Tag: learning

Blogpost, self-reliance

Ticks and Leeches

Pete Huryk

Spring has definitively sprung and the ticks are everywhere! In the past twenty-four hours alone, I’ve removed six from my body. Despite the fact that they are my jumping off point for this post, it is actually the song by Tool that is the inspiration. Even though the song is about people who are parasites, the line “this is what you wanted” is overwhelmingly powerful at the moment. How many times in life do we think that we want something? Only to end up getting exactly what we asked for and being disappointed, frustrated or angry. It’s obviously happened to enough people that it’s now cliche, “be careful what you wish for.” It’s usually not the full package that we lament but rather the unexpected side-effects or difficulties.

Life offers up a myriad of possibilities but each of them comes with costs, circumstances or even problems attached. Like ticks and leeches, these parasites that we didn’t anticipate can drain us. We forget about that thing that we wanted and only see the difficulties when we notice them hanging on. It’s not easy! Our imaginations don’t usually include all of the issues that are coming along for the ride. Regardless though, this is what you wanted! You don’t get to line item veto out all the unwanted circumstances. They’re along for the ride!

So now the time has come to accept the fact that, this is what you wanted! You wanted all of it! Ticks, leeches, problems, chaos and anything else because it can’t be separated out. Your desire for a perfect life has nothing to do with reality. That’s just not the way that it works. Perhaps you can find a way to get the parasites to work for you or even learn to love them for what they do. It’s a major shift in thought process but it’s far better than being disappointed with a reality that should be expected.

“This is what you had in mind! So this is what you’re getting!“

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

If I’d Only Known

Pete Huryk

One of the best job interviews that I ever went on was for a position that I didn’t know anything about. Before you judge me too harshly, this was about twenty years ago. At the time, I don’t even think I had a cellphone and the world was very different. I wanted to get out of teaching for a variety of reasons but didn’t have any strong convictions about where my career should go next. My friend Matt’s father was pretty high up at the New Jersey Department of Transit. Matt told me that his dad could get me an interview for something entry level. One day I got a call from the NJDOT that I had an interview scheduled for the next week. I tried many times to call Matt, got the answering machine. On the day of the interview, I walked into a high rise building in Newark, NJ and took the elevator up to the twelfth floor with no idea what job I was interviewing for. As I walked into the conference room faced with a conference table and four professional people staring at me, I debated intently what I should say. In true Pete Huryk form, I told the truth. I had no idea what job I was interviewing for. For the next forty-five minutes, I had a great conversation with the people who were not as upset as I’d have expected them to be. The people part of the process went pretty well. Afterward, I had to take a written examination of traffic code and writing accident reports. It turns out the job was being a field agent who would go to accident sites of NJDOT vehicles to assess the state’s liability. A week later, Matt called me. He and his dad had been on vacation. I didn’t get the job and I’m pretty sure that I’m fine with that.

Recently, I got into another situation where I had no idea what was going on. The problem this time around was that I thought I did. I saw the situation through my own lens and basically said every wrong thing and made every wrong move. My naïveté was not endearing this time around. It just took an opportunity off the table. Perhaps it wasn’t anything worth pursuing or maybe it was. When you’re in the middle of a wooden court with a hoop at each end, showing off your foot skills isn’t getting you anywhere! It’s important to know what type of game you’re in.

The world/people/situations are not always going to give you all of the information. Filling in the blanks with your own agenda isn’t always the best strategy. Opportunities will come and go. Some are completely right for you. Others are completely wrong. The rest are possibilities that need more attention. Believe in yourself enough to know that you can do almost anything but that doesn’t mean that you should try to do everything. Many opportunities are meant to be left behind regardless of how good they may look on paper. As I tell my students often, “you are the product”. So do and be the things that make you the best version of yourself. That job at NJDOT was perfect for someone, just not me.

There’s opportunities everywhere. Find the ones that are for you!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Keep Rollin’!

