Category: Blogpost

Blogpost, self-reliance

Feeling Like a Baseball Card (A Dating App Rant)

Pete Huryk

When I was a kid, I collected baseball cards. It was not a long lasting endeavor but while I was doing it, it took up a lot of my time. Since it was the pre-internet days, the value of a card wasn’t determined on Ebay. There was a magazine that came out regularly to tell you the value of the cards that you owned. Despite the “agreed upon” value of a card, there were also personal reasons to want a card: your favorite player, a set of your favorite team, etc. My most prized card was a George Foster card from when he played with the Cincinnati Reds. It wasn’t the most expensive card in the world or the most expensive that I owned. It was the most important one to me though. I bought it as an individual card because I knew that I wanted it. Most of the cards that I had were acquired in packs. It was the luck of the draw. Eventually the collection became less of a priority and collected dust in my parent’s house. I’m not sure when it was sold off but I still own all of my George Foster cards.

The description above may be recognizable to many people. The search for value in a particular area of interest. Some people enjoy the search. Others enjoy the find. The value of the items being searched through is completely subjective regardless of price tag. In the past year, I’ve felt the need to foray into a world that I didn’t expect to be in.

The world of online dating reminds me of my baseball card days but in an unsettling way. The searching part is semi-similar with the pictures, “statistics” and bios. There is a perceived value from the searcher that is based on personal preferences. The area that is most disconcerting to me is the people on the other end of this search and selection process. If I chose to put my Phil Niekro cards in the bottom of my hamster’s cage, Phil didn’t know about it nor was he upset. It’s not him, just his card. My lack of interest in his card doesn’t take anything away from him personally. However, the people on the opposite end of this search and selection process are impacted. Sometimes directly and others indirectly. Regardless, they are still people.

Most recently I’ve stared to feel like a baseball card. It’s not all of the time, just in certain instances. The baseball card feeling comes when I’ve matched with someone and then……. nothing! No communication. Just sitting there. It’s happened more than I’d like to admit. I’d like to call it ghosting but I believe that’s when communication from one side just stops. This is a strange message to send. “I like your profile enough to match but not to talk.” It seems like a bit of a waste and also discounts the person on the other end. Now I’m far from perfect. I have ghosted a few people in the past year but overall, I try to end the conversation with something. A recognition that there is a person on the other end of this equation and I know it.

As so many of our first interactions with people tend to be online, it’s easy forget people exist. Fully formed human beings who have all of the same needs for oxygen, water, food, shelter, love, etc. They are on the other end of that screen. Maybe they are not the person for you. That’s ok! Swipe left or hit the X button. There’s no shame in that. Mistakes happen too! “Whoops, I hit the ‘Super Swipe’ button with my really big thumbs!” It’s not a problem either. My standard message to end a conversation talks about it not “gaining traction” and that’s fine as well. Perhaps I’m too much of an empath and worry about those people who get effect by these things. With all of the stresses of our world, the ambiguity of not knowing where you stand seems unnecessary.

I don’t want to be a baseball card, an item to be collected but not engaged with. A lack of interest is easy to take but the uncertainty wreaks of a forgetfulness. Forgetting that we’re all humans and deserve a little better. Sure the dating world is not for the faint of heart but it also doesn’t need to be for the reckless and uncaring. We’re all in the same boat and could stand to do a little better for each other.

Collect responsibly!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

PF and PB Ratio

Pete Huryk

So many things in our lives come down to balance. Although we need water to live, too much can be problematic with either straight up drowning or other issues. Everything has its correct dose. More isn’t always better. And the positive ingredient can become poisonous when it is allowed to dominate the mixture.

With humans, it’s often a difficult equation to balance. The number of varied components in the human animal make us an almost impossible equation to balance. Despite that fact we must try, tweak and attempt to find a balance, it’s not coming easily. Often it’s degrees of imbalance that we feel rather than anything resembling balance. Since the right answer isn’t coming easily, maybe we just need to recognize when we’ve got it majorly wrong!

