Tag: motivation

Blogpost, self-reliance

Consistency to Comfort

Pete Huryk

The moment is forever burned into my memory. I was ten years old standing halfway up the hill that led into a wooded area that we always referred to as the “quarry.” My older brother, his best friend and another kid or two were all in a circle. Since my brother was involved this was an opportunity to do something with the “big kids.” I don’t remember the events that lead up to this event, nor anything that followed. The main memory is that it was my turn to try taking a puff off the cigarette that was being passed around. Although I had a variety of reasons to believe that what I was doing should be considered cool, my body revolted in a most violent way. I coughed, gagged and felt almost like I could throw up. That was the last time that I ever tried smoking a cigarette.

Despite the negative experience with cigarettes, I have the occasional cigar.

The combination of the human body and mind is amazing. As a united front, they can conquer almost anything including things that people would just refer to as reality. The key to the mind/body power is consistency. It has the ability to flip the natural script of any stimuli. The example of my first smoking experience is perfect. Other people had a similar experience but through consistency, took an uncomfortable sensation and made it pleasurable or even necessary. People put poisons into their bodies everyday and get pleasure from the process. Not because the poison is inherently tasty but because consistency can lead to comfort.

Many people and organizations have adopted the mantra “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” I’m not opposed to the sentiment especially considering the year that 2020 turned out to be. However this saying skips past the most important ingredient. Discomfort is not the goal, that can be self-flagellation or punishment if don’t haphazardly. The key is to be consistent. Consistently putting yourself into uncomfortable situations will bleed them of their power. For the past two years, I’ve been doing cold showers. They were difficult in the beginning but eventually the consistency of doing it everyday made them “comfortable.” By no means have the sensations of cold turned into warmth. Quite the contrary, the cold is still there in force but I am ABLE to find COMFORT in it.

The same is true of almost any stimuli that you encounter consistently. With today being January 1st, 2021, I thought it the appropriate time to draw attention to this fact. As people usually hope for change at this time of year, the ones who are successful will be consistent long enough that they feel comfortable with this new thing. There’s no magical potion that you can guzzle down to get the things that you want. It’s a drop every day until you can handle more. I inhaled too much smoke that first day and I’m glad I did. Decide what it is that you want and sip or inch your way forward.

This is the way!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Day Three of My New Life

Pete Huryk

With the season of New Year’s Resolutions descending upon us quickly, I thought it was time to give an alternative. “Day Three of My New Life” is actually the name of one of my favorite albums of all time. The band Knapsack released it while I was in college. Through my weekly radio show, I got introduced to the album and the band. None of this is why you clicked on this post, so I’ll move on but the album is worth a listen.

Knapsack – Day Three of My New Life

Several times I’ve dissected the title of the album for myself and attributed a thought process to it. For the moment at least, I’m going to say that the following is what I believe about change which is what resolutions promise. It’s unfortunate that the word resolution has gotten associated with so many failed enterprises by people over the years. The definition of a “firm decision to do or not do something” is a powerful alternative to the impotent leanings that most people have. So even though New Year’s Resolutions tend to be weak, the word is intended to be strong.

Day Three of My New Life plays perfectly into this thought process as it puts a line of demarkation between the past self and the present. Humans tend to lead with belief and therein lies the power of this thought process. Normal resolutions fail because it is the same old version of you, trying to do a new action. Unfortunately the life that you lead is resistant to change, especially when giving up something that is coveted. At this time of year, change is all the rage. So it is not truly a resolution but a form peer pressure that most fold under. It is crucial to birth a new version of yourself. So rather than the first, maybe it’s better to start on the number day of your birthday. That makes it personal. A part of your identity that you get to carry forward.

In addition to the decision there need to be reminders of the new you built into the day. You need to have arrows to the action that you recognize and utilize. Few of us have the willpower to overcome all of the obstacles in our way, so we need to be set up for success. Running shoes put next to the bed, reminders in the cellphone, post it notes on the refrigerator or the simple favor of having a friend as an accountability partner are all possible ways to point you in the right direction. No answer will be perfect but functionality is the key. Every day of your new life, you’ll need to put on the boxing gloves and fight the old habits off. It’s a balancing act to be sure but the shape of the fear that you feel is always your own shadow. The feeling that you are not enough to fill the new shoes that you’ve fashioned for yourself.

