As a father, it is almost my sworn duty to tell dad jokes. My grandfather was a well known joke teller in his neighborhood and the family. Most of the time when he would start telling you a story, you weren’t sure if it was the set up for a joke or not. Since his name was Pete, he would often introduce himself, “My name is Pete and this is my son, RePete.” He specialized in Polish jokes because we’re Polish by descent but he was always looking for new material. There were a quite a few that you would hear over and over again because they worked.
My grandfather, the joker!
Since we have so much choice these days, there is a desire for the new and unique. Despite all of this choice, I still find myself going back to the things that work over and over again: Shawshank Redemption, Knapsack and the Tim Ferris podcast with Robert Rodriguez. Predictability has its place in a world as volatile as ours. The important skill is being able to tell the difference between a track and a rut. The major distinguishing factor is that tracks lead someplace and ruts are formed because you’re just spinning your wheels.
So I suggest that you repeat yourself, continuously……..After you’ve decided who it is that you want to be. Consistency is a key to most endeavors. If you want to be a great version of yourself, that is going to require that you are a consistent version of yourself. Consistent action in a particular direction leaves tracks and people can understand who you are where you’ve come from. Unfortunately in our distraction culture, it’s easy to be led astray but the things that we believe are necessary tools. The latest thing is always going to be around because there’s always a new latest thing.
Even though he looked for new material, my grandfather knew which jokes worked because he had thousands of hours of experience. He didn’t recite poetry because that was not his thing except for that one about the guy from Nantucket…. But I digress. You don’t need to be all things to all people. You need to be you, everyday for the rest of your life. Make sure that it’s a decision and not an accident who it is that shows up.
We live in a world where duality is an everyday thing. The medicine that can be used to cure can become poison in the wrong dosage. Not caring what people think is a strength until one becomes ostracized for being outlandish. These forces that pull from opposite sides show up in many areas of our life. Much like a suspension bridge across a large chasm, the tension at each end holds up the bridge provided that the middle is not overburdened. My fear is that we’ve overburdened the middle in the soccer world.
Although the title is meant to be slightly inflammatory, the question of intent needs to be discussed for one moment. None of this is a moral judgement on the people involved at any level. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, nor someone looking to blame individuals. Generally people tend to do the best that they can with what they know. Often cultural influences are stronger than the judgement of an individual. So my hope is that the title mixed with the argument will get a few individuals to consider their personal situation.
Do the math – As a former math major in college, the first part of my discussion is about the mathematics of the situation. Whether the player is interested in eventually reaching the college or professional level, the parent and the player need to understand the low number of opportunities for both. The maximum number of scholarships that a NCAA Division I program can give is 9.9 for men and 14 for women. With the number of potential candidates and the low number of scholarships, it is a low yield proposition. Only 5.5% of high school soccer players play at the collegiate level according to the NCAA: 1.3% Div I, 1.5% Div II, 2.7% Div III. (NCAA.org) From that 1.3% playing in Division I, a much smaller percentage receive athletic scholarships. So the mathematics are against them. This information is often not known or understood by parents. The potential for making it as a professional is much lower than college. Many families pay large sums of money each year for specialized training that will have almost no “return on investment”.
The high performance side of the chasm seems to be pulling the bridge in one direction to the detriment of the players “caught in the middle.” Clubs and teams seem to be organized and run with a high performance outcome in mind. This is not a terrible thing. It will create the players that will eventually win the World Cup on the men’s side and keep the women dominant for generations. However there are many players and parents who are the collateral damage of this all out pursuit of high performance. Thousands of dollars and hundreds hours are spent on an endeavor with a relatively predictable outcome. Few players will reach the higher levels of the pyramid. The cultural ratchet has tightened on this side of the equation.
While on the other side of the chasm, recreation soccer is largely looked down upon. Unfortunately for many of the players who are caught in the middle, they are playing recreation soccer with high price tag. The “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality in the world of youth sports is troubling because the number one reason why you people say that they play is for fun. That is exactly what recreation is intended to be. Since it lacks the cache or social status, it is barely hanging onto the other side of the chasm.
This situation is untenable and unnecessary. The NFL has a draft every year that is never lacking in talent. College football teams have more scholarships to give but club football has not popped up on my radar yet. Camps and individual coaching are most likely a huge market in that sport but somehow clubs with snazzy names are not. The pipeline of talent is syphoned in a completely different way that mainly only costs the top level.
