Tag: relationships

There are so many different ways to look at this two word combination.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” is the girl and the guy who seem diametrically opposed at the beginning of the movie will end up together. It’s predictable and trite but satisfying to their base viewership.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” that many companies made is that the thing you bought will work as long as you own it. There’s usually a bunch of fine print that comes along with it. And for the most part, the seller is hoping that you’ll forget that they guaranteed anything. They want you to feel happy at the time of purchase and them to feel happy after that.

I’m not willing to make either of those guarantees. They both seem slightly dishonest. That’s what makes guarantees so tricky. There are so many variables in any situation that guaranteeing anything is akin to gambling. So I’m going to put the most blunt thing first and build out from there.

The first “Lifetime Guarantee” is that you’re going to die! Whoa! Dark… Morbid… Whatever! It’s a fact that we need to embrace to make moments matter. Infinite things have no value. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

Life is going to have different times. That I can guarantee. There will be seasons to everyone’s life. Expecting today and tomorrow to be the same is foolhardy. While we can hope for good or better times, it’s usually on us to adjust our sails rather than expect favorable winds.

The time of your life may not take a lifetime to find. I cannot guarantee this. This is one of those variable situations. At some point in your life, you’re going to have the time of your life but you’re not going to know that because a better time could be on the horizon. So balancing optimistic search with recognition and gratitude is a skill that must be developed. If that day on the playground in first grade was as good as it’s going to get, then why bother? Great things need to be in front of us and we need to have evidence that supports that hope.

Your lifetime belongs to you. I guarantee it. Waiting for someone else to come in and overhaul it to your specifications is guaranteed not to work. Your life and your time are two of the resources that you have at your disposal. Use them both to make the other better. In time your life is going to run out, we talked about it earlier. So waiting to start living your life makes no sense. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Teddy Roosevelt. I’d add in “with the ones you love (when possible)”

Guarantees are few in this life. So use your time wisely!

Pete

In mid April on a Sunday afternoon in 2007, I had a great day! My son’s first birthday party was a collection of family, friends, presents and positivity for the future. It wasn’t perfection but it was pretty great! The next day changed all of that for a while. On the campus of Virginia Tech, the worst side of humanity reared its ugly head and it sent me spiraling. Perhaps it was only the proximity of the two events that caused the issue but I was overrun with guilt. How could I bring a child into a world where that type of hate was possible? For about two months, I was in the closest thing that I can equate to a depression. Eventually, the thing that preceded the downturn got me out of it, my son. No matter what had happened, I had a responsibility to show up for him. Not only to protect him from things until was able to take that on himself but to be a force for good. The world was not inherently evil or good. I had the opportunity to “color” the world through my actions.

So I pose the very ambiguous question again. Whose job is it? Whose job is it to make sure that I show up as the best version of myself today? The answer is simple and we all know it, it’s mine! It also comes linked with a word that many people don’t like, RESPONSIBILITY. It’s a daunting word but let’s break it down. Response ability, the ability to respond (not react) to a situation.

It’s that major ingredient that is the base for our progress as people. I needed to take it when I had a one year old son despite my guilt. Even Billy Madison, the buffoon who needed to repeat school to prove to dad he wasn’t a fool, understood responsibility. “You don’t just look for an hour and call it quits! You get your a$$ out there and find that f—-ing dog!”

Now that it’s pretty certain whose job it is, embrace it! The best version of you is available. Lean into it. When you fall short, respond with another attempt. The people around you need a great version of you whenever they can get it.

Peace! I’m outta here!

Pete

They’re the beautiful architecture of children usually! It’s a beauty that’s not really found in the craftsmanship because the material are haphazard and stability almost nonexistent. The key ingredient to the beauty of a pillow fort is the belief of its builder. The imagination and wonder that goes into something so flimsy… so temporary. Yet they love it because it’s theirs and it took the mundane and made it magical!

At certain point, we stop making pillow forts. Not because we lack the time or materials but rather the imagination. We see only utility and not possibility. The function and the thing become one until our world is filled with single use items.

We’re all pillow forts! Temporary structures that were born out of imagination and love. Perhaps today is a great day to get that magic back! Breathe life back into that thing that you know won’t last forever but maybe you can see it anew. Re-envision it with a childlike joy!

Or wait ‘til it falls apart or a single purpose person tears it back down to its most basic form.

Both are a choice! And now you’re probably old enough to make it on your own!

Pete

Staring down a deadline that I set for myself to write something by 11pm. Here it is 10:49 and several drafts in the technological trash. Yet I persist! Chances are that this won’t be the best piece of writing that I’ve ever produced. That’s ok! The point isn’t to get your best each time. It’s showing up again and taking a swing. Because none of it is easy.

