A long-standing favorite movie of mine is “Singles” which features Pearl Jam and the Seattle music scene as a backdrop to convoluted number of love stories. At one point, two single guys, Steve and Bailey discuss their upcoming night out in search of companionship.
- David Bailey : Tonight I’ll be the super me.
- Steve Dunne : What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?
- David Bailey : Then it’s no problem.
- Steve Dunne : Uh-huh. Why?
- David Bailey : Because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie, Steve.
While there is some logic behind Bailey’s strategy, it’s not without its holes. At a certain point, the real person has to come out and that could be awkward. If the facade is vastly different from the reality, no one ends up happy. However, I believe that Bailey probably didn’t really want to be fake. He simply wanted to plausible deniability inside of his own head or an imperviousness to rejection. Since it wasn’t really him, then it didn’t matter. This is where the tension of two becomes a crucial concept. The ability to hold two opposing ideas in one’s head at the same time.
Bailey needs to not care about someone rejecting him while simultaneously projecting an authentic version of himself. This may not be easy but also not impossible. It’s the way that many primitive bridges existed. The middle is held up by the tension created on each side. The tension of two allows people to traverse the world!
Holding two ideas in your head at once is a skill that needs to be developed. No doubt! There are times to have singular focus. But protecting your self-esteem while being vulnerable actually is necessary at times. Those dichotomies are difficult to reconcile but people who can have a distinct advantage. Being the super you, also needs to involve being authentic you!
Build that bridge!
Pete
Huryk Unlimited 