Tag: life

Blogpost, self-reliance, Uncategorized

One Way and Two Way Doors

Pete Huryk

From time to time, I delve back into old video games for a stress reliever (or procrastination tool). One of my favorite throwbacks is the original “Legend of Zelda”. It’s familiar with a few challenges along the way. Especially in the later levels, some doors are two way and others are one way doors. Meaning that some doors you can go through and decide to turn back (two way doors) while others once you’re through, you can’t go back (one way). In quite a few instances, going through the wrong one way door can force you onto a long path to get back to the same spot. Needless to say, recognizing the difference between one way and two way doors is crucial to success.

Recently, I listened to an episode of Impact Theory with one of the founders of Netflix who talked about this concept in business. Even though he was looking at it from a business context, it’s a powerful concept to use in life. Some doors are one way doors and you can never come back.

The problem is not the fact that one way doors exist. More often it’s our inability (unwillingness) to recognize one way doors before we walk through them. That decision to cheat, say a hurtful thing, take that extra drink, not send the message, etc. can all be one way doors because you can’t get back. The unseen (or not respected) consequences are looming out there. Even though we may not want them, we invite them in through our own actions. And just like Zelda, often by the time that you realize it’s a one way door, it’s too late! My general disposition in this world is a positive one. So, I want to offer up a more proactive spin on one way doors because two way doors already inherently have a “get back” quality.

The other thing that is possible is to create one way doors for yourself. Having the self-discipline to go in a direction and never look back. People do it all the time for positive reasons. Turning their back on alcohol, drugs, sweets or other anchoring forces. Recognizing this ability is extremely powerful. Being a creator of one way doors means that you have self-control. The ability to say something and stand by it. Being a person who can keep their commitments, not just to other people but to yourself. That means that you’re not a victim of circumstances but rather a creator of circumstances. It becomes much easier to navigate life when you know what you will and will not do.

There are thousands (possibly millions) of opportunities in front of you. How you will proceed is up to you. Not every door is a two way door. So before you leap through that opening, look at where it will take you and maybe look at who you’ll be after you step through. You’re always the product that you’re working on and you’re on the adventure of a lifetime! Your lifetime!

It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The 8th Grade Sway

Pete Huryk

Quite possibly the easiest dance in the world because it’s not really dancing. It’s standing in front of someone that you may or may not like and leaning in one direction then the other. After that, there’s some variation possible. The counterclockwise turn as you sway was my specialty. Holding the person close or at a distance was based on the relationship. There was one guy that I knew in high school who would hold his girlfriend close and just stand!?!?! So foolish but he was a football star, so no one ever called him on it. The dance itself was never the problem. It was the asking!

Times have changed and I’m not sure if slow dancing even happens anymore at school events. The emotional turmoil caused by rejection may be just too much for kids to deal with. Or is it exactly what they need? A cultural situation centered around low stakes instances of discomfort. The asking, being asked, rejecting, being rejected, hoping, having hopes dashed, dancing for 3 minutes with a person that you wish hadn’t asked, dancing for 3 minutes with that person that you know is out of your league but said yes anyway, etc. are all scaffolding toward those higher stakes moments. Perhaps it’s just the phase of life that I’m in but it feels like younger people are missing out. And obviously the reintroduction of this right of passage would prompt the creation of an app that would cut out the discomfort again, like Bumble or Hinge but for kids at a dance. I’m totally joking but also wouldn’t be surprised.

With all that I’ve heard in the past few years about decreases in intimate relationships among the younger generations, it feels like we’re missing out. Not on the 8th grade sway because let’s be honest, there are far better dances. It’s all of the other things that come along with real human interactions. People need to learn to be kind, put themselves out there, display confidence in the face of rejection and so many other soft skills. These may not solve all of what is ailing society but divorcing ourselves completely from risk of real interaction isn’t either. Maybe robot girlfriends and boyfriends (or botfriends?) are the answer going forward but my last century brain can’t get there yet.

