It was slurred and almost incoherent but that was the message that a teammate relayed to me during my freshman year soccer season. I’m not exactly sure what the message was intended to do. Was I supposed to change my ways and start drinking at that moment? Was I supposed to be hurt by the lack of respect that I was getting from him? I’m not sure but the message was emphatic and clear (well, minus the slurring.)
There are bound to be people out there who have a completely different worldview to you. Their up is your down and your right is their wrong. The easiest thing in the world is to dismiss their thoughts. Or even worse, dismiss them completely. It takes absolutely no effort. Curiosity about how they came to their conclusions takes effort. A conversation about it would be uncomfortable. And acknowledging any validity to their stance might undermine your self-image. It’s just easier to dismiss or even hate.
It’s easier but it probably doesn’t make anything better. We need people on this team. The entire system works better if we’re all heading in a similar direction. And the dynamic tension between opposing ideas often helps us get to a better solution. Beer drinkers and non-beer drinkers can coexist to find a better way forward. Actually, it’s the only way forward.
This week is an opportunity for the young POSH squad to perform under the spotlight. Wrexham on Saturday brings extra attention due to their owners and media attention. Having been at the Sunderland match years ago when they were doing their docuseries, it’s easy for a match to end up on the cutting room floor because it doesn’t fit the narrative of the show. Then the trip to Liverpool in order to play Everton brings a very real amount of attention due to the magic of the FA Cup. The problem that most people have with the spotlight is the prospect of “failure”. It’s why public speaking is often feared at a near death level. Mistakes are a part of life but when they are public, they can be crushing. But it’s all practice… erm… I mean training.
Father vs Son Rivalry too!
My son and I won’t be at Goodison for this one
but we’ll be watching!
This season is all about “on the job” training. Players are being asked to perform at levels with consistency before they’re really ready. This is a tall order. Thousands of people watching and every moment being scrutinized can cause chinks in the armor of the most confident person. This week will accentuate that situation. Extra cameras, extra pressure, extra scrutiny, extra stakes and extra opportunity to learn.
In my first year, and I believe my first week, as a teacher, I was talking about the assignment for the day. I kept switching between referring to the paper as a sheet, then ditto, sheet, ditto, then it came out “shitto”. In a room of 26 sixth graders, they thought this was hilarious and burst out laughing. I just had to move on. Just like every career in the world, OTJ training is where you learn the most. Four years of college, seminars about teaching, student teaching experiences, lesson planning, etc. NEVER had the concept of cursing in front kids when I was the adult had ever entered my mind. These mistakes need to happen because you’re not ready for everything yet. None of us is “born ready”. We’re all born naked and afraid. Yet we press on.
The POSH young guns are not performing consistently at the moment. They’re naked and many are afraid. They weren’t born/bought ready. On the job training is the only way for them to get past it. It’s the best way for them to learn. In the arena! Performers are in there. Just not consistent performers yet. I hope that it’s this week in the spotlight they find the determination to keep their nerve and concentration for 90+ minutes. While most people fear the spotlight because they anticipate the fall, those who dare to be great want the spotlight to see them take off into flight!
This morning, I was walking my dog. In the freezing temperature, the grass was covered with frost. With the moon shining down, the frost twinkled as if there were hundreds of stars on the ground. It’s not an odd occurrence. In the wintertime, this same set of circumstances probably happens hundreds of times. For some reason, it caught my eye and made me think about people. The stars on the ground weren’t the bright producers of light in the sky. They were just a reflection! People often do the same thing. They don’t shine with the brilliance to be seen from a distance. They’re a dim reflection of possibility.
This is not a finger wagging post, saying that we all should be burning brightly. That’s a tall order. The amount of energy and circumstances needed to make a real star or a human kind are numerous. So if that’s your ambition, by all means, I’m neither encouraging nor discouraging that level fire. Quite to the contrary, I want to put the attention to the stars on the ground. The normal ones that happen often.
Despite the fact that they are semi-ordinary, they are still beautiful. I’m talking about both the reflective bits of ice and the people in this world. You probably know some of them or might be one of them. The people who make the world… your world just a little bit better. They shine at times when it’s needed. They shine when it’s unexpected. They probably also shine when they’re not sure if they can anymore. These everyday creators of magic are all around us!
