Author: Pete Huryk

I'm an author and public speaker from New Jersey. My topics are usually aimed toward teenagers and range from self-esteem/self-reliance to peak performance in sports.
Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

Club Soccer and Dunbar’s Number: Is bigger better?

Pete Huryk

dunbarHumans are social animals.  Our ability to survive and thrive has been based on our interconnections.  Although technology has created the ability to “connect” with anyone around the world, our greatest and most meaningful connections are with those around us.  The people that we interact with regularly make up our “tribe”.  Despite the infinite number of possible connections, Dunbar’s number is a suggested limit to the amount of people with whom one can maintain social relationships.   Although it is merely a guideline, it makes for an interesting starting place when discussing organizations such as soccer clubs.

Soccer clubs in the United States have become a pervasive part of the landscape of the sport.  While many of these clubs are entities that improve the sport and the lives of its members, there is definitely room for improvement in the establishment and organization of a larger number clubs.  In essence, the successful club needs to find a balance in a two front battle of: where clubs come from and where the particular club is going.

Where Clubs Come From

Clubs start with people.  During my last trip to England, I went to an academy match at Dagenham & Redbridge.  It’s a small lower league club on the outskirts of London.  I was early for the match, so I went into the club house to stay warm and grab a beer.  It was obvious to the twenty or so people that were there that I was an outsider.  Perhaps I was pegged as an American because of my clothes but even without that, it was pretty obvious that all of these people knew each other.  That is the whole point!  Clubs are communities.  Although soccer is now the focal point, the social aspect is the starting point.  People’s need to be together is where clubs truly start.  Soccer clubs are just a subset of something that people have been doing for centuries for a variety of reasons.  Since being together is so integral, it should not be forgotten.

Club Direction

The second consideration is the club purpose or direction.  At some point (hopefully at the beginning), a club needs to define a purpose.  This is probably the biggest issue that most clubs have.  They are unsure of why they exist and therefore struggle to do more than be the administrative support for individual teams.  While this may seem like a completely acceptable arrangement, it is a neutered version of what the organization can be.  Clubs can improve young talent, be a force for good in the community, build confidence in young people or it can do all of the above and more.  Often this is done by default rather than design.  The results are felt by a small number of the members rather than the culture perpetuating them.  The vision and the actions of the club need to be in alignment with one another.  Being the club that helps develop the self-esteem of young people, is a fine vision for a club.  However this vision is inconsistent with having twice-annual tryouts.  Be who you are.

Once the vision is in place, Dunbar’s number can be applied in a variety of ways.  Although it may seem that Dunbar’s number lends itself toward the organization of smaller clubs, it can actually be applied to any size club but needs to be done with intention.

The Community Club – A local club that encompasses both a recreation and travel program can be an extremely effective environment.  With the shared surroundings, schooling and history, these types of clubs represent why Dunbar’s number was developed in the first place.

The Travel Teachers – A small club with a team at each age U9-18 hits Dunbar’s number almost perfectly.  While this may seem to max out the number, it truly depends on the structure and direction of the club.  Truly the U18 players do not need to relate directly with the U9s.  However if that is part of the culture that is being built, the older players can be mentors to the younger ones.  This type of scenario can have a virtuous cycle of development over the years.

The Talent Incubator – At some slightly larger clubs, it may be beneficial to have players of the same age group practicing and interacting regularly.  Rather than players being sectioned off as teams, an entire age group becomes a tribe unto itself.  The players see the competition at their own level regularly.

The Regional Behemoth –  A larger club can effectively apply Dunbar’s number by sectioning itself into smaller subsets.  All of these subsets need to understand the overall vision of the club.  This type of club is usually the most difficult to manage because of the sheer numbers.  However effective management can be achieved by each subset having a direct link to the central structure.  The name or the club’s reputation usually bring the players in but often teams tend to splinter off when they feel separated from the organization.  People are more loyal to friends and teammates than they are to logos and reputations.  So the club must always try to maintain its humanity regardless of size.

These examples are just generalizations of possible application.  However these short descriptions represent what many clubs have failed to do which is create a structure based on a thought process.   Dunbar’s number is a guideline that helps to avoid the pitfalls of over expansion without planning.  Humans are social creatures by nature.  Realizing and embracing that fact from the beginning gives anyone looking to build an organization a much greater possibility for success, whatever that word means for your organization.

Stand up and be counted!

Pete

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The Beloved Poison Merchant

Pete Huryk

poisonDuring college and for the first year after I graduated, I had a job as a poison merchant.  It was a really good job for a young person.  The pay was above average, the hours fit perfectly into my personal and social schedules.  My boss was a great guy who treated me extremely well because he recognized that I was a valuable member of the team.  Our customers really liked me and I had banter with the regulars.  I knew the preferences of the regulars and was adept at helping the people who didn’t know what they wanted.  Despite how well things were going as a poison merchant, I opted to follow a more noble cause: knowledge salesman!

