Tag: soccer

Blogpost, self-reliance

What You Need To Hear… Why Best Friends Matter

Pete Huryk

What you need to hear is usually not the same as what you want to hear. Generally we want to hear about how well we’re doing, how special we are or how we cannot be replaced. All of these are true to a degree. When all variables are considered, there’s a certain amount of truth to almost anything that someone tells you. There are, of course, some truths that have the power to change everything in an instant. The problem is that a force of that magnitude is overwhelming. It can destroy just as easily as it can create change. So the truth needs to come from a source that is trusted to a degree that malice is not even a consideration. That is the space of a best friend. They cannot do it often but it’s possible for a best friend to tell you exactly what you need to hear, right when you need to hear it.

Best of friends ready to travel together.
Older now but still have each other’s back!

I was lucky enough to have that experience this weekend. A truth bomb was dropped from a person that I trust with anything that I have, including my perception of myself. For a moment, he held up a picture of how he sees me. At first I discounted it because the message sounded a lot like things that I’ve said to myself before. But he stuck with it and it hit me. He was right in all of the best ways. Not because it was easy to hear but rather the exact opposite. It was hard to hear and the only reason that he was telling me is because he cares for me so much.

So now it’s on me! I’ve been told the hard thing and I know the magnitude of truth that comes with it. I could choose to discount it but that doesn’t serve me. So I need to lean into it. Learn from it and change. Many people in our lives don’t want us to change because they’ve become accustomed to a version of us that makes them feel comfortable. My friend wants the best version of me to show up! Shouldn’t I want the same thing for myself?

Thanks!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Relative Feeling of Heat and Hard

Pete Huryk

It’s the middle of summer and a heat wave recently passed through. If the temperature dropped to 60 degrees, people would be throwing on sweatshirts and jackets because of “the cold”. In the middle of the winter, that same 60 degree weather would prompt t-shirts and comments on “the heat”. The 60 degrees is objective but our experience of it is not. We place our subjective observation onto the situation based on our recent past. It’s our relation to the facts, not the facts themselves.

Since my recent weeks have been filled with summer preparations for the upcoming season, I’ve seen this same phenomena with hard. Something is only hard in comparison to the recent activity of the individual or group. A mile is nothing when you’re used to running 5 or more. Humans have an amazing ability to endure great difficulty. We can make the hard, easy with the right amount of time and effort. Unfortunately the flip side to that coin also exists! We can make easy, hard with a lack of effort over time.

We all think that we want an “easy” life. The thing that we tend not to realize is that the easy is all based on our perspective from what we’ve done recently. There is no objectivity here! We’re playing the game of life from exactly one perspective that no one else can have. So whether it’s easy or hard, mostly that choice is up to you but it’s made through your actions over time. If you choose to take it easy, just remember that hard is waiting around the corner!

Have a hard day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Do You Want to Play?

Pete Huryk

Recently I had a conversation with a player. My compliment to him that he really looked like he wanted to play in our recent sessions. The recognition and statement were actually a culmination of work that he’d done over the past few months. Regardless it was obvious that he WANTS to play!

This statement may seem almost ridiculous. Everyone wants to play! That may be true that they would rather be on the field than on the bench. However many people are not willing to do the work to get there. They hope that whatever effort they put in will be good enough and get frustrated when it’s not. They act as if playing time were a divine right (lower levels, I get it). At the more competitive levels, practice is the player’s job and playing time is their bonus. Some people want the bonus and others don’t.

Everything that we want in life comes with some form of price. Perhaps it’s just time and attention. It’s not enough to want to something! The price for that thing needs to be paid. Bringing enough desire to the table is crucial to getting past the price. Everyone wants something. What do you want and are you willing to do what it takes to get it?

Put me in coach!

Pete

Salisbury 1994
Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

Financial Offside

Pete Huryk

For many people, the offside rule is the most confusing part of soccer. The concept seems difficult and it can be tough to track in real time but overall most soccer people understand the concept. The problem is that in the heat of the moment, our vision gets skewed by emotion. I recall distinctly saying to a group of my players at the college level, “By the way that you complain, we must never be offside.” The comment wasn’t lost on them and they became more discerning about whether or not they were being honest with themselves about the calls being made. Being able to see the objective truth, rather than our preferred truth is extremely important in a lot of areas, especially finance!

