Blogpost, self-reliance

We Lived In Castles

castleAt certain point in history, in particular parts of the world, the wealthiest people such as kings lived in castles.  I’m sure many people have fantasized about living in a castle.  The fantasy probably does not mirror the reality of what it was like hundreds of years ago.  By comparison, the comforts of most of our modern day houses outshines castle living.  Castles were made of cold stone without heat or air conditioning.  Although they served as protection from the elements in some ways, there was no escaping the fact that survival was the order of the day and not comfort.

In the past month, I’ve challenged myself to take cold showers every morning.  This has been an eye opening experience for a variety of reasons.  Although I started it for a variety of health benefits, it has actually been the change in perspective that I’ve noticed the most.  The key to making it through the cold exposure is control.  Not control over the external world but control over the internal world.  Recognition of the discomfort that you are in and finding a way to become comfortable with it is a revelation.

WE LIVED IN CASTLES!  The wealthiest people used to live in a discomfort that we don’t really understand but they survived.  The human body, mind and spirit are actually set up to endure much greater discomfort than we put ourselves through on a daily basis.  The thing is that we’ve lured ourselves into the comfort trap.  We’ve trapped ourselves into a 10 or even 5 degree window of comfort.  It’s not the circumstance but rather our perspective on it that traps us.  We believe that we cannot handle the discomfort, so we live as if it were true.   The space between where you are and where you want to be is filled with the discomfort that you think you’re not ready for.  So the question becomes, do you want to live in comfort of your present life or in the castle of your dreams?  Neither of them requires your circumstances to change, the latter requires that you do!

Get moving!

Pete

self-reliance

Prove It!

Geometry was probably one of the easiest classes for me in high school.  Despite its relative ease, I had trouble staying engaged with it.  I found it tedious to give all of the reasons why something was true.  It was usually pretty obvious whether a problem was going to withstand the scrutiny of the different theorems that we were learning at the time.  So it seemed like a relative waste to my teenage self to write out all of the steps in proving or disproving a problem.  Especially when the answers (to the odd problems usually) were in the back of the book.

In our every day lives, there aren’t a lot of ‘proofs’ to be done.  Very few things are black and white.  So regardless of how SURE you are of your argument, there’s someone out there with the exact same information screaming the opposite (just think of our present political situation).  So if we have nothing to prove, maybe the aim should be to improve.

Although there are few cold hard truths that we encounter daily, we do have a sense of who we are personally and what it is that we want for ourselves.  So recognize the fact that you have nothing to prove.  Even if you were to prove something, the circumstances of tomorrow may wipe away the thing that your proved today.  However, each day we have the ability to improve.  In small and subtle ways, it is possible for you to see progress in yourself, your life and your circumstances.  Almost nothing about you is going to stand the test of time like Pythagoras’ Theorem.  That does not mean that your life is meaningless.  You are a sand castle that can be improved and enjoyed for the time that it exists.  Get digging and sculpting because when the tide comes in, you’ll wish that you had!

Have a great day!

Pete

 

self-reliance

The Boy Who Cried Wolf (Revisited)

BoywhocriedwolfCautionary tales like “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” seem to be less prevalent than in the past.  Perhaps that is just my perception or my own implementation of life lessons to my kids.  I remember exactly who told me this story and for what reason.  It had the desired effect.  In third grade, I would frequently “not feel well” in order to be sent down to the nurse’s office.  Once my visits became frequent enough, the nurse recounted the story of the boy who cried wolf.  My visits to her office became more legitimate.

Although the moral of the story is extremely clear, it might be worth a revisit because it could go further.  In the end, the boy gets hurt because the townspeople don’t believe him.  His dishonesty lead  to pain because it short-circuited the system that was intended to protect him.  While this moral has served me and countless others well, let’s go further.

The boy not only put himself in peril, he also robbed himself.  He robbed himself of the experience of watching how the townspeople dealt with wolves.  His deception was a short term diversion that took away his long term solution.  If he had been diligent in his duties, he may have seen that scaring off the wolves was something that he could eventually do on his own.  Developing this skill set over time could have saved his life in the future.

This revisited moral is possibly even more useful than the original now.  The world is full of alarms, warning devices and security systems that keep us safe from “wolf attacks”.  However with all of this “protection” are we going to be ready to act when things go sideways.  If we are always providing our young people with a “safe space”, will they know how to handle themselves when real dangers show up?  Hope is not a strategy.  Hoping that the systems in place will be enough to cover all eventualities actually leaves those on the inside helpless.  So don’t hope that nothing will happen, take steps to prepare for those possibilities.

Systems can be great and it is completely fine that we depend on them, until it’s not.  Following the credo of the Boy Scouts, “be prepared!”  You don’t know what is coming in your future but if you never consider what’s possible in either the positive or the negative, then you’re bound to be unprepared.    We’ve all got exactly one objective in life: FCO (Figure Crap Out!).  That’s it!  You don’t deserve a problem free life.  You can only create one.  Not by eradicating all problems but by preparing for so many eventualities that you’re never caught by surprise!

Get ready people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Refuse to Lose Your Race

In high school, I ran track and field. High jump and long jump were my specialties but I also won points for the team in some of the sprints. Track is a completely different animal than most other sports. Although it’s a team competition, most of the events are competed as individuals. Much of a track meet is spent waiting around for your event to take place. So they end up being long affairs because all of the races are run on the same surface.

The longest race that was run in my area was the two mile. It could get time consuming if there were slow runners. So the officials would have the slow 2 milers move to the outside lanes and start the next race. It was pretty easy to tell the difference between someone running a slow 2 mile and the 400 meter relay, so it was an effective way to use the common space. Imagine though that the officials ran every single race at the same time. It would be chaos! Tracking who was leading which event would be difficult if not impossible. Despite this fact, it begins to paint a picture of the challenge that many people have internally and society may have externally.

The metaphor of a track and field competition is a useful one. Although time and distance are the two major measurements used, there are other factors that play heavily into certain events. A javelin thrower cares very little about the time of his run up but very much about his arm mechanics. The fact that all of the athletes are focusing on different components in order to get different results mirrors much of our perception of success in life.

People are gauging their success in different ways and for different reasons. Much like the simultaneous track events, it’s easy to get confused about whether you’re leading or trailing when comparing yourself with others. If you’re focus is on having a spectacular family life, you may feel like a failure when comparing your wealth to someone who is judging themselves only on the monetary metric. It’s a fool’s errand to try to beat someone at a game that you’re not even playing.

So the thing to do is Decide! Decide on the games that you’re playing. For sure you can play the family and monetary game simultaneously but recognizing that your attention is split between the two will keep you from caring about the 30 other games that are going on. Win on your own terms in the things that are important to you. You’re much more likely to enjoy the game when you set up the rules and keep score!

Ready?  Set!  Go!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

This Is What You Wanted

MarathonAs we are moving past the time when most people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions, I offer this subtle reminder.  THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.  It is sometimes a difficult thing to swallow.  Goals and resolutions are pretty and shiny when we create them.  Everything will go great!  You’ll be able to maintain this level of excitement until you get to the end!  The problem is that we usually forget or don’t know the following.

When you set up a goal or make a resolution it is much like ordering your favorite dessert.  For me that would be the classic chocolate milkshake.  Unfortunately you forgot to read the fine print.  Before you will be served your delicious dessert, you have an appetizer of pain coming.  That will be followed by a main course of discipline with self-sacrifice sauce and side order of humility.  Once you are able to choke down those mammoth size helpings of something that YOU DIDN’T ORDER, you’ll finally get that thing that you wanted.

Just remember that THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, all of it is part of the deal.  Embrace it.  You’ll actually find at some point  halfway through the main course that you like the taste of it.  Those things that you overlooked on the menu are actually something that you want for yourself.  The problem is that most people retreat too early because THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!  At the end of the meal you’ll have to settle up the check.  If you stuffed yourself full with meal and goal, the bill is paid with PRIDE.  If you left your meal unfinished, then you have a debt of REGRET that is difficult to wipe away.

Decide on what you want from the menu!

Pete

Uncategorized

Obvious Words Now Intentionally Tattooed

Things are obvious until they’re not.  Then they become obvious again.  The world was obviously flat until it wasn’t.  Now it’s obviously round and some people want to go back again.  Obviousness is not a measure of truth but an accessibility to proof.  Meaning that the proof is so easily accessible anyone can see it.  The problem with the obvious now becomes that everything is now easily accessible.  Both the proof of the true and the false can be found with a few swipes of the finger.  Like a bank vault filled with half counterfeit and half legitimate money, it is no longer the receptical that matters.  We are going to basically the same place for most of our information.  It is our ability to discern the fake from the real that matters most.

zeusPersonally I am not interested in making my beliefs, your beliefs.  I put my words out there in the hopes that they resonate with some people, not everyone.  For example, I’m not sure that they exist but I think it would be really cool if there were people who still believed in the Greek gods like Zeus.  It’s obvious to me that those gods don’t work for me but for someone else, they may work great (provided they’re not hurting others).  One of the keys to this life is figuring out what works for you, not what the “best practices” or “top ten tips” are.  No one else can live your life and therefore no one else should.

Whatever it is that you decide to do, you need to OWN IT.  If you believe in it, don’t shy away from it.  The words that you say, especially to yourself are important.  They are almost important enough to tattoo on your body but make sure that first you tattoo them in your mind.  Obvious Words Now Intentionally Tattooed!  Whether it’s a dream or a lifestyle or relationship, you must OWN IT.  Regardless of what the rest of the world wants.  Because the rest of the world is not your world.

Oprah Winfrey Network Internal Technologists was the original name that I had in mind for this post.  I’m an odd bird but my oddity is mine.

Thanks.  Make today your day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Dividing Your Fire Power

unforgivenEach of us has a potential amount of fire power in a given year.  If you think of your energy to finish projects as gunpowder, some of us have a barrel full and others could barely fill one of those Chinese novelty snap pellets.  While knowing how much powder you have is helpful, it is also important to divvy it up intelligently.  Even the barrel-full may not be sufficient if divided a thousand times and put into the wrong weapons.  By contrast, an intelligently used pinch could be life-changing.  So how much firepower do you really have and where are you going to use it?

red-ryderAt the end of this year will you be basking in the glory of your successful hunt?  Or will you be left standing with your Red Ryder Carbine in denial that you’re full of hot (but compressed) air?  That’s completely up to you and it starts right now.  Pick out your targets, if you haven’t already.  Write them down and decide how you will take them down.  Although truly ‘How’ is very rarely the problem.  It is usually getting the focus and commitment to the target that people fail to do.  So write them down now!

caddy-shackOnce you have your targets, then you can plan out how to systematically deal with each one.  It’s a simple enough process once you commit to it.  What you need to do is “fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence.  And that’s all she wrote!”

Take aim!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

He’s Got a Bad Motivator!

badmotivatorIt’s a throwaway line from Star Wars: A New Hope.  The purists will point out that the actual line is “This R2 Unit has a bad motivator!” but either way it is enough to stop the red droid in his tracks.  At that point, it’s back in the sand crawler with the Jawas.  There is something all too familiar about this situation.  At times motivation seems like an illusive force that some people have the power to wield while others struggle to find it.  There is nothing supernatural about it.  The reason to do or not do something (don’t get me started on trying) is a mixture of chemicals that are released in our brains and the story that we tell ourselves.   So if you’re not doing something that you want to (or know that you should), it’s because you’ve got a bad motivator.

In our society, we are rarely threatened by starvation, predators or a lack of resources.  These were the things that motivated our ancestors.  Theirs was a life linked heavily with necessity.  Our needs have been replaced by our desires.  Unfortunately for those with bad motivators, most of the things that are easily acquired come with bad side effects.  Also the things that have true value often require a decent amount of effort.  So the choice becomes do very little  to gain the trivial or find the motivation to get the things that matter.  The motivation that you seek is in the story that you tell yourself about your desired outcome.  If you don’t have it, then your story sucks!

The story has to be consistent, compelling and relevant daily in order to get you to act.  For example, many people continue to smoke despite the impending health risks.  The story that they have for smoking must be very strong while their quitting story must be weak. Since the story that you have is made up by you or at least approved by you, you also have the power to change it.  The power is in your belief.  If you believe that you need to lose 20 pounds before October 15th or you need to donate $100 to an anti-charity, you will (I did that).  It was surprisingly simple once the story was in place.  I didn’t change the story for anyone.  The monetary amount was enough to make it compelling.  It was an important part of each and every day.  I’d made myself the main character in a success story that I wanted to see come true.  That was enough.

So do you have a bad motivator?  Tell yourself a different story about that important thing that you want.  It’s the most important thing to get this right because you’re the main character in the movie of your life.  Why in the world would you settle for a crappy script?  Start small with the chapter of today then build on that success.  Most likely the only person stopping you is you.

Pete

Uncategorized

The Air Conditioning Farce

heatIn these hot summer days of New Jersey, an air conditioned house, store or office is a sanctuary.  Relief from the pounding heat and humidity seems as if it is a necessity.  I often think about our “pre-AC” ancestors and how they reacted to days like this.  Most likely, they had to be slightly more intelligent about breaks, shade and water.  The prospect of artificial cool was long off in the future.  Like so many of our modern conveniences, the advancement of technology seems to come attached to a double result: the desired effect and it’s opposite.

An air conditioner is thought of as a cooling mechanism, unless you visit the back end of the unit.  There you will realize that the AC unit is producing almost as much heat as cold.  So the cool factor is for a selected space and temporary.  When the heat and cool reunite, the entire equation is most likely a wash.   The effect for us as the recipients is not particularly a wash.  The perception of cool and hot becomes skewed.  While we have in theory “beaten the heat” by creating air conditioning, we’ve made ourselves less able to adapt to it when it is thrust upon us.  This inverse relationship is evident in many areas.  The internet has connected us all but we are losing our ability to communicate.  Everyone has a phone in their pocket but people are talking less.  We have more information than ever about the human body and how it works best but obesity and diabetes are rampant.  It is as if we have forgotten something that could bring us back to the center.  The thing that we have forgotten is that we are animals.  Specifically we are mammals who were intended to find an equilibrium with our surroundings in order to survive.

The technological advances that we have created have brought us off of our center where we feel like we need to adapt.  The world is supposed to adapt to us, right?  Not quite, when we forget our heritage, not too subtle reminders will be visited upon us.  So my message is pretty simple: Find out, without!  Find out who you are without all of the gadgets that you use to cause comfort.  Think, plan and execute some time in an outdoor environment that slightly tests who you are as a human animal.  An overnight hike, a day without air conditioning, a period of time with no cell phone or any other exercise that allows you to come back to a natural center.  (Yes!  I realize that I’m asking you to unplug while writing an article over the internet.  Hypocrisy?  Only if I did this without doing what I prescribe.)

So find out, without!  Find out whether or not you can have a face to face conversation with one of your Facebook friends.  Find out if you really would shrivel up in this heat or do you just need to have a plan for hydration and find shade.  The human animal has conquered this world and found now that his biggest adversary is himself.  Don’t get crushed by your comfort!

See you along the path!

Pete