whether things are normal or not? Since we are largely the ones that are making the “mayo”, shouldn’t we be deciding if yellow is acceptable in times where white isn’t available? Of course by “making the mayo” I’m referring to the internal processes of physiology, focus and internal dialogue that determine so much of how we feel. It’s easy to forget that we are mixing the ingredients as they come in. NORMAL is only partially dependent upon the outside world. Accepting the “yolks” is largely up to us.

So start by remembering this! Just like mayonnaise, YOU ARE AMAZING! You’re a beautiful mixture of physical matter, intelligence, spirit and a lot of other ingredients that has been bound together into this wonderful package. There will be times when you don’t feel like the miracle that you are. That’s ok! Not all mayo is pristine white. Not every day is perfect. Not every thought that you have will be bright and sunny. Sometimes the only thing that we notice is the exterior that looks different than we expect and forget that inside you’re a miracle! You are yellow mayonnaise.

Just don’t spread yourself too thin! Hahaha (dad joke)

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You Are Here

Pete Huryk

They are really quite useful! Maps with that drawing or sticker that tell you exactly where you are on the map. It gives you a frame of reference for your future movement. Whether in a shopping mall, amusement park or any other area with twists and turns, this added feature to a helpful guide to the territory can be invaluable.

In the real world though, there is rarely an indicator of this sort. Sure we generally know where we are geographically but in a larger context, we’re often lost! There are traditions and conventions that we may follow. Paths that others have trodden which gives us some assurance of success. However it’s not the precision of a map with our exact location of the moment spelled out for us.

At the moment, I have no idea if this is the blogpost that will skyrocket me to stardom. I don’t even know if that is on the map nor if that would get me closer to my goal of helping people. Since there is no map, it’s even more important to have a compass. Something that helps you know if you’re heading in the right direction. Do you have yours? If not, it’s worth developing or considering. Getting lost is part of most journeys but losing yourself shouldn’t be. Define for yourself the direction that you’re heading so that when you reach obstacles, you understand why you must get past them.

There will probably not be a convenient map for you to follow through your life. Life is rarely set up for your convenience. However if you set yourself up with the right tools for keeping you on track, you won’t even need the sticker because you’ll know “You are here!”

Find yourself today!

Pete

Uncategorized

The Size of Your Cell

Pete Huryk

Today the family and I visited Alcatraz Island. Despite the very moving exhibit about the Native American occupation of the island, our main purpose for the visit was the prison. This was my second visit to “The Rock” but it was my children’s first. It’s easy to forget how small the cells are and the solitary life that must have been led by the prisoners. Surely their past actions put them into that position. However can’t that be said about all of us? The size of the cells in Alcatraz was 5 feet by 9 feet. How big is the cell that confines each of us? Are we only confined by the limits of our imaginations? Or is the size of our cell around 3 inches by 6 inches?

It easy and enticing to believe that we’re not confined by anything. The optimist inside of me would love to believe that we are all limitless, no bars, no guards, no walls to keep us in. Largely that could be true if it weren’t for us. We confine ourselves, punish ourselves and obstruct ourselves. The prison around us is man made but the man or (wo)man who made it, is also the prisoner. This knowledge is important but not liberating. It can help us to see past the bars and wall but escape is not particularly any simpler. Depending on how old you are, those impediments seem as real as the stone and steel of Alcatraz.

There is still debate about whether or not anyone ever escaped from Alcatraz. There is no debate that people escape their self-made prisons every day. The question is how far they get and whether or not they lock themselves back up in the same cell with the same number. It’s possible for you to make it! You don’t need to use a spoon from the commissary to tunnel through concrete. The escape plan needs to center around you and the amount of freedom that you’ll allow yourself to believe in. No one is stopping you! Unlock the cell and walk out! Freedom awaits but you need to believe.

Let’s go!

Pete