The idea of financial offside is a simple one that most people should see as blatantly obvious. Yet much like the players that I mentioned above, we tend to get blinded by our emotions in many situations. The simple version of financial offside is “don’t spend money that you don’t have!” Again! Like the offside rule, there are caveats to this pretty basic concept. Things like mortgages and other loans are “money that you don’t have” but are often necessary in many instances. The financial offside rule is more about those unnecessary purchases that are made out of desire and not necessity. The “shiny objects” that are going to fill an emotional hole for a moment but most likely will not fill a practical need. If you have unlimited means, absolutely buy to your heart’s content. However, if you’re like most people, you probably need to be aware of the invisible moving line of your finances. It moves on a daily, weekly and yearly basis. The line is drawn at the last dollar that you have liquid in your possession. Credit blurs the line slightly. So being aware of whether, you’re over the line, approaching the line or completely onside is something that you should know. Don’t make the assumption that my players did! You’re not always onside, just because it’s you! Your emotional justification of the reasons why you’ve crossed over have nothing to do with the cold hard fact. When you’ve spent more than you have, you’re creating problems for yourself!

So here are two simple ideas that can actually help to keep you “onside” in your finances. They are similar to ideas that work in soccer.

  • Wait! – Lots of unnecessary purchases are made out of the emotion of the moment. Let the moment pass. If you practice this strategy on a regular basis, it will become easier. Delaying a purchase until you’ve considered the financial impact will protect you from poor purchases.
  • Pay attention – You need to regularly check in on your finances. They are not one of those friends that you don’t see for years and just pick up where you left off. Depending on who you are, the check in may need to be as often as daily. Being afraid to face the truth is no excuse and once you know the truth, planning is easier.

Finances are a scary concept for a lot of people. Just like the offside rule, they can seem difficult but I’m trying to help fix that issue. Later in the summer, my co-author and I will be releasing a book that explains finances using soccer as a metaphor. Financial offside is such a simple concept that it’s not included in the book but I figured I’d put the idea out there as a bit of a “teaser”.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Call Me “Mike”

Pete Huryk

When I played soccer in college during my freshman year, there was a player on the team from the Gambia named Ousman (pronounced “ooze mahn”). He was relatively quiet but an absolutely amazing player who had a rocket of a shot. Being in a new country for the first time, he did not always socialize with the team outside of practices and games. The one time that I do remember him hanging around someone asked about whether we were getting the pronunciation of his name right. The question “What do you say when people ask what your name is?” His response “I usually say ‘Call me Mike'”. His rationale to us was that it was easier for people to say. Even now, I’m not sure if he was joking or not because he only played that one year. However that incident came back to me this morning.

The strategy that Ousman used, is one that we all use from time to time. Change who you are in order to make others feel more comfortable. I’ll admit fully that I am guilty of it regularly. Now some of this cannot be escaped in the civilized world. We should not be our 100% authentic selves. Many of us would be walking around with wet pants etc. if we just reacted to our every impulse in the moment. More of what I’m talking about here is the tendency to be a “watered down” version of ourselves. Those little things that we do in order to fit in but that undermine who we are. The comfort that is gained usually doesn’t serve either person. Again, there’s a balance to be struck in all things but I am reminded of the passage by Marianne Williamson “Our greatest fear” (below). We do not serve others by playing small.

There is nothing wrong with being “Mike” if that’s who you truly are. However, if you’re Ousman, Fred, Ignacious, Isabel, Fahruz or anyone else, then don’t pretend to be Mike for the sake of others. Your individuality carries with it the power to inspire others and unhinge the doors that separate us. Perhaps the true incarnation of yourself will be too much for some people and that’s ok also. Our job in this life is not to fit in as well as possible. All of the people that you admire are held in that esteem because they do not fit in. They stand out! Embrace who you are because until you do, no one else has the opportunity to do so.

My name is Pete!

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Blogpost, self-reliance

It Won’t Always Be Pretty

Pete Huryk

This is by far one of my favorite photos of all time! I’m fairly certain that I didn’t love the moment but I love the memory. My daughter was sitting on my chest and bam! Spit up on the nose, maybe up the nose and definitely a bit in the mouth. Luckily the camera crew got a quick shot of it. There’s nothing to do but laugh! She didn’t mean to do it and she was so darn cute, how could I be mad?

It’s not always going to be so simple to find the beauty in life’s “ugly” moments. We’d all (in theory) love to have everything come up roses but it rarely does. Also there is a bit of extra spice that comes with things that go wrong. Since 1998, when I attended the World Cup, my most commonly told stories are about the loss of a passport, filing a police report and getting pushed by a riot cop. I rarely talk about the games and I was watching my favorite sport with my best friend. Our desire for everything to go well and be easy is both unrealistic and inconsistent with our ability to find the good in bad situations.

So if you’re going through one of those moments when you have the “vomit” of life all over your face, rejoice in the fact that you’ve most likely got a good story for the future. Also it is good context for when things are going well. You’ll appreciate them that much more!

“Anything I’ve ever said is not as good as you”

Pete

Blogpost, posh, SoccerLifeBalance

The Half Frozen Pond (and POSH)

Pete Huryk

The fully frozen pond is a slick but relatively safe walking space. It can be used for all manner of frivolity including ice skating, hockey, ice fishing or even Curling. The completely unfrozen pond offers an equal measure of possibility with swimming, boating, fishing, diving or just floating. The dangerous pond is the half frozen pond. It offers nothing but uncertainty. At any moment, the surface can crack and leave you in a scramble for survival with hypothermia and drowning both being real possibilities. It is the one to fear and avoid.

