Tag: inspiration

Blogpost

Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed

Pete Huryk

For those younger readers, the image below is the remnants of a pay phone. Prior to the widespread use of cellphones, these things were all over the place. You could pay a certain amount to make a call. Most of the phone part of this one is gone. My guess would be that it is hanging in someone’s apartment as a decoration. Regardless of what happened to it, there is no chance that any calls are being made from or coming to this unit. Even if the wires still exist inside, the connection just isn’t going to be made.

There used to be a pay phone here.

Despite all of our different formats for connection, people seem to be more disconnected than ever. It is not a question of means for communication. We have more than we know what to do with: text, instant message, Facebook post, Tweet, etc. The issue is not the means. It is the quality and interpretation of the signals that are coming through. Wearing masks seems to have made this even worse. People are generally not sending the signals that they want to put out into the world. It is usually a watered down version of their truest feelings. It has become just a bit too dangerous to put your authentic self out there. It can be misinterpreted. You could be labeled a thousand different things. Or worst of all, you could be heard clearly and no one responds. That might be the scariest of all. Putting yourself completely out there and no one cares enough to hear you.

We’re losing something in these overly cautious half messages. That piece of ourselves that makes us truly human. Other animals travel in packs but the human animal can relate on a level that they cannot. Pack animals travel together for the protection of the individual and the whole. Our society has grown to a point where we no longer need the protection but we still need the connection. We still need the pack, not because of physical danger but emotional connection. The pack could be as few as two people. The blanket of emotional safety that it creates is not so much a want but a need. We need to feel safe emotionally in this crazy world. Our ability to say anything to anyone anywhere has not freed us. It has stifled us because that phone call used to be with one person. Now all that we say and do can be turned from a gift into a weapon regardless of our intent. Unfortunately, the voices of the masses are not truly hateful voices. They are insecure voices. That insecurity is based in a fear that they also won’t be loved, appreciated, praised or even just heard. So it’s easier to send out a half truth that keeps us protected than the whole truth that leaves us exposed. The trivial, trite and mundane becomes the message on everyone’s masked lips. Those masks are not due to COVID. They’re invisible protection from putting one’s self “too far” out there. Because if the real me shows up and no one answer my call, then what does that say about me.

The truth is that it probably says nothing more than most people are disconnected like that phone above. They have all of the wiring to make a true connection but choose to stay separate and protected. Don’t become a rusted out shell of your former self. People were meant for more than the snarky and filtered. We were meant to be raw and imperfect. This is not a call for you to post your “emotionally naked” self online. More than anything, it’s an invitation to be real with one person at a time. Like a pay phone, it’s small investments that over time with make a big difference in the value that you are returned.

Hello! Is there anybody out there?

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Define Yourself

Pete Huryk

If you look up any word in the dictionary, you will read a variety of other words that are used to represent that item, idea or whatever. So understanding that definition is dependent upon knowing the other words. It’s an odd kind of shell game. There are also other words that we feel like we know what they mean. But without a dictionary in hand, if we were asked for a definition, it would be a struggle to come up with one. We just know. Much like a dumbbell, there is a balance to be struck with the things that are dependent upon others in order to have meaning and things that just are.

High School Soccer from Senior Year
It may look foolish now but at the time, we LOVED these jerseys!

As human beings, we are often trying to make sense of things. We are looking for meaning in a largely random set of circumstances and characters. Sometimes we use the dictionary approach. Our meaning is dependent upon others. Things that could be easily represented to people. At times, the more intuitive route “feels” right. We do not know how to explain it but our decisions seem to have a cosmic GPS that we couldn’t really explain to someone else.

I’ve had both experiences and cannot say wholeheartedly that either is 100% correct. They each have their advantages and disadvantages. At a certain point though, you need to be you. Defining that completely externally is dangerous because it can end with losing yourself. The completely intuitive route can ignore vital information in favor of feelings that may be misguided. It would be a lot easier if we had a map but then we would lose the joy of “figuring it out.” Our lives are largely lived in duality. Too much certainty is boring and too much uncertainty is chaos, not fun.

At the moment, we’re going through a tough time. A lot of the paths that we believed were important are becoming less so. A deluge of readily available “information” has made us doubt ourselves on a variety of fronts from how we look to our health and well-being. Within all of this turmoil, each of us must try to define who we are. This is a constant process that requires a bit of thought and some trust that you’re going to get it right eventually. The definition of who you are is not showing up in a dictionary and thank god! You get to figure out who you want to be over and over again. Take the time to get to know you, so maybe you can define you.

