Tag: inspiration

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Tension of Two: Hold Up the Bridge

Pete Huryk

A long-standing favorite movie of mine is “Singles” which features Pearl Jam and the Seattle music scene as a backdrop to convoluted number of love stories. At one point, two single guys, Steve and Bailey discuss their upcoming night out in search of companionship.

  • David Bailey : Tonight I’ll be the super me.
  • Steve Dunne : What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?
  • David Bailey : Then it’s no problem.
  • Steve Dunne : Uh-huh. Why?
  • David Bailey : Because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie, Steve.

While there is some logic behind Bailey’s strategy, it’s not without its holes. At a certain point, the real person has to come out and that could be awkward. If the facade is vastly different from the reality, no one ends up happy. However, I believe that Bailey probably didn’t really want to be fake. He simply wanted to plausible deniability inside of his own head or an imperviousness to rejection. Since it wasn’t really him, then it didn’t matter. This is where the tension of two becomes a crucial concept. The ability to hold two opposing ideas in one’s head at the same time.

Bailey needs to not care about someone rejecting him while simultaneously projecting an authentic version of himself. This may not be easy but also not impossible. It’s the way that many primitive bridges existed. The middle is held up by the tension created on each side. The tension of two allows people to traverse the world!

Holding two ideas in your head at once is a skill that needs to be developed. No doubt! There are times to have singular focus. But protecting your self-esteem while being vulnerable actually is necessary at times. Those dichotomies are difficult to reconcile but people who can have a distinct advantage. Being the super you, also needs to involve being authentic you!

Build that bridge!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Pumpkin Spice Cream Cheese

Pete Huryk

This does not need to exist and it didn’t at one point! More than likely a person at a cream cheese factory was sipping their pumpkin spice latte and voila! Pumpkin spiced cream cheese! For someone out there, pumpkin spice cream cheese is their idea of heaven. Personally, I’ll pass! It’s not an act of genius. But it represents the opportunity that we all have, simple synthesis! Putting two old ideas together in order to create something new. We’re all capable of this type of thinking but often get bogged down in what is rather than what could be.

People don’t want to be stuck! The ability imagine a different future than the present that exists is difficult for most. It takes imagination and optimism! Those are traits of children and can lead to disappointment. So it’s better to trudge through a familiar swamp than look for higher ground. The gamble is just too much. Plain cream cheese will do!

Only you can make the choice to combine yourself with something new. That synthesis will require you to see something different in your mind’s eye. It doesn’t have to be pumpkin spice cream cheese. That doesn’t sound appetizing to me but neither does a future that matches a present that you don’t like.

Mix it up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Hope The Storm Doesn’t Last

Pete Huryk

The weather has been volatile over the past few years. This is not a discourse on climate change. However, as individuals, we have our experience of “normal” and it just seems that more storms have been forceful and sudden. They seem to pass quickly but leave more destruction.

It’s a reasonable thing to hope for. Not wanting the storm to last. The unpleasant circumstances make life just a bit more difficult. So brevity is desirable but nothing that we can control. All we can do is adjust to the storm that is thrown at us and hope that the deluge is feeding some other aspect of life. It’s easy to forget that storms nourish the world. That balance is necessary. Too many sunny days leads to a drought! So don’t lament the storm, just be as prepared as you can.

The life that you hope for is probably storm-less but that is both unrealistic and possibly unhealthy. Human beings need challenge much like the Earth needs the storms. So prepare for the storm and dare I say enjoy the portions of it that you can. At bare minimum, it will probably help you grow. It’s better for you to outlast the storm than hope that it won’t last. You’re resilience is a key to your success, not your desire for an easy path.

Thunder!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Picture Day

Pete Huryk

Some people make a much bigger deal out of it than others. Special outfits, makeup, a winning smile and other accoutrements could come out of the woodwork on picture day. Regardless of how seriously one takes it, there is the potential for a time capsule type moment: a representation of who you were that year. The problem is that it’s so pre-scripted that at best it represents a sanitized and sterile version of you. The truest form could probably have been photoed on your couch some random Tuesday. So why the charade?

The dance between who we are and who we want the world to see is a constant one. Sometimes it is maladaptive because the posturing is overblown. The picture isn’t you at all. People can still recognize you but it’s not the true you.

Choose a you that fits! There’s no reason to overdo it! You’re great but can always move forward. Picture day isn’t about the facade. It’s putting on your best face! So when you look back, you can remember who you were and love it!

Lights! Camera! Action!

