Tag: motivation

Uncategorized

Empty Trophies (the loss in winning)

Pete Huryk

LukeSoccerAs the spring season grows closer, fields are being lined, nets are being hung and young players are practicing their skills.  These are all normal steps in the preparation for a season of practices, games and championships.  Each of us has our own role to play in this system: player, spectator, coach or referee.  That role heavily influences our perspective on the process and the game itself.  The game of soccer is always the same, two teams, two goals, a specific number of players and specific period of time.  It is a finite game with a result that is measurable.

The sporting culture is based principally on the finite game.  We are enamored with the result and the perceived spoils that come with it.  Players, coaches and spectators focus on the result of the finite game, often as if that was the only thing that mattered.  The unfortunate thing in youth sports is that the hyper-focus on the finite game has made us forget about the ultimately more important infinite game.

Infinite games are not played to win or lose.  They are played in order to keep playing.  “Playing catch” is not a competitive endeavor.  You don’t throw the ball to make the other person miss.  The enjoyment comes from process and the intrinsic benefits that come with it: progress, togetherness, etc.  Life is another infinite game that we play.  The goal of life is not to get to death.  The experience of living is the benefit that playing the game provides.

The value of the finite game is in its contribution to the infinite game of life.  The players, coaches and spectators who only see the finite game will eventually find the game to be empty.  It is only when those infinite game benefits come out of the finite game that it is truly valuable.  Trophies, ribbons and plaques are worth only as much as the memories of those who were touched by the process.

If the goal is only to win on that day, then the victory is a loss.  It is only when the component pieces of the win are ingrained into a person’s soul that victory is truly accomplished.  Teamwork, focus, progress, sacrifice and a slew of other infinite game lessons are the reason that we play.  Trophies are hollow wood, metal and plastic if the spirit that earned them does not live on in the hearts and minds of those who earned them.

The true value of today’s game shows up in the coming years.

Uncategorized

Finite vs. Infinite Games

Pete Huryk

This is intended for all of my soccer friends out there but there are lessons that can be taken that have non-sport application.

LukeSoccerAs the spring season grows closer, fields are being lined, nets are being hung and young players are practicing their skills.  These are all normal steps in the preparation for a season of practices, games and championships.  Each of us has our own role to play in this system: player, spectator, coach or referee.  That role heavily influences our perspective on the process and the game itself.  The game of soccer is always the same, two teams, two goals, a specific number of players and specific period of time.  It is a finite game with a result that is measurable.

The sporting culture is based principally on the finite game.  We are enamored with the result and the perceived spoils that come with it.  Players, coaches and spectators focus on the result of the finite game, often as if that was the only thing that mattered.  The unfortunate thing in youth sports is that the hyper-focus on the finite game has made us forget about the ultimately more important infinite game.

Infinite games are not played to win or lose.  They are played in order to keep playing.  “Playing catch” is not a competitive endeavor.  You don’t throw the ball to make the other person miss.  The enjoyment comes from process and the intrinsic benefits that come with it: progress, togetherness, etc.  Life is another infinite game that we play.  The goal of life is not to get to death.  The experience of living is the benefit that playing the game provides.

The value of the finite game is in its contribution to the infinite game of life.  The players, coaches and spectators who only see the finite game will eventually find the game to be empty.  It is only when those infinite game benefits come out of the finite game that it is truly valuable.  Trophies, ribbons and plaques are worth only as much as the memories of those who were touched by the process.

If the goal is only to win on that day, then the victory is a loss.  It is only when the component pieces of the win are ingrained into a person’s soul that victory is truly accomplished.  Teamwork, focus, progress, sacrifice and a slew of other infinite game lessons are the reason that we play.  Trophies are hollow wood, metal and plastic if the spirit that earned them does not live on in the hearts and mind of those who earned them.

The true value of today’s game shows up in the coming years.

