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Sit Down and Shut Up

SitdownSometimes it is directly said and sometimes it is an expectation.  Much of our education system has been working with this paradigm for decades.  The idea is that sitting down and being quiet leads to better grades, more retention, better students and better employees.  In all honesty, I don’t truly have a problem with the idea of sitting down and shutting up provided that there is also an opportunity to stand up and make a ruckus.  This opportunity to SUMR used to happen outside of school but most activities are now adult driven.   In a recent interview, I was asked “why do you think teens are so stressed today?”  The answer to the question is relatively simple but the resolution is much more complex.

The simple answer is expectation.  The modern teenager has been thrust into a world of paradoxical expectation.  For years on end, kids today are taught that the secret to survival is to sit down, shut up and follow directions.  Those who learn these lessons are lauded for a few years until they reach a point where they need to make their own decisions.  At that point, they are expected to know how to use their judgement but that faculty has never been exercised and is therefore weak.  Those who rebel against the SDSUFD model are labeled as troublemakers and given fewer opportunities for advancement.  They see that the system doesn’t like them and they don’t care for the system either.  Systems are only valuable as long as they work.  SDSUFD only partially works and needs to be adjusted.

Humans were built for action.  We were meant to fly!  Unfortunately the mixture of old systems and new circumstances have clipped our wings or made us believe that we have none.  We’ve been made to believe that we are supposed to wait for someone else to tell us what to do.  That we are supposed to be more robotic, more efficient and less emotional.  This is completely contrary to everything that human beings are.  We are animals that are most efficient when our emotions are in line with our objectives.

So what does this mean for each of us?

If you are a teenager, you need to balance your daily SDSUFD with SUMR.  You need to have an outlet, either mental, physical and/or emotional that you choose.  Begin the process of getting your hands onto the steering wheel of your life.  You’re most likely not ready to have full control of your life yet but you should not be in the backseat either.

If you’re in your twenties or older, take a hard look at your life and decide how much of your life belongs to you.  This is not a call to buck all authority or burn every bridge in your life.  It is a call to more action for your own betterment.  Sometimes that action will be that you need to “sit down, shut up and listen”.  Then you need to stand up and act on what you’ve heard.  Step forward and take your role as the star of your own TV show.  If you are playing a secondary role in someone else’s show, then you need to rewrite the script.

Take today as if it belonged to you because truly it does.

Pete

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Your Investment Portfolio

DisneyHanging on the wall in my son’s room is a stock certificate for one share of Disney stock.  It was a gift at his birth from his Uncle Peter and Aunt Paula.  More than anything it is decorative.  At the time of its purchase, Disney stock was worth about $35.  With the acquisition and release of Star Wars, it is now worth about $114.  So in theory my son’s stock portfolio has performed very well.  It is worth over 300% of its original value.  The growth is outstanding but it’s not enough shares to create truly meaningful value.  The stock was a gift, never truly meant to turn my son into an investor.

However the truth is that we are ALL investors!  Stocks are a financial investment.  That is the type of investment that most people think about when they hear the word.  The truth is that we can invest in many types of currency.  Right now you’re investing several of your most precious currencies on this blog post: time, attention and possibly trust.  Many people don’t get involved in monetary investing because the markets are too unpredictable.  There is the risk of major losses at stake.  It is impossible to lose money, if you don’t put any in.  People are usually conscious of how they invest their money.  Often they are not as conscious about how they invest their other resources.

Time, attention, trust, love, respect and many others are all currencies that should be invested with more intelligence than money.  Money is a renewable resource while time is not.  If you lose twenty dollars, you can always make up for that loss.  The lost twenty minutes is gone forever with no hope of replacement.  Since money is tangible we give it extra reverence but these other currencies are as or more important.  So perhaps it is time to look at your investment portfolio and decide if it is balanced.  Have you put yourself into a position to be swimming in the assets that you have accrued through careful planning?  Or will you feel bankrupt in the end because you squandered the resources that you had?  You are an amazing human being who is destined to do great things if you’ll use your resources wisely!

Invest wisely today!

