Tag: experiences

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Relative Feeling of Heat and Hard

Pete Huryk

It’s the middle of summer and a heat wave recently passed through. If the temperature dropped to 60 degrees, people would be throwing on sweatshirts and jackets because of “the cold”. In the middle of the winter, that same 60 degree weather would prompt t-shirts and comments on “the heat”. The 60 degrees is objective but our experience of it is not. We place our subjective observation onto the situation based on our recent past. It’s our relation to the facts, not the facts themselves.

Since my recent weeks have been filled with summer preparations for the upcoming season, I’ve seen this same phenomena with hard. Something is only hard in comparison to the recent activity of the individual or group. A mile is nothing when you’re used to running 5 or more. Humans have an amazing ability to endure great difficulty. We can make the hard, easy with the right amount of time and effort. Unfortunately the flip side to that coin also exists! We can make easy, hard with a lack of effort over time.

We all think that we want an “easy” life. The thing that we tend not to realize is that the easy is all based on our perspective from what we’ve done recently. There is no objectivity here! We’re playing the game of life from exactly one perspective that no one else can have. So whether it’s easy or hard, mostly that choice is up to you but it’s made through your actions over time. If you choose to take it easy, just remember that hard is waiting around the corner!

Have a hard day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Show Up or Blow Up

Pete Huryk

This year I’ve been focused on my fitness in a different way. I’ve been training for and racing in sprint triathlons. For the most part, I changed to triathlons because 2/3 of the training/event is non-impact. My knees were in need of a rest from all of the running and soccer playing. The swimming was by far my weakest portion. Much to my surprise, during the races, people were asking for helping or tapping out of the swim within 200 meters. As someone who thought I was a bad swimmer, the training that I’d done carried me through. Consistency over the months prior to the race had kept me from “blowing up”.

Training montages from the Rocky movies and advertisements for quick fix workout solutions have far too many people convinced that they’re 15 minutes away from their goals. As if one huge effort over a short period of time will produce grandiose results. Usually that formula doesn’t work. The prescription that I set out for myself was to show up every day and do something. Not everything. Slowly but surely, something turned into more and more. Showing up is key.

The difficulty of showing up for the long haul isn’t the work, effort or time. It’s the fact that results are invisible for so long that people lose interest. The paycheck is so far out in the future that it makes an easy job seem difficult. The frustration that comes from lower level consistent effort is seemingly worse than the roller coaster of variable returns.

So my hope for you today, tomorrow and all of the days that are coming, that you show up! It’s most likely not going to be sexy or get you a standing ovation but it will get the job done if you stick with it!

Present!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Potential Is My Currency… Kind Of

Pete Huryk

Through the years on this blog, I’ve talked about the different currencies that we use in life. There are so many but love, time, actual money are some that I’ve discussed here before. Sometimes we exchange them for like, other times we seek another in exchange. Regardless, we’re all wheeling and dealing throughout the day. As an optimist, one of the currencies that I deal with is POTENTIAL. I see it all around! From that dilapidated house that could be refurbished to the D student with a winning personality that’s just waiting to come out; I notice it all around.

The problem with potential is that it’s not truly a currency. At some point reality sets in the potential is either met or it isn’t. It’s almost impossible to know which potentials will become reality and which will come up short. Many are going to be disappointments and that makes it easy to become discouraged. It’s easy to do the analysis, know the low rate of return and hedge your bets. That’s the safe play and I get it! It doesn’t really excite though.

We live in a world that is becoming more analytical and skeptical. So potential is not something people have time for. They want results! Or else! Leaving yourself open to the possibilities that come with potential, also leaves you open to possible ridicule. Believing in the long shots and slim odds is what fools do. And I’m willing to take that moniker. Being branded a fool for believing is far better than never being wrong but feeling empty because there wasn’t any emotion behind it.

Smells like potential!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Do You Want to Play?

Pete Huryk

Recently I had a conversation with a player. My compliment to him that he really looked like he wanted to play in our recent sessions. The recognition and statement were actually a culmination of work that he’d done over the past few months. Regardless it was obvious that he WANTS to play!

This statement may seem almost ridiculous. Everyone wants to play! That may be true that they would rather be on the field than on the bench. However many people are not willing to do the work to get there. They hope that whatever effort they put in will be good enough and get frustrated when it’s not. They act as if playing time were a divine right (lower levels, I get it). At the more competitive levels, practice is the player’s job and playing time is their bonus. Some people want the bonus and others don’t.

Everything that we want in life comes with some form of price. Perhaps it’s just time and attention. It’s not enough to want to something! The price for that thing needs to be paid. Bringing enough desire to the table is crucial to getting past the price. Everyone wants something. What do you want and are you willing to do what it takes to get it?

