Author: Pete Huryk

I'm an author and public speaker from New Jersey. My topics are usually aimed toward teenagers and range from self-esteem/self-reliance to peak performance in sports.
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Paranoid and the Self-Righteous

Pete Huryk

paranoid“Finished with my woman ’cause she couldn’t help me with my mind.  People think I’m insane ’cause I am frowning all the time.”  Those lines don’t even need the backing of guitars or drums to churn a feeling of very raw emotion in my stomach.  “Paranoid” by Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath was the preferred soundtrack of my pre-high school years.  Despite its melancholy and borderline hopeless lyrics, it always seemed to be able to put me into a frenzy that required action of some kind.  My music selection at the time came as a surprise to many especially my middle school French teacher, Madame Gowie.

Although I’m not quite sure where my ability for languages came from, I was able to display talent even in middle school.  Nothing says “cool” in middle school better than being good in French class!  Unfortunately I was slightly unaware of what it took to be cool and became one of Madame Gowie’s favorites with the French name of “Pierre Paul” to boot.  The first time when I truly disappointed the good Madame was when I brought in a picture of someone famous for description.  My magazine picture of Ozzy Osbourne left her in a state of disgust.  Her thoughts about Mr. John Michael Osbourne were not positive in the slightest and it possibly changed her thoughts about me.  For my own part, I had a much stronger positive feeling toward Mr. Osbourne and the effect he had on my life.  So I took up the more normal disposition and disliked French class with my peers.

It was almost too easy for Madame Gowie and others to dislike Ozzy Osbourne.  He sang loud music that they disliked.  His song “Suicide Solution” had been under scrutiny in a court case where a family alleged that the song caused their son’s suicide.  He bit the heads off of bats and doves, what was there to like?

I’m not trying to portray Ozzy Osbourne as my hero by any stretch of the imagination.  My point is that for many people, his “evil” became a way for them to feel more righteous.  It is all too common of a practice today that we mask our own weakness and shortcoming by focusing on those who are worse than us.  If we are fat, we find the obese or our heavier past to feel good.  Do not look to the evil of others to find your righteousness.  You should be able to have a sense of pride in who you are and what you do without the disclaimer of comparing yourself to another.  It is a shell game that you can’t ever win.  “I can’t see the things that lead to happiness, I must be blind.”  There should be a level of autonomy to who you are and how you feel about yourself.  By comparing yourself to others too often, you are either inflating or deflating that which is unique and special about you.

“I tell you to enjoy life….” forget the rest.

Pete

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Quality or Quantity

Pete Huryk

Quality or QuantityIn recent weeks in my house, music has become a regular topic of conversation.  I’m going to go on a music tangent for a few posts.  So what better place to start than my “favorite” song.  I use the quotations because much like a teenage girl having five different “best” friends, I am unable to etch the title in stone with complete certainty in all situations.  Despite my uncertainty, I will take this opportunity to speak on its behalf.

“Quality or Quantity” by Bad Religion is a one minute and thirty four second barrage of aggressive guitars and drums only to be paralleled by the thought provoking lyrics that are sung over them.  As a young man, I was drawn to the group and their songs because their rebellious nature matched my own.  Songs like “Do what you want” were irreverent enough to align with the feelings of a teenage boy searching for his place.  The surprising thing is not that Q or Q became my favorite song but that it has stayed in that position for so long.

The reason for its longevity is the fact that it sparks a new thought in my present situation each time that I hear it.  As it has been said by many others, “you can never step in the same river twice because each time, the water is different and you are different.”  In the 1990’s Q or Q was an angry rally against the materialism of the world.  It made me think long and hard about the perception of the US to the rest of the world.  At the time I also thought there was an answer.  Obviously quality was the more desirable of the two in all situations.  Leave it to a young man to think he knows everything.

Now as an older and hopefully wiser man, the song hits me in very different ways.  The answer is not so simple and I’m not as angry.  There truly is a choice to be made between quality and quantity in each day.  Circumstances are rarely such that we can choose highest quality in every single moment.  The choices that we make on a moment to moment basis add up to a sum total of our life experience.  The choices are almost infinite and that particular quantity puts a huge responsibility on each individual.  We must be filters of our own experience.  Being deliberate in the way that we spend our time and emotion is essential to finding balance.

