Blogpost, self-reliance

Fair’s NOT Coming to Town

CottonCandyWith summer almost here, it almost time cotton candy, hot dogs, games and fun.  Unfortunately fair’s not coming to town.  The trucks, the rides and treats might all show up for a few days but there will be kids and adults alike expecting fair.  Johnny whose cotton candy is smaller than his sister’s cries about fair.  The father who remembers when the ticket for a ride was a quarter, not a dollar will complain about fair.  The Scrambler operator will hear about the pay that his friends get at their jobs and wish for fair.  Fair is not coming to town because it’s usually a one sided proposition.

When dealing in many of life’s currencies, it is smart and possibly necessary to pay attention to equity.  At times this should be pedestrian and others miserly.  Regardless the perception of fair comes from the perceived value exchange.  Time, money, love, gold, loyalty and a slew of other currencies trade at different values for each individual.  There is no standard exchange rate.  Even in monetary terms, there is constant fluctuation in the value of the dollar vs. the yen vs. the pound.  Fair is not coming, it needs to be created.

The world is operating on a deficit in many currencies.  The problem is that many people are miserly with currencies that are infinite.  The ones that we individually create.  So therefore we cannot run out of them.  Love, empathy, friendship, etc. are worth giving away in the hopes of creating more.  Determining a level of fair exchange is individual but why hoard these currencies?  We (the world) benefit from their free exchange.  Hatred, malice, jealousy, etc. are also infinite but should be wielded with great caution.  They tend to injure and despite our great civilizations, we are still animals.  Wounded animals tend to cower or lash out.  Both perpetuate a black market exchange that corrupts the soul.

Fair is not coming to town.  Your exchanges are bound to be imperfect and unbalanced.  The question is; do you feel proud of your balance sheet?  The sum total of your life cannot be measured in dollars and cents.  It can be estimated whether or not your life made sense.  Philanthropist, miser or tyrant is your choice to make and it will be decided by your actions.  Is that fair?

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Buying Life Condoms

LifeCondomIn high school in the 90’s, it was difficult not to be bombarded with the safe sex talk of that era.  The positive test of Magic Johnson with HIV gave a famous face to a disease that had not fully hit mainstream awareness.  Many actions were taken to help protect young people from their hormones.  Not least of all the education system’s attempt to prepare us with lessons about condoms.  I remember very plainly Mr. Vellucci, my bio teacher, asking us if we understood how condoms worked.  Or did we need him to demonstrate using a banana as he had been instructed to do.  It was all very well intentioned and I’m sure that it worked to some degree.  Unfortunately with the widespread use of the internet and mass media, our children need to be protected again from a disease that threatens to kill every last one of them: LIFE.

Luckily major efforts have been made around the country and the globe to protect young people from this abomination.  Teachers, parents and coaches have been instructed to protect all children from failure, disappointment and reality at all costs.  Falls, cuts, scrapes, risks, chances, expectations and a slew of LIFE’s other cohorts must be eradicated with extreme prejudice.  Keeping our kids safe is JOB #1.  Allowing them to live and learn fall near the bottom of the list behind getting into a good college, winning many trophies, being perfect and so many other things that are put on their schedules.  What we need now are some Life Condoms!  A protective covering that will keep out all negatives.  Just need to find a new substance because someone is bound to be allergic to latex and sheepskin doesn’t protect anyone from anything.  At this point, I feel the need to stop because I’m afraid that there is a mother someplace who is reading thinking “This sounds like a GREAT idea!”

Life is a messy business.  We come into this world screaming, covered in blood, unable to speak, read, write or walk.  Despite this introduction through chaos, there is an expectation that life is supposed to get cleaner, neater and follow specific guidelines.  The truth is that the human animal was made for the rugged battles of the natural world.  We seem to be more susceptible to the trappings of comfort and fortune rather than hard circumstances.  Adopting a Spartan lifestyle is probably not necessary but a healthy dose of reality is probably in order.  Letting a young person tie their own shoe laces, make their own dinner, fight their own battles is not particularly a bad thing.

The life condom doesn’t exist but based on the complaints I hear regularly, some wish it did.  They want their parents, the government, the president, their teacher or any other official power figure to step up and fix their life for them.  Eventually these desires are going to come up empty.  No one is going to take care of you indefinitely.

