Author: Pete Huryk

I'm an author and public speaker from New Jersey. My topics are usually aimed toward teenagers and range from self-esteem/self-reliance to peak performance in sports.
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The Best There’s Ever Been

Pete Huryk

AliThere are often debates with sports about who is the “Best There’s Ever Been”.  In basketball, names like Michael Jordan, Lebron James and Wilt Chamberlain come up often.  In soccer, the names are usually Pele or Messi.  Muhammad Ali proclaimed himself to be the “greatest of all time”.  Many of these conversations are apples to oranges comparisons that are nothing more than opinion.  The positive side to these debates is that they give a peak model for the newcomers to follow.

For most of us, we were not born with the necessary tools to be the “best ever” in anything.  The books “The Talent Code” and “Outliers” outline many of the factors that contribute to the recipe of greatness.  Despite the lack of ingredients, there is no reason for the everyday person to shy away from the thought of greatness.  We must reach for rungs on a ladder that we are able to climb effectively.  By comparing myself to Messi, I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment.  In order to find true comparative success in anything, there is one basis for comparison – self!

In ourselves we can find both our truest basis for comparison and our best competition.  “Never try to be better than someone else.  But rather be the best you can be.” is a quote from legendary UCLA coach John Wooden.  As we standardize test and rank everything from our number of friends to attractiveness, it seems as though we’ve become obsessed with comparison to others.  This obsession moves us farther from the comparison that we really must  do in front of a mirror or in our mind’s eye.  You don’t need to try to be the best there’s ever been.  You only need to be the best you that you’ve ever been.

Go do you!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Where the hell are you going?

Pete Huryk

directionFor several years, I was a a pizza delivery guy.  I’m good with directions and my eyesight didn’t start to go until I was thirty, so it was a great fit.  Every once in a while, I would completely “zone out” as I was driving.  I would be halfway to my destination when I realized that I was giving absolutely no thought to where I was going.  This form of “auto-pilot” never interfered with my job because the destination was set-up someplace in my subconscious mind.

Life can often feel like this.  You have no idea where you are going but you’re traveling down the road at 50 MPH without a care in the world.  This might not be a problem if you’ve defined your destination and have set up systems to keep you on course.  Unfortunately it is usually not the case.  Especially for young people, speed seems to be more important than direction.  If distance covered is your goal, then speed is your friend.  However reaching the correct destination requires, direction first and speed second.

So it might help to ask “Where the hell am I going?”  Today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, in general.  Once you know where you are going, it is much easier to check in with yourself each day to see if you’re going in the right direction.  Then you can decide to go faster.

Sidenote: The GPS has made asking for directions a rare occurrence.  However if you are ever lost, don’t go to a gas station to ask directions.  Go to a pizza delivery place, they actually know how to get places.

Get focused and get going!

Pete

 

 

Blogpost, self-reliance

Levantarse

Pete Huryk

levitateAs a speaker of Spanish and English, I get a good perspective on the differences between the two languages.  One of the most confusing differences for English speakers is reflexive verbs.  In Spanish, you wake yourself up, wash yourself and brush yourself your teeth.  There are many actions that Spanish specifically tells you that you do to yourself.  For example, the verb levantar means “to lift” but levantarse means “to lift one’s self or get up”.  This simple difference in the way that an idea is expressed can change our perception of self.

Our language sometimes limits our thought process because we often think in words.  The idea that we lift ourselves up is not a difficult one to understand.  However it is one that we may take for granted.  We’re too busy getting up every morning to remember who is lifting us up and why.  Even though we are always lifting ourselves up, we may feel forced to do it.

There is power in choice.  Deciding on the reasons why you are getting up in the morning gives you the power to live with purpose.  It is much easier to slog through difficult times when there is something waiting for us at the end.  If all you see is the slog, then life is the slog.  So even though the day has already begun, it’s not too late to decide what today is about for you.  Why did you get up this morning?  If you don’t like the answer that you give then re-ask the question with a broader scope of possibility.

Make it a great day.

Pete

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The Man in the Arena

Pete Huryk

MITAphotoIn 1910, Theodore Roosevelt gave a speech in Paris called “Citizen in a Republic”.  It outlined several of the characteristics necessary for citizens in a republic to have.  There is a particular excerpt from that speech that talks about the “Man in the Arena”.  It bemoans the role of the critics and praises the value of the “doer of deeds”.  Despite this speech being a century old, it’s message rings true today.

In 1988, I was in the 7th grade and the “Man in the Arena” excerpt caught my eye.  It was framed in the front of Mr. Tomlinson’s classroom.  Since that year, I have had that quote basically memorized.  In the beginning, I was drawn in by the gritty language, “whose face is marred by dust and  sweat and blood.”  Over the years, the meaning and the gravity of the words have changed.  I no longer picture gladiators or sportsmen when I read it.