Pete

Salisbury 1994
Blogpost, self-reliance

Momentum Matters

Pete Huryk

Often it is not the biggest boulder that causes the avalanche. A small pebble dislodged from the right spot can cause an unstoppable force to be unleashed. That’s my hope for this post! It definitely isn’t going to be the best I’ve ever created but what it represents is the tiniest amount of inertia.. forward motion… momentum. By doing this small act, I’ve started something! Not in a Rolling Stones or Michael Jackson type of way with a great beat that keeps things going! Just limp, crawl or inch forward like the half destroyed Terminator as he chases Sarah Connor. It’s not pretty but it’s effective.

So whatever you have on your horizon, momentum matters. Do what you can to keep it alive, even when you don’t want to. The marching band is not going to come out to play for you but if you string enough of these together, they might want to.

Go get ’em!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

I Am Iron Man! But So Are You!

Pete Huryk

Long before the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there were comic books. I’m not sure what exactly made me start collecting Iron Man comics but I never wavered. For some reason, I thought that he was the best superhero. I can only retroactively express ideas that may or may not have contributed to my interest:

  • He was a “self-made” super hero. It wasn’t luck, radioactive spiders or divine intervention. Tony Stark built himself into Iron Man.
  • He was still very flawed. Self-serving, alcoholic, bitter, etc. He didn’t always do the right thing but was consistent enough as a “hero”.
  • He was extremely wealthy and did not need to do any of it.

The great thing about heroes is that they give us an example to follow. The convenient thing about superheroes is that their abilities are so far from reality that they let us off the hook! We can watch in awe as they do their thing but then go home and do nothing to strive for that level of heroism.

This is not a call for people to develop super suits in order to fight crime or some impending alien invasion. It is a recognition of the opportunity that we all have. Everyday, we walk out into the world with persona that we’ve developed. That is our “Iron Man suit.” There is an opportunity to improve its capabilities. Inside, there is still a flawed human that doesn’t always get it right but there is the possibility of progress. And finally, you don’t need to do any of this. Most people don’t. They lament that the suit that they wear or how they didn’t get the luck, divine intervention or other break. It’s easier to lament.

So! You’re Iron Man! You have a suit to work with. What are you going to do with it? Is this the part of the story where your adventure truly begins? Or do you let the “call to adventure” go to voicemail? The choice is yours and it’s our choices that make us who we are.

Suit up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

The Doorknob of Opportunity

Pete Huryk

Mirrors aren’t the only things that reflect. Throughout the day, you can see yourself in all kinds of places: shop windows, sunglass lenses, a lake and yes! even a doorknobs! The flat surfaces give you a pretty accurate reflection but something like a doorknob creates a “funhouse mirror” effect. The picture is distorted! With our actual reflection, the distortion is obvious. However, as we reach for the door of opportunity, that distortion can cause us to pull our hand back and walk away.

No one sees us 100% objectively, even ourselves. Looks, personality, talent, etc. are seen through deletions, distortions, incomplete information and bias. Yet, we like to believe that when dealing with ourselves we have a clear picture of who we are. Going back to the “funhouse mirror” analogy, we exaggerate many of our qualities for better or worse. During times of higher stress, like an opportunity that we value, there is a tendency to distort with a negative mirror. Humans are built to protect ourselves from dangers. Therefore we tend to see the threat rather than the reward. The doorknobs to opportunities are bound to reflect many of our faults related to the endeavor. If it’s a romantic situation, we’ll see how unattractive, boring and undesirable we are. In a business context, our lack of experience, talent or resources will shine through. Our brains are trying to protect us! That’s it’s job! Now you need to decide if the distortion is protecting or undercutting you.

Since I don’t know you, I can’t say whether or not you should ignore the doorknob or not. However, I will say that if you’re close enough to the opportunity to see yourself falling short, could you also see yourself succeeding? If so, then maybe it’s time to burst through that door! The regret from leaving things untried and undone is far worse that the regret of coming up short.

Knock, knock!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Ain’t It Fun?

Pete Huryk

“Don’t grow up!” I remember it pretty plainly. At the Stewart’s Restaurant in Newark, NJ, the man behind the counter gave this advice to me when I was possibly 10 years old. He was adamant enough that it stuck. Although I’m not sure, he couldn’t have been much more than 20 years old himself. But somehow the life of an adult had already gotten him down and he needed to dispense some “knowledge.” He’d made up his mind about adult life and resisting the pull of age was his answer. For years, I’ve wavered back and forth on this thought and might go back again. However for today, with the tune by Paramore in my head, I’m thinking that he was wrong! Being an adult is “fun!”