Despite all that is wrong with the youth club system, I still want every single kid in the US to play soccer. The game has so much to offer young people that the present situation is disheartening. I got truly excited when I read that the sale of chessboards had risen significantly due to the TV show “The Queen’s Gambit.” Although it is possible that expensive competitive chess clubs and trainers are going to pop up all over the country, it is more likely that mothers, fathers, sons and daughters will play each other or friends will play. The process is the outcome that people are looking for. The game gives everything that the person needs. If they want to chase more, that is on them. Thousands of young players are unlikely to feel the negative effects of being caught in the chess cultural ratchet. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the present situation in soccer.
Playing chess is good for a soccer brain.
Since I’m not a fan having a complaint without some suggestions for improvement, here are a few thoughts:
Tryouts every other year – Players and clubs need to commit to each other. Annual tryouts sends a message to kids that they are expendable. It also leads to a lack of loyalty on both sides. Playing with the same kids for a few years allows friendships to build.
Get the words right – US Soccer or a collection of the state associations need to classify levels of play. Since MLS has taken the academy league over, this should make for a pretty simple equation. In my estimation, most leagues should be classified as recreation and a handful “competitive” or some other adjective. A club cannot claim to be “elite” if they are playing in a recreation league. Some entity needs to stop the inflation of words within the soccer world.
Incentivize unity over cannibalism – It may not be true everywhere but it seems that the ingredients for a new club are as follows: two teams worth of kids and a coach who was unhappy at another club. The pattern of clubs splitting or losing teams etc. is largely based on the adults. Clubs with teams at each age level could be given some form of incentive from the state association. How much would it cost for the adults to put their egos aside? This could be tough but not impossible.
After all of this being said, I truly believe that the club system could be an amazing opportunity for young players to gain soccer and life skills within a community environment. Unfortunately the reality looks less like that possibility due to shortsighted objectives. Around 1% of kids who start playing soccer will play in college or the pros. So shouldn’t we be giving the other 99% more than some foot skills and a warmup with a logo on it. Just something to consider.
Whether you were around to see bands like Green Day and the Offspring climb to the top of the charts or not, the musical landscape changed abruptly in the last decade of the century. Some people give full credit to Nirvana but that overlooks many of the ingredients that contributed to this musical upheaval. Punk was a largely underground scene during the 1980s when pop music and hair bands dominated the air waves. Despite being chided and largely non-existent in popular media outlets, it still maintained a following that was passionate about it. By the time that the 90s came around and the desire for an alternative to the very superficial was at a peak, the punk bands of the 90s gained in popularity.
One of the best punk bands, not just from the 90s but overall, Bad Religion.
Trading music for sport, the proliferation of soccer throughout the US has taken a similar trajectory. Although there is no “underground” sports scene, soccer gained its following in the youth ranks. Much like the punks of the 80s, kids playing soccer for several decades have received their ridicule for being outside of the mainstream sports. In the professional ranks, Major League Soccer was the second attempt to bring soccer to the masses. The NASL had brought some awareness to the sport but it was largely an imported spectacle. It probably helped the grassroots interest in the sport but the professional vacuum of a decade made it solely a kids game. This could be construed as a negative but it also made the participants care about the sport rather than heroes on the TV screen. The DIY mentality has been helpful in creating a supporters culture within the sport.
Punk hit a crescendo in the 90s because the masses began to see what the people from the underground always knew. They had a special thing. Even though it wasn’t popular with everyone, they loved it. That sentiment began to rub off on others. When you don’t care if the thing that you love is popular with everyone, the masses eventually take notice because organic growth happens through passion, not marketing.
Now that soccer has become relevant within the mainstream, where does it go from here? My opinion is not worth much but I believe that it goes on a thirty year run of being the most popular sport in the US. Music genres dominate for decades. Sports tend to dominate for quarter or half centuries. When the USMNT wins the World Cup in 2026, the work that the USWNT has done will be complete. The United States will truly be considered a soccer nation and the inferiority complex that we have about the sport will disappear. People who throw shade at MLS and our lack of high level talent will be silenced.
The moment is forever burned into my memory. I was ten years old standing halfway up the hill that led into a wooded area that we always referred to as the “quarry.” My older brother, his best friend and another kid or two were all in a circle. Since my brother was involved this was an opportunity to do something with the “big kids.” I don’t remember the events that lead up to this event, nor anything that followed. The main memory is that it was my turn to try taking a puff off the cigarette that was being passed around. Although I had a variety of reasons to believe that what I was doing should be considered cool, my body revolted in a most violent way. I coughed, gagged and felt almost like I could throw up. That was the last time that I ever tried smoking a cigarette.
Despite the negative experience with cigarettes, I have the occasional cigar.
