Tag: motivation

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Be a M.O.M.

Pete Huryk

meaningI was heartbroken!  Disappointed!  Slightly angry and my self-esteem had definitely taken a hit.  It was 1998 and my best friend and I had just returned from a month in Europe.  The trip had been amazing!  Despite the US playing horribly, Schaef and I had enjoyed a great World Cup.  We had toured England, Spain, France and Germany seeing five World Cup matches along the way.  The only downside to the trip had been that my girlfriend and I were never able to connect on the phone.  Either we were traveling or she was working but we kept missing one another.  Then when Schaef and I got home, the worst possible scenario came true.  She was breaking up with me and was possibly seeing someone else.

After a month of pure joy, I was paying the price with pure agony.  My life had basically fallen apart.  I had lost my girlfriend, my place to live (we were moving in together when I got back) and my future (in my head marriage was the next step).  Now I was left with nothing and all alone to build things back up again.  As much as I would love for the theme song from Rocky to start playing in the background and tell you that I got myself right in about a week, it took about a year.  The details of my rise from the ashes are not as important as the recognition of who/what turned me into ashes.  The person who was responsible for my agony was me and the tool that I used to inflict it upon myself was meaning.

There are many things that happen throughout life.  Although some may have positive or negative connotations to them, most are subject to interpretation.  It is not particularly the situation that causes the most pain but the meaning that we associate to the event.  My breakup meant all kinds of things at the time.  It meant that I was worthless, hopeless, helpless, lonely, a loser and a bunch of other things.    It took time to gain perspective and put new meaning onto that experience.  It was freeing, challenging, educational and the best thing for both of us.  Obviously this all came with time but it didn’t need to.  That experience did not need to be so destructive, had I been a Master of Meaning (M.O.M).

At the time, life happened to me more than I influenced it.  For better or worse, the events of my life would happen and THEY made me feel good or bad.  This is of course nonsense.  The events of our lives can influence but do not completely control how we feel.  Any event can be made to feel like it is positive or negative based on the meaning that we attach to it.  A million dollars is nothing but currency with pictures of dead presidents on it.  How someone reacts to receiving a million dollars is based completely on the meaning that they attach to it.  For many it represents possibility, happiness and freedom.  For others it means obligation, mistrust and greed.  The meaning that we put onto any event is crucial to how we feel about our lives.  Our habits of making meaning will make our lives seem like it is heading in one direction or another.  Until we take our power to decide, we are at the mercy of circumstance.  That is a difficult life to lead!

What will today mean for you?

Pete

 

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The Tabernacle

Pete Huryk

TabernacleIn one of my favorite movies, “Rounders”, there is a character with whom I identify very heavily.  Despite the movie starring Matt Damon and Edward Norton, two actors that show up continually in movies that I love, it is a secondary character played by Martin Landau that gets me every time.

For those who have not seen it, a quick synopsis with no spoilers.  Matt Damon plays a talented card player who has sworn off poker after losing big.  He is now in law school and working hard to recover from the loss.  Edward Norton is his best friend who has a troubled past and has just been released from jail.  The movie follows the two friends as they try to pay off old debts, monetary and other.  Martin Landau’s character, Abe Petrovsky, is a law professor who takes a liking to Damon’s character.

Like most characters that enthrall me, it is the reflection of myself in Petrovsky that is engaging.  Earlier in his life, he was disowned by his Jewish family because he did not believe in God.  Law eventually became his religion.  He helps Damon’s character because he feels a form of debt to those who allowed him to be who he was.

Now I am not Jewish and I have no great love for the law.  Catholicism was the chosen religion of my family when I was young.  I attended Sunday school and can recall more biblical text than is probably necessary for someone who is basically agnostic.  Despite my uncertainties about the higher power and all of my reservations about organized religion, there are many things that I carry with me including a sense of duty that springs from that time in my life.

Within most Catholic churches, there is a “box” called the tabernacle that holds the bread wafers and wine that represent the body and blood of Christ.  It is usually given center stage and is ornately decorated.  In this instance, the Catholic church has put emphasis on something that is extremely important to it.  Regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof, there are things in this world that deserve reverence and special treatment.

