Tag: motivation

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Life Is All About T&A

Pete Huryk

At this point, depending on your gender, the title caught your attention for very different reasons.  However if you are reading, then that only serves to back up my point.  Your life and anyone else’s life is dominated by T&A.  Probably not the T&A that you have in mind at the moment but rather Thoughts and Actions.

Our thoughts are the pictures and words inside of our heads that cause emotion.  They are the citizens of our first world.  The world that we create for ourselves.  Some of us are effective architects who take great care in the thoughts that are created in our minds.  Others allow any garbage that is brought in through the senses to penetrate and take root.  Our thoughts are the first half of the equation that creates our life.

The other is our actions.  Those things that we do in the physical world.  Our actions are the reality that we share with others.  Hopefully our actions are based in some part on thought.  Often they are a representation of what we did yesterday and the day before.  Regardless the actions that we take are the life that we lead.

The combination of your T&A are the sum total of who you are as a person.  Are you proud of your T&A?  Do they need some changes?  The only way to change yourself is to change your thoughts, your actions or both.  Spend some time paying attention to your T&A.

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Your Game and Keeping Score

Pete Huryk

As a soccer coach, I will often use games in practice to work on different skills.  A game of keep-away with the number of passes being the objective is a way to work on possession.  The key to success is that everyone understands what the game is and how to keep score.  In your life it is important to understand what games your are playing and are you keeping score in a way that allows for you to win some times.

As you go through your daily life, it is important to first pay attention to the “games” that you are playing.  There are literally millions of “games” that the human race are playing.  You have chosen to engage in some and ignore others.  For example, you might be really invested in the “make my parents proud” game or the “be attractive to the opposite sex” game.  Depending on which game you’ve decided to make important, you’ll act very differently.  I am not going to moralize on which games are more important.  The only thing that I would suggest is that you are aware of the games that you’ve made important and if they’ll help get you  where you want to go.

Now that you are sure of the games you want to play, how do you keep score?  Be sure to line your game up with a score that is appropriate and attainable.  If your game is “helping other people” but you keep score by how much money you make, you might need to reevaluate.  The game and the score are not directly related, so you might be really good at the game but feel like failure.

The other thing to be wary of is making the goal unattainable for you.  If your game is “being fit” but you keep score by a ridiculous set of criteria including: 10% body fat, huge lifting numbers or extremely low running times, you may want to revamp.  Humans thrive on progress.  If your goal and the way to score are the same thing, it decreases your chances for success.  So small benchmarks can make your possibility for success much better.

What game are you playing and how do you keep score?  Answer these two questions. Perhaps you can give yourself a better chance of winning the games that you actually want to play.  Also you might be able to quit some games that you didn’t realize you were playing.

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This Is What You Wanted

Pete Huryk

MarathonAs we are moving past the time when most people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions, I offer this subtle reminder.  THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED.  It is sometimes a difficult thing to swallow.  Goals and resolutions are pretty and shiny when we create them.  Everything will go great!  You’ll be able to maintain this level of excitement until you get to the end!  The problem is that we usually forget or don’t know the following.

When you set up a goal or make a resolution it is much like ordering your favorite dessert.  For me that would be the classic chocolate milkshake.  Unfortunately you forgot to read the fine print.  Before you will be served your delicious dessert, you have an appetizer of pain coming.  That will be followed by a main course of discipline with self-sacrifice sauce and side order of humility.  Once you are able to choke down those mammoth size helpings of something that YOU DIDN’T ORDER, you’ll finally get that thing that you wanted.

Just remember that THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, all of it is part of the deal.  Embrace it.  You’ll actually find at some point  halfway through the main course that you like the taste of it.  Those things that you overlooked on the menu are actually something that you want for yourself.  The problem is that most people retreat too early because THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!  At the end of the meal you’ll have to settle up the check.  If you stuffed yourself full with meal and goal, the bill is paid with PRIDE.  If you left your meal unfinished, then you have a debt of REGRET that is difficult to wipe away.

Decide on what you want from the menu!

Pete

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The Paper Collection

Pete Huryk

DiplomaIn college I was a Spanish major and there was a girl in several of my classes who was a Spanish minor.  She was very attractive but her Spanish skills were lacking.  One day she told me that she didn’t even like speaking Spanish that she was just taking the classes to get the minor.  This prompted my question, “why get the minor?”  “Because it will look good on my resume.”  At this point, I was flabbergasted.  “Isn’t the company that is impressed by that going to expect that you’ll be able to use the language?”  This thought had never occurred to her.

In this world of standardization, classification and certification, the papers that we are able to collect seem to hold too much weight.  The story of my Spanish-challenged classmate is not made up and unfortunately not uncommon.  Our diplomas and grades are collected in the hope that it will bring us to that promised land in the future.  The issue is that when we have all of the papers that someone says we need, will we be able to do anything?