I’m speaking metaphorically, so hopefully I won’t upset anyone but I think we need to be punched in the face more! The PF and PB ratio is the comparison of how many times someone is “punched in the face” rather than “patted on the back” by life! The ratio isn’t particularly intended to be in balance. In fact most of the time; it won’t be. However, the equation seems to have gotten way out of balance. People have take so many sharp edges off of life and it seems as though no one expects to be “punched in the face” metaphorically by life anymore. People are looking to be celebrated for their minuscule contributions. It’s not that they never should be, it’s a balance!

So! What if we started to embrace the fact again that PFs are coming our way and that’s alright. They’re not the only thing that is on the horizon! However they are a necessary part of the equation so that we can eventually get more PBs. The problem is that PBs don’t come for free. Yet somehow people think they should. PFs aren’t the only way to “earn” PBs but they often correlate.

So if you’re getting “punched in the face” by life, do your best to make it through the onslaught with your head held high. The pats on the back are coming at some point. They just don’t come exactly when we want them!

Keep your guard up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Fear Is a Positive Emotion!

Pete Huryk

It doesn’t compute at first for most people! In fact it is sometimes denied forcefully. People have gotten very comfortable with the idea that fear is a negative. Something to be avoided at all cost. While I’ll grant anyone the fact that fear doesn’t feel good, it’s not a 100% negative emotion. It’s actually one of our most important compasses. We’d truly be nothing without it and if used intelligently, its benefits are limitless.

So just think where we’d be today if it wasn’t for fear? Extinct! Our ancestors would have been petting sabertooth tigers left and right until the human race was gone. I’m sure most people would grant me that one. It’s a device to avoid pain or death. Slightly positive, sure! But it definitely doesn’t feel good in the moment. No doubt! A pit in your stomach, sweaty palms, increased heart rate… if you take away the negative connotation, it sound almost exactly like or at least the next door neighbor of EXCITEMENT! The difference is that fear carries disposition toward a negative outcome. What if you were able to change that slightly to a recognition? See the possible negative outcome but put it off to the side a bit and make room for the positive as well. After all, fear is just a signal that you care and there are stakes. We’ve taken too many of the edges off of life. “Our deepest fears are like dragons, guarding our deepest treasures.” -Rilke. Fear is a barrier that we must get through in order to realize our desires. If the thing that you’re chasing doesn’t carry some fear with it, aren’t you playing it safe then?

Perhaps I’ve convinced you! Perhaps not! But fear isn’t going anywhere! It is here to stay. The question becomes: what will be your relationship with it? Will you run from it? Hide from it? Or dance with it? Hear the signal that it’s giving you! This thing on the other side of fear, means something to you. If it’s a sabertooth tiger, by all means, RUN LIKE HELL! If it’s a job opportunity, a beautiful woman, handsome man, a goal, or whatever else; consider leaning into the fear because it’s a positive emotion!

The only thing we have to fear is not fear itself but inaction due to fear. That’s where real tragedy comes!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Human Element

Pete Huryk

The periodic table is organized in such a way that similar acting elements are grouped together. The Noble gases are put together because of their structure and common reluctance to react. More reactive elements are also grouped together to bring order to the basic components that make up this world. Scientists can put elements together, be confident about what will happen and the final result. Humans are far less predictable!

While we can be characterized in a variety of ways, it is almost impossible to predict how we will react in any given combination with others. Personality tests, ancestral background, love languages, communication styles and so many more components can be studied and quantified. Yet there is no certainty about anything that will result from human interaction. From my own life, I’ve had horrible relations with people who “on paper” should be my best friend. Then at the other end of the spectrum, I’ve felt closest to people who were vastly different, almost my antithesis. So, how do we exist in a world that is filled with such unpredictable creatures?