I’m not sure how it fits but I am now less concerned about finding the answers.  Now I revel more in finding myself in the search.

Enjoy the search today.

Pete

 

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Better Mediocrity

Pete Huryk

mediocreMediocre means “ordinary, average, middle-of-the-road, unexceptional, lackluster and forgettable.”  In many ways, I would put myself in the category of mediocre.  I’m 5 foot 9 inches tall and weigh 190 pounds.  My bench press and squat numbers are nothing impressive.  I got a 1060 on my SATs (the old version).  My yearly income is nothing to “write home about”.  By most accounts, I am pretty mediocre.

The thought of mediocrity has been one that has entered my mind several times over the past year.  The realization of my own mediocrity was nothing new.  I have little chance to become exceptional in most areas.  Even for my age, the benchmarks of excellence are pretty high.  This divide creates a chasm that stagnates improvement.  With the possibility of excellence off the table, it is easy to see why so many people lose their drive.  However it is actually in this chasm that I believe we actually have the greatest of societal opportunities.  As a collective (Athletes, Americans, Humans), we can choose to strive for better mediocrity.

In the past, I have written about the “Bannister Effect” and how the breaking of new ground creates possibilities for others to follow.  That is a concept that I still endorse wholeheartedly.  However as I thought about my own mediocrity, I came to realize that we need a “second wave”.  There must be another push from the middle.  The outliers pulling forward will only have an effect on those that are close to their level.  For example, the 10s only pull the 9s forward but the effect is almost unnoticeable by the time that it reaches the critical mass in the middle.

This second wave needs to be created as an individual and a  collective undertaking.  The mediocre individual competes for the most part with himself.  Improving with a partially selfish desire to take a step up one rung on the ladder.  Despite this selfish motivation, the individual also recognizes his membership of a collective (Athletes, Americans, Humans).  The “mediocre Americans” are getting better.  The middle of the road changes from 5 to 7 and there is a pride in self and the collective.

Better mediocrity would change so many things about our lives and expectations.  Perhaps mediocre would no longer be a slight insult but rather an identifiable force pushing the forerunners to greater excellence.  If you happen to be mediocre, choose to be better mediocre!

Pete

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Know Thyself (Protect Your Baby)

Pete Huryk

emily 60608 010This is by far one of my favorite pictures.  It seemingly represents a father “asleep on the job”.  The parenting books say that you shouldn’t do this.  However I have this identical photo with my son and I never had a mishap.  There are many reasons why I love this picture.  One is that it is a reminder of a period of time when I learned a lot about myself.

The learning curve for a first-time (and even second time) parent is pretty steep.  Your life is filled with turmoil and you work on less sleep than seems humanly possible.  A key to survival as a parent is self-knowledge.  My wife and I were a good team through the infant stages because we knew our own and the other’s strengths.  My cuddle naps were a piece of the puzzle that made a difficult time more manageable.  I knew that I wouldn’t roll because the cargo was too precious.  Raising a child is a mixture of trial and error with a complete belief that you will not fail no matter what.

Babies teach you a lot about yourself because you can’t bargain with them.  They let you know their needs on a constant basis.  Your complaints, excuses and convenience do not matter to a new born baby.  They will test your limits and then retest them the next day.  Ultimately you end up finding strength that you never thought you had before.  It is inevitable because you have no other choice.

What is your baby?  Is it making the varsity team?  Is it singing a solo in the concert?  Is it running a marathon?  Is it asking that special someone to prom?  Is it finishing that book that you started six months ago?

Take care of your baby.  Keep it warm and safe.  Feed it with the best fuel that you can find.  Help it get on its feet.  Stand it back up when it falls flat on its face.  Help it find its legs and walk on its own.  Protect it from the ridicule of others.  Watch it grow and be proud of what it becomes because it is yours.

Sea Isle City 089Take care of your baby!  Even when it throws up in your face!

Pete

 

 

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Join the Club (Closing Time)

Pete Huryk

During one summer in college, I worked as a buss-boy and bar-back at a Mexican restaurant in Ocean City, MD.  It was kind of ironic that in a popular Mexican restaurant, all of the cooks, wait-staff and buss-boys were American or Scottish.  The mixture of different groups of people made for an interesting work environment.  I learned a lot in that job about how people relate.

