Blogpost, self-reliance

When ‘They’ Run Out

We’ve all done it at one time or another. Pointed the finger of blame at someone else. “They” are a convenient target for our disappointment. Not because they particularly do anything wrong but because they’re not us. Whether we were right or wrong to do the pointing is not as important as how often and easily that pointer finger comes out. For many of us, it is out in a flash and ready to go again like Doc Holiday in pistol fight. That quick draw reflex allows for little to no consideration of the common ingredient in every one of our interactions: ourselves.

You are not the center of THE universe but you are the center of YOUR universe. Keeping this in mind is important. At a certain point, the people to blame are either on repeat or they eventually run out. Having them on repeat is dangerous because believe it or not, blaming someone gives them all of the power. Blame puts the responsibility onto the other person and responsibility is everything! As the person at the center of your universe, it’s in your best interest to be able to respond. Sometimes that will be with action but often it will be just a change in perspective.

I’ve give a speech to my players in the past that I call “Victims, Spectators and Players.” Victims have the game happen to them. The ref makes the wrong calls. The coach puts him/her in the wrong position. The weather is too hot to play effectively. They squander away their power to everyone or everything outside of them. Spectators watch what is happening but either cannot or choose not to get fully involved. They wish that they were a player but it might be too hard… they might fail… people might laugh… the pressure might be too much. Players influence the game. They move things forward or defend in times of peril. They either want to be on the ball or supporting their team in some way.

At some point THEY run out: your enemies, your parents, your coaches, your rivals, and so on. When THEY are all gone and you are the only one left to blame, pointing the finger at yourself will be uncomfortable and possibly damaging. At that point, you’ll wish that you’d used your thumb more often. The thumb that points back at you and requires that you take responsibility. Even if it is their fault this time, get in the habit of using your thumb to make yourself a Player in your own life. Otherwise you’ll be majorly disappointed when “THEY” run out.

Have a great day because it’s on you!

Pete

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The V.O.C.

VocIn today’s high-speed world, people use acronyms more often than ever before.  In the past people hoped to be the MVP, a VIP or the CEO.    Now we are saying IDK, LOL, BRB and other things that I don’t even feel comfortable writing in acronym form.  Today I’ve decided to coin my own acronym.  It applies to many people and even applies to me at times.  Rather than being a VIP, we seem intent upon being the V.O.C.

The VOC is the Victim Of Circumstance.  It’s a really tough place to live.  Circumstances keep piling up on these individuals that they don’t like.  The world has thrust all of this upon them.  They don’t like their job, school, boyfriend/girlfriend, lack of popularity, lack of influence or prospects for the future.  These people have it, THE WORST EVER!.  Go ahead and try to tell them about a bad situation in your life and they can find one from theirs that is ten times worse.  The worst thing in most cases about being a member of the VOC club is that you have to choose to be a member!

That is one heck of a choice to make.  There are many things in this world that we should choose to be, a victim should not be one of them.  The problem with being a victim is the lack of power.  It is by nature a position of weakness and defense.  At some point the VOC decided that it was better to be weak, defensive and blameless rather than taking responsibility for themselves.  This is a dangerous bargain to make because eventually it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When you are wearing brown tinted glasses, everything in the world looks like feces.

So rather than being the VOC, become the DOC.  The Director Of Circumstances is not completely in control of circumstance but acts more like a traffic cop.  The DOC decides what he or she will let pass and what needs to be stopped and evaluated further.  The traffic cop is separate from the traffic.  They may cause it, they may alleviate it but they are not the traffic.  Ultimately, they can usually move to a different intersection if their position becomes too much to handle.  It is a game of choice.

Direct your life today!  Don’t be a victim within it!

Pete