Pete Huryk

It is one of the most ridiculous but still extremely cool (in my own head) memories from my twenties. I had just bought my first new car! Later that week, I had an appointment to put a six disk CD changer into the trunk. However at that very moment, all I had was the car’s cassette player to blast music. Another problem was that I hadn’t planned ahead with the perfect “New Car Mixtape”. With limited options, I went into Walmart in Newton, NJ and picked up the Limp Bizkit album with the song “Rollin'” on it. So there I was in my green FOUR DOOR Honda Civic with the censored version of Rollin’ playing at full blast. I was boppin’ my head like I was the coolest person on the planet. My guess is that at least one or two people heard me coming, took a look and thought “what a f’ing idiot?” That scene is probably less ridiculous than me bopping my head to the same song walking down a nature path with joggers and mom’s with strollers walking by. My twenty something self had the excuse of youth. What’s my forty-six year old excuse? I don’t need one!

Yep! I was a guy in my 20’s with a 4 door car because I was planning ahead! SMH 🙂

Those “new car smell” moments don’t come along often. There’s often a long time between the standout memories of our lives. Some of them we don’t see coming and others are so scripted and planned out, they might even lose their luster. The imperfections of that day actually make it that much better in my mind. If I had done it all perfectly, then it might not have stuck in the same way. All of the ridiculousness of my actions made it mine and I didn’t really care what onlookers thought. Isn’t that what the best moments are like? When you don’t give f%$# what anyone else thinks because this one is important to you.

Thousands of filtered pictures, perfect poses and choreographed photos are nothing compared to that moment when you actually feel alive. Where you know exactly who you are and what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. From the outside it may look like a dumpster fire next to a manure pile but who cares? If you are being yourself in the moment and people don’t fully get it, that’s fine! Keep rollin’! More than likely, the people who are looking at you with shock and horror aren’t your people anyway. The way you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself is extremely important. I know for my own part, I’m going to keep going after those authentic moments. Even if I do sometimes “look like a fool.”

“Alright partner! Keep on rollin’ baby!“

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Bow and the Archer Must Bend

Pete Huryk

Archery is largely a lost art form. At one point, it was a staple of combat and a desired practical skill. Now it is largely relegated to a summer camp activity or something hunters do to “challenge” themselves. Although anyone could pick up a bow and arrow, very few people do. The skill is not as useful as it was and it’s not easy! The bow does not do all of the work. It is a force multiplier for sure but the archer needs to put everything in motion first. They must pull back against the tension and aim precisely at a target before allowing the arrow to fly! All of the power comes from the tension of the bow but the archer must bend as well.

Occasional interaction with a child is one of the best ways to see the changes in people. They morph into different versions of themselves over time. If you see them infrequently, the metamorphosis is obvious but they do not notice. We are in a constant state of flux. You are not the person that you were yesterday or even five minutes ago. How much of a difference there is between each version is up to you. No doubt the change that can happen in five minutes is minuscule regardless of the tension. However multiplied over time, any consistent action “bends” us. Like a tree in an area with constant wind, we begin to lean in a particular direction. There are all kinds of leanings that we can take but the person who bends often doesn’t notice the changes.

Life changes almost never come as fast as we may want. Rarely are we shot like an arrow toward our “targets”. Over time, the tension that we create brings slow results followed by bigger ones. The concentrated effort for an extended time period becomes a force multiplier. We are all bending in every moment. The question becomes whether or not we’re bending toward something with reason or if we are simply bending to the circumstances of our lives. Use the tension between where you are and where you want to be in order to fire yourself forward. Nothing and no one can do it for you. It’s on you to bend!

“We are arrows to the action!“

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

A House Money Life

Pete Huryk

Not sure that I’ve ever mentioned this on the blog before but I almost died when I was two and a half. I had meningitis and it was less than certain whether or not I’d make it. The only recollection that I have of the entire ordeal was the action figures that I got in the hospital. However it is not lost on me that I received much more than cheap toys through that ordeal. And quick shout out to Dr. Chi who was my physician. Almost anyone who grew up in the Hackettstown area went to Dr. Chi. Regardless, I got a second chance at life. I’m playing with house money and I know it!

