I'm an author and public speaker from New Jersey. My topics are usually aimed toward teenagers and range from self-esteem/self-reliance to peak performance in sports.
It was slurred and almost incoherent but that was the message that a teammate relayed to me during my freshman year soccer season. I’m not exactly sure what the message was intended to do. Was I supposed to change my ways and start drinking at that moment? Was I supposed to be hurt by the lack of respect that I was getting from him? I’m not sure but the message was emphatic and clear (well, minus the slurring.)
There are bound to be people out there who have a completely different worldview to you. Their up is your down and your right is their wrong. The easiest thing in the world is to dismiss their thoughts. Or even worse, dismiss them completely. It takes absolutely no effort. Curiosity about how they came to their conclusions takes effort. A conversation about it would be uncomfortable. And acknowledging any validity to their stance might undermine your self-image. It’s just easier to dismiss or even hate.
It’s easier but it probably doesn’t make anything better. We need people on this team. The entire system works better if we’re all heading in a similar direction. And the dynamic tension between opposing ideas often helps us get to a better solution. Beer drinkers and non-beer drinkers can coexist to find a better way forward. Actually, it’s the only way forward.
This week is an opportunity for the young POSH squad to perform under the spotlight. Wrexham on Saturday brings extra attention due to their owners and media attention. Having been at the Sunderland match years ago when they were doing their docuseries, it’s easy for a match to end up on the cutting room floor because it doesn’t fit the narrative of the show. Then the trip to Liverpool in order to play Everton brings a very real amount of attention due to the magic of the FA Cup. The problem that most people have with the spotlight is the prospect of “failure”. It’s why public speaking is often feared at a near death level. Mistakes are a part of life but when they are public, they can be crushing. But it’s all practice… erm… I mean training.
Father vs Son Rivalry too!
My son and I won’t be at Goodison for this one
but we’ll be watching!
This season is all about “on the job” training. Players are being asked to perform at levels with consistency before they’re really ready. This is a tall order. Thousands of people watching and every moment being scrutinized can cause chinks in the armor of the most confident person. This week will accentuate that situation. Extra cameras, extra pressure, extra scrutiny, extra stakes and extra opportunity to learn.
In my first year, and I believe my first week, as a teacher, I was talking about the assignment for the day. I kept switching between referring to the paper as a sheet, then ditto, sheet, ditto, then it came out “shitto”. In a room of 26 sixth graders, they thought this was hilarious and burst out laughing. I just had to move on. Just like every career in the world, OTJ training is where you learn the most. Four years of college, seminars about teaching, student teaching experiences, lesson planning, etc. NEVER had the concept of cursing in front kids when I was the adult had ever entered my mind. These mistakes need to happen because you’re not ready for everything yet. None of us is “born ready”. We’re all born naked and afraid. Yet we press on.
The POSH young guns are not performing consistently at the moment. They’re naked and many are afraid. They weren’t born/bought ready. On the job training is the only way for them to get past it. It’s the best way for them to learn. In the arena! Performers are in there. Just not consistent performers yet. I hope that it’s this week in the spotlight they find the determination to keep their nerve and concentration for 90+ minutes. While most people fear the spotlight because they anticipate the fall, those who dare to be great want the spotlight to see them take off into flight!
This is possibly the best gift that I’ve gotten in my adult life. It’s an ice cream scoop that I received from my former mother-in-law years ago. At the moment that I opened it, I didn’t know it was going to be the best gift. Don’t get me wrong! I appreciated it in that moment. It was obvious that the gift was for me. Not meaning that the tag on the wrapping had my name, it was deeper. She thought about me and bought that item with intention. I felt seen.
Gifts can express many things or possibly nothing at all. As I said before, I didn’t know this was going to be the best gift. The meaning of this item has morphed over the years. Initially, it was a functional tool that was for me. Then as my kids were born and grew, it became a part of our story. I used that item many times to scoop ice cream for them, and then they for themselves. Now it serves as a memory to a time that I don’t have many links to anymore. A time when I was young and trying to prove myself to people who barely knew me or what was to come but were willing to be kind. It’s been a constant through so many years, some good, some less than that.
The best gifts are not always the most expensive or the biggest. Sometimes the best gifts might not even look like gifts in the moment that they’re received. They may look like unwanted pain and hardship. Determining the difference between a gift and trash is not a question of price but rather perspective. In a world where we are exceedingly comfortable with throwing things, people and ideas away; perhaps a few gifts have been discarded in the process.
So as you go through your day, be on the look out for gifts. They may not always look like the way that you want but they’re out there. Often, the extra ingredients of time and perspective may need to be added.