Put me in coach!

Pete

Salisbury 1994
Blogpost, self-reliance

A, AN, THE and getting what you want!

Pete Huryk

In our hyperactive world, the articles that we put in front of nouns may not seem to matter much. We’re concerned with the BIG things! So the difference between a one letter and three letter words doesn’t amount to much. That might be accurate in the majority of cases. However there are definitely times that A little thing can make all THE difference!

There are definitely times in our lives where we need a pen, an eraser, a word of encouragement or a little help. These indefinite articles that proceed the words tell the tale of intention. They are “indefinite”! There’s no thought put behind them. Any pen will do! The encouragement doesn’t need to be life changing! Just encouraging. Whatever it is, it’s good enough to do the job.

Definite articles on the other hand require more scrutiny and intent. Not just any pen will do! I want THE pen. There is a difference between the one that I want and all of the other pens in the world. Perhaps it’s the color, style, grip, cost, proximity or any other number of criteria. Regardless, there’s a separating factor or factors that make THE important!

Your job in this moment of so many choices is discerning when THE matters. I’ll admit it! In most situations, A/An is completely fine. The difference is not life altering. However there are times when settling for A/An is going to be something that you regret. A life partner, a job, a college, and so many other big A/AN’s are signing up for a world of hurt and disappointment. For sure, it’s possible to stumble into THE thing that you’ve always wanted when looking for just anything. However it’s probably good to have an idea of what you’re looking for! So that you know when you’ve found it!

Aim for the target, not a target!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Financial Offside

Pete Huryk

For many people, the offside rule is the most confusing part of soccer. The concept seems difficult and it can be tough to track in real time but overall most soccer people understand the concept. The problem is that in the heat of the moment, our vision gets skewed by emotion. I recall distinctly saying to a group of my players at the college level, “By the way that you complain, we must never be offside.” The comment wasn’t lost on them and they became more discerning about whether or not they were being honest with themselves about the calls being made. Being able to see the objective truth, rather than our preferred truth is extremely important in a lot of areas, especially finance!

The idea of financial offside is a simple one that most people should see as blatantly obvious. Yet much like the players that I mentioned above, we tend to get blinded by our emotions in many situations. The simple version of financial offside is “don’t spend money that you don’t have!” Again! Like the offside rule, there are caveats to this pretty basic concept. Things like mortgages and other loans are “money that you don’t have” but are often necessary in many instances. The financial offside rule is more about those unnecessary purchases that are made out of desire and not necessity. The “shiny objects” that are going to fill an emotional hole for a moment but most likely will not fill a practical need. If you have unlimited means, absolutely buy to your heart’s content. However, if you’re like most people, you probably need to be aware of the invisible moving line of your finances. It moves on a daily, weekly and yearly basis. The line is drawn at the last dollar that you have liquid in your possession. Credit blurs the line slightly. So being aware of whether, you’re over the line, approaching the line or completely onside is something that you should know. Don’t make the assumption that my players did! You’re not always onside, just because it’s you! Your emotional justification of the reasons why you’ve crossed over have nothing to do with the cold hard fact. When you’ve spent more than you have, you’re creating problems for yourself!

So here are two simple ideas that can actually help to keep you “onside” in your finances. They are similar to ideas that work in soccer.

  • Wait! – Lots of unnecessary purchases are made out of the emotion of the moment. Let the moment pass. If you practice this strategy on a regular basis, it will become easier. Delaying a purchase until you’ve considered the financial impact will protect you from poor purchases.
  • Pay attention – You need to regularly check in on your finances. They are not one of those friends that you don’t see for years and just pick up where you left off. Depending on who you are, the check in may need to be as often as daily. Being afraid to face the truth is no excuse and once you know the truth, planning is easier.

Finances are a scary concept for a lot of people. Just like the offside rule, they can seem difficult but I’m trying to help fix that issue. Later in the summer, my co-author and I will be releasing a book that explains finances using soccer as a metaphor. Financial offside is such a simple concept that it’s not included in the book but I figured I’d put the idea out there as a bit of a “teaser”.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend

Pete Huryk

If you’ve never experienced it, the comedy special by Mike Birbiglia “My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend” is on Netflix. It’s one of my favorite things to watch when I’m bored and want something on in the background. It recounts several instances within Mike’s romantic past and weaves them together in an artful way. It’s idiotic and sentimental and truthful and funny! Just like relationships themselves.

