Author: Pete Huryk

I'm an author and public speaker from New Jersey. My topics are usually aimed toward teenagers and range from self-esteem/self-reliance to peak performance in sports.
Blogpost, self-reliance

The Partially Blind Date

Pete Huryk

My grandparents met on a blind date. I’m not even sure if that is possible anymore since we are so interconnected. The idea that a person would be willing to walk into a date with no frame of reference in today’s world seems almost laughable. Despite what they may say, people usually don’t like surprises. They like surprises that they want. The true unknown is a completely different story. In our next day delivery, free returns, 5 star customer review culture, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would accept the “fully blind date.” However, it also seems that people like to believe that they know more than they do. No matter how well you know someone. It’s still a partially blind or vision impaired date.

All of our perceptions of people and situations are filtered through our own experience. So no matter how “objective” we think that we are being, we cannot fully let go of our biases and predispositions. Being judgmental and superficial is not new but those muscles have been put on steroids through major media and social media. We are not blinded by a lack of visible content. We are partially blinded by too much of a variety of cues, shortcuts and presuppositions. It’s so much easier than getting to know someone, over time. Assuming that we know a person based on their political beliefs, clothing preferences or social groups is a comfortable shorthand that we employ with new people. Our old friends and loved ones got the benefit of the doubt years ago. Now, we just don’t have time!

Perhaps we’re actually missing out on something. Maybe my grandparents were more fortunate than we realize. If I can avoid it, I’d like to find out who you are without mixing it up too much with who I think you are. By seeing people with “blind eyes”, maybe we would be able to let go of some of the frustration, anxiety and judgment that is so pervasive at the moment. We bring it to the table with us. Perhaps we could leave it behind. We’ve all got blindspots about our relationships with people. Even the person that you know best (you), you don’t know 100%. Recognizing that we’re at least partially blind might be a good step toward seeing the world a little better.

I’d like for you to meet someone!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Who Is Carrying You?

Pete Huryk

This is one of my favorite photos from the past. There are so many reasons why but I’m going to point out one of the less obvious. My daughter is in the backpack and it may look like I’m carrying her but she is actually carrying me. The stories of mothers lifting cars to save their children are completely accurate. That is not what is happening in this photo. My young daughter is not pumping adrenaline to stave off disaster. She is very figuratively carrying me through a difficult time. Much like the mothers lifting the cars, I had more ability than I thought possible around that time. Working three jobs, entertaining two young children and anything else that was thrown in my direction at the moment. It might have seemed like a lot if it were not for her carrying me.

We all go through times where our strength is not enough. We need a bit more and it often comes from our reason for doing anything. The people that we have in our lives carry us through those times. Often they do it without knowing. My daughter could not walk nor talk at the time but she was the strength that I needed.

So who is carrying you? Perhaps, you’re self-sufficient! That’s completely fine. For some reason, it comforts me to think back to the days when knights would dedicate their feats in battle to a maiden far away. The reasons behind the things that we do matter. It helps even more when the people who matter are the reason that we do things. It carries us through when we might not have had enough strength to “go it alone”!

Climb on!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Excitement of the “Same Path”

Pete Huryk

Over the weekend, I got the opportunity to go see Top Gun: Maverick. There are no true spoilers below other than the path is similar. That shouldn’t be a huge surprise to anyone who has seen a movie, read a book or heard an epic story. We’ve been telling the same story for centuries but just changed the names of the characters. Joseph Campbell’s works on the subject are the blueprint. We seem to love going down the “same path” with familiar friends.

The “Hero’s Journey” is one that we identify with worldwide because we’d like to put ourselves into the story. We exist from one perspective and we cannot escape that. However, hearing or seeing tales of idealized figures for us to emulate in some basic way allows us to become a bigger version of ourselves. We can see the possibility in the space between where we are and where we’d like to be. The hero’s journey is enticing because it is both predictable and exciting at once. We know that in the end everything is going to work out fine. However, the path is fraught with danger and losing people along the way is possible. It’s not a clear path, just a recognizable one.

So tomorrow, you’ll be called to action in some way. That’s how the hero’s journey always begins. Perhaps it is something small but we all get to choose whether we’ll answer the calls that come our way. We’re probably not saving the world or even a cat but we are still the protagonist in the only story that matters: our story. So no matter how identifiable your path is, find a way to get excited about the possibility that lies within it. Only you get to make that choice. We’ve been telling the same stories for generations. Now it’s your turn to write yours with your actions!

Turn and burn!

