Tag: humanity

Blogpost, self-reliance

Would Life Be Better Without, “The Hand Of God”?

Pete Huryk

If you clicked on this post for a religious discussion, you won’t find it here! (Unless you consider soccer/football a religious endeavor) The question is about the influence of technology within the game. If VAR had existed in 1986, the “Hand of God” goal would have been disallowed. While on its face, this could be seen as a positive, especially for English fans. The correct call is made after some deliberation and “justice is done.” Maradona possibly gets a card for deliberately handling the ball. The result of the game is another stepping stone but nothing that endures through the ages.

As we progress into a world where technology is ever more pervasive, the question needs to be asked whether we’re gaining or losing. Some of this, I’m sure, is marked by my own nostalgia. Having grown up without the internet and many of our modern advances, I long for a world of imperfection. I’d rather a player and their fans be able to celebrate a goal in the moment rather than waiting for verification. “Getting it right” requires precision and the razor’s edge that is the difference between a goal or not can be maddening. It’s almost inhuman.

While my nostalgia for days long past may be strong, it does not have the strength to put the technological genie back into the bottle. Since we’re probably not going back, it might be worth it to notice with more fervor, the times when we’re truly being human. Our imperfections on full display. The joy of the moment without the pressure of perfection.

As you go through this and every day, there are innumerable opportunities for us to seize a moment that will stay with us forever. It probably won’t be planned in an app or edited by Chatgpt. Your abilities will be met with opportunity and magic will happen. It won’t be perfect but it will be worth remembering!

Golazo!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Take Care of the First Person

Pete Huryk

As a language teacher, I talk regularly about first, second and third person. Invariably, I start the initial conversation by asking “who is the first person in your life? The one person who you cannot get rid of? They will be there every moment of every day of your life?” Because I’m dealing with young people who have a limited view of their own lives, I often get answers like “my mom”, “my sister”, “my dad”, etc. Eventually the obviousness of the question sets in. The answer is yourself! The only person who will be there every day of your life is you.

Best of friends ready to travel together.

Despite the fact that the only person that each of us will deal with consistently, many people struggle with their inner relationship. Imagine having a roommate and talking to him or her, the way that you talk inside of your own head. The number of times that you’ve mentally berated yourself for a mistake or just for being who you are. It’s incomprehensible that I would ever treat other people the way that I’ve treated myself mentally at times. A roommate definitely would have moved out by now.

So pay attention to the relationship that you have with the “first person.” Take some things off the table. Excessive negativity or particular word patterns. Bring a freshness to the relationship that you have with yourself. Think about the times that you’ve called or texted a friend from out of the blue to express your gratitude for them. Do the same for yourself. Find ways to recognize yourself internally. You would do it for a friend. Why wouldn’t you do it for you?

You’re the best! (And so am I!)

Pete

Blogpost, SoccerLifeBalance

“I Can’t Respect a Man Who Doesn’t Drink Beer!”

Pete Huryk
Salisbury 1994

It was slurred and almost incoherent but that was the message that a teammate relayed to me during my freshman year soccer season. I’m not exactly sure what the message was intended to do. Was I supposed to change my ways and start drinking at that moment? Was I supposed to be hurt by the lack of respect that I was getting from him? I’m not sure but the message was emphatic and clear (well, minus the slurring.)

There are bound to be people out there who have a completely different worldview to you. Their up is your down and your right is their wrong. The easiest thing in the world is to dismiss their thoughts. Or even worse, dismiss them completely. It takes absolutely no effort. Curiosity about how they came to their conclusions takes effort. A conversation about it would be uncomfortable. And acknowledging any validity to their stance might undermine your self-image. It’s just easier to dismiss or even hate.

It’s easier but it probably doesn’t make anything better. We need people on this team. The entire system works better if we’re all heading in a similar direction. And the dynamic tension between opposing ideas often helps us get to a better solution. Beer drinkers and non-beer drinkers can coexist to find a better way forward. Actually, it’s the only way forward.

