Category: Blogpost

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Triple F Anxiety Strikeout

Pete Huryk

It pains me a little to use a baseball reference to explain a concept but some things just fit. Not everything can be about soccer! Can it? Regardless of the reference, my intention is always to help people. So if it takes a baseball analogy to get the idea across, then so be it!

Anxiety seems to be all around us at the moment. From the pandemic to more personal issues, people are beset on all sides by things that could cause anxiety. While the ingredients are lurking about, I’m going to venture the idea that staving off the feeling is like fighting off a strikeout. It may not always be pretty but keeping yourself in the batter’s box is crucial to possibly hitting a home run or even getting the walk to obtain that bit of progress.

The three F’s of anxiety are “feeling future failure.” While none is particularly debilitating on their own or even in a pair, the three together are the recipe for anxiety. Regardless of the individual word or even the duets, they do not need to be feared in any way. “Feeling failure” is a necessary component to moving forward. It may hurt but that pain is instructive. “Feeling the future” is not a problem on its own either. Actually one of the most important keys to any visualization practice is that you emote on the idea inside your head. “Future failure” is out there for all of us. We are not going to succeed at everything that we do. This is just a fact of life. So that concept should not be fear inducing.

So the idea is to drop one “strike” from the count! The most potent one to drop is the feeling because that is the action that leads to the anxiety. While this is far easier said than done, remember that you are the one that creates your feelings. That future failure is only a projection that you have inside of your head. It’s not any more real than the winning lottery ticket or any other moment in your future existence. Choosing to feel that failure before it shows up makes as much sense as celebrating that lottery win before buying the ticket. You’re the only link between the thought and the event. Don’t buy the ticket to that future failure and definitely don’t buy into the emotion before necessary. Maybe that thing will happen but you don’t need to live through it multiple times!

All of this is said with the utmost caring and desire for positive outcomes for people. Lots of people are struggling at the moment, I’m well aware. Bottling up and denial are not the best strategies for coping with things. Each of us is playing our own internal game. Perhaps you’re facing a set of circumstances that seem to be “Hall of Fame” pitcher. They have your number and it seems like you can’t do anything but swing blindly. You can step out for a second and gather yourself for another at bat. Plenty of people in the crowd cheering for you. Keep that in mind as you step up.

Swing away!

Pete

Blogpost, posh, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

POSH Woes Away From Home Continue

Pete Huryk

I place the blame squarely on my own shoulders. So far this season, I’ve only been able to watch four matches and two have been POSH wins. My lack of commitment is a leading factor in the poor form. While I say this all in jest, people link results to a variety of factors which represent correlation and not causation. The away form is troubling and so are the goals in quick succession. Both are a symptom of an underlying problem that is easy to spot but more difficult to correct. Fergie put it very plainly in his post match interview. There is a lack of belief within the team that gets exacerbated away from home and when the team concede.

While it is simple enough to identify a lack of belief, it’s more difficult to correct considering all contributing factors. In order to have a squad that can withstand the workload, injuries and the level of the Championship; there needs to be competition at every single position. It is an absolute necessity but it creates circumstances where a player’s position within the team is always in question. As professional athletes, this is part of the job but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.

If it were just the uncertainty of the position, there probably would not be such a grand issue at the moment. However each player must also internally wrestle with the question of whether or not, they are “Championship standard.” Obviously all of the members of the squad are eligible to play in the Championship because it is the league where the POSH are now. However there is a difference between being a Championship player and feeling like you belong at that level. Hopefully the players are smart enough to avoid looking at social media or player rating. That level of scrutiny is difficult to bear. Fans, pundits and journalists have the right to rate or not rate a player. It doesn’t mean that it’s helpful. Keeping one’s mentality straight with daggers being pulled for any play that is not up to snuff.

Finally the pressure of survival. This is one of the reasons that I’ve been a firm proponent of aiming higher than survival. Having taught for many years, I know that the individual who is just looking to pass will never get an A. The one who is willing to put in the work with high expectations will do far better than the bare minimum. Survival is not riding on every kick of the ball or even every match. It just feels that way and that feeling doesn’t help. The increased pressure produces anxiety that does not improve performance.

It’s simple enough to just say “get on with it.” These players are professional athletes who signed up for this pressure. True! However, any fan, pundit or journalist can tell you that a striker in the Championship needs to be more clinical because the number of chances are fewer and more difficult. So a player will train to improve their finishing skills. It’s necessary to perform at this level. How much training have players gotten on their mindset? Belief? Self-talk? Visualization?

