Tag: relationships

The Bourne movies were a popular movie franchise starting with The Bourne Identity in 2002. The movie goer is introduced to a character who has no memory of who he is but an impressive skillset. As he searches for information about his identity, he finds more resources: money, multiple passports, weapons, etc. For the rest of the first movie and series, Jason Bourne is equal to every adversary and challenge that confronts him. Despite very little memory of who he is, he uses his skillsets to survive and counteract nefarious forces. 

What if the story were the opposite? Rather than losing all of his memories, he lost all of his skills. As a covert operative for the CIA, he would probably get killed pretty quickly. The first fist fight, car chase, or sticky situation would end with Jason Bourne becoming Jason dead. It would not make for a very compelling movie, UNLESS! He started working to get those skills back. One of the reasons why movies are such a popular medium of storytelling is that they cut out the mundane and trivial. They only focus on the crucial elements of the story. So you would see Jason start practicing with knots and 30 seconds later, he would have the skill back. In real time, weeks or months may have passed with several bathroom breaks etc. in between. But in movie land… 30 seconds. The one advantage that ‘memory Jason’ would have over ‘skills Jason’ is that he could be more discerning about the skills he needed. He might know that learning French again was a waste of time because he doesn’t need to go back to Paris. 

Even though I’ve made a slight plea for the second storyline, we all know that the first is far more captivating because it creates drama and an almost dreamlike situation. Many people want to have an unlimited skillset. It’s easy to want it but most people are either waiting for a Matrix-like situation or can’t sit through the slog of skill acquisition because it’s not 30 seconds. While the second movie is less riveting, it is the opportunity that we all have. 

Our memories of our life show up like a movie. We have the highlight reel of what’s happened thus far and a set of skills. What if you took the time to acquire some new skills? They wouldn’t need to be Brazilian jiu jitsu or aggressive driving techniques but rather things that fit your life. Like learning Spanish, so that you can understand your Ecuadorian mother-in-law when she comes to the house to visit. Wood carving, so that you can make personalized gifts for friends and family rather than buying them. Or public speaking so that you feel confident in front of a room of people. There’s a list below to start the brainstorming.

As Tom Bilyeu says often, “Skills have utility.” At the moment, your present skillset has taken you this far. In order to get where you want to go, what skills do you need to acquire? Your movie is far from over and this could be the moment where the main character (yep that’s you) turns in a new direction. Just don’t forget that this is not going to be easy. Seth Godin’s concept of “the dip” applies to almost any new endeavor. You’re going to get excited and get some early wins but then, you’re going to have a long period where you see limited progress for major effort. It’s called the dip and you need to get through it.

You’re not Jason Bourne! You’re you. The story of your life up until this point is context but nothing more. The skills that you have are something but not everything. It may be worth the thought exercise to consider. If a person who is used to existing with infinite skills were dropped into your life, what would they do? What would they look to reacquire? Where would they focus? What would they prioritize? Then choose to go down that rabbit hole or not. You’re the main character. Figure it out!

Who are you?

Pete

List of possibilities:

• Learn a new language for heritage or travel reasons. Duolingo and other apps are available with your phone.
• Learn to sew, carve, knit, crochet, etc. These skills are productive and keep the mind sharps.
• Learn to play an instrument. It’s never too late and you do not particularly need to take lessons initially. There are lots of resources on Youtube etc. to start you out.
• Learn self-defense. While Brazilian jiu jitsu may be unnecessary, feeling confident in your ability to protect yourself may be well worth the time and attention.
• Learn to meditate. It may seem likes it’s not much of a skill but it helps with the calming of one’s mind rather than buying into the stress of a moment.
• Learn to cook. The ability to do more than put something in the microwave is a practical, helpful and confidence building skill. It also teaches a lot about expectations, failure and process.
• Learn about home repair and maintenance. Most of the things that need to be fixed in your home are probably not beyond your ability. It may just take a bit of research and trial/error.
• Learn how to engage with people in meaningful ways. Jason Bourne may a solitary figure, but that doesn’t mean you need to be. Figure out how to engage with new people or become better with the people you already know.

The other night I witnessed an odd situation in a Burger King. An employee showed up and was informed that he no longer worked there. It seems that he had said some “colorful” things over the intercom to a customer that an assistant manager heard. The manager told him that he was fired upon his return. In a quick farewell with a former coworker, he asked “Why do you still work here? Do you even like it here? I was just here for the money.” He was honest for sure but it felt like he was missing part of the equation.

