Tag: life

Blogpost, self-reliance

He’s Got a Bad Motivator!

Pete Huryk

badmotivatorIt’s a throwaway line from Star Wars: A New Hope.  The purists will point out that the actual line is “This R2 Unit has a bad motivator!” but either way it is enough to stop the red droid in his tracks.  At that point, it’s back in the sand crawler with the Jawas.  There is something all too familiar about this situation.  At times motivation seems like an illusive force that some people have the power to wield while others struggle to find it.  There is nothing supernatural about it.  The reason to do or not do something (don’t get me started on trying) is a mixture of chemicals that are released in our brains and the story that we tell ourselves.   So if you’re not doing something that you want to (or know that you should), it’s because you’ve got a bad motivator.

In our society, we are rarely threatened by starvation, predators or a lack of resources.  These were the things that motivated our ancestors.  Theirs was a life linked heavily with necessity.  Our needs have been replaced by our desires.  Unfortunately for those with bad motivators, most of the things that are easily acquired come with bad side effects.  Also the things that have true value often require a decent amount of effort.  So the choice becomes do very little  to gain the trivial or find the motivation to get the things that matter.  The motivation that you seek is in the story that you tell yourself about your desired outcome.  If you don’t have it, then your story sucks!

The story has to be consistent, compelling and relevant daily in order to get you to act.  For example, many people continue to smoke despite the impending health risks.  The story that they have for smoking must be very strong while their quitting story must be weak. Since the story that you have is made up by you or at least approved by you, you also have the power to change it.  The power is in your belief.  If you believe that you need to lose 20 pounds before October 15th or you need to donate $100 to an anti-charity, you will (I did that).  It was surprisingly simple once the story was in place.  I didn’t change the story for anyone.  The monetary amount was enough to make it compelling.  It was an important part of each and every day.  I’d made myself the main character in a success story that I wanted to see come true.  That was enough.

So do you have a bad motivator?  Tell yourself a different story about that important thing that you want.  It’s the most important thing to get this right because you’re the main character in the movie of your life.  Why in the world would you settle for a crappy script?  Start small with the chapter of today then build on that success.  Most likely the only person stopping you is you.

Pete

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The “Gymcensus”

Pete Huryk

gymmirrorIt’s January 9th and the gyms are getting less crowded by the day.  The “Gymcensus” is almost over.  With the holiday season having just ended, the story behind Christmas should be in mind but I’ll recap just in case.  The story of Christmas starts with Joseph bringing Mary, his betrothed, to Bethlehem to be counted for the census.  Due to the large influx of people, Joseph and a very pregnant Mary were forced to stay in a stable because there was no room at the inn.  In that stable Jesus was born.  Then he and his family had to flee in order escape the wrath of King Herod who intended to kill the child.  Now we have created the modern equivalent.

The Gymcensus is a slightly skewed reenactment of the story of Jesus.  After the holidays, all people who want to believe that they will be fit this year must travel to a gym.  They must go as often as possible during the first few weeks of the new year in order to be counted in the Gymcensus.  Since it is so crowded and there are a limited number of elliptical machines, people are forced to lift weights or run.  At that point these people must flee the gym because they are afraid that exercise might kill them.  Either that or they flee from their friends that they told about the gym commitment because they cannot face their “failure”.  While this depiction of a New Year tradition may be comical, it does not need to be so pervasive.  Most gyms give you the tool that you need in order to stay through the census and actually become more fit.  That tool is the mirror.

The mirror is an underused tool in and out of the gym.  In all honesty, the trip to a gym is completely unnecessary.  The main action that needs to happen is to look in the mirror and come face to face with your opponent.  Once you have looked your opponent in the eye and sized him or her up, you’ll have a very good idea of what he or she is capable of.  Then all you need to do is beat your opponent by 1%.  Perhaps I grazed over that too quickly.  The only person that you are competing with is you!  You just need to start by doing a little bit more than the lazy version of yourself would do.  If you do that, then you’ll gain momentum.  DO NOT COMPETE WITH A PICTURE IN YOUR HEAD OR A PHOTO IN A MAGAZINE!  You’re setting yourself up for failure by doing that.  Only compete with you, the you of today.  Don’t take part in the Gymcensus!  Use the mirror in your gym, bathroom or wherever to regularly challenge your greatest opponent to be better.  If you don’t, then no one will.