Pete

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The High Ceiling and Perception

Pete Huryk

While visiting my brothers in Maryland, I did my swimming at totally different YMCA. The ceiling was so much higher than my normal location. It made the pool seem like it was shorter in distance. As if it were less than the standard 25 meters that I was used to. My times were also a bit faster which added to the confusion. In the end, I confirmed that it was my perception and not the pool that was different. The ceiling was just higher!

It’s an odd thing! Our perception can be thrown by so many things. We’d like to believe that the variables are outside of us. Unfortunately we are a variable! Our senses are nowhere near as accurate as we’d like to believe! However there is something to be learned from my swimming experience. A higher ceiling makes the distance that needs to be traveled seen shorter. It doesn’t decrease it. It only makes it seem shorter. So perhaps the lesson is that we should have higher ceilings for ourselves in order to make the work seem shorter by comparison. When our goals are close by, the component pieces to get there feel big. Grander goals actually gives us the space to feel less oppressed.

Shoot for the stars! Why the hell not? The inspiration and perspective that comes along with it will be well worth it! The practicality of most of our dreams deadens our sense of adventure and excitement. We thrive on the idea that we’re doing something BIG! Practicality isn’t our friend. It’s a low ceiling that makes everything seem close and oppressive.

Raise the roof!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Going The Distance!

Pete Huryk

This phrase has so many connotations to it! The most powerful for me is the link to the original Rocky movie and his desire simply to withstand the onslaught of a superior opponent. Later in my life, it was co-opted for a moronic song (in my opinion) by a band called Cake. I hate that I even mentioned it because it is bound to stick in my head for a while. Lately this has been a way of life. As I am preparing for my second sprint triathlon, my daily practice is quite simply to “go the distance” that I have set in front of myself. Whether it is 1000 meters in the pool or 5 miles worth of running, there is a distance to be covered and I must do it!

None of this sounds overly inspirational or grandiose. And the truth is that on the one hand it’s not! Hours in the pool, on the bike or on the run are spent largely alone with your own thoughts. Many pictures, ideas and questions pass through your mind and one of the major ones is: why am I doing this? I am not a professional athlete and my performance is bound to be largely mediocre when compared with the other people on the day of the race. So why bother? Because we don’t have to anymore!

There used to be a necessity to running long distances in order to track down an animal for the family or tribe. We no longer have to do that. So we need to put distances in front of ourselves. Some of these are metaphorical and others are literal but we need them. Our very existence cries out for us to put forth effort toward something of value. At one point, it was the hunt in order to feed ourselves and others. Now we have a much less concrete job of feeding our souls with a purpose that we must create. We must create meaning behind the distances that we cover. On the other side of those meters, kilometers and miles are hope, fulfillment, passion, love and excitement. No one else can put it there for us. We must create it, fashion it and sustain it because the truth is that we don’t have to.

Going back to the beginning, that is why the story of Rocky is so glorious. He didn’t have to go the distance. There was nothing extra for him in the way of money or accolades. He merely put it in front of himself in order to prove it to himself. “I’m going to know for the first time in my life that I weren’t just another bum from the neighborhood.” We all have a distance that we need to go. Just be sure that you’re challenging yourself. That is when things get inspirational and grandiose. If we are challenging the self that we thought that we were. Taking on the challenge of going far enough, long enough that we come out on the other side as a new person. A better version of us that is more prepared than before.

Ding, ding!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Foolishness That It Takes

Pete Huryk

Most people do not aim to look foolish. Quite the opposite! The average person does their best to avoid looking foolish. Societal norms, fashion trends, rules of thumb and so many other mechanisms are in place to keep us from looking like a fool. The problem is that sometimes, being a fool is exactly what it takes.

High School Soccer from Senior Year
It may look foolish now but at the time, we LOVED these jerseys!

All of those things that keep us from looking foolish, make us ordinary. Therefore, in order to do anything extraordinary, one must chance looking foolish. That little bit of extra effort, creativity, love, investment, etc. takes us outside of the norm. Any normal person wouldn’t do that. But that’s exactly the point! The results that make us stand out are linked directly to the attempts that might make us look foolish if we fail. So why chance it?

It’s completely possible to live a life of relative happiness without ever chancing playing the fool. Calculated bets surround us all and sanity can be claimed at every corner. For some reason, the risk of playing the fool seems to be a requirement.

Only fools rush in!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Oars For Your Speedboat!