Perhaps, paper is not the thing that we need to collect.  Maybe there are better commodities out there to be sought.  Rather than collecting paper, we should be collecting: thoughts, hearts, minds, influence, respect, trust, love, esteem, help, counsel, ideas, laughter, smiles, jokes, hugs, handshakes, pats on the back, kisses, and the list goes on and on.

I’d rather struggle to get in the door because I lack the paper rather than being pushed out the door because my paper was meaningless.

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Finish Him/Her/It!

Pete Huryk

For any of us who spent way too many quarters at an arcade, that phrase is easily identifiable. In “Mortal Kombat” that phrase meant that your enemy was basically beaten and all you needed to do was perform one last lethal blow to add an exclamation point to your victory.  I remember vividly spending countless hours mastering special moves or trying to complete a level on a range of video games.  As meaningless as the games might have been, we were finishers.

In the megapixel world of video games things are much easier and more defined.  There is a sequence to things.  Levels become incrementally harder.  Resources show up basically right before you need them.  The problem is that as fun as the game might be, life is the game that counts.

There are a hundred different directions to take this metaphor but I’m going straight for the throat.  FINISH IT!!!!  Whatever it is that you set in front of yourself.  Being a great starter means nothing if you’re not a finisher.  Anyone can tell you about the two pounds they lost, the two weeks that they lifted weights or the book they started five years ago.  It’s all worthless without the finish.  That moment when your goal is teetering on the edge of defeat and you deliver that lethal strike.

Finish it.  Be methodical, don’t cut corners but finish it.  Decide before you start that you’re going to finish.  If you’re not committed to the finish, then don’t commit to the start.  Finish it!

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You Won the Lottery! Don’t Waste It!

Pete Huryk

Are you saying to yourself, “I didn’t win the lottery.  If I did, I surely wouldn’t waste it.”  YOU DID WIN THE LOTTERY but we’ll deal with that in a moment.  It’s easy to look with contempt at the people who seemed to have it and then lost it.  Examples like MC Hammer, Mike Tyson and Kim Basinger are ones that pop into my mind.  They all had millions of dollars coming in yet they went bankrupt.  How could they let this happen?  There are all kinds of reasons: mismanagement, overindulgence, lack of a defined plan or stupidity.  It seems really simple.  If I were to win the lottery, I’d be able to keep it all together.  It would be easy.

So now to the point, you did win the lottery.  You won the “Birth Lottery”.  If you’re reading this, then you have access to the internet and probably live in the US, Canada or Europe.  You weren’t born into slavery.  Through your life, you’ve probably been loved, fed and educated pretty regularly.  Although you don’t have as much as some people near the top, you’re so far ahead of the people at the bottom that it’s a joke.  Starvation, malnutrition and imminent death are probably not on your worry list for today.  So since you won the birth lottery, what are you going to do with it?

Your perspective on your life will determine heavily what you will do with it.  You can choose to see your place in life as a burden or difficult.  Or you can realize that you already won the lottery and not waste it.

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Anchor Someday to Today

Pete Huryk

Someday is a great concept with an infinite amount of possibility.  “Someday I’ll get that new car.  Someday I’ll meet that special someone.  Someday we’ll get that bigger house.  Someday I’ll feel better about myself.”  The problem with someday is that it is like a ship floating off in the distance.  The only way to get someday to come is to lasso it, anchor it to the spot where you stand and pull it in.

Today is all that we ever truly have.  So if we want someday to eventually become today, we need to connect the two.  I don’t know what your someday dream is but it will probably require a lot of pulling.  Each and every day you need to do something to get you closer to that someday.  At times it will seem like you’re making no progress.  It may seem like it is impossible.  Then you’ll find out which is more important: wasting today or using it to turn it into someday.

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New Year + Resolution + Old You = Same Old Same Old

Pete Huryk

The act of making a New Year’s Resolution is a good concept.  Taking the opportunity to start fresh with a brand new set of goals is admirable.  The problem is that most people don’t follow through on their new resolutions.  There are many reasons why most resolutions fail.  Below are some of the normal pitfalls and suggestions on avoiding them.

  • Going It Alone – Change often takes willpower and some people are in short supply of it.  So one way to increase your chances of making a change is to partner up with someone.  The small group adds a bit of social pressure that feels less like will.  Or even better, join a new peer group where your desired outcome is the norm.
  • Biting Off More Than You Can Chew – People often set themselves up for failure by trying to make too many changes.  Start with bite-size chunks that are manageable.  Break it down into a daily basis where it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.  Also set up systems that help make things automatic.  Program a wake up call in your phone and put your shoes by your bed if you want to run every morning and reward yourself for little successes.
  • Bringing Old You to the New Year – If you would like to make a change in your life, don’t bother making the resolution.  There’s not enough power of emotion behind that.  You need to get to the point where you need to make a change because it is who you truly want to be in your soul.  Change is inconvenient, difficult and a Do It Yourself project.  Come up with all of the reasons why this must happen and you might have a chance.
  • Confusing Progress and Success – Often people walk the first five miles of a thousand mile journey and become satisfied with their progress because this is the farthest they’ve ever gone.  Define the endpoint  and keep it in mind.  Don’t be satisfied with anything less.
  • Making Setbacks into Failure – Everyone screws up, stumbles, forgets and blows things off.  Don’t beat yourself up.  If the goal is worth having, then it is worth going through some missteps.  Will you only be satisfied with having your goal if you never faltered once?  Then don’t even start, we all screw up.