The same can be said for commitment to a team. Fully committed players make a good team into a great one because they are not just in it for themselves. The completely uncommitted players are often put on the bench or removed from the team. Just like the ice, the half-committed players are the ones that are dangerous because it’s hard to tell when they’ll crack under the pressure. While players are the easiest to identify with this metaphor, it works equally for fans, management, ownership, etc. Commitment is not just for one group of people to rectify. It is something for all of the different groups who are attached to the club to consider and contribute their part.

This season has been a disappointment to say the least. The POSH looked promising at times early in the season, even without a recognized striker. As time wore on, the pond began to melt and became unstable. The manager was the one who fell through as he was given the cold shoulder by several of the players. Now Grant McCann has been given the task of mending the cracks. With twelve matches remaining and the POSH eight points (plus goal difference) adrift; the team, fans, management, and ownership need to be solid for that time. This is not a task for one or even a handful to complete. At best that is more of the half frozen status quo that has brought us to this point. Everyone who steps onto the pitch, all of the fans in the stands and the ones at home need to solidify in their commitment to the one and only objective: staying in the Championship! The opportunity is not gone. It is only difficult.

My hope is that Peterborough has a cold spring, not literally, you get the metaphor! Rock solid!

Pete

Blogpost, posh

POSH, We Have a Problem And…

Pete Huryk

It’s the end of an era and I am extremely sad. Each fan is allowed their opinion and this is just mine. This is not just a manager leaving. It is a crossroads for the club that so many of us adore. Although Darren Ferguson was one of many managers over the past two decades, he personifies what the ethos of the club has become. His brand of attacking football that regularly had the POSH near the top of the list for goals scored has become an expectation at the club. Therefore this is truly a monumental problem that the club must face. Bringing in any manager to “right the ship” will not maintain that ethos set during Ferguson’s tenure. Survival, no doubt is the aim but the long term health of the club will depend largely upon the way that things are done moving forward. I have an answer and almost no one is going to like it.

In order to keep the club from getting relegated and maintain a semblance of the club’s forward thinking style with the players that we have will take a particular type of person. Someone with a pedigree that will gain instant respect from the players but a willingness to take on a challenge of these proportions. In addition to these attributes comes the need for someone who recognizes the importance of giving opportunities to young players. Although I’m sure this will be written off as pure Americanism, my belief is that Jesse Marsch would be the best candidate that we could hope to get.

While I’m sure that most POSH fans have not studied Jesse’s career, I’ve gotten to see it develop over the past decade. His progression from my standpoint started at New York Red Bull. At that club, he helped to do a top to bottom overhaul of the club’s persona. The messaging that was used inside and outside of the locker room was consistent with the play on the field. His style of play was a combination of pressing with insurgent attacking that would be akin to what POSH fans would expect. He regularly brought players from the youth academy through to the first team. Several players, including Tyler Adams, were given their big break under Jesse Marsch. Although he could have continued to seek success in MLS, he chose to progress his career by moving to Germany as second in command at RB Leipzig. That opportunity was merely a waiting room for him to move to Red Bull Salzburg where he was very successful developing young talent while winning games along the way. This halftime speech may be mostly in German but the results that he was able to get from his players against Liverpool in the Champion’s League is exactly what we need. Based upon his success in Salzburg, he was given the reins at RB Leipzig. He was unable to find the same winning ways but that is probably the only thing that could give our club a chance at getting him. His last position could be viewed as a failure but having listened to Jesse speak many times, he will have used it as a learning experience. With something to prove and his Red Bull connection possibly severed, the opportunity to build up a small club in the Championship might be the exact type of challenge he wants.

My desire would have been that Darren Ferguson would have stayed. This season is not representative of what he is nor what he has meant to the club. His fate was possibly sealed when we did not sell JCH in the summer. His stock was at its highest and will not go that high again. Selling him for a few million to someone else would have funded many of the pieces that we needed to survive. Unfortunately the past is gone and Darren Ferguson is no longer the POSH manager. A fourth time around is not coming, so it is farewell and I wish nothing but the best for the “gaffer”!

Blogpost, posh, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

My Own Shame in the Beautiful Game

Pete Huryk

Over the years, I’ve claimed that I’m not “obsessed” with Peterborough United. Like so many _____aholics, I’m in at least partial denial about my addiction. Since our form has been poor for much of the season and goals have been lacking, I find myself desiring a bit of help from the football gods. When one of our players streaks forward, I find myself shouting “get in the box” to people on a computer screen who can’t hear me from across the ocean. Perhaps someone out there can relate. It’s not that I want my team to dive in order to get the penalty. I just know that the opportunity is there for an “easy road” to a goal. Torn by the desire for a score but not wanting the dive either.