Uncategorized

Letting the Right Punches Hit You

Pete Huryk

RockyBoxing and all of its martial cousins are disciplines based on the idea of avoiding physical attacks while trying to make contact with your own.  Practitioners such as Bruce Lee took a philosophical approach to the art of physical combat.   In no way am I putting myself into his category.  The thought that I want to convey is a slightly more modern predicament that the metaphor of fighting may best explain.

So imagine if you will that in a boxing match, that some of the opponent’s punches gave you more energy.  The object would no longer be just to avoid punches but also discern which ones were helpful and allow those to land.  Despite the ridiculousness of this concept in terms of real boxing, it’s easy to see that the best boxers would be able to max their potential by taking positive hits and dodging the negative.

At the moment, you have millions of punches coming your way from a ton of “opponents”.  Almost like a battle royal, your life has an absolute melee of people and organizations who are trying to punch you in the face with their opinion, product, idea or service.  It’s not all bad but evaluating it all can be difficult.  Here are some steps to help you from feeling punch drunk as you make it through your day.

  1. Avoid the Negative Corner – There are some places where you know that you’re going to be hit repeatedly by people who do not have your best interest in mind.  There are billion dollar industries whose sole purpose is to distract your attention as often as possible and hit you with “BREAKING NEWS”.  Just because it’s happening now, doesn’t mean that it is important or better yet that it is important to you.  Your Twitter feed, e-mail, Facebook, TV, the gossipy coworker and others are not based on important, just recent.
  2. Pay Attention to the Source – Some sources will almost always be negative and others will almost always be positive.  The amount of positive missed and negative endured from these consistent sources will be negligible.  Keeping a default position of avoid all or accept all may be the best position to keep decision fatigue to a minimum.  For those wild card sources, usually the most important question to consider is WHY?  Why is this person taking a swing at me, to help or to hurt?
  3. Decide on the Power of the Punches – Since we’re dealing with information here and not actual physical contact, the amount of pain that you feel is dictated by you.  So you can take the sting out of a punch by making it less significant.  Our perspective often dictates our reality.  For example, eyebrows are usually raised when I say that “Fear is a positive emotion”.  People take it as solely negative but if they focus on the signal rather than the sensation, it becomes clear.  Fear is sending a message to help protect you from some perceived threat.  That system is there to help, not hurt you.  Unfortunately many of us have our feelings on autopilot rather than recognizing the influence/control that we have over them.

So today as you brave the modern world and all of the jabs, hooks and sucker punches that it throws at you, remember that you’re not defenseless.  The world does not have to knock you senseless.  You can keep your wits about you and set up a system that protects you.  After all, you’re fighting for your mental life.  The only way that you get to control it is by keeping up the defense against those who are trying to take your control away.

So keep your guard up and only let in the hits that will help you.

Uncategorized

The Beauty of the Strikeout

Pete Huryk

StrikeoutIn 1998, Mark McGwire hit more home-runs than any other player in MLB history.  I vividly remember watching the games to see if he would break Hank Aaron’s record and I’m not even a baseball fan.  At the time, I remember becoming personally moved by the chase for the home-run record.  It changed the way that I thought about several things in my life and it had nothing to do with home-runs but rather strikeouts.  McGwire lead the league in home-runs that year but he was also near the top of the leader board for strikeouts.  He struck out 2.2 times more than he hit home-runs.  In theory, the strikeouts are failure but in reality they are three more pieces of data.

From the outside, the strikeout seems ugly and unwanted.  I’ve never heard anyone say “that’s the best strikeout I’ve ever had!”  The beauty of the strikeout happens inside.  It’s the internal process of finding the next home-run from the mistakes made in the strikeout.  Personally I always attributed this to dating.  The strikeout/rejection was originally paralyzing and kept me from stepping up to the plate.  It was after McGwire’s record breaking season that I started to embrace the beauty of the strikeout.

Many of us go through life hoping that things will be easy.  We want life to pitch us as many “meatballs” as possible, so that we can get on base.  The problem with this hope is that it guarantees us a life in little league where you hit off a tee or a lobbed pitch from a coach.  If you want to play life at a higher level, you need to be willing to take some strikeouts and get back up to the plate to chance it again.  If they are considered data and not a death sentence for your self-esteem, then strikeouts are an amazing tool.  The key is that something must be learned from each one.

