Tag: relationships

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lurking in the Shadows

Pete Huryk

Right before dusk, I started a walk down a path in a park. I knew it was going to get dark before I made it to my destination and back but I went anyway. As the darkness set in the trees and bushes that lined the path lost their detail and became shadow. Perhaps it is the lack of visual stimuli that heightens our sense of hearing in the dark or it’s a prehistoric defense mechanism. Regardless, I heard basically every sound that came from the trees and bushes. In this particular spot, more than likely all that was lurking in the shadows was some squirrels and possibly a groundhog. Despite that fact, I was very aware that I wasn’t “alone”. The shadows conceal so many things. Most of them mean us no harm but since we can’t identify them easily, it’s easy to fear the worst. The simple answer for my stroll through the park is to go earlier. The more complex problem is that there are things lurking in the shadows at all times.

We’re all carrying around things that are not put in the spotlight. On a subconscious level, we know that they’re there but either can’t access them or don’t want to. Often they are brought out into the open by circumstance or mistake. I don’t really think that our psychological baggage is out to get us. More often than not, the idea is to protect us from something by hanging out on the periphery. When it gets brought into the light though, it needs to be dealt with in some way. The first options of fight, flight or freeze are available and probably end with the issue returning to the shadows and not much changes. Curiosity and gratitude are great antidotes to so many negative emotions. Obviously a bear sized issue may require professional assistance. However even then, this is your life! Scars, pock marks and all! If there is an entire shadow world where you just don’t go, that’s choice to be made. However, it might be worth a look to see if there is some real estate that you want to develop.

Seeing past our own worldview and problems is extremely difficult. When the dust of the past gets kicked up in your face, it’s easy to get disoriented and act rashly. Perhaps sweeping up some of that dust from the past is the next step. The mental image that i have is of my brother working at the garbage company where we both worked. His job one summer was to sweep up the dust from the dirt parking lot. A broom, shop vac and other things were used. It was hilarious! Unfortunately his daily slog was not fun and gained him the nickname “Dusty”. Regardless of what you do with the dust, it belongs to you. You can leave it alone with the knowledge that it may get kicked up again. Shadows, dust, caves, closets, etc. there are so many places to hide things from ourselves. I don’t know that we can clean it all up but there’s certainly some work that could be done.

Shine the light on some of those shadows!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lesser Known Heroes

Pete Huryk

The “Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman” eventually breaks out of the neighborhood, becomes an Avenger and travels to space. There was a certain point at which only people from a small locality knew about him. If he had stayed small time, would his contributions have been less or just less well known? It’s a question of scale but do lesser known heroes, matter less? The likelihood of any of us having a global impact is pretty low. However, we all can have an individual impact at any moment. So perhaps it’s not scale but consistency that matters.

With so many of the things that we do in life, the opportunity for impact comes in almost direct proportion to frequency. Breathing, heart pumping, showing up, exercising, and so many other activities gain traction and get exponential returns based on their consistency. There is the possibility of overdoing it but most people tend to err on the side of never rather than too much.

So taking those two ideas and melding them together gives opportunity. Doing good for the masses is probably not happening and neither is the big ticket item of saving the world from cataclysm. The opportunity does exist for each of us to do our own small bit to help those who are within our reach. Perhaps that may even mean regularly saving yourself from yourself (yep, that’s a thing). Lesser known heroes are not any less important. They help to keep the world from falling into the pervasive chaos that no Avenger could handle. So whether you think of yourself as a hero or not, suit up and get to work. The world needs you! Ok maybe not the entire world, but definitely YOUR world!

Hero up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

My Lazy Eye

Pete Huryk

We all have our imperfections. One of mine is my “lazy eye” that’s actually not the medical term for what it is but it’s a functional description. Generally it happens when I’m tired, my one eye will just lose focus and move to the side. It’s something that I’ve had for so long that I don’t give it too much thought. From time to time, I’ll point it out in my classes. Not because I want encourage ridicule but in the hope that other people won’t be so concerned about their own imperfections.

