Tag: self awareness

Blogpost, self-reliance

The High Cost of Cheap Feelings

Pete Huryk

The problem with most of the knowledge that people need is that it’s so simple, it’s easy to discount. Although there is a definite effort to confuse arguments from a variety of forces, the answers are all pretty simple. Health is dependent upon diet and exercise. In the moment, the choice between the apple and the candy bar isn’t difficult on an informational level. It’s difficult on an emotional level. The candy bar promises feelings that the apple doesn’t. For each individual the draw could be for different reasons and varied intensities. Regardless, the candy bar exists in this world because it is a ticket to “cheap feelings”. A momentary hit of a pleasurable chemical inside of the brain. Unfortunately, these cheap feelings tend to come with a high cost.

The allure of cheap feelings is that they come RIGHT NOW! They feed into our desire for instant gratification. AND the high costs that come along with them are deferred payments. The hangover from the alcohol doesn’t come until tomorrow. Extra weight doesn’t show up for a few weeks or months. The realization that your dreams have passed you by through procrastination may not come for years. Regardless of the particular cheap feelings that you indulge in, they all have a price to be paid later.

The beautiful thing about the human mind is that it can be trained. It is an obedient “animal” if its master is attentive. Since the decisions are not difficult on an informational level, we simply need to train the emotion out of the decision or more accurate attach new emotions to the right decision. We know what to do! We just need to do it consistently enough that our brain buys into the training. Every single dog in the world wants to chase after the squirrel! Some don’t because they’ve been trained not to. PLEASE don’t get offended by my comparing your mind to an obedient dog. That’s a cheap feeling too! It’s easier to get mad at me for the perceived slight than look in the mirror long enough to say “I can do better in __________ area.”

Training takes time, effort and attention. Give all three to a component of your life that you’ve been paying the high cost of cheap feelings. Eventually they’ll be replaced with feelings that are more pervasive and positive. Rather than the momentary rush of excitement with the candy bar, you get the overarching feeling of well-being, health or pride. These types of feeling require daily payments for long durations but eventually they spit out dividends that far exceed the amount put in.

Tell the cheap feelings that you’re not for sale!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Partially Blind Date

Pete Huryk

My grandparents met on a blind date. I’m not even sure if that is possible anymore since we are so interconnected. The idea that a person would be willing to walk into a date with no frame of reference in today’s world seems almost laughable. Despite what they may say, people usually don’t like surprises. They like surprises that they want. The true unknown is a completely different story. In our next day delivery, free returns, 5 star customer review culture, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would accept the “fully blind date.” However, it also seems that people like to believe that they know more than they do. No matter how well you know someone. It’s still a partially blind or vision impaired date.

All of our perceptions of people and situations are filtered through our own experience. So no matter how “objective” we think that we are being, we cannot fully let go of our biases and predispositions. Being judgmental and superficial is not new but those muscles have been put on steroids through major media and social media. We are not blinded by a lack of visible content. We are partially blinded by too much of a variety of cues, shortcuts and presuppositions. It’s so much easier than getting to know someone, over time. Assuming that we know a person based on their political beliefs, clothing preferences or social groups is a comfortable shorthand that we employ with new people. Our old friends and loved ones got the benefit of the doubt years ago. Now, we just don’t have time!

Perhaps we’re actually missing out on something. Maybe my grandparents were more fortunate than we realize. If I can avoid it, I’d like to find out who you are without mixing it up too much with who I think you are. By seeing people with “blind eyes”, maybe we would be able to let go of some of the frustration, anxiety and judgment that is so pervasive at the moment. We bring it to the table with us. Perhaps we could leave it behind. We’ve all got blindspots about our relationships with people. Even the person that you know best (you), you don’t know 100%. Recognizing that we’re at least partially blind might be a good step toward seeing the world a little better.

I’d like for you to meet someone!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Excitement of the “Same Path”

Pete Huryk

Over the weekend, I got the opportunity to go see Top Gun: Maverick. There are no true spoilers below other than the path is similar. That shouldn’t be a huge surprise to anyone who has seen a movie, read a book or heard an epic story. We’ve been telling the same story for centuries but just changed the names of the characters. Joseph Campbell’s works on the subject are the blueprint. We seem to love going down the “same path” with familiar friends.

The “Hero’s Journey” is one that we identify with worldwide because we’d like to put ourselves into the story. We exist from one perspective and we cannot escape that. However, hearing or seeing tales of idealized figures for us to emulate in some basic way allows us to become a bigger version of ourselves. We can see the possibility in the space between where we are and where we’d like to be. The hero’s journey is enticing because it is both predictable and exciting at once. We know that in the end everything is going to work out fine. However, the path is fraught with danger and losing people along the way is possible. It’s not a clear path, just a recognizable one.