There are several different ways to view playing with house money. It could be a time to be frivolous because it’s “on someone else’s dime.” Bet on long odds and throw caution to the wind! While this could be a way to approach the situation, exhausting house money ASAP doesn’t prove anything. The other extreme is to become extremely conservative and fear chancing anything. “Almost went bust in the past” could be a reason to never risk again. While I can understand the sentiment, the past does not equal the future. So hiding from possibility because of a near miss is just foolish.

My preference is to look at the entire equation differently. We’re all playing with house money and the house gave it to us! Therefore it’s ours! We can go optimistic or pessimistic with our bets but the wins and losses end up on our account. The house is not going to bankroll us forever. Regardless of how much or how little we were given at the beginning, we need to play it for all that it’s worth. We’re lucky just to be here, no doubt! Whether Dr. Chi saved your life or you’ve never had a sniffle, cough or fever; today is about all that you can expect. So do something with it! Build a huge pot if you like, or always play on the edge because that’s where the joy of life is for you. Just play! Ante up in the morning and see what you’re dealt. It’s not about luck! It’s a skill game!

“I’m just going to outplay the guy this hand!”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

A Simple Souvenir

Pete Huryk

Whether it is an “I love NYC” t-shirt or a particular shell picked up off the beach during a family getaway, humans seem to be almost preprogrammed for the collection of souvenirs. Our memories are weak and without some tangible link to the physical world, they tend to fade. Unfortunately the mass production of souvenirs doesn’t particular make our memories stronger, it actually dilutes the keepsakes like a form mental inflation. When we take a photo of every moment and everyone has the same souvenir that you do, it takes away the reason behind picking up those artifacts in the first place. Our minds may not know what’s truly special when we have so many pictures and trinkets.

My box of memories. It was originally an 8 track cassette holder. Yep! I’m THAT cool!

It’s not an easy thing to decipher what moments are going to be really important. A baseball cap doesn’t appear out of thin air when you meet your best friend for the first time, although I’m sure someone somewhere is working on it. We sometimes have no indication whatsoever that a moment is going to change us forever. So we have nothing to carry with us. The reverse is also true that utterly meaningless events have gotten reinforced either intentionally or unintentionally. It’s not a perfect system and if we just go with the flow, McDonalds and Instagram are going to own the lion’s share of who we think we are.

I used to be so much more deliberate about collecting memories. For decades, I’ve had a box with pictures, cards and keepsakes. Some of it is trash at this point because the memories represented by the items weren’t worth keeping. However, some of them are simple and priceless. The shell that reminds me of a friend who has stood the test of time despite distance and turmoil. Ribbons from events that proved my friend’s theory that being “aggressively mediocre” can get you to the cusp of being great! Others that I won’t mention because it’s just too much.

The question that we may want to ask ourselves is two-fold. Do I have any simple souvenirs that can instantly bring me to the verge of tears? The second question is: If not, did I truly live? The items are far less important than the memories. So if you’ve got a storage unit full of items and your heart is empty, then I’d say you’re out of balance. However, if you have recollections of people, places and events that leave you in awe of the past, then maybe you don’t need the t-shirt!

“A simple souvenir“

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pushing Too Hard

Pete Huryk

Today I’m feeling the pain of pushing too hard. Not sure if anyone ever really means to do it. Getting caught up in the moment is easy to do. Dialing it back should be an easy thing to do but often the easy things are hard. Doing more feels like progress until something snaps. At that point, it’s too late!

Progress is not usually an instantaneous thing and forcing results is not a winning strategy. Knowing it and living it are two different things. If we got results based on what we know, everyone would have six pack abs and perfect relationships. Unfortunately that’s not how it works. We get results based on our consistent actions and as humans, we fuck up a lot! It’s unavoidable but we just need to keep going.

So today begins the process of recovery and learning. Lick the wounds and try to be smarter next time. Slow and steady needs to be my mantra for a while. The turtle gets where he’s going too and probably doesn’t pull any muscles along the way.