If you notice one today, take a moment and let them know. The stars in the sky are far beyond our reach. They’ll never know we were here gazing up at them. The stars on the ground are well within our reach!
At the height of their popularity, I had no choice but to listen to the New Kids on the Block. Not only were they pervasive on radio and MTV, my girlfriend at the time was a huge fan. Their catchy tunes and “boyish” good looks were a recipe for success at the time. If we fast forward to the present day, I’m sure that the members look at their former selves and feel at least a twinge of embarrassment. Either the clothes, the hair, the songs, the videos, or any other part of their success could definitely feel a little cringy. Back track a few words! That’s right. Success! They were a worldwide phenomena and there are still reasons to look back with a bit of embarrassment.
We’ve all done it at one point or another. Looked back at a photo, video or older version of ourselves and think “Oh my God! What was I thinking?” It was just a moment in time. Hairstyles, clothing choices, relationships, etc. can all cause a twinge of discomfort with what used to be so natural.
If we come back to the present moment, there are bound to be things that you are doing now that your future self will gasp at. It’s an inevitability! So why not press a bit harder on that button. At the moment, there are probably things that you’re not doing because of a certain amount of embarrassment. Asking out that person, starting a business, asking for a promotion, or a number of other things could be put to the back burner because you don’t want to look foolish now. There’s going to be a certain amount of the present you that embarrasses future you but there is a feeling worse than that… REGRET!
Embarrassment is not an overly strong emotion. It tends to fade pretty quickly. Regret tends to linger. It’s the long term price that you pay for not acting in the moment. It corrodes because there is a gnawing feeling that things could have been different. If you’re willing to become immune to embarrassment, maybe you’ll be able to avoid regret. It won’t be easy but you can take it “Step by Step”.
From time to time, I delve back into old video games for a stress reliever (or procrastination tool). One of my favorite throwbacks is the original “Legend of Zelda”. It’s familiar with a few challenges along the way. Especially in the later levels, some doors are two way and others are one way doors. Meaning that some doors you can go through and decide to turn back (two way doors) while others once you’re through, you can’t go back (one way). In quite a few instances, going through the wrong one way door can force you onto a long path to get back to the same spot. Needless to say, recognizing the difference between one way and two way doors is crucial to success.
Recently, I listened to an episode of Impact Theory with one of the founders of Netflix who talked about this concept in business. Even though he was looking at it from a business context, it’s a powerful concept to use in life. Some doors are one way doors and you can never come back.
The problem is not the fact that one way doors exist. More often it’s our inability (unwillingness) to recognize one way doors before we walk through them. That decision to cheat, say a hurtful thing, take that extra drink, not send the message, etc. can all be one way doors because you can’t get back. The unseen (or not respected) consequences are looming out there. Even though we may not want them, we invite them in through our own actions. And just like Zelda, often by the time that you realize it’s a one way door, it’s too late! My general disposition in this world is a positive one. So, I want to offer up a more proactive spin on one way doors because two way doors already inherently have a “get back” quality.
The other thing that is possible is to create one way doors for yourself. Having the self-discipline to go in a direction and never look back. People do it all the time for positive reasons. Turning their back on alcohol, drugs, sweets or other anchoring forces. Recognizing this ability is extremely powerful. Being a creator of one way doors means that you have self-control. The ability to say something and stand by it. Being a person who can keep their commitments, not just to other people but to yourself. That means that you’re not a victim of circumstances but rather a creator of circumstances. It becomes much easier to navigate life when you know what you will and will not do.
There are thousands (possibly millions) of opportunities in front of you. How you will proceed is up to you. Not every door is a two way door. So before you leap through that opening, look at where it will take you and maybe look at who you’ll be after you step through. You’re always the product that you’re working on and you’re on the adventure of a lifetime! Your lifetime!
Quite possibly the easiest dance in the world because it’s not really dancing. It’s standing in front of someone that you may or may not like and leaning in one direction then the other. After that, there’s some variation possible. The counterclockwise turn as you sway was my specialty. Holding the person close or at a distance was based on the relationship. There was one guy that I knew in high school who would hold his girlfriend close and just stand!?!?! So foolish but he was a football star, so no one ever called him on it. The dance itself was never the problem. It was the asking!