The combination of the human body and mind is amazing. As a united front, they can conquer almost anything including things that people would just refer to as reality. The key to the mind/body power is consistency. It has the ability to flip the natural script of any stimuli. The example of my first smoking experience is perfect. Other people had a similar experience but through consistency, took an uncomfortable sensation and made it pleasurable or even necessary. People put poisons into their bodies everyday and get pleasure from the process. Not because the poison is inherently tasty but because consistency can lead to comfort.
Many people and organizations have adopted the mantra “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” I’m not opposed to the sentiment especially considering the year that 2020 turned out to be. However this saying skips past the most important ingredient. Discomfort is not the goal, that can be self-flagellation or punishment if don’t haphazardly. The key is to be consistent. Consistently putting yourself into uncomfortable situations will bleed them of their power. For the past two years, I’ve been doing cold showers. They were difficult in the beginning but eventually the consistency of doing it everyday made them “comfortable.” By no means have the sensations of cold turned into warmth. Quite the contrary, the cold is still there in force but I am ABLE to find COMFORT in it.
The same is true of almost any stimuli that you encounter consistently. With today being January 1st, 2021, I thought it the appropriate time to draw attention to this fact. As people usually hope for change at this time of year, the ones who are successful will be consistent long enough that they feel comfortable with this new thing. There’s no magical potion that you can guzzle down to get the things that you want. It’s a drop every day until you can handle more. I inhaled too much smoke that first day and I’m glad I did. Decide what it is that you want and sip or inch your way forward.
You’re not supposed to see the wheels of a parade float. The entire idea behind the “float” is that it gives off the illusion that it is above the ground, a piece of art suspended in the air. The right circumstances need to be in place to make a float viable. A relatively straight road that has been blocked off from regular traffic is paramount to a float’s functionality. There’s a reason why we don’t see floats on a daily basis. They are an impractical sham of existence that cannot persist much longer after the parade is over.
Despite these facts about floats, many of us try to drive our own float down the streets of our daily lives. We primp ourselves to hide all scars, blemishes, effort and fatigue. The systems that hold us up are well hidden from the world to give the illusion that we might be floating. Social media is the stop in front of Macy’s where we need to pause and pose or sing and dance like Mario Lopez. Realizing of course that it’s a sham, you’re only there because you don’t have anything more important to do. Millions of people might be “watching” but in all honesty no one is truly watching. You scroll by with the other people pretending to be pitch perfect and are barely noticed or remembered.
There is nothing wrong floats or parades but they should not be daily experiences. As individuals we need to be much more agile and fast moving. Maintaining the facade is at best impractical and at worst dangerous. When life demands more of us than a parade route, we will fall apart at the seams if we’re made of tissue paper and flowers. Keeping it together is impossible in that unnatural state. So only bring out the float on special occasions. There are so many other parade participants to be:
The balloon that need eight people to keep it from floating off into the ski.
The classic cars that would love nothing more than to ditch the parade for the open road.
The tanks that could take out a building if the situation called for it.
The high school band who had to compete to get there and are REALLY playing their instruments.
So if you’re trying to be a float, please remember that you’re not fooling anyone. We all know that underneath, you’re a type of farm vehicle. Unless it’s a special occasion, you can ditch the facade and be the real you. Just because we put a camera in everyone’s pocket, doesn’t mean we’re all on TV or need to act like second class stars. Our daily lives require people of true substance! We need the real you!
As children we have a sense of misplaced optimism, we believe that we can do anything. Unfortunately as we grow, that overblown optimism is not tempered into realism. Usually it is downgraded into a form of protective pessimism. Either we overtly believe that we “can’t” do things or avoid trying the new and difficult due to judgement. The court of public opinion has a reputation for being harsh against people who are less than perfect.
This pessimistic viewpoint leads to adolescents and teenagers who believe that they can’t. Whether it is a lack of skill, nerve, smarts, money or anything else; falling short is not something to be endured. My message is very straightforward and clear.
Don’t assume that you’re weak just because you haven’t found your strength yet. The safe path of anonymity holds no prizes at its end. Every single one of us had dreams of being an astronaut, cowboy, movie star or a million other things. Some dreams deserve to die, no doubt. It shouldn’t be the ones that we wanted but were too afraid to breath life into them.
Don’t assume you’re weak, just because you haven’t found your strength yet!
Most likely it’s not too late! Pound on the chest of that dream! Blow air into its lungs! Get out the AED paddles and clear everyone away! Every moment that you delay, the less chance that you’ll have to revive it. Unfortunately you can’t expect a miraculous recovery, it will take time and persistence. You might be breathing life into this thing for years. Or you can let it die a quiet death because you labeled yourself too weak to save it.
You can do it or you can’t! More than anything that’s up to you!
