Tag: humanity

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Old Kids On The Block

Pete Huryk

At the height of their popularity, I had no choice but to listen to the New Kids on the Block. Not only were they pervasive on radio and MTV, my girlfriend at the time was a huge fan. Their catchy tunes and “boyish” good looks were a recipe for success at the time. If we fast forward to the present day, I’m sure that the members look at their former selves and feel at least a twinge of embarrassment. Either the clothes, the hair, the songs, the videos, or any other part of their success could definitely feel a little cringy. Back track a few words! That’s right. Success! They were a worldwide phenomena and there are still reasons to look back with a bit of embarrassment.

We’ve all done it at one point or another. Looked back at a photo, video or older version of ourselves and think “Oh my God! What was I thinking?” It was just a moment in time. Hairstyles, clothing choices, relationships, etc. can all cause a twinge of discomfort with what used to be so natural.

If we come back to the present moment, there are bound to be things that you are doing now that your future self will gasp at. It’s an inevitability! So why not press a bit harder on that button. At the moment, there are probably things that you’re not doing because of a certain amount of embarrassment. Asking out that person, starting a business, asking for a promotion, or a number of other things could be put to the back burner because you don’t want to look foolish now. There’s going to be a certain amount of the present you that embarrasses future you but there is a feeling worse than that… REGRET!

Embarrassment is not an overly strong emotion. It tends to fade pretty quickly. Regret tends to linger. It’s the long term price that you pay for not acting in the moment. It corrodes because there is a gnawing feeling that things could have been different. If you’re willing to become immune to embarrassment, maybe you’ll be able to avoid regret. It won’t be easy but you can take it “Step by Step”.

No regrets!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance, Uncategorized

One Way and Two Way Doors

Pete Huryk

From time to time, I delve back into old video games for a stress reliever (or procrastination tool). One of my favorite throwbacks is the original “Legend of Zelda”. It’s familiar with a few challenges along the way. Especially in the later levels, some doors are two way and others are one way doors. Meaning that some doors you can go through and decide to turn back (two way doors) while others once you’re through, you can’t go back (one way). In quite a few instances, going through the wrong one way door can force you onto a long path to get back to the same spot. Needless to say, recognizing the difference between one way and two way doors is crucial to success.

Recently, I listened to an episode of Impact Theory with one of the founders of Netflix who talked about this concept in business. Even though he was looking at it from a business context, it’s a powerful concept to use in life. Some doors are one way doors and you can never come back.

The problem is not the fact that one way doors exist. More often it’s our inability (unwillingness) to recognize one way doors before we walk through them. That decision to cheat, say a hurtful thing, take that extra drink, not send the message, etc. can all be one way doors because you can’t get back. The unseen (or not respected) consequences are looming out there. Even though we may not want them, we invite them in through our own actions. And just like Zelda, often by the time that you realize it’s a one way door, it’s too late! My general disposition in this world is a positive one. So, I want to offer up a more proactive spin on one way doors because two way doors already inherently have a “get back” quality.

The other thing that is possible is to create one way doors for yourself. Having the self-discipline to go in a direction and never look back. People do it all the time for positive reasons. Turning their back on alcohol, drugs, sweets or other anchoring forces. Recognizing this ability is extremely powerful. Being a creator of one way doors means that you have self-control. The ability to say something and stand by it. Being a person who can keep their commitments, not just to other people but to yourself. That means that you’re not a victim of circumstances but rather a creator of circumstances. It becomes much easier to navigate life when you know what you will and will not do.

There are thousands (possibly millions) of opportunities in front of you. How you will proceed is up to you. Not every door is a two way door. So before you leap through that opening, look at where it will take you and maybe look at who you’ll be after you step through. You’re always the product that you’re working on and you’re on the adventure of a lifetime! Your lifetime!

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The 8th Grade Sway

Pete Huryk

Quite possibly the easiest dance in the world because it’s not really dancing. It’s standing in front of someone that you may or may not like and leaning in one direction then the other. After that, there’s some variation possible. The counterclockwise turn as you sway was my specialty. Holding the person close or at a distance was based on the relationship. There was one guy that I knew in high school who would hold his girlfriend close and just stand!?!?! So foolish but he was a football star, so no one ever called him on it. The dance itself was never the problem. It was the asking!

Times have changed and I’m not sure if slow dancing even happens anymore at school events. The emotional turmoil caused by rejection may be just too much for kids to deal with. Or is it exactly what they need? A cultural situation centered around low stakes instances of discomfort. The asking, being asked, rejecting, being rejected, hoping, having hopes dashed, dancing for 3 minutes with a person that you wish hadn’t asked, dancing for 3 minutes with that person that you know is out of your league but said yes anyway, etc. are all scaffolding toward those higher stakes moments. Perhaps it’s just the phase of life that I’m in but it feels like younger people are missing out. And obviously the reintroduction of this right of passage would prompt the creation of an app that would cut out the discomfort again, like Bumble or Hinge but for kids at a dance. I’m totally joking but also wouldn’t be surprised.

