Tag: experiences

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lurking in the Shadows

Pete Huryk

Right before dusk, I started a walk down a path in a park. I knew it was going to get dark before I made it to my destination and back but I went anyway. As the darkness set in the trees and bushes that lined the path lost their detail and became shadow. Perhaps it is the lack of visual stimuli that heightens our sense of hearing in the dark or it’s a prehistoric defense mechanism. Regardless, I heard basically every sound that came from the trees and bushes. In this particular spot, more than likely all that was lurking in the shadows was some squirrels and possibly a groundhog. Despite that fact, I was very aware that I wasn’t “alone”. The shadows conceal so many things. Most of them mean us no harm but since we can’t identify them easily, it’s easy to fear the worst. The simple answer for my stroll through the park is to go earlier. The more complex problem is that there are things lurking in the shadows at all times.

We’re all carrying around things that are not put in the spotlight. On a subconscious level, we know that they’re there but either can’t access them or don’t want to. Often they are brought out into the open by circumstance or mistake. I don’t really think that our psychological baggage is out to get us. More often than not, the idea is to protect us from something by hanging out on the periphery. When it gets brought into the light though, it needs to be dealt with in some way. The first options of fight, flight or freeze are available and probably end with the issue returning to the shadows and not much changes. Curiosity and gratitude are great antidotes to so many negative emotions. Obviously a bear sized issue may require professional assistance. However even then, this is your life! Scars, pock marks and all! If there is an entire shadow world where you just don’t go, that’s choice to be made. However, it might be worth a look to see if there is some real estate that you want to develop.

Seeing past our own worldview and problems is extremely difficult. When the dust of the past gets kicked up in your face, it’s easy to get disoriented and act rashly. Perhaps sweeping up some of that dust from the past is the next step. The mental image that i have is of my brother working at the garbage company where we both worked. His job one summer was to sweep up the dust from the dirt parking lot. A broom, shop vac and other things were used. It was hilarious! Unfortunately his daily slog was not fun and gained him the nickname “Dusty”. Regardless of what you do with the dust, it belongs to you. You can leave it alone with the knowledge that it may get kicked up again. Shadows, dust, caves, closets, etc. there are so many places to hide things from ourselves. I don’t know that we can clean it all up but there’s certainly some work that could be done.

Shine the light on some of those shadows!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pushing Too Hard

Pete Huryk

Today I’m feeling the pain of pushing too hard. Not sure if anyone ever really means to do it. Getting caught up in the moment is easy to do. Dialing it back should be an easy thing to do but often the easy things are hard. Doing more feels like progress until something snaps. At that point, it’s too late!

Progress is not usually an instantaneous thing and forcing results is not a winning strategy. Knowing it and living it are two different things. If we got results based on what we know, everyone would have six pack abs and perfect relationships. Unfortunately that’s not how it works. We get results based on our consistent actions and as humans, we fuck up a lot! It’s unavoidable but we just need to keep going.

So today begins the process of recovery and learning. Lick the wounds and try to be smarter next time. Slow and steady needs to be my mantra for a while. The turtle gets where he’s going too and probably doesn’t pull any muscles along the way.

Blogpost, self-reliance

Crossing the Double Yellow

Pete Huryk

Recently my city has been doing curbside brush pickup. A large truck with a mechanical arm lumbers along slowly picking up branches and bushes that people have left in front of their house. Unfortunately I only seem to encounter the truck on blind curves where crossing over into the other lane in perilous. The conundrum is whether to take the chance or play it safe? There’s a possibility that you get past the truck unscathed and move onto the next part of the day. Or you go head to head with a garbage truck who never saw you coming.