Owning up to all that you are is difficult. We are weird, inconsistent, preoccupied and insecure beings. Some people have the strategy of covering up all of their imperfections or at least trying to do so. Others overcompensate with strengths or outlandishness. I’m not really in a position to judge. None of this easy! Sitting inside of our own skin and feeling comfortable there is a full time job. Meditate, compensate, communicate, love your mate…. (Go INXS!) They are all viable options but finding one that works in all situations is tough.

The world is not always going to celebrate you for exactly who you are. However there are times and places where your imperfections are exactly what’s needed. Recognize and lean into those because your chances of generalized acceptance of your oddities is probably not on the horizon. Don’t be the fish who keeps trying to climb a tree! The world is probably never going to love you, it doesn’t do that for anyone. However there’s a possibility that you could love yourself and a lot of other people would too! Lazy eye and all!

F%&$ing Alexa was playing this song this morning and it was catchy enough to force me to write this post.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pay Attention!

Pete Huryk

This morning on my run, I was posting one of my typical Instagram videos. As I was walking, I heard a hissing. At that moment, I looked up from my phone and there was a goose accosting me for being too close to its chicks. By all means, I was in the wrong and should have been more aware of my surroundings. Sad to say, it happened again about a quarter mile down the path. A teenage girl with blue hair was off to the side with her pet lizard but I did not see them until I was about to pass by.

On a normal day, I would not have thought too much of these events. Luckily a friend introduced me to a documentary on Netflix called “My Octopus Teacher”. It’s the story of a man who visits the same site in the ocean for almost a year and “befriends” an octopus. In the beginning, he is less than perfect at reading the clues left behind and how to relate to the creature. Over time he understands what to pay attention to and just how much he had to learn from another life form.

Our world has a tendency to be so very loud and “in your face” that we often lose subtle or even not so subtle details. I know that I’ve bungled this majorly in recent weeks. It’s so easy to become enamored with your own perspective, objectives or desires that all details are lost. Therefore we end up with only a partial version of the world. We are always working with less information than is available but often the loudest signals are not the most important. Filtering that which is coming in becomes the paramount skill.

As I will say to my students from time to time, “it doesn’t take any cash to pay attention.” It looks like I need to heed my own advice. There is a full and beautiful world out there with subtlety that someone could spend a lifetime on. That type of beauty tends to get lost when we’re racing to the next thing. We can’t take it all in but figuring out what matters to us and paying attention to it is crucial!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Butterflies Are Coming Back

Pete Huryk

Although some species of butterflies have a lifecycle that spans the winter, I tend to link them with spring. This morning I saw the first caterpillar of the season crawling along to find a place to chrysalis or cocoon. In a short amount time, it will turn into a butterfly and flap its wings merrily for the delight of onlookers.

Many of us have gone through a long winter (either literally or figuratively). It’s completely understandable to lose hope that it would ever end. When everything is barren for so long, seeing the next stage can be difficult if not impossible. Bundling up inside of a cocoon might seem like the right kind of idea and perhaps it is. Regardless of how one copes with the darkness of a season, remember that the butterflies are coming back! Those opportunities to see life in all of its beautiful splendor are only a short time away. They may seem to be moving at a caterpillar’s pace and maybe they are. Nature and so many other things cannot be forced to move any faster than their own speed.

So don’t lose heart! The butterflies are coming and it’s more than likely that they’ll be worth the wait. The most precious things in life usually are.

“I think I’m scared, Do I talk too much?”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Something Out of Nothing

Pete Huryk

Each moment of our day is not a blank canvas. There’s already a background with component pieces that must be considered. However each moment is a new opportunity to make something great happen out of seemingly nothing. As the line from one of my favorite one hit wonders goes “I’m not expecting to grow flowers in the desert.” The impossible doesn’t appear on its own and without effort. There needs to be intentional thought put into making something out of nothing. Luckily or unluckily, we’ve become programmed into thinking that only the truly extraordinary matters. I’d say that’s probably where we’ve lost most of our opportunity. Taking the “nothing” moments and turning them into something is a superpower that needs to be developed.