So tomorrow, you’ll be called to action in some way. That’s how the hero’s journey always begins. Perhaps it is something small but we all get to choose whether we’ll answer the calls that come our way. We’re probably not saving the world or even a cat but we are still the protagonist in the only story that matters: our story. So no matter how identifiable your path is, find a way to get excited about the possibility that lies within it. Only you get to make that choice. We’ve been telling the same stories for generations. Now it’s your turn to write yours with your actions!

Turn and burn!

Pete

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The High Ceiling and Perception

Pete Huryk

While visiting my brothers in Maryland, I did my swimming at totally different YMCA. The ceiling was so much higher than my normal location. It made the pool seem like it was shorter in distance. As if it were less than the standard 25 meters that I was used to. My times were also a bit faster which added to the confusion. In the end, I confirmed that it was my perception and not the pool that was different. The ceiling was just higher!

It’s an odd thing! Our perception can be thrown by so many things. We’d like to believe that the variables are outside of us. Unfortunately we are a variable! Our senses are nowhere near as accurate as we’d like to believe! However there is something to be learned from my swimming experience. A higher ceiling makes the distance that needs to be traveled seen shorter. It doesn’t decrease it. It only makes it seem shorter. So perhaps the lesson is that we should have higher ceilings for ourselves in order to make the work seem shorter by comparison. When our goals are close by, the component pieces to get there feel big. Grander goals actually gives us the space to feel less oppressed.

Shoot for the stars! Why the hell not? The inspiration and perspective that comes along with it will be well worth it! The practicality of most of our dreams deadens our sense of adventure and excitement. We thrive on the idea that we’re doing something BIG! Practicality isn’t our friend. It’s a low ceiling that makes everything seem close and oppressive.

Raise the roof!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Going The Distance!

Pete Huryk

This phrase has so many connotations to it! The most powerful for me is the link to the original Rocky movie and his desire simply to withstand the onslaught of a superior opponent. Later in my life, it was co-opted for a moronic song (in my opinion) by a band called Cake. I hate that I even mentioned it because it is bound to stick in my head for a while. Lately this has been a way of life. As I am preparing for my second sprint triathlon, my daily practice is quite simply to “go the distance” that I have set in front of myself. Whether it is 1000 meters in the pool or 5 miles worth of running, there is a distance to be covered and I must do it!

None of this sounds overly inspirational or grandiose. And the truth is that on the one hand it’s not! Hours in the pool, on the bike or on the run are spent largely alone with your own thoughts. Many pictures, ideas and questions pass through your mind and one of the major ones is: why am I doing this? I am not a professional athlete and my performance is bound to be largely mediocre when compared with the other people on the day of the race. So why bother? Because we don’t have to anymore!

There used to be a necessity to running long distances in order to track down an animal for the family or tribe. We no longer have to do that. So we need to put distances in front of ourselves. Some of these are metaphorical and others are literal but we need them. Our very existence cries out for us to put forth effort toward something of value. At one point, it was the hunt in order to feed ourselves and others. Now we have a much less concrete job of feeding our souls with a purpose that we must create. We must create meaning behind the distances that we cover. On the other side of those meters, kilometers and miles are hope, fulfillment, passion, love and excitement. No one else can put it there for us. We must create it, fashion it and sustain it because the truth is that we don’t have to.

Going back to the beginning, that is why the story of Rocky is so glorious. He didn’t have to go the distance. There was nothing extra for him in the way of money or accolades. He merely put it in front of himself in order to prove it to himself. “I’m going to know for the first time in my life that I weren’t just another bum from the neighborhood.” We all have a distance that we need to go. Just be sure that you’re challenging yourself. That is when things get inspirational and grandiose. If we are challenging the self that we thought that we were. Taking on the challenge of going far enough, long enough that we come out on the other side as a new person. A better version of us that is more prepared than before.

Ding, ding!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Oars For Your Speedboat!

Pete Huryk

It’s easy to get caught up in how things are “supposed to be”! A speed boat is supposed to go fast, induce a rush of adrenaline and glide across the water with ease. That’s what a speedboat is supposed to do. BUT what about when it doesn’t? What happens when there is an engine malfunction or an electrical problem? The anticipation of how things are supposed to be are not connected to how they are! It’s possible that when things break down, that oars might be necessary on your speedboat.