Times have changed and I’m not sure if slow dancing even happens anymore at school events. The emotional turmoil caused by rejection may be just too much for kids to deal with. Or is it exactly what they need? A cultural situation centered around low stakes instances of discomfort. The asking, being asked, rejecting, being rejected, hoping, having hopes dashed, dancing for 3 minutes with a person that you wish hadn’t asked, dancing for 3 minutes with that person that you know is out of your league but said yes anyway, etc. are all scaffolding toward those higher stakes moments. Perhaps it’s just the phase of life that I’m in but it feels like younger people are missing out. And obviously the reintroduction of this right of passage would prompt the creation of an app that would cut out the discomfort again, like Bumble or Hinge but for kids at a dance. I’m totally joking but also wouldn’t be surprised.
With all that I’ve heard in the past few years about decreases in intimate relationships among the younger generations, it feels like we’re missing out. Not on the 8th grade sway because let’s be honest, there are far better dances. It’s all of the other things that come along with real human interactions. People need to learn to be kind, put themselves out there, display confidence in the face of rejection and so many other soft skills. These may not solve all of what is ailing society but divorcing ourselves completely from risk of real interaction isn’t either. Maybe robot girlfriends and boyfriends (or botfriends?) are the answer going forward but my last century brain can’t get there yet.
For now at least, I’d love to see us putting ourselves back out there in a meaningful way. Asking out of true interest because finding that person who sways with you perfectly is a great feeling. But you’ll never know until you take the chance to cross the floor and ask!
An article from the Telegraph before the annoying pop up ads.
It took a little while to find the time to write up a post about my trip to England but here it is! The POSH Pilgrimage 2024 was a much longer and more involved trip but it created some great memories for my son and I before he left for college! Our love of football (soccer) has been one of the biggest parts of our relationship. We did as many things football as we could throughout our time there. Since his birth, I’ve been trying to convert him into a POSH fan. This trip was at least another partial attempt but I’m not sure if it worked.
The timetable of the trip was set for months due to our flights but the fixture list held us hostage for a while. Huddersfield at home was a great draw from a location perspective although the competition was going to be difficult. We arrived in Peterborough the day before the match. The city has changed a lot since my last visit. My affection for the club bleeds over into the city. So it’s interesting to return after a few years and see what growth has happened.
POSH vs Huddersfield– On match day, I got the opportunity to meet former Yellow Block personality Matthew Kisby. We met for a pint at Charters with my son and I drinking our first beer in England together. The prematch gathering was much better this time around. Last trip we went to Ebenezer’s which was a really cool place but a bit off the beaten path. London Road is still London Road regardless of what name gets slapped onto the outside. With this being my third trip, I know what it is and what it is not. The LRE keeps the noise of the fans in and it’s not the best ground in the country. However, it is the home the team that I support. So, I love it regardless!
The match was about what I could have expected. On my first trip, I saw the POSH dismantle MK Dons. Last trip we tied Sunderland on a last gasp goal. I was destined to see a loss at some point and I got it this go around. There was just that cutting edge missing to the attack but I knew that coming into the match. This season was going to be a project and I saw the beginning stages. Not disheartened in the slightest.
On Sunday, I got the opportunity to go to the training facility to watch the U18s and U16s play. It was great to see young players trying to apply the same principles as the first team. Just going to the facility was enjoyable for me because I remember the stories of players changing in their cars when they practiced at a park. The club has come a long way in the last twenty years. Despite my desire to stay and just watch as many training sessions and youth games as I could, the trip was about us seeing as much football as possible.
Sheffield Wednesday vs Plymouth– I know… I know… Sheffield Wednesday… I’m supposed to hate them due to the loss but I needed to be practical. It was the only match that worked for our schedule. I’d never been to Sheffield before despite being a fan of Def Leppard.
The time crunch between our train, to the hotel, to the match was an obstacle but we made it. The walk from the hotel to the match among Wednesday and Plymouth fan was enjoyable. Little bits of banter back and forth but nothing of concern. The ground itself was a definitive step up from London Road. Obviously, the history, fanbases, and financial backing are very different. So, it’s not a slight just a reality. The match itself was enjoyable for a neutral. Wednesday was dominant and it made for a really good atmosphere.
POSH vs Oxford United – The next stop on the pilgrimage was in Oxford. Great city to explore! The university and the other sites in the area made the visit worth it even before the match. I wish that we’d had more time to spend there but since it was a total unknown prior to our visit, I only had us there for the day before and match day.