The past sixteen years as a knowledge salesman have been a tough slog.  I have plenty of prospective customers who are forced to consider my products.  Unfortunately most of them are resistant to buy because of the obligation that is held over their head.  Most see no point to my product and think the price is too high.  My store is antiquated.  Even though I see all of the deficiencies in my company, it’s an old industry that believes that it will always exist.  Despite the poor working conditions, I truly do care for my customers and know that my product could help them toward a better life.  Unfortunately I have grown weary from fighting with my customers in their own self-interest.  I know that in other parts of the world, customers risk death to get my products.  While in my territory, low prices are demanded constantly and I know that many of my customers despise me for trying to do my job.  The thing that keeps me going at the moment is my former customers who send me the occasional message of thanks.  I’ve thought often of going back to being a poison merchant.

Value is not a fixed thing.  Currency, real estate, commodities and almost anything else in this world has a value relative to the desire for that item, service, etc.  Since value is driven by need/desire, it changes by region, time period or circumstance.  It can also be deceptive.  Humans put great value on things that are inherently worthless much of the time.  They also put little to no value on things that are of great importance.  My time working at a beer and wine store and as a teacher are not particularly an indictment of American culture but they do paint a picture of the value that we put on different things.  Value is decided both individually and collectively.  As each of us presses forward in our lives and communities, it is important  to decide what we truly value in both the short and long term.

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The 3rd Person

Pete Huryk

3rd PersonIt’s full blown election season and this one is a doozy!  Now I know that it is a “faux pas” to talk politics but I will keep it clean.  Regardless of who you personally support there is the ever-present idea that if another side is elected that the country is “going to hell in a hand-basket”.  Having heard this type of fear during many elections and never seeing it actually happen, this race may be heated but not particularly new.  The major problem that I see is not with the election but the bigger problem: the 3rd person.

At the end of the National, State and Local elections, a large majority of people will submit themselves to being victims of the 3rd person.  “They”, “he” or “she” will cause all kinds of problems in the lives of regular citizens.  This point of view leaves those citizens completely powerless and it is completely contrary to the founding principles of this country.  The very first words of the Constitution are “We The People”, not “They The Politicians”.  At a certain point, that fact got lost in the shuffle of daily life.  We do not all have to run for political office.  However the elect, complain and blame model is not progressing us toward a better life.  While it is obvious in politics, it is evident in other areas as well.  The 3rd person seems to ruin many people’s lives daily.

The boss, the guy in traffic, the gossipy bitches at work, the carbs, the alcohol and so many other 3rd persons can be blamed for where we are.  These are easy scapegoats but much like the view of politics today, this is a losing long-term strategy that leaves us powerless.  It is time to say I and WE before giving power up to “THEY”.  Regardless of how real your complaints about they are, it will get you much farther to focus on what you CAN do rather than what they are not doing.  Have the constitution of your life start with “I”.

Have a great Labor Day!

Pete

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Invisible Meals

Pete Huryk

InvisibleMealI love food!  Almost too much.  This is at least one of the causes of my battle with weight loss.  Cravings for things that taste good at meal time are a daily occurrence.  Although I know all of the reasons for a healthy diet, the struggle still exists.  Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.  The other day I started to give some real thought to this dilemma.  At that time I realized that most meals are invisible.  It’s not that we can’t see them at all but rather that they only exist long enough to serve their purpose.  After they are gone, they are generally forgotten.

If you were asked, I’m sure you could probably remember what you had for dinner, lunch and breakfast yesterday.  However unless you eat the same thing each day or have a schedule, the memory of your meals probably only goes back a week or less.  Even take a special meal like Thanksgiving, you probably remember what you had but don’t remember whether the turkey was dry or how many helpings of mashed potatoes you had.  The power of a meal is the power of an instant.  Based on our national problem with obesity, it is easy to see that we have a problem with getting past those instances.

Choosing what we want most over what we want right now is the key to overcoming this issue.  It does not just relate to food and weight.  It is a failure to fully decide what we want before the instant of temptation comes up.  Being prepared to react to those temptations with a steadfast denial by saying with your actions, “I already chose differently.”  It is not easy!  Without a doubt, this is most likely a fight against years or even decades of habit and desire.  Depending on the habit, like me, you may be carrying around a large reminder of all of those momentary choices with almost no memory of the “joy” that they brought.

So if the memory is going to fade of these instances and you know they will, can you start to make a better choice?  Can you choose to not be overwhelmed by now in the service of later?  Whether it’s food, sex, anger, distraction, beer or any other vice that you may have, make your choice before the moment arrives.  Then carry that decision into tomorrow.  You are not a machine!  This will take time and practice but remember that your present desire will eventually fade in your memory.  Most meals end up being invisible.