So since it will be on you at some point, why not cut the complaining?  Take over the parts of your life that should absolutely belong to you and run with them.  Nothing is going to start out perfect and it never will be if you don’t do your part.  Complaining problems away seems like a bad strategy and a poor way to live.  Life was meant to be messy.  Get over it!  Dust yourself off, clean up your wounds and move on.  Otherwise go looking for a life condom but that truly is like taking a shower with a raincoat on.  Most of the joy in life is found in the things that we never expected to happen.

Don’t protect yourself out of the best parts of life.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Care Enough to Lose

IMG_2192It was January 2nd 2003.  A clever little trick of mine to always remember the day that I proposed to my wife 1/2/03.  As I waited in her apartment with dinner ready and candles lit, I was extremely nervous.  That feeling was only compounded when she arrived.  Then I started to ask and I could feel my legs shaking.  This was gut-wrenching but necessary.  The fear and the nerves came from risk.  The risk of putting myself out there and the possibility that the answer could be “no”.  It ended up going in my favor but I think that risk is an important factor to the things that really matter.  You need to care enough to be willing to lose.

Perhaps it is part of being American or the popular culture of my youth but the idea of the underdog or long shot is ingrained within me.  The Rocky movies were an unofficial soundtrack to my young life.  The story of a nobody fighter who takes on the undefeated champion.  He knows that he is going to lose before the fight even happens.  That is the risk that the people who truly care must take.  The men who signed the Declaration of Independence knew the risk of the pen strokes but chanced the loss of life for something greater.  Elon Musk risked the wealth he had accrued in order to start a solar energy company, an electric car company and a space company.  Each venture had very long odds.  Those odds are not the ones taken on by a man looking to turn a quick profit.  They are the risk of a man who cares about the change he wanted to make in the world.  These are just three examples of caring enough to risk losing.

I’ve heard it too many times to count “What grade do I need to get on this quiz to bring my grade up to a __________?”  The lack of the math skills from my young students is not the most troubling part.  The most disheartening part of this question is the refusal to put forth any effort until a concrete exchange has been mentally negotiated.  Effort will only be employed if the target seems reasonably attainable.  This is not a statement about educational malaise or the disconnect between schools and our modern society.  It is a reflection on a pervasive attitude toward loss.  No one should fail.  The ref or the coach cost us the game.  The aversion to loss seems to be correlated to risk of losing one’s self.  If I give my all and fail, then I am not worthy and that is too much to bear.

In a world where we are better insulated from death than ever before in history, it is the death of our image of ourselves that we seem to fear most.  Much like the avatars that represent us online, we have created mental pictures of who we are.  Most of us will defend that image regardless of its accuracy or usefulness.  Playing within the boundaries of that existence may be comfortable but is the lack of risk truly safe?  More than likely the risks that truly matter are worth taking because they force us to stretch.  Reaching out into the void is not a failure if it is done with true intention.  Failing to reach out is the bigger loss because the possibility of knowing yourself better and having what you actually wanted is left on the table.  Don’t aim to lose but don’t only play if you know you’re going to win.  All of the true joy on the back end lies in the fact that you risked yourself on the front end.

Put yourself on the line today!

Pete

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The Credit

arenaFor most of my life, I’ve had a portion of Teddy Roosevelt’s speech at the Sorbonne memorized.  “It is not the critic who counts… The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.”  It’s moving.  It moves me in the sense that I actually take action when I think of it, hear it in my head or in my heart.  The issue is at the moment, the critics have such a large megaphone that it becomes hard to hear our heads and our hearts.  The echo of other people’s point of view tends to linger, burn and even cut the ones who are actually in the arena.  The credit may belong to the man in the arena but that credit is hard earned because people want you to lose and never let you forget it.

The only thing to do is go deaf.  Deaf to the jeers, the criticisms and the negativity.  The volume of the critic does not matter if you pay no attention.  Besides the only reason the words of the critic ever penetrated is because you believed them at least partially.  Their message about you being a failure or a loser resonated with you on some level deep within.  So the inner critic is actually the one that has the power to take you down.

The way to silence the inner critic is to run.  Run straight into the arena.  Sleep there, eat there, get your ass kicked there but at least in the arena, the inner critic has to stay in the stands.  He can’t get his hands on you as long as you stay fixed in the center of the ring.  Perhaps in the end you’ll find out that the critics were right and you didn’t have the stuff.  But at least you’ll know for sure, while they’re left wondering about themselves.  Outwardly chastising but inwardly envying the chance that you took to gain the credit of the arena.

Have a great weekend!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Incomplete!