Pete

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Life of Unopened “Cans”

cansIn my parents’ cupboard when I was a kid, there were canned products that we used all the time.  Chicken noodle soup, tomato paste and green beans were in heavy rotation toward the front door.  They would come in, go out and be replaced by their can cousin at the next shopping trip.  Toward the back of the cupboard were the ancient staples like the can of cream of mushroom from 1985 or its even stranger companion, evaporated milk (no idea what that is).  These cans were born with purpose and hope.  However their lives never reached fulfillment because they were forgotten after they were crossed off of the grocery list and standing by for “someday”.  Having the can in the cupboard was enough.  We never actually had to do anything with it.

As I edge ever closer to 40 years old, I look at my unopened “cans” and I am awestruck by what I’ve left behind.  I’m no longer talking about tin and aluminum but rather the things that I left undone because I know that I can, so I don’t have to.

  • I can lose 15 lbs, so I don’t have to.
  • I can run that 10 mile race in 1:15:00 or less, so I don’t have to.
  • I can reach out to great friends and family at any time, so I don’t have to.
  • I can be a great husband, so I don’t have to be all the time.
  • I can go to the gym daily and get into great shape, so I don’t have to.
  • I can make something better of myself, so I don’t have to.

The knowledge that “I can” has kept me from doing so many things that I know that I should.  The problem with most of these cans is that I know that I can because I’ve done them before.  If these unopened cans were put into regular use, my life would be exponentially better.  Perhaps it’s time to open some of these cans and see, not what’s inside of them but what’s inside of me.  (Note: not everything that you can do falls into the “SHOULD” category.  Some cans are better left on the shelf.)

Is your cupboard full of dusty cans?  Did I just open up a “can of worms”?  Or do you now feel the need to open a “can of whoopass” on yourself and your life?  As you find the courage to do the things that you know that you can, you’ll also see the possibility of doing some things that you thought you could not!

You can!

Pete

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The Most Best on the Earth World!

MostBestAt one point in history, I’m sure that superlatives meant something.  I surely felt like they did during my childhood.  Michael Jordan was definitely the best player in the NBA.  You didn’t need to shout it louder to make your point.  It could be said softly with a calm assurance that it was accurate.  As the internet has given a voice to every two thumbed animal with a high speed connection, superlative seems to be a game for people who want to yell the loudest.

Since everyone can be heard, the time to say nothing may be here.  Perhaps in the era of communication overload, it is the individual who does and says nothing that will truly stand out.  Rather than doubling down on superlatives and expletives, it might be time to be more subtle.

Today when you go out into the world, do the simple and subtle.  Smile a little more.  Be a little more patient.  Be forgiving to yourself.  Home-runs can win games but so can singles.  If we’re always swinging hard for the fences, we may strikeout on underhand pitches because we’re too jacked up.

Blogpost, self-reliance

Fewer Selfies, More Mirrors

MirrorAt the present moment, the “selfie” has become so common place that it is almost a requirement at any social function involving young people.  It is the photographic representation that “I was there”.  Although showing up is an important part of the equation, it has inexplicably become a standard of achievement rather than the bare minimum.  The problem with the selfie is that anyone can fake it for a fraction of a second.  There needs to be more to life than a collection of rehearsed faces and hand gestures.  We need to look in mirrors rather than practicing our poses.

The beauty of the mirror is that it does not lie.  Stand in front of a mirror for long enough and you’ll realize that your best friend and worst enemy are staring back at you.  In this duplicity you’ll find everything that you could possibly need to achieve your every desire.  You’ll also find most of the road blocks that will stand in your way.   The mirror is going to tell it like it is.  It won’t accept fake poses for very long.  Fat, skinny, ugly, pretty, average or anything else are all there for you to deal with.  As you begin to look at who you truly are in the mirror, you’ll recognize that showing up is not enough.  Faking it for an instant is not enough.  The world expects more!  Now you can either hide behind the mask of poses or accept the challenge to carry the mirror with you.