This is much of what we must confront in life. There are simple actions with predictable outcomes because we’ve done them before. Although predictability is extremely valuable, it is just that “predictable”. Excitement and bigger rewards do not come from the predictable. They are usually linked with some form of risk. Perhaps it is simply the risk of self-perception or some other mentally contrived model. Or maybe it is true risk of injury or death. Regardless of which it is, they tend to feel semi-similar. We’ve been wounded hundreds of times but never bled. We’ve died a thousand deaths but our heart never stopped beating. Our anguish is created and executed by nothing more than an electrical signal across a tiny synapse.

In the world of traffic and oncoming traffic, I’m a “play it safe” kind of guy. Unfortunately in the internal world, I’ve painted myself into corners at times with double yellow lines. The pain that I protected myself from would most likely have been short-lived. However it would have been “real” to me. So I hedged, balked, squirmed, cowered and ducked away from those opportunities. I can’t say for sure that I won’t again. But I’ve got it in my head right now that most of those lines are meaningless. So I’m going to test them out and hope that I don’t get a garbage truck in the face! More than likely, the worst that will happen is I’ll get some egg on it!

Let go!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lesser Known Heroes

Pete Huryk

The “Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman” eventually breaks out of the neighborhood, becomes an Avenger and travels to space. There was a certain point at which only people from a small locality knew about him. If he had stayed small time, would his contributions have been less or just less well known? It’s a question of scale but do lesser known heroes, matter less? The likelihood of any of us having a global impact is pretty low. However, we all can have an individual impact at any moment. So perhaps it’s not scale but consistency that matters.

With so many of the things that we do in life, the opportunity for impact comes in almost direct proportion to frequency. Breathing, heart pumping, showing up, exercising, and so many other activities gain traction and get exponential returns based on their consistency. There is the possibility of overdoing it but most people tend to err on the side of never rather than too much.

So taking those two ideas and melding them together gives opportunity. Doing good for the masses is probably not happening and neither is the big ticket item of saving the world from cataclysm. The opportunity does exist for each of us to do our own small bit to help those who are within our reach. Perhaps that may even mean regularly saving yourself from yourself (yep, that’s a thing). Lesser known heroes are not any less important. They help to keep the world from falling into the pervasive chaos that no Avenger could handle. So whether you think of yourself as a hero or not, suit up and get to work. The world needs you! Ok maybe not the entire world, but definitely YOUR world!

Hero up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pay Attention!

Pete Huryk

This morning on my run, I was posting one of my typical Instagram videos. As I was walking, I heard a hissing. At that moment, I looked up from my phone and there was a goose accosting me for being too close to its chicks. By all means, I was in the wrong and should have been more aware of my surroundings. Sad to say, it happened again about a quarter mile down the path. A teenage girl with blue hair was off to the side with her pet lizard but I did not see them until I was about to pass by.

On a normal day, I would not have thought too much of these events. Luckily a friend introduced me to a documentary on Netflix called “My Octopus Teacher”. It’s the story of a man who visits the same site in the ocean for almost a year and “befriends” an octopus. In the beginning, he is less than perfect at reading the clues left behind and how to relate to the creature. Over time he understands what to pay attention to and just how much he had to learn from another life form.

Our world has a tendency to be so very loud and “in your face” that we often lose subtle or even not so subtle details. I know that I’ve bungled this majorly in recent weeks. It’s so easy to become enamored with your own perspective, objectives or desires that all details are lost. Therefore we end up with only a partial version of the world. We are always working with less information than is available but often the loudest signals are not the most important. Filtering that which is coming in becomes the paramount skill.

As I will say to my students from time to time, “it doesn’t take any cash to pay attention.” It looks like I need to heed my own advice. There is a full and beautiful world out there with subtlety that someone could spend a lifetime on. That type of beauty tends to get lost when we’re racing to the next thing. We can’t take it all in but figuring out what matters to us and paying attention to it is crucial!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Butterflies Are Coming Back

Pete Huryk

Although some species of butterflies have a lifecycle that spans the winter, I tend to link them with spring. This morning I saw the first caterpillar of the season crawling along to find a place to chrysalis or cocoon. In a short amount time, it will turn into a butterfly and flap its wings merrily for the delight of onlookers.