On one particular night as we were closing up, a popular song came on the radio called “Closing time”.  One of the dishwashers, a fifteen year old, was singing along as he waited for his ride.  He was almost instantly chastised by a cook because he “didn’t understand what closing time was all about!”  The entire exchange was a little weird.  As someone who had experienced closing time, I didn’t see why the cook was making such a big deal out of it.  For whatever reason, membership in the ‘closing time’ club was important to this guy.  He let the poor dishwasher know in no uncertain terms that he was not part of the club.

Human beings are communal animals.  We often identify very heavily by our affiliations.  Depending on your preferences, you might be part of the GOP, PTA, NRA, FFA, CIA, NAACP or a thousand other acronyms.  There’s also a possibility that you fly the American, Confederate, Rainbow, Mexican or Peace Flag.  Most of these communities are exclusive and have trouble accepting the existence of their counterparts.  Our differences separate us in many ways.  Just like the cook who thought his perception of closing time was something that was important enough to put he and the dishwasher on different planes.  Our communities that we choose define us in many ways but in the end we are all human.

As I think more and more about the state of the world and our place in it, one thought reverberates: in most cases, we are our only predators.  For the most part, we conquered nature in so many ways that we basically no longer worry about predators.  It is only the people that are different from us that cause a challenge, a threat or fear.  We seem determined to take our differences to the extreme in order to invite or possibly even cause our own closing time.  Are our differences so important as to bring the end to another, ourselves or everyone?  I believe there are causes that warrant the ultimate sacrifice.  On the other hand, are there sacrifices that are completely unwarranted?  Is destroying your enemy’s boat so important when you share that boat?

I was just thinking….

Pete

 

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The Fog and The Fear

Pete Huryk

DelawareMemSunday morning I drove from Maryland to a soccer tournament in South Jersey.  I crossed the Delaware Memorial Bridge at about 7:30 am.  This is not a major problem but I have a fear of heights.  When I cross high bridges, I usually get a tingling sensation in my legs.  It is a physical reaction to my mental picture of the bridge coincidentally collapsing as my car crosses it.  This fear is not debilitating, just a sensation that I have to move past.   There was a heavy fog that morning and I could not see any indication of height.  Strangely enough there was no tingling in my legs despite knowing that the height was there.  This was extremely odd because the tingling has been consistent for years.

Fog is nothing more than a dense accumulation of water molecules that clouds our vision slightly.  The fog allowed my vision to focus on the road ahead and nothing else.  It’s such as simple thing but it is profound as well.  The thing that we fear is very rarely staring us right in the face.  It is usually on the periphery and we allow it to distract us just enough to cause accidents or immobilize us.  The fog didn’t take away the possibility of danger, it only blurred my acknowledgement of it.  As you set a goal, fog your fear as well.

Make your goal ever-present.  Put it in front of you in pictures, words and emotions.  Print it out in 72 pt font.  Ingrain its presence into your consciousness like a hot rivet being driven into a steel beam.  Then take your fears and put them out there in the fog.  If you’re a picture person, put the photo of your fear behind wax paper.  Print it in 4 pt font, so that by comparison that fear is extremely small.  It is acknowledged but not as big as the goal.    Fear is almost never completely extinguished.  The key is to make it an ember rather than a bonfire.  Embers are easy to ignore.  Fog your fear and focus on your goal.

Go for that big thing today, tomorrow and the next day!

Pete

 

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In Search of Better

Pete Huryk

mirrorIn my dating years, the term “trading up” was used quite often.  I’m not sure if it is still common but it basically meant finding a new and better boy/girlfriend before breaking up with your present one.  It was a regular practice that safeguarded the person against the uncertainty of being single while creating the possibility of a “better” relationship.  Trading up is not an unreasonable reaction for someone who is searching for better.

In many areas, the idea of better is completely subjective.  Partners, jobs, towns, sports and so many other things can be held up in comparison with “better” only being true in the eye of each individual beholder.  Despite this subjectivity, we use these comparisons to find the people, things and situations that will make us happy.  The search for better is a natural human inclination.  All of our senses are keenly attuned to find the subtle differences that make someone or something better.