This morning, I was walking my dog. In the freezing temperature, the grass was covered with frost. With the moon shining down, the frost twinkled as if there were hundreds of stars on the ground. It’s not an odd occurrence. In the wintertime, this same set of circumstances probably happens hundreds of times. For some reason, it caught my eye and made me think about people. The stars on the ground weren’t the bright producers of light in the sky. They were just a reflection! People often do the same thing. They don’t shine with the brilliance to be seen from a distance. They’re a dim reflection of possibility.
This is not a finger wagging post, saying that we all should be burning brightly. That’s a tall order. The amount of energy and circumstances needed to make a real star or a human kind are numerous. So if that’s your ambition, by all means, I’m neither encouraging nor discouraging that level fire. Quite to the contrary, I want to put the attention to the stars on the ground. The normal ones that happen often.
Despite the fact that they are semi-ordinary, they are still beautiful. I’m talking about both the reflective bits of ice and the people in this world. You probably know some of them or might be one of them. The people who make the world… your world just a little bit better. They shine at times when it’s needed. They shine when it’s unexpected. They probably also shine when they’re not sure if they can anymore. These everyday creators of magic are all around us!
If you notice one today, take a moment and let them know. The stars in the sky are far beyond our reach. They’ll never know we were here gazing up at them. The stars on the ground are well within our reach!
At the height of their popularity, I had no choice but to listen to the New Kids on the Block. Not only were they pervasive on radio and MTV, my girlfriend at the time was a huge fan. Their catchy tunes and “boyish” good looks were a recipe for success at the time. If we fast forward to the present day, I’m sure that the members look at their former selves and feel at least a twinge of embarrassment. Either the clothes, the hair, the songs, the videos, or any other part of their success could definitely feel a little cringy. Back track a few words! That’s right. Success! They were a worldwide phenomena and there are still reasons to look back with a bit of embarrassment.
We’ve all done it at one point or another. Looked back at a photo, video or older version of ourselves and think “Oh my God! What was I thinking?” It was just a moment in time. Hairstyles, clothing choices, relationships, etc. can all cause a twinge of discomfort with what used to be so natural.
If we come back to the present moment, there are bound to be things that you are doing now that your future self will gasp at. It’s an inevitability! So why not press a bit harder on that button. At the moment, there are probably things that you’re not doing because of a certain amount of embarrassment. Asking out that person, starting a business, asking for a promotion, or a number of other things could be put to the back burner because you don’t want to look foolish now. There’s going to be a certain amount of the present you that embarrasses future you but there is a feeling worse than that… REGRET!
Embarrassment is not an overly strong emotion. It tends to fade pretty quickly. Regret tends to linger. It’s the long term price that you pay for not acting in the moment. It corrodes because there is a gnawing feeling that things could have been different. If you’re willing to become immune to embarrassment, maybe you’ll be able to avoid regret. It won’t be easy but you can take it “Step by Step”.
From time to time, I delve back into old video games for a stress reliever (or procrastination tool). One of my favorite throwbacks is the original “Legend of Zelda”. It’s familiar with a few challenges along the way. Especially in the later levels, some doors are two way and others are one way doors. Meaning that some doors you can go through and decide to turn back (two way doors) while others once you’re through, you can’t go back (one way). In quite a few instances, going through the wrong one way door can force you onto a long path to get back to the same spot. Needless to say, recognizing the difference between one way and two way doors is crucial to success.
Recently, I listened to an episode of Impact Theory with one of the founders of Netflix who talked about this concept in business. Even though he was looking at it from a business context, it’s a powerful concept to use in life. Some doors are one way doors and you can never come back.
The problem is not the fact that one way doors exist. More often it’s our inability (unwillingness) to recognize one way doors before we walk through them. That decision to cheat, say a hurtful thing, take that extra drink, not send the message, etc. can all be one way doors because you can’t get back. The unseen (or not respected) consequences are looming out there. Even though we may not want them, we invite them in through our own actions. And just like Zelda, often by the time that you realize it’s a one way door, it’s too late! My general disposition in this world is a positive one. So, I want to offer up a more proactive spin on one way doors because two way doors already inherently have a “get back” quality.
The other thing that is possible is to create one way doors for yourself. Having the self-discipline to go in a direction and never look back. People do it all the time for positive reasons. Turning their back on alcohol, drugs, sweets or other anchoring forces. Recognizing this ability is extremely powerful. Being a creator of one way doors means that you have self-control. The ability to say something and stand by it. Being a person who can keep their commitments, not just to other people but to yourself. That means that you’re not a victim of circumstances but rather a creator of circumstances. It becomes much easier to navigate life when you know what you will and will not do.