So become a strikeout analyst.  Don’t shy away from the opportunity that your failures give you.  Most failure is not fatal and is only negative if we do not see the lesson.  The beauty of the strikeout is expressed in that next home-run.  So take a swing and use your mistakes as ingredients for your next success.

SWING AWAY!

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

Uncategorized

Be a Definite Article

Pete Huryk
Salisbury 1994
Salisbury 1994

In my freshman college dorm, I was known as “Soccer Pete”.  The reason for the name was pretty obvious.  There was another guy named Pete who lived in Pocomoke Hall and it cut down on the confusion.  Since I was on the soccer team and mildly obsessed with the sport, it stuck.  The nickname spread to the point that when I would meet new people, I sometimes heard “Oh you’re ‘Soccer Pete'”.  This all happened organically and through no influence of mine.  However I knew the importance of standing out from one of my soccer coaches earlier that summer.

My coach, Tom Zingale, had a successful soccer career and was trying out for the United States Olympic team.  On the first day of tryouts, each player was given a white uniform and a red uniform.  Tom knew the competition was going to be tough on the field, so he did something to make himself stand out on  the field.  He did his laundry right away!  This was a stroke of genius!  The reason that it was brilliant was that he washed his red uniform and white uniform together.  His red uniform’s colors ran and turned the white one pink.  So when Tom stepped out on the field, he looked like walking cotton candy.  The other trialists  gave him plenty of inventive nicknames but at the end of the tryout he had the last laugh.  He made the team and in a conversation with the coach it became obvious to all that his strategy had worked.

Coach: “We’ll need to find someone to help you with your laundry.”

Tom: “I know how to do laundry.”

Coach: “Yeah right!  Then why is your uniform pink?

Tom: “What’s my name?”

Coach: “You’re…..”

In that silence it became evident that Tom had made himself standout.  Now obviously if he had no soccer skill, then his plan would have failed.  However with the right combination of skill and individuality, he was able to get exactly what he was after.

So my suggestion to you is to be a definite article!  Be THE one that people think about when they think of your thing.  This should be a combination of skill and individuality.  Make yourself the undeniable choice for one reason or another.  DO NOT JUST DRESS UP IN PINK unless that’s you’re thing.  You can stand out by being the definitive best in your field.  Being the only one who is using technology to solve problems in your industry may be your way to standout.  Own it completely and be comfortable with the choice to be you.  This may include having to say “I’m not for you.”  Punk rock is my favorite type of music.  When given the choice, it is THE one that I pick most often.  However it’s not for everyone and embracing that fact is better than being a watered-down version of everyone else.  So go out today, in your work, in your relationship and in your life and be THE YOU that you want to be.  The world won’t know that they were looking for that you until you’ve shown up!

If I’ve given you any hope, excitement or joy through my writing then please subscribe or share!!!

 

Uncategorized

Once in a Lifetime

Pete Huryk

Once in a lifetimeIn 2002 my girlfriend (now wife) and I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert.  We had a difficult time getting to the concert because she had a broken foot and was using crutches.  The general admission parking was at least a half mile walk to the entrance, so I ended up carrying her on my back for much of the distance.  As the diligent boyfriend, I wasn’t going to complain.  However at the end of the show, she insisted that we try to get a ride back to the car from security.  We were told to wait at the security station for the van to come pick us up.  Alongside us was an irate woman and her boyfriend, that were also waiting to be picked up.  Phrases like, “He can’t go out there!” and “This is ridiculous that we’re being treated this way!” were thrown about several times.  It became evident to me that I was sitting next to Billy Corgan.  Although the Smashing Pumpkins had broken up, I was still sitting next to a relatively important celebrity of the time.  Despite my realization, I kept quiet until after we’d all been picked up by the van and he and his girlfriend had departed.  At that point, I spilled the beans to everyone else in the van.