The most difficult place to look is often the place that we are most familiar.  In the trading up of the dating world, I wonder how often the thought has arisen “what if I were better?”  It is easy to be self-righteous and assume that we are faultless.  Unfortunately we all know that it isn’t true.  So wouldn’t it serve us all, if the search was not for a better partner or place but a search for a better self?  Then we might live up rather than trade up.  There would be no deception and no fear of being single because we would know our value from staring it in the mirror each day.

Perhaps you do need to move on to a new person, place or situation but remember that the one thing that you will always carry with you is YOU!  So be prepared in that better situation to be better yourself.

Be better today!

Pete

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Life at 65 MPH

Pete Huryk

GapThis afternoon I was driving back from Pennsylvania through the Delaware Water Gap.  As I was driving, I listened to the audio version of a biography on Teddy Roosevelt (I’m really cool).  As I listened to the stories of events that happened a century ago, it started me thinking about my surroundings.  The Delaware Water Gap is a marvel of nature that makes the one hundred year space between Teddy and I seem like a millisecond.  I wondered, where are we going in such a hurry?

The pace of almost everything seems to be skyrocketing upward.  For example travel: in little over one hundred years, we’ve gone from walking, riding horses and trains to cars to planes to supersonic jets to hyper-loops (Elon Musk).  The pace is not limited to travel.  It affects technology, communication, commerce and change.

As we move at this speed, it seems that in many ways the world is getting smaller.  We can get to a place in three hours that used to take several days.  We can communicate with someone on the other side of the world instantaneously.  While this speed is a great advantage in many respects, it does rob us of the details that life has to offer.  At 65 MPH the river and the mountains are a moving backdrop to a functional carnival ride.  Having hiked the trails in the Gap, I know there’s a large stream that empties into the river.   My kids have played on the moss covered stones and tickled their toes with the crisp clear water.  You can’t get there traveling at 65 MPH.  You need to slow down, stop the car and get out to walk.  Speed is efficient but is it effective?

The underlying thought that keeps coming back to me is, where are we going in such a hurry?  If our destination is new frontiers that we’ve never seen then I’m fully in favor.  If we are trying to get to McDonald’s before they stop serving breakfast, then I wonder if we’ve missed something.  If we are on the web or our phones to extract new ideas from thought leaders that we’d never get the chance to meet in real life, then the price of our data package is worth it.  If we are re-watching the same youtube video of the kitten playing the piano 100 times, then the price is too high.  Inventions are intended to enhance our experiences and not rob them from us.

sunriseAs we move faster and the world gets smaller, I hope that we take time to truly experience life.  Use the technology that you have as a key to open doors rather than a chain to lock you down.  If you have a device in your pocket that can contact almost anyone you choose, use it to tell someone something of substance.  Don’t text them a message that says nothing.  Our lives should be filled with experiences that make it worth the while.  Blurring those experiences with speed and efficiency may get us more experience but it will be more blurriness.

“Quality or Quantity.  Don’t tell me they’re the same!”  – Greg Graffin

Go out and experience!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The V.O.C.

Pete Huryk

VocIn today’s high-speed world, people use acronyms more often than ever before.  In the past people hoped to be the MVP, a VIP or the CEO.    Now we are saying IDK, LOL, BRB and other things that I don’t even feel comfortable writing in acronym form.  Today I’ve decided to coin my own acronym.  It applies to many people and even applies to me at times.  Rather than being a VIP, we seem intent upon being the V.O.C.

The VOC is the Victim Of Circumstance.  It’s a really tough place to live.  Circumstances keep piling up on these individuals that they don’t like.  The world has thrust all of this upon them.  They don’t like their job, school, boyfriend/girlfriend, lack of popularity, lack of influence or prospects for the future.  These people have it, THE WORST EVER!.  Go ahead and try to tell them about a bad situation in your life and they can find one from theirs that is ten times worse.  The worst thing in most cases about being a member of the VOC club is that you have to choose to be a member!

That is one heck of a choice to make.  There are many things in this world that we should choose to be, a victim should not be one of them.  The problem with being a victim is the lack of power.  It is by nature a position of weakness and defense.  At some point the VOC decided that it was better to be weak, defensive and blameless rather than taking responsibility for themselves.  This is a dangerous bargain to make because eventually it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When you are wearing brown tinted glasses, everything in the world looks like feces.