We pay attention, learn, try to understand and repeat. None of us is perfect! We’re bound to mess up from time to time. Even the most consistent people are going to have an off day. They are going to fuck up! We’re all flawed! Yet those flaws are often what make us beautiful. It proves that we are human. I’m sure that robots and angels exist with a consistency that we all think that we aspire to have. Yet I truly believe that the human element is crucial to a meaningful life. It’s where love and loss coalesce into equally important life experiences because they are not programmed. They’re human! Maybe it would be easier if there was an algorithm that put us together with the people that were best suited for us (eHarmony claims to have it). Yet there is something about this imperfect chemistry experiment that makes it feel worthwhile.

I miss you!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The C Word

Pete Huryk

I’m kind of fed up at this point! Recently, the C word seems to be everywhere. Mainly I’m worried about kids using it. Language patterns can be tough to break and they impact the way that we think. Repeatedly using a word that’s detrimental to our psyche can easily slip past the radar if “everyone is doing it!” I get it! Kids have foul mouths at times. They drop an F-bomb here or there. No problem! But why in the f#$&ing H double hockey sticks does anyone need to even say the most damaging four letter word of them all? CAN’T

It hurts me even to put that deplorable word onto the screen! Hopefully my mother doesn’t read this!

Of course, I’m being a little ridiculous about this. Can’t isn’t a traditional curse word. You won’t get sent to the principal’s office for saying it. However, it hurts me when I hear it used so easily surrounding actions that are quite simple and possible for the individual. Somehow, we’ve become enamored with our limits rather than our possibilities. And those limits aren’t based in reality! They’re some arbitrary construction that has been thrown up due to a small amount of difficulty.

Struggle, challenge, and difficulty are all reasonable train stations to get off at before reaching the last stop of CAN’T! Life is not that binary. If we treated more pursuits like toddlers do walking, we’d all be slightly better off. Cutting off future success due to a few stumbles is foolish enough that even babies know better than to do it. Or perhaps giving up is a learned trait that we need to stop teaching!

Watch your mouth today because your brain is listening!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Me First!

Pete Huryk

It’s an extremely selfish concept at face value. Putting yourself before everyone else is usually derided and chastised but sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. While the sentiment seems selfish, we must remember that the world is ruthless. It doesn’t tend to give out as many pats on the back as it does punches in the face. So there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to put yourself first. Especially when it comes to belief!

You need to believe in yourself first before anyone else’s belief matters. No matter how many people may be cheering you on from the sidelines. If you don’t believe, you’re sunk! Where that belief comes from is up to you. Maybe it’s based on past experience or examples from others. Or possibly it’s just a choice that needs to be made with no evidence whatsoever. Regardless, it’s a necessary component to any endeavor and it’s up to you first.

So put your hand up! Me first! I need to stand up and be counted before anyone else gets to vote.

Believe!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Refined or Re-Find?

Pete Huryk

I love language! There are so many nuances to the ways that we express things. Since language is a representation of thought, it means that we are even more nuanced mentally. Within each of us, there is a unique set of experiences, patterns and potential diverse enough to astound everyone we meet! And sometimes we just watch Netflix. Our actions define who we are in the moment and over the long haul. At one point, all of us were completely dependent on others for survival. Over time, we refined who we were until we were at least partially, if not wholly able to care for ourselves.

Going through the modern life of a human being can be tricky and as far as I know we’re the only species with the capability to “lose” ourself. Other animals singularly exist in their own experience. The existential crisis never hits them because the squirrel is too busy being a squirrel to be anything else. A human can be so many things that it can get confusing about whether we are being who we are or acting like what others want. With all of the nuance that comes in our lives, there is no true “authentic” self. If we were all being authentically human, we’d all be crapping in our pants and probably not wearing pants for that matter! But I digress. So the question isn’t one of authenticity, it is more comfortability. Are you comfortable in your skin representing to the world as who you are?