Many of us have gone through a long winter (either literally or figuratively). It’s completely understandable to lose hope that it would ever end. When everything is barren for so long, seeing the next stage can be difficult if not impossible. Bundling up inside of a cocoon might seem like the right kind of idea and perhaps it is. Regardless of how one copes with the darkness of a season, remember that the butterflies are coming back! Those opportunities to see life in all of its beautiful splendor are only a short time away. They may seem to be moving at a caterpillar’s pace and maybe they are. Nature and so many other things cannot be forced to move any faster than their own speed.

So don’t lose heart! The butterflies are coming and it’s more than likely that they’ll be worth the wait. The most precious things in life usually are.

“I think I’m scared, Do I talk too much?”

Pete

Blogpost, posh

Locked Out

Pete Huryk

In a world where we can communicate with anyone globally in an instant, it’s odd to think that we have trouble reaching ourselves. It is almost as if our freedom of communication with others has locked us out of reaching inside as freely. For years now, I’ve suggested to people that they not sleep near their device nor use it for the first 30 minutes of the day. The reason for this is to allow time to decide your own priorities before the feed from your Insta, Snap, Twitter, Facebook or even your email gets its claws into you. It’s easy to think that you’re just checking on what’s going on but usually you’re giving up the reigns of your focus to people who may not care much about you.

It’s easy to blame social media or greedy companies that want to usurp your attention and dollars. Unfortunately, that situation isn’t bound to change any time soon. Even before the technological upheaval of the past few decades, people were giving away their attention to the unimportant long before the internet or cellphones came along. To be honest, distraction isn’t even fully what I’m worried about. It’s being locked away from the things that you truly want.

Each of us has potential beyond our reckoning but the things that we allow ourselves to believe as possible are often disappointing. The extreme of this is the “I can’t” that is attached to normal things. “I can’t get in shape!” “I can’t find the time!” “I can’t find get a break!” Language and thought processes lock the person out of something that’s more than likely within their reach. It’s not REALITY. It is just their reality formed from a variety of things. Possibly past experience but more than likely, it is just easier to believe that something is impossible than to try.

So don’t lock yourself out! You have what it takes to do whatever you set your mind to. For now, you need to decide what you want. Then break it down into smaller pieces and give yourself enough reasons to go after it. VCR Most of the prisons that people are living in are self-made and invisible. The bars are nothing more than a lack of vision.

“Grab your things I’m going to take you home!”

Pete

Blogpost

Fill In the Gaps

Pete Huryk

The best ideas are not particularly the most complex. They also don’t particularly need to come from philosophers or physicists. Simple and usable is far better than complex and unattainable. So when considering the best people to ruminate on relationships, the fictitious boxer, Rocky Balboa, is not a name that springs to mind for most. However, in an offhanded comment in a meat freezer, he explains some of why we are drawn to particular people and keep them in our lives.

Paulie: I don’t see it. What’s the attraction?
Rocky: I don’t know. Fills gaps, I guess.
Paulie: What’s ‘gaps’?
Rocky: I dunno, gaps. She’s got gaps, I got gaps. Together, we fill gaps. I dunno.

It’s easy to get distracted by Rocky punching a side of beef after this conversation. However, in this short exchange with his future brother in law, he is profound in his reading of the human condition.

None of us is a perfect person. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Despite the fact that we can’t achieve perfection, most of us look to improve or diversify our experience. Discovering new territory and finding new/unique ways of looking at the world is something that we’re built for. Often it is the people that we surround ourselves with that help pull us forward into the void or push us beyond our comfort zone or makes us feel secure due to their strengths being different. Fill the gaps.

Most relationships don’t last for a lifetime. People come in and out of our lives like seasons. Some last for decades and others for much shorter. It’s important to recognize those people who fill the gaps because no matter how long they are in your life, they’re not here forever. Do your best to be present in the time that you have and be thankful that you had it. Some people are too busy covering up the fact that they have gaps to let anyone in.