So rather than being the VOC, become the DOC.  The Director Of Circumstances is not completely in control of circumstance but acts more like a traffic cop.  The DOC decides what he or she will let pass and what needs to be stopped and evaluated further.  The traffic cop is separate from the traffic.  They may cause it, they may alleviate it but they are not the traffic.  Ultimately, they can usually move to a different intersection if their position becomes too much to handle.  It is a game of choice.

Direct your life today!  Don’t be a victim within it!

Pete

 

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Life is…

Pete Huryk

1998In 1998, my best friend, Schaefer, and I spent a month in Europe.  We truly went to watch five matches at the World Cup but we also traveled to England, Spain, Germany and France.  In many ways you could not have picked a more perfect vacation for me: best friend, Europe and soccer.

We actually arrived prior to the Cup starting and did some traveling in England and then headed to Barcelona, Spain.  After spending about three days in Barcelona, we were scheduled to take a train to Paris on Sunday in order to pick up our ticket and start the soccer part of our trip.  That Saturday, we were taking the Metro down to the Las Ramblas area.  We sat on the bench waiting for the train.  Schaef was rearranging some things between his money belt and backpack when the train arrived.  Thirty seconds after the train pulled away, Schaef realized that he’d left his money belt on the bench with his passport in it.  (Don’t judge Schaef here, out of character moment.)  At the next stop we turned around and went back but the money belt and everything in it was gone.

We figured out where the US Embassy was and took the train to get there.  Please bear in mind that the internet was not as widely accessible at the time.  Upon our arrival we were hit with the next problem, it was Saturday and the Embassy was closed.  The only person at the Embassy was a guard who only spoke Spanish.  I explained the situation to the guard and he put me on the phone with an official from the Embassy.  In order to cross the border into France (pre European Union), we needed a copy of his passport (we had) and a police report explaining that the passport had been stolen.  My Spanish abilities were put to the test by filling out a police report.  So the next day we went to the train station with our flimsy documents and a great deal of hope.  Luckily we made it across the border.

On Monday morning we had our next hurdle to clear.  We needed to pick up our tickets before 5pm at a hotel on the outskirts of Paris.  Since the tickets were in Schaef’s name, we needed his passport first.  We went to the US Embassy in Paris and spent hours waiting.  I don’t recall what time we got there but I know what time we left 4:30pm.  As fast as we could run with our large packs on our backs, we got to the Metro.  We found the street we needed on the Metro map.  There were two stops on that street but we had no idea which would be closer to the hotel.  50/50 chance and we blew it!  The hotel was about a mile up the road and it was 4:55.  So again, we ran as fast as we could and with our packs on our backs did about a 7 minute per mile pace.  At 5:02, we reached the hotel!  Upon entering we were informed that the pick up time for tickets had been extended two hours.

From a month long trip to Europe with my best friend, going to the biggest soccer event in the world, this is the story that I’ve told the most.  I remember who won all of the games that we saw but I can’t remember the scores.  How is it possible that my favorite part of the trip is when everything went wrong?

Life is not a spectator’s sport.  It is intended for people to take what God, Allah or nature has given to them and do the most that they can with it.  The times when you are going to figure out what you are truly made of are the times when things fall apart.  ANYONE can take the guided tours at the Louvre or Prado.  It takes little thought or ingenuity and it teaches you very little about yourself.  The limits of you are not found on the guided tours.  Easy, comfortable and failure-free are the lives of spectators.

We spend much of our life avoiding something that we call “failure”.  Usually failure is associated with mistakes and we try to avoid making big ones at all costs.  Schaef made a pretty big mistake.  It wasn’t fatal and it allowed us to live in a scenario with an outcome that was uncertain.  Uncertainty is something that we need at times in life.  Balance between certainty and uncertainty is what makes life interesting.  The thing is that we spend so much time trying not to fail that we often fail to live.  Anything that is truly worth having is a gamble on some level.

Life is a scenario where the outcome is uncertain.  That is part of the deal.  If you are looking for a life without failure, discomfort and difficulty, then you are looking for boredom.  Don’t go looking to fail but don’t avoid it either.  Failure is often where you learn the most about yourself and what you’re made of.  Make yourself better by learning from failure.

Get out there people!

Pete