As we’ve become more “refined”, it’s easy to be swayed in one direction or the other toward actions that may not serve us. At that point, it may be necessary to “re-find” one’s self. Get back to some of the thoughts and actions that were seminal to the development of identity. Neither one is particularly the right move. Whether you feel the need to refine or re-find who you are, only you can make that choice. Other’s can thrust it upon you but the choice is in your hands. You’re never stagnant! At this moment, you’re a different person than you were when you started reading. Just be aware of that comfort that you have about sitting within your own skin.

Onward! Forward!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Now and Later (getting what you want)

Pete Huryk

For some reason, I’ve always had an issue deciphering between what I would call “2nd tier candy.” I don’t usually eat that much candy and other than a former colleague who used to love telling me the jokes from her Laffy Taffy, never had them thrust upon me. So Now and Later candies could be bitter, sweet, sour or all of the above and I really wouldn’t know. However, I do recognize the bitter and sweet relationship between now and later in life.

As humans, we respond so much better to now. It’s extremely concrete, urgent and gives us immediate feedback. Whether it’s a piece of candy or an Amazon Prime purchase, we get that rush of the moment and often it whisks us away.

Later is a much tougher concept. Yes! We can rationalize long term benefits because our brains have developed to do so. However, it takes slightly more effort because we have to get past a lot of nows to get to later. That can be difficult, especially today because so many people and corporations want to hijack your now.

So it’s really up to you and what you want. The original title to this blogpost was going to be “there’s no six pack in your future without crunches in your present.” That might have been a more specific post meant just for me but you get the point. So many of the things that we want for ourselves require a long term view. It’s not easy. It’s not convenient and often we must forego a lot of sweet moments in favor of bitter ones. Swallowing down all of those difficult moments is necessary and we know it. Unfortunately, many of us tend to lose heart and focus because of all the now that we’re sacrificing. So make sure that this thing is something that you really want, then pony up all of the now that’s necessary.

Later is on its way and no one can stop it. The version of you that shows up is dependent upon how you spend the nows in between. How will you feel when later shows up? Proud that you held onto that vision of later and stayed the course? Or regretful for all of the nows that were squandered? As usual, it’s up to you!

Later!!!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Shake The Etch a Sketch

Pete Huryk

One of my favorite thoughts to come back to regularly is David Foster Wallace’s talk “This Is Water!” If you’ve never heard it, the video on YouTube is worth the ten minutes! It basically outlines a need to be conscious of your default thoughts because they can become invisible like water. They surround and permeate our lives in ways that we tend to not even notice. We run on a form of autopilot through situations. Seeing the world much like we did yesterday and the day before that. Problems arise when the water or picture no longer serves. In an effort to not throw out the proverbial baby (or fish) with the bath water, the picture metaphor works much better in this case. We can have a picture for different portions of our lives that can independently be reworked.

As a kid, one of the most pervasive toys that all kids seemed to have was the Etch A Sketch. It was a drawing toy that you used knobs to draw on a “screen” and shaking it would give a new surface to draw on. Perhaps it is time to shake the Etch A Sketch on different picture models that you have for your life. Seeing yourself, a situation or your life differently can be complicated and difficult. Some of the pictures we have of who we are can be decades old. Yet, it may be necessary to shake those longstanding ones up. Our beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of shape our thoughts and actions. The things that we will or will not consider are based largely upon these models. So take a look and decide if you need a shake up!

It’s far easier for me to say than for anyone to do! BELIEVE ME I KNOW! Some of the pictures that I have in my head seem like they are etched in stone, not a child’s toy. Even if they are, it is incumbent on me to fix it, redraw it and yes shake it up! (Not off, that’s Taylor Swift). So despite the discomfort and difficulty, take a look at your pictures of the world and decide if they work or not. Maybe you’ve actually had some of them since your Etch A Sketch days.

Give ‘Em a shake!

Pete

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

Soccer In America: The Question of Lagging Behind

Pete Huryk

There is a desire among soccer fans to understand why the USMNT is “lagging” behind other nations. “We have great facilities and coaches. Why are we still behind other nations that are much smaller and less equipped?” A colleague asked me to respond to this perspective which I’m happy to do but as we begin, remember that this is not a problem of simple math where 2+2=4. This is an equation of multivariable calculus. The solution is not as simple as everyone would like for it to be but it is there nonetheless.