Have a great week!

Pete

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The Air Conditioning Farce

Pete Huryk

heatIn these hot summer days of New Jersey, an air conditioned house, store or office is a sanctuary.  Relief from the pounding heat and humidity seems as if it is a necessity.  I often think about our “pre-AC” ancestors and how they reacted to days like this.  Most likely, they had to be slightly more intelligent about breaks, shade and water.  The prospect of artificial cool was long off in the future.  Like so many of our modern conveniences, the advancement of technology seems to come attached to a double result: the desired effect and it’s opposite.

An air conditioner is thought of as a cooling mechanism, unless you visit the back end of the unit.  There you will realize that the AC unit is producing almost as much heat as cold.  So the cool factor is for a selected space and temporary.  When the heat and cool reunite, the entire equation is most likely a wash.   The effect for us as the recipients is not particularly a wash.  The perception of cool and hot becomes skewed.  While we have in theory “beaten the heat” by creating air conditioning, we’ve made ourselves less able to adapt to it when it is thrust upon us.  This inverse relationship is evident in many areas.  The internet has connected us all but we are losing our ability to communicate.  Everyone has a phone in their pocket but people are talking less.  We have more information than ever about the human body and how it works best but obesity and diabetes are rampant.  It is as if we have forgotten something that could bring us back to the center.  The thing that we have forgotten is that we are animals.  Specifically we are mammals who were intended to find an equilibrium with our surroundings in order to survive.

The technological advances that we have created have brought us off of our center where we feel like we need to adapt.  The world is supposed to adapt to us, right?  Not quite, when we forget our heritage, not too subtle reminders will be visited upon us.  So my message is pretty simple: Find out, without!  Find out who you are without all of the gadgets that you use to cause comfort.  Think, plan and execute some time in an outdoor environment that slightly tests who you are as a human animal.  An overnight hike, a day without air conditioning, a period of time with no cell phone or any other exercise that allows you to come back to a natural center.  (Yes!  I realize that I’m asking you to unplug while writing an article over the internet.  Hypocrisy?  Only if I did this without doing what I prescribe.)

So find out, without!  Find out whether or not you can have a face to face conversation with one of your Facebook friends.  Find out if you really would shrivel up in this heat or do you just need to have a plan for hydration and find shade.  The human animal has conquered this world and found now that his biggest adversary is himself.  Don’t get crushed by your comfort!

See you along the path!

Pete

 

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Temporary Real Estate

Pete Huryk

RealEstateA plot of sand at the beach, deck chairs at the pool, a spot in line, a seat toward the back of the class and hundreds of other locations are the temporary spots that we mark out for ourselves.  They are important to us only as long as we need them.  Although we know that they are just for now, we defend them and sometimes ruthlessly.  The territoriality of humans and the individually made rules associated with it are complex and seemingly inherent.  We want to have a space to call our own and defend it with fervor.

This phenomena was on full display for me in the past few days when I visited three different amusement parks.  The defensiveness of the space is heightened as the density of people increases.  Also the perceived stakes of the space comes into play heavily.  The value that the individual puts on the space is largely influenced by the scarcity of the “prize” that the space provides.  People waiting in line for entrance into the park are much more defensive than the people in the wave pool waiting to get hit by a wave.  Although it is all temporary, the ownership feels very real.

Ultimately almost all of our space is temporary and will eventually belong to someone else.  Houses, apartments, cars and even our burial plots will eventually belong to another person, creature or to nature itself.  Despite our very temporary hold on these forms of real estate, we spend time protecting and preserving them as if they were indefinite.  There is one place only you will ever own.  Yet many people allow easy access to this space as if it were just a blanket on the beach.

Your mind is your own and will be as long as you defend it.  Like holding your place in line, you need to be aware of those who are trying to sneak in.  Much like the owner of a house who has teenage children, you must be aware of people that you trust having a party at your expense.  No one will care for this space as much as you.  So mark your territory!  Be aware of who is allowed in and who needs to be kept out.  This is your real estate, don’t put it up for auction.

Have a great day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Chewing Tobacco Solution

Pete Huryk

tobaccoMy cousin who is fifteen years older than me used to go on vacations with my family each summer.  At the time, I was a teenager and he was in his early thirties with a very successful career in retail.  Despite my seemingly inferior station in life, I was able to change his life for the positive with little more than a few words.  I’m hoping that the process can give some hints about making big changes in your life.