So as we move into the new year and new possibilities, choose the new life that you want to lead. If you want to stay true to form, that’s great! It means that you’re happy with this version of you. If not, then resolve to adopt this new life and go well past day three!

Happy New Year!

Pete

PS – My favorite song by Knapsack is “Arrows to the Action.” Even though Day Three… was the main topic here, This Conversation Is Ending, Starting Right Now is possibly a better album but it’s really close!

Blogpost, self-reliance

Who Is In Charge?

Pete Huryk

With the New Year right around the corner and thoughts of a restart go through the minds of many people, it is possibly worth the time to put all of these cards on the table. If 2021 is going to be better than 2020, then there needs to be a basic understanding of who is responsible for the varied facets of life. Although the answers to all of these questions will be self-evident, the exercise is important because it releases all of the stories that come along with circumstances.

If you are a student, who is in charge of your grades? Your teacher? She/he is responsible for the delivery of the content but in the end, you are in charge of acquiring it. I won’t go on my grades rant here but remember that every teacher that you have will eventually be gone. They transitory figures in your life who are intended to teach you something. EVEN if they are the worst teacher in the world, it is on you to cope with that situation. It is your knowledge that is at stake.

Who is in charge of your health? Your doctor? You go to see her/him a few times per year. Those visits are checkpoints but in no way do they have the impact that your daily decisions do. A doctor can be part of a health strategy but in the end, you must implement that strategy. If you’re out of shape, overweight, or lethargic, that’s on you. The strategies for correcting most ailments do not require a PhD but rather SADD (Simple Actions Done Daily). If you’re in a health hole, you’re the only one who can dig yourself out. People can help but they cannot drag you along or the results will be short-lived. The reverse is also true. If you are fit, strong and flexible, that’s on you! Pat yourself on the back if you can.

Who is in charge of your mindset? Your psychologist? Your parents? Your ex? While your therapist may be able to help you refocus and create new meaning for your situation, the patterns of thoughts and behaviors are ultimately on you. People from your past have definitely contributed to your present mental framework, however you do not have to hold onto it. Blaming your present on others may feel better than owning it but that makes you a victim. You’re not a victim. You are the captain of your ship.

Who is in charge of your career? Your boss? Perhaps you are fortunate enough to have a boss who is looking out for your best interest in your career, most people are not that lucky. Most bosses are concerned with your performance in your present position. Their job is not to clear a path for your ultimate success. They already do that for themselves.

Who is in charge of your finances? Wall street? The President? Your banker? Your finances are your responsibility. All of these institutions can influence your financial standing but the decisions are on you. If the market has taken a turn for the worse and you take a hit, that’s based on your decisions not the circumstances. When the situation changes (and it always does), it will be the alignment of your sails rather than the direction of the wind that will dictate your course.

None of these ideas is revolutionary or even difficult to understand. However people are going to struggle this year with the circumstances that they encounter. They are going to look around to find an easier scapegoat than themselves. This protective maneuver is an attempt to make the self feel good in the moment. “It’s not my fault because of ….” Feeling good in that moment is robbing them of the power that they have to make the big changes that they desire.

No one is going to scoop you up like Superman and protect you from all of the bad things in the world. It’s on you to save yourself and help the people around you. So as we progress into 2021, get your thumb ready because it’s the appendage that separates us from most other animals. It’s also the device that will separate you from most other people, if you use it often enough when giving responsibility.

Thumbs before fingers people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Bow and The Arrow

Pete Huryk

Short and sweet for Christmas Eve! Here we go!

Are you the bow? The one who stays in the same spot and gets put under regular tension. You do basically all of the work but are a tool being used by someone else.

Are you the arrow? The one with direction who gets to go places and reach targets or miss them. Regardless you are getting out there. Staying inert is not your thing, in fact it makes you quiver (hahahaha).

It’s not so much that one is better than the other. Both are necessary parts of the equation. However the perspective on how you interact with your world is important. We’d all like to believe that we are flying free toward our targets. That freedom is found in perspective. Kings have been slaves and slaves have been kings. The crown itself is powerless. It is useless on the head of one whose spirit is crushed under its weight. The chains and walls also cannot hold the person who is free where it counts. So go fly before someone puts you under major tension to propel them toward their bullseye!

Barbecue sauce!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Toaster and the Smartphone

Pete Huryk

A toaster is a useful piece of machinery at breakfast time. Its identity is so certain that it bears the name of what it does. A smartphone on the other hand has many functions. It can take calls, search for information, teach you another language and thousands of other things. It’s just horrible at making toast.