I’m sure there has been some but if this truly is the missing component to success then it needs to be a core component to the training. A striker who is not putting shots on frame would not be told to just figure it out. There’s too much at stake. Each player would be different. Depending on their personality types, learning styles and modality preferences; they would need to develop skills to help them put legs under the “table” of their belief. For now they seem to be able to believe at home. That’s something! Unfortunately that does not scratch the true potential of this squad. They can make a real dent in this league but they need to believe it to their core. For now, they are waiting for the results to give them belief. That’s actually reverse of what needs to happen. Belief is a skill that they need to hone.

Up the POSH! I’ll do my part. I’m positive the players can do theirs.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

No Credit Given

Pete Huryk

In a Hollywood film or a TV show, there are often crowds of people in the background of a scene. They are called extras. My uncle Bob has made a pretty interesting second career out of being an extra. His name doesn’t show up in the credits because his role is not important enough to the production. If he were playing a bigger part, he’d get credit. Under the circumstances, no credit is given.

Uncle Bob at the center table talking to another extra. He’s not that Robert Urich, he’s the other Robert Huryk.

We’ve come to a time in history where people have a much broader reach than they ever did before. It can make everyone feel like they are “important.” Somehow the ability to reach millions through the device in someone’s pocket means that they deserve that level of credit. Unfortunately, on that scale, most of us are extras. We’re hanging out in the background and no one will ever really notice us. However, the one place that we are not an extra is in our own lives. In fact we should be playing the starring role. Everyday we help to create our dialogue and actions but somehow we pass up the great opportunity that we have to embrace the role. Most of us are so enamored with the people that we see on the screens getting “credit” that we forget that we’re a star too. Sure we’re playing on a local channel or in a theater that’s way off Broadway. Does that really matter? Probably not.

That’s probably the exact amount of fame that you’re looking for. Most of us don’t want the scrutiny that comes with the big screen life. We’re far better off playing to a small crowd of people who love us without the spotlight and the makeup. Our names don’t get put on the marquee but they do get put on invitations, thank you cards or a text chain with people we love. Playing to a bigger audience may get money, fame and “credit.” However it may not get us the love and respect that we actually crave. Our “no credit” lives in the background are probably the best place for us to thrive.

So tomorrow when you get the opportunity to play you to the local audience, remember that you’re the one that they want in that role. Don’t hold out for the credit because it is not coming but give those people that matter a performance. Be the best version of you that they’ve ever seen. You’re worth it and they’re worth it. The credits won’t be rolling anytime soon anyway.

Lights, camera, ACTION!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

What Are You Trying to Pull?

Pete Huryk

There are a variety of lines within the first two Godfather movies that are worth repeating and analyzing. One in particular is a father’s wish for his son. Although framed by a mob boss, it is not an unrealistic desire for any parent. “I never wanted this for you…. I refused to be a fool dancing on a string held by those big shots… when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the strings…” That’s Don Corleone speaking to his son Michael. He wanted a different life for his son. One where he would be in control of his own destiny. It’s a moving sentiment! Whether it comes from a mob boss, a teacher or a plumber, the desire for self-determination is a reasonable desire for any parent or individual.

People are an amazing combination of habits, thoughts, beliefs, rationalizations and so many other factors. Our bodies are the physical representations of who we are but there are much deeper forces at work. A subliminal battle between our desire for safety while desiring an existence better than the one that we know today. These are incompatible ideas that cause inner turmoil if they are not dealt with on some level. Each of us must rectify this conflict in one way or another. So the question becomes, what are you trying to pull?

It’s possible that you are on the path that Don Corleone wanted for Michael. You are pulling the strings. Perhaps not in the way that he intended, by holding a position of power. However you are able to self-determine how you go through life. This would be great regardless of how influential you are to the outside world. The ability to determine who you will be in this world is rarer than we’d like to admit. Even if you think this is you, keep reading. Perhaps you’re pulling something else.

The next possibility is that you’re pulling the wool over your own eyes. You’ve set up a world that is completely comfortable and seems like it is under your control. Unfortunately you may be looking down at the strings that you hold and never noticing the ones that are attached to you from above. In certain ways, this is all of us. None of us is truly free from every level of control but some strings are controlling our movements while others are just there.