The easy road mentality is one that we all adopt in different amounts. Lottery ticket buyers, crash diet enthusiasts and overnight success seekers are just the extreme versions of a person that we’ve all been in small or large quantities. We’ve all wanted the big reward for the least amount of effort before. There is nothing particularly wrong with it. It’s a natural inclination but it just cannot become an overarching strategy. The person or team that is relying on something for almost nothing will find that cash cow dead sooner rather than later.

Since I know that this type of thinking is not a long term strategy, my belief is that my team will start finding the net from open play regularly. When those lucky breaks come, I won’t lament them but I know that we cannot rely on them. The plan needs to be more than hope in this world. Hope is not a strategy! Even as a feeling, it seems a little flimsy to me. Hope feels almost desperate and passive. Belief is much more positive and proactive. Despite the positive connotations though, belief is not enough.

Once you believe, you need to act. Take the feedback that the world gives you and adjust. There is not one way to break down an opposing team or get to a personal goal. Literally thousands or even millions are possible but you need to find one. Once you find success, you can build upon it. Here in lies the problem of relying on the penalty. It requires other people’s input that is less than reliable. So believe in yourself enough to create your own results. The “easy road” is there but it doesn’t make you better. It makes you dependent.

Go for the goal with intention!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

MAN City: A Need for Change and Reflection

Pete Huryk

My distaste for Man City, the club, has been stated before but that’s not really what this is about. The second season of Ted Lasso had a great episode that did a masterful job of slaloming through stereotypes of male behavior and some of their antitheses. My love for this show is well documented but this is one time where the message hits a little deeper than the positivity that Ted disperses so willingly. Men are shown being the worst versions of ourselves while other moments are almost aspirational about what we could be. If you’ve not watched the series or the episode, there are spoilers below, so hop to it before you read farther or just deal.

Ted and his staff being vulnerable before a match.

Although Ted is the namesake of the show, several characters step up in this emotional episode. Jamie Tartt’s strained relationship with his father is one of the main storylines. Jamie’s need for a positive father figure was set up in the first season and put on full display in this episode. Although his father is an extreme version of a stereotype, he conjures the feelings that many of us men have had. The desire to make our father proud while also seeing their faults as we grow older. It is never as simple as a TV show must make a situation but all of the markers are there. The dynamic between fathers and sons is often strained due to the desire for independence and the inherent factor of emulation. Through the influence of Ted and Tartt’s own experience, Jamie sees his father’s negatives and begins to move in a different direction. Eventually he literally fights against his father’s way. At that moment, he is distraught, feeling the weight of what has just happened. Roy Kent, who usually puts forth a caveman-like persona, shows empathy and understanding by hugging his former rival. It’s a scene that jumps right out of a Brené Brown Ted Talk. Vulnerability is a superpower that men do not always employ.

Following along the vulnerability track, Ted opens up to his staff about the fact that a panic attack and not food poisoning had him running for the locker room in the Tottenham match. Each man in the group admits to something that he’s been holding back for some time. Ted’s vulnerability is seen as an opportunity by Nate who uses what he’s learned to expose and undercut Ted. This is the fear that most men have about vulnerability. It leaves us open to enemies, detractors and the like. The problem with this fear is that it is completely accurate. People can take advantage of a situation and many do. It’s a short term game but it works to their advantage enough to make it enticing. There is a balance to be struck here. Putting on the facade of invulnerability is an overall losing strategy. However, being vulnerable with everyone has its own perils that should definitely be avoided. It’s more art than science, like so many things.

Although Nate hasn’t fully shown his true colors in this episode, we get glimpses of the fact that he is employing a “fingers before thumbs” mentality which is the exact opposite of what I suggest regularly. Nate wants to blame others for anything and everything. He claims that he wants to be in charge. However, he lacks the mental fortitude to accept criticism when things go poorly despite wanting praise when they go well. His newly found power and fame make him into a bully who regularly victimizes people that he views as weaker. The willingness to see one’s own faults is a strength that needs to be developed over time. A mirror can be a powerful tool provided that it is not turned into a weapon used to self-flagellate. Another art of manhood is knowing when to point the thumb at one’s self before resorting to the finger. It’s more than likely that it will be employed incorrectly at times but my preference is always to find my faults before I start looking for others’.

Despite my dislike for Man City, the club, I am very happy with Man City, the episode. It brings to the forefront a discussion of modern roles of masculinity. By no means does it develop a definitive set of directives. However, it does juxtapose antiquated stereotypes with newer ideals. Being a man in a modern world can be a bit confusing. The messaging that is thrown at us from the past, present and future can sound like white noise. In the end, we need to see our responsibility to ourselves and those around us.

“Butts on three!”

Pete