With the season of New Year’s Resolutions descending upon us quickly, I thought it was time to give an alternative. “Day Three of My New Life” is actually the name of one of my favorite albums of all time. The band Knapsack released it while I was in college. Through my weekly radio show, I got introduced to the album and the band. None of this is why you clicked on this post, so I’ll move on but the album is worth a listen.
Knapsack – Day Three of My New Life
Several times I’ve dissected the title of the album for myself and attributed a thought process to it. For the moment at least, I’m going to say that the following is what I believe about change which is what resolutions promise. It’s unfortunate that the word resolution has gotten associated with so many failed enterprises by people over the years. The definition of a “firm decision to do or not do something” is a powerful alternative to the impotent leanings that most people have. So even though New Year’s Resolutions tend to be weak, the word is intended to be strong.
Day Three of My New Life plays perfectly into this thought process as it puts a line of demarkation between the past self and the present. Humans tend to lead with belief and therein lies the power of this thought process. Normal resolutions fail because it is the same old version of you, trying to do a new action. Unfortunately the life that you lead is resistant to change, especially when giving up something that is coveted. At this time of year, change is all the rage. So it is not truly a resolution but a form peer pressure that most fold under. It is crucial to birth a new version of yourself. So rather than the first, maybe it’s better to start on the number day of your birthday. That makes it personal. A part of your identity that you get to carry forward.
In addition to the decision there need to be reminders of the new you built into the day. You need to have arrows to the action that you recognize and utilize. Few of us have the willpower to overcome all of the obstacles in our way, so we need to be set up for success. Running shoes put next to the bed, reminders in the cellphone, post it notes on the refrigerator or the simple favor of having a friend as an accountability partner are all possible ways to point you in the right direction. No answer will be perfect but functionality is the key. Every day of your new life, you’ll need to put on the boxing glovesand fight the old habits off. It’s a balancing act to be sure but the shape of the fear that you feel is always your own shadow. The feeling that you are not enough to fill the new shoes that you’ve fashioned for yourself.
So as we move into the new year and new possibilities, choose the new life that you want to lead. If you want to stay true to form, that’s great! It means that you’re happy with this version of you. If not, then resolve to adopt this new life and go well past day three!
Happy New Year!
Pete
PS – My favorite song by Knapsack is “Arrows to the Action.” Even though Day Three… was the main topic here, This Conversation Is Ending, Starting Right Now is possibly a better album but it’s really close!
I was asked about the use of certain “games” in the US with young soccer players such as Stuck in the Mud, Red Light Green Light or Shark and Minnows. The thoughts below do not represent an in depth study of the situation, these are just “thoughts.”
The Strider or Balance Bike is a product that was created to help kids learn how to balance and steer without the additional concern of using pedals. Although it is not a “real bike,” it can make the process of learning balance more joyous than the use/removal of training wheels. Despite training wheels being used for generations, it may inhibit the actual desired outcome. The learner’s reliance on the training wheels keeps them from learning how to counter steer which means they must almost “relearn” how to ride. Finally the strider bike can also be used as a learning tool largely independently from direct supervision. A child learning to balance on a standard bike requires help from someone. Children are not small adults. Their needs are quite different but in the beginning, the strider bike was derided because it wasn’t a “real bike.”
Kids need to enjoy what they are doing. As they begin playing soccer, FUN is paramount to their desire to continue playing. Most players in the US do not grow up in a house where soccer is reinforced as a “way of life.” It is an organized activity that they are introduced to as part of some programming. For their parents, it can be a form of exercise for the child or even a cheap “childcare.” Although youth programs exist throughout the world, there is also cultural norm of individual or “street play.” Games like the ones listed above are intended to create a fun environment to learn skills. Elsewhere in the world, the development of skills is part of a cultural ratchet that values skill acquisition. Often through “unorganized” play, peer groups will create an environment where fun and skill acquisition go hand in hand.
Danny Rojas from Ted Lasso loving the game for all that it is!
There is nothing inherently wrong with playing fun games like Sharks and Minnows with young players. Much like using training wheels, it is a viable strategy. It can add fun to soccer for kids who are not already invested in the game. The issue is that many kids/parents are looking for a fun activity rather than specifically soccer fun. Therefore a disconnect happens when, “it’s just not fun anymore.” This can happen at any point in a player’s development. Learning to play chess, the flute, basketball, monopoly, etc. are worthwhile pursuits for young people. Only a small number of people will make it a lifelong pursuit.