Perhaps you’re pulling everyone’s leg. You’ve put on a show that is not representative of anything that you think or desire. However people think that they know the character that you are and that’s comforting. You don’t like the role but you’d rather play it than admit that the strings are all that you care about.

Many of us are pulling the weight of our past along with us. It’s not a burden that we must carry but rather one that we choose to carry. The releasing of the past is not particularly an easy thing to do. However your history is also something that you cannot change. Possibly you can redefine it but dragging it along as an anchor makes for slow progress.

Finally and the most scary is you feel like pulling the trigger. The strings have got you tangled in a web that you can’t seem to break free from. It’s constricting! The more that you try to break free, the tighter that the knots seem to feel. You’re not in control and believe that you never will be. So why continue?

It’s pretty obvious that there are levels to this thing. Although the thought of going from the bottom to the top may be enticing, it’s probably unrealistic. Wherever you are at the moment, it’s part of the equation to own up to it. There doesn’t need to be a huge public proclamation. The important thing is to admit it to yourself. Knowing where you are is a key component to getting where you want to go. Hopefully that place that you want to go is up. Not so that you can be above other people but rather so you can get closer to that best version of yourself. Unfortunately, you need to pull yourself up. Other people can only try to push you for so long before it’s on you again. What are you trying to pull? Hopefully the answer is “myself to the next level.”

Get a firm grip and let’s go!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

There Was a Time…

Pete Huryk

There was a time when I didn’t understand my parent’s (and other older people’s) fixation on where they were upon hearing that Kennedy was shot. It was definitely a historical moment, worthy of remembrance but I just didn’t understand. Now that we are twenty years removed from September 11th, I kind of understand. My life basically split into two on that day. Some of that would have happened without the attack but in so many ways, my present life tracks directly back to that day.

It was one of the oddest days of my teaching career. I got called down to the office at one point in early part of the day. In a conference room, they had the TV on where the students wouldn’t see. I was being given a glimpse of events that I needed pretend were not happening for the next several hours. As the day unfolded, parents started picking up their kids and yet I needed to pretend like nothing was wrong. By the last period, few students were left and they all knew something was up. Something was different.

Perhaps everyone who lived through the Kennedy assassination feels the same way. As if that one horrific event had changed their entire existence. Or maybe it was just the period of my life that caused the splitting. Regardless, it’s there. A scar from a cut that I wish never happened but it did. So what do we with an unwanted past? Do we run from it? Forget it? Or leverage it?

One of the beautiful things that seems to happen around many tragedies is that people come together. Differences that seemed important yesterday are cast aside. Humans have an amazing ability to be the best versions of themselves when things are at their worst. Not because we are special or supernatural but rather it is who we are deep inside. We are born literally through adversity. Any mother will tell you that it is called “labor” for a reason. Unfortunately we tend to shield ourselves from adversity because comfort feels better.

My life before September 11th was largely filled with comfort. This second life has had a lot more struggle and difficulty but it’s made me who I am now. This is not a call for tragedy. It is a call for embracing those hard things that instruct. Not pain for pain’s sake but pain for progress! There was a time when I was afraid of difficult periods, I’m not afraid anymore. Hopefully we’ll meet on that other side!

Never forget! You’re stronger than you realize!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Mac and Cheesmo

Pete Huryk

Machismo is defined as “strong or aggressive masculine pride.” It is not widespread everywhere but seems to be more represented in certain cultures. There is probably a bit of it in most areas in the world. In the US, there are archetypes of what a “man’s man” is. People like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne or Sylvester Stallone have portrayed this idea in movies. While I’m not particularly a fan of the overblown male ego, I’m less impressed by the situation that I’m about to describe. The proliferation of “mac and cheesmo.”

I may fumble the description a bit because I just know it when I see it. Mac and cheesmo is the completely artificial representation of toughness or manliness. It seems to show up when someone knows they are going to fail. So rather than stare their inadequacies in the face, they fake an injury, claim an impediment, act like they never really cared, or blame their circumstances. It’s not so much the denial of the failure that is bothersome but rather the posturing that goes along with it. There are theatrics and hysterics that come along with the failure that are completely unnecessary. No one is out to criticize or belittle the person for failing. Somehow they feel that the charade is necessary to save some face but they are only fooling themselves. We can all see through the act.