There are thousands (possibly millions) of opportunities in front of you. How you will proceed is up to you. Not every door is a two way door. So before you leap through that opening, look at where it will take you and maybe look at who you’ll be after you step through. You’re always the product that you’re working on and you’re on the adventure of a lifetime! Your lifetime!
Quite possibly the easiest dance in the world because it’s not really dancing. It’s standing in front of someone that you may or may not like and leaning in one direction then the other. After that, there’s some variation possible. The counterclockwise turn as you sway was my specialty. Holding the person close or at a distance was based on the relationship. There was one guy that I knew in high school who would hold his girlfriend close and just stand!?!?! So foolish but he was a football star, so no one ever called him on it. The dance itself was never the problem. It was the asking!
Times have changed and I’m not sure if slow dancing even happens anymore at school events. The emotional turmoil caused by rejection may be just too much for kids to deal with. Or is it exactly what they need? A cultural situation centered around low stakes instances of discomfort. The asking, being asked, rejecting, being rejected, hoping, having hopes dashed, dancing for 3 minutes with a person that you wish hadn’t asked, dancing for 3 minutes with that person that you know is out of your league but said yes anyway, etc. are all scaffolding toward those higher stakes moments. Perhaps it’s just the phase of life that I’m in but it feels like younger people are missing out. And obviously the reintroduction of this right of passage would prompt the creation of an app that would cut out the discomfort again, like Bumble or Hinge but for kids at a dance. I’m totally joking but also wouldn’t be surprised.
With all that I’ve heard in the past few years about decreases in intimate relationships among the younger generations, it feels like we’re missing out. Not on the 8th grade sway because let’s be honest, there are far better dances. It’s all of the other things that come along with real human interactions. People need to learn to be kind, put themselves out there, display confidence in the face of rejection and so many other soft skills. These may not solve all of what is ailing society but divorcing ourselves completely from risk of real interaction isn’t either. Maybe robot girlfriends and boyfriends (or botfriends?) are the answer going forward but my last century brain can’t get there yet.
For now at least, I’d love to see us putting ourselves back out there in a meaningful way. Asking out of true interest because finding that person who sways with you perfectly is a great feeling. But you’ll never know until you take the chance to cross the floor and ask!
The roof of the London Road End keeps the noise of the singing fans in. It’s an unfortunate feature of the structure. I’m sure that it was designed that way for good reason. Possibly to keep in the heat during the winter or keep rain water from flooding the road. I’m sure that someone can explain it. The muffled singing of supporters is an unfortunate side effect that will need to be endured until a new stadium is built (or London Road gets refurbished). It’s just a matter of time! Despite the imperfection, I’m confident that many fans will be sad when it changes because it’s part of their history with the club. The difference between progress and “breaking tradition” is in the eye of the beholder.
Although it’s not a perfect metaphor, it mirrors the situation with the first team at the moment. The POSH are inconsistent this season and it has muffled the singing of the fans (metaphorically this time). The performances are a byproduct of inexperience. The inexperience is due to the buy young and sell talent policy of the club. The policy is because of the very real constraints that the club are under financially. It’s possible that I’m the only one but I’m actually loving this season! The team losing is not what I want. Far from it! I have that same dream that most fans do for the POSH. Getting back to the Championships and staying there for a long time are the aims.
Just like the roof, it’s been evident over the years that the club’s explosive potential at the next level is muffled by its circumstances. That is what brought the present squad. It’s filled with young and largely untested players who are intended to learn through playing. As a long time teacher, the beauty of this season is not in the results but rather the process. Fergie has done this all before but not to the extent of this season. This season is a gamble on how quickly the young guns can figure it all out. The frustration comes for most people due to an expectation that these (and all players) are going to be consistent. The Burton result is an inconsistency because young players get unsettled more easily by circumstances that wouldn’t phase a seasoned professional. The return of key squad members and threat of competition for places unsettled several starters. This often happens in January with POSH due to speculation surrounding our players. Ronnie Edwards’ form dipped a bit last season as well as Kyprianou’s. This begs the question, why not bring in more seasoned players who are more stable? The gamble that the club are making is that the majority of the squad will “pop” in ability at the same time as a promotion.
The alignment of all the right “stars” is less than certain but it’s a great context for watching games and the players. Performances like the Cambridge match show the potential of the squad while the Burton game is a learning experience. A frustrating one for fans but a necessary one for players. It’s not easy to be patient with a team. Fans want results now but that’s just not the plan or the reality. The easiest thing in the world is to write players off as “not good enough.” What if the truth is that they’re not good enough YET? Three little letters that mean so much in a career or life. These youngsters are filled with possibility (like so many past POSH players) but need a little longer to find the necessary consistency.
