Blogpost, self-reliance

Lifetime Guarantee

Pete Huryk

There are so many different ways to look at this two word combination.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” is the girl and the guy who seem diametrically opposed at the beginning of the movie will end up together. It’s predictable and trite but satisfying to their base viewership.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” that many companies made is that the thing you bought will work as long as you own it. There’s usually a bunch of fine print that comes along with it. And for the most part, the seller is hoping that you’ll forget that they guaranteed anything. They want you to feel happy at the time of purchase and them to feel happy after that.

I’m not willing to make either of those guarantees. They both seem slightly dishonest. That’s what makes guarantees so tricky. There are so many variables in any situation that guaranteeing anything is akin to gambling. So I’m going to put the most blunt thing first and build out from there.

The first “Lifetime Guarantee” is that you’re going to die! Whoa! Dark… Morbid… Whatever! It’s a fact that we need to embrace to make moments matter. Infinite things have no value. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

Life is going to have different times. That I can guarantee. There will be seasons to everyone’s life. Expecting today and tomorrow to be the same is foolhardy. While we can hope for good or better times, it’s usually on us to adjust our sails rather than expect favorable winds.

The time of your life may not take a lifetime to find. I cannot guarantee this. This is one of those variable situations. At some point in your life, you’re going to have the time of your life but you’re not going to know that because a better time could be on the horizon. So balancing optimistic search with recognition and gratitude is a skill that must be developed. If that day on the playground in first grade was as good as it’s going to get, then why bother? Great things need to be in front of us and we need to have evidence that supports that hope.

Your lifetime belongs to you. I guarantee it. Waiting for someone else to come in and overhaul it to your specifications is guaranteed not to work. Your life and your time are two of the resources that you have at your disposal. Use them both to make the other better. In time your life is going to run out, we talked about it earlier. So waiting to start living your life makes no sense. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Teddy Roosevelt. I’d add in “with the ones you love (when possible)”

Guarantees are few in this life. So use your time wisely!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Whose Job Is It?

Pete Huryk

In mid April on a Sunday afternoon in 2007, I had a great day! My son’s first birthday party was a collection of family, friends, presents and positivity for the future. It wasn’t perfection but it was pretty great! The next day changed all of that for a while. On the campus of Virginia Tech, the worst side of humanity reared its ugly head and it sent me spiraling. Perhaps it was only the proximity of the two events that caused the issue but I was overrun with guilt. How could I bring a child into a world where that type of hate was possible? For about two months, I was in the closest thing that I can equate to a depression. Eventually, the thing that preceded the downturn got me out of it, my son. No matter what had happened, I had a responsibility to show up for him. Not only to protect him from things until was able to take that on himself but to be a force for good. The world was not inherently evil or good. I had the opportunity to “color” the world through my actions.

So I pose the very ambiguous question again. Whose job is it? Whose job is it to make sure that I show up as the best version of myself today? The answer is simple and we all know it, it’s mine! It also comes linked with a word that many people don’t like, RESPONSIBILITY. It’s a daunting word but let’s break it down. Response ability, the ability to respond (not react) to a situation.

It’s that major ingredient that is the base for our progress as people. I needed to take it when I had a one year old son despite my guilt. Even Billy Madison, the buffoon who needed to repeat school to prove to dad he wasn’t a fool, understood responsibility. “You don’t just look for an hour and call it quits! You get your a$$ out there and find that f—-ing dog!”

Now that it’s pretty certain whose job it is, embrace it! The best version of you is available. Lean into it. When you fall short, respond with another attempt. The people around you need a great version of you whenever they can get it.

Peace! I’m outta here!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Bound for the Floor

Pete Huryk

It’s the title of the only song that I know by the band, Local H. While they never made a huge impact on my listening habits, their one song pops into my head from time to time. Usually it’s when I’m near my hometown. There is a sign for the hospital with the word “local” above it. I’d always just assumed that it was the inspiration for the band’s name. Regardless of my error, “bound for the floor” makes an appearance occasionally.

The combination of the song title and my association with the hospital has always created a universality to the song. We’re all bound for the floor at some point. It may not happen any time soon but it’s inevitable. Literal or metaphorical, we’re impacted by gravity constantly and the pull of our mortality. In the short term we’re going to fall and in the long term, we’ll stay down permanently.

