Tag: relationships

Blogpost, self-reliance

That Shoe Has Sailed!

Pete Huryk

Two letters difference and a new idea is born! Why is the shoe sailing? What happened to the ship that we were expecting? Can shoes really sail? All of these questions and more spring out of a small misstep. Just a 12% change and the idea is turned completely on its head.

The reaction to this type of upheaval depends completely on your disposition. For some people, the introduction of the new and unexpected is cause for alarm. Those shoes and their sailing are a threat on every possible level. The status quo was intended to be kept and they’ll not abide those sailing shoes! While other people are open to the new and unique, the shoes bring possibility to a mundane concept. Those shoes are trailblazing and its about time.

Both ideas have validity and their own fan groups. It’s worth the introspection to figure out whether or not you’re a shoe sailor or not. That simple knowledge can give you insight into setting up your life. Squeezing all of the juice that you can out of the known is not a bad way to live, if that’s who you are. If you’re infatuated with the new, you probably shouldn’t wallpaper your house because it’s difficult to remove. And maybe you should rent anyway! Knowing thyself is an old idea that rings true even today. So look in that mirror because the shoe hasn’t sailed on you yet!

Hoist the sails!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

An Open Door Policy

Pete Huryk

One thing that can be easy to forget about an open door policy is that there is still a door. There are so many times that willingness to listen gets misconstrued as agreement. Information is a valuable currency and an open door policy invites it in. However, it is not a “no door policy.” The possibility still exists to close up shop at certain points to avoid negative outcomes.

We are a social species and we need each other in so many ways. However, doors exist because not everyone deserves to get inside or sometimes needs to be removed. Open door is just a predisposition, not a permanent state. Boundaries are healthy things to have. Being inviting and accepting can be counterbalanced by being discerning and observant.

For sure, let the door be open but don’t be afraid to close it when necessary. Access to you and your time should not be frivolously given because then they are not respected. You open the door because you care about others. You close it because you also need to care for yourself.

Shut the front door!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Ten Boots (Personal Value)

Pete Huryk

It’s hard to say how many people remember the band Dangerous Toys. Not exactly a one hit wonder because they had two songs that I remember as “hits” but they weren’t mega stars. One of the songs from their self-titled album was called “Ten Boots” that is an ode to the group’s cowboy boots. A mix of 80s rock and sentimentality over footwear, it’s not showing up on many people’s Spotify playlist these days. That I can assure you! However, it is a great example of personal value.

If you were born after 1990, this is the insert from a cassette. Prior to Spotify, Apple Music and even CDs this was a commonly found item!

There are so many things in this world that we hold sacred. That same item is something that another person would set on fire (like white cowboy boots). It’s not the value that the world puts on it that matters. Value is determined by the individual for a whole host of reasons. Unfortunately, in this interconnected world, we tend to look outward to find the value of something. Worth is based on what other people think…. F%#$ that! Put your own price tag or value onto that thing that you cherish. It doesn’t always need to be an interconnected world in which you live. Sometimes, you need to be willing to be on an island.

How much you value something is up to you. And more than anything, you need to value yourself because you’re the only thing that you truly have. Everyone and everything else is a passerby. Like the two hit wonder, Dangerous Toys, they will fade into memory. Value your journey through this world and hold tight to the things that you hold sacred because it’s all going away at some point. It would be a shame for someone else to convince you that your treasure is trash when they’ve not looked at it through your eyes! Gold is not the only thing that glitters! And you don’t need to be golden to shine!

Hi ho silver!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Believe!

Pete Huryk

Believe!

Believe that you can!

Believe that you will!

Believe that no one can stop you!

Believe that the obstacles in front of you can be overcome!

Believe that people are silently cheering you on!

Believe that you have all the resources in you!

Believe that it’s only a matter of time!

Believe it will be as good as you hope!

Believe in who you are!

Believe trying is worth it!

Believe in miracles!

Believe in you!

Believe!

Be!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Who Are You Talking To?

Pete Huryk

We live in a society where some things just aren’t ok. People obviously have different levels of tolerance for bad behavior but almost everyone has their threshold. Being around rude, degrading, insulting people is just not something that most will endure. Somehow, we turn a blind eye when talking to ourselves inside of our own head.

I can see why it might happen. No one can hear it and it’s you. So open up and let out! RIght? Cut loose! Lean into every single insecurity that you have. And then what? The one person that you need to live with for your entire life is beaten down. Seems like a losing strategy.

So remember who you’re talking to! It’s you! You’ve only got one you! You need to build you up! Not be delusional! Just keep it moving forward!

Talk it up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Don’t Talk About the Streak

Pete Huryk

When you’re on a streak, you’re not supposed to talk about the streak! Just like the first rule of Fight Club. From my perspective, it’s not the talking about the streak that needs to be avoided. It’s idea that the streak is something that’s out there rather than inside. Streaks are a collection of positive results that are based on appropriate action. If you want to attribute them to a deity or luck or your unwashed socks, go for it! But you’re taking your hands off the wheel at that point.

The idea is not to stay silent on the streak. It’s to keep talking about the process. How did you get here and can you keep doing those actions? At it’s core, that is what needs to be done but at the extreme, everything is given value. So superstition springs out of consistency. Don’t give the jinxes power. Just show up consistently and the results will take care of themselves.

What streak?

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Don’t Wanna!