My toaster!

There is no shame in being a toaster if you place yourself in the right spot. In fact you can be the most valuable item in the right kitchen. There is also no value to being a smartphone in the wrong environment. A place with no cell towers and no electricity renders this ubiquitous tool inert. It becomes a paperweight or a good skipping stone.

In the end it is not what you can do or what you cannot. The skills that you have need to match the life that you lead or want to lead. So it is up to you to decide. Is your identity the perfect size for your life? If you’re a toaster, then be the best damn toaster ever and find the right kitchen for your output. Don’t envy the smartphone, it can’t do what you can!

Heat things up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Conviction of Santa Claus

Pete Huryk

Childhood should be a magical time where kids have the ability to believe in certain things. They should be able to believe in their ability to be an astronaut or a cowboy or an astronaut cowboy. Blind faith dwindles as we gain experience. As a child, there was a time where Santa Claus was something that I believed in without any doubt. He was a real person who had semi-magical powers and brought gifts for me and my brothers on Christmas. Now I believe in the concept of Santa Claus but not the man. The man no longer delivers on the promise of my childhood. He does not show up with presents. However the feeling and belief in what is represented is still there. It has morphed into something much more general and less strong. The certainty has been replaced by a version of realism/skepticism.

If a man in a red suit shows up in my house early Christmas morning, he’s more likely to get the business end of a baseball bat than cookies. This reaction is based on thirty five years of non-belief. The question is not whether that momentary reaction is right or not. The true dilemma is how long do I hold onto my “realistic” belief if the evidence is in his favor. Would I bear witness to convict Santa if his story held up? My hope would be no, that I am able to change my beliefs about what is possible based on new information. We should all have this ability. However most of the time, we are not dealing with a court case. We are living moment to moment making gut reactions on beliefs.

The best version of “A Christmas Carol” is the one with George C. Scott in my opinion.

In all likelihood, you’ll not be face to face with Santa in a few days. However you are going to be face to face with yourself often. Although your chances of becoming an astronaut cowboy are pretty slim (see if Elon Musk has a need), there are probably pieces of yourself that were discarded in the past. An optimism and self-belief that you could use in that new endeavor. The child inside of you believed that you could be anything and while some childish things need to be left behind, there is no reason that you can’t mix that sense of possibility with a dash of common sense. Most of the time that youthful spirit inside of you is trying to leave presents under your tree, not rob you of everything that you have. So put down the bat for a moment and see who it is that’s coming down the chimney in your head. Perhaps the ghost of your childish past is going to fill your stocking with something that you desperately need.

Singfish! Wouldn’t that be the opposite of humbug?

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

A Bundle of Twigs

Pete Huryk

Winter has mostly descended on Virginia. So our fireplace has gotten a fair amount of use recently. Although the TV will try to sell us all on the idea that a single log can burn for hours on end with the perfect flame, it’s just not true. This type of false fire advertising leads to people buying fake logs from the store because the shame of not being able to build the perfect fire is too much too bear. Obviously I’m being ridiculous now but there is a disconnect between an effective fire and starting a fire. Big logs are not the start of a quality fire. They come later. The beginnings of any great (non cheating) fire is a bunch of twigs. Once they catch, it is relatively easy to add slightly larger pieces until the log is ablaze. The fact that we rarely have to build a fire anymore creates a disconnect with natural order of the world.

Twigs, sticks and logs were all harmed in the taking of this photo!

In our own lives with American Idol and get rich quick schemes, it is easy to forget that most things that we want to build only require twigs at first. The idea of making a million dollars should be preceded by making a dollar then another. Twigs are everywhere and we overlook them in our lives because we want the blazing fire now. Each of us needs to realize that the big logs or dreams are never going to self-combust. They each need those little twigs or actions to get things started. There is a certain amount of pride that needs to be taken in finding the twigs and small branches to add to the fire. Being smart about not adding the big log too early because the pressure will only snuff out the small flame.

Although it’s possible for a person to become obsessed with their small fire based on twigs, I’ve found that more people are sitting in the dark with their big log and magnifying glass hoping. These pieces could all work at some point but their combination just doesn’t. Knowing where you are in the process and what you need to get the next stage of the fire going is crucial. Your blaze is coming if you build it up right!