Credit: Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

The French Hockey Variable – If you were to research all of the characteristics of the best hockey players in the world, you would most likely find that a large percentage of them speak French. Therefore any hockey club that is looking to build a superior program should teach their players French. Obviously this is a ridiculous idea. However underlying the concept is a nugget of truth that needs to be realized. French is not the common denominator but it is an indicator. The indication is that a large number of the best hockey players come from French speaking Canada. The French is irrelevant but what is extremely relevant is the cultural implications. These players come from a place where success in that particular sport is nurtured and encouraged. The love for the sport is felt through their entire existence.

Largely the United States is still learning French. We are hoping that by playing Frankenstein’s Monster with soccer that national team results can meet the expectations of the few hardcore fans. Unfortunately that is not likely to work. Cultural shifts take a long time especially in a nation as large and diverse as the US. A small nation like Iceland has a much better chance of achieving a cultural overhaul that produces notable results on the international stage. Turning a motorboat is easier than turning an ocean liner. The United States will eventually hit a “tipping point” where an avalanche of cultural practices will reap benefits at the highest level. Again my prediction is 2026 but let’s keep moving on those variables.

The Distraction Variable – Unfortunately many people within the system of soccer are more interested in personal gain rather than altruistic motives for the improvement of the sport. An Icelandic youth player is probably separated from a national team player by a few degrees. So the dream of playing for the national team is real. Also the meaning of playing for the national team is potent with pride because basically everyone in the country cares. Kids in the US have so many more “shiny objects” to distract them before the USMNT is even a consideration. Elite teams, scholarships, academies, etc. are a confusing system of hoops that have some meaning but are not particularly a path leading to the USMNT or the betterment of soccer in this country. Since the system is difficult to decipher, kids and parents need to rely upon people who know the game. Since solidarity payments are not made to developmental clubs, the motivation for lower level clubs is to gain status by keeping talent rather than selling it up the pyramid. This system is changing slowly and many of the “fākademies” are being revealed as nothing more than profit centers rather than rungs on the soccer ladder. Once parents and players can see a direct path from the youth to professional game, the inflation of youth soccer will level off.

The En Vogue Variable – Although soccer is gaining popularity overall, Major League Soccer is far behind the upward trajectory of the sport. There are many reasons for this but eventually they need to break down. At one point, the Serie A was the most popular league in the world. At the moment, the English Premier League holds that moniker. In the future, MLS needs to hit that level and I believe that it will. However before it can, the league needs for soccer fans in the US to embrace it. Lack of great players, lack of history, lack of American superstars, and all of the other excuses that fans give for not supporting this league will eventually fade away. At that point, MLS will become like Marvel. Once something becomes popular then everyone “was always a fan.”

The Generation Variable – One or more of these variables could tip and cause the avalanche that brings the results that hardcore soccer fans want. This variable could have the strongest influence but also would be the hardest to track. My father didn’t play soccer. I started that tradition in my family. So I refer to myself as a first generation soccer player. My son now plays which makes him second generation. He is more educated about the game than I was at his age. The thing about a generational impact is that it is exponential growth. A player has three kids and that has potential of 3X growth. Since the US flirted with soccer throughout the 1900’s and especially in the 1970’s, it’s hard to pinpoint the generational effect. However it exists and if it hits at the right time with some of these other variables, THE WORLD WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!

Soccer in the US is not lagging behind other countries any more than we are lagging behind in consumption of chocolate. We ranked 8th in that statistic in 2019. Switzerland led the way by doubling our per capita consumption. There are some things that are difficult to determine about the US. One that I am never in doubt about is that we will find a way to achieve whatever we deem important. At some point, we’ll decide that soccer is important and this perceived lag will be history.

USMNT World Cup Champs 2026!

Pete