You’re not here just to be counted, you’re here because you count!

Jocko Willink does an AMAZING job of illustrating a more intense version of this lesson when he talks about the “man in the cave” in his interview with Tim Ferriss.  It’s worth a listen.

Pete

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Transparencies

Pete Huryk

transparencyAt one point in my educational career, transparencies were the height of technology.  By today’s standards they are obsolete but at the time they were extremely helpful.  The ability to manipulate and project for a group to see was used daily.  My most vivid memories of them were from history class.  A territory could be shown with a variety of borders and other influencers.  Depending on the transparency that was placed onto the territory, a force like the Roman Empire could be all encompassing or completely inconsequential.  The territory was always the same but the translucent lines of borders and boundaries changed.  Even though the transparency projectors have all but disappeared, the influence of invisible and imaginary lines has not.

They are truly all around us, the transparent lines that often direct our lives.  The boundary lines, goal lines, bottom lines, traffic lines and party lines are subtly informing our every day experience.  So many different ways that we can choose to box ourselves in or direct our movement by using these lines.  The issue comes when the lines become walls that imprison.

Many of us have constructs that we have developed or have been developed for us.  Some are almost invisible until we look for them.  For example you are reading this blog in English.  If it is your first language, it changes the way that you look at the world compared to other languages.  A simple sentence like “I dropped the plate.” illustrates the point.  There is an underlying sense of responsibility attached to action because of the subject “I”.  Conversely the Spanish representation of the situation, “Se me cayó el plato.” literally translates to “The plate fell from me.”   For better or worse, the influence of simple things such as this can monumental and often taken for granted.  So the first step is to recognize as many of the lines that are influencing you as you can.  Then decide what makes sense.

When you peel back the layers of transparencies from your life, you will most likely find things that you’ve taken for granted that just don’t make sense.  Driving on the right side of the road may be a useful constraint to keep.  However there are probably others that can be amended or dropped in order to better service you in the pursuit of what you want today.  Perhaps you’ve always believed that you’re not smart, that planning isn’t important, that sex is REALLY important, that you need to make it on your own or a million other things.  Maybe you’ll keep most of your beliefs but it is worth the examination to see if you’ve painted yourself into a corner with beliefs that don’t make sense anymore.  If you want to be a millionaire but think that making minimum wage is the best you can do, you’ve got a problem.  Do the lines that you’ve painted for yourself point you in the direction that you want to be going?

img_1844Physically, mentally and emotionally; what do you believe about yourself, people and the world?  Write it down in your notebook, iPhone, laptop or anything else that works for you.  Then pick through it to see what you’re keeping, tweaking or tossing.  It’s up to you to clean up whatever mess you might have.  If you’re honest in your assessment, you’ll be able to see through the person that you need to read better than anyone else: yourself.

Go get your hands dirty boys and girls!

Pete

Blogpost

Might Never Get to Poland

Pete Huryk

polandFor the past six months or so, I’ve been learning Polish using a program called Duolingo.  It is a completely free online language learning tool.  I started using it to prove the point to my students that you can learn a foreign language by using such a tool.  When summer hit, I took a Polish hiatus but now I’m back on the train.  The funny thing is that I’m not sure that I’ll ever get to Poland.  It is the homeland of my ancestors and I love to travel but it is not a huge priority.  So then why bother to learn the language?  There is no foreseeable return on my daily investment of time and energy into this language.