Now I picture everyday people choosing to do important things or choosing to become critics.  Mostly I see young people who are being thrust into a new and uncertain world.  Their willingness to “get into the arena” may be our hope for the future.  As we leave a century where there was a pre-scripted plan for success.  The new century has already proven tumultuous and the winners seem to be the ones who are willing to “dare greatly”.

I hope that you are willing to step into the arena.  The arena of life that demands that you act and not critique.  The place where you find your greatest passions and devotions.  In the arena, you will not be shielded from failure but instead will face it and learn to dance with it.  “There is no effort without error and shortcoming.”  Be willing to fail forward, so that your triumph is greater because it came with a cost.  The cost of action, passion and bravery that not everyone is willing to pay.

Get in the arena!

Pete

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The Energy Transfer

Pete Huryk

energyYour body and mind work on a form of energy.  Thoughts are electrical impulses.  Muscles contract based on signals sent from that system.  You are a ball of “wet” energy.  Consuming and expending energy every day.  I am going to expand this a bit further to look at transferring energy.

Imagine, if you will, that you actually transferred energy to everything you touched.  At the moment, I’d be putting energy into the keyboard through my fingers and into the chair through my butt and legs.  If I were to catalog my energy transfers through the day, I might find out that I am supplying energy mostly to my bed, couch and cellphone.   While this idea is mildly fictitious, it is a useful thing to consider.

Are you pouring energy into things that really matter to you?  Or is your ass supplying so much energy to your couch that it might overload?   As you go through your day, pay attention to where your energy is flowing.  Is it reaching anything important to you?  If not, it might be time to make some changes.

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Love and Peanut Allergies

Pete Huryk

Peanut heartRecently I’ve given this advice to some younger people in my life, my hope is that it helps someone avoid relationship potholes.  During my college years, I dated the same girl on and off for almost three years.  We ran on a six month cycle.  Almost every six months we would have some big issue and it would end with us breaking up.  Inevitably we would get back together a few weeks or a month later.  That would start a new six month cycle.

With each breakup came a few friends or family members that would say “she was a b____!” or something like that.  I never felt comfortable with that kind of 180 degree turn.  After spending months of being “in love” with this person, how could I forget all of the positive that quickly and focus on the negative.  It just didn’t sit well with me because although obviously not a perfect fit, she did have many of the characteristics I wanted.  The problem was that I had not diagnosed my “allergies” before we started.

People with acute peanut allergies have to be extremely cautious.  Their life depends on avoiding certain substances.  People with seasonal allergies are often inconvenienced by the amount of pollen in the air.  In both cases, it is intelligent to take necessary steps to diagnose and use preventative measures.  This mode of thinking can be used very effectively for relationships as well.

I did not have a “peanut allergy” to my college girlfriend.  It was seasonal and only became pronounced in certain circumstances.  The problem was not her but the combination of us and environmental factors.  I selected someone that was going to continually provoke my “allergic” symptoms.  We very rarely get into relationships with people who cause major “allergic” reactions because like a peanut allergy, the reaction is immediate and pronounced.  So the key is to go in with a plan.

Write down a description of your perfect partner.  Take as much time and paper as you need.  Go into detail on all levels: physically, mentally and emotionally.  List all of your MUST HAVES but list your MUST NOT HAVES as well.  These are your violent allergic reactions.  SHOULD NOTS will be your seasonal allergies that may crop up from time to time.  With this list, you are more likely to diagnose problems early and make an informed decision on how to proceed.

Too often we start a relationship and “love, lust, attraction” all take hold and we no longer diagnose anything.  We go on autopilot taking in all of the good and ignoring the bad that could eventually cause major problems.  If you’re still in high school, you don’t need to do this yet.  You need some failed experiments to figure out what it is that you want in the first place.  Once you understand your “allergies” (both severe and seasonal), you’ll be able to have a better chance of finding someone for the long term.

Click HERE to tell me about your experiments and findings.

Good luck in your search.

Pete

 

 

 

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I’m a punk soccer nerd

Pete Huryk

breakfast clubHigh school is a tough time for many reasons.  It is a time when young people are looking to solidify their independence from their parents.  At the same time they create new relationships that tend to define those years in so many ways.  It is extremely cliche but generally you are the company that you keep.  That is why cliques and labels become so widespread in high school because it is easier to lump people in with a group rather than take each person as an individual.  With everyone looking to discover who they are, they are not all that interested in finding out who everyone else is.

Perhaps I was fortunate that I had absolutely no idea who I was in high school and became quite comfortable with that fact.  I played soccer and ran track, so despite being athletic I wasn’t considered a “jock”.  My best friends smoked and listened to punk, so they would be considered “burnouts”.  Fortunately I liked the music but didn’t wear the uniform or pick up the bad habits.  My other circle of friends included at least four guys in the top ten of our class.  I got decent grades and loved learning things but refused to join the National Honor Society.  The adjective “normal” was used to describe me once and I took major offense.  At the time, I was just hoping for a better label.