I suppose it is appropriate the examples of “manliness” were actors because it’s a profession where your role is bigger than your real persona. Each of those men probably had or has weak spots that gets exposed. In life we are all acting on one level or another. We play the role of ourselves each and every day. The question is whether or not we are playing our true selves or some artificial boxed version. Although I cannot speak for everyone, I know when the fake me is on display. It’s uncomfortable and feels wrong. I don’t like it. The reason that I find mac and cheesmo so offensive is that it feigns strength where weakness would have been ok. I’m sure that I’ve been mac and cheesmo myself but now that I’ve got the term, I’ll try to avoid it more.

Between our food, clothing and other things where artificial has become the norm, my hope is that we don’t need be so artificial. If we are consistently being fake, then eventually we’ll forget what is real. I’d like to believe that there is inherent value to being authentic even when it hurts. Otherwise, no one truly ever knows us or even worse, we never really know ourselves. So please do your best to avoid the mac and cheesmo today. The real version of you may not fit in a box and that’s ok!

Let’s get cookin’!

Pete

Blogpost, posh, SoccerLifeBalance

Persistent POSH Procure Points

Pete Huryk

It’s amazing how quickly things can change. The original title for this blogpost was going to be “Poor POSH Produced No Points”. Harrison Burrows and Siriki Dembele changed that after their introduction into Saturday’s game. Although their goals are bound to be the focus, it is actually their mentality that truly caused the shift. Both players came in with a desire to compete that has been lacking in a few POSH squad members for the first two weekends. Luckily, all of our new recruits seem ready and willing to compete. Norburn and Randall are the two that standout most in my mind from the POSH new boys but they are not the only ones. While others within the squad seem to hope that their past contributions will buy them a starting position and wins in the results column. Luckily Burrows and Dembele have a bit more to fight for and it showed.

Photo by Joe Dent.

Today the echoing chant on social media seems to be that we need to hang onto Dembele or we’re sunk. While there is no denying Dembele’s talent with the ball at his feet, his true value is in his mentality. Perhaps his motivation is solely based on getting a move away from Peterborough and that’s ok! Stars have come and gone through the years at POSH but thriving in the Championship will not come down to the names on the team sheet but rather their inclination toward proving their value at this level. Players who are willing to do what it takes to compete to earn a position, then contribute toward a win are invaluable. Ones who are looking to protect their standing could be our undoing regardless of how popular or productive they were in the past.

Two league games are hardly enough to render judgment on anyone’s mentality but there are some worrying signs. The general feeling from the Luton game seemed to be one of fear from returning players. Several players seemed to be afraid that they weren’t able to play at this level. They seemed to get rattled by instances that I’ve watched them cope with handily before. Most likely that will pass. The far more concerning situations are where a player is looking for someone to bail him out. Whether the manager, the referee or other teammates, I’ve seen a few moments where a player is looking outside of himself for answers to problems that exist within. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a starter but earning it is key. Looking for a foul call is alright as well, provided that’s not the only thing in your arsenal. Teammates are there to be relied upon, not used as scapegoats for your shortcomings.

The substitutes in the Derby match were able to shift the mentality within the team. Even players who had been in for the entire match found a new sense of belief and an energy that carried them to the win. Dembele is not the answer. He’s an answer with the characteristics that we need. The POSH way is to “go forward”. Most of the time that means toward goal but it is also the mentality of progress, both personally and collectively. Not settling for being in the Championship or expecting that who we were last season is good enough. It means proving that we are a Championship club. That will not be given to anyone. It’s earned with each tackle, every run, pass and shot. Players will need to burn that into their brains because it’s the only way we’ll thrive in this league. It can be done and we have players that can do it. They just need to decide to.

Up the POSH!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

CPR on the Past

Pete Huryk

There are transitions in life that we make willingly and others that we do begrudgingly. Recently I’ve been reminded that my involvement as a parent is going to be wanted less and less in the coming years. It was kind of an odd realization to make that at one point I was one of the two most relevant people in my children’s lives. From the first moment, I was there for midnight feedings, explosive diapers and everything else that came along. Now that my role is changing, I might mourn it a bit or possibly get nostalgic. The thing that I can’t do is perform CPR on a past that is no longer healthy or viable.