With all that I’ve heard in the past few years about decreases in intimate relationships among the younger generations, it feels like we’re missing out. Not on the 8th grade sway because let’s be honest, there are far better dances. It’s all of the other things that come along with real human interactions. People need to learn to be kind, put themselves out there, display confidence in the face of rejection and so many other soft skills. These may not solve all of what is ailing society but divorcing ourselves completely from risk of real interaction isn’t either. Maybe robot girlfriends and boyfriends (or botfriends?) are the answer going forward but my last century brain can’t get there yet.

For now at least, I’d love to see us putting ourselves back out there in a meaningful way. Asking out of true interest because finding that person who sways with you perfectly is a great feeling. But you’ll never know until you take the chance to cross the floor and ask!

Sway away!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Finding The Path

Pete Huryk

For the most part, finding the right path is not usually overly difficult. The things that are wanted by most people exist along an at least partially known path. Six pack abs, financial security, emotional well-being, good relationships, etc. If most people are asked, they have a directional idea of how to get to these things. The problem is not finding or knowing the path, it’s following the path consistently.

It’s easier when it’s someone else! We see the problem, the solution and all of the steps along the path in between. But as soon as it is our own lives, we get tripped up. The path seems less obvious. There are all of these things in the way! Plus the electromagnetic pull of the way that we’ve always done things! What happened to the easy solutions that you saw for everyone else? They’re still there, just covered by a layer of our own “stuff”.

Some stuff is easier to ignore or brush away than other stuff. The path is independent of what’s covering it up. It leads where it leads. Your stuff is going to push you in directions that may not help you. This is not to diminish the difficulties that people face. Some people have an avalanche’s worth of stuff that may require a lot of digging but that doesn’t change the path. It’s there under all of that rubble. The decision simply comes down to getting to the destination or not. It’s simple but not easy!!!

“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!” – Morpheus

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Mic Drop Moments

Pete Huryk

It’s a beautiful thought isn’t it? You do something that leaves people in awe and there’s nothing left to be said! The number of times that I’ve had that in life are few and far between. The one that inspired this post involved a cornhole set and two kids who had never played before. I walked up as they missed the plank repeatedly. I asked for a bean bag and put it in the hole first throw. Mic dropped!

Most of the time we don’t get that perfect moment of success. Instead we imagine that other mic drop, where the mic is fumbled out of hand and a pitiful form of the self crawls on the stage floor in front of thousands trying to regrasp it. This mic drop is probably less likely than the first. Our mistakes are magnified in our heads and we think that “everyone” is watching.

Both mic drop moments represent an extreme where we only live briefly, if at all. Most of the time, the microphone is meant to be in hand. It’s supposed to be a tool that turns the volume up on the voice that we have. Sometimes we’re repeating the golden oldies that have been our staple since grade school. Other times we’re trying out new material that might not work. Regardless, we’re an artist putting ourselves out there.

So keep hold of the mic and belt it out as best you can. The mic drop moments don’t matter as much as what you put out into the world. It’s the performance beforehand that created the opportunity for the drop anyway. So just keep going!

MC stands for Master of Ceremonies!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lifetime Guarantee

Pete Huryk

There are so many different ways to look at this two word combination.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” is the girl and the guy who seem diametrically opposed at the beginning of the movie will end up together. It’s predictable and trite but satisfying to their base viewership.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” that many companies made is that the thing you bought will work as long as you own it. There’s usually a bunch of fine print that comes along with it. And for the most part, the seller is hoping that you’ll forget that they guaranteed anything. They want you to feel happy at the time of purchase and them to feel happy after that.

I’m not willing to make either of those guarantees. They both seem slightly dishonest. That’s what makes guarantees so tricky. There are so many variables in any situation that guaranteeing anything is akin to gambling. So I’m going to put the most blunt thing first and build out from there.

The first “Lifetime Guarantee” is that you’re going to die! Whoa! Dark… Morbid… Whatever! It’s a fact that we need to embrace to make moments matter. Infinite things have no value. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

Life is going to have different times. That I can guarantee. There will be seasons to everyone’s life. Expecting today and tomorrow to be the same is foolhardy. While we can hope for good or better times, it’s usually on us to adjust our sails rather than expect favorable winds.

The time of your life may not take a lifetime to find. I cannot guarantee this. This is one of those variable situations. At some point in your life, you’re going to have the time of your life but you’re not going to know that because a better time could be on the horizon. So balancing optimistic search with recognition and gratitude is a skill that must be developed. If that day on the playground in first grade was as good as it’s going to get, then why bother? Great things need to be in front of us and we need to have evidence that supports that hope.

Your lifetime belongs to you. I guarantee it. Waiting for someone else to come in and overhaul it to your specifications is guaranteed not to work. Your life and your time are two of the resources that you have at your disposal. Use them both to make the other better. In time your life is going to run out, we talked about it earlier. So waiting to start living your life makes no sense. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Teddy Roosevelt. I’d add in “with the ones you love (when possible)”

Guarantees are few in this life. So use your time wisely!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Whose Job Is It?