Not a perfect person!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Overlap of Heroes

Pete Huryk

It turns out that two of my heroes actually crossed paths. Teddy Roosevelt was presenting at an awards assembly where a young Dr. Seuss was supposed to receive an medal for selling war bonds. Unfortunately for the future author, he was last in line. For some reason there was one award missing. The very brusque former President asked “What’s this boy doing here?” A very embarrassed Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss’ real name) scurried off the stage and developed a fear of making public appearances. It was neither man’s best moment.

The thing about heroes is that we often want to see them a perfect, indestructible or superhuman. They are none of the above and are just as human as the rest of us. Foibles, failures and fractures happen to all human beings regardless of the esteem that they accumulate throughout their lives. Although they feel their own imperfection, the rest of the world tends to heap a status of extraordinary upon them. The part of that word to focus on is the “ordinary”. That’s all that they are with a bit of extra focus, extra care, extra work, extra creativity or extra effort. Otherwise they are just like the rest of us.

It’s so much easier isn’t it? Seeing our heroes as superhuman! That perspective lets us off the hook. If we see that we overlap with them in so many simple ways, perhaps the spectacular is right at our fingertips. Could it be that all we are missing is that little bit extra? Possibly! Maybe the fear isn’t that we’re not as good but that we’re capable of the same and we don’t want the expectation that comes with extraordinary. Whether you want to believe it or not, you overlap with heroes. Can you become your own?

See where extra takes you today!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Drops That Matter

Pete Huryk

In Spanish the idea of “dropping” an item is far less accusatory than it is in English. “Se me cayó” is the way that it can be phrased. The literal translation in English would be “It fell from me.” The blame goes to the item rather than the person. Normally “dropping” an item is an accident and therefore the Spanish version makes more sense. However in this instance, I am going to actually ask that you be deliberate. The drops that I’m going to suggest should be with purpose rather than accidental.

Drop your habits that you know are harming you – This is of course easier said than done. We become attached to our habits whether they serve us or not. Our brains like the idea of a predictable future and habits tend to deliver that. However if you don’t like something in your present, there is probably a habit that you could drop to change things for the better. Just be aware that as people drop something, they tend to pick it back up. Pick up something else!

Drop the people who are holding you back – If you thought that the first one was difficult, this one is even more so. Severing relationships is never easy. Even when we realize that people are counterproductive or even destructive in our lives, letting go is hard. So if you cannot do a full drop, put them at a distance or do your best to reduce their influence over your thoughts and feelings.

Drop some tears – Tears are a double drop because they fall down and they are little bits of water. Although there are times to put on a brave face, tears can be cathartic. They are a release, not just of liquid but of the emotions that often keep us rooted to the past. Drop the tears and possibly the memories that cause them. After the tears, learn to forgive. That doesn’t mean that what happened in now ok. It means that it has happened and you have no ability to change it. However you can moving forward give (forgive) yourself the gift of a life without the burden of the pain. Perhaps you need to forgive an enemy, a friend or even yourself. Regardless of who or what it is, the past was never meant to be an anchor. So drop it!

Drop some sweat! – Again this is a double drop and one that really matters. There’s so many reasons why the sweat might be coming from your brow but hopefully it’s due to some form of work. Lounging your forward is an unlikely remedy to anything. Most things are going to require work and probably a sweat inducing level of it. Your comfort and your conquest probably don’t live in the same zip code and THAT’S OK! It’s possible to enjoy things that create sweat. Labors of love exist and attaching your sweat to them is more than appropriate.

You don’t need to drop everything! But dropping these things intelligently can definitely help. Don’t let your life be an accident that you need to clean up later. Make it a journey that you pick up and drop off things along the way. Most people and things are not going to be with you for the long haul and that’s ok. Just give some thought to the load that you’re carrying.

Dropping anchor!

Pete