Parents are not the only ones who try to “keep the past alive” unnecessarily. Anyone can get caught up in the idea of how things used to be. It’s comfortable and familiar. There is an allure of that known past because it carries none of the fear of the unknown future. The problem with living in the past is that it is exhausting to do CPR on something that has no chance of survival. That version of you is gone and you can’t get it back. The energy that you’ve put into those chest compressions would be better used to move you forward. By all means, reminisce and enjoy the memories but do so as the you of today.

I love this lyric from John Mellencamp although I’d like to amend it a bit. “Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.” There is no doubt that other parts of life carried a certain thrill that you can’t get back. However there is no reason that you can’t get just as excited for today. You can’t go back to the “glory days” but you can create new ones, if you’re not completely fixated on the old.

Move forward!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Doorman > The CEO in This Place

Pete Huryk

The CEO has been held in high esteem for decades now as the pinnacle of business career success. Corner offices, private jets, and big bonuses are just a few of the pictures that people put in their heads when they think of this position. On the other hand, doormen are pretty rare by comparison and usually thought of very little. Unless it is for a ritzy residential building in a big city, the doorman often is invisible. A quasi-security guard who is on a lower rung of a different ladder to the CEO. There is one place where the doorman may be more important than the CEO even though the CEO calls all of the shots.

At the moment, we are all being bombarded constantly by information. The things that we let in are influencing us tremendously. Regardless of whether we are truly processing it all or if it is just in the background, the tendency toward informational fatigue and overload is pervasive. It is important to put some constraints on what is coming in. Even the most skilled CEO in the world would be rendered completely ineffective if the doorman let anyone and everyone in to see her/him. The pure volume would lead to a grinding halt of productivity. The CEO may be directing the who the doorman lets in but if that job is done poorly, the higher executive functions don’t matter.

At this point, it’s obvious that I’m no longer talking about people but rather your mind and the mechanisms that you have in place for processing information and protecting your attention. People are amazing “deletion creatures”. Meaning that we cannot pay attention to everything at every moment, so we delete a large portion of what comes into our senses. The things that don’t get deleted are let in or deflected by the “doorman” through focused attention or passing notice. The things that we focus on create our reality. Your focus (doorman) can make or break your day, week, month, year or life by letting all of the wrong stimuli, ideas, words, etc. into your mind (CEO). The key is being specific with your doorman about who gets access. If not directed, the doorman will let the loudest and pushiest people in. That’s a recipe for disaster! So train your doorman to only let in the people that are worthy of your time and attention.

Entrez-vous!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Be THE One and Only!

Pete Huryk

In Buttzville, NJ there is a hot dog stand called Hot Dog Johnny’s. For many people it is a Mecca on their food pilgrimage map. Serving customers since 1944, Hot Dog Johnny’s has built a generational reputation. Is it because they have every topping imaginable? No! I think they only have four and chili isn’t one of them. Is it because they have a super comfortable seating area and a stress free play area for the kids? Nope. The inside seating is probably for the 80s or maybe 70s. The outdoor seating is picnic tables. The swings set is also a throwback to simpler times. None of this seems to matter because Hot Dog Johnny’s is THE one and only.

It’s possible that some people think that Johnny’s hot dogs are better than anyone else’s. However my guess is that it has very little to do with taste. The fact of the matter is that people can get a hot dog from a variety of different places but there’s still only one Hot Dog Johnny’s. It is a culmination of a bunch of factors. Taken as individual ingredients, they don’t really amount to much. In fact, a very loud yellow t-shirt design that has not changed in decades would probably seem like a negative to a merchandise specialist. Yet they continue to sell. Not because it fits the fashion of today. It’s because it doesn’t. The lack of change is a link between past and present generations. Following trends and responding to market research is a road to being average. There are places to go for the average restaurant experience. Hot Dog Johnny’s just isn’t that place because it is the one and only.

Each of us has that same opportunity! The ability to stand out in a way that is uniquely our own. Many people shy away from that calling. It’s easier to blend in with the crowd, be invisible among the masses. While it may save you from possible ridicule or raised eyebrows, it also protects you from being remarkable. The people, places and things that catch our attention are anything but average. Those generational juggernauts do not stand the test of time because they followed the herd but rather went against the grain. Copying and pasting is so easy these days that it may seem like a viable strategy for life. Unfortunately that course of action leads to the pool of mediocrity where everyone seems to hang out. You don’t need to have a bright yellow t-shirt to stand out but you do need to be THE ONE AND ONLY YOU!

BYBS! (Bring Your Best Self)

Pete