I’ve never been confronted directly with my girlfriend’s boyfriend like Mike but anyone who has ever been in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) knows that they run the gambit. Almost nothing is a surprise anymore and no one is ever 100% right. Instead we have craziness that cannot be predicted, even with people that we’d consider rational. So what do we do in the face of that uncertainty? Be certain about who we’re going to be.

The seas can be rough and toss us about but the compass still points north. It’s our choice whether or not we adjust our sails to head in the direction we set originally or let the winds dictate. We’re never helpless! Sometimes we’re overwhelmed, unsure, anxious and doubtful but never helpless. If confronted with your girlfriend’s boyfriend, there’s many ways to shed that problem. It doesn’t require that you “abandon the ship” of you. It’s a change of course, nothing more!

“So I’m scrambling…”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

November You

Pete Huryk

In a few months a version of you will exist, November You! Although that person only exists in the future for the moment, several of their characteristics and backstory are based completely on what you’re doing right now. The accumulation of habits and daily actions will contribute largely to who that person is. They are not set in stone. So much of who they will be is a variable based on the present you.

So recognize that all you get is this moment. If you string enough good moments together that keep that future in mind, your November self will probably be thankful. If you indulge too much in the moment and put off worrying about your November self until November, there will most likely be a disappointed you that shows up.

We are variables! Not constants!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Guilty Pleasure Songs

Pete Huryk

I really like my musical taste! A variety of obscure bands that few people have heard of, mixed with some classic powerhouses. Overall it’s strange enough to avoid being ordinary but at the same time, accessible enough be understood by most people. Every once in a while, a song comes along that’s a “guilty pleasure”. Something that I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I like. One of the more recent examples is “Butter” by the K-Pop band BTS. It’s catchy and popular and I hate that I like it but I do.

We can feel guilty about things that we like for a variety of reasons. There’s no hard and fast rule about what makes something a guilty pleasure. However, the idea is pretty standard. We like something but feel badly about it for some reason. Shouldn’t pleasure just be pleasure? Why do we need to feel bad? In my case for sure, It comes down to other people. It’s the perception of you that is diminished based on what you’ve done. Being raised catholic, guilt comes with the territory. However, it’s worth considering an alternative. What if you just owned it? What if you accepted that you like what you like and other people be damned? How could your life be different?

In the most basic sense it would be freeing! Usually it is not actual judgment that causes this situation. It is perceived! We believe that other’s will judge us and therefore we judge ourselves which is the easiest game in town. All of the best stuff in life lives on the other side of fear! Therefore we have the opportunity of building a habit of breaking through our fear of judgement by admitting to ourselves and others, who we actually are.

I’ve got the superstar glow!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The High Cost of Cheap Feelings

Pete Huryk

The problem with most of the knowledge that people need is that it’s so simple, it’s easy to discount. Although there is a definite effort to confuse arguments from a variety of forces, the answers are all pretty simple. Health is dependent upon diet and exercise. In the moment, the choice between the apple and the candy bar isn’t difficult on an informational level. It’s difficult on an emotional level. The candy bar promises feelings that the apple doesn’t. For each individual the draw could be for different reasons and varied intensities. Regardless, the candy bar exists in this world because it is a ticket to “cheap feelings”. A momentary hit of a pleasurable chemical inside of the brain. Unfortunately, these cheap feelings tend to come with a high cost.

The allure of cheap feelings is that they come RIGHT NOW! They feed into our desire for instant gratification. AND the high costs that come along with them are deferred payments. The hangover from the alcohol doesn’t come until tomorrow. Extra weight doesn’t show up for a few weeks or months. The realization that your dreams have passed you by through procrastination may not come for years. Regardless of the particular cheap feelings that you indulge in, they all have a price to be paid later.

The beautiful thing about the human mind is that it can be trained. It is an obedient “animal” if its master is attentive. Since the decisions are not difficult on an informational level, we simply need to train the emotion out of the decision or more accurate attach new emotions to the right decision. We know what to do! We just need to do it consistently enough that our brain buys into the training. Every single dog in the world wants to chase after the squirrel! Some don’t because they’ve been trained not to. PLEASE don’t get offended by my comparing your mind to an obedient dog. That’s a cheap feeling too! It’s easier to get mad at me for the perceived slight than look in the mirror long enough to say “I can do better in __________ area.”

Training takes time, effort and attention. Give all three to a component of your life that you’ve been paying the high cost of cheap feelings. Eventually they’ll be replaced with feelings that are more pervasive and positive. Rather than the momentary rush of excitement with the candy bar, you get the overarching feeling of well-being, health or pride. These types of feeling require daily payments for long durations but eventually they spit out dividends that far exceed the amount put in.

Tell the cheap feelings that you’re not for sale!

Pete