There are plenty of dispositions to take toward these truths. At the one extreme, there’s the hopelessness of everything. Why bother? It’s all going to end and I’m going to get hurt along the way. So why bother? In the other direction is the urgency. This will end and now is all that I get. Bounce back up as quickly as possible and do all that you can with the time that you have. In between those two extremes is an infinite number of ways to move forward. Choosing is the key. Deciding your disposition toward the floor before it comes. Since it is inevitable, when and why are often unknowable but the how is largely up to us.

Born to be down… Sure! But don’t stay there long or indulge in it. It will catch up with you eventually but looking over your shoulder is only going to keep you from seeing all of the beauty in front of you. It’s up to you!

Keep it copacetic!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Biblical Feces!

Pete Huryk

It doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily as “Holy sh**!” but the basic components are there. For a variety of reasons, one has been adopted as an exclamation of surprise or delight. And the other is nonsense that I use to illustrate a point. While we’d love to believe that we’re communicating accurately, things like this are everywhere. The words and the meaning behind them are quite different. None of us came up with HS! We just use it. If biblical feces caught on, we might use that too.

It’s utility not accuracy. Function rather than form. Our standing order as humans is not to be perfect. It’s to carry on and try to progress. The history of the human race is littered with the imperfection of our ancestors. Yet here we are! Bathing in a world that would make them say “Biblical feces!” Or whatever exclamation they saw fit.

So don’t stop the heritage that we have. Make your best attempt at the things that you care about today. Push the envelope everyone once in a while and maybe you’ll astound the people around you enough to have a “biblical feces!” moment. You’re more than capable. You may just be caught up in the normal feces of everyday.

Getting it wrong is often the first step to getting it right!

Pete

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Easy to Ignore

Pete Huryk

There is information all around us. It comes in at such a frantic pace that our brains are actually better at ignoring things than paying attention to them. So attention becomes a skill that needs to be developed and honed for the specific needs of a person. A woodsman can see a certain type of scratches on tree bark and know that a bear may be lurking nearby. An economist can see a combination of movements within the markets and know that a crash is coming. We don’t need to know it all and in fact we can’t! Just because our brains are set up to ignore the majority of the information that comes in, doesn’t mean that autopilot is the best strategy.

Our brain is always trying to be efficient. So it only pays attention to the things that it has been told are important. It also tends to lose focus on things if they’re viewed as handled. What are the things that need your focus this week? Maybe they’re different than last week. That special situation needs attention. Or that thing that you’ve thought was settled needs to be tweaked. What indicators of success should you be looking for? Do you know whether you’re getting closer or farther aways from your big goals? Are there any signals of danger than you should be noticing? The scratches on a tree that an expert would recognize. Do you need someone from outside of your own brain to look at the situation?

When you don’t see the signals, they’re easy to ignore. A red light at an intersection is invisible, if the right distraction comes along. What do you truly want from tomorrow? This week? This month? This year? Then pay attention!

“There is no spoon.”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pillow Forts

Pete Huryk
Washing the covers to my couch cushions and got inspired!

They’re the beautiful architecture of children usually! It’s a beauty that’s not really found in the craftsmanship because the material are haphazard and stability almost nonexistent. The key ingredient to the beauty of a pillow fort is the belief of its builder. The imagination and wonder that goes into something so flimsy… so temporary. Yet they love it because it’s theirs and it took the mundane and made it magical!

At certain point, we stop making pillow forts. Not because we lack the time or materials but rather the imagination. We see only utility and not possibility. The function and the thing become one until our world is filled with single use items.

We’re all pillow forts! Temporary structures that were born out of imagination and love. Perhaps today is a great day to get that magic back! Breathe life back into that thing that you know won’t last forever but maybe you can see it anew. Re-envision it with a childlike joy!

Or wait ‘til it falls apart or a single purpose person tears it back down to its most basic form.

Both are a choice! And now you’re probably old enough to make it on your own!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You’re Stronger Than This!

