Tag: self awareness

Blogpost, self-reliance

Visits to Southport (A Reflection on Reflecting)

Pete Huryk

On my drive to the beach from Atlanta, my route took me closer to Southport, NC than I’ve been in years. It was once a place that I visited annually. Despite being the backdrop for several famous movies, I went to this very picturesque spot for the conversation. Each year I would go to Southport and meet my former professor for lunch and talk about our lives. Although he was no longer grading me and never would have said a negative thing about my life choices, I always used it as a measuring stick to decide whether or not I’d used my year well. If I was proud of the things that I had to tell him, then it was a good year. If I felt that I needed to avoid some less than proud moments, then I might have work to do before our next meeting.

The great thing about these little check-ins was that I recognized it and looked forward to it. There is no doubt that I loved and respected my mentor. That was what made our meetings so very special. Rather than bringing home a report card to show a letter grade, I got to tell my story to someone who truly wanted me to succeed while always knowing whether or not I was editing. It was a gift worth its weight in gold because between my story, his reactions and our discourse, I saw myself. It wasn’t a 100% accurate picture. More like one of those carnival mirrors that distorts your shape. This was a reflection of a realistically idealized version of myself that can be found most abundantly in parents and teachers. The people who see you as you are but also better than you are. They forgive your shortcomings while seeing your potential and possibly give you some credit for it before you reach it.

Unfortunately, those meetings are no longer available to me with that particular mentor. The world and I truly lost something when he passed on. Now I need to look at myself without him and wonder. What would he think of how I am handling this moment in time? If we were at the Provision Company having lunch, would I be squirming in my seat or relaxed in my skin? It’s not an overly difficult exercise to do on my own. He would be supportive and offer his bits of wisdom but avoid being too “preachy” and it would all circle back to Don Quixote somehow. At the moment, I just miss my friend.

Mirrors are a spectacular tool for seeing yourself as you are. Friends and mentors are sometimes a better tool for seeing the best version of yourself. When you find one that truly shows you the best things about yourself, I hope that you recognize it as I did. It is such a gift while you have it and it won’t last forever. So cherish it. You’ll never look so good as you do in the eyes of someone who truly loves you!

We are human storytellers.

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Coming Up Short

Pete Huryk

There are two Hollywood movies that chronicle the story of Steve Prefontaine from the 1990s: Without Limits and Prefontaine. Each have their positives and negatives but I’ve gone back to Without Limits far more often. The racing scenes are done much more effectively, especially the race from Munich that uses actor footage interlaced with footage from the real race. Since the events happened in the 70s and the movies were released in the 90s, I feel no shame in spoiling the fact that Steve Prefontaine takes fourth in the 5,000 meter. Despite a herculean effort to beat the best runners of the time, he came up short.

If the movies are at all accurate, the defeat shook a man who rode very much on his confidence. We never get to find out if he would have rebounded from the defeat because he dies tragically. Although the story is one of an athlete who failed to accomplish his dream, the scenes from that race are amazing especially the end. It shows a man who gave all that he could in the moment and not have quite enough. It is glorious! Glorious? That’s right glorious. Everyone wants to win! Everyone wants to be on top but most are unwilling to do all that it takes to get there and accept the risk of coming up short.

None of us wants to lose, fail or be second best. However taking the chance that it may happen is part of the deal. The guarantees in this world are for mediocre prizes. Anything worth having requires the risk coming up short. Each of us needs to assess our own level of risk taking but be willing to take a chance on something. One thing I can say for certain is that Steve Prefontaine wanted to win that race and left a piece of himself on that track. Coming up short is not the problem, never trying for anything that mattered is!

Give something, all that you have!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Not Sure How We Got Here

Pete Huryk

The beauty of movies, history books and our memories is that they are an incomplete record of occurrences that portray themselves as complete. A narrative can be created that is streamlined and economical. It can overlook unimportant routines like brushing one’s teeth or less public friendly activities. Also it allows for missteps, mistakes and blunders to be overlooked in favor of the favorable outcomes. This does not just make for better stories. It makes for better futures because we tend to forget how nervous we were on that date that ended up going well. We also tend to give our own actions a bit more credit than they possibly deserve. A bit fortunate timing or circumstance may have played into the success that we claim for ourselves.