In a world where information is everywhere and basically everything is for sale, it is easy to lose sight of the things that are truly important.  Luckily, God, Nature, Infinite Intelligence or whatever other force you might believe in has given us our own “tabernacles” for the truly important things.  Two of your possessions are encased so deliberately that it is difficult not to recognize their importance: your mind and your heart.

In very real terms, you exist within your mind.  Every feeling, sight, smell, taste and memory is housed within the tabernacle of your skull.  This should be a most prized possession.   It should be protected, exercised, challenged and never abused.  It should be fed with ideas and filled with memories that make it want to create more.  The day should never come where it is left to the complete care of someone else.  It is almost all that you have.

Then there is the heart which keeps you alive.  Two hearts exist: the physical heart and the emotional heart.  The physical heart should be cared for and exercised.  Neglecting or abusing it will only end in pain.  The emotional heart is also key to your survival.  Although it also needs protection, it needs to be extended to people without safeguard at times.  It should not stay in the figurative tabernacle at all times.  If it does then it wilts and dies in a way that is more tragic than the stopping of the physical heart.

These are just two of things that we should hold sacred in a world that dismisses most things without a price tag.  In your life, I’m sure that there are others.  You don’t need to put them in an ornate box but rather give them what they deserve from you.

I have been given so many things “and for that I owe.”

Pete

 

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Wash Your Face Before Your Ass

Pete Huryk

FACEAs one of my first jobs “adult” jobs, I was a pizza delivery guy.  It was great in so many ways.  Six dollars per hour under the table plus tips was pretty good pay for a young man.  When things got slow, I was also in charge of washing dishes or cleaning up the kitchen.  I recall one of the first times that I cleaned.  I was scrubbing some of the equipment and got chastised by Enzo, one of the two Italian brothers that I worked for.  I was cleaning in the wrong order.  He quickly explained that I needed to clean from the top down.  By cleaning bottom up, I might get things dirty that I’d already cleaned.  This was a simple idea but one that permeated other jobs and situations.  The order of operations became important to me and I never forgot that simple lesson.  Not every situation in life has a concrete order of operations.  Personal preferences affect so many aspects of our lives that there are very few absolutes.

Despite the lack of universal answers, there is a lot to be said for using common sense.  This is an attribute that seems to be dwindling in supply.  Unfortunately in the self-interested world that we have created, it is common to forget that we need each other.  We are so busy pushing our own agendas that we fail to realize that those around us have become deaf to us because we have failed to listen.  The first step to making ourselves understood is first to understand.  Taking the time to think about the needs of another before our own needs are met creates a bond that allows others to support us willfully.  Give that which you want to receive.

By washing your face before your ass, you are preparing the thing that you are going to show to the world.  You take no chances that it will be soiled by your own filthiness.  There are people in this world that you can trust with that but you don’t walk out into the world with it readily displayed.  Be the person that you’d like to meet on the street.  Be the friend, coworker, boyfriend, girlfriend etc. that you wish that you had.  The more that you do this, the more that you’ll find people like that.  The world is waiting for you to lead with your best face.  Very few of us should lead with our ass….

Show your best face today.

Pete

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The Bird Lady

Pete Huryk

BirdsDuring my recent trip to Baltimore, I walked by a woman throwing pieces of bread to the pigeons near the docks. It was obvious from the amount of bird poop that this was a regular occurrence.  The next day as I walked by that spot at the same time, the woman was not there but the birds were there in force.  They had a learned to at least partially depend on the “bird lady” for food.  The pigeons had mildly abandoned their heritage as scavengers and become slightly domesticated.  I don’t know  that these birds were completely reliant upon the bird lady but they were definitely foregoing the hunt for the comfort of waiting for the “sure thing”.

These birds represent many of us that are caught up in the paradigm of modern civilization.  Humans were at one point hunters and gatherers.  As we developed means of food production, individuals could sustain themselves and others with their crops and domesticated animals for slaughter.  Eventually fewer people were producing food and the majority of us became consumers that relied on their work.  In many ways this is an unnatural state for man to be disconnected from his hunting instinct.  We have built systems of competition in business and sport that mimic the hunting instinct.  However in recent years it seems that people are being trained to accept only what is handed to them.  For the moment the “bird lady” is showing up regularly and handing out the bread.  What happens when the bird lady doesn’t come back?