As I was on my run today, the song “In a Big Country” by Big Country came on and reframed the moment and many recent events.

“So take that look out of here it doesn’t fit you
Because it’s happened doesn’t mean you’ve been discarded
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can’t stay here with every single hope you had shattered”

Words that I know I’ve heard hundreds or possibly thousands of times before put a pin in my experience. That moment with all of these normal ingredients had truly transformed from nothing into something. A moment of reckoning where the next moment, day, week, month, or year has the possibility to be different. The onus is on me though because that moment could easily be washed away. The reverse is also possible. We turn something into nothing all of the time because we’re too busy, tired, scared or indifferent. Making something out of nothing takes effort.

So if you’ve been knocked down, “pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming, cry out for everything you ever might have wanted!” because “you can’t stay here with every single hope you had shattered!” It’s on you to make the next moment great but it won’t be if you’re too busy to see the possibilities.

“But I can live and breathe
And see the sun in wintertime!”

Pete

Blogpost, posh

Locked Out

Pete Huryk

In a world where we can communicate with anyone globally in an instant, it’s odd to think that we have trouble reaching ourselves. It is almost as if our freedom of communication with others has locked us out of reaching inside as freely. For years now, I’ve suggested to people that they not sleep near their device nor use it for the first 30 minutes of the day. The reason for this is to allow time to decide your own priorities before the feed from your Insta, Snap, Twitter, Facebook or even your email gets its claws into you. It’s easy to think that you’re just checking on what’s going on but usually you’re giving up the reigns of your focus to people who may not care much about you.

It’s easy to blame social media or greedy companies that want to usurp your attention and dollars. Unfortunately, that situation isn’t bound to change any time soon. Even before the technological upheaval of the past few decades, people were giving away their attention to the unimportant long before the internet or cellphones came along. To be honest, distraction isn’t even fully what I’m worried about. It’s being locked away from the things that you truly want.

Each of us has potential beyond our reckoning but the things that we allow ourselves to believe as possible are often disappointing. The extreme of this is the “I can’t” that is attached to normal things. “I can’t get in shape!” “I can’t find the time!” “I can’t find get a break!” Language and thought processes lock the person out of something that’s more than likely within their reach. It’s not REALITY. It is just their reality formed from a variety of things. Possibly past experience but more than likely, it is just easier to believe that something is impossible than to try.

So don’t lock yourself out! You have what it takes to do whatever you set your mind to. For now, you need to decide what you want. Then break it down into smaller pieces and give yourself enough reasons to go after it. VCR Most of the prisons that people are living in are self-made and invisible. The bars are nothing more than a lack of vision.

“Grab your things I’m going to take you home!”

Pete

Blogpost

Currency

Pete Huryk

When most of us hear the word currency, we automatically think of money.  Money is definitely currency and we deal with it all the time.  Unfortunately at times it seems like we have forgotten that it is not the only currency.  Currency can be just about anything that is exchanged.  Whenever I ask people about currency, they usually start off with money, gold, silver, diamonds, etc.  Eventually as I probe, they come up with less obvious answers like love, respect, kindness, time, etc.

There are many natural laws that govern our World.  Laws like gravity do not waiver regardless of how we may plead with them.  There is a less definite but still applicable law of exchange.  It was much easier to see in the past.  Farmers, hunters, gathers and trappers understood this law very well.  They needed to give an extreme amount of effort before they could take any rewards.  The farmer especially had to put in months of work in order to reap its rewards.  Unfortunately many of us have lost touch with that law of exchange.  The focus has shifted solely to the reward and getting it with the least amount of time and effort possible.

I cannot blame anyone in the modern world for overlooking the simple currencies.  They can be easy to forget about as we rush around trying to fit in all of the different parts of our lives.  As the world becomes more connected, these currencies become more important.  I don’t want to live in a world where the currencies of anger, hatred, distrust, skepticism, greed, etc. are exchanged regularly. The more often they are circulated, the more people that they touch.  So whenever possible, take them out of circulation by letting them go. Then put the truly valuable currencies out into the world.

