Tag: Self-Control

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The Fog Barrier

Pete Huryk

FoggyThe future is out there and you’re going to arrive at it whether you’re ready or not.  The problem is that the future is unclear like on a really foggy morning.  The haze itself is nothing to fear.  It will dissipate as you get closer.  It’s possible to move at full speed in territory that is known and clear.  On new and uncertain paths, it’s important to manage your speed with your field of vision.  Going too fast on a new road could end in a crash.  The thing is that most people are not afraid of the ditch, pothole or even the wall.  They’re afraid of the uncertainty that the fog brings.

The fog is the barrier that they can’t get past because it is SO frightening not to know.  Fear is the fog and avoiding it shrinks the world down to almost nothing.  The only way to get the fog to disappear is to go into it.  It doesn’t disperse with time, compliments from friends or likes social media.  Motion/action is what is needed to break through the fog barrier.  By all means, manage your speed and watch out for potholes but never let the fog stop you in your tracks.  It’s not a wall!  Unless you make it one.

Move on through today!

Pete

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Transparencies

Pete Huryk

transparencyAt one point in my educational career, transparencies were the height of technology.  By today’s standards they are obsolete but at the time they were extremely helpful.  The ability to manipulate and project for a group to see was used daily.  My most vivid memories of them were from history class.  A territory could be shown with a variety of borders and other influencers.  Depending on the transparency that was placed onto the territory, a force like the Roman Empire could be all encompassing or completely inconsequential.  The territory was always the same but the translucent lines of borders and boundaries changed.  Even though the transparency projectors have all but disappeared, the influence of invisible and imaginary lines has not.

They are truly all around us, the transparent lines that often direct our lives.  The boundary lines, goal lines, bottom lines, traffic lines and party lines are subtly informing our every day experience.  So many different ways that we can choose to box ourselves in or direct our movement by using these lines.  The issue comes when the lines become walls that imprison.

Many of us have constructs that we have developed or have been developed for us.  Some are almost invisible until we look for them.  For example you are reading this blog in English.  If it is your first language, it changes the way that you look at the world compared to other languages.  A simple sentence like “I dropped the plate.” illustrates the point.  There is an underlying sense of responsibility attached to action because of the subject “I”.  Conversely the Spanish representation of the situation, “Se me cayó el plato.” literally translates to “The plate fell from me.”   For better or worse, the influence of simple things such as this can monumental and often taken for granted.  So the first step is to recognize as many of the lines that are influencing you as you can.  Then decide what makes sense.

When you peel back the layers of transparencies from your life, you will most likely find things that you’ve taken for granted that just don’t make sense.  Driving on the right side of the road may be a useful constraint to keep.  However there are probably others that can be amended or dropped in order to better service you in the pursuit of what you want today.  Perhaps you’ve always believed that you’re not smart, that planning isn’t important, that sex is REALLY important, that you need to make it on your own or a million other things.  Maybe you’ll keep most of your beliefs but it is worth the examination to see if you’ve painted yourself into a corner with beliefs that don’t make sense anymore.  If you want to be a millionaire but think that making minimum wage is the best you can do, you’ve got a problem.  Do the lines that you’ve painted for yourself point you in the direction that you want to be going?

img_1844Physically, mentally and emotionally; what do you believe about yourself, people and the world?  Write it down in your notebook, iPhone, laptop or anything else that works for you.  Then pick through it to see what you’re keeping, tweaking or tossing.  It’s up to you to clean up whatever mess you might have.  If you’re honest in your assessment, you’ll be able to see through the person that you need to read better than anyone else: yourself.

Go get your hands dirty boys and girls!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Chewing Tobacco Solution

Pete Huryk

tobaccoMy cousin who is fifteen years older than me used to go on vacations with my family each summer.  At the time, I was a teenager and he was in his early thirties with a very successful career in retail.  Despite my seemingly inferior station in life, I was able to change his life for the positive with little more than a few words.  I’m hoping that the process can give some hints about making big changes in your life.