IncompleteEach week in fourth grade, we had a folder that contained all of our work.  On Friday, if you had everything done, the word ‘Complete’ was written on your folder and you got to do some craft or game.  If you didn’t have everything done, you received a note of ‘Incomplete’ and you needed to finish your work before getting any free time.  In the entire school year, I think that I was ‘Complete’ only twice.  It took me most of the year to finish my macrame owl due to my limited free time.  I’m quite certain that I only passed fourth grade by the skin of my teeth.  Perhaps I should have (or continue) to feel badly about my incomplete track record or tendency.  The fact of the matter is that I don’t.

Having been raised catholic, part of the prayer for the confession of sins always hit me hardest was be sorry for the things that “I have left undone”.  That’s a long list, even for the most accomplished person in the world.   There are many things that each of us leaves undone everyday.  Should this be a point guilt or shame?  Probably not.  People are not meant to be machines focused on efficiency.  We have choice and can decide what is worth doing.  That discernment of the value in activity should be exercised regularly.

The things that we choose or choose not to do are the elemental level of who we are as people.  None of us is incomplete.  Our choices may not meet with the standards of others but incomplete; NEVER!  You are what you do and the person who must set the standard is YOU.  The world is out there, waiting to see what you’ll do.  Go show it.

Make it a complete day on your terms!

Pete

 

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“I Am Groot” Being Loud and Clear

GrootLast night I saw Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 with my son. (No spoilers, don’t worry!)  One of the central characters in the Guardians series is Groot.  He is a slightly simple-minded creature who can only say one thing “I am Groot”.  Luckily his partner, Rocket, is extremely adept at understanding and deciphering his message.  While Groot is often the star of the show, Rocket makes him accessible to everyone.

Although we are speaking the same language, the words that are said and the way that they are interpreted are two different things.  Relationships depend heavily on language (both spoken and unspoken).  If you want to be understood in any relationship, seek first to understand.  Most of us are trying so hard to get our message out, that we forget to put the receivers up.  Better listening (and reading of body language) can make you a more effective communicator.

It’s fine to say “I am Groot” if you’re talking to Rocket.  The problem comes when someone else needs to understand.  Then it’s on you to be clear.  No one will be as invested in your message as you are.  So put the effort into becoming a better messenger, rather than turning up the volume on your message.

Pete

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Small Amoeba Syndrome

The life of the single celled organism, the amoeba, must be tough.  In order to survive, it needs to change its shape in order to “absorb” its food.  It is the ultimate “go-getter” in the microscopic universe.  It’s survival is completely predicated on how much and how often it “puts itself out there”.  A lazy amoeba would be a dead amoeba.

amoebaLiving in the world of higher order organisms, we are not as dependent on stretching ourselves in order to survive.  In fact over the past century we’ve been rewarded for being small amoebas.  Stretching or standing out was discouraged.  Get good grades, get into a good college, do your job and follow the rules.  Being a small amoeba is not as smart as it used to be.  The systems that rewarded the small amoeba are breaking down all over the place and we’re being asked to stretch again.

The opportunities to stretch are all around.  The problem is the same as the amoeba “Am I stretching in a direction that will help me survive?”  The trial an error method is probably a big part of the amoeba’s life and may be required of you.  This is uncomfortable.  The old system was predictable, repeatable and safe.  Even becoming a big amoeba only required adherence to the system that almost told you where to stretch.

The question is not whether the world will require you to stretch or not.  The question is whether you’ll allow yourself to be stretched, pulled apart or reach of your own volition.  Do you believe that you are a small amoeba with very defined limits?  Or are you consistently able to reach out into the void and find what you need and stretch yourself?  You are much less rigid than you think.  Most of your limits are not based on DNA but rather WTT (Willingness To Try).  The old rule book is slowly being torn apart.  You don’t need to go with it.  Reach out into the void and see what you get.  Then do it again!

Keep the Nucleus Strong!

Pete

 

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Human -ing

Human ingThe act of being human is not always an easy one.  Despite all of our advantages, we still run into plenty of obstacles and potholes.  There is an odd feeling that I have inside that I am more than one person.  I’ve written before about my fascination with a scene from Lord of the Rings that personifies that internal struggle.  However today I’m thinking of a much more strategical breakdown to the human animal.  We are all in a constant cycle of -ing.

Human Being – This is our general state.  Much like an idling car, we all have our own base state.  This may be influenced by outside factors but in general it is within our capacity to control.  Who are you being on a regular basis?  The -ing is important because it is a present progressive.  Who you’ve been in the past is not important.  The present is a new choice for you to be.