The mirror may reside in your head or in your heart but it can be with you always.  As you go through your day, you can look to see if you are being true to yourself.  Your best self!  Throughout the day checking to see if you’re going in the right direction to those places that you desire to go.  As you get closer, you’ll notice that the reflection in the mirror gets better and it’s easier to look.  When you finally reach your goal, I suppose you could take a selfie….  But the picture you have inside of who you’ve become is so much better.  So for today, don’t just show up!  Wake up, stand up and look in the mirror.  Then keep working until you’re ecstatic with what you see!

I see you!

Pete

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How Does a Scorpion Scratch Its Belly?

scorpionSometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the varied tools that we have at our disposal.  We become “one trick ponies” by choice rather than design.  Losing sight of more subtle talents can happen to anyone who has found success with their preferred tool.  When in possession of a great hammer, seeing everything as a nail comes almost naturally.  The problem lies in the fact that all tools are not constructive and some tools kill better than they build.

The scorpion question is rather absurd.  I doubt very heavily that scorpions are capable of itching.  Even if they were, using their stinger to do it would be both uncomfortable and possibly fatal.  With six legs in the vicinity, the scorpion would have to be pretty self-destructive to choose his stinger as his belly scratcher.  The unfortunate truth is that many of us do this anyway.  The lawyer who cross-examines his wife and children.  The athlete who tries to use his might in order to make right in his world.  The teacher who hopes that special someone will learn how to love them through their example.

We are all scorpions with legs and stingers.  The intelligent scorpion knows there’s a time to use each.  A less intelligent scorpion only uses its stinger because it is his best tool.  When you are scratching an itch, be sure that it does not become deadly because you don’t know how to choose the right tool.

Choose wisely!

Pete

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Delicious Poison Check Up

A week ago, I posed a challenge to give up two of your personal poisons.  Were you able to follow through?  Did you last an hour, a day, three days or the full week?  Regardless of the answer, what do you know about yourself now?

If you caved:

Did you do so because of a particular set of circumstances?

Did you fold to pressure from peers or family?

Did you do it unconsciously (without thinking)?

How did you react to your “failure”?

Did you rebound afterward?  Or did you succumb to more temptation because “eh, I already screwed up, why stop now?”

If you made it:

Can you keep it going?/Do you want to?

What positive effect did this subtraction have?

Was there any negative effect?

What other poison could you eliminate?

There are many ways to organize our world and one of those is Inputs and Outputs.  By making deliberate and conscious choices about the things, people and circumstances that we allow into our lives, we can lead ourselves to better outputs.  If we pay attention only to feeling good in the moment, then we are dopamine addicts who are slaves to every “shiny thing” that this world puts in front of us.  I’ve seen the maxim that “ignorance is bliss” hold in many situations.  So perhaps I am the foolish one for looking past the moment for something deeper.

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I’m Here For The Pizza

RookIt was my freshman year of high school.  I don’t recall why I was in the halls so late that day but there I was.  A friend from soccer saw me and asked me if I would play for the chess team in ten minutes.  One of their players was sick and they needed someone.  It was also the end of their season, so they were having a pizza party afterward.  My father had taught me enough about chess that I knew how the pieces moved and how to win/lose the game.  I agreed to play with the expectation being set that I was not very good.

My opponent didn’t know anything about my prior experience or lack thereof.  He was an intellectual type that gave thought to each of his moves and the meaning behind mine.  The truth was that my moves were haphazard at best and I was almost impatient with how long it took for him to beat me.  I was there for the pizza more than the chess.  In the end I did lose relatively quickly and easily because I put almost nothing into the game.

Over the years I’ve become a better chess player but I’m still nothing to write home about.  The reason why I bring up this memory is that it is representative of how many people go through life.  They are focused on specific things and take little notice of much else.  They give up on things that could be important if they just took time to notice.  Their focus on the least common denominator blinds them to the upper limits of what life has to offer.

This is probably not you.  You’re probably reaching for the heights of what you can be: physically, mentally and emotionally.  We can’t live at our best every single moment but to settle for the minimum offered seems absurd.  I’m not just here for the pizza anymore!