It was completely unintentional but it sticks out in my memory as if it were scripted out.  My cousin was and is pretty fanatical about health and fitness.  He would run everyday, do push-ups and sit-ups in order to maintain his chiseled physique.  Despite this relentless pursuit of fitness, he had a habit that seemed out of place to me.  He used chewing tobacco daily.  It wasn’t anything that particularly bothered me.  I had friends who used it.  The thing that felt out of place was that it seemed contrary to all that he valued.  So as we were driving home from North Carolina and he got his spit bottle ready for his next lip full of tobacco, I made the simple statement.  “It seems odd to me that you do that.  You are so healthy in all other parts of your life but you do something that you know is horrible for you.  I just don’t understand.”  That was all that it took.  He didn’t tell me until much later that he had quit using tobacco and that was the reason.

Many of our decisions break down to the story that we tell ourselves about ourselves.  It could be true or it could be bullshit.  The main thing is that the story is effective at moving life forward in a positive manner.  The reason why my simple statement was able to change my cousin so quickly was that it showed an inconsistency in his story about himself.  In that situation, I knew his story about himself and showed him how the tobacco didn’t fit.  People want to stay consistent with the image that they have of themselves.  That’s the entire reason why the term “midlife crisis” exists.  Men (usually) make poor decisions in order to maintain an image that they have of themselves as young, cool, etc.

The first step to changing a behavior in yourself or someone else is to know the person’s story.  What is an identity that they want to uphold at all costs?  Is their family the center of their world?  Do they think of themselves as an athlete?  Do they think of themselves as successful?  Once you know the story, take that thing that needs changing and flip it against their story about themselves.  I keep saying they but I really want you to do this to yourself.  So if your family is extremely important but you are obese, then you actually don’t care about them very much.  If you truly cared, you’d do your best to guarantee that you’ll be around for them.  The combinations of stories and behaviors is infinite.

The key is to find the one that works.  Results are what we are after, not an excuse to feel bad about one’s self.  Your mind can play tricks on you.  It is time for you to play tricks on it to help you get where you want to go.  The possibilities of your tomorrow need to be forged in the thoughts that you have today.

Tell yourself a better story about you!

Pete

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Life of Unopened “Cans”

Pete Huryk

cansIn my parents’ cupboard when I was a kid, there were canned products that we used all the time.  Chicken noodle soup, tomato paste and green beans were in heavy rotation toward the front door.  They would come in, go out and be replaced by their can cousin at the next shopping trip.  Toward the back of the cupboard were the ancient staples like the can of cream of mushroom from 1985 or its even stranger companion, evaporated milk (no idea what that is).  These cans were born with purpose and hope.  However their lives never reached fulfillment because they were forgotten after they were crossed off of the grocery list and standing by for “someday”.  Having the can in the cupboard was enough.  We never actually had to do anything with it.

As I edge ever closer to 40 years old, I look at my unopened “cans” and I am awestruck by what I’ve left behind.  I’m no longer talking about tin and aluminum but rather the things that I left undone because I know that I can, so I don’t have to.

  • I can lose 15 lbs, so I don’t have to.
  • I can run that 10 mile race in 1:15:00 or less, so I don’t have to.
  • I can reach out to great friends and family at any time, so I don’t have to.
  • I can be a great husband, so I don’t have to be all the time.
  • I can go to the gym daily and get into great shape, so I don’t have to.
  • I can make something better of myself, so I don’t have to.

The knowledge that “I can” has kept me from doing so many things that I know that I should.  The problem with most of these cans is that I know that I can because I’ve done them before.  If these unopened cans were put into regular use, my life would be exponentially better.  Perhaps it’s time to open some of these cans and see, not what’s inside of them but what’s inside of me.  (Note: not everything that you can do falls into the “SHOULD” category.  Some cans are better left on the shelf.)

Is your cupboard full of dusty cans?  Did I just open up a “can of worms”?  Or do you now feel the need to open a “can of whoopass” on yourself and your life?  As you find the courage to do the things that you know that you can, you’ll also see the possibility of doing some things that you thought you could not!

You can!

Pete

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The Dead Black Cat?