The birds will most likely find a new place scavenge while the more “evolved” creatures will blame and complain about their circumstances.  People who have had everything handed to them fight to maintain that situation rather than adapt.  So even though a proactive approach would lead to more self determination, people abdicate the power for comfort.  Those in power will never beg you to take the initiative remove their control on your situation.  They will try to perpetuate the status quo because it only costs them scraps in exchange for keeping you under their thumb.

So look at the life that you’re leading.  Are you dependent on the bird lady for your survival?  What would you do if she disappeared?  Begin to take your independence back.  Perhaps she’s got you financially, emotionally or physically.  Regardless of the hold, you owe it to yourself to break free.

Flying high again!

Pete

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Let’s Get FAT!

Pete Huryk

GetFatI love languages!  There are so many subtle phrases and words that can be used to invoke emotion or provoke thought.  As we use them in our daily lives it is easy to forget that most of the words that we use are hundreds or even thousands of years old.  Often the meanings can change and words that are actually related become separated.  I was reminded of this as I was running today.  As usual, I was listening to a podcast and the host mentioned a “fatal error” made by a business.  My mind got stuck on that word “fatal” and I started to think of the other words that begin with FAT.  This word rabbit hole took me to five words that stuck out: fate, fatigue, faith, fathom and father.  This word salad got me to thinking about some of the processes that we all go through in life.

Any dream, project, calling or endeavor has to start from somewhere – the FATher.  The FATher is the seed, the idea, or the start that we all need.  Once we’ve begun, we need to have FAiTh because it is the fuel that keeps us going.  Belief in the unseen at a time when there is little or no evidence that things will work out.  FATigue is the feeling thing that we will feel through all of the work that is required.  Then there is FATe which is the thing that is preordained.  It cannot be stopped because it was just meant to be.  There is fathom which can be a type of measurement but more importantly it is to gain understanding.  Then for better or worse, we end at the word that started this thought exercise – FATal.  As I looked up the origins of the word FATal, it was exactly what I thought it would be.  In the late 14th century it was used to mean “decreed by fate”.  I suppose the word took a pessimistic turn and it was only applied to the one thing that most people thought was decreed by fate.  So what does this have to do with you or I?

We all need to get FAT.  We need to plant the seeds of our wildest dreams.  Then we need to feed them with an unwavering faith in the fact that they will be realized.  The actions need to be taken that lock in the absolute certainty of our desire will wear us out.  Eventually the people who talk about us and what we have done will say that it was destiny.  Gaining a better understanding of ourselves or the world through what we’ve done.  All things come to and end but if we are willing to get FAT perhaps they’ll meet the end that we want.

So go get FAT today.

Pete

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The Lake House (When Less Is More)

Pete Huryk

LakeHouseGrowing up, my grandparents owned an A-frame house in the Pocono Mountains.  It remains one of my favorite places in the world even though they sold it over 20 years ago.  This place was spectacular!  It had no TV, only a radio that may have been from the 1950’s.  There was no running water, we had to fill 5 gallon jugs at the spring nearby.  The toilet was filled by rainwater that needed to be pumped into the basin after each use.  There were exactly two bedrooms and about twelve beds.  The master bedroom was on the first floor and it contained one king size bed.  The rest of the beds were set up end to end in two columns on the second floor varying from a crib up to a queen size.  At maximum capacity, the second floor could sleep about 20 people.  It was located on a gravel road about a half mile from a lake with a small sand beach.  The nearest store or other forms of civilization were at least five miles away.  It was a wonderful place to vacation.

By many standards, this might seem like the exact opposite of a vacation spot.  It seemingly lacks all of the comfort that one might look for in a week away.  However everything that was lacking was what made it so great.  The lack of TV forced everyone to find other ways to entertain themselves.  My brothers and I caught salamanders.  We raced them down the gutters on the side of the house.  My grandmother taught us to play rummy and other card games at night.  The lack of running water made us conscious of our resources.  Also everyone had to pitch in with finding firewood for cooking or carrying supplies from the car on arrival.  The communal sleeping arrangements forced people to get along and be respectful of the needs of others.  We had everything that we needed when we had nothing that most people would have wanted.