The problem is that the reverse is also true. Our failures tend to belong to us. We erase or edit the factors that we had little to no control over in favor of our faults. There is also a tendency to make stories have an end that comes in a reasonable timeline. Failing at diet or relationship can seem like a finished story but even movies have sequels. There is no reason why trying again is off the table. Usually it is not due to a lack of opportunity but rather a lack of desire to fail again.

Regardless of who you are, there is a backstory that has brought you here. Most of it doesn’t matter. You’ve already edited most of it out. So as you move forward be ready, willing and able to recognize those moments that will end up cut from the final story. You don’t need to be perfect. None of us is! You are doing the exact same thing as everyone else. Trying to progress through your story. At this very second, you are existing due to mixture of intent, luck, fortune, misfortune, laziness, etc. Do your utmost to step forward into this day and make it memorable in the best possible way. While also keeping in mind that if does not live up to that billing, it will probably be forgotten. Often we do not have any clue what days are going to be memorable or not, so do the best that you can with the ones that you’re given.

Action!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Man of Golden Words

Pete Huryk

Music has always been a big part of my life. Different songs have become the soundtrack to years or even decades. Some hang on even longer than that and speak almost directly to something inside. One of those songs was written by Andrew Wood. An artist that died before I even heard any of his music but his impact on me and the musical landscape lingers on. He was the lead singer of a band called Mother Love Bone which almost directly preceded Pearl Jam. In addition to that, he was the roommate of Chris Cornell who reportedly the song “Man of Golden Words” is about.

It’s a relatively simple song with mainly piano and guitar played behind lyrics that are repetitive but poignant. Admittedly, Wood and I could not be more different. The reason that you’ve most likely never heard of him or Mother Love Bone is that he died of an overdose before his band could ride the wave of the Seattle music scene in the 1990s. Probably his greatest link to fame is his former bandmates who formed Pearl Jam and a tribute “band” called Temple of the Dog which is a lyric from this song. Despite his untimely demise, his impact was undeniable on the scene of the time and on individuals like myself thirty plus years later.

Each of us has within us both the propensity to give gifts that are more meaningful than they should be and also receive the same. The man of golden words doesn’t truly live because his words are not golden to everyone. Someone will read this and take the impetus to listen to the song and not hear what I hear. AND THAT’S OK! It’s not the catalyst for them but for me it has been and continues to be a form of rocket fuel for my soul. I put things out into the world regularly with my students, through this blog and other places simply in the hope that one person might have that golden words moment. We all need them! The world is often unforgiving and at the moment, it seems to take more energy than it gives. These gifts that we can put out into the world for others to find are so extremely important. It doesn’t need to be a song or a piece of art or anything more than sharing a moment with someone that lifts them up. The idea of being stingy with what you have is common place because you might not get back what you put out. I can never give back to Andrew Wood what he has given to me but I can pay it forward.

There are other souls in this world who are in need of golden words because they are hurting or just disillusioned. Our species is not defined simply by our flesh and blood. If it were, we’d have gone extinct long ago because we are mediocre animals. The thing that separates us is the ability to put meaning to things far beyond what is true. We elevate our thoughts and ourselves to heights that we should not be able to reach. However we do it regularly when we are inspired. Each of us has the ability to give and receive these types of gifts. Look for them and don’t be afraid to give them, even when you’ll never know the recipient.

Words and music, my only tools!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Adults Don’t Want White Belts

Pete Huryk

In several martial arts practices, the white belt is given to the novice. The person who is just beginning their journey gets the symbol with no color to it. Mostly this is not an issue because the beginner is often a child who does not get overly concerned with status. A lack of knowledge or prestige is not a problem. It is a matter of fact. However adults tend to not want to be white belts. Not just in martial arts but in anything. They avoid the new and difficult in favor of the known and simple. It is an exercise in ego protection rather than a strategy for growth and fulfillment.

So many of the forces in our lives are counterproductive to our progress as people. Although things like friends, family, education, culture, etc. should be forces on the side of our self-actualization; they tend to come with the baggage of expectation and comparison. This tends to thwart our efforts in invisible ways. Our desire to “stay the same”, “not look foolish”, or “get good grades” tend to override our natural inclination toward discovery. Ask any kindergartener about their ability to be president, make a movie, be an astronaut, and their confidence will astound. Adults tend to only be confident when criticizing the performance of others. When faced with their own shortcomings, the subject is quickly swept under the rug.