It was completely unintentional but it sticks out in my memory as if it were scripted out.  My cousin was and is pretty fanatical about health and fitness.  He would run everyday, do push-ups and sit-ups in order to maintain his chiseled physique.  Despite this relentless pursuit of fitness, he had a habit that seemed out of place to me.  He used chewing tobacco daily.  It wasn’t anything that particularly bothered me.  I had friends who used it.  The thing that felt out of place was that it seemed contrary to all that he valued.  So as we were driving home from North Carolina and he got his spit bottle ready for his next lip full of tobacco, I made the simple statement.  “It seems odd to me that you do that.  You are so healthy in all other parts of your life but you do something that you know is horrible for you.  I just don’t understand.”  That was all that it took.  He didn’t tell me until much later that he had quit using tobacco and that was the reason.

Many of our decisions break down to the story that we tell ourselves about ourselves.  It could be true or it could be bullshit.  The main thing is that the story is effective at moving life forward in a positive manner.  The reason why my simple statement was able to change my cousin so quickly was that it showed an inconsistency in his story about himself.  In that situation, I knew his story about himself and showed him how the tobacco didn’t fit.  People want to stay consistent with the image that they have of themselves.  That’s the entire reason why the term “midlife crisis” exists.  Men (usually) make poor decisions in order to maintain an image that they have of themselves as young, cool, etc.

The first step to changing a behavior in yourself or someone else is to know the person’s story.  What is an identity that they want to uphold at all costs?  Is their family the center of their world?  Do they think of themselves as an athlete?  Do they think of themselves as successful?  Once you know the story, take that thing that needs changing and flip it against their story about themselves.  I keep saying they but I really want you to do this to yourself.  So if your family is extremely important but you are obese, then you actually don’t care about them very much.  If you truly cared, you’d do your best to guarantee that you’ll be around for them.  The combinations of stories and behaviors is infinite.

The key is to find the one that works.  Results are what we are after, not an excuse to feel bad about one’s self.  Your mind can play tricks on you.  It is time for you to play tricks on it to help you get where you want to go.  The possibilities of your tomorrow need to be forged in the thoughts that you have today.

Tell yourself a better story about you!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Shipwrecked

Pete Huryk

OarsMy son and I have taken a few trips down the Musconetcong  River in an inflated two man boat.  The first two trips were successes.  On the third trip, I completely misjudged the river conditions.  We ended up popping the boat, walking much of the trip (in and out of the water) and my cellphone ended up getting waterlogged.  The trip was not ideal by any stretch of the imagination.  As usual we were dropped off at the river several miles from our house and then left to make our way home.  The low water levels did not become a true problem until we were about a half hour into the trip.  At that point, it is too late to turn back.  Luke and I had anticipated a few bumps along the way but we got a full on shipwreck and I’m so glad that we did.

Neither of us enjoyed the trek that we made down the river.  Half of the time we were in the boat, half we were out and eventually when it popped we had to walk the river without an exit to the road for a while.  Regardless of our poor circumstances, we kept chatting and dealing with small problems as they arose.  It was not the trip that we wanted but that didn’t mean that we had to hate it.  This was not taking lemons and making lemonade.  This was slogging and knowing it was slogging but moving forward anyway and not lamenting it.  It was something that had to be dealt with.

All too often life hands us poor circumstances.  In the natural world, lamenting your circumstances gets you nothing.  It is only in our overly cushy society that complaints do much to improve a situation.  Generally speaking, the world is not interested in your comfort, preferences or desires.  It gives you circumstances and you can choose to whine or choose to move forward.  A shipwreck is not particularly a death sentence or even a negative occurrence, unless you decide that it is.

Bon voyage!

Pete

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Two Worlds

Pete Huryk

two worldsElon Musk and others are working on plans to eventually colonize Mars.  It is long term thinking that is necessary given the human race’s rapid destruction of our own planet.  The plans for this type of project will require some of the brightest minds using the best technology available.  Without a doubt it is one of the most ambitious endeavors that is being attempted at the moment.  Before reaching the “Red Planet”, all of the planning and preparation needs to be done here on Earth.  Survival on Mars is completely dependent upon the work from this planet.

The same is true for all of us.  We are also working on a two world project.  All of the preparation and planning  (or lack thereof) is done in our minds and put into action with our bodies.  Just like the Mars colonization, your life needs to be constructed with forethought or it will lead to some form of failure.  While your life may not be a grandiose mission to another planet in service to the human race, it is a mission in the service of at least one person (you).  Leaving a project of this much importance to chance seems ridiculous.  Your second world needs to be created with deliberate mindfulness.  This is by no means an easy task!  Most people struggle with aspects of the creation of their ideal life.  Just because it is not easy, does not mean that it isn’t important.

So take a long hard look at your world.  Is it presently the way that you want it?  Is the environment correct for sustaining the life that you want?  Who do you want in that world?  Are you doing things to poison and destroy your own world?  These are just some of the questions that you may want to ask yourself.  It can be a beautiful world but you need to make it!

Enjoy the day, it belongs to you!