For now at least, I’d love to see us putting ourselves back out there in a meaningful way. Asking out of true interest because finding that person who sways with you perfectly is a great feeling. But you’ll never know until you take the chance to cross the floor and ask!

Sway away!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Get Out of the Spoon Factory

Pete Huryk

This past week, I went to see Def Leppard in concert. It’s surprising how long it took for me to cross that off the bucket list, considering I’ve been a fan since a young age. The show was great and focused on their classic albums: Pyromania and Hysteria. Pyromania turned 40 this year! The longevity of the band is remarkable, especially when you consider their humble beginnings practicing in an abandon spoon factory. Although their starting spot was not ideal, they reportedly spent nine months polishing their sound. It was only at the insistence of their late guitarist, Steve Clark, that they finally got their first gig.

The backend of the Leppard story is like so many success stories…. easy to discount! Success viewed after the fact seems inevitable. It is anything but that. While I could go down the list of setbacks and tragedies that have been visited upon the band over the decades, it’s the spoon factory that I’m going to focus on. That’s the place where I believe so many of us live.

The spoon factory represents that place where so many of us hang out until the time is right. There are plenty of reasons why. Need more polish, education, funding, support, etc. but usually these problems are fixable. The real problem is fear. It stifles our genius and willingness to take a chance on ourselves.

So GET OUT OF THE SPOON FACTORY! Perhaps you’ll be the Def Leppard in your area of expertise. Or maybe you’ll be on the long list of those who didn’t make it. Either way, you’ll know for sure. And that’s what most of us are afraid of… knowing. We don’t want to know that we’re not good enough. We’d rather hide behind the excuses. The thing that most people forget is that when you aren’t good enough, you can get better. “Hello America” isn’t “Pour Some Sugar On Me” but you don’t get the latter without the former. The only thing produced in that factory of fear is a lot of excuses about why it didn’t happen.

Rock, Rock ‘Til You Drop!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Ice Cube Trays and 1%

Pete Huryk

The refrigerator in my new place doesn’t have an ice machine. It’s a very small inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. So I had to go out and purchase ice cube trays for the first time in a while. Again, small purchase of a few bucks. The thing about ice trays is that they’re not automatic. They need to be refilled whenever ice is used. When I was a kid, living in a house of four teenage boys, it was easy for someone to come along and use a few cube but not refill the tray. The thirty seconds that it to keep the supply intact was often too much time for a teenage mind.

We often forego simple things that we know we should do because we “don’t have the time.” Workouts, stretching, a letter to a friend, meditation, etc. are all activities that we know would improve our lives in the subtlest of ways but the allocation of the time gets in the way. Just remember that it’s only 1%.

If you break 24 hours down into minutes, it’s 1440. That makes 1% of a day, 14.4 minutes (14 minutes and 24 seconds). For simplicity’s sake, let’s use 15 minutes. That’s 1% of your day! Just like filling the ice cube trays. It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. However, if you’re willing to put in that little bit of time now, you’ll reap the benefits later.

Stretching for 15 minutes will give you mobility when many of your peers are laid up with injury or discomfort. Meditating for 15 minutes will give you peace of mind when others are panicked. Writing that letter to a friend will keep a tighter bond and add to your mental well-being more than scrolling through Twitter to see random videos of people doing stupid things. Walking, jogging, swimming, etc. for just 15 minutes will do more for your energy and vitality than sitting on the couch for 5%.

Our lives are filled with ice cube tray items. The little things that will positively impact our future but take very little time. There’s a desire for everything to be automated. For health, relationships, finances, mental well-being, etc. to just be handled for us or by one big gesture. Life tends not to work that! We need to give 1% to things that matter regularly. But if we do it consistently, the rewards that we reap are so much greater than what we put in.

Go fill those trays!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Finding The Path

Pete Huryk

For the most part, finding the right path is not usually overly difficult. The things that are wanted by most people exist along an at least partially known path. Six pack abs, financial security, emotional well-being, good relationships, etc. If most people are asked, they have a directional idea of how to get to these things. The problem is not finding or knowing the path, it’s following the path consistently.