None of this will be on the quiz!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Un-Pete

Pete Huryk

As the third in a line of Petes, there are several clever lines that have been used with my name. One of my dad’s favorites was “My name is Pete and this is my son, Repete.” Obviously a dad joke of major proportions. I used to think there was more to my name. There seemed to be a certain amount of pressure put on me to follow in my father’s footsteps. It was largely internal but I still felt it. That’s why I decided not to name my son after me.

At this point in time, I feel almost none of that pressure to be like my dad. However I do put the pressure on myself to remain consistent with who I have been. It’s a mental tug of war at times. The forces of habit and consistency pitted against change and new horizons. There is not a crowned champion in this battle. It waivers.

There are things that will never win out. Those actions are un-Pete. They are things that no one will ever see from me. Lines that cannot be crossed. It’s comforting to know that there are things that we just won’t do. It’s often said that “character is what you do when no one is watching.” It is also the things that never cross your mind to do.

I might have said something like this before. Sorry! I tend to “repete” myself! Hahaha

Blogpost, self-reliance

If You’re Going Through Hell…

Pete Huryk

I cannot take credit for this quote. The origin may not be from Sylvester Stallone but that’s where I heard it. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Like so many of the quotes that stick with me, it reframes an idea in such a way that makes me want to take action. The idea of going through hell is overwhelming. It is the place of true suffering and the landlord leaves a lot to be desired. So the quote brings the full picture into focus. If you are in the worst place, keep moving until you get out. Even hell must have some form of boundary and just like New Jersey, you probably have to pay a toll to leave. Regardless, the idea of staying is unthinkable (in hell, not NJ, love the Garden State). So it’s in your best interest to put feet to pavement (or hot coals) and get the hell out of there!

Portion of the album cover to “Number of the Beast” by Iron Maiden. Original painting by Derek Riggs.

“That’s easy for you to say! You don’t know what I’m going through!” You’re absolutely right! Words are cheap but let’s forget that for a moment because that will always be true. Is that what you need? Someone who understands what you’re going through? There are support groups for just about everything under the sun at this point. Chances are that someone out there could understand your situation but would it really help? Or is it just easier to feel badly about the situation? These are legitimate questions that might be worth answering. If you need the understanding, search it out.

Just like so many other situations, an unwanted vacation in hell can be remedied by three words: vision, chunking and reasons. You need to have a vision for where you want to be, not a focus on where you are. The road is most likely going to be long and painful but if you can chunk it down or break it into pieces, progress can be seen more easily. Finally, you need reasons. In Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he talks about his experiences in the Nazi concentration camps. People needed to develop reasons to carry on in those inhuman circumstances.

Perhaps the situation that you are in is not exactly hell, the three words still work. Regardless of who you are or what your circumstances, we all run up on hard times. Often, our reaction to them is how we end up defining ourselves.

Safe travels!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

TGIF (Do The Math!)

Pete Huryk

Thank God It’s Friday! is a phrase that has been uttered far to many times in the modern work world. It’s close cousins of “two weeks to vacation, ______# of days until school is out, ” etc. While I understand the sentiment and I am very in favor of having things to look forward to in the future, the idea of lamenting the present is troublesome. If we truly are only “working for the weekend” as Loverboy put it, then we’re giving away five sevenths of our lives. Work, school and other obligations may seem like necessary evils to be endured but what if they could be something more?

The week can be daunting if the only thing that you pay attention to is the “have to’s”. Our focus determines our reality. Even though the obligations of our lives may take up a majority of hours, they do not need to take up the majority of our emotional bandwidth or possibly even focus. The other possibility is that they do not need to be characterized as negative experiences. Since we live so much of our lives in these spaces, perhaps we could see them in a positive or at least neutral light. Most of us don’t work in a coal mine or an asbestos factory. We are plugging away in places that probably have the possibility for joy but we go into the day seeing the grind. It might be your coworkers who bring the positive flavor or the environment. There is a good possibility that the perspective may not change to “sunshine and roses.” It may just be a transition to a feeling of neutrality. Regardless, the slog of the day should not overtake the fact that it is still a day in your life. If all you’ve done is “made it through the day”, then the day was not as valuable as it could have been.

By all means! Have a crap day when one comes along. That is a far cry from trying to bypass every day until some desirable situation finally comes along. We were not meant to live only 28-36% of the time (2/7 or 2.5/7 depending on whether half of Friday counts). Our lives being put on fast forward is not a great plan for fulfillment. Even when our lives are filled, it does not mean that they are fulfilling. Find ways to make today worth living regardless of the “to do’s” on your list.

Have a great day people!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Human Fruit

Pete Huryk

My first job was working at an apple orchard. My brothers and I were paid twenty-five cents per box of apples that we picked up from the ground. Since these apples had already fallen, they were not able to be sold for eating. So they were used to make cider. There was a decent amount of opportunity to make some money from this deal. If we were diligent about our work, filling a box was not too difficult or time consuming. Generally speaking though, we weren’t overly effective at our job. We semi-lazy preteens who spent as much time talking as we did picking, probably more.