Human Meaning – As we are being our way through the day, things are going to happen.  It is inevitable.  Humans are not always objective creatures.  We generally put meaning onto the things that happen.  Something happened, that means; I’m going to be late, people appreciate me, I’m worthless, it’s a complete success or a million other things that we’ve made up in our own heads.  Since the stories inside of our heads about the meanings behind things are completely made up by us, then wouldn’t it be intelligent to give things a meaning that helps us?  As the writer of your own programming, this seems the most sensible thing to do.

Human Doing – Once we’ve put ourselves into a position for a successful day by being in a winning state.  Then putting the most helpful meaning onto all external events.  The only -ing left is what to do.  Doing is the end step that brings the cycle back around.  There is definitely enough evidence around to support the fact that the internal human game is extremely important.  However we were always meant to be creatures of action.  Man was meant to MANufacture, MANifest, MANage and MANeuver through this world to greater heights.

So as you are going through your day.  Pay attention to the -ing that you are in.  Are you being in your best interest?  Is the meaning that you give to your circumstances helpful?  And especially, what are you doing with what you have?  It won’t always be perfect but that’s alright because you weren’t meant to be either.  My hope is that you’re at least progressing!

Have a great day!

Pete

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Your Part of You’re Problem

ObesityIt’s Mr. Baxter from 7th grade science class that started my tendency toward being a spelling/grammar Nazi.   Two times receiving a 99.5% based on spelling errors was enough frustration to get me to pay attention.  I fully recognize that language is a fluid and live thing.  Every day we can influence it for the better or worse.  Outside of church, very few people are using “thine” and “thou”.  These words have been morphed and replaced with their more recent counterparts.  Change is not my concern.  It is laziness and apathy.

Widespread education and technological advances have democratized access to knowledge and the overwhelming response of the public has been indifference.  There was a time in this country when only a select few could hope to become educated.  The huge supply of knowledge seems to have caused an equally huge plummet in demand.  While this lowering of expectation has happened in the realm of language, it is just as obvious in personal health, civic responsibility and many other areas of life.  As the challenges of life have become easier, we seem to be less inclined to meet them head on.  Instead we have found a degree of comfort in social proof.  If “everyone else” is holding a low standard, then it makes us feel that we are OK.

What if you were the one to hold the line for yourself?  Not to tell the world that it is wrong but to do what is right for yourself and those around you.  If you held the line on your health, your marriage, your relations with people or yourself; what kind of a ripple effect could you have on your family, community or even the world?  Even if no one else took up your particular cause, how would it feel to be the answer to your own problem?  Deciding for yourself, exactly what you would and would not stand for could be liberating.  Rather than looking at those around you to find the path of least resistance, you could look inward to find the strength to hack out a new trail.  Our world is filled with more possibility and less hardship than every before, so are you going to sit there and bask in the glow of what our forefathers built?  Or are you going to do your own work?  The choice is yours!  And that is probably the biggest kicker of all, we get to choose to step up or not.

So I hope that you find within yourself a desire for better than most.  Be a leader by doing first.  Utherwhys whee May knot bee aybl two reklame wut weave lust!

Make today better.

Pete

 

 

Blogpost, self-reliance

Biting the Cow’s Ass

GalileoIf you go to a fine restaurant and order a steak, you will probably enjoy a fine meal and receive no side-ward glances from anyone.  The location and timing are everything.  On some level you must realize that months earlier, that steak was part of cow.  If you got dressed up, went out into the field and bit the cow’s ass, you’d definitely get a reaction especially from the cow.  There’s a place and time for almost everything.  Getting that combination right is the difference between being cheered and ridiculed.  To a certain extent, Galileo was considered a “cow-biter”.  The things that he was saying and doing were so far ahead of their time that no one understood them.  He was even excommunicated from the church for his beliefs.  People were not ready to hear what he was saying because they were too invested in their worldview.

The entire world is never going to cheer or ridicule you but it feels that way when those close to you do either.  In order to become the best version of yourself, you will need to change some things.  While some may be subtle, others may be drastic and misunderstood by your “world” (friends, family, colleagues).  The people close to you are invested in who you are now.  That better version of you is something that they might not be ready for.  Your actions may force them to see things in themselves that they do not like.  That’s not your burden to bear.  It is your job to decide if you’re a cow-biter or Galileo.

Can you see a future that you want to create for yourself?  If you’re a true believer in that future, then don’t worry about the people who think you’re a cow-biter.  They are invested in your yesterday and you’re using today to build a better tomorrow.

Sink your teeth into today!

Pete