“I’m in it for the money!” is a relatively famous line from one of my childhood heroes, Han Solo. While he ends up being proved wrong over time, Han probably believes it in the moment too. The problem is that they’re both wrong. Neither of them are truly in it for the money. The money is just a conduit. It’s portable power that helps someone create an exchange. Whether paying off a mob boss or buying a new pair of shoes, the money is not the actual thing. To be honest, neither is the payoff or the shoes but that’s for another blogpost. For now, it’s the basic idea that no one wants pictures of dead presidents or more accurately numbers on a computer screen. They want the things that they think the money will bring. 

Money is nothing more than portable power. People want that power in order to exchange it for something. They want to control their circumstances but often lack the ability to control themselves first. Our young friend will no longer be getting anything from Burger King because he lacked the self-control to get what he was after. He wanted the money but wasn’t careful enough to avoid killing the golden goose. No one is truly in it for the money but it takes self-control and self-awareness to get to the end of that equation effectively. It’s largely an internal game that you’re playing. So don’t get fooled by all of the pictures of dead presidents. You’re in it for something else.

“No reward is worth this!”

Pete 

It’s a play on words for sure. And I’m not even sure how many people out there know what a cesspool is anymore. But here we are! The combination of these two words written out is not anything that I’d want to be involved with. If you were to say the words out loud though, it conjures thoughts of Scrooge McDuck swimming in a pile of gold coins. A success pool is one that most of us would dive into. The problem is that they’re one in the same.

Our brains discount the reality of so many success stories because we get blinded by the success. JK Rowling is one of the most common that gets cited because she was a single parent on welfare prior to the success of the Harry Potter series. However, it gets glossed over pretty quickly because we know the ending. Her financial situation sucked and many of the things she had to “swim” through were a “cesspool”. It’s easy to look at her story and say it was worth it. But for that one outlier, there are far more stories of people who never turn that pool of muck into a pile of gold. Generally speaking though, that what it takes.

Success requires a willingness to do a lot of things that suck. Early mornings, late nights, long odds, thin margins, tough conditions, etc. are all possible ingredients to the “suck”. And the cesspool is filled with all kinds of things that we never want to encounter but must. Liars, backstabbers, trolls, false friends, amoral competition, self-sabotage, depression, etc. could all be lurking in the cesspool. 

So the question isn’t whether or not you want success. We all do regarding something. It’s a question of whether or not you’re willing to face all of the stuff that sucks and the muck that comes along the path to your success. The size of the success that you want is usually proportionate to the “stuff” that you’re going to have to go through to get it.

Hold your nose!

Pete

My first car was a 1977 Chevy Nova that I inherited from my great aunt. It was a tank! In the winter of 1993, I made money hand over fist at my pizza delivery job because I was willing to work through the blizzard. I never worried about getting stuck or damaging it. It was a simple piece of machinery that made sense. It’s the only vehicle that I’ve ever owned which I changed the oil, spark plugs, antifreeze, etc. myself. It had a full size spare and everything! After that, my cars were less conducive to self-maintenance. Technology made cars more efficient but complex at the same time. The rinky dink jacks and doughnut spares scream, DON’T TRY TO FIX THIS YOURSELF!

AAA is the company that many people call for their roadside assistance needs. Considering how infrequently a well maintained car breaks down, outsourcing that situation makes sense, I suppose. AAA stands for the American Automobile Association. Although it doesn’t apply to this company, having a name with multiples A’s in a row meant that you would be first in the Yellow Pages/Phone book. When we transition to the next idea, I’d like for it to be first in your mind.

Attention, Acceptance and Approval are the things that we normally look for from other people. They are the holy trinity of currencies that are exchanged with the general public. Although love is definitely of greater value, it’s not something that is easily thrown around to the masses. Attention seems to be the currency of the moment but it comes pretty cheaply. Acceptance is another commodity of the day. Often, it’s not so much about accepting a person but rejecting those “others”. Approval is probably the toughest at the moment because people want deniability and nuance. It’s highly unlikely that you’re ever going to achieve all three with the masses. So maybe, calling out to the world for the AAA isn’t the way to go. Perhaps there is something better.

 Much like my 1977 Chevy Nova, it might be time to give that AAA service to yourself. Give yourself the attention that you need and deserve. Your thoughts are not things to particularly be covered up by videos, music or more work. Accept yourself for who you are. No doubt, you could improve. We all can but accept who you are in order to calibrate for your forward motion. If you’re constantly running from the shadow of who you’ve been, you’re going to be too tired to make meaningful progress. Finally, seek your own approval. Do things that make you feel good about who you are and avoid those that don’t. The world is probably not ready to approve of anyone 100%. However, if you can be thoughtful about what you do, then you have the seal of approval from the one person that you need to live with everyday. 