It’s easier when it’s someone else! We see the problem, the solution and all of the steps along the path in between. But as soon as it is our own lives, we get tripped up. The path seems less obvious. There are all of these things in the way! Plus the electromagnetic pull of the way that we’ve always done things! What happened to the easy solutions that you saw for everyone else? They’re still there, just covered by a layer of our own “stuff”.

Some stuff is easier to ignore or brush away than other stuff. The path is independent of what’s covering it up. It leads where it leads. Your stuff is going to push you in directions that may not help you. This is not to diminish the difficulties that people face. Some people have an avalanche’s worth of stuff that may require a lot of digging but that doesn’t change the path. It’s there under all of that rubble. The decision simply comes down to getting to the destination or not. It’s simple but not easy!!!

“There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!” – Morpheus

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Mic Drop Moments

Pete Huryk

It’s a beautiful thought isn’t it? You do something that leaves people in awe and there’s nothing left to be said! The number of times that I’ve had that in life are few and far between. The one that inspired this post involved a cornhole set and two kids who had never played before. I walked up as they missed the plank repeatedly. I asked for a bean bag and put it in the hole first throw. Mic dropped!

Most of the time we don’t get that perfect moment of success. Instead we imagine that other mic drop, where the mic is fumbled out of hand and a pitiful form of the self crawls on the stage floor in front of thousands trying to regrasp it. This mic drop is probably less likely than the first. Our mistakes are magnified in our heads and we think that “everyone” is watching.

Both mic drop moments represent an extreme where we only live briefly, if at all. Most of the time, the microphone is meant to be in hand. It’s supposed to be a tool that turns the volume up on the voice that we have. Sometimes we’re repeating the golden oldies that have been our staple since grade school. Other times we’re trying out new material that might not work. Regardless, we’re an artist putting ourselves out there.

So keep hold of the mic and belt it out as best you can. The mic drop moments don’t matter as much as what you put out into the world. It’s the performance beforehand that created the opportunity for the drop anyway. So just keep going!

MC stands for Master of Ceremonies!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lifetime Guarantee

Pete Huryk

There are so many different ways to look at this two word combination.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” is the girl and the guy who seem diametrically opposed at the beginning of the movie will end up together. It’s predictable and trite but satisfying to their base viewership.

The “Lifetime Guarantee” that many companies made is that the thing you bought will work as long as you own it. There’s usually a bunch of fine print that comes along with it. And for the most part, the seller is hoping that you’ll forget that they guaranteed anything. They want you to feel happy at the time of purchase and them to feel happy after that.

I’m not willing to make either of those guarantees. They both seem slightly dishonest. That’s what makes guarantees so tricky. There are so many variables in any situation that guaranteeing anything is akin to gambling. So I’m going to put the most blunt thing first and build out from there.

The first “Lifetime Guarantee” is that you’re going to die! Whoa! Dark… Morbid… Whatever! It’s a fact that we need to embrace to make moments matter. Infinite things have no value. So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way.

Life is going to have different times. That I can guarantee. There will be seasons to everyone’s life. Expecting today and tomorrow to be the same is foolhardy. While we can hope for good or better times, it’s usually on us to adjust our sails rather than expect favorable winds.

The time of your life may not take a lifetime to find. I cannot guarantee this. This is one of those variable situations. At some point in your life, you’re going to have the time of your life but you’re not going to know that because a better time could be on the horizon. So balancing optimistic search with recognition and gratitude is a skill that must be developed. If that day on the playground in first grade was as good as it’s going to get, then why bother? Great things need to be in front of us and we need to have evidence that supports that hope.

Your lifetime belongs to you. I guarantee it. Waiting for someone else to come in and overhaul it to your specifications is guaranteed not to work. Your life and your time are two of the resources that you have at your disposal. Use them both to make the other better. In time your life is going to run out, we talked about it earlier. So waiting to start living your life makes no sense. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” – Teddy Roosevelt. I’d add in “with the ones you love (when possible)”

Guarantees are few in this life. So use your time wisely!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Whose Job Is It?