Pete Huryk

It’s easy to get caught up in how things are “supposed to be”! A speed boat is supposed to go fast, induce a rush of adrenaline and glide across the water with ease. That’s what a speedboat is supposed to do. BUT what about when it doesn’t? What happens when there is an engine malfunction or an electrical problem? The anticipation of how things are supposed to be are not connected to how they are! It’s possible that when things break down, that oars might be necessary on your speedboat.

None of us prays for hard times or difficulties. We do not want to be stranded, troubled or defeated. The reality of life is that from time to time, it’s going to happen to each of us. Those circumstances do not say anything about us as people. Falling on hard times does not make anyone a bad person. The reaction to those hard times is more important. Becoming seduced by a preconception of a status quo of ease and comfort is not likely to produce the fortitude necessary for hard times.

So OARS! Your speedboat may need them from time to time because muscles and work may have to get you “unstuck” from a situation. It may not be the picture of perfection but perhaps that forward rowing motion will get the engine started again. A speedboat may be designed for fast but that will always be a relative term. Slow is infinitely faster than standing still!

I am SPEED!

Pete

Blogpost

Take Care of Themselves

Pete Huryk

As a father of two teenagers, I recognize that I have a limited window in which I am still their primary caretaker. At a certain point, they will take care of themselves. It’s the eventuality that parents tend to both desire and lament. The children that they have raised since birth, no longer need them. The work has already been done. Now the results are all that are left!

The same is true for almost any goal. The life of it begins with control, care and influence but eventually we have to let go! Our actions are all that we can take care of. They are the children of our life. At a certain point, the results take care of themselves. We’d all love to believe that we can WILL a result to fruition. The only thing that we do is care for the actions that lead to results.

If you want your goals to mature, you need to take care of your actions consistently. Otherwise they will be hanging around in your basement, depleting your resources and shadows of lost potential.

Pete

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We’re All Roller Skating

Pete Huryk

My grandmother worked at a roller rink for my entire childhood. Despite that fact, I didn’t get “good” at roller skating until there was a rink in my hometown. For a few months, at most a year, it was the place for every teenager to hang out on a Friday night. I definitely got slapped across the face for skating “too close” to a girl by my then girlfriend but I digress! Putting wheels on our feet is a recipe for disaster in so many ways but it’s similar to the way we travel through the world.

Most of us are off balance and uncomfortable but trying our best to look cool and not fall flat on our faces. Some people really have it all figured out but they often get ridiculed for trying too hard or being odd. There’s probably a portion of each of us that’s jealous of those roller maestros but getting really good would probably require a ton of experimentation and painful falls. In the end, it’s easier to stay safe and average rather than get really good at something that could prove to be a fad or get us ridiculed. Why chance it, right?

The truth is that most of the people that you’re worried about judging you for falling on your face are just as scared and will be gone in a moment. The people who came with you will help you get up if they can. If they’re off balance too maybe it’s best that they focus on themselves. You’re more than capable of getting back in your feet by yourself! All you have is an unpredictable number of songs to get in your number of laps around the floor. The disco ball is spinning and this is your chance to shine. It will surely hurt when you fall but it will probably hurt worse at the end of the night if you just played it safe!

Lace ‘Em Up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

CPR on Your Dreams

Pete Huryk

Keeping things alive is often the order of the day. If you’re a parent of a newborn, it’s directive number one. Farmers need to keep their crops alive through nourishment and protection. CEOs and other employees are charged with keeping their company alive. CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) is a last heroic effort to save someone who is dying. It’s not a long term plan. It’s a last ditch effort! Because it’s coming from the outside! However the mechanism that is in place within your chest keeps your heart beating for a lifetime because it is designed to do so. Our dreams can work very similarly. They are easier to keep alive from within rather than from outside.

Despite the simplicity of this statement, most of us still want CPR on our dreams. We want other people, “the world” or circumstances to align in order to keep our dreams alive. The problem is that just like regular CPR, it is only a short term answer. We need to keep our dreams alive through a Continuous Passion Reinvestment. Passion is an emotional state that can breed life into almost any project but it cannot be an occasional thing! The passion for that dream needs to come as Continuously as possible. The last piece is a Reinvestment. Small successes along the way are not particularly times over-celebrate, the energy needs to be reinvested back into the project. It’s not over! Most dreams are lifelong pursuits. So never think that the heart can stop beating. It needs to be healthy and thriving.

No matter the acronym that you want to use, you need keep your dreams alive and thriving. No one else will care enough to do it for you! It needs to be like a heartbeat. Otherwise it’s just a lot of chest-pounding that may or may not do anything. The inside is where it starts!

Staying Alive!

Pete