Together!

Pete

Blogpost, posh, self-reliance

POSH OTJ Training Under the Spotlight

Pete Huryk

This week is an opportunity for the young POSH squad to perform under the spotlight. Wrexham on Saturday brings extra attention due to their owners and media attention. Having been at the Sunderland match years ago when they were doing their docuseries, it’s easy for a match to end up on the cutting room floor because it doesn’t fit the narrative of the show. Then the trip to Liverpool in order to play Everton brings a very real amount of attention due to the magic of the FA Cup. The problem that most people have with the spotlight is the prospect of “failure”. It’s why public speaking is often feared at a near death level. Mistakes are a part of life but when they are public, they can be crushing. But it’s all practice… erm… I mean training.

Father vs Son Rivalry too!

My son and I won’t be at Goodison for this one

but we’ll be watching!

This season is all about “on the job” training. Players are being asked to perform at levels with consistency before they’re really ready. This is a tall order. Thousands of people watching and every moment being scrutinized can cause chinks in the armor of the most confident person. This week will accentuate that situation. Extra cameras, extra pressure, extra scrutiny, extra stakes and extra opportunity to learn.

In my first year, and I believe my first week, as a teacher, I was talking about the assignment for the day. I kept switching between referring to the paper as a sheet, then ditto, sheet, ditto, then it came out “shitto”. In a room of 26 sixth graders, they thought this was hilarious and burst out laughing. I just had to move on. Just like every career in the world, OTJ training is where you learn the most. Four years of college, seminars about teaching, student teaching experiences, lesson planning, etc. NEVER had the concept of cursing in front kids when I was the adult had ever entered my mind. These mistakes need to happen because you’re not ready for everything yet. None of us is “born ready”. We’re all born naked and afraid. Yet we press on.

The POSH young guns are not performing consistently at the moment. They’re naked and many are afraid. They weren’t born/bought ready. On the job training is the only way for them to get past it. It’s the best way for them to learn. In the arena! Performers are in there. Just not consistent performers yet. I hope that it’s this week in the spotlight they find the determination to keep their nerve and concentration for 90+ minutes. While most people fear the spotlight because they anticipate the fall, those who dare to be great want the spotlight to see them take off into flight!

Fly you fools!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Stars on the Ground

Pete Huryk

This morning, I was walking my dog. In the freezing temperature, the grass was covered with frost. With the moon shining down, the frost twinkled as if there were hundreds of stars on the ground. It’s not an odd occurrence. In the wintertime, this same set of circumstances probably happens hundreds of times. For some reason, it caught my eye and made me think about people. The stars on the ground weren’t the bright producers of light in the sky. They were just a reflection! People often do the same thing. They don’t shine with the brilliance to be seen from a distance. They’re a dim reflection of possibility.

This is not a finger wagging post, saying that we all should be burning brightly. That’s a tall order. The amount of energy and circumstances needed to make a real star or a human kind are numerous. So if that’s your ambition, by all means, I’m neither encouraging nor discouraging that level fire. Quite to the contrary, I want to put the attention to the stars on the ground. The normal ones that happen often.

Despite the fact that they are semi-ordinary, they are still beautiful. I’m talking about both the reflective bits of ice and the people in this world. You probably know some of them or might be one of them. The people who make the world… your world just a little bit better. They shine at times when it’s needed. They shine when it’s unexpected. They probably also shine when they’re not sure if they can anymore. These everyday creators of magic are all around us!

If you notice one today, take a moment and let them know. The stars in the sky are far beyond our reach. They’ll never know we were here gazing up at them. The stars on the ground are well within our reach!