Pete Huryk

blackcatThis morning on my daily run, I saw something on the sidewalk in front of me in the darkness.  I had assumed that it was a garbage can lid or something of that sort.  When I got close enough to make out what it was, I realize that it was a dead black cat.  It was not what I was expecting but I veered to the right and continued past the feline that had met its demise under a car tire.  As I finished my run, I gave some thought to what a “luckologist” might have to say about my experience.

From one point of view, the cat was not able to cross my path.  So my fate should be clean and clear.  On the other hand, black cats are supposed to carry all sorts of bad omens.  So having a dead one show up in your path could not be good.  Before writing this I did a cursory search of the interwebs and found nothing concrete about dead black cats.

So here I am at the end of my day that basically started with dead black cat.  It was a pretty good day overall.  Although it was busy and filled with lots of “to do” list items rather than “want to do” items, I really cannot complain.  My day was not a product of the luck of the draw.  I was the major factor in the fortune or misfortune that I experienced.  Life is not a set of circumstances to avoid or omens to look for.  It is a string of possibilities that we choose to act upon or let pass.

The greatest predictor of your destiny is not how many mirrors you’ve broken or four leaf clovers that you’ve found.  It is the actions that you take.  The words that you say to a loved one when they need it most.  It’s the helping hand that you give to someone that you barely know.  Choosing to stand up when all you want to do is run away.  These are the decisions and actions that decide your “luck”.  Your good fortune is not something mystical that you have to fear.  Your good fortune comes from a life of good action and recognition that you were “lucky” to be alive today, no matter how it went.

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The Fog and The Fear

Pete Huryk

DelawareMemSunday morning I drove from Maryland to a soccer tournament in South Jersey.  I crossed the Delaware Memorial Bridge at about 7:30 am.  This is not a major problem but I have a fear of heights.  When I cross high bridges, I usually get a tingling sensation in my legs.  It is a physical reaction to my mental picture of the bridge coincidentally collapsing as my car crosses it.  This fear is not debilitating, just a sensation that I have to move past.   There was a heavy fog that morning and I could not see any indication of height.  Strangely enough there was no tingling in my legs despite knowing that the height was there.  This was extremely odd because the tingling has been consistent for years.

Fog is nothing more than a dense accumulation of water molecules that clouds our vision slightly.  The fog allowed my vision to focus on the road ahead and nothing else.  It’s such as simple thing but it is profound as well.  The thing that we fear is very rarely staring us right in the face.  It is usually on the periphery and we allow it to distract us just enough to cause accidents or immobilize us.  The fog didn’t take away the possibility of danger, it only blurred my acknowledgement of it.  As you set a goal, fog your fear as well.

Make your goal ever-present.  Put it in front of you in pictures, words and emotions.  Print it out in 72 pt font.  Ingrain its presence into your consciousness like a hot rivet being driven into a steel beam.  Then take your fears and put them out there in the fog.  If you’re a picture person, put the photo of your fear behind wax paper.  Print it in 4 pt font, so that by comparison that fear is extremely small.  It is acknowledged but not as big as the goal.    Fear is almost never completely extinguished.  The key is to make it an ember rather than a bonfire.  Embers are easy to ignore.  Fog your fear and focus on your goal.

Go for that big thing today, tomorrow and the next day!

Pete

 

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The Pepsi Challenge

Pete Huryk

pepsiLast century (specifically in the 1980s) Pepsi had commercials and other advertising with the “Pepsi Challenge”.  An “unbiased” consumer was asked to try two different colas and give their preference.  Of course the on-camera participants always chose Pepsi.  Perhaps it was what they truly liked or the entire thing was rigged in some way.  In all honesty it doesn’t matter that much to me because I preferred Pepsi to Coke without the seeing choices of others.  It does make for an interesting discussion on why we choose the things that we do.