This is not a simple task because we do not always get back in equal measure to our initial investment. It’s easy for me to tell anyone to persist despite the lack of reward. At times, it will feel downright foolish. However, I am going to implore that you do not give up on mining the currencies that truly matter. Your windfall is coming. It just might not be what you expected!

Time to cash in!

Pete

Blogpost

Fill In the Gaps

Pete Huryk

The best ideas are not particularly the most complex. They also don’t particularly need to come from philosophers or physicists. Simple and usable is far better than complex and unattainable. So when considering the best people to ruminate on relationships, the fictitious boxer, Rocky Balboa, is not a name that springs to mind for most. However, in an offhanded comment in a meat freezer, he explains some of why we are drawn to particular people and keep them in our lives.

Paulie: I don’t see it. What’s the attraction?
Rocky: I don’t know. Fills gaps, I guess.
Paulie: What’s ‘gaps’?
Rocky: I dunno, gaps. She’s got gaps, I got gaps. Together, we fill gaps. I dunno.

It’s easy to get distracted by Rocky punching a side of beef after this conversation. However, in this short exchange with his future brother in law, he is profound in his reading of the human condition.

None of us is a perfect person. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Despite the fact that we can’t achieve perfection, most of us look to improve or diversify our experience. Discovering new territory and finding new/unique ways of looking at the world is something that we’re built for. Often it is the people that we surround ourselves with that help pull us forward into the void or push us beyond our comfort zone or makes us feel secure due to their strengths being different. Fill the gaps.

Most relationships don’t last for a lifetime. People come in and out of our lives like seasons. Some last for decades and others for much shorter. It’s important to recognize those people who fill the gaps because no matter how long they are in your life, they’re not here forever. Do your best to be present in the time that you have and be thankful that you had it. Some people are too busy covering up the fact that they have gaps to let anyone in.

Not a perfect person!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Visits to Southport (A Reflection on Reflecting)

Pete Huryk

On my drive to the beach from Atlanta, my route took me closer to Southport, NC than I’ve been in years. It was once a place that I visited annually. Despite being the backdrop for several famous movies, I went to this very picturesque spot for the conversation. Each year I would go to Southport and meet my former professor for lunch and talk about our lives. Although he was no longer grading me and never would have said a negative thing about my life choices, I always used it as a measuring stick to decide whether or not I’d used my year well. If I was proud of the things that I had to tell him, then it was a good year. If I felt that I needed to avoid some less than proud moments, then I might have work to do before our next meeting.

The great thing about these little check-ins was that I recognized it and looked forward to it. There is no doubt that I loved and respected my mentor. That was what made our meetings so very special. Rather than bringing home a report card to show a letter grade, I got to tell my story to someone who truly wanted me to succeed while always knowing whether or not I was editing. It was a gift worth its weight in gold because between my story, his reactions and our discourse, I saw myself. It wasn’t a 100% accurate picture. More like one of those carnival mirrors that distorts your shape. This was a reflection of a realistically idealized version of myself that can be found most abundantly in parents and teachers. The people who see you as you are but also better than you are. They forgive your shortcomings while seeing your potential and possibly give you some credit for it before you reach it.

Unfortunately, those meetings are no longer available to me with that particular mentor. The world and I truly lost something when he passed on. Now I need to look at myself without him and wonder. What would he think of how I am handling this moment in time? If we were at the Provision Company having lunch, would I be squirming in my seat or relaxed in my skin? It’s not an overly difficult exercise to do on my own. He would be supportive and offer his bits of wisdom but avoid being too “preachy” and it would all circle back to Don Quixote somehow. At the moment, I just miss my friend.

Mirrors are a spectacular tool for seeing yourself as you are. Friends and mentors are sometimes a better tool for seeing the best version of yourself. When you find one that truly shows you the best things about yourself, I hope that you recognize it as I did. It is such a gift while you have it and it won’t last forever. So cherish it. You’ll never look so good as you do in the eyes of someone who truly loves you!

We are human storytellers.

Pete