While our search for easier situations has largely led to just different hard circumstances, we seem to insist that easy is out there somewhere. That something of value can be received with little effort and no long term cost. I’m not sure that I’m buying it anymore. None of it is easy!

But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be joyous, exciting, moving and life altering as well. It’s just that none of it is easy. So tomorrow by 11pm, another piece of writing will be showing up here and none of that will be easy. But I’m looking forward to it because basically that’s the only way we can truly look.

Onward, Forward!

Pete

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot in terms of recipes. As a kid, I was always helping my mom bake cookies or create a concoction of my own in the kitchen that may or may not have been delicious/edible. It seems like people bake and cook a little bit less these days. Not sure if that is restaurant culture, laziness, pre-prepped meals or all of the above. Regardless, recipes don’t seem to hold the same importance that they used to. Despite the shift in the cooking paradigm, people are usually looking for a short cut or hack to success. So I decided to go in the other direction and put down a recipe for failure. In theory, if you were to play George Costanza and do the opposite, that could avoid failure or lead to success.

• View Other People as Special/Talented – That’s right! The people who are getting the results that you want were just born lucky. They have talents that can’t be taught/learned/trained. God or whatever you believe in has just shined a light on them and completely forgot about you. Don’t bother trying because you haven’t got it!
• Make Up Excuses – There are plenty of reasons that you’re not getting what you want and they’re beyond your control. Every conceivable thing that could go against you keeps showing up. It’s not your fault! It’s the weather, the timing, the market, the coach, the referee, the president, your parents, lady luck, Kevin frickin’ Bacon and the Boogey Man. You can’t do it because _____________________. And whatever you put in that blank is 100% legitimate!
• Put It Off Until Tomorrow – This is a great plan because tomorrow will definitely be better! You’ll be more rested, have a clearer head and more time. That’s a very common thing. More time shows after you’ve decided not to use now. Now is very overwhelming. Tomorrow, next week, next month or next year provide a buffer that is 100% necessary.
• Believe That It’s Not Important – It really didn’t matter that much anyway! Getting that goal, climbing that mountain, defeating that opponent, etc. It wouldn’t have changed who you are. You’re still you. It doesn’t matter what anyone does because eventually we’ll all be gone anyway. So don’t bother because it doesn’t really matter.
• Let Other People Stop You – Their opinions, approval, encouragement, etc. are either forces that you can’t overcome or things you can’t live without. So until you get high level clearance with a marching band, cheerleaders and a 100% approval rating, don’t lift a finger because the backlash, “I told you so’s”, judgment and disdain are going to be too much for you to handle!

At a certain point while writing those, I started to feel ridiculous. For two reasons: 1. the recipe is inherently ridiculous and 2. I’ve done all of these things before. I didn’t voice the thoughts to myself like I did in the examples, I just did the action. This recipe isn’t complete of course. You can add all kinds of garnishes and extras but these are majors.

Any time that you’re considering doing one these things recognize that they ruin a success “recipe” if you add too much. It’s not a judgmental thing. We’ve all done these before and will do them again. The idea is not perfection. It’s getting things done because you can!

Bon Apetit!

Pete

For many people in an older generation, these two words are associated with a song sung by Frank Sinatra. Although “Old Blue Eyes” didn’t write the song (Paul Anka did), it is one of his most famous. In the end it’s been reported that he didn’t really like it. Which brings me to my association to the phrase “my way.” In the movie, The Princess Bride, Fezzik is told to kill the ‘Man in Black’ by hitting him in the head with a rock. This order was given to him by Vizzini who was inconceivably outwitted by that same ‘Man in Black’ later.

After a little reflection, Fezzik decides that “his way” is not very sportsmanlike. So he decides to fight the ‘Man in Black’ hand to hand. He loses the fight despite his greater size and strength. However, the outcome leads him back to his friend and a new adventure rather than continued servitude to an abusive “genius.” The fact that he didn’t like his way and felt the need to change it lead him to a new path.

We are all on a journey to adventures and destinations that may not be predictable. By all means, if “your way” is working for you, stick with it. I’m not here to play Vizzini and tell you how to take care of your tasks. My only reason for the post is that if “my way” has become a rut that is pulling you off the path to where you want to go, change your “my way.” No matter what you do, it will be “my way” until you stop listening to the gut, the heart, the head or the cajones. One or a combination of these will usually tell you what’s what. But it’s never going to be perfect and the ownership of doing it “my way” makes failure a bit easier to swallow.

“I just want you to fell you’re doing well.” – Fezzik

Pete