It is pretty likely that I’ll never get another chance to meet Billy Corgan.  I can live with that.  Even though I fumbled a chance to have a few minutes of conversation with a talented musician, it was OK.  I wasn’t prepared to have that particular once in a lifetime experience that night.  It was completely by chance.  Many of the events in our lives happen by chance and we need to do the best that we can with those circumstances.

The other “once in a lifetime” experiences are ones that we do by choice.  We seek them out and plan them.  Marriage is the most potent for me personally.  We spend years searching for this person.  Then we spend months planning the wedding.  After all of the research and planning, half of the people in the US get it “wrong”.  This is not a judgment that divorce is wrong or these people are horrible.  It is more of an interest in the story that they tell themselves before they decide.  Perhaps if we had a better story about this once in a lifetime event, we would not have fifty percent of people opting out.

The story that we tell is about getting married:  the party, the dress, the friends, the family, the cake and the honeymoon.  The story that we need to tell ourselves is about the journey through life with a teammate who is there to challenge us to get better.  Someone that we can rely on and can rely on us when things get ugly.  We trade the once in a lifetime experience of choosing a special person for the dream of a special day that’s supposed to carry us the rest of our life.

Life is a game of chance or a game of choice; so choose wisely.  Read the previous statement over and over again until it sinks in.  Basically every experience that you have each and every day will be “once in a lifetime”.  Are they the experiences that you are choosing?  Even if they are chance encounters, how are you choosing to deal with that chance?  In a life with basically no “redos” what do you choose to do this time?

Have a great day today!  After all it’s your choice.

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨


 

Uncategorized

The Survivors of the Mental World War

Pete Huryk

mindworldThis morning on my run I was listening to the Inside Quest interview of Carol Dweck.  Her book “Mindset” is one that I have not read yet but has been suggested to me over and again.  The basic idea is that of a “fixed mindset” versus a “growth mindset”.  People who believe that their intelligence or skills are set and cannot be improved upon have a fixed mindset.  While a person with a growth mindset believes that they are always able to improve in any given area.  Although this is an oversimplification it gives a basic understanding of her thesis.  The effect of each mindset is astounding and either can be developed largely without the person’s knowledge.  The fixed mindset puts emphasis on the outward appearance of skill rather than the internal development of skill.

For some reason listening to this conversation about growth and fixed mindset started me thinking about the present international economic situation.  The European Union in particular has had a tumultuous period because some of their member nations seem to have a growth mindset: Germany especially.  While others seem to be contented with their situation as it is with little thought of growth.  It seems almost odd that Germany, a country that has twice “lost”  World Wars would be an economic leader.  However when compared with a country like the United States, it becomes clear that “winning” and being a “super power” can lead to a fixed mindset.  After the end of the Cold War, the extrinsic competition no longer existed.  Therefore a conservative fixed mindset seeks to maintain a position of authority rather than progress for its own good.  Perhaps wars should not be won but rather survived.

In no way am I a pacifist but I’m also not sure that war should have a winner.  Everyone loses: lives, money, peace of mind, land and the list stretches on for all sides of a war.  People, land and nations survive wars, they don’t truly win or lose them.  I’ve never studied history in a German school but I’m confident that their historical loses are the exact reason why they are thriving because first they had to survive.  Survival is an instinct that runs deep within the human spirit.  Once we get above the line of survival, we look to improve life incrementally.  When survival is assured, comfort is readily accessible and no “enemies” seem to threaten that station, it easy to develop a fixed mindset of protecting that which we have acquired.

The problem is that there seems to be a new “World War” coming and the combatants will not be nations but rather individuals.  Each of us will be challenged to either grow or be the cog in someone else’s machine.  The industrial revolution gave mass production to the world and allowed a few key bosses to give direction to the masses.  It was a system that was based in a fixed mindset.  That system is disintegrating and the new one requires people to be human and think progressively.  The growth mindset will be required to survive in the world’s new economy.  The US or Germany or any other set of people can survive the “Mental World War” if they realize that it is never over.  Even if drones are farming our food and jobs in the traditional sense are obsolete, we need to hold fast to the idea that there are only three positions in the world: dying, surviving and thriving.  It is important to remember while thriving that you got there not by doing what you’ve always done but pushing for better at all times.