None of us prays for hard times or difficulties. We do not want to be stranded, troubled or defeated. The reality of life is that from time to time, it’s going to happen to each of us. Those circumstances do not say anything about us as people. Falling on hard times does not make anyone a bad person. The reaction to those hard times is more important. Becoming seduced by a preconception of a status quo of ease and comfort is not likely to produce the fortitude necessary for hard times.

So OARS! Your speedboat may need them from time to time because muscles and work may have to get you “unstuck” from a situation. It may not be the picture of perfection but perhaps that forward rowing motion will get the engine started again. A speedboat may be designed for fast but that will always be a relative term. Slow is infinitely faster than standing still!

I am SPEED!

Pete

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We’re All Roller Skating

Pete Huryk

My grandmother worked at a roller rink for my entire childhood. Despite that fact, I didn’t get “good” at roller skating until there was a rink in my hometown. For a few months, at most a year, it was the place for every teenager to hang out on a Friday night. I definitely got slapped across the face for skating “too close” to a girl by my then girlfriend but I digress! Putting wheels on our feet is a recipe for disaster in so many ways but it’s similar to the way we travel through the world.

Most of us are off balance and uncomfortable but trying our best to look cool and not fall flat on our faces. Some people really have it all figured out but they often get ridiculed for trying too hard or being odd. There’s probably a portion of each of us that’s jealous of those roller maestros but getting really good would probably require a ton of experimentation and painful falls. In the end, it’s easier to stay safe and average rather than get really good at something that could prove to be a fad or get us ridiculed. Why chance it, right?

The truth is that most of the people that you’re worried about judging you for falling on your face are just as scared and will be gone in a moment. The people who came with you will help you get up if they can. If they’re off balance too maybe it’s best that they focus on themselves. You’re more than capable of getting back in your feet by yourself! All you have is an unpredictable number of songs to get in your number of laps around the floor. The disco ball is spinning and this is your chance to shine. It will surely hurt when you fall but it will probably hurt worse at the end of the night if you just played it safe!

Lace ‘Em Up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

CPR on Your Dreams

Pete Huryk

Keeping things alive is often the order of the day. If you’re a parent of a newborn, it’s directive number one. Farmers need to keep their crops alive through nourishment and protection. CEOs and other employees are charged with keeping their company alive. CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) is a last heroic effort to save someone who is dying. It’s not a long term plan. It’s a last ditch effort! Because it’s coming from the outside! However the mechanism that is in place within your chest keeps your heart beating for a lifetime because it is designed to do so. Our dreams can work very similarly. They are easier to keep alive from within rather than from outside.

Despite the simplicity of this statement, most of us still want CPR on our dreams. We want other people, “the world” or circumstances to align in order to keep our dreams alive. The problem is that just like regular CPR, it is only a short term answer. We need to keep our dreams alive through a Continuous Passion Reinvestment. Passion is an emotional state that can breed life into almost any project but it cannot be an occasional thing! The passion for that dream needs to come as Continuously as possible. The last piece is a Reinvestment. Small successes along the way are not particularly times over-celebrate, the energy needs to be reinvested back into the project. It’s not over! Most dreams are lifelong pursuits. So never think that the heart can stop beating. It needs to be healthy and thriving.

No matter the acronym that you want to use, you need keep your dreams alive and thriving. No one else will care enough to do it for you! It needs to be like a heartbeat. Otherwise it’s just a lot of chest-pounding that may or may not do anything. The inside is where it starts!

Staying Alive!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

5 Advantages I Have Over Bill Gates

Pete Huryk

Recognize as you begin to read that I am fully aware that Bill Gates has far more advantages over me. However, if all you do is dismiss the points below, then you forfeit access to the gift that comes from reading to the bottom.

  1. Years – Bill Gates probably doesn’t have as many years left on the planet as I do. It’s possible that I could have some tragic accident but in lifespan possibility, I have the upper hand.
  2. Scrutiny – I have the major advantage of fewer eyeballs watching. When I make a mistake, it’s possible that no one knows or is affected. When Bill makes a blunder, it’s possible that it could be broadcast worldwide.
  3. Expectation – Uncle Bill has far more people counting on him for their livelihood and well-being. He’s also set the bar extremely high for himself. Sure! He can kick back and vacation for the rest of his life but any project that he takes on needs to be epic.
  4. Villains – It’s far easier for me to ward off leeches and frenemies because there are very few people in this world looking to sponge off of someone at my station in life. Mr. Gates, on the other hand, probably has a team of people who are in charge of defending, deflecting and disabling threats inside and outside his circles.
  5. Ceilings – Billy boy has far less room to improve in his areas of core competence. He’s already been the “best in the world” at one point. The chances of his returning to that level is unlikely.