In our fast paced, consumer based world, most of us do not lack resources but rather resourcefulness.  Having more things is not particularly the answer.  Now that most Americans have most of their needs met, satisfying their wants has not particularly made them any happier.  Since more is not particularly the answer, perhaps the answer lies in better and deeper forms of less.  Rather than having 500 Facebook friends, it might be better to have 5 irreplaceable friends.  In the place of better resolution on your flat-screen, put more resolve into the relationships with the cast in your own life.

I’m not saying that you can’t have it all.  I’m saying that the key to having it all may be enjoying all that you can from all that you have.  Less will always be more if it is appreciated for what it is and not lamented for all that it lacks.

Double down on a person or situation that really deserves it.

Pete

 

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Gravity’s Pull

Pete Huryk

GravityMy mother is a spectacular cook.  Her cookies are famous among our family and friends.  She makes sensational macaroni and cheese.  Although I don’t eat them, I’ve been told that her apple pie is the best.  I’ve started off with this shower of compliments because my mom is also a bit clumsy.  She has fallen and hurt herself quite a few times.  Once she broke her ankle without even falling down.  She and gravity are not the fondest of friends.

It is a force that sometimes wreaks havoc on her life.  Gravity could be seen as a force that pulls us down but more accurately it is a force that makes us lift ourselves up.  Gravity is not overwhelming.  It is a relatively small amount of resistance to endure.  We’ve become quite adept as a species at defeating gravity in a variety of ways.  At the moment our problem is not that we cannot overcome resistance, it is that we do not face enough of it.

In the modern world, we face so little resistance on a daily basis that we have forgotten or never learned how to overcome it.  The challenges of most days are nothing more than annoyance.  With so little an amount of resistance against us, we should be able to break free of their pull and almost fly.  BUT we don’t.  The reason that we don’t is simple.  We’re afraid.  Afraid that we’ll fail.  Afraid that we’ll lift off but then fall.  Afraid that someone will see us and laugh.  Gravity is a force, a constant that we can work around.  We did not create it but we can figure a way around it.  Why can’t we do the same thing with fear?  Unlike gravity, it does not have to be a constant and we create it.  So getting around it or destroying it completely is well within our grasp.  Fashion your wings and fly.

Pete

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Reversing Now

Pete Huryk

RightNowWith a very quick internet search, I found a list of 225 stadiums in the United States.  This list does not  come close to covering all of the high school and college stadiums that exist.  However the number does illustrate pretty easily that we are obsessed with competition in this country.  The enormous salaries of professional athletes further shows that we put a huge value on competition.  Visiting one of those stadiums would make something else very clear.  Special attention is paid to championship seasons.  This means that the team either won more than anyone else or won when it mattered most.  Despite this overwhelming obsession with competition and results, in life we tend to ignore the games that are most meaningful.

The reason that we ignore is because there is no stadium, scoreboard or crowd.  The game that we are playing is the game of NOW.  Each moment of our life can be WON or lost.  NOW is the only game that matters and there are too many opponents to count.

We lose NOW to laziness.

We lose NOW to procrastination.

We lose NOW to fear.

We lose NOW to indifference.

We lose NOW to foolishness.

We lose NOW to the promise of later.

NOW has to be WON.  The beauty of this game is that we are in control of the rules, the scoring, and the opponents that we allow to play.  NOW is a rigged game if we’re willing to take control of it.

Decide today!  How do I win this moment?  How do I string a large number of winning moments together?  Have I been losing without even knowing?  Life is a game in so many ways.  Don’t forget that you’re the referee and the score keeper.  And most of all, don’t forget to lace up and start playing NOW!

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Sit Down and Shut Up

Pete Huryk

SitdownSometimes it is directly said and sometimes it is an expectation.  Much of our education system has been working with this paradigm for decades.  The idea is that sitting down and being quiet leads to better grades, more retention, better students and better employees.  In all honesty, I don’t truly have a problem with the idea of sitting down and shutting up provided that there is also an opportunity to stand up and make a ruckus.  This opportunity to SUMR used to happen outside of school but most activities are now adult driven.   In a recent interview, I was asked “why do you think teens are so stressed today?”  The answer to the question is relatively simple but the resolution is much more complex.