Be better today than you were yesterday!

Pete

Uncategorized

Interview with Laura G.

Pete Huryk

This past week I got the chance to talk with my good friend Laura on her show “Thoughts, Tools and Tough Love”.  Her show is every Thursday at 4pm on the Hunterdon County Chamber of Commerce Radio. (http://www.hunterdonchamberradio.com/)

Minus a few microphone issues, it was a great conversation.  I hope you enjoy it.

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

When Heroes Endure

Pete Huryk

Ricky Davis 79Time brings everything into perspective.  It is only with time that we can look back and see the moments that have shaped us.  Deciphering which moments will be truly important as they happen can be almost impossible.  It is amazing to think that a chance meeting from my childhood started me down a path that I follow to this day.  Even more surprising is that another encounter with that same person gave me more inspiration in my present day life.

Ricky Davis was a member of the New York Cosmos in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s.  He was a young American player on a team of international superstars.  It was during this time that he was invited to attend a block party by a fan, Tony Gonsalvez.  I was a seven year old kid at the party who knew nothing about soccer.  However when Ricky started kicking the ball around with a group of kids, I was happy to jump in.  That is my first memory of kicking a soccer ball, it changed my life and I’ve never forgotten it.

At the National Soccer Coaches Association of America’s annual Convention, I got the chance to sit down with Rick and talk about some of his experiences and beliefs about soccer both then and now.

Q: Did you view yourself as a trailblazer or pioneer for soccer in America while playing for the Cosmos?

We didn’t look at ourselves as trailblazers or pioneers.  We felt extremely fortunate to play with an awesome team and for an awesome organization.  Reflecting back now it’s easier to see how things have developed but at the time, we just felt fortunate.  It’s awesome to look back and say “I played a part in that” but at the time it was hard not to think how lucky we were to be playing for that team.

Q: What do you think about your legacy?  How does it feel to have players like myself say that you were the reason we started playing?

It feels great!  It’s part of the evolution of the game in this country.  I came into the situation with possibly a naive perspective because I believed that professional athletes were the closest thing there was to perfect human beings.  They didn’t drink or smoke.  Doing things to help keep themselves fit were all part of a value system that I brought with me when I came to the team.  In many ways I learned that wasn’t the case but did that mean that I needed to change?  I feel that I’ve got this debt to the game.  I was fortunate to have all of these experiences and memories and now I’m just trying to pay it back.  Much of what I did was to invest in the game and the community because I wanted people to love the game that I loved.  

Q: What were some of your attributes and life experiences that allowed you to be successful at that time?

It started because I had a good family.  My parents were actively involved.  Much of my values came from my parents.  My dad used to joke that everybody should work a solid half day (12 hours).  When there was extra stuff to be done, the clinics, public appearances and other things were part of that twelve hours.  Whether I needed to work on my own or do those other things, I needed to give 100%.  I was raised with a strong work ethic.  Also had great influencers within the team, Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, Johan Neeskens, I couldn’t be them but I could learn from them.  My belief was that I could learn from anybody.  After the games, I would go into the parking lot and talked to fans.  They would give suggestions and there were gems there for me to take.  If nothing else, I heard things that were important to them.  These were things that I took from my parents and tried to pass onto my own kids.  It’s not what you want to get out of it, it’s what you put into it and you’ll get back.

Q: What do you believe is special about this game?

It’s a game for everybody.  Almost anyone can get involved unlike many of the traditional American sports.  The reality is that a kid can be a part of something regardless of their size or ability and they’re equally part of the team.  You can be small like Messi or Maradona.  You can be big like Ibrahimovic.  Soccer is truly the game of the people.

Q: Where are we going as a soccer nation? 