The design of the situation may be slightly frustrating at times (like a stand that traps the noise of its most raucous fans). It’s not without reason! In the end, this frustrating period may be the thing that’s necessary to get us into the Championship and stay. Raising the bar, raising the roof and raising the club to higher heights may take more time and patience than people are willing to give. But that’s POSH football! Sometimes frustrating but never dull!
An article from the Telegraph before the annoying pop up ads.
It took a little while to find the time to write up a post about my trip to England but here it is! The POSH Pilgrimage 2024 was a much longer and more involved trip but it created some great memories for my son and I before he left for college! Our love of football (soccer) has been one of the biggest parts of our relationship. We did as many things football as we could throughout our time there. Since his birth, I’ve been trying to convert him into a POSH fan. This trip was at least another partial attempt but I’m not sure if it worked.
The timetable of the trip was set for months due to our flights but the fixture list held us hostage for a while. Huddersfield at home was a great draw from a location perspective although the competition was going to be difficult. We arrived in Peterborough the day before the match. The city has changed a lot since my last visit. My affection for the club bleeds over into the city. So it’s interesting to return after a few years and see what growth has happened.
POSH vs Huddersfield– On match day, I got the opportunity to meet former Yellow Block personality Matthew Kisby. We met for a pint at Charters with my son and I drinking our first beer in England together. The prematch gathering was much better this time around. Last trip we went to Ebenezer’s which was a really cool place but a bit off the beaten path. London Road is still London Road regardless of what name gets slapped onto the outside. With this being my third trip, I know what it is and what it is not. The LRE keeps the noise of the fans in and it’s not the best ground in the country. However, it is the home the team that I support. So, I love it regardless!
The match was about what I could have expected. On my first trip, I saw the POSH dismantle MK Dons. Last trip we tied Sunderland on a last gasp goal. I was destined to see a loss at some point and I got it this go around. There was just that cutting edge missing to the attack but I knew that coming into the match. This season was going to be a project and I saw the beginning stages. Not disheartened in the slightest.
On Sunday, I got the opportunity to go to the training facility to watch the U18s and U16s play. It was great to see young players trying to apply the same principles as the first team. Just going to the facility was enjoyable for me because I remember the stories of players changing in their cars when they practiced at a park. The club has come a long way in the last twenty years. Despite my desire to stay and just watch as many training sessions and youth games as I could, the trip was about us seeing as much football as possible.
Sheffield Wednesday vs Plymouth– I know… I know… Sheffield Wednesday… I’m supposed to hate them due to the loss but I needed to be practical. It was the only match that worked for our schedule. I’d never been to Sheffield before despite being a fan of Def Leppard.
The time crunch between our train, to the hotel, to the match was an obstacle but we made it. The walk from the hotel to the match among Wednesday and Plymouth fan was enjoyable. Little bits of banter back and forth but nothing of concern. The ground itself was a definitive step up from London Road. Obviously, the history, fanbases, and financial backing are very different. So, it’s not a slight just a reality. The match itself was enjoyable for a neutral. Wednesday was dominant and it made for a really good atmosphere.
POSH vs Oxford United – The next stop on the pilgrimage was in Oxford. Great city to explore! The university and the other sites in the area made the visit worth it even before the match. I wish that we’d had more time to spend there but since it was a total unknown prior to our visit, I only had us there for the day before and match day.
I feel sorry for the fans of Oxford as their stadium stinks. Literally! The facility itself was fine but the odor was pretty overwhelming. This match played out much like the first. The faint continuous cheer from the POSH fans who traveled summed up the match well. Not everyone seemed ready to sign from the same song sheet. Hayes looked extremely lively but POSH couldn’t find the net and handed the result over to Oxford through mistakes. Winning my son over as a POSH fan was not working out well. Two defeats in two matches was less than ideal. It was time to move on to London for a couple days of football sightseeing.
Chaos in the Capital – The trip from Oxford to London was one of many where a train cancelation had us standing in the hall near the toilet for the trip. Arriving in London, we took the Underground and a bit of a walk to our hotel. It was one of those places tucked into a neighborhood. Upon our arrival, there was a note on the door stating that the hotel was closed down temporarily. This was a huge surprise but I sprang into problem solving mode quickly. I found a room at the Chelsea Cloisters building. It was reasonably priced and didn’t look like a bad option online. BUYER BEWARE!!! Upon our arrival at our room, I knew it wasn’t going to work and tried to either change rooms or get a refund on the room that I had been in for 5 minutes. The letting office were very nice but had no options or refund available for me.