I feel sorry for the fans of Oxford as their stadium stinks. Literally! The facility itself was fine but the odor was pretty overwhelming. This match played out much like the first. The faint continuous cheer from the POSH fans who traveled summed up the match well. Not everyone seemed ready to sign from the same song sheet. Hayes looked extremely lively but POSH couldn’t find the net and handed the result over to Oxford through mistakes. Winning my son over as a POSH fan was not working out well. Two defeats in two matches was less than ideal. It was time to move on to London for a couple days of football sightseeing.
Chaos in the Capital – The trip from Oxford to London was one of many where a train cancelation had us standing in the hall near the toilet for the trip. Arriving in London, we took the Underground and a bit of a walk to our hotel. It was one of those places tucked into a neighborhood. Upon our arrival, there was a note on the door stating that the hotel was closed down temporarily. This was a huge surprise but I sprang into problem solving mode quickly. I found a room at the Chelsea Cloisters building. It was reasonably priced and didn’t look like a bad option online. BUYER BEWARE!!! Upon our arrival at our room, I knew it wasn’t going to work and tried to either change rooms or get a refund on the room that I had been in for 5 minutes. The letting office were very nice but had no options or refund available for me.
So Luke and I went on a walk to get out of the funk that the situation had put us in. We visited Stamford Bridge’s store to pick something up for a friend who is a fan. While walking around the ground, I decided to look up the price for the hotel attached to Stamford Bridge, The Millenium and Copthorne Hotel. IT WAS ALMOST THE SAME PRICE AS THE VERY DISAPPOINTING CHELSEA CLOISTERS!!! On my phone, I made a reservation and despite paying for a hotel that I never stayed in, I was extremely happy with how things turned out. I’m not a Chelsea fan. I don’t dislike them at a Man City level but I am happy to sing the praises of their hotel. It was the best place that we stayed at our entire trip!
Since there were no matches in the later part of the week, we did stadium tours. Our tour of Hotspur Stadium was eaten up by our hotel fiasco. Now that we were housed at Stamford Bridge, doing a stadium tour only made sense. We also ventured to Craven Cottage which was my favorite stadium that we visited. From its location on the river to the historic aspects of the ground, it just has a character all its own. The construction of the new hotel makes the place a work in progress but I’m hopeful that I’ll get the chance to visit when it is all done.
This photo is taken from our seats. AMAZING!
Everton vs Brighton – For Luke, the main attraction for the trip was going to the Everton match. Acquiring tickets was a bit more difficult this time around. For our last trip, I had bought tickets through the Everton USA supporters group. Unfortunately the club changed that process and the group was no longer able to purchase tickets for American fans. Luckily, a supporter who is a season ticket holder saw my post about my trip and offered to sell me his two seats for the Brighton match. It was probably the most stressful part of the trip for me because up until we were in Oxford, I wasn’t sure if they were going to come through. Not only were the tickets transferred, they were amazing seats! I won’t list his name here but I am so thankful that he made this part of the trip a joy for Luke. He was literally “over the moon” with where we were sitting. The performance by Everton…. left a decent amount to be desired but since we had seen them thrash ManU on the first trip, he took it in stride. Of course, the POSH won in Shrewsbury! Although I would have liked to have seen it, being with Luke for his last match in Goodison was worth it.
London to go home – Due to our great experience earlier in the week, I booked our last night in London at the hotel at Stamford Bridge. There was a match on that day which added a bit of atmosphere to the place. Luke begrudgingly went with me to the area of Richmond where Ted Lasso was filmed. Despite the several complaints that we were being “such tourists”, he took some photos of me in the area. I was mildly surprised how much of the area was used in the show. Even though it was a complete tourist trap, I still loved going there.
After another great trip (not in terms of results), the one thing that probably has stuck with me the most is what Luke said after the Brighton loss. He said that he “needed” a loss like that to really solidify his fandom. It’s easy to be a fan when everything is going your way. The more difficult thing is to stick around when everything isn’t.
As a child of the 1980s, many of my thoughts are encased in characters from sitcoms and movies. I wish that I could say that William Shakespeare had a huge influence on my thought processes on love and loss but alas it is Family Ties, Cheers and Night Court. It’s not the worst thing but my references are not particularly known by the world. So you’ll have to indulge me a little as I explain.
Just to avoid any confusion, Marc Price, the actor who played Skippy is alive.