As a nation we’re going in a great direction.  When I see soccer touching our little part of Kansas, it makes me believe that soccer is taking strides forward.  Soccer is becoming part of America’s fiber.  Was the NASL a bad thing?  No, it was a part of our evolution.  I see a national team that is way more competitive than my generation was.  The public is much more accepting of the sport.  The Cosmos was unique.  Even though many of our players were in the twilight of their careers, we were able to play with almost any team in the world.  Set the Cosmos aside though.  If you look at the teams now, they are drawing good sized crowds. Soccer specific stadiums are huge.  The people investing in soccer in this country, it obvious that it’s a long term commitment to the sport.  

Q: What is your involvement in Futpong?

The idea is not new.  We played similar games with the Cosmos.  If you thought the games on the field were intense, you should have seen these games.  The games used to be very improvised but we’ve now standardized it with a small net and a small ball.  Futpong is designed to develop their touch and fine motor skills.  Our hope is that this will help develop the touch and control.  We want it to be fun and stimulating.

Rick Davis 2016It was a great treat for me to be able to sit down with Rick.  The nostalgia factor would have been enough for me  in this interview but our discussion made me respect the man behind the memory even more.  His commitment to family, hard-work and openness to learning from anyone were all examples of why my respect for him has grown.  Anyone who has read my material long enough knows that I don’t truly believe in heroes because we should strive to be our own hero.  However I do believe in role models.  Even though I didn’t know it as a 7 year old, I chose a very good role model and learned a few things from him as a 40 year old.  The game does not make us who we are but rather draws out that which is already inside of us.  I’m glad that the game brought Rick and I together twice.

Thanks Rick!

Pete

Uncategorized

High Jump and Long Jump

Pete Huryk

high jumpIn high school, I was an above average high jumper.  My secondary event was long jump.  I was only slightly above average in long jump and did not enjoy it or practice it as much.  In my senior year, I started to notice that I had better results in high jump at meets where I was also long jumping.  If there was a meet that I was only competing in the high jump, I tended to fall short of my best.  Despite the fact that long jump was never my primary focus, it helped me not to “over-focus” on high jump.  The slight distraction was valuable because too much mental and emotional energy spent in one direction had diminishing returns.  This realization was made about a very specific activity but has influenced the way that I think daily.   In the fast paced world that we live in, it is easy to get distracted.  Distraction for the purpose of others is usually not helpful.  However release of the pressure of intense focus is both helpful and desirable in many respects.  Most activities and even people can be put into one of these groupings.

Less to get more – There are some things that it’s better for me to not focus on all the time.  Writing and other activities that I enjoy would become burdensome quickly if I was over-focused on them.  The amount of mental and emotional energy that I put in would begin to deteriorate the positive feelings and outcomes.  On the people side of things, in the past I have smothered certain relationships through over-focus.

None to get more – There are things that it’s better if I ignore them completely.  Complete ignorance is not particularly healthy.  However there are things that I should not let into my brain at all.  I’ve gotten better at taking away extraneous activities and thought patterns to be in a better mental and emotional state regularly.  This has become even more important for people.  There are some people that I’ve just had to cut completely out of my life.  Their presence was a drain on time and energy.  The positive effect on my life was minuscule compared to the drain.  So they needed to be cut out or ignored.

From ostrich to eagle – There are things that I ignore wholly or partially that I should really be paying attention to.  Usually these things are fear based.  The fear is not real, it’s a story that I tell myself inside of my head.  It is a story about disappointment, rejection, pain and failure.  Most of the time when I break out of the ostrich perspective, I realize that it is not anywhere near as bad as I thought.  The hardest part is pulling my head out of the ground or my ass and start doing things.  Unfortunately this also works for people.  There are people in my life that deserve attention but I don’t give it to them.  Again the investment of time seems much bigger than it probably is.  So ignoring is easier in the short term but there is a price that is paid in the long term.

Your focus determines your reality.  So as you go through your day and your life, it is important that you choose what you focus on and how often.  If your life or relationships are not working in one area or another, it is at least partially due to the focus or lack there of that you are putting in there.  More does not always translate to better!  Find the right balance to the ingredients in your life.

Focus on making today great!  But not too much.

Pete