Pete Huryk

Honestly that’s not the real quote! The line from the movie goes “You’re faster than this, don’t think you are. Know you are!” Mentally combined with the scene where Neo faces off with Agent Smith in the subway station, it’s my “go to” imagery when I’m lifting a heavy weight. While I could be tempting fate slightly by putting so much stock into the mental side of a very physical act, I still believe that it’s important.

Everything traces itself back to the mind! We tend to believe that we live in a physical world and sure, we do. But it is all interpreted through the mind. So the sensations of those very physical acts get relayed through the body and interpreted by the mind. It’s not a one way street though. There needs to be an impetus for action. And if you don’t believe that the floor is going to hold you up when you step onto it, you’re stuck! The world is giving us feedback and that can shape our beliefs but does not dictate them. There’s more to it. We have choice!

What have you chosen to believe in the past? What do you believe now? What beliefs do you need to adopt in order to get you where you want to go? These are important questions to ask and consider the answer. One of my favorite sayings (that I believe I coined) “Don’t assume you’re weak because you haven’t found your strength yet.” In it lies the problem that so many people face. They doubt the existence of their own strength because it’s not obvious like the powers of Superman or they’ve not been anointed the “One” like Neo. It’s a two way street of belief and feedback that need to coalesce into suspension bridge that can support the weight of our endeavor. It’s not as simple as we’d like it to be but it’s not impossible either.

You’re stronger than this! Don’t think you are. KNOW you are!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

None Of It Is Easy

Pete Huryk

Staring down a deadline that I set for myself to write something by 11pm. Here it is 10:49 and several drafts in the technological trash. Yet I persist! Chances are that this won’t be the best piece of writing that I’ve ever produced. That’s ok! The point isn’t to get your best each time. It’s showing up again and taking a swing. Because none of it is easy.

While our search for easier situations has largely led to just different hard circumstances, we seem to insist that easy is out there somewhere. That something of value can be received with little effort and no long term cost. I’m not sure that I’m buying it anymore. None of it is easy!

But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be joyous, exciting, moving and life altering as well. It’s just that none of it is easy. So tomorrow by 11pm, another piece of writing will be showing up here and none of that will be easy. But I’m looking forward to it because basically that’s the only way we can truly look.

Onward, Forward!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Recipe for Failure

Pete Huryk

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot in terms of recipes. As a kid, I was always helping my mom bake cookies or create a concoction of my own in the kitchen that may or may not have been delicious/edible. It seems like people bake and cook a little bit less these days. Not sure if that is restaurant culture, laziness, pre-prepped meals or all of the above. Regardless, recipes don’t seem to hold the same importance that they used to. Despite the shift in the cooking paradigm, people are usually looking for a short cut or hack to success. So I decided to go in the other direction and put down a recipe for failure. In theory, if you were to play George Costanza and do the opposite, that could avoid failure or lead to success.

This is my “fake” Chick-Fil-Recipe. Use it if you want!
  • View Other People as Special/Talented – That’s right! The people who are getting the results that you want were just born lucky. They have talents that can’t be taught/learned/trained. God or whatever you believe in has just shined a light on them and completely forgot about you. Don’t bother trying because you haven’t got it!
  • Make Up Excuses – There are plenty of reasons that you’re not getting what you want and they’re beyond your control. Every conceivable thing that could go against you keeps showing up. It’s not your fault! It’s the weather, the timing, the market, the coach, the referee, the president, your parents, lady luck, Kevin frickin’ Bacon and the Boogey Man. You can’t do it because _____________________. And whatever you put in that blank is 100% legitimate!
  • Put It Off Until Tomorrow – This is a great plan because tomorrow will definitely be better! You’ll be more rested, have a clearer head and more time. That’s a very common thing. More time shows after you’ve decided not to use now. Now is very overwhelming. Tomorrow, next week, next month or next year provide a buffer that is 100% necessary.
  • Believe That It’s Not Important – It really didn’t matter that much anyway! Getting that goal, climbing that mountain, defeating that opponent, etc. It wouldn’t have changed who you are. You’re still you. It doesn’t matter what anyone does because eventually we’ll all be gone anyway. So don’t bother because it doesn’t really matter.
  • Let Other People Stop You – Their opinions, approval, encouragement, etc. are either forces that you can’t overcome or things you can’t live without. So until you get high level clearance with a marching band, cheerleaders and a 100% approval rating, don’t lift a finger because the backlash, “I told you so’s”, judgment and disdain are going to be too much for you to handle!