Outside of Hackettstown, NJ. My first job was at Best’s Fruit Farm. It’s apple season now.

Although we were not titans of the cider industry, that experience held a lot of lessons in it. Recently I started thinking about the actual apples though. The most valuable apples are the ones that are picked at the right time and sold for eating. The ones that fall to the ground are worth far less as cider or possibly worth nothing if they rot. Although it doesn’t happen much with apples, there are fruits that “die on the vine.” Usually this is due to a lack of nourishment. While most of don’t give much thought to the growth of fruit, we just buy it at the store, have it sit on the counter for a week and forget to eat it before it goes bad. Or maybe that’s just me at the moment! Regardless, it is a great metaphor for our dreams and goals. It got me thinking about how most dreams die. Do they die on the vine due to a lack of nourishment? Or do they fall before they’ve been picked, essentially a lack of timing or attention.

It’s really hard to say because it depends on a lot of factors. However, if I was pressed for a guess, I’d say that it was more than likely that most dreams die on the vine rather than falling to poor timing. Humans are amazing creatures with so many positive attributes. Despite all of the positives that we possess, there is rampant pessimism within our species. We tend to see all of the things that could go wrong before we even start. Therefore we do not pump the metaphorical juice into things. Our preference is to only give resources to the fruits that we “know” will ripen. On the one hand, this is not a bad strategy. We do not have infinite resources: time, energy, attention, etc. These are only a few of the ingredients that are needed to bring anything to life. So the high probability (low hanging) fruit may seem like the right move. Unfortunately it tends to leave almost nothing for the low probability but more valuable dreams. So much of life is spent producing results that just about anyone could.

We watch as our dreams shrivel and die as they get none of our time and attention. Yet our boxes are filled with “cider apples” that do not inspire us or anyone else. They represent a variety of minimal effort endeavors that we do not long or ache for. We only chose them because they were basically guaranteed to work out. So maybe this apple season, it is time to let some of those easy dreams fall to the ground in favor of a few long shots. It’s possible that you’ll come up empty handed. Or maybe you’ll find that that sweet juices were worth the extra effort!

You won’t know until you try!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Your Motto

Pete Huryk

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of
their appointed rounds.” While this is believed to be the motto of the US Postal Service, it truly is not. Although the words are engraved above the entrance to the 8th Avenue Post Office in New York City, it actually comes from Book 8 of the Persian Wars by Herodotus. However it is a guide that helped to shape that organization. Have Post Offices closed due to weather? No doubt. Has a postman left mail undelivered? Absolutely. A motto is not always a prime directive that cannot be broken. It is usually more of a rule of thumb. A way to know if you’re on the right path. Will there be special circumstances? Surely. It is not a problem that the USPS doesn’t always follow this “motto”. Possibly the bigger issue is, do you even have one?

This might seem funny because you are not a corporation or organization. Having a motto, vision or set of principles to live by can be daunting. It would be much easier to “go with the flow.” Or not “put yourself in a box.” Who wants to put limitations, expectations and consternations into their life? The answer is probably you! There’s enough science around about decision fatigue and the overwhelming nature of our world. Perhaps the Post Office guiding idea is exactly what is needed in many of our lives. There doesn’t need to be an exceedingly high bar for your motto. More than anything the idea is to breed consistency. The mail is going to get delivered and despite these obstacles, we’re still going to show up. Each of us has those types of things that we can be consistent about. It does not need to be a prison or a form of indentured servitude. Simply a statement of who you are.

“Persistently Chasing Excellence” was something that I developed years ago. The idea was to follow in the footsteps of the Jeffersonian concept of the “Pursuit of happiness.” Having a motto that lent itself toward forward motion was important. Although I have goals for myself, they are disparate. Depending on the part of my life and present circumstances, they could change vastly. However I could always hang my hat on the fact that I was chasing excellence on a regular basis. Even if I was doing it poorly, I could feel as though I was living into my purpose in some way.

So what is your motto? It doesn’t have to be original or even 100% accurate. Steal it from somewhere! Nike’s “Just Do It” was stolen from the last words of a death row inmate. Try to ignore that thought next time you see a Nike ad! Regardless, it could be a powerful way for you to take yourself to that next level. Consistency is a strong force in the human psyche. If you were a company, what would be your motto? The do your best to live by it.