Shine on!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Old Kids On The Block

Pete Huryk

At the height of their popularity, I had no choice but to listen to the New Kids on the Block. Not only were they pervasive on radio and MTV, my girlfriend at the time was a huge fan. Their catchy tunes and “boyish” good looks were a recipe for success at the time. If we fast forward to the present day, I’m sure that the members look at their former selves and feel at least a twinge of embarrassment. Either the clothes, the hair, the songs, the videos, or any other part of their success could definitely feel a little cringy. Back track a few words! That’s right. Success! They were a worldwide phenomena and there are still reasons to look back with a bit of embarrassment.

We’ve all done it at one point or another. Looked back at a photo, video or older version of ourselves and think “Oh my God! What was I thinking?” It was just a moment in time. Hairstyles, clothing choices, relationships, etc. can all cause a twinge of discomfort with what used to be so natural.

If we come back to the present moment, there are bound to be things that you are doing now that your future self will gasp at. It’s an inevitability! So why not press a bit harder on that button. At the moment, there are probably things that you’re not doing because of a certain amount of embarrassment. Asking out that person, starting a business, asking for a promotion, or a number of other things could be put to the back burner because you don’t want to look foolish now. There’s going to be a certain amount of the present you that embarrasses future you but there is a feeling worse than that… REGRET!

Embarrassment is not an overly strong emotion. It tends to fade pretty quickly. Regret tends to linger. It’s the long term price that you pay for not acting in the moment. It corrodes because there is a gnawing feeling that things could have been different. If you’re willing to become immune to embarrassment, maybe you’ll be able to avoid regret. It won’t be easy but you can take it “Step by Step”.

No regrets!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, Uncategorized

One Way and Two Way Doors

Pete Huryk

From time to time, I delve back into old video games for a stress reliever (or procrastination tool). One of my favorite throwbacks is the original “Legend of Zelda”. It’s familiar with a few challenges along the way. Especially in the later levels, some doors are two way and others are one way doors. Meaning that some doors you can go through and decide to turn back (two way doors) while others once you’re through, you can’t go back (one way). In quite a few instances, going through the wrong one way door can force you onto a long path to get back to the same spot. Needless to say, recognizing the difference between one way and two way doors is crucial to success.

Recently, I listened to an episode of Impact Theory with one of the founders of Netflix who talked about this concept in business. Even though he was looking at it from a business context, it’s a powerful concept to use in life. Some doors are one way doors and you can never come back.

The problem is not the fact that one way doors exist. More often it’s our inability (unwillingness) to recognize one way doors before we walk through them. That decision to cheat, say a hurtful thing, take that extra drink, not send the message, etc. can all be one way doors because you can’t get back. The unseen (or not respected) consequences are looming out there. Even though we may not want them, we invite them in through our own actions. And just like Zelda, often by the time that you realize it’s a one way door, it’s too late! My general disposition in this world is a positive one. So, I want to offer up a more proactive spin on one way doors because two way doors already inherently have a “get back” quality.

The other thing that is possible is to create one way doors for yourself. Having the self-discipline to go in a direction and never look back. People do it all the time for positive reasons. Turning their back on alcohol, drugs, sweets or other anchoring forces. Recognizing this ability is extremely powerful. Being a creator of one way doors means that you have self-control. The ability to say something and stand by it. Being a person who can keep their commitments, not just to other people but to yourself. That means that you’re not a victim of circumstances but rather a creator of circumstances. It becomes much easier to navigate life when you know what you will and will not do.

There are thousands (possibly millions) of opportunities in front of you. How you will proceed is up to you. Not every door is a two way door. So before you leap through that opening, look at where it will take you and maybe look at who you’ll be after you step through. You’re always the product that you’re working on and you’re on the adventure of a lifetime! Your lifetime!

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The 8th Grade Sway

Pete Huryk

Quite possibly the easiest dance in the world because it’s not really dancing. It’s standing in front of someone that you may or may not like and leaning in one direction then the other. After that, there’s some variation possible. The counterclockwise turn as you sway was my specialty. Holding the person close or at a distance was based on the relationship. There was one guy that I knew in high school who would hold his girlfriend close and just stand!?!?! So foolish but he was a football star, so no one ever called him on it. The dance itself was never the problem. It was the asking!