Pete Huryk

In mid April on a Sunday afternoon in 2007, I had a great day! My son’s first birthday party was a collection of family, friends, presents and positivity for the future. It wasn’t perfection but it was pretty great! The next day changed all of that for a while. On the campus of Virginia Tech, the worst side of humanity reared its ugly head and it sent me spiraling. Perhaps it was only the proximity of the two events that caused the issue but I was overrun with guilt. How could I bring a child into a world where that type of hate was possible? For about two months, I was in the closest thing that I can equate to a depression. Eventually, the thing that preceded the downturn got me out of it, my son. No matter what had happened, I had a responsibility to show up for him. Not only to protect him from things until was able to take that on himself but to be a force for good. The world was not inherently evil or good. I had the opportunity to “color” the world through my actions.

So I pose the very ambiguous question again. Whose job is it? Whose job is it to make sure that I show up as the best version of myself today? The answer is simple and we all know it, it’s mine! It also comes linked with a word that many people don’t like, RESPONSIBILITY. It’s a daunting word but let’s break it down. Response ability, the ability to respond (not react) to a situation.

It’s that major ingredient that is the base for our progress as people. I needed to take it when I had a one year old son despite my guilt. Even Billy Madison, the buffoon who needed to repeat school to prove to dad he wasn’t a fool, understood responsibility. “You don’t just look for an hour and call it quits! You get your a$$ out there and find that f—-ing dog!”

Now that it’s pretty certain whose job it is, embrace it! The best version of you is available. Lean into it. When you fall short, respond with another attempt. The people around you need a great version of you whenever they can get it.

Peace! I’m outta here!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Bound for the Floor

Pete Huryk

It’s the title of the only song that I know by the band, Local H. While they never made a huge impact on my listening habits, their one song pops into my head from time to time. Usually it’s when I’m near my hometown. There is a sign for the hospital with the word “local” above it. I’d always just assumed that it was the inspiration for the band’s name. Regardless of my error, “bound for the floor” makes an appearance occasionally.

The combination of the song title and my association with the hospital has always created a universality to the song. We’re all bound for the floor at some point. It may not happen any time soon but it’s inevitable. Literal or metaphorical, we’re impacted by gravity constantly and the pull of our mortality. In the short term we’re going to fall and in the long term, we’ll stay down permanently.

There are plenty of dispositions to take toward these truths. At the one extreme, there’s the hopelessness of everything. Why bother? It’s all going to end and I’m going to get hurt along the way. So why bother? In the other direction is the urgency. This will end and now is all that I get. Bounce back up as quickly as possible and do all that you can with the time that you have. In between those two extremes is an infinite number of ways to move forward. Choosing is the key. Deciding your disposition toward the floor before it comes. Since it is inevitable, when and why are often unknowable but the how is largely up to us.

Born to be down… Sure! But don’t stay there long or indulge in it. It will catch up with you eventually but looking over your shoulder is only going to keep you from seeing all of the beauty in front of you. It’s up to you!

Keep it copacetic!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Biblical Feces!

Pete Huryk

It doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily as “Holy sh**!” but the basic components are there. For a variety of reasons, one has been adopted as an exclamation of surprise or delight. And the other is nonsense that I use to illustrate a point. While we’d love to believe that we’re communicating accurately, things like this are everywhere. The words and the meaning behind them are quite different. None of us came up with HS! We just use it. If biblical feces caught on, we might use that too.

It’s utility not accuracy. Function rather than form. Our standing order as humans is not to be perfect. It’s to carry on and try to progress. The history of the human race is littered with the imperfection of our ancestors. Yet here we are! Bathing in a world that would make them say “Biblical feces!” Or whatever exclamation they saw fit.

So don’t stop the heritage that we have. Make your best attempt at the things that you care about today. Push the envelope everyone once in a while and maybe you’ll astound the people around you enough to have a “biblical feces!” moment. You’re more than capable. You may just be caught up in the normal feces of everyday.

Getting it wrong is often the first step to getting it right!

Pete