Have a great day!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Under the Wire

Pete Huryk

I’ve given myself exactly twenty minutes to write this blogpost because I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a bit too long. Somehow humans seem to be able to conjure up motivation or inspiration when there is a deadline. It truly doesn’t make very much sense since it is all in our heads. The measurements of time that we use are completely made up as is the “pressure” of the moment. Despite their artificiality, they are effective. What would we do without these constructs? More than likely we’d only respond to our most basic needs.

By putting myself under this pressure, I’ve taken back some form of control that I had lost in moments prior. Although most people would say that they don’t enjoy pressure, it is one of those forces that coerces us to action. Historically we were not a lazy species but our lives of limited pressure and overt comfort have let that disposition spread. So modern living is more of a mental exercise than it is a physical one. We must contort and push ourselves mentally in order to induce action (either mental or physical). It’s a silly game but possibly necessary.

So what is it that you must do today that is not getting done? The next question becomes, what mental game do you need to play with yourself to make it happen? Are you going to use time, incentives, punishments, rewards, social pressure….? The list goes on and on but the realization that is hanging out there is, IT’S YOU AGAINST YOU! The battle is more than likely one with yourself and no one else. So be ready for the fight because if you’re anything like me, it’s not a foregone conclusion that the task will get done.

Time’s up!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Being Uncool and Liking Things

Pete Huryk

As a father, I made the realization a long time ago that I am “uncool.” Even if that’s not the word that’s being used anymore to describe something of value at the moment. I know that I’m not that thing that kids want to be or become. That ship sailed and I’m kind of glad. The liberation that comes with being uncool is AMAZING!!! Since I am no longer eligible to be cool, there are fewer restrictions on me. I can say jokes that I know are not funny without repercussion. They tend to be called “Dad Jokes” in our honor.

One of the best advantages to this status is that I can like almost whatever I want. In the pursuit of being cool, it seems like the decisions about what you should like are made by other people. Also, liking something too much is also a problem. Ambivalence and aloofness are often traits that need to be honed. At my age, I just don’t have time for that anymore. The payoff is never going to come my way, so why even try. My only wish was that this state of life could have come a bit earlier. Not just for my sake but for everyone.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to actually be able to tell someone that you like them without posturing? The mathematics that are required to figure out how much or little attention to give to someone or something of interest are not taught in high school Algebra. It is far too complex of an equation to figure out because it comes from both sides and is pressured by community standards. Since the equation is too tough, we need to do the dance and try to look cool. I’m not sure when this started but I wish that it could stop. At a certain point in history, I would love for kids to be able to feel comfortable enough in their own skin to shun cool. The problem is that there are very few winners and most people end up feeling like “losers.” If only everyone could “levitate” above quagmire that has been created (shout out to Dua Lipa, look at me trying to be cool!).

My suggestion would be to start the freedom of the uncool much earlier because the currency of cool only lasts for a short time. Eventually that currency that was so important becomes worthless. Then you need to figure out where you stand without it. The substance of who you are is much more than the perception points that you get from people who don’t truly care about you. The true you lies somewhere underneath! Even if they were looking, I’m not sure the cool people could see it!

I love being square!

Pete

Blogpost, self-reliance

Tom Skerritt Famous

Pete Huryk

For many years now, I have stated my preferred level of fame. I want to be “Tom Skerritt famous.” This level of fame is perfect for me. Although Tom Skerritt is famous, he is not someone that you would stop on the street for a photograph or autograph. Most people would comment to their friend about how they “saw that guy that was in Top Gun or Steel Magnolias or (insert another TS movie here).” His level of discomfort is probably pretty low. Weighing the positives and negatives, my guess would be that it’s more positive than negative.

Tom Skerritt with some other actor in Top Gun.

Each of us has our own levels for what we would tolerate to get our objectives. I know without a doubt that Michael Jordan level of commitment to basketball is not inside of me. Although many would like to believe that they want to play on the world stage, they just aren’t willing to put in that level of work. If you’re not willing to get up at 6am to go for a run, you’re also not cut out for the NBA or Hollywood or (insert high level endeavor here). The key is having your aspirations match your dedication. There is nothing wrong with aiming for Tom Skerritt famous, if that’s where you want to be.

So rather than looking at people who are performing under bright lights and feeling a pang of jealousy, look at what you’re willing to do when no one is looking. That’s how those people got there in the first place. They worked for years before anyone knew who they were, hoping that they’d get noticed. In some ways they were probably like the rest of us but then they did something about it. You don’t need to want to walk down the red carpet. There are thousands of other locations that you could prefer to strut your stuff. A local karaoke place or the stage as you get your high school diploma are completely worthy places to make your personal mark. Just decide for yourself! Don’t feel pressured to be something that is inconsistent with your objectives. The work will need to come before the reward, so set your expectations on that rather than the promise of fame and fortune. Do you work and see what rewards come from it!

No autographs please!

Pete