At a certain point while writing those, I started to feel ridiculous. For two reasons: 1. the recipe is inherently ridiculous and 2. I’ve done all of these things before. I didn’t voice the thoughts to myself like I did in the examples, I just did the action. This recipe isn’t complete of course. You can add all kinds of garnishes and extras but these are majors.

Any time that you’re considering doing one these things recognize that they ruin a success “recipe” if you add too much. It’s not a judgmental thing. We’ve all done these before and will do them again. The idea is not perfection. It’s getting things done because you can!

Bon Apetit!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Searching for Éowyn

Pete Huryk

At no point in my twenties did I think that I would be dating again in my forties. Despite the optimism of my former self, I found myself single and living in the world of online dating. My best intentions of finding someone with whom to spend the rest of my life were met with a variety of obstacles: some internal and others external. While I often put my personal past experiences into the blog, that’s not my focus at the moment. The main reason for the post is my perspective on a confused landscape of man/woman courting (yep! old school term but I’m going with it for now).

Searching for Éowyn – I’ve had this concept in mind for a while. If you’re not a “Lord of the Rings” fan, she is a strong female character who plays a crucial role in the defeat of the evil forces in the book/movies. Obviously, she is just a character but she personifies a good amount of what I (and possibly many men) look for. A partner that will have my back as much as I have hers. She is not a damsel in distress who is waiting to be saved but rather an equal partner who is capable in her own right, with her own strengths. My hope is that together, we do what the 20th Century philosopher, Rocky Balboa, said of relationships “fill gaps.” “I’ve got gaps, she’s got gaps. Together we fill gaps.” – Rocky. Basically it is two people who bring things to the table and feel that the combination makes life better for both.

The Confusion – I’m not sure how the process of finding people got so convoluted. Perhaps, it’s the dating apps, or social media, or old rules, or new rules, or players, or haters, or cheaters, or all of the above and a lot more. Regardless, there are lots of people out there getting upset, disappointed, angry and down right frustrated with the situation. I’m always looking to help. At the moment, I’m in the most healthy relationship I’ve ever had and loving it! So maybe this public mental exercise will be useful to someone. If not, it might bring a laugh or two for people who are already squared away in the relationship department. Remember that I only have the man’s perspective. So there may be pieces missing from the equation.

Dating Apps – (Pros) They are a necessarily evil marketing tool that most people are using these days. They’re great and they suck! On the one hand they give you a view into many of the people looking in your area. It’s a wider net to choose from than the old school trope of the local bar scene. Putting some of your preferences out there up front should act as a screening mechanism. It also can be a good filter for initial attraction. Both the physical and mental interest levels can start online before a first meeting. A lack of interest on line does not feel as bad as real life rejection. The pure numbers makes everything less personal.

(Cons) The flip side of the coin is that numbers bring publicity and competition. Putting yourself out there can be scary, and what you get back can be scarier. The very tools that widen the pool of options also invite a host of complications. Profiles can be misleading, conversations can lack the nuance of real-life interaction, and the paradox of choice can leave you feeling more lost than ever. Sometimes it feels like shopping for a connection rather than building one. Add to this the ghosting, superficiality, and occasional toxicity, and it’s clear why so many feel disillusioned.

So, how do you navigate this maze without losing hope? For me, the key lies in staying grounded in your values and knowing what you’re looking for. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. Éowyn may be a fictional ideal, but the qualities she embodies—strength, partnership, and mutual respect—are very real aspirations. Recognize that the path to finding your person might be unpredictable and even messy. It requires patience, resilience, and an openness to the unexpected.

The journey isn’t just about finding the right partner; it’s also about becoming the kind of partner someone else is searching for. That’s the heart of the matter—filling gaps isn’t a one-sided process. It’s a dance of two people who bring their authentic selves to the table, flaws and all, and choose to build something meaningful together.

If you’re still searching, take heart. You’re not alone in the confusion. And if you’ve found your Éowyn, treasure her. After all, strong partnerships don’t just happen—they’re built, one gap-filling moment at a time.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Use your time well!

Pete