In the TV show, Family Ties, Irwin “Skippy” Handelman is the quirky neighbor to the featured family in the sitcom. The Keatons accept Skippy as an extension of their family because he is kind hearted, although slightly dimwitted by nature. While he is truly Alex’s friend (Michael J. Fox’s character), Skippy is possibly best known for having a huge crush on Mallory. His feelings for her are never reciprocated yet he presses on with little or no hope. Even his best friend, Alex, undermines other love interests that Skippy has. It has been a really long time since I’ve watched Family Ties. So this next part might be just what I want to believe. Eventually Skippy finds someone and Mallory recognizes her loss. That may not have actually happened in the show.
However there is a moment from Night Court that has stuck in my memory for years. The custodian, Art, brings Christine (Markie Post) to a function and it ends poorly. Eventually he puts it all on the line “I’d always treat you right. You would never want for anything.” Upon hearing those words, Christine gets upset. Art lets her off the hook though. It’s not Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet but it represents a part of the human condition. A man who would do anything for someone, sacrifices his own feelings for the other.
The role of the “nice guy” (or girl, this is not gender exclusive) is not an easy one to play. Decisions need to be made about what to do and there isn’t usually much wiggle room. The answer is the right thing. Sometimes that’s hard to swallow because the Skippy and Art characters of the world are not the stars. Their names are not on any marquis and they don’t usually get the girl in the end. So why do they do it? Because someone has to!
I don’t want to live in a world without the nice guy. Despite getting the distinction of “finishing last”, they tend to keep the world in balance. With self-less abandon, they go into every situation trying to do right by other people. This is not in a superhero kind of way, although Captain America could be characterized as a “nice guy”. Mostly this is done in simple ways through small actions that no one notices at first. That’s why I force myself to believe that Mallory has the recognition moment when Skippy has moved on. The nice guy tends to not get noticed until he’s gone.
My hope is that at some point, the nice guy gets his due. The Skippy characters of the world get a little bit more than a pat on the back. If you have one in your life, recognize it because they would quite literally do anything for you. That’s a great person to have around!
For the most part, finding the right path is not usually overly difficult. The things that are wanted by most people exist along an at least partially known path. Six pack abs, financial security, emotional well-being, good relationships, etc. If most people are asked, they have a directional idea of how to get to these things. The problem is not finding or knowing the path, it’s following the path consistently.
It’s easier when it’s someone else! We see the problem, the solution and all of the steps along the path in between. But as soon as it is our own lives, we get tripped up. The path seems less obvious. There are all of these things in the way! Plus the electromagnetic pull of the way that we’ve always done things! What happened to the easy solutions that you saw for everyone else? They’re still there, just covered by a layer of our own “stuff”.
Some stuff is easier to ignore or brush away than other stuff. The path is independent of what’s covering it up. It leads where it leads. Your stuff is going to push you in directions that may not help you. This is not to diminish the difficulties that people face. Some people have an avalanche’s worth of stuff that may require a lot of digging but that doesn’t change the path. It’s there under all of that rubble. The decision simply comes down to getting to the destination or not. It’s simple but not easy!!!
“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!” – Morpheus
It’s a beautiful thought isn’t it? You do something that leaves people in awe and there’s nothing left to be said! The number of times that I’ve had that in life are few and far between. The one that inspired this post involved a cornhole set and two kids who had never played before. I walked up as they missed the plank repeatedly. I asked for a bean bag and put it in the hole first throw. Mic dropped!
Most of the time we don’t get that perfect moment of success. Instead we imagine that other mic drop, where the mic is fumbled out of hand and a pitiful form of the self crawls on the stage floor in front of thousands trying to regrasp it. This mic drop is probably less likely than the first. Our mistakes are magnified in our heads and we think that “everyone” is watching.
Both mic drop moments represent an extreme where we only live briefly, if at all. Most of the time, the microphone is meant to be in hand. It’s supposed to be a tool that turns the volume up on the voice that we have. Sometimes we’re repeating the golden oldies that have been our staple since grade school. Other times we’re trying out new material that might not work. Regardless, we’re an artist putting ourselves out there.
So keep hold of the mic and belt it out as best you can. The mic drop moments don’t matter as much as what you put out into the world. It’s the performance beforehand that created the opportunity for the drop anyway. So just keep going!
Huryk Unlimited 