Or at least it can be if you’re willing to take on the right mindset. The juxtaposition of childhood and adulthood is one that I deal with regularly as a teacher. I’ve often told young people that being an adult requires two main things that have nothing to do with age. The first is responsibility for your actions. It’s on you! The second is realizing that you don’t know everything. I know plenty of people over 30 who aren’t quite adults yet. They are on the Stewart’s guy program!

There is another option though! Embrace it! The bills, the boss, the responsibility and the uncertainty of so many things. Ain’t it fun? Children look at the life of adults with awe because of the freedom, while adults look back on their childhood with a desire to be that carefree again. Perhaps there is a way to meet in the middle and enjoy it! Both positions see the other as more “free.” If you’re reading this, it’s unlikely that you’re under 15. So who is the warden and where are the walls/bars/guards? In the world that we live in, there is so much freedom that we have created a large portion of what holds us captive. The shackles of travel speed, communication reach, access to information, etc. have been undone but we find the walls of anxiety, pressure and lack anyway. Our ancestors would look at us like we were fucking nuts! But that’s partially my point. The human experience is difficult to embrace in the moment. We’re better at missing what’s past or longing for what’s coming. So again, the question “ain’t it fun?“

Hell yes it is! Even the shit of the worst day has either the ability to fertilize the next moment of greatness or a story to tell a friend later. “Neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so!” -Uncle Billy Shakes. Let’s do our best then to make it better than we did before! You can’t stop time and we can’t go back yet! So make it fun now! Even when it’s not because it all belongs to you. Life hands you a lot of the ingredients but if you want to top your experience off with shit flavored mayo and “whoa is me” relish, that’s on you! So no matter how old you are, have some fun with it because now isn’t coming back!

Ain’t it fun?!?!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Come Up Short!

Pete Huryk

It can be so frustrating for people! Falling short. I was raised Catholic and it was always the thing that bothered me about the prayer for the forgiveness of your sins. I had to repent for the things that I had done and the things that I had left undone. The situation was daunting because there were so many things that I had left undone. It seemed as though I would never be able to do all of the things. The truth is that I never will. There will always be more that I could have done, should have done, would have done. However time is finite and therefore I am bound to “come up short!”

Since it is unavoidable, it is not something to stress over but rather manage. Much like gravity, you can’t avoid it but anticipation of it creates opportunity. The question isn’t whether you’re going to come up short or not. YOU WILL! It’s an inevitability that on some level, a thing or an entire gaggle of things are going to be left undone. So do not concern yourself with coming up short! It’s going to happen. The concern needs to be how far you aim.

There are an infinite number of aims. Some of them will never be your target. I will never play in the NBA. It’s not my aim! Therefore, I will fall completely short on that. That should not matter. If I’m not aiming there, no matter how short I fall, it doesn’t count. However, when I’ve decided that something matters, it’s important to aim far. Break it up into pieces if you like. Make it a ten year aim. Pick something with an extremely slim chance of success. But don’t be afraid to come up short! More dreams are stillborn than die from catastrophe. So breath some life into that thing that you want because without you, it’s definitely going to come up short!

Fly you fools!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

You Can’t Win!

Pete Huryk

That’s not a shot against you. In the way that I’m going to characterize it, no one can win! Winning just isn’t a thing that people can do. It’s a byproduct! A result from other actions that lead to it being produced. Just like so many other things that people desire, it is not the thing to be done. Fitness, wealth, health, etc. are not actions that can be done. They are byproducts that come from a variety of other actions. Often the things that lead to these byproducts are difficult and require consistent focused effort over time. And usually the actions taken along the way aren’t inherently fun.

That’s the conundrum and the battle that we’re truly fighting. Can we put in enough effort to the difficult, mundane, hard work in order to get the result that is outside of our control? It’s so easy to just want the destination to arrive at our doorstep without putting in the hard miles. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way! We rarely get to choose the terms on anything of meaning. Sure, there are small prizes available for low prices. But those things of real value cannot be bought cheaply! Yet we want to believe that six pack abs are 7 minutes away and that lottery ticket is going to be the big difference. More than likely, those shortcuts lead nowhere but they’re enticing because all we want is the win. What if there was another way?

What if you could learn to love the work? The struggle. The time spent on the road to wherever it is that you’re going. Unlike winning, love is an action we can do and I believe it is central to a life of fulfillment. What if you could learn to love the process? And when the win showed up you kept going because that was no longer the point. The people, the time, the scenery, the smells, the characteristics of the person you’ve become. What if those were the point?

I hope you find what you’re looking for. But more importantly, I hope you also learn to enjoy the search!

Pete