Find those twigs!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Right Kind of Fight

Pete Huryk

When my grandfather was a young man, he got into a fight at a softball game. It wasn’t a league or anything, just a friendly game where the two teams agreed that the losers would pay for the keg of beer. The odd thing about the situation was that he didn’t get into a fight with someone from the other team. He got into a fight with someone on his own team, for not trying hard enough. A lot has changed since my grandfather was a young man and I’m not a fan of fighting but this story has always stuck with me.

The kids that I encounter today have the term “try hard” for someone who puts out excessive effort in a situation. While I understand the desire for someone not to go too far in a situation that doesn’t call for it, I feel that the term weakens the “intensity muscle.” The social stigma of caring too much may have gone too far in the wrong direction. Balance is needed of course but much like the chastising of “nerds” was stupid, this might be worse. Putting someone down for being a “nerd” was an idiotic way for less intelligent people to shame the smart. As foolish as this was, the insult of “try hard” is probably more dangerous because it can be used much more pervasively. It is not just one group who fall victim to it but anyone can.

So I beg of you! Try hard! Try the absolute best that you can! You only get one shot at each day of your life. The thought that you might come up short because you were shamed into giving half effort is a scary proposition. That shame is only coming your way because the critics are afraid to try and fail. So leave it all out there on the field or my grandfather is going to kick your ass!

Go get ’em!

Pete

Blogpost

“Winners Never Quit” and Other Lies You’ve Been Told

Pete Huryk

Quotes like this captivate our imagination because they simplify things to a singular thought. LIFE (and especially your life) is much more nuanced and complicated. Sayings like this are easy to put on posters and Instagram posts but much more difficult to live up to, especially when they are not true. In this case, the truth is that winners quit things all the time. Winners quit making excuses! Winners quit holding low standards for themselves! Winner quit doing unimportant things! Yes! This more nuanced approach is less evident and harder to put on a poster. However it is definitely more powerful. No longer is an average person like you or me under the pressure of “NEVER.”

Abraham Lincoln probably didn’t say this!

“Knowledge is power!” is the next lie that I’d like to unpack. Knowledge is not power. It is is only potential power. Knowledge without action is like gasoline without a flame. It has the potential to make a big explosion but is inert on its own. The person with the knowledge must do something with it in order to extract its power. The equation for power is work over time. No doubt that in the real world, knowledge can reduce the time and the work in order to make that equation more powerful. Knowledge is something but it’s far from the only thing. Many people scour books and the internet for all the knowledge that they can find but their inaction keeps them stagnant.

So as you encounter these sayings, dig a little deeper because under the surface is all of the value. Think it through and make it apply to you. Grandiose is often not practical. We all need tools that we can use, not just sayings that look good next to the picture of a famous person. Life is supposed to be meaningful, not just quotable!

Have a great day!

Pete

Blogpost

Success Is The Distance…

Pete Huryk

For years I’ve been saying it to my teams, “Winning is not always success and losing is not always failure!” Now this sticks right in the craw of many people who want to put trophies on mantles and points on the board. The problem is that this one metric doesn’t tell the entire story. It’s just the most obvious thing that people measure. It’s also the reason that I REALLY REALLY dislike Manchester City in the English Premier League. We need to dig a little deeper to uncover the metrics by which true success can be measured.

My statement about success and failure is usually followed up by a thought exercise. I’ll ask my high school players, “If we played Arsenal and lost 1-0, were we successful?” The answer is always a resounding “YES!” Then I ask, “If we were to play against a U8 team and won 1-0, were we successful?” The answer is always a resounding “NO!” “Could we even characterize that as a ‘failure’?” Again the answer is always unanimous, “YES!” So if a loss can be success and a victory can be failure, how do we truly measure these contradictory outcomes that are so integral to how we feel about ourselves? It is simple but not easy.

Success is the distance between someone’s resources and their results. Many of the components may be subjective but we have the exemplars written in the fabric of our culture. It is no wonder that Rocky continues to be a classic after all of these years. That movie personifies this idea about success. Rocky has almost none of the resources but uses what he has to get unexpected results. Conversely Apollo has all of the resources and barely gets the minimum expected. These may be fictitious characters but these stories play out in the real world everyday. Possibly even in your own life.

Now that you have a definition for success. Take it, use it, run with it. Measure yourself against it. Are you really succeeding or are you beating up on the U8 team because it’s easy? With the resources that you have at your disposal, are you living above or below that line? Recognition is the first step to moving in a new direction. Then put on the gloves and start swinging.

Fight the good fight people!

Pete