Being honest with ourselves about why we are doing something is a crucial component to any endeavor. Playing monopoly with a 6 year old in order to instill a love of real estate investment is a strategy. However at some point the real thing doesn’t match up with the game. That first encounter is most likely not going to be the crucial component to a lifelong love. There will be milestones along the way that will either add or subtract to the child’s love for the activity. Having kids dip their carrots in ranch dressing is fine but at a certain point, the carrots need to stand on their own.
For me, soccer is a lifelong passion that speaks to me on a variety of levels. For some of my childhood friends, it is a game that they used to play when they were a kid. We spent years with undereducated coaches doing many poorly thought out drills by modern pedagogical standards. They did the best that they could with what they knew and got at least one lifelong convert. The strider bike may be the best possible way to get the intended objective but the training wheels still work. Neither guarantee that a kid will grow up to love bike riding.
The game is all about people. While I’m all for best practices, curricula and methodology; they do not guarantee anything. A kid needs to enjoy what they are doing enough to continue. More than likely, they need to see others enjoying that same thing. So if you are a coach, display your joy for the game! While we all might love soccer, joy is happiness that kids can see. That’s worth more than any activity that you’ll ever run for any age group!
With the New Year right around the corner and thoughts of a restart go through the minds of many people, it is possibly worth the time to put all of these cards on the table. If 2021 is going to be better than 2020, then there needs to be a basic understanding of who is responsible for the varied facets of life. Although the answers to all of these questions will be self-evident, the exercise is important because it releases all of the stories that come along with circumstances.
If you are a student, who is in charge of your grades? Your teacher? She/he is responsible for the delivery of the content but in the end, you are in charge of acquiring it. I won’t go on my grades rant here but remember that every teacher that you have will eventually be gone. They transitory figures in your life who are intended to teach you something. EVEN if they are the worst teacher in the world, it is on you to cope with that situation. It is your knowledge that is at stake.
Who is in charge of your health? Your doctor? You go to see her/him a few times per year. Those visits are checkpoints but in no way do they have the impact that your daily decisions do. A doctor can be part of a health strategy but in the end, you must implement that strategy. If you’re out of shape, overweight, or lethargic, that’s on you. The strategies for correcting most ailments do not require a PhD but rather SADD (Simple Actions Done Daily). If you’re in a health hole, you’re the only one who can dig yourself out. People can help but they cannot drag you along or the results will be short-lived. The reverse is also true. If you are fit, strong and flexible, that’s on you! Pat yourself on the back if you can.
Who is in charge of your mindset? Your psychologist? Your parents? Your ex? While your therapist may be able to help you refocus and create new meaning for your situation, the patterns of thoughts and behaviors are ultimately on you. People from your past have definitely contributed to your present mental framework, however you do not have to hold onto it. Blaming your present on others may feel better than owning it but that makes you a victim. You’re not a victim. You are the captain of your ship.
Who is in charge of your career? Your boss? Perhaps you are fortunate enough to have a boss who is looking out for your best interest in your career, most people are not that lucky. Most bosses are concerned with your performance in your present position. Their job is not to clear a path for your ultimate success. They already do that for themselves.
Who is in charge of your finances? Wall street? The President? Your banker? Your finances are your responsibility. All of these institutions can influence your financial standing but the decisions are on you. If the market has taken a turn for the worse and you take a hit, that’s based on your decisions not the circumstances. When the situation changes (and it always does), it will be the alignment of your sails rather than the direction of the wind that will dictate your course.
None of these ideas is revolutionary or even difficult to understand. However people are going to struggle this year with the circumstances that they encounter. They are going to look around to find an easier scapegoat than themselves. This protective maneuver is an attempt to make the self feel good in the moment. “It’s not my fault because of ….” Feeling good in that moment is robbing them of the power that they have to make the big changes that they desire.
No one is going to scoop you up like Superman and protect you from all of the bad things in the world. It’s on you to save yourself and help the people around you. So as we progress into 2021, get your thumb ready because it’s the appendage that separates us from most other animals. It’s also the device that will separate you from most other people, if you use it often enough when giving responsibility.
Are you the bow? The one who stays in the same spot and gets put under regular tension. You do basically all of the work but are a tool being used by someone else.
Are you the arrow? The one with direction who gets to go places and reach targets or miss them. Regardless you are getting out there. Staying inert is not your thing, in fact it makes you quiver (hahahaha).
It’s not so much that one is better than the other. Both are necessary parts of the equation. However the perspective on how you interact with your world is important. We’d all like to believe that we are flying free toward our targets. That freedom is found in perspective. Kings have been slaves and slaves have been kings. The crown itself is powerless. It is useless on the head of one whose spirit is crushed under its weight. The chains and walls also cannot hold the person who is free where it counts. So go fly before someone puts you under major tension to propel them toward their bullseye!
Huryk Unlimited 