Obviously these are all based on the simple premise of finding the weakness in something that most people would consider a strength. With the exception of time which is an opponent that we all must face; fame, responsibility and talent are all things that people desire. Am I just trying to blow sunshine up my own rear end? Hardly! This is an exercise in perspective. It’s an extreme one to be sure. Finding the chinks in the armor of someone who revolutionized the computing world and is now a humanitarian isn’t easy. However, each of us has our own advantages and disadvantages. One of the greatest is our own perspective. Rich people make themselves poor, strong people make themselves weak and beloved people feel alone because of their perspective on what they see from the world. The reverse can also be true and any gradient in between.

So it’s really on us! We have to see the world in a way that helps us move forward or lifts us up rather than holds us back. There’s evidence for both. If you look long enough, you’ll find all of the reasons why you’re disadvantaged, unlikely to succeed and useless! The same is also true that if you look long enough, you’ll find all of the reasons why you’re special, a juggernaut of talent and resourceful! It’s all in the perspective that you decide to take and no matter what anyone else tells you, you can discount them. It’s all happening upstairs! So whether you’re Bill Gates or not, you’ve got advantages that need to be used for the betterment of your life and the people that you care about. See them, believe them and be them!

Think differently! (whoops isn’t that an Apple thing?)

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Ingredients of Your Future

Pete Huryk

At a very young age, I started helping my mom bake. In the beginning, my brothers and I were given the ability to use the cookie cutters to make our favorite designs for Christmas cookies. Eventually, we added ingredients, used the mixer and all other jobs associated. My comfort in a kitchen probably comes from the fact that I’ve been doing it for so long. There are sometimes when my mom would have to follow a recipe and others when she would just “wing it” because she’d done it so many times before. After years of baking, she had all of the basic ingredients at the ready and specialty items were available when the recipe called for it. The kitchen had a spice everything that it needed. Our job was simply to add the right amount of each ingredient to get the desired result.

Life surprisingly is about the same. The problem is that most of us have gotten so used to making the same recipe that we don’t ever set ourselves up for much else. There are certain items in both baking and life that are almost always going to show up.

Flour, salt and sugar– Much like breathing, drinking and eating; these are constants in almost every single successful recipe. The question is how much and the quality of that ingredient. It’s possible to get by with poor quality in all of these but the end product is bound to suffer. Getting these right won’t particularly win you a place on the podium at the county bake-off but it can balance out mistakes in smaller quantity ingredients.

Other Ingredients– Taking on a new recipe requires looking at the list of ingredients and making sure that you have what you need. Often in life, we’ve gotten so used to making the same things, day in and day out. We never even consider or conceptualize the fact that life could be any different. The thought of breaking from that which we did yesterday is not considered because we are largely on autopilot. We are running a thought, emotion and action program that we’ve run for years possibly decades. Humans have thousands of thoughts everyday. The problem is that most of the thoughts that we are having today are the same ones that we had yesterday and the day before. The same thoughts and emotions largely lead to the same actions. Therefore change is highly unlikely unless something breaks us from our cycle. This is why traumatic events often lead to people making life altering shifts. It breaks the cycles of familiarity but we don’t need or particularly want trauma to change.

The other ingredients that are crucial to deliberate change are meditation and visualization. They do not particularly have to come in that order but both are necessary. Meditation is critical, especially today, because we need to regain control of the mind. With all that is being thrown at us in the way of stimuli, we need to take the time to detach from all of the demands that others have for our attention and put it back into the moment. If we are able to detach from all of the noise outside and get our mind quiet and it is more possible to inject new thoughts and emotional patterns.

Visualization is also a key ingredient for change because we need to be able to see a new future in our mind’s eye before it shows up in reality. The world is full of secondhand products because almost everything had to be created in the mind of someone first. The phone or laptop that you’re reading this on was an idea before it became reality. The words that I’m writing. The wire that’s carrying electricity to the light bulb where you are. It was all conceived in the mind first. If you are able to get your mind still, then focus it intently on the things that you want, you’re more likely to see that end product arrive. Of course there is action to be done! Since the thoughts and feelings need to fall into place first, they are the necessary step that brings about the action.

There are so many possible outcomes for a day. Like baking a cake, cookies or any other thing, it is your job to take the ingredients that you have and put it together into something palatable. If your situation is distasteful then you need to envision something else and take action in that direction. The ingredients cannot put itself together. That’s your job and you’ll continue to get the same old, same old until you’re willing to see something different inside of your mind.

Bon appetit!

Pete

PS – One of my favorite comedy bits!