Pete Huryk

In mid April on a Sunday afternoon in 2007, I had a great day! My son’s first birthday party was a collection of family, friends, presents and positivity for the future. It wasn’t perfection but it was pretty great! The next day changed all of that for a while. On the campus of Virginia Tech, the worst side of humanity reared its ugly head and it sent me spiraling. Perhaps it was only the proximity of the two events that caused the issue but I was overrun with guilt. How could I bring a child into a world where that type of hate was possible? For about two months, I was in the closest thing that I can equate to a depression. Eventually, the thing that preceded the downturn got me out of it, my son. No matter what had happened, I had a responsibility to show up for him. Not only to protect him from things until was able to take that on himself but to be a force for good. The world was not inherently evil or good. I had the opportunity to “color” the world through my actions.

So I pose the very ambiguous question again. Whose job is it? Whose job is it to make sure that I show up as the best version of myself today? The answer is simple and we all know it, it’s mine! It also comes linked with a word that many people don’t like, RESPONSIBILITY. It’s a daunting word but let’s break it down. Response ability, the ability to respond (not react) to a situation.

It’s that major ingredient that is the base for our progress as people. I needed to take it when I had a one year old son despite my guilt. Even Billy Madison, the buffoon who needed to repeat school to prove to dad he wasn’t a fool, understood responsibility. “You don’t just look for an hour and call it quits! You get your a$$ out there and find that f—-ing dog!”

Now that it’s pretty certain whose job it is, embrace it! The best version of you is available. Lean into it. When you fall short, respond with another attempt. The people around you need a great version of you whenever they can get it.

Peace! I’m outta here!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pillow Forts

Pete Huryk
Washing the covers to my couch cushions and got inspired!

They’re the beautiful architecture of children usually! It’s a beauty that’s not really found in the craftsmanship because the material are haphazard and stability almost nonexistent. The key ingredient to the beauty of a pillow fort is the belief of its builder. The imagination and wonder that goes into something so flimsy… so temporary. Yet they love it because it’s theirs and it took the mundane and made it magical!

At certain point, we stop making pillow forts. Not because we lack the time or materials but rather the imagination. We see only utility and not possibility. The function and the thing become one until our world is filled with single use items.

We’re all pillow forts! Temporary structures that were born out of imagination and love. Perhaps today is a great day to get that magic back! Breathe life back into that thing that you know won’t last forever but maybe you can see it anew. Re-envision it with a childlike joy!

Or wait ‘til it falls apart or a single purpose person tears it back down to its most basic form.

Both are a choice! And now you’re probably old enough to make it on your own!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You’re Stronger Than This!

Pete Huryk

Honestly that’s not the real quote! The line from the movie goes “You’re faster than this, don’t think you are. Know you are!” Mentally combined with the scene where Neo faces off with Agent Smith in the subway station, it’s my “go to” imagery when I’m lifting a heavy weight. While I could be tempting fate slightly by putting so much stock into the mental side of a very physical act, I still believe that it’s important.

Everything traces itself back to the mind! We tend to believe that we live in a physical world and sure, we do. But it is all interpreted through the mind. So the sensations of those very physical acts get relayed through the body and interpreted by the mind. It’s not a one way street though. There needs to be an impetus for action. And if you don’t believe that the floor is going to hold you up when you step onto it, you’re stuck! The world is giving us feedback and that can shape our beliefs but does not dictate them. There’s more to it. We have choice!

What have you chosen to believe in the past? What do you believe now? What beliefs do you need to adopt in order to get you where you want to go? These are important questions to ask and consider the answer. One of my favorite sayings (that I believe I coined) “Don’t assume you’re weak because you haven’t found your strength yet.” In it lies the problem that so many people face. They doubt the existence of their own strength because it’s not obvious like the powers of Superman or they’ve not been anointed the “One” like Neo. It’s a two way street of belief and feedback that need to coalesce into suspension bridge that can support the weight of our endeavor. It’s not as simple as we’d like it to be but it’s not impossible either.

You’re stronger than this! Don’t think you are. KNOW you are!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

None Of It Is Easy

Pete Huryk

Staring down a deadline that I set for myself to write something by 11pm. Here it is 10:49 and several drafts in the technological trash. Yet I persist! Chances are that this won’t be the best piece of writing that I’ve ever produced. That’s ok! The point isn’t to get your best each time. It’s showing up again and taking a swing. Because none of it is easy.

While our search for easier situations has largely led to just different hard circumstances, we seem to insist that easy is out there somewhere. That something of value can be received with little effort and no long term cost. I’m not sure that I’m buying it anymore. None of it is easy!

But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be joyous, exciting, moving and life altering as well. It’s just that none of it is easy. So tomorrow by 11pm, another piece of writing will be showing up here and none of that will be easy. But I’m looking forward to it because basically that’s the only way we can truly look.

Onward, Forward!

Pete