Pete Huryk

That’s right! I’m ready to have a good old fashioned temper tantrum. Like a toddler who is exhausted but refuses to go to bed, I’m leaning into my own idiocy. It’s not my best state and in a very meta sense, I am watching myself from the outside. The question is, do I give in? Do I give into that base urge to emote rather than act?

Like so many of the problems that we all have, I know the answers but don’t particularly want to follow through on them. If all it took was knowing the right things to do, we’d all have six pack abs but we don’t because the knowledge isn’t enough. We also have to convince ourselves to do that which is necessary. And quite often as humans, we don’t wanna! As a functional human adult, I don’t get to stay in this state for long. I must snap myself out of it. The key to the change is decision. I need to decide to move forward.

That’s it! Nothing more from me tonight. Maybe you’re in the same position that I am. We could get together and have a pity party together but why don’t we just get going instead. Because at some point in the pity party, we’d both realize through the other person that we’re being quite ridiculous. Let’s get going!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Tension of Two: Hold Up the Bridge

Pete Huryk

A long-standing favorite movie of mine is “Singles” which features Pearl Jam and the Seattle music scene as a backdrop to convoluted number of love stories. At one point, two single guys, Steve and Bailey discuss their upcoming night out in search of companionship.

  • David Bailey : Tonight I’ll be the super me.
  • Steve Dunne : What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?
  • David Bailey : Then it’s no problem.
  • Steve Dunne : Uh-huh. Why?
  • David Bailey : Because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie, Steve.

While there is some logic behind Bailey’s strategy, it’s not without its holes. At a certain point, the real person has to come out and that could be awkward. If the facade is vastly different from the reality, no one ends up happy. However, I believe that Bailey probably didn’t really want to be fake. He simply wanted to plausible deniability inside of his own head or an imperviousness to rejection. Since it wasn’t really him, then it didn’t matter. This is where the tension of two becomes a crucial concept. The ability to hold two opposing ideas in one’s head at the same time.

Bailey needs to not care about someone rejecting him while simultaneously projecting an authentic version of himself. This may not be easy but also not impossible. It’s the way that many primitive bridges existed. The middle is held up by the tension created on each side. The tension of two allows people to traverse the world!

Holding two ideas in your head at once is a skill that needs to be developed. No doubt! There are times to have singular focus. But protecting your self-esteem while being vulnerable actually is necessary at times. Those dichotomies are difficult to reconcile but people who can have a distinct advantage. Being the super you, also needs to involve being authentic you!

Build that bridge!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Am Iron Man! But So Are You!

Pete Huryk

Long before the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there were comic books. I’m not sure what exactly made me start collecting Iron Man comics but I never wavered. For some reason, I thought that he was the best superhero. I can only retroactively express ideas that may or may not have contributed to my interest:

  • He was a “self-made” super hero. It wasn’t luck, radioactive spiders or divine intervention. Tony Stark built himself into Iron Man.
  • He was still very flawed. Self-serving, alcoholic, bitter, etc. He didn’t always do the right thing but was consistent enough as a “hero”.
  • He was extremely wealthy and did not need to do any of it.

The great thing about heroes is that they give us an example to follow. The convenient thing about superheroes is that their abilities are so far from reality that they let us off the hook! We can watch in awe as they do their thing but then go home and do nothing to strive for that level of heroism.

This is not a call for people to develop super suits in order to fight crime or some impending alien invasion. It is a recognition of the opportunity that we all have. Everyday, we walk out into the world with persona that we’ve developed. That is our “Iron Man suit.” There is an opportunity to improve its capabilities. Inside, there is still a flawed human that doesn’t always get it right but there is the possibility of progress. And finally, you don’t need to do any of this. Most people don’t. They lament that the suit that they wear or how they didn’t get the luck, divine intervention or other break. It’s easier to lament.

So! You’re Iron Man! You have a suit to work with. What are you going to do with it? Is this the part of the story where your adventure truly begins? Or do you let the “call to adventure” go to voicemail? The choice is yours and it’s our choices that make us who we are.

Suit up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Doorknob of Opportunity

Pete Huryk

Mirrors aren’t the only things that reflect. Throughout the day, you can see yourself in all kinds of places: shop windows, sunglass lenses, a lake and yes! even a doorknobs! The flat surfaces give you a pretty accurate reflection but something like a doorknob creates a “funhouse mirror” effect. The picture is distorted! With our actual reflection, the distortion is obvious. However, as we reach for the door of opportunity, that distortion can cause us to pull our hand back and walk away.

No one sees us 100% objectively, even ourselves. Looks, personality, talent, etc. are seen through deletions, distortions, incomplete information and bias. Yet, we like to believe that when dealing with ourselves we have a clear picture of who we are. Going back to the “funhouse mirror” analogy, we exaggerate many of our qualities for better or worse. During times of higher stress, like an opportunity that we value, there is a tendency to distort with a negative mirror. Humans are built to protect ourselves from dangers. Therefore we tend to see the threat rather than the reward. The doorknobs to opportunities are bound to reflect many of our faults related to the endeavor. If it’s a romantic situation, we’ll see how unattractive, boring and undesirable we are. In a business context, our lack of experience, talent or resources will shine through. Our brains are trying to protect us! That’s it’s job! Now you need to decide if the distortion is protecting or undercutting you.

Since I don’t know you, I can’t say whether or not you should ignore the doorknob or not. However, I will say that if you’re close enough to the opportunity to see yourself falling short, could you also see yourself succeeding? If so, then maybe it’s time to burst through that door! The regret from leaving things untried and undone is far worse that the regret of coming up short.

Knock, knock!

Pete