It’s never been a better time to be a white belt! Why? Because today is all that you get. If you’re not willing to try something new today, tomorrow you’ll be even less likely to go for it. We are creatures of habit and just like anything else avoiding the new and difficult is a routine. It must be broken in order to claim the prizes on the other side of being a beginner. It is hard. It is humbling but it is necessary! So put on your white belt and try something new. At bare minimum, you’ll learn that you’re not perfect and that’s something we all need to remember from time to time.

Beginner and failure are not the same things!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Is The Cave Necessary?

Pete Huryk

As I’ve been spending a lot of time on a stationary bike recently, my movie watching has shot up dramatically. At the moment, I’m delving back into older films. Today I started the original Iron Man movie that began the MCU. Tony Stark begins his journey as a superhero in a cave with a man named Yinsen. Up until that point, he is completely self-interested and almost gluttonous in his life’s pursuits. In the cave, he goes through a transition where he must consider his mortality, legacy and future. Physically weakened and with limited resources, he is able to devise a plan for his own escape and embarks on a path toward a more selfless role. He went into the cave as one man and came out another. Although his abilities had not changed, his perspective and his decisions had. DRASTICALLY!

Each of us has certain abilities. At times we do not get the absolute best out of our potential. We know that we “should” do one thing or another but often we don’t. That is UNTIL we hit a “cave” moment where we are forced to look at ourselves from the outside and emerge different. It’s not easy because we usually don’t go into the cave by choice. An event usually puts us there. We always had the ability to change but comfort in our present situation usually stops us. The cave is a catalyst because our comfort is stripped from us. Through the discomfort we feel compelled into action but it could have been done at any time.

The cave isn’t usually necessary but often it is the thing that truly works. Human beings are odd creatures who find all manner of reasons to do the wrong things but often must be forced into doing the right. Circumstances are a great motivator but wouldn’t you rather do something because you want to and not because you have to? All it truly takes is a change in perspective and decisions. You can save yourself before you’re truly in peril!

Be your own superhero today!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

What’s In a Name?

Pete Huryk

Recently I met a new friend who by her estimation has a very “feminine” name and has always lamented it. As an athlete, she wanted to have a name that was more unisex or possibly even “tougher”. On the one hand, I see her point. Around the time that my kids were born, I lobbied for the name Cuauhtemoc, half-heartedly. It was the name of the last Aztec king who revolted against the Spanish. Almost the reverse concept of Johnny Cash song, “A Boy Named Sue”, my hope was that a name might add to my child’s identity. Alas, I didn’t follow through with it but I did choose not to make my son the fourth in line of Peters.

With all of that said, there is something about a name that establishes a partial identity. I can’t say definitively but Einstein may have ended up differently if his name had been Hercules. Much like DNA, a name can set the wheels in motion toward particular traits. However it is far from complete. The individual must express those traits regularly. A person is not destined to a particular life based solely on their name.

So my friend can take heart. A name is only part of the story, each of us must define ourselves through our actions on a regular basis. It’s possible to be a badass without being named, Attila the Hun. Although it may help, Attila made his name memorable. The same is true for any of us. There was a time when Elon Musk had almost no meaning to anyone but him and family/friends. Your name is important but most of the meaning is what you put into it!

Live up to your name, or make your name moniker for greatness!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Right Now!

Pete Huryk

It’s 9:09pm! That’s similar to something that my teenage self wrote in every yearbook that I signed. The first page of our annual had the title to the popular Van Halen song at the top. As a wise-cracking teenager, I took the opportunity to point out only the time that I signed, not realizing that the moment for me to make a true mark was possibly passing me by. It’s part of being a teenager in so many ways. The desire for the next step while discounting the one that you are on in the moment. Most likely it is inherent to that time in life because a lack of experience and loss lends itself toward being frivolous without regret.

Right now! is a different time. The years have built up so much in the rearview mirror that I’ve been forced to know that 5 years in the future is tomorrow. So grasping onto the moment is a skill that needs to be developed. A white knuckle grip on the things that really matter becomes the order of the day. Like catching river water with your bare hands, it’s futile to expect that you’re going to be able to hang onto anything but enjoying the feeling as it flows past is probably the point. I’m definitely not very skilled at it. Often I lose myself in the trivial but also try to make the mundane magical. None of this is a superpower or cause for special attention. It is merely the state of being an older human who has made the realization.