The simple answer is expectation.  The modern teenager has been thrust into a world of paradoxical expectation.  For years on end, kids today are taught that the secret to survival is to sit down, shut up and follow directions.  Those who learn these lessons are lauded for a few years until they reach a point where they need to make their own decisions.  At that point, they are expected to know how to use their judgement but that faculty has never been exercised and is therefore weak.  Those who rebel against the SDSUFD model are labeled as troublemakers and given fewer opportunities for advancement.  They see that the system doesn’t like them and they don’t care for the system either.  Systems are only valuable as long as they work.  SDSUFD only partially works and needs to be adjusted.

Humans were built for action.  We were meant to fly!  Unfortunately the mixture of old systems and new circumstances have clipped our wings or made us believe that we have none.  We’ve been made to believe that we are supposed to wait for someone else to tell us what to do.  That we are supposed to be more robotic, more efficient and less emotional.  This is completely contrary to everything that human beings are.  We are animals that are most efficient when our emotions are in line with our objectives.

So what does this mean for each of us?

If you are a teenager, you need to balance your daily SDSUFD with SUMR.  You need to have an outlet, either mental, physical and/or emotional that you choose.  Begin the process of getting your hands onto the steering wheel of your life.  You’re most likely not ready to have full control of your life yet but you should not be in the backseat either.

If you’re in your twenties or older, take a hard look at your life and decide how much of your life belongs to you.  This is not a call to buck all authority or burn every bridge in your life.  It is a call to more action for your own betterment.  Sometimes that action will be that you need to “sit down, shut up and listen”.  Then you need to stand up and act on what you’ve heard.  Step forward and take your role as the star of your own TV show.  If you are playing a secondary role in someone else’s show, then you need to rewrite the script.

Take today as if it belonged to you because truly it does.

Pete

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On Tour Now!

Pete Huryk

AdeleOn Thursday of this past week, tickets for Adele’s tour went on sale.  Through some minor internet miracle, I was able to get a pair of tickets for my wife and daughter.  They both love Adele and were extremely excited about their good fortune.  This will be my daughter’s first concert.  My wife commented that our kids have done pretty well for their first concerts: Foo Fighters at CitiField and Adele at Madison Square Garden.  By comparison, my wife first saw the Beach Boys (way past their prime) at Waterloo Village and I saw Poison at the Meadowlands.  I’m not sure that most people’s first concert experience has a big effect on them but mine did.  Please share in the comments what was the first concert that you attended.

The reason that my first concert was memorable had nothing to do with Poison.  I actually much preferred the opening act, Tesla.  After that concert, I went to Sam Goody or some other record store and bought “The Great Radio Controversy”.  It was a decent album but the music eventually became secondary to the process that it started.  The liner notes to the album explained the name of the band and what the great radio controversy was about.  After reading that bit of information, I looked further into Nikola Tesla.  It was the first time that I remember using an encyclopedia for something that was not school related (the internet was not available).  Music was a gateway to exploring information and ideas that  would not be presented in school.  This habit continued through high school with my interest in punk rock which helped to expand my vocabulary and thought processes.  At this point in my life, this form exploration is second nature and the internet has made it much easier.

The one thing that I try to avoid is getting caught in a complete echo chamber.  Although we have infinite amounts of information available to us, many people get caught listening to the same messages continuously.  This is not to say that all things are worthy of our attention.  It is important to consider what you value and be open to new possibilities when they come along.  Poison was an OK concert to begin with but if I was still only listening to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”, I’d be worried about myself.  Although we tend to think of ourselves in very concrete terms, we should be anything but stagnant.  Seeking out the next step seems to be a better strategy than waiting for someone to tell us where to go.

Adele is on tour now because she is relevant at the moment.  There is nothing wrong with going to see Poison provided that you realize that they’re a nostalgia act.  Visiting the past is enjoyable.  Living in the past can be dangerous.  The past is unchangeable.  The present is our one opportunity to affect the future.  Decide what you need in order to take your show on the road and be tour now.

Pete