In the end I’m not sure who the labels help more.  Does the label give the outside world a quick grouping system that allows them to dismiss the different?  Or does it give the individual a sense of self because they at least know their classification within the social class structure?

No matter who it helps more, it definitely has more possibility to hurt the individual.  This may not be in the “bullying” sense but rather a surrendering of self.  At this vulnerable time of life and in a society of pre-scripted paths, young people are capable of following to the point of almost non-existence.  They become the persona rather than a person.  None of this is particularly new nor likely to change quickly but in a world of almost infinite choices shouldn’t we be getting closer to being able to choose ourselves?

Let me know what you think.  Click here.

Be you today people!

Pete

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The Goonies

Pete Huryk

GooniesI recently watched a movie from my childhood called “The Goonies”.  If you’ve never watched it, it’s worth a look.  It’s the story of a group of misfit friends who are thrown into an amazing adventure.  Like so many of the movies from my childhood, it is something that is timeless to me for a variety of reasons.  Although it’s been almost thirty years since I first saw it, I know what attracted me to the movie at the time.  It was foul mouthed kids that weren’t too different from me that fell into adventure on their own.

In my early teen years, my friends and I were always getting into low level Goonie adventures.  We never found a pirate ship or fought off criminals but we did a lot without supervision.  I’m not sure if the movie inspired us to test the limits or if we would have done that anyway.  Our boundaries slowly but surely expanded from our backyard to as far as our bikes would carry us.  It was a slow and steady process of discovery over years.  These years gave us a sense of confidence that we could handle things on our own and avoid getting into trouble at the same time.

The world is a different place and I feel as though the ability/desire to find and handle those Goonie adventures is being lost.  The process of creating adventures and responsibility for the consequences is an exclusively adult job these days.  Kids have little ability to make minor mistakes much less big ones.  At some point they will be faced with the world and I wonder if they will recoil due to a lack of experience or rise to the challenge.  The self-reliance that we gained is something that I cherish.  Where would I be without it?  I really don’t want to know.

Go and have an adventure today.  Also tell me about one of your Goonie adventures by clicking here.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lifeguards, seat belts and fire extinguishers

Pete Huryk

matchThis post will be short because the concept is simple.  Lifeguards, seat belts and fire extinguishers are all put into place because they are intended to save your life in times of peril.  None of these safety measures is infallible.  There is no guarantee that you’ll be saved.

However there is something that these and other devices cannot ever save you from: your self.  These devices cannot protect the person who is completely self-destructive.  Fire extinguishers can put out fires not stop a pyromaniac.

This is so simple when it’s fires, accidents and drowning.  It’s much tougher to identify when it is a habit that we don’t realize is tearing us apart.  We think that the world keeps setting fires in front of us to be put out.  Unfortunately we take no notice of the matches that we casually flick into the brush as we stroll through life.  Take a deep look at your actions and see if you need to decide not to light some of the matches you have in your pocket.

Light a fire that propels you upward but doesn’t burn you up.

Thanks,

Pete

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Halloween 365

Pete Huryk

HalloweenFor my first Halloween, I was dressed up like a girl by my older brother.  I’ve not been able to retrieve a copy of the photo but when I do, I’ll put it up.  That costume was not my choice nor my design but I wore it anyway.  As I grew older, some years I was able to choose my costume.  Others my mother, economics or indifference influenced my decisions.  Regardless every year, I was dressed up in some kind of disguise to go in search of the “treats” that the world had to offer.

The thing about Halloween is that the disguise is expected.  You’re supposed to act like someone or something else.  The other 364 days of the year, you’re supposed to be yourself.  However that’s not always as easy as it might seem.  Much like the rosy-cheeked little girl that I was that first Halloween, sometimes our disguises are thrust upon us.  Or we’ve forgotten why we chose them in the first place and they feel uncomfortable and small.  The key factor is that we are conscious that we are making a choice about the disguises we were each day.  Some will be close to our truest self and others further away.  Regardless of what disguise you are wearing, it’s important to remember that you chose it.

Halloween is 365 days per year.  Sometimes I’m a teacher, an author, a father, a friend or kind stranger.  These are just some of the “disguises” that I wear.  It’s not that I am ever faking any of this.   I believe in all of these “disguises”.  However by never settling on any of them being the only me, it puts no limits on who I can be.  I was only the little girl once.  It didn’t fit and I didn’t like it.  I’ve been “the father” for over nine years.  I love that role and I’ll keep playing it for years to come.  It gets tweaked daily and eventually will look nothing like it does today.  This might not be for everyone but I see Halloween every day.

Wear your best combination of masks to get the best “treats” you can from life.

Pete