The realization is that RIGHT NOW is all that you get. There is nothing else. Your past is an accumulation of old right nows that you’ve distorted. While the future is an infinite field of possible right nows that won’t turn into anything until the moment that you get there. So do what you can with it because you’re not going to get another one just like this. Even if your days seem like they are repeat, that’s your opportunity to pull yourself back into the moment. It’s all you get.

What are you waiting for?

Pete

RIGHT NOW!

Don’t want to wait ’til tomorrow
Why put it off another day?
One more walk through problems
Built-up and stands in our way, ahOne step ahead, one step behind me
Now you gotta run to get even
Make future plans or dream about yesterday, hey
C’mon turn, turn this thing around, hey
It’s your tomorrow
(Right now),
C’mon, it’s everything
(Right now),
Catch a magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everythingMiss the beat, you lose the rhythm
And nothing falls into place, no
Only missed by a fraction
Slipped a little off your pace, ohThe more things you get, the more you want
Just trade in one for the other
Workin’ so hard, to make it easier, whoa
Got to turn, c’mon turn this thing around, hey
It’s your tomorrow
(Right now)
C’mon, it’s everything
(Right now)
Catch that magic moment, do it
Right here and now
It means everything
It’s enlightened me, right now
What are you waitin’ for?
Oh, yeah, right now, hey
It’s your tomorrow
(Right now)
C’mon, it’s everything
(Right now)
Catch that magic moment, and do it right, right now
Oh, right now
It’s what’s happening
Right here and now
Right now
It’s right now
Oh
Tell me, what are you waiting for?
Turn this thing around

Blogpost, self-reliance, SoccerLifeBalance

True to Form

Pete Huryk

It’s a pretty typical thing in soccer to describe a player as “in form.” Consistent performance is something that people value from players regardless of the level. The markers for form vary from position to position and league to league. Despite the fact there is variation, people know when a player is in form.

Most of us are never going to play professionally, so the idea of being in form is largely irrelevant. The more important factor in most of our lives would be the concept of being “true to form.” In my mind; this is the idea of showing up the same way over and over again. People know what to expect from you before you get there. This may fly in the face of being your “authentic self”. However, the idea of being whomever you want at any given moment is unrealistic anyway. It is far more powerful to be a person that people know and understand. Be true to form.

It may look foolish now but at the time, we LOVED these jerseys!

The final piece to this that I’d like to add is keep improving your form. Incrementally get better over time in whatever matters to you. Consistency is a valuable characteristic but who you are today should never be the goal. People love you exactly as you are but sometimes that’s problematic. You are not a finished article! Keep developing the person that you are into better and better versions. Use the years of your life like the codes to a computer program. Excel 2.1 should be better than 2.0. Different to say the least but hopefully better in many ways.

Stay true to form but keep that form improving!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Grunts and Groans

Pete Huryk

There was a time when language did not exist as it does today. Communication was a series of grunts, groans and gestures (I work with teenagers, so this still exists). Over time, those simplistic sounds became consistent enough that meaning could be attributed to a particular sound or set of sounds. That developed into words, then phrases and you get the idea. We were once dealing on a very simple level and now we are much more complex. A caveman would not understand our language but might eventually get there after much frustration. As a language teacher, I see this frustration regularly. People tend to want to jump from knowing nothing to being fluent in an instant. That’s not the way it works. We need to go through the grunts and groans.

As each of us looks to begin a new endeavor, the grunts and the groans are almost a right of passage. That time where you know absolutely nothing, everything is hard and you have the added frustration of not knowing if you’ll ever get there. This is part of the deal but that doesn’t make it any easier. The question that you need to ask yourself is whether or not the fluency will be worth it. If you project out to the future and you achieve your goal, how would you feel about the grunts and the groans period? Would you still feel ashamed or would there be a sense of pride about what you accomplished? My guess is that there would be all kinds of positives gathered from the experience. Self-esteem from persevering, learning about the process, pride in accomplishment and so many more. Those grunts and groans were not meaningless! They were necessary and valuable. We can wish that they weren’t necessary at the beginning and sometimes forget them after the fact. However, much of our lives are grunts and groans. Trying to make something out of nothing when we don’t fully understand.

So if you’re in a time of grunts and groans, try not to get frustrated by them. You need them! Everyone who has ever done what you’re doing had to go through them. It may take longer or shorter for you but that’s not for you to decide. Keep on going! You’ll find your way eventually if you want it badly enough.

Hmmhahahmmmha. Know what I mean?!?!

Pete