Return on investment is an almost pervasive calculation in the modern world.  Kids and adults alike seem to be in a never-ending calculation of whether or not things are “worth their time or effort”.  This is not particularly the troubling thing.  Time is a nonrenewable resource.  So being conscious of how you are spending it just makes sense.  Energy is renewable but often feels like it is linked to the time.  As if the addition of energy to invested time multiplies it and can magnify any possible waste.  “I’m only applying if I know I’ll get the job.”  “I’m not going out for the team unless I’m on varsity.”  “I’m not going to ask her out, she might say ‘no’.”

The problem with this almost ruthless avoidance of wasted energy/time is that very few limits get pushed.  Possibility is viewed as a negative rather than a positive.  Life tends to shrink into a smaller and safer box that confines and disillusions us.  Investing in only sure things expends nothing extra.  It is a transaction of time and effort for a result.  In this type of mindset, there is no room to give true gifts.  People become hoarders because giving of themselves is too risky and scary.  In the end giving of one’s self is the best way to come to know yourself better.

The sure thing may be comforting but it is not progressive.  Putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone or spending ourselves in an uncertain endeavor are the places where we become a new version of ourselves.  Much like a software update, we have the possibility of becoming more but it requires some risk to the old version.  Perhaps I’m throwing away ten minutes per day by learning Polish.  Or maybe risking that small amount of time each day will take me somewhere that I never would have imagined.  In my eyes, I win either way because of who I’ve become; a person willing to move forward.  Where you are is most likely not where you want to be forever.  The opportunity is there for you to move forward but you have to risk the time and energy of the step.  It’s time to step up!

A funny little reminder

Pete

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Back on the Horse

Pete Huryk

HorseThe average person has probably never been on a horse.  It’s not as common as it once was.  For close to a century the horse has been replaced by machines that are more predictable, reliable and economical.  The one thing that these replacement vehicles are not, is natural.  Machines tend to act like machines.  However because of our close association with them over the past century, we have begun to think in mechanical terms.  The old relationship with the horse was one that can teach us so much about our own lives.

While horses can be domestic animals, it is not their natural state.  It takes work!  Daily work is required to take a massive animal and make it ride-able.  The later in life that this training starts, the more that the horse will resist because it is set in its ways.  Work with a horse for years but then leave it alone for a few months and the effects will be noticeable.  Its natural tendency is to buck, kick and fight being mounted.  The horse is not going to be ridden without a plan and consistent action to make it possible.  It is just like life.

We’ve automated and simplified so many things that a human life may not seem very natural anymore.  Despite all of our attempts to domesticate life, it is not going to go along without a plan and consistent action.  There is no single purchase that you can make which will make the rest of your life a breeze.  Life is supposed to buck, kick and fight you at times.  It will most likely come at the times where you’ve neglected something that needed your attention because natural things always do.

So for today, get back on the horse.  Start training it again.  Be prepared to be bucked.  It’s the way it’s  supposed to be.  So enjoy it!

 

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Reversing Now

Pete Huryk

RightNowWith a very quick internet search, I found a list of 225 stadiums in the United States.  This list does not  come close to covering all of the high school and college stadiums that exist.  However the number does illustrate pretty easily that we are obsessed with competition in this country.  The enormous salaries of professional athletes further shows that we put a huge value on competition.  Visiting one of those stadiums would make something else very clear.  Special attention is paid to championship seasons.  This means that the team either won more than anyone else or won when it mattered most.  Despite this overwhelming obsession with competition and results, in life we tend to ignore the games that are most meaningful.

The reason that we ignore is because there is no stadium, scoreboard or crowd.  The game that we are playing is the game of NOW.  Each moment of our life can be WON or lost.  NOW is the only game that matters and there are too many opponents to count.

We lose NOW to laziness.

We lose NOW to procrastination.

We lose NOW to fear.

We lose NOW to indifference.

We lose NOW to foolishness.

We lose NOW to the promise of later.

NOW has to be WON.  The beauty of this game is that we are in control of the rules, the scoring, and the opponents that we allow to play.  NOW is a rigged game if we’re willing to take control of it.