Blogpost, self-reliance

Lesser Known Heroes

Pete Huryk

The “Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman” eventually breaks out of the neighborhood, becomes an Avenger and travels to space. There was a certain point at which only people from a small locality knew about him. If he had stayed small time, would his contributions have been less or just less well known? It’s a question of scale but do lesser known heroes, matter less? The likelihood of any of us having a global impact is pretty low. However, we all can have an individual impact at any moment. So perhaps it’s not scale but consistency that matters.

With so many of the things that we do in life, the opportunity for impact comes in almost direct proportion to frequency. Breathing, heart pumping, showing up, exercising, and so many other activities gain traction and get exponential returns based on their consistency. There is the possibility of overdoing it but most people tend to err on the side of never rather than too much.

So taking those two ideas and melding them together gives opportunity. Doing good for the masses is probably not happening and neither is the big ticket item of saving the world from cataclysm. The opportunity does exist for each of us to do our own small bit to help those who are within our reach. Perhaps that may even mean regularly saving yourself from yourself (yep, that’s a thing). Lesser known heroes are not any less important. They help to keep the world from falling into the pervasive chaos that no Avenger could handle. So whether you think of yourself as a hero or not, suit up and get to work. The world needs you! Ok maybe not the entire world, but definitely YOUR world!

Hero up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

It Won’t Always Be Pretty

Pete Huryk

This is by far one of my favorite photos of all time! I’m fairly certain that I didn’t love the moment but I love the memory. My daughter was sitting on my chest and bam! Spit up on the nose, maybe up the nose and definitely a bit in the mouth. Luckily the camera crew got a quick shot of it. There’s nothing to do but laugh! She didn’t mean to do it and she was so darn cute, how could I be mad?

It’s not always going to be so simple to find the beauty in life’s “ugly” moments. We’d all (in theory) love to have everything come up roses but it rarely does. Also there is a bit of extra spice that comes with things that go wrong. Since 1998, when I attended the World Cup, my most commonly told stories are about the loss of a passport, filing a police report and getting pushed by a riot cop. I rarely talk about the games and I was watching my favorite sport with my best friend. Our desire for everything to go well and be easy is both unrealistic and inconsistent with our ability to find the good in bad situations.

So if you’re going through one of those moments when you have the “vomit” of life all over your face, rejoice in the fact that you’ve most likely got a good story for the future. Also it is good context for when things are going well. You’ll appreciate them that much more!

“Anything I’ve ever said is not as good as you”

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Water Feels Like Jello

Pete Huryk

Less than two weeks to my sprint triathlon and training has been ramped up in a lot of ways. Due to the swim being my weakest part of the race, I’m overcompensating by putting more time and distance into the pool, double to be exact. For the moment, I’m swimming 1,500 meters each day with only a short break at the halfway point (the actual race distance). It’s the oddest feeling but directly after my break, the water feels thicker and heavier. The consistency of it reminds me of melted Jello. It’s a feeling that only lasts for a lap or so but it felt worth noting.

Consistency and momentum are two things that have relevance in so many parts of our lives. Often the stopping of an action or habit can lead to that feeling of “starting over” or the slog. It’s a little different than what Seth Godin refers to as “The Dip”. That’s a barrier near the beginning of a new thing when the “fun” and progress have stopped but you need to push through. The Jello experience is starting back up on an endeavor that’s well underway. Just don’t let the Jello stop you! It’s easy to lose momentum. Rainy days, flakey workout partners, a headache, a poor attitude, etc. can all be Jello until you work through them. The problem comes when jello is repeatedly given too much notice and it hardens or worse turns into cement.

Decide what it is that you truly want. Momentum and consistency are strong forces that can carry us through so many obstacles. If you’ve already decided the level of your commitment before the Jello comes, it’s nothing more than an annoyance, not an obstacle. The decision fatigue of rehashing what you truly want makes the Jello stronger than it should be. If you’re not sure, it can drown you! So keep going!

Not as bad as it seems!

Pete