Go get it!  (whatever ‘it’ is for you)

Pete

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Hiding in Plain Sight

WaterTowerI’ll admit it openly that I have fallen off of the exercise wagon this summer.  Grandiose hopes of more time and fewer distractions turned into shut off alarms and Netflix watching.  Although there were spurts of activity, I have fallen short of my own standard for acceptability in both frequency and duration of exercise.  Today I began the climb out of that hole.

After completing my run and heading for the gym, I walked by this structure on the right.  I’m not really sure what it is.  It is on the site of an old fish hatchery.  So it might have held feed at one point or possibly it is a type of water tower.  Regardless of its function, I can pretty honestly say that I have never noticed it before.  Despite having many activities as a youth and an adult less than a hundred yards away, it was invisible to me.  If I had noticed it at a younger age, it might have been something that I would have climbed or pretended was a fort or bunker.  Now it is useless to me.

In many ways this experience mirrors that which happens to all of us at one point or another.  We discover things about ourselves which were in plain sight for most people to see.  However we become so accustomed to ourselves that we don’t notice.  We don’t notice that we can be confident, intelligent, funny or courageous until that trait is covered with rust and overgrowth.  It seems useless to us because it would take so much effort to change it, repair it and use it.  It is not too late.

The rust and neglect of the past cannot compare with the continuous action of now.  The picture that you have of yourself may be old and only representative of your past.  Much like when we look at our yearbooks, it is easy to see that we are no longer the same.  We are always evolving into new people.  That evolution can come about by chance or by choice.  So as you look at yourself today, find those things that are hiding in plain sight.  Find your passion, your strength, your courage and charisma.  It is waiting for you to pull away the leaves and polish off the rust.  The same old you is always available if that’s who you want to be.

Enjoy the weekend!

Pete

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Paranoid and the Self-Righteous

paranoid“Finished with my woman ’cause she couldn’t help me with my mind.  People think I’m insane ’cause I am frowning all the time.”  Those lines don’t even need the backing of guitars or drums to churn a feeling of very raw emotion in my stomach.  “Paranoid” by Ozzy Osbourne/Black Sabbath was the preferred soundtrack of my pre-high school years.  Despite its melancholy and borderline hopeless lyrics, it always seemed to be able to put me into a frenzy that required action of some kind.  My music selection at the time came as a surprise to many especially my middle school French teacher, Madame Gowie.

Although I’m not quite sure where my ability for languages came from, I was able to display talent even in middle school.  Nothing says “cool” in middle school better than being good in French class!  Unfortunately I was slightly unaware of what it took to be cool and became one of Madame Gowie’s favorites with the French name of “Pierre Paul” to boot.  The first time when I truly disappointed the good Madame was when I brought in a picture of someone famous for description.  My magazine picture of Ozzy Osbourne left her in a state of disgust.  Her thoughts about Mr. John Michael Osbourne were not positive in the slightest and it possibly changed her thoughts about me.  For my own part, I had a much stronger positive feeling toward Mr. Osbourne and the effect he had on my life.  So I took up the more normal disposition and disliked French class with my peers.

It was almost too easy for Madame Gowie and others to dislike Ozzy Osbourne.  He sang loud music that they disliked.  His song “Suicide Solution” had been under scrutiny in a court case where a family alleged that the song caused their son’s suicide.  He bit the heads off of bats and doves, what was there to like?

I’m not trying to portray Ozzy Osbourne as my hero by any stretch of the imagination.  My point is that for many people, his “evil” became a way for them to feel more righteous.  It is all too common of a practice today that we mask our own weakness and shortcoming by focusing on those who are worse than us.  If we are fat, we find the obese or our heavier past to feel good.  Do not look to the evil of others to find your righteousness.  You should be able to have a sense of pride in who you are and what you do without the disclaimer of comparing yourself to another.  It is a shell game that you can’t ever win.  “I can’t see the things that lead to happiness, I must be blind.”  There should be a level of autonomy to who you are and how you feel about yourself.  By comparing yourself to others too often, you are either inflating or deflating that which is unique and special about you.

“I tell you to enjoy life….” forget the rest.

Pete