Remember that no one is coming to save you! You can phone a friend or get help from the passer by but more than likely most of the work is an inside job. The people who give themselves Attention, Acceptance and Approval are more likely to find it elsewhere. 

Life is highway!

Pete

When I was a kid, my dad was obsessed with David Copperfield. Not the book by Charles Dickens but the magician from New Jersey. My father did his own little magic shows for kids as well. He had a big box filled with his supplies for the tricks. Due to my proximity to a magician, I knew how some of the tricks worked. So even though David Copperfield’s tricks were on a much larger scale, I knew there was something at work and it wasn’t “magic.”

The secrets of the magician are not found in dusty books handed to them by witches or wizards. Quite the opposite, the magic that they produce comes from a lot of practice and preparation. They need to hide all the work that they’ve done behind the illusion of magic. For the audience, it’s easier to believe in mystical powers than fathom all of the preparation that goes into one of their big illusions.

The magic that you’re looking for is hidden in the work that you’re not doing. Regardless of whether you’re a true magician or a person trying to make the varsity team. More than likely, you’re not going get struck by some cosmic energy that will give you special powers. The key to your big “trick” will come down to whether or not you do the work. And possibly you may need to reuse the magic words that started this paragraph. No! Not abracadabra! The magic that you’re looking for is hidden in the work that you’re not doing. Once you do enough preparation, people will dismiss it as magic, talent, luck or a number of other things. Because it’s just easier to make someone else special rather than admit that they could do something very similar, if they only worked hard enough!

Choose a card… no, direction.

Pete

These are the final words that Luke Skywalker utters before being thrust onto an adventure. When he said that he was “ready for anything”, he could not have anticipated all that he would endure. Losing a mentor, confronting a variety of evil adversaries, losing his hand, gaining unimaginable powers, helping destroy two Death Stars and redeeming his father were probably not in his mind. They were also not in his capability at that moment. He was more than likely unable to see a future that was so difficult yet grand. 

We’re all on an adventure of some sort. It may not have monsters, scoundrels and laser blasters but it’s an adventure nonetheless. There are so many things that we cannot anticipate about what is coming in the future. Personally, societally, globally… it’s always in flux. So saying “I’m ready for anything” is probably inaccurate. More close to the point might be “I’ll accept what comes my way and I’m willing to learn as I go.” 

You don’t need to be ready for anything right now. It’s unrealistic. Most of us are not ready for to juggle five bowling pins on a unicycle but if that challenge confronted us, we could learn how. That’s the strength of human beings. We’re able to adapt and learn. Most animals come preprogrammed with the things that they need to survive. It’s just not a very complex existence. In order to traverse our complex world, we need to learn and adapt. You’re on an adventure but don’t worry about being ready for anything. Be willing to do anything that you can to make the adventure better.

May the force be with you! Always!

Pete 

While I can’t pinpoint a particular incident, there are plenty of memories of carefully pulling the paper-thin cassette ribbon from the tape player. Hoping that I’d be able to salvage it. No doubt, it was going to take time and patience but there was no alternative. Many of the tapes that I had were dubbed from friends or recorded from the radio. I’m sure that I silently wished for the ability to have my music in a more portable form without delay or chance of destruction. Now I’m not so sure!

This is not a full argument against technology. I’m thankful for the ease, convenience and accessibility of so many things in our modern world. Yet, I see the pain of what was lost in the process. When most things are available quickly and easily; patience and effort to solve problems become commodities in short supply. The trade off was unintentional but it happened nonetheless. Now that we’re here, I don’t think a return to simpler times is coming by choice. Yet I can’t help but think that we need to put some imperfection back into our lives. Nothing used to work perfectly and that was kind of ok. The expectation wasn’t there.

The irony is not lost on me that this message is coming to you through one of the devices that has taken away many of our “problems”. But I’d be ok with it, if you were to never read my blog again and go on a walk instead. Or built stone wall in your backyard. Or carved a wooden spoon out of a piece of wood. The world moves at an extremely fast pace and the complexity can be overwhelming but we don’t need to give it our attention all the time. Maybe there are some imperfections that are worth looking into. They might help you to see yourself a little bit clearer because despite being miracles, we’re all imperfect!

Perfectly imperfect!

Pete