In a given day, you have literally thousands and possibly millions of choices to make.  Some of these choices are simple and probably automatic.  For example “Am I going to wear clothes today?”  No matter whether the answer is yes or no, it is an easy choice based on your daily life.  Other choices are much more complex and require major deliberation.  Choosing to go to college or the military is life-altering and for many would demand some time and attention.  In the middle of the automatic and grandiose decisions are many moment to moment choices that need to be made by you.  There are many people who treat these mid-level choices as though they were huge.  Others put all of their choices on automatic pilot letting others decide for them.  The worst scenario is that people forget that they are choosing at all.

In each moment, you have choices and some of the most important are about how you are going to feel.  Believe it or not, it is a choice.  If you are feeling sad, it is a choice.  Perhaps there are very good reasons for you to choose that but it is your choice.  By taking the physical state of your body, your mental focus of the moment and your inner dialogue, you determined the feeling that you were going to produce.

So now I put a new “Pepsi Challenge” on to you.  Let’s call it the “Huryk Challenge”.  Can you choose to feel good in all circumstances today?  No matter what life throws at you, can you CHOOSE to feel good.  You do not need to like the circumstances but you choose your feeling despite the poor situation.  I challenge you.

Choose to have a great day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Levantarse

Pete Huryk

levitateAs a speaker of Spanish and English, I get a good perspective on the differences between the two languages.  One of the most confusing differences for English speakers is reflexive verbs.  In Spanish, you wake yourself up, wash yourself and brush yourself your teeth.  There are many actions that Spanish specifically tells you that you do to yourself.  For example, the verb levantar means “to lift” but levantarse means “to lift one’s self or get up”.  This simple difference in the way that an idea is expressed can change our perception of self.

Our language sometimes limits our thought process because we often think in words.  The idea that we lift ourselves up is not a difficult one to understand.  However it is one that we may take for granted.  We’re too busy getting up every morning to remember who is lifting us up and why.  Even though we are always lifting ourselves up, we may feel forced to do it.

There is power in choice.  Deciding on the reasons why you are getting up in the morning gives you the power to live with purpose.  It is much easier to slog through difficult times when there is something waiting for us at the end.  If all you see is the slog, then life is the slog.  So even though the day has already begun, it’s not too late to decide what today is about for you.  Why did you get up this morning?  If you don’t like the answer that you give then re-ask the question with a broader scope of possibility.

Make it a great day.

Pete

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Smart TVs

Pete Huryk

At this point there is large portion of people who own a “smartphone”. Other smart items exist or are being developed.  I own a TV that says it’s “smart” but I’d like for you to imagine a specific type of smart TV.  What if your TV learned your viewing habits and changed the channels for you at different times of the day?  At 6 pm Seinfeld would come onto your screen because that was the show that your TV learned that you watch at 6 pm.  Your viewing schedule might look like this:

TV Schedule

 

At this point you realize that your TV life is now automatic.  This might be a great thing.  Automation can make things much more simple and less stressful.  The problem arises when the TV dictates a schedule that you no longer want.  Obviously when it is TV programs, it is easy to see that if you no longer like Seinfeld or the particular episode that you can change the channel.  The problem is when it is something inside of us, we have greater trouble “changing channels”.

Are your emotions on auto-pilot?  Does school or work put you into a stressed state?  Do you live your daily life with emotions that you want on the screen or are you a victim of your own “programming”?

Human beings are not immune to automation.  We have so many things to think about that our mind automates many things.  This can be a great thing but it can also be terrible if we are not deliberate about our automation.  Fear, jealousy, envy, anger and depression may be programs that have been automated into your system.  Do you want them there?  Or would you prefer to replace them with joy, hope, love and pride?  It is not as easy as changing the channel but it is way more important.

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Chase

Pete Huryk

The bed and the couch never try to escape. There is never a shortage of food that tastes good but is horrible for you. The distractions and setbacks are all around us. Yet we act as if these were the things that were fleeting or important.   When in fact it is the opposite.

Time is fleeting and opportunity is always on the run. Catching up to our dreams takes consistent pace that often looks like a sprint. The life that we want will run until we wear it out and find it resting from exhaustion.  Are you ready to chase what you want?  Or are you looking for an excuse to rest?  One is easy to find and will always be there.  Is that for you?

Make today happen.

Pete