Times have changed and I’m not sure if slow dancing even happens anymore at school events. The emotional turmoil caused by rejection may be just too much for kids to deal with. Or is it exactly what they need? A cultural situation centered around low stakes instances of discomfort. The asking, being asked, rejecting, being rejected, hoping, having hopes dashed, dancing for 3 minutes with a person that you wish hadn’t asked, dancing for 3 minutes with that person that you know is out of your league but said yes anyway, etc. are all scaffolding toward those higher stakes moments. Perhaps it’s just the phase of life that I’m in but it feels like younger people are missing out. And obviously the reintroduction of this right of passage would prompt the creation of an app that would cut out the discomfort again, like Bumble or Hinge but for kids at a dance. I’m totally joking but also wouldn’t be surprised.

With all that I’ve heard in the past few years about decreases in intimate relationships among the younger generations, it feels like we’re missing out. Not on the 8th grade sway because let’s be honest, there are far better dances. It’s all of the other things that come along with real human interactions. People need to learn to be kind, put themselves out there, display confidence in the face of rejection and so many other soft skills. These may not solve all of what is ailing society but divorcing ourselves completely from risk of real interaction isn’t either. Maybe robot girlfriends and boyfriends (or botfriends?) are the answer going forward but my last century brain can’t get there yet.

For now at least, I’d love to see us putting ourselves back out there in a meaningful way. Asking out of true interest because finding that person who sways with you perfectly is a great feeling. But you’ll never know until you take the chance to cross the floor and ask!

Sway away!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Finding The Path

Pete Huryk

For the most part, finding the right path is not usually overly difficult. The things that are wanted by most people exist along an at least partially known path. Six pack abs, financial security, emotional well-being, good relationships, etc. If most people are asked, they have a directional idea of how to get to these things. The problem is not finding or knowing the path, it’s following the path consistently.

It’s easier when it’s someone else! We see the problem, the solution and all of the steps along the path in between. But as soon as it is our own lives, we get tripped up. The path seems less obvious. There are all of these things in the way! Plus the electromagnetic pull of the way that we’ve always done things! What happened to the easy solutions that you saw for everyone else? They’re still there, just covered by a layer of our own “stuff”.

Some stuff is easier to ignore or brush away than other stuff. The path is independent of what’s covering it up. It leads where it leads. Your stuff is going to push you in directions that may not help you. This is not to diminish the difficulties that people face. Some people have an avalanche’s worth of stuff that may require a lot of digging but that doesn’t change the path. It’s there under all of that rubble. The decision simply comes down to getting to the destination or not. It’s simple but not easy!!!

“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!” – Morpheus

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Mic Drop Moments

Pete Huryk

It’s a beautiful thought isn’t it? You do something that leaves people in awe and there’s nothing left to be said! The number of times that I’ve had that in life are few and far between. The one that inspired this post involved a cornhole set and two kids who had never played before. I walked up as they missed the plank repeatedly. I asked for a bean bag and put it in the hole first throw. Mic dropped!

Most of the time we don’t get that perfect moment of success. Instead we imagine that other mic drop, where the mic is fumbled out of hand and a pitiful form of the self crawls on the stage floor in front of thousands trying to regrasp it. This mic drop is probably less likely than the first. Our mistakes are magnified in our heads and we think that “everyone” is watching.

Both mic drop moments represent an extreme where we only live briefly, if at all. Most of the time, the microphone is meant to be in hand. It’s supposed to be a tool that turns the volume up on the voice that we have. Sometimes we’re repeating the golden oldies that have been our staple since grade school. Other times we’re trying out new material that might not work. Regardless, we’re an artist putting ourselves out there.

So keep hold of the mic and belt it out as best you can. The mic drop moments don’t matter as much as what you put out into the world. It’s the performance beforehand that created the opportunity for the drop anyway. So just keep going!

MC stands for Master of Ceremonies!

Pete