So Luke and I went on a walk to get out of the funk that the situation had put us in. We visited Stamford Bridge’s store to pick something up for a friend who is a fan. While walking around the ground, I decided to look up the price for the hotel attached to Stamford Bridge, The Millenium and Copthorne Hotel. IT WAS ALMOST THE SAME PRICE AS THE VERY DISAPPOINTING CHELSEA CLOISTERS!!! On my phone, I made a reservation and despite paying for a hotel that I never stayed in, I was extremely happy with how things turned out. I’m not a Chelsea fan. I don’t dislike them at a Man City level but I am happy to sing the praises of their hotel. It was the best place that we stayed at our entire trip!
Since there were no matches in the later part of the week, we did stadium tours. Our tour of Hotspur Stadium was eaten up by our hotel fiasco. Now that we were housed at Stamford Bridge, doing a stadium tour only made sense. We also ventured to Craven Cottage which was my favorite stadium that we visited. From its location on the river to the historic aspects of the ground, it just has a character all its own. The construction of the new hotel makes the place a work in progress but I’m hopeful that I’ll get the chance to visit when it is all done.
This photo is taken from our seats. AMAZING!
Everton vs Brighton – For Luke, the main attraction for the trip was going to the Everton match. Acquiring tickets was a bit more difficult this time around. For our last trip, I had bought tickets through the Everton USA supporters group. Unfortunately the club changed that process and the group was no longer able to purchase tickets for American fans. Luckily, a supporter who is a season ticket holder saw my post about my trip and offered to sell me his two seats for the Brighton match. It was probably the most stressful part of the trip for me because up until we were in Oxford, I wasn’t sure if they were going to come through. Not only were the tickets transferred, they were amazing seats! I won’t list his name here but I am so thankful that he made this part of the trip a joy for Luke. He was literally “over the moon” with where we were sitting. The performance by Everton…. left a decent amount to be desired but since we had seen them thrash ManU on the first trip, he took it in stride. Of course, the POSH won in Shrewsbury! Although I would have liked to have seen it, being with Luke for his last match in Goodison was worth it.
London to go home – Due to our great experience earlier in the week, I booked our last night in London at the hotel at Stamford Bridge. There was a match on that day which added a bit of atmosphere to the place. Luke begrudgingly went with me to the area of Richmond where Ted Lasso was filmed. Despite the several complaints that we were being “such tourists”, he took some photos of me in the area. I was mildly surprised how much of the area was used in the show. Even though it was a complete tourist trap, I still loved going there.
After another great trip (not in terms of results), the one thing that probably has stuck with me the most is what Luke said after the Brighton loss. He said that he “needed” a loss like that to really solidify his fandom. It’s easy to be a fan when everything is going your way. The more difficult thing is to stick around when everything isn’t.
This past week, I went to see Def Leppard in concert. It’s surprising how long it took for me to cross that off the bucket list, considering I’ve been a fan since a young age. The show was great and focused on their classic albums: Pyromania and Hysteria. Pyromania turned 40 this year! The longevity of the band is remarkable, especially when you consider their humble beginnings practicing in an abandon spoon factory. Although their starting spot was not ideal, they reportedly spent nine months polishing their sound. It was only at the insistence of their late guitarist, Steve Clark, that they finally got their first gig.
The backend of the Leppard story is like so many success stories…. easy to discount! Success viewed after the fact seems inevitable. It is anything but that. While I could go down the list of setbacks and tragedies that have been visited upon the band over the decades, it’s the spoon factory that I’m going to focus on. That’s the place where I believe so many of us live.
The spoon factory represents that place where so many of us hang out until the time is right. There are plenty of reasons why. Need more polish, education, funding, support, etc. but usually these problems are fixable. The real problem is fear. It stifles our genius and willingness to take a chance on ourselves.
So GET OUT OF THE SPOON FACTORY! Perhaps you’ll be the Def Leppard in your area of expertise. Or maybe you’ll be on the long list of those who didn’t make it. Either way, you’ll know for sure. And that’s what most of us are afraid of… knowing. We don’t want to know that we’re not good enough. We’d rather hide behind the excuses. The thing that most people forget is that when you aren’t good enough, you can get better. “Hello America” isn’t “Pour Some Sugar On Me” but you don’t get the latter without the former. The only thing produced in that factory of fear is a lot of excuses about why it didn’t happen.
Huryk Unlimited 