As is always true, these posts are as much for me as they are for you.  Good luck in 2015!  Make it a great year on purpose.

 

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Webster’s and Facebook Identity Polls

Pete Huryk

What does the New Year bring you?  Which Greek god are you?  Which Star Wars villain are you?  What character from classic literature are you?  What state should you live in? These are all Polls that I’ve seen on Facebook at one time or another.  They can be an interesting diversion for five minutes but why do we see so many pop up on our news-feed?  They show up because they are popular and people take them regularly.  But why?

Identity is something that is extremely important to people.  We want to know who we are and be sure that others see us that way.  One of the most difficult periods of a person’s life is often called an “identity crisis”.  People realize that they are no longer what they once were.  This can result in major life upheaval.  Consistency in identity is extremely important to most of us.

One of the best examples that I have of this is my cousin Kerry.  He is a distance runner, exercise enthusiast and pretty strict about his diet.  Despite all of his healthful choices, he had used chewing tobacco since he was in college.  The chewing tobacco was a long standing habit, even longer than the running and exercising.  Kerry knew it was bad for him and had tried to quit it several times but the bad habit persisted until I made an random comment to him.  “If you’re the ‘fitness guy’, then why do you still dip?”  That question changed everything.  In order to keep in line with his identity, he had to quit tobacco and he did.  His identity was being questioned by someone else and therefore he had to decide who he really was.

The thing that scares me about the FB polls and online forums is that we seem to be looking for others to define us.  “Tell me who I am because I don’t know.”  As a teacher, I see this too often with my students.  Clothes, hair, opinions, and everything else seems to change with the whims of what is popular.  With the echo chamber of the internet, it exponentially increases the scenario of the blind leading the blind.  The way to know if you’re doing the right thing is if everyone else is doing the same or at least someone famous.  At least if you’re following the crowd, it’s someone else’s fault.  No it’s not, you DECIDED to follow.

Rather than following the crowd or having Facebook or even Webster’s Dictionary define you, do it yourself.  Go to a quiet space with a pen and a paper.  Write down who you are.  Or even better, write down who you want to be, in every area.  Physically, mentally, emotionally and etc.  Feel free to get input from trusted people but don’t ask random people walking down the street.  Even this paper will not be the end of it.  Your identity is work in progress just like your life.  Examine both and define them with your own terms.

 

 

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In Your Honor

Pete Huryk

I’m not sure of the exact date but I remember the day when I knew that I had that thing in me that a parent needs.  My wife and I were at my in-laws’ lake house.  I was on the phone inside the house when I heard a strange kind of screech then my wife called for me.  I dropped the phone and ran outside.  When I got to where she was, I saw what had caused the screech.  My dog, Kelme, pinned on his back by another dog in the bed of rocks that descended down into the lake.  I was on the deck that was about fifteen feet above where Kelme and his attacker were.  Without a thought, I hopped over the railing, dropped the fifteen feet and miraculously landed safely on the jagged rocks right next to the two dogs.  Luckily the other dog got completely spooked by my sudden appearance and bolted quickly.  So I did not have to engage in the vicious fight with a dog that I anticipated.  I scooped Kelme up and took him to the vet.

This morning I was reminded of this experience while on my run and listening to the Foo Fighters’ song “In Your Honor”.  The line “In Your Honor, I would die tonight!” is the one that hammers the point of that experience home.  I gave absolutely no thought to my own safety in that situation and justifiably so.  In my view, it is inherent to being a parent that you put the welfare of your children above your own.  After that experience, I knew that I had that inside of me.  I know with complete certainty that I would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my children, trading my life for theirs.  Today while listening to that song, I decided that there is another level to that equation.

The idea of the sacrificial trade holds but my hope is that we never get there.  So “In Their Honor”, I will not be dying but what if instead “In Their Honor” I lived?  If I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, why not make some of the smaller sacrifices and live life to the fullest?  Show them that my purpose is not particularly to give everything that I have in order that they might live.  My purpose should be to give my best attempt at this life in order that they might follow that example.  Perhaps the sum total of all of those little sacrifices will be a greater gift because they get to keep their father and he is someone to be proud of.

Luke and Emmy, In Your Honor, I will live tonight!