Decide today!  How do I win this moment?  How do I string a large number of winning moments together?  Have I been losing without even knowing?  Life is a game in so many ways.  Don’t forget that you’re the referee and the score keeper.  And most of all, don’t forget to lace up and start playing NOW!

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Filling the Void

Pete Huryk

voidIn evolutionary terms, humans have not changed much in a long time.  There is talk that redheads might disappear from the human race eventually.  This is a relatively small change in the dominant (in certain ways) species of the world.  Our historic and prehistoric ancestors generally lived an existence more focused on survival.  Their lives were based on filling the void in their stomachs before anything else.  Some civilizations began to fill the void in understanding the world around them and the heavens above.  Regardless of the time period, man has been trying to fill a void in his life.

Today in the hyper-individualized world of the 21st century, each person seems to have their own personal void which needs filling.  Generally speaking in the US, we have conquered the void of the stomach to an alarming amount of overkill.  The internet has given many the excuse of bypassing the void of the mind.  Since all knowledge is available, it becomes less important to know it.  In a world where the stomach is full and the mind is subject to whims of the shiniest things that shows up in front of us, it’s no wonder that people are struggling.  They are not struggling with staying alive but they are struggling with truly living.  Survival is a 24/7 job.  What do you do when that job is no longer necessary?  How do you fill that time that used to be spent surviving?

It should be spent living the life that you want.  You have ten, twenty, sixty more years of void.  What are you going to do with it?  That is the true question.  I do not stand in judgment of what you want for yourself.  It is after all, your life.  The thing that I ask is for you to truly consider what it is that you want, rather taking what you are given.  Fill your life, fill your time, fill your mind, fill your heart with the things that truly want.  Do more than just stay alive.  Live as if you’ve only got one shot at this.

Thanks guys!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Life is…

Pete Huryk

1998In 1998, my best friend, Schaefer, and I spent a month in Europe.  We truly went to watch five matches at the World Cup but we also traveled to England, Spain, Germany and France.  In many ways you could not have picked a more perfect vacation for me: best friend, Europe and soccer.

We actually arrived prior to the Cup starting and did some traveling in England and then headed to Barcelona, Spain.  After spending about three days in Barcelona, we were scheduled to take a train to Paris on Sunday in order to pick up our ticket and start the soccer part of our trip.  That Saturday, we were taking the Metro down to the Las Ramblas area.  We sat on the bench waiting for the train.  Schaef was rearranging some things between his money belt and backpack when the train arrived.  Thirty seconds after the train pulled away, Schaef realized that he’d left his money belt on the bench with his passport in it.  (Don’t judge Schaef here, out of character moment.)  At the next stop we turned around and went back but the money belt and everything in it was gone.

We figured out where the US Embassy was and took the train to get there.  Please bear in mind that the internet was not as widely accessible at the time.  Upon our arrival we were hit with the next problem, it was Saturday and the Embassy was closed.  The only person at the Embassy was a guard who only spoke Spanish.  I explained the situation to the guard and he put me on the phone with an official from the Embassy.  In order to cross the border into France (pre European Union), we needed a copy of his passport (we had) and a police report explaining that the passport had been stolen.  My Spanish abilities were put to the test by filling out a police report.  So the next day we went to the train station with our flimsy documents and a great deal of hope.  Luckily we made it across the border.

On Monday morning we had our next hurdle to clear.  We needed to pick up our tickets before 5pm at a hotel on the outskirts of Paris.  Since the tickets were in Schaef’s name, we needed his passport first.  We went to the US Embassy in Paris and spent hours waiting.  I don’t recall what time we got there but I know what time we left 4:30pm.  As fast as we could run with our large packs on our backs, we got to the Metro.  We found the street we needed on the Metro map.  There were two stops on that street but we had no idea which would be closer to the hotel.  50/50 chance and we blew it!  The hotel was about a mile up the road and it was 4:55.  So again, we ran as fast as we could and with our packs on our backs did about a 7 minute per mile pace.  At 5:02, we reached the hotel!  Upon entering we were informed that the pick up time for tickets had been extended two hours.

From a month long trip to Europe with my best friend, going to the biggest soccer event in the world, this is the story that I’ve told the most.  I remember who won all of the games that we saw but I can’t remember the scores.  How is it possible that my favorite part of the trip is when everything went wrong?

Life is not a spectator’s sport.  It is intended for people to take what God, Allah or nature has given to them and do the most that they can with it.  The times when you are going to figure out what you are truly made of are the times when things fall apart.  ANYONE can take the guided tours at the Louvre or Prado.  It takes little thought or ingenuity and it teaches you very little about yourself.  The limits of you are not found on the guided tours.  Easy, comfortable and failure-free are the lives of spectators.

We spend much of our life avoiding something that we call “failure”.  Usually failure is associated with mistakes and we try to avoid making big ones at all costs.  Schaef made a pretty big mistake.  It wasn’t fatal and it allowed us to live in a scenario with an outcome that was uncertain.  Uncertainty is something that we need at times in life.  Balance between certainty and uncertainty is what makes life interesting.  The thing is that we spend so much time trying not to fail that we often fail to live.  Anything that is truly worth having is a gamble on some level.

Life is a scenario where the outcome is uncertain.  That is part of the deal.  If you are looking for a life without failure, discomfort and difficulty, then you are looking for boredom.  Don’t go looking to fail but don’t avoid it either.  Failure is often where you learn the most about yourself and what you’re made of.  Make yourself better by learning from failure.

Get out there people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Beezy World

Pete Huryk

BeezyMy daughter is an amazing person especially for a six year old.  She is always coming up with entrepreneurial ventures and brilliantly off the wall ideas.  Her imagination is amazing and she has created her own world in many ways.  Most recently she has asked to have her room repainted to look like “Beezy World” (Beezy is my wife’s nickname for her).  The clouds are lower in Beezy World and the blue sky is on top.  She has also developed not just one but several languages for Beezy World including Beezy Spanish and Beezy Chinese.  It is pretty obvious that she carries this world with her on a daily basis.

Although the creation of a personal world may seem like a childish thing to do, we all do it on some level.  We all live in our own version of the world.  There are some constants and overlapping but in many ways, we carry our own world along with us.  In a very Obi-Wan sense, our world is dependent upon our point of view.  For some of us we are semi-passive and the world happens to us.  While for others of us, we are active.  The world is not what happens to us but rather our influence on our surroundings.  So the world is not as concrete as it may seem but is more the result of the ingredients that we add to it.

So the question becomes do you like the world that you carry around with you?  Is your Beezy World the one that you want painted in your room?  Or is it time to make a change?  Since you are the creator of this world, make it what you want it to be!

Carry on!

Pete

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

Winning vs. Leading

Pete Huryk

DaxGoalAs a teacher of language, I often find fault with the English language.  It falls short in many ways.  It breaks its own rules.  Pronunciation is ambiguous and changes happen all the time.  Probably my biggest gripe with English is that many of the things we say are either misleading or cause us to look at things in a way that does not serve us.

One instance of this vocabulary problem is from my position as a coach.  The phrase “we’re winning” needs to go.  It is something that I know I’ve said before because it’s what prompted me to write this post.  Winning is worthless until you have won.  Even worse is realizing that you’re winning causes a sense of comfort and a change in attitude toward the game.

Until you’ve won, you’re leading.  Leading does not imply a result but rather a process.  Leading means that you’re ahead of the opponent but they are still there.  Leading is something that can be taken away if you let it.  Leading is difficult and a struggle.  It takes effort and focus to lead until the end but if you want to win, it’s what you have to do.

Don’t let the word trick you.  You’re not winning or losing.